Goddamn Teenagers (Worm, AU/time travel)

[dc2008]

Note: Technically speaking this might be a bit "in the future" as far as timeline goes. However work has been kicking my ass, and the thing that was going to go up this afternoon is not ready yet.

---

"Introductions will be arranged," Dr. Weaver said to the imposing masked man in a suit. "However I cannot stress enough that her health and well-being is critical. Considerable effort has been put into her current living arrangements and you will not compromise that. Her sister, in particular, is an extremely potent close-in bodyguard who can go many places you cannot. In addition, there can be no hint of impropriety on her part, her sterling reputation and non-combatant status both provide significant benefits."

"I understand," the man said, meeting her gaze steadily. "She doesn't know me, and I won't rip her away from the family she has come to know. I'm just," he averted his eyes briefly, before composing himself, "I never thought I'd see her again."

Dr. Weaver nodded. "We will now meet the gentleman who will assist in your reintegration."

"Does he know we are coming?"

Dr. Weaver smiled, and got up. "Door," she said, in lieu of answering.

On The Other Side

Thomas sighed when the portal appeared in his office. At least he was wearing his costume this time. The portal deposited that woman, along with an imposing middle-aged man Thomas didn't recognize. He wore a well-fitting suit and a domino mask.

"Coil, Marquis. Marquis, Coil." She turned to Marquis, apparently, because now she was casually dropping Birdcage escapees in his lap. "Coil will assist you in getting established." She turned back to Thomas. "Marquis will be assisting with the grey side of things. There is to be no evidence of his involvement in overtly criminal activity, however I expect his assistance will be invaluable in dealing with the Empire."

---

Note: Hi Coil! Don't think I forgot you! Kthxbye

 

[dc2008]

Lisa had mixed feelings as the tech finished the cognitohazard safety prep, under the watchful eye of Director Piggot. She couldn't say she strictly enjoyed the process, but it was at least a sign of that something interesting would be happening.

After double-checking the displays and eavesdropping countermeasures, the Director sent a message, and sat down.

Fortunately, the door opened soon after because how the hell do you make polite small talk with Director Piggot?

Dr. Weaver entered and looked stressed to all hell. But before she could do more than shut the door Power offered his contribution. She is a time traveling dimension hopper and other!you is her best friend. She is the favorite of [REDACTED] who is a peer of the Fairy Queen and, this is a compliment, a cheating cheater who cheats.

"What the fuck?" Lisa exclaimed involuntarily.

Dr. Weaver sighed. "This might go better if you write down what Power says."

"Uh," Lisa hesitated, "are you sure? Because he is babbling about how he likes humans, will take good care of me, and that you are a benevolent queen who is undoubtedly too kind to feed him to the Fairy Queen? Oh and that he 'wouldn't mind another star', whatever that means?"

Dr. Weaver rolled her eyes. "He doesn't need another star, although he gets points for chutzpah. As for the rest…"

---

Note: Power grows on you. Like a fungus.

Also is there a list somewhere of shards by rank/nobility tier?

 

[dc2008]

"Lisa," Charlotte said with deliberate care. "I want to make sure I have this right. You are worried about Greg. Your plan to help is to send people he barely knows to his house, unprompted, to reveal that oh by the way GSG and some girl he's never heard of cyber-stalked and doxxed him?"

Lisa rolled her eyes. "When you say it like that of course it sounds bad.

Elsewhere

"Hey everyone," Weld called to the gathered Wards. "I'd like to introduce you to a team member we will be seeing more of in the coming weeks."

"Hello fellow kids. I am the artist formerly known as Regent. You do not have enough relationship points to unlock my tragic backstory."

Weld rolled his eyes. "His name is Impulse."

"Yes, my name is Impulse Control. It's aspirational."

Weld ignored him. "Impulse will be spending most of his time with the scientists—"

"You're the kid from the gaming session!" Dennis interrupted."

