You Can(not) Be Less
By Kermie
(Recommended music for reading here.)
Somewhere out there, there's a table. And sitting on it, are two women. Girls? They don't look at each other. Why would they have to? They both know what the other looks like.
Kaitlyn English gazes down at the girl, so much like her and so different. Or perhaps, both of those.
And then the girl looks back, with the same blonde hair and red shirt as her. "Who are you?"
For a second, there's a word at the tip of Kaitlyn's tongue. Maybe two. But when she opens her mouth, there's nothing but silence. After an eternity and an instant, all she does is… sigh. "I'm sorry. I don't know."
There's another silence, once again. Neither of them are good with being alone with their thoughts. And then;
"Do you think there's a nicer place out there?" the girl says. "Somewhere where…"
"…where nobody has to be inside that closet?" Kaitlyn looks up, staring off into the void beyond the table. Her eyes are glassy, but at the same time more focused than they've been in
years. When she speaks, her words shake and stumble out of her mouth— but they make it out anyways. "Maybe. Maybe there is."
"And do you think that there's somewhere where we can eat what we want?"
"I really hope so. I think there is, actually. Out in the world, you can eat whatever food you want and whenever you want. And it'll be delicious. Out there, maybe you can be the happiest person in the whole wide world.
Hopefully."
The table lays there, still empty just like the void outside
and inside. Maybe, one day, someone else will come to sit there. Maybe someone with keen eyes, or hands callused from lightning.
"The happiest in the world? Is that really possible?"
Kaitlyn looks at her younger self, and then closes her eyes. "Not for me. I'm a bad person. Don't be anything less than me. You have to be someone else."
"But I can't be perfect."
Kaitlyn gives the girl a look of something approaching pity, before she gets off her seat and begins to walk away. "Neither can I. But you don't have to be. Maybe it's better if you're not even close to perfect. Find something else to fill the void. Don't get any Admirers."
The girl gets up, trying to walk into the void as well, but something stops her, the darkness only opening up for Kaitlyn. "Wait! I still have more questions! Who am I? I don't know—
am I you?!" Please! Where are you going? Please don't go. I'm scared."
Kaitlyn stops in her tracks, and looks back at the girl. Scarred, scared and bruised, just like her. But… innocent, in a way. Redeemable?
It takes a fraction of a half second for her to discard that thought. No. The girl in front of her hasn't gone far enough for any redemption to be necessary. "Listen. If there's a place people go to after they die, there's a few people I need to see there. That's the justice someone I really only met today told me that I need to face. I'm not running away. It's better than going back."
Kaitlyn walks back over to the girl, and
gently places her hand on the girl's head. "And you aren't me. I'm you from a different place. I might still be a part of you, but… you'll be your own person. And that's for the best."
"I still don't know who I am, though."
"That's ok. All you have to do is not be an English. Nobody needs a Socialite Butterfly or an Kaitlyn English anymore. The only person you have to be is…"
"Katie?"
Kaitlyn English smiles, and sobs a sigh of the greatest relief known to man. Maybe, just maybe, it's going to be ok. "Y- yeah. That might work. Good luck, Katie. Just remember to be your own thing. Don't ever be me. Be happy."
And with that, the void closes in—
And the girl named Katie wakes up.
Author's Notes:
I felt like there was a missing scene to this, something to bridge the gap between "Socialite Butterfly/Key" and "Katie". So I decided to make something of my own. Unlike other scenes like this, where the evil split personality/past self of the new character accepts that they're both the same, here I wanted to have Kaitlyn make sure that Katie remembers that "Socialite Butterfly" shouldn't be around anymore. That then directly leads into Katie's whole "kill me if I become SB please" order.
As for some of the creative choices I made, if you've followed me for a while you might notice that I took some motifs from my favorite manga, Kagurabachi. Namely, the conversation over food and using food in general as a metaphor for communication (which also contrasts the rotten food SB had to eat), and also the repeated phrase of "the happiest person on earth". I really hope Katie gets to be that person, or one of those people.
As for the song paired with this omake, I originally wanted to use a music box version of Mili's "Hero", but that fits more for Silvio and Ellie. However, String Theocracy in general is a more "moody" song, and it has lyrics that fit both Katie and Kaitlyn. The music box arrangement was picked over the og version to fit the sad tone of this scene better.
String Theocracy said:
"Maybe we're all cold machines
Stuffed in the human skin
With human sins
Sewed up by the gods of city
Cut it out, you've already lost
All that precious bravery is gonna get you hurt
In a world that feeds on the minority
May that self-centered belief lead you (us) to peace
If you're gonna replace me
At least have the audacity to kill me thoroughly"