The Practice War [Complete]
- Thread starter Snowfire
- Start date
- Original Sci-Fi
Snowfire
Polyglot of Chimera
- Location
- Wordcats
It's not exactly a panic attack, actually. More the two parts of Mary's existence, before and after the Sorrows, coming crashing together with terribly little in the way of control, brought on by existing in a space she'd accepted was gone. Cognitive dissonance on a vast scale, with a side order of major emotional baggage.
- Location
- Somewhere out there
She's short of breath, her thoughts are racing, her heart's racing, she feels a loss of control, she feels faint... The symptoms of a panic attack are all there.
- Location
- Somewhere.
[4] Mantlepiece
[5] Dining Table
[3] Mother's Easel
[1] Bookshelf
[2] Music Player
[5] Dining Table
[3] Mother's Easel
[1] Bookshelf
[2] Music Player
Snowfire
Polyglot of Chimera
- Location
- Wordcats
Eh...fair. I don't think we're quite in full panic attack territory, as this is still something that she'll be able to come out of (next post) but it's an apt comparison. Thanks for your comments on the matter both now and earlier, by the way. It helped when I was putting some of the last post together, and has influenced the way in which my own experience will apply to the next one. Speaking of which, vote tally time:
Vote Tally : Original - Sci-Fi - The Practice War | Page 360 | Sufficient Velocity [Posts: 8995-9005]
##### NetTally 1.9.9
[1] Dining Table
[2] Mantlepiece
[3] Music Player
[4] Mother's Easel
[5] Bookshelf
Total No. of Voters: 9
I'd kinda like more than ten votes, so I'll be leaving this open until tomorrow afternoon. I'm pretty sure that Dining Table is taking a commanding lead, but with Ranked votes there's always some ability to change that. As with previous examples, more than just the winning vote is going to matter here.
- Location
- Ekaterinburg, Russia
My feelings about Dining Table as one of the most important... Is that it's the one we can most readily address.
Dining Table is a place for the entire family, and though her mother and father are gone, the Dining Table may yet be filled - and Mandy and Iris are both there for her.
Others, however... Mantlepiece is as I understand the place of the photograph that was the tipping point.
And the three others I couldn't match to the things mentioned in the update.
Dining Table is a place for the entire family, and though her mother and father are gone, the Dining Table may yet be filled - and Mandy and Iris are both there for her.
Others, however... Mantlepiece is as I understand the place of the photograph that was the tipping point.
And the three others I couldn't match to the things mentioned in the update.
Garm352
Bearer of the Stars of Creation
- Location
- The Void Between Stars
- Pronouns
- He/Him
[1] Dining Table
[2] Mantlepiece
[3] Music Player
[4] Mother's Easel
[5] Bookshelf
I feel the same way. It's the most difficult thing as a writer for me to make my characters suffer. Sure, I can toss it into the background, but then I don't have to write it, see it, hear it, live it alongside them. Especially my protagonists...I see them as my own children in some cases. It sucks so much.
EDIT: That being said, you did an exceptional job capturing Mary's emotions and thoughts on this matter; truly, a beautiful addition to the story so far, and a very worthy effort on your part. I applaud this chapter in Mary's life in terms of literary quality, and emotional understanding.
[2] Mantlepiece
[3] Music Player
[4] Mother's Easel
[5] Bookshelf
I feel the same way. It's the most difficult thing as a writer for me to make my characters suffer. Sure, I can toss it into the background, but then I don't have to write it, see it, hear it, live it alongside them. Especially my protagonists...I see them as my own children in some cases. It sucks so much.
EDIT: That being said, you did an exceptional job capturing Mary's emotions and thoughts on this matter; truly, a beautiful addition to the story so far, and a very worthy effort on your part. I applaud this chapter in Mary's life in terms of literary quality, and emotional understanding.
Last edited:
[1] Mantlepiece
[2] Dining Table
[4] Mother's Easel
[5] Bookshelf
[3] Music Player
- Location
- Germany
- Pronouns
- He/Him
For Amanda, that's a way to better understand Mary - she knows the history, she knows some of her history (what Mary told her), and now she has a window into Mary's past. The environment - the dinner table, number of chairs and the other props mentioned - all serve to paint a picture. And that's required to understand what exactly is just happening with her friend.
VOTE
[2] Mantlepiece
[1] Dining Table
[4] Mother's Easel
[5] Bookshelf
[3] Music Player
Communal items. Foci of communal behavior.