"Oh, God," Missy said to Dinah. "Another one."

 

[dc2008]

"Should you be drinking that?" James asked, eyeing Emily's flask.

Emily wiggled her hand. "It's some tinkertech nonsense. Weaver."

James turned to Kamil. "How much of their files have you gotten through?"

Kamil took a drag on his cigarette. "Too much, and still not enough. This is too big for us."

James sighed. "I know, and everything I've seen says the information containment protocols are no longer an issue."

"No, we just have to worry about reality breaking." Emily observed acerbically.

"If we get that far," James commented darkly. He took a sip of his own drink. "They just fought a war, and none of the suits or brass even knew."

Kamil gestured with his cigarette. "It would be easier if they had their hands in the till. Even Rebecca didn't have any thought for what might come after, beyond prepositioning caches to support refugees and reconstruction."

Emily shrugged. "From what Weaver says, where she's from, they barely had that left."

"Speaking of Weaver," Kamil said, learning forward, "can you imagine her in front of the press, or an oversight committee?" He shook his head. "They'll want her controlled, she'll object, and where does that leave us?"

"Chaos," James replied. He stole one of Kamil's cigarettes, and regarded it clinically. "God knows what contingencies she has, or others have on her behalf."

Kamil rubbed out the remains of his own cigarette in the ashtray. "We won't solve this tonight. But we need to, soon."

---

Note: Oh look, plot!

 

[dc2008]

Mentally and emotionally drained, Lisa dragged herself to her apartment door. She liked Dr. Weaver. Respected her. Apparently other!her did too or something what the fuckbut it was a lot and right now she just wanted to curl up with her cheap wine until it all made sense.

"'Sup buttercup." Aisha said, without looking up from her study guide, as Lisa entered her apartment.

Lisa dropped her bag and stared. "Why are you here?"

Aisha marked her place, looked up, and shrugged. "Doc Weaver said you had a rough day. I don't want to deal with your drunk ass, so we're going to watch dumb TV or eat ice cream or whatever. Something that doesn't end in you hiding under a blanket with a hangover."

Elsewhere

"—So yeah it's a thing in some countries where they want to be taller, so I figured you could make it go better? And for other things?"

Amy dutifully jotted down a few notes about Taylor's horrifying insights into hammer-assisted cosmetic and reconstructive procedures.

Somehow they'd gone from Taylor's power to Amy's power, and even just with the bits Taylor knew about… yeah.

"You know," Amy said, changing the subject, "you might want to consider talking to Vicky about some of this. She really gets into this some of nitty gritty power stuff…"

---

Notes: No Amy don't Amy what are you doing

 

[dc2008]

"Dragon," Colin began, "these datasets are amazing but where did you get them?"

"The source."

Colin looked up sharply.

"Yes," Dragon continued, "they're portals. Specifically, the same sort as was used to collect all those bounties."

"Then why are they appearing in this building?" Colin replied with clear frustration.

"Negotiations are ongoing and extremelysensitive. The Fairy Queen is involved."

Colin sighed. "Right, don't rock the boat."

"Thank you. We'll brief you further when we can. In the meantime, they are extremely interested in your work detecting and mapping the portals. They are interested in working with you to get more and better readings, so long as you share your findings. Specifically…"

Elsewhere

Setting aside the dossier, Kamil jotted down a few notes, absentmindedly gave the cat a piece of chicken from his salad, and retrieved the next file.

Wait a minute

Looking back down, Kamil saw a black and white speckled kitten sitting attentively next to his chair, looking up at him with big eyes.

"Mreow."

Just to be sure, Kamil surveyed the small office. As he recalled, the door was closed and there was a conspicuous absence of places where a kitten might conceal itself.

The kitten politely tapped him to get his attention, and then began rubbing against his leg.

Scritchies were rewarded with purring.

 

[dc2008]

"This is humiliating." Missy grumped. "Like I'm in one of those baby carriers."

