Goddamn Teenagers (Worm, AU/time travel)

Lisa awkwardly rubbed Dr. Weaver's back as the older woman continued mumbling to herself. Fortunately, she hadn't noticed when Lisa got herself and Aisha earplugs.

Aisha sat at the nearby computer with a carton of ice cream, playing some game with enough grinding to be mind-numbing but not enough to frustrating. She would keep.

Elsewhere

Contessa silenced the timer. She carefully removed a slip of paper, ran the prompt, and nodded. Even if she didn't understand why, the path was simple enough.

Back with the girls

Lisa was snapped out of her reverie by the appearance in front of her of a small portal. Before she could properly start to panic, a pair of hands came through and deposited a black and white speckled kitten. The hands then withdrew and the portal closed.

The kitten immediately proceeded to commandeer Dr. Weaver's lap.

A second portal opened and… was that the new counselor who kept trying to make an appointment with her?

The same hands as before finished gently pushing the woman through the portal before it, too closed.

---

Are you a responsible adult?

"Dr. Weaver's kind of messed up, isn't she." Aisha said sagely, as she diligently extracted the last of the ice cream.

"Yes." Lisa replied. She was sitting on the couch, head lolled back, staring at the ceiling.

"So what was all that stuff she was talking about?"

"Alternate future super-power bullshit. Also, it's all classified."

"Yeah, yeah, Aisha got eyes, Aisha got ears, Aisha knows when to keep her mouth shut."

Elsewhere

"Oh, Lisa usually helped me with that," Dr. Weaver said guilelessly. "It's not really my strong suit."

Jessica sighed.

Elsewhere

Weld surveyed the wards kitchen, as Aegis shuffled awkwardly next to him. They had not expected to come back from a training session to find… this.

There was pasta on the ceiling. There was pasta on the floor. There was even pasta hanging frozen in mid-air. It looked like someone had gone to blend a bowl of pasta and forgotten the lid. With red sauce.

Vista, Impulse and Clockblocker very carefully did not make eye contact. All three were out of breath, smiling like loons, and looked like something out of a horror movie.

"Can we come out now?" A voice asked tentatively.

Weld bent down, lifted the tablecloth, and discovered Insight and Kid Win huddled underneath.

---

Note:
J: I'm not sure there are words for what you have
T: Lisa used to say that too

"I'm curious, were you seeing anyone back home?" Dr. Yamada asked.

"You, occasionally." Dr. Weaver replied.

"Do you know if there were any diagnoses?"

"Post-Event Trauma, Parahuman."

Jessica stared at the other woman. "I am… not familiar with that one?"

"I think it was added as a sort of catch-all when Dragon and you, well, other you, redid the DSM?"

Jessica blinked. "That must have been a major undertaking."

"Not really? I think it was like, you, Dragon and two other people?"

Jessica stared. DSM revisions were… it finally hit her, for the first time, just how complete the devastation had been. "I'm sorry," she said. "Hearing little details like that makes what happened real in a way that the raw numbers don't."

Dr. Weaver nodded empathetically. "It's like that with everyone." She smiled, distantly. "One of the kids we took in, all he ever wanted for his birthday was a can of this flavored soda, like his nan used to give him. Tasted terrible, but…" She shook her head. "Lisa eventually cut a deal with Valkyrie to help us get some from off-world, it was impossible to find on Bet or Gimel." She laughed, weakly. "I wonder if somewhere there was a maintenance guy wondering why his drinks machine was suddenly empty, and what Valkyrie left in trade."

---

Note: It's the little things that get you.

Also, finally caught up! Going forward will update here when I update SB and AO3

"Have you determined what happened in the Wards kitchen?" Emily asked. Parahumans could be difficult to understand but this, this was less a parahuman sort of problem and more a bored junior enlisted sort of problem. "Do they need to have their blender privileges taken away?"

"Wasn't the blender," Renick replied. "Food fight."

"Vista. In a food fight."

"With Impulse and Clockblocker."