The family eats around the dinner table. The mantlepiece holds family pictures. The family may play music on a central player.
The bookshelf and mother's easel are the most peripheral of the lot.
Anyway, quick question
That statement implies there are other ways to do so. How? Do we have any idea?
[2] Mantlepiece
[1] Dining Table
[4] Mother's Easel
[5] Bookshelf
[3] Music Player
Communal items. Foci of communal behavior.
The family eats around the dinner table. The mantlepiece holds family pictures. The family may play music on a central player.
The bookshelf and mother's easel are the most peripheral of the lot.
Anyway, quick question
We look into the Void via Practice.
That statement implies there are other ways to do so. How? Do we have any idea?
- Location
- Somewhere out there
I wish I could say I came to that knowledge from book reading, but both of those are direct personal experience... ._.
They're "Void Secrets". We discovered the First and Second Secrets without Practice. The Sixth was helped by Practice but we now use it without it.
- Location
- Staring into the void
Speaking from my own experience; panic attacks and anxiety attacks have very similar symptoms, but quite different emotions driving them. Due to the surrounding conditions I'd be more inclined to say it's anxiety rather than panic.
Edit: My condolences to you. I don't want to downplay your experiences. This ^ may be just semantics.
Edit2: What Is the Difference Between Panic and Anxiety Attacks?
This article would indicate that it's likely both?
Last edited:
- Location
- Somewhere out there
Snowfire
Polyglot of Chimera
- Location
- Wordcats
Vote Tally : Original - Sci-Fi - The Practice War | Page 360 | Sufficient Velocity [Posts: 8995-9011]
##### NetTally 1.9.9
[1] Dining Table
[2] Mantlepiece
[3] Music Player
[4] Mother's Easel
[5] Bookshelf
Total No. of Voters: 12
Meant to call this much earlier, was otherwise occupied.
Vote Closed.
I'll work on this tomorrow around New Years things, but generally our family doesn't do all that much for Hogmanay, so you might get a NY update! We'll see.
##### NetTally 1.9.9
[1] Dining Table
[2] Mantlepiece
[3] Music Player
[4] Mother's Easel
[5] Bookshelf
Total No. of Voters: 12
Meant to call this much earlier, was otherwise occupied.
Vote Closed.
I'll work on this tomorrow around New Years things, but generally our family doesn't do all that much for Hogmanay, so you might get a NY update! We'll see.
Snowfire
Polyglot of Chimera
- Location
- Wordcats
- Location
- Somewhere out there
I wish I had your weather here! It's -10C here now!
- Location
- Queensland, Australia
It's 31C here... and it's going to be hovering around there for the rest of the week... and probably summer.
Oh well, least it's not the high 30s like it was last summer! And thank god that the humidity never gets too dry or too wet here for long either, even in summer...
Oh well, least it's not the high 30s like it was last summer! And thank god that the humidity never gets too dry or too wet here for long either, even in summer...
Turn 16 - What Was Mine
Snowfire
Polyglot of Chimera
- Location
- Wordcats
February 16th, 2121
You'd known that Mary's reaction was going to be bad. You'd walked onto the flight with her knowing that, and thought yourself sufficiently prepared for it. You still believed that, but the conviction was shakier than it'd been a few minutes ago. Mary was still conscious, but her awareness of the world had begun imploding the moment she'd entered her home. It had been harder than you'd thought possible to not step in as she walked down the hall, to hold back from catching her trembling hand as it touched the admittance panel to the house's living area. But you'd promised to let her go as far as she could on her own, and you weren't going to break that.
Then her legs had failed her, and you'd moved. There hadn't been a single conscious thought in that reaction. She'd started to fall, and a moment later your hands had caught her, gently lowering her to the ground as you knelt on the room's shallow carpet. Mary didn't even notice. Her eyes were fixed on the picture on the mantlepiece, a picture that you didn't need historical records to know contained her mother and father, simply being those things to her. And therein lay the problem.
Your friend had never been able to properly resolve the loss of her family, for all that she'd learned to live with it. She'd changed, become someone new, but that had been a process of change that allowed her to move past the pain. But the pain itself remained, the same pain that had been so present after the Second Battle of Sol. Pain that not even you, a Mender among Menders, had been able to heal. For a long time, simply being able to control it through the person she now was had been enough. If the Mytikas Restoration had never occurred, it might have remained enough. But the Restoration had happened, and that left Mary in a horrific position.