Vicky laughed. "Would you prefer Aegis? Oh, I could do a princess carry!"

"You know, I could just use my power to gain height."

"Sure, but that's might distract you from more important things!"

Missy's response was not PR friendly.

"OK, here we go!" Vicky slowly lifted up off the ground of the PRT testing area, letting the straps take Missy's weight and lift her as well. "Look, ma, no hands!"

Missy replied with a power-assisted dope-slap.

Elsewhere

When Taylor got home, she was surprised to see her dad on the floor setting up an electronics… thing in the living room.

"Hi?" Taylor asked in greeting.

"Hi," replied her father. "Good timing I'm almost done."

Taylor came closer for a better view. "What is it?"

"Motion triggered cameras. For all the cat likes to hide when we are around, there has been cat hair in some unlikely places."

---

Kitty!

 

[dc2008]

"I see you are embracing your new identity," Dr. Weaver said by way of greeting.

Lisa grinned. She was wearing a new, tailored skirt suit in her brand color, complete with domino mask and an elaborate hat. "It is not my fault the clock boy has insufficient creativity."

"Hmm."

"Anyway," Lisa continued, "I have with great effort identified two prospective infiltrators in the first tranche of analyst courses. I have prepared dossiers."

The older woman took the offered files. "This is one of Accord's consultants," she said casually, setting aside the first. "But this second one will warrant further investigation."

"Is that what he's calling them now?" Lisa snarked.

"Yes," Dr. Weaver said evenly, as she continued to page through the second dossier. "I gave him a guide from Aleph, it's a surprisingly useful tool for for avoiding common thinker pitfalls. He embraced its teachings and, among other things, recruited a guy who was a partner at Bain. Guy wanted a job that let him give back to the community."

Lisa laughed. "You're fucking with me."

"Others have been recruited as well, including a young woman whose job is to recast potential plans as story ideas or versus debates, and post them to PHO."

"You are fucking with me?"

"He has also recruited a literal child. They were paid in sweets, but that quickly proved unhealthy, so their compensation was adjusted. I believe stickers are now a major component."

"Please tell me you're fucking with me."

"I am fucking with you. There is more than one child."

If you compliment her she might give you a copy of that Aleph tool.

 

[dc2008]

Dr. Weaver skimmed the offered document. "This appears to be a set of notices from persons whose security clearances require notice upon taking on parahuman-related lobbying or other engagements."

"Yes," Rebecca replied. "It is. Including most of the team that handled initial negotiations with Aleph. Why."

"Did you ask them?"

"The former Attorney General of the United States assured me that his client has never been convicted of any crime, and that he was not disclosing their name at this time. The others referred me to him."

"Oh, then this is probably just Valkyrie. I believe she also engaged a PR firm? The one headed by your former press secretary?"

"Why? How?" It was bad enough when the Elite did this sort of thing, let alone The Fairy Queen.

Dr. Weaver shrugged. "As to the first, I imagine so as to avoid having to deal with all of this." She gestured at the papers not the table between them. "As to the latter, I believe she gave Kurt a large quantity of bullion."

---

Note: Ciara has discovered that the true power was money all along.

 

[dc2008]

"What!" Taylor sputtered. "Yes I work out, but that's doesn't mean I'm going to just randomly 'spar' with you!?"

"But you went to Winslow," the upperclassman whined, "you fight brutes in gym class!"

Taylor face-palmed. "Look, just no. If you want to learn actual self-defense, here's the card for a good gym."

Later

"Wow, Aunt Sarah, I didn't realize uniforms were so expensive!"

"I am glad you have started to focus more on these things. There is a lot of support work that goes into being a hero."

"Huh. Neat! Can I keep this?"

"Sure? It's a standard thing the PRT gives to affiliates to help them source PPE?"

Later

"Hey, Ames!" Victoria greeted her sister when she got back from the hospital.

"Yo," replied Amy.