Emily smiled without mirth. "Please instruct each of them to write a comprehensive report as what they have learned from this unscheduled power testing. Then put them through power testing and refresh their power safety training. Finally, get with Youth Guard and ask them for suggestions as to how we might instill a better appreciation for our overworked and under appreciated colleagues in Facilities."

---

Note: Schedule may be a bit off next few days due to travel

"Kamil, this has better be good," Glenn Chambers said without preamble as he swept into Kamil's office. "I had to cancel with Rime for this and you know what the blowback from that will be."

Kamil didn't even look up from his desk, instead gesturing to the cognitohazard equipment set up to the side.

Glenn rolled his eyes. "Really, what could be so bad as to need that yet so mundane as to need me."

"Humor me."

Shortly Thereafter

"Ok," Glenn complained. "I did the damn thing, now what's so important."

Kamil stood, retrieved a small object from a drawer, and tucked small devices into each of Glenn's pockets.

"We will be meeting under truce. For your protection, these devices will ensure that you appear as a featureless mannequin in formal attire."

Kamil ignored Glenn's squawk of protest.

"Door."

Glenn followed Kamil through the portal, but stopped dead when he saw who awaited them—Accord, and his senior unpowered colleagues.

---

Note: Have fun Glenn!

"Where did he find someone so good at managing meetings?" Glenn asked Kamil, during a break.

"She's a trained kindergarten teacher," Kamil replied, flipping through his notes.

Glenn started to laugh, then realized he was the only one laughing. "You're serious. How did that happen?"

"She was hired as an intermediary. Accord read something that suggested thinkers run their plans past a child first. It was probably meant as a joke, but he took it seriously. Her primary job is to take actual problems and proposals, turn them into age-appropriate hypotheticals, and then present them to actual children for feedback. Then it turned out she was also really good at managing meetings."

"I don't know how to respond to that. We've tried children's focus groups but the results are mixed at best."

"It's not a focus group. She does the creative thinking exercises in her role as a teaching assistant for actual kindergarten classes. That's why you won't see her before noon three days a week."

---

Notes:
G:How on Earth did he get that approved!
K: …
G: Right

Ed: slightly clarified the dialogue

"Amy?"

Amy glanced up from her book. Shit. "Hi, Vicky. Uh, where's Dean?"

Across the table, Taylor slid down in her seat and stared more intently at her book. Amy, meanwhile, carefully made sure that her book was set down such that Vicky couldn't see the title or cover art.

"Oh, we were going to go out but there was a thing and I'm more interested in hearing about you and Taylor. And how you were going to go socialize with friends. But here you two are, sitting in a coffee shop, reading books. Silently."

Amy glowered.

Later

"It's good to see you!" Taylor's counterpart said in greeting. She's shown up unexpectedly for dinner, along with a bottle of wine and a nervous expression.

"We're always happy to have you," said Taylor's father. "What's the occasion."

The older woman gave a brittle laugh. "Doctor's orders. Apparently I've been working too hard."

"Also," she said, withdrawing a formal-looking envelope from her bag, "The Fairy Queen has requested that I convey her formal apologies for her recent uninvited appearance. We should discuss how to respond."

Taylor sighed. That sounded complicated.

---

Note: Amy/Taylor have a tacit understanding that they will enable each other's desire to hide in a corner and read when they are supposed to be socializing. This is the pair of people you see at a diner, sitting at the same table, each reading through the whole meal with like eight words exchanged. (I'm not sure what Taylor is reading, but Amy is reading utter trash.)

The middle-aged woman leaned forward, and consulted her pad. Now that he knew, Glenn could see her in a classroom setting. There was a quiet confidence about her, that let her seem to effortlessly dominate the room, despite the numerous egos involved.

She cleared her throat. "With the assistance of Dragon, I have compiled the results of this morning's sessions. I wish to highlight certain key questions which this morning's sessions raise."

She continued, "Firstly, who, precisely, has jurisdiction over Cauldron? Its operations are based on another Earth, and its founders are not recognized as citizens of any state on Bet or any alternate with which we have diplomatic contact. Moreover, if any state were to claim them as citizens, that state would have the immediate problem of addressing Cauldron's various acts of war."