"So, I'm brainstorming and wanted your take—how can we raise a lot of money quickly?"

---

Note: Vicky is being mature and responsible!

 

[dc2008]

Men came, and some women, to learn about dogs. They dressed like cops, but they didn't act like cops. They were careful with the dogs, and didn't get stupid or loud with Rachel. They thanked her a lot, and didn't smile with teeth. Wafa said some had been found by her and the dogs, which made sense.

Wafa was nice. She helped Rachel use a computer to order things for the dogs, and for the house. She was also helping Rachel with her numbers and letters, and was helping teach Rachel to cook. It was nice having hot food on the regular. Real food too, not just microwave stuff. Wafa's son came by sometimes to visit for food. He was good with the dogs, and with the men who came to learn.

Cassie was nice. There was some thing Dr. Weaver worked out, something about school credit. It meant Cassie could come by more often, multiple times per week. She was good with the dogs, and good with Rachel too. Rachel liked her company.

Dr. Weaver still visited, although less than she used to. She apologized a lot for it. Rachel wasn't stupid. Dr. Weaver was PRT, and lots of strange things had been happening with heroes and villains and the PRT. Not Rachel's problem. She wondered sometimes why Dr. Weaver let herself get pulled into that stuff. People were weird sometimes, even smart people.

Rachel still kept her bag packed and checked it every night. She had made one for Wafa too. When she showed Wafa, Wafa got a sad look and then gave Rachel a hug.

---

Note: Rachel always hits me in the feels

 

[dc2008]

"Wow," Aisha said upon seeing Alec enter the elevator. It was school o' clock, and she couldn't recall ever seeing Alec up and dressed at such an hour. "Up early or late?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "Early. The lab coats are getting adorable woodland creatures for my sister to torment. I'm coming along for moral support."

Elsewhere

"I meant to ask, what is happening with, ah, Vasil's children?"

"Hmm?" Director Tagg replied. "At the moment, no doubt still receiving care. Most will have mothers or other living family, we'll be reaching out as per SOP."

"Huh." Dr. Weaver replied. "That is surprisingly straightforward."

Tagg set down his file. "Do I want to know what happened in your timeline?"

Elsewhere

When Jessica rotated to Brockton Bay, she knew she had a challenge ahead of her. ENE had gone far too long with far too little mental health support, and even a cursory review of the files had been harrowing. But this was far beyond what she had anticipated.

"I have always been the Custodian," appeared in the sand table. "What else would I be?"

---

Note: Not entirely happy with this.

 

[dc2008]

"Hey, Bro! Ready to go?"

Brian looked up in confusion. "Already? Isn't it a bit early?"

"Nah," Aisha replied confidently. "We got to go early to meet up with the rest, and Vicky said parking's a mess so let's goooooo!"

Well at least she's eager to learn.

"So what is today's camouflage?" Brian asked as he got up.

"I'm not going to be able to pass as a college student, but I can pass as a smarty-pants high schooler, so that's me today!"

"Hmm," replied Brian. He'd take what he could get. "Let me get a pic for dad?"

"Good idea," Aisha replied absently, fishing around in her bag. "Want to keep him happy so he'll be more likely to help us, uh, not fight dirty."

Brian rolled his eyes, and grabbed his coat.

"No!" Aisha said, as he pulled it on. "Wear the nicer coat, Laserdream will be there and we need to hack her brain right!"

---

Note: Being Brian is suffering.

 

[dc2008]

Mark contemplated the ceiling, and the benefit of just rolling over and going back to sleep.

"Mreow?"

Or he could feed the cat before he got insistent.

Mark made his way downstairs. The cat food was, as usual, tucked in the cabinet, above the counter on which sat his meds, a piece of fruit, and a Glory Girl branded sticky note with a little heart drawn on it. He knew what Vicky was doing, knew that they had an automatic feeder that she kept turning off. He felt a little better every day, and he loved her for it.

Elsewhere

"Finally, we have a request from Weld that we stop stocking the Wards common room with energy drinks."

Emily blinked. "We don't, not since that kid in LA put himself in the hospital two years ago with heart palpitations and it hit the news."

Phil made a note, "Right, new question, who has been giving Vista taurine and how do we make them stop."

Elsewhere

"Thank you for waiting until I was ready to tell you," Taylor said, nervously wringing her hands. "I figured you probably knew but the thing we had was nice, you know?"

Other!her nodded. "I understand." She smiled sadly, "If I could have spared you all of this I would have, although part of me is happy you will be able to better protect yourself and Danny."

Other!her eyed Taylor's notebook with a knowing look. "So I expect you have been doing some thinking?"

---

Note: Kitty! Also, the Taylors are scheming and I'm sure everything will be fine.

 

[dc2008]

Aisha surveyed the situation carefully. They had arrived suitably early and met up with Vicky, her cousin and the interested girls, as well as some others who had tagged along to actually, you know, hear the lecture. Brian had taken her advice and worn his nice coat, and she had ensured he wouldn't get distracted talking to her or Lisa.

Everything seemed to be going to plan, but she wasn't taking chances!

Meanwhile

Brian forced a smile. The talk had been fine, and Aisha seemed unusually engaged. But the gaggle of college girls was a bit trying. He shouldn't have been surprised that "Vicky's college friends" would be predominantly women (along with a couple very buff guys who registered to him as probably gay but he couldn't articulate why). Still, the intensity of the attention he was getting was unusual for him. Sure, he was in shape, but the number, frequency and, again, sheer intensity of the looks was unusual. He was used to environments where you specifically didn't do things to draw attention, and those sorts of looks qualified. It was in some ways flattering, but also made him feel a little like a piece of meat?

---

Notes: At least one more of these coming

 

[dc2008]

"Huh," Vicky said, "I didn't expect her to be the one he would want to talk to. She didn't text earlier and I wasn't even sure she was going to come."

Vicky stood with Aisha and Lisa, off to the side, in the atrium outside where the lecture had been held. The plan had been a success, sort of? Brain had showed up, politely talked with the girls. But with one exception, he didn't talk to any one of them very long.

Lisa looked at Vicky incredulously. "Isn't it obvious?"

Vicky stared at Lisa blankly.

"You can see it in her gait, the way she looks at things."

Vicky stared at Lisa blankly.

Lisa sighed. "I don't even—fine, look at her clothes."

Vicky dutifully examined the girl's clothes while the girl laughed at something Brian said. Meanwhile, Aisha started nodding thoughtfully.

"They're a little worn? A little out of fashion? Well, compared to the others?" Vicky finally offered.

Lisa sighed again. "Look, it's a community college, no one here is rich but the other people you found are at least comfortable. Or not uncomfortable. It's not my business and I'm not going to pry, but she's lived closer to the edge than the others and it means Brian can more easily relate to her."

---

Note: If this was a different, more QQ sort of fic, this would be the point where Brian hilariously stumbles into a string of torrid escapades involving hot college girls. However, that is not what this fic is about.

 

[dc2008]

"I'm sorry, why does Accord have Blasto on house arrest?" Kamil asked. "And why is Blasto cooperating?"

Dr. Weaver shrugged. "With the assistance of his consultants, Accord confirmed significant changes to his neurochemistry and psychology commencing around the time of his trigger. The extent of the changes greatly upset him. He initially retained Blasto as one of several experts to assist in establishing a baseline for use in developing a treatment plan. Then Accord discovered Blasto's efforts to clone endbringer tissue, we got involved, and, well, Blasto was given an offer he couldn't refuse."

Well, everyone was awake now.

"Endbringer tissue?" Director Tagg asked, sitting up sharply, his voice deceptively calm.