"Second, who has best claim to the dead God? The remains are located on another world, and her people are from beyond the stars."

"Third, laws, treaties and conventions created to address the Aleph incident clearly prohibit any state on Bet from claiming territory on any inhabited alternate. Where does this leave the Fae? And where does this leave Cauldron's off-world operations?"

---

Note:

Glenn: … Can we just shoot the lawyers instead?

"Hello?" Cassie greeted the PRT personnel working outside with the dogs. "Do you know where Rachel is?"

"Around back," the closest one said. "Call out when you go around, she's training, will probably be a while."

Cassie regarded the trooper thoughtfully. He was older, with grey in his hair. Not the sort of person you thought of when you saw the troopers armored up with their face-concealing helmets.

"What made you decide to do this training?" Cassie asked.

The man shrugged. "I was in the service way back, before parahumans. Wanted to work with the K9 guys but never got the chance. Then after parahumans, well, that sort of thing sort of went away. What about you?"

Cassie smiled. "I love animals. I want to be a vet. Dr. Weaver brought me out here one time to see the dogs, and I asked if I could help out more."

After a few more pleasantries, Cassie made her way around the house, stopping a few more times to greet troopers and the good boys and girls they were working with.

Rounding the corner, she found Wafa watching one of the troopers working with Rachel on what Cassie recognized as self-defense drills.

Careful to not startle or interrupt, Cassie conferred with Wafa before going in to help with dinner prep.

---

Note: Puppy! Puppy puppy puppy!

"But, mom," Vicky said, "if we don't do anything how are we going to afford better armor!"

Carol sighed. "I'm glad you are taking more of an interest in this side of the business. However, sadly it is a business. Our brand is very valuable and taking the wrong gig would damage that. We might make some money in the short term but in the long-term we would lose more than we gain."

"But what's wrong with these?"

"Let's see," Carol said, taking the paper. "This first one has a reputation for bad labor practices, I'm sure we don't want to be associated with that."

Vicky shook her head firmly.

"The second is for an event whose organizer is a public advocate for 'drafting' all parahumans into 'national service'."

"That's awful!"

"Hmmm," Carol turned and did a quick search on her computer. "Yeah, this third one is Nazi sympathizers."

"What!"

"Aura," Carol said automatically. "They do this periodically, have a front group approach us."

"We'll see about that!" Vicky stood up.

"Victoria…" Carol cautioned.

"I'm not going to do anything bad, I'm just going to go remind someone that kneecaps are a privilege!"

---

Note: Like many teens and young adults, at times Victoria has all the subtlety of a flying brick to the face.

"Aisha?"

"'Sup, bro?"

"Why is—what is that?" Brian gestured at the mess of little cards his sister had on the table."

"Pre-programming my brain so that it can more easy solve problems so I can seem all smart and shit even when I'm tired."

Those are just… flashcards. It was like his sister had a pathological need to re-interpret normal things using her own vocabulary.

"Anyway," Brian said, "why is there hair all over the couch?"

"Oh that's from the thing with Dr. Weaver." Aisha paused, thoughtfully. "I'm not actually sure where the cat went, but kitty was good at getting her out of her case of sads."

"Aisha, what are you talking about?" Brian asked.

"There was a thing? She was being weird, and freaked me out, then freaked Lisa out, then Dr. W got sad and started reminiscing or some shit? Then there was a kitty, and a tired lady, and Dr. Weaver eventually sort of snapped out of it? I ate ice cream."

"Aisha, what are you talking about?"

She wrinkled her nose. "Sorry, bro, it's, like, super classified and shit."

"Oh," she added, "that reminds me, did you send the PRT stuff to those, uh, peeps from the talk?"

---

Note:
B: Wait. What do you mean you don't know where the cat went? Is it still here? Do we have someone's cat living somewhere in the apartment?

"To sum up our discussion," the lawyer said, "Valkyrie controls territory, specifically at least one entire alternate world. She, personally, can apply force as well or better than most nations' conventional or strategic forces. She has bullion reserves."