Dr. Weaver waggled her hand. "Nothing viable yet, even he doesn't really know why he was doing it. Seemed alarmed when Accord had him shown the Jack Slash research about the mental influence parahuman powers can have on their hosts. Users. Partners. Whatever."

Tagg gestured for her to continue.

"If I had to guess, I'd put it down to a Fae acting out absent proper supervision, but we can't say with certainty where Blasto's Fae currently sits in the courts, and what its current permissions are. It might be following instructions from another Fae. Valkyrie and Eidolon have communed queries of their own, but it might be a few days before we get anything back from that."

Dr. Weaver jotted down a note of her own. "Now that I think about it, it might be worthwhile to unfreeze Jack Slash and see if we can't coopt his power somehow."

She continued writing as Kamil and Tagg stared at her. "Perhaps also bring in Cranial? Might need Riley and Panacea as well, although I'd want to be more certain of Panacea's mental state before bringing her into this."

---

Taylor: I hope you weren't planning to sleep anytime soon!
Also Taylor: Panacea? Nah, better to get someone stable and reliable, like Bonesaw.

 

[dc2008]

Note: I don't know if this is canon to the fic, but this idea of uptime people reacting to Taylor's disappearance and trying to manage a grumpy Lisa wouldn't go away

---

They were older than they'd once been. Uniforms had a bit more give, and a bit more structure. There were a few grey hairs here and there. They'd survived, though the years may have been hard on them.

Except Dragon and Defiant, they looked great, freaky cyborgs.

"As long as that cunt is in post," Tattletale said acerbically, "I will neither confirm nor deny." She leaned forward. "But if we did have the perp, I'd say that it's L33t's power returned, and the damn thing has no idea what it did."

"Officially, no one will authorize funding," Defiant began.

"Yeah," Victoria said, over the chuckles, "somehow I doubt that will be a problem."

Defiant continued, "In part because the thinkers are all strangely convinced that she's not dead, she's just somewhere else."

"Yeah," Tattletale responded, "and Chicken Little is so goddamn smug and energized one of the Heartbroken tried to tranq him. Wherever she is, her fairy godmother clearly ain't worried."

"The problem," said the masked woman who suddenly registered to everyone's consciousness. "Is that she doesn't have you," she pointed at Tattletale, "or any of us, so she'll start doing stupid shit. Just like you do stupid shit when she's not around unless someone babysits you."

Tattle sputtered in mock outrage, forgot who she was talking to, checked the readout, then threw a paper clip at nothing.

"So is it a pocket dimension? Another alternate?" Victoria asked, before things could devolve further.

Tattletale looked at Defiant significantly.

He shifted awkwardly. Dragon cut in, "we don't know. If so it's one no one can perceive."

"And that self-righteous bitch," Tattletale cut in acerbically, "thinks it's not a problem. If it's undetectable, then it's a threat vector, and not a small one. Fuckboy wanna-bee L33t doesn't know what he did, but now that he's shown it can be done some clever fuck is going to replicate it, whether from our side or from the other side, wherever that is, and she just wants us to bend over and wait for the pinecone enema."

Defiant shuffled uncomfortable. "Official channels are aggressively and affirmatively barring action, beyond the basic investigation that has already been done."

"Fucking cunt." Tattletale mumbled.

Defiant ignored her, and continued. "However, a few people have quietly indicated availability, and I have—" he began looking around the table in confusion, "—had a list of personnel and equipment that, if they were to become available through unofficial channels, would help greatly."

"You'll have it," said the masked woman whose presence everyone had forgot, as she paged through Defiant's list. She gestured toward Victoria. "Some of this, though, might be easier to get through blondie's no longer teen idol group."

Victoria rubbed her brow. "Fine, get with Ash later, we both know whatever it is would otherwise get passed by Kenzie to Aiden anyway."

---

Note: Characterizations here are very fuzzy. Except Tattletale, who is barely holding it together because her platonic life partner got almost murdered and did get yeeted to who knows where. I'm deliberately non-specific as to who exactly among the white hats it is that Lisa is in a pissing match with, but there are a lot of possibilities.

 

[dc2008]

To be clear, the uptime interlude is not at present canon. It's a funny thing that popped in my head yesterday and demanded to be written.

As for uptime!Lisa, my take on Lisa is that her and power both have this impulse to be petty, bitchy and drama-hungry. Uptime!Lisa usually keeps it under better control, but the absence of Taylor is hitting her hard.

There is also Lisa's side of the complex co-dependent mutual support/enabling thing going on between her and Taylor. Where each, without the other's influence, starts falling back on "bad habits" like petty bitchiness for Lisa and, well, {gestures vaguely toward the jaded!Taylor shenanigans}. There is a reason that some people are worried Taylor might be running around in a Team Gimel jacket doing things that might, maybe, technically, be acts of war.

You've also got the phenomenon where the more people know Taylor, the more they are adamant they need to go and get her and oh my God we can't let her run around unsupervised. It's the people who are less familiar with her who are saying "she's a grown up I'm sure it's fine."

Basically, she's that officer who is really, really good at what they do but absolutely cannot be promoted any further, must be watched carefully, and must always be kept busy. They can make really, really, really good staff officers sometimes, but they don't get given higher independent command for a reason.

IRL in the US they seem to often retire at around Lt. Col, Commander, or equivalent rank, and sometimes you get one who retires and then writes some really wild shit. However on Gimel I doubt they have enough people to need an up or out system, so she has sort of just hung around.

 

[dc2008]

"Finally, we shall learn his secrets!" Taylor said dramatically.

Her father laughed, as he finished fiddling with the viewer. "Ok, so it's motion-activated. Let's see what he gets up to when we aren't around."

They watched as Taylor III cautiously made his way down the stairs. Slowly, he made a circuit of the room, sniffing at some things, rubbing against others.

Then he approached the camera itself. They were treated to a close-up view of his nose, then his tongue, and then his side. Satisfied, the cat-shaped blob moved away from the lens that was now thoroughly obscured with a combination of fluff, nose print and saliva.

As her father laughed, Taylor adopted a contemplative expression, and said dramatically, "Well played, sir. Well played."

---

Note: Kitty has a good nose

 

[dc2008]

"That was fun!" Aisha said as they got in the car. "There is another talk in a couple weeks, we should go!"

"Sure?" Brian replied.

"I saw you made some friends?" Lisa asked. Brian was focusing on the road, so he didn't see the sharp look that Aisha gave Lisa.

"I guess? I didn't expect so much interest in working for the PRT. I'm glad we had those classes so I knew how to answer most of the questions. I'll have to mention it at work, maybe we can step up recruitment or something."

"Interest in the PRT?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah," Brian said absently. "Some of the questions were stuff I didn't know so I'll have to text them later."

"So how many girls did give you their numbers so you can send them info about the PRT?"

"Five or six?"

"So," interrupted Aisha, "subject change! I'm hungry, what's for dinner?"

---

Notes:
Aisha later: Whew, that was close, I was worried he would catch on!
Lisa: Aisha, sweetie, I hate to say this but sometimes your brother is kind of dumb?
Aisha: Yeah but that's like, part of his charm?

 

[dc2008]

"We've been over this," Kamil said. "The core problem is that Weaver was too successful. How do you justify extreme measures to the public when they never even perceived the threat?"

"We need a plan," Tagg grumbled. "We're reacting when we need to be acting."

"You're right," Kamil said, pushing his chair back. "Is any of this critical right now, truly?"

"No," Tagg begrudgingly admitted. "They will fuck it up, but they can handle it." He regarded Kamil carefully. "Do I want to know?"

"No."

"Mreow!" Added the kitten, from under the table, where he definitely had not been ten minutes ago.