"Perhaps more importantly," the consultant added, "if she declares herself sovereign, it's not like anyone can tell her 'no' and make it stick. She's so strong that even with Cauldron's capabilities added on, it doesn't change the balance of power."

"And we're pretty sure that if she decided to just eat Cauldron, no one could stop her."

"That too."

"I don't disagree," Glenn said in a pained tone, "and for that I hate you all. Although it still leaves the job of convincing her to declare war on Cauldron."

Later

Kamil stared at Glenn in disbelief, while Tagg laughed. Finally, Kamil said, "You're serious?"

"Yes," Glenn confirmed, as Accord slowly paged through Dragon's summary of the group's conclusions.

"Well," Tagg finally said, "it has the benefit of simplicity."

"I believe she might have already had thoughts in this direction," Dragon offered. "Not as regards to Cauldron, but rather to further her goal of advocating for the Fae. Consider who she has already hired as advisors."

"Which means we don't have to tell her directly," Glenn added.

"I'll call the Secretary, former Secretary," Tagg said, "and tell him we need to meet. I had some dealings with him back when he was in cabinet."

---

Note: I'm not saying this is a bad idea, but I will say that sometimes if you don't properly supervise your consultants they come up with weird ideas.

"Why do you have a whole chart?" Taylor asked her counterpart.

"When I was younger, I found this sort of thing helpful when dealing formally with, ah, The Fairy Queen. I don't need this sort of thing anymore, but I thought you might find it helpful."

Taylor looked at her counterpart skeptically. "Is this really necessary?"

Her counterpart nodded. "For us, yes. Our shard, power, it's high ranking as such things go. The good thing is, that means she sees you as a peer. That is good, as it means she is less likely to do something drastic out of hand. However, she sees you as a peer, so it is more important to engage with her using her preferred framework."

Taylor remained skeptical.

Elsewhere

"Dinah?"

"Yes, mom?"

"Honey, why are you in a tree?"

"Because that big branch there goes close to the window, and I want to practice!"

"Practice what?"

"They put on the new window locks and I want to give them a try!"

Shortly thereafter

"Well," Triumph said with a brittle smile, "At least she's not doing drugs?"

His aunt looked unconvinced, an expression that turned to alarm upon hearing a sudden loud thump from outside.

"I'm OK!" Dinah's voice called out. Giggling followed.

---

Note: At least she's not joining a gang?

"Hey! Taylor!" Amy winced as her sister flagged down Taylor from across the cafeteria.

Taylor cautiously made her way over. "Hi?"

"Hi Taylor! Amy said you are good at thinking outside the box so I was hoping you might have some good ideas!"

Amy rolled her eyes, and snarked, "Yes, but I expected you to be more low key about it."

Victoria barreled on, "So, I want to get New Wave better armor, and that takes money. But we can't do appearances and stuff like Parian because stealth Nazis."

On the other side of Amy, Dean choked on his drink.

"I mean, off the top of my head? Kids' birthday parties? That's different than a public appearance, I mean, even kids of Nazis might want a real life superhero to show up and if the kids are young enough, say under fives, you can't really hold it against the kids that their parents are awful…"

Victoria began scribbling notes furiously, as Amy rolled her eyes.

Later

"… depending on how much you can lift while flying, you might have opportunities in trades, although, hmmm, there's insurance again, and NEPEA…"

Later

"… but, no, hmm I guess you could still do bounty hunting if you went incognito? Also, just farming Nazis, well, their contraband, cops do it all the time. Anyway, so that's what I got off the top of my head, I'm gonna go grab a drink and then maybe we talk more after?"

"Sure," Victoria said, still scribbling notes. "This is all great, thanks!"

"How did we go from 'TV appearance' to 'Nazi birthdays' to 'secret bounty hunter' so quickly?" Dennis asked in awe.

"Where did you find this girl, Amy?" Chris added.

"No comment," Amy replied automatically.

"Hey!" Vicky said, "She had good ideas!"

Amy wished she had been able to get a picture of the look that passed over Dean's face.

---

Note: But what if they were baby Nazis? Could we take their money then?