Shortly Thereafter

In his office, with all security measures enabled, Kamil carefully reviewed his hastily scribbled notes. They had ruled out Thinktank as hopelessly compromised, and while their prompt engineering had improved he didn't trust PtV for this. But he'd realized that while the problem involved parahumans, it was actually fundamentally social and political. And they didn't need parahumans for that, humans had been doing that on their own since time immemorial.

First, he sent a high-priority, high-security message to Glenn Chambers informing him he would soon be required on short notice. Then, he picked up his encrypted phone and dialed a number from memory. He didn't have a trusted team of non-parahuman analysts. But he knew someone who did.

---

Note: Kitty!

 

[dc2008]

"You want to pay me to… nap?" Aisha said skeptically.

"Yes. A parahuman power monitoring you as a possible… partner? Agent? Finds you interesting? It's not entirely clear." Dr. Weaver shrugged. "Thinkers."

"Uh-huh?"

"Right, so anyway, for bullshit power reasons, some people want to talk to your power, or rather the power you might get someday if something bad happens. It has been determined that the best way to do that is to talk to you. There might be visual aids too? Don't worry you can still sleep with your eves closed."

"Back up. Some… thing is watching me? Including when I sleep!? That's very not cool. Got enough of that with Mom's ex Marv the Perv."

Aisha shuddered. "Wait, if it's watching me sleep, when else is it watching me! Oh my god, it's watching me now, isn't it! It watches me shower! And poo! What the fuck! Before we talk about the nap thing, let's first talk about the peeping pervert thing and how to make it stop!"

---

Note: Aisha focuses on the important bit!

 

[dc2008]

Lisa followed Dr. Weaver into the Laborns' living room to find Aisha, ashen-faced, curled up on the sofa under a blanket.

"So what's going on?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah," Aisha replied with a weak laugh, "tell her about the alien pervert."

Lisa listened with growing horror to Dr. Weaver's tortured explanation. Finally, she'd had enough. "Stop stop stop. Are you trying to 'but actually' an alien voyeur parasite panopticon?"

Host is best host, except for {REDACTED}'s host which is the best best host and {REDACTED} is great and wise and powerful and so is best host and I recognize their splendor. But host is next best host after best host!

Dr. Weaver looked perplexed. "I really don't see the problem? It's normal? My power, when I had it, was like a comforting friend, always in the back of my mind?"

"YOU HAVE POWERS!!!" Aisha exclaimed.

"Had," Dr. Weaver said distractedly, "It's complicated."

Lisa cut in, focusing on the more important part. "Also, it was kind of funny before but Power does seem legit scared of you? Very significantly he's not saying you are wrong, but he very definitely is scared of you? And who is Best Host? And the redacted person he keeps being terrified of? Who, I will note is distinct from but in the same weight class Fairy Queen, who he is also scared of?"

---

Note: Jaded!Taylor, honey, you don't know what normal is.

 

[dc2008]

"Stop helping, please," wearily responded Lisa, from her place with Aisha under the nice big heavy blanket. She laughed, without humor. "You're bad at this comforting thing."

Dr. Weaver sighed. "I'm sorry, it's just, that was something that other!Charlotte and other!you and other!Aisha was always better at."

"OTHER WHAT!" Aisha responded.

"… and now she's babbling."

"After Leviathan destroyed the Bay—"

"wat"

"—and we rescued Charlotte from the slavers—"

"Just stop."

"—she and Aisha and Sierra and Forrest were just better with all the orphans—"

"WAT"

"—and then after Alec died—"

"I'm in hell. This is hell."

"—Aisha killed his father and I'm actually unclear on all the details but she adopted all his brothers and sisters—"

"WHAT THE FUCK"

Best host is wise and magnanimous!

---

Note:

Lisa: STOP TALKING
T: Sigh, that's just the sort of thing older you would have said just, you know, with more facial scarring
Lisa: I WILL TASE YOU SO HELP ME GOD