There was the Mary you knew. Your closest friend, and the woman who'd earned the title that had been left behind for her. A Daughter of Secrets in truth, with a collected understanding of them greater than any human alive. A sister in all but blood, and shared parent to the first AI born into humanity as opposed to being created.
And then there was the Mary. A young girl, brilliant and precocious, but also utterly innocent in the face of the horrors of the Sorrows. The smiling child in the picture on the mantlepiece, for whom this room had been the heart of her corporeal existence. And who'd had every single piece of that life torn away, leaving so little behind.
Two very different people, with very different lifetimes. But they shared more than names. This place belonged to both of them, but what it meant to each of them was beyond simply different. To one, it was home, and all that accompanied that. To the other, pain beyond comprehension. A faded, cold echo of the warmth that it had held before the Sorrows. How does one unify those images?
It starts with finding something, somewhere, that evokes the same emotion from both parts of a fractured mind. So that's what you did. You held her as you searched for that elusive thing, offering physical support as a stopgap. Your gaze raked across a tall bookshelf in the corner, full to bursting, but you didn't recognise any of the titles. If you'd had more time to look, but you didn't. An easel, with a picture still on it if you weren't mistaken. Mary had told you once that her mother had been an artist. Who knew what was on the other side of the stand, though. It could heal, or it could harm. You couldn't take a risk like that, not with her so terribly out of balance.
A music player, its keys faded from years of constant use. What songs had they sung, and listened to together? But again, a gamble. No. Not with a mind so close to breaking. You chastised yourself as your senses flicked on, everything was a risk here, but now wasn't the time for layering chance on top of chance. The mantlepiece itself, scattered with pictures like the one that had sent Mary falling into this deadly spiral. Maybe there was one there that would give her hope, give her happiness, but how could you tell which one it would be? You'd never known her as a child. Only after the Sorrows, when there was almost no child left.
That left…your gaze stopped on the dining table. It was old, you could tell. A product of craftsmanship older than the city that held it. How much it must have cost to transfer it from Earth to Mytikas, you could only guess. Light reflected from the mirror sheen of hardwood and varnish, but you dug deeper than just what it looked like. What did it mean? A central table meant family, and there was a very good reason for that to bring your friend pain. Yet that wasn't everything she felt at a table like that. With you and your siblings, and then Iris too, she'd found a joy that couldn't be faked. Not a replacement for what she'd lost, but a new happiness. That's what you needed.
"Mary," you breathed her name out above her hair, and she shook in your arms around the sobs. It was a reaction, however, and that was all you needed. For her to listen and, you hoped, understand. She was still in there, you just had to find her. Not so simple, but not impossible either.
"Mary, I know you're in there." Your voice shook, the tangible pain of your friend cutting at its edges, but you refused to bow to it. "You feel like you're lost, I know. Like the world you built is falling to pieces, and what you need to put it back together is hiding just out of reach." She shook again. "Will you let me help you find it?"
For a moment, there was nothing. You worried then, but this was her fight. If you told her what you'd seen, it wouldn't help. Then she jerked her head forward, once and twice. That was all you needed. One of your hands rose, gently wiping away the tears. They didn't stop flowing, but you'd cleared her vision enough, at least. This wasn't just pain from being here, you'd realised. It was pain from the similarity, too.
"Mary, Dearheart, I can't imagine what you lost here. But I know you didn't lose everything." She coughed out another sob, almost like a laugh. 'How did you know', she was asking, without saying a word. "I know that, because you told me so. And I believed you when you did. You know me, Mary. Would you be able to lie about something like that?"
"N…" she broke off, but the single broken syllable lifted your heart. "No." She murmured, shaking her head. Another question rose, unspoken. How you could tell was beyond you.
"What do you have?" You gave it voice for her. "Think about that question, love. I can't answer it for you." A gentle squeeze of your hand, catching her own. "If it helps, tell me."
"I," she stumbled over the word, trying to string more of them to it. "I have…you?" The fearful way she asked almost shattered your heart.
"Yes, you do." You smiled through the sudden sting of tears. "What else?"
"…Iris?" The question was less frightened, and you simply nodded. "Y..your siblings." A pause as you nodded again, your chin brushing against her hair. She wasn't shaking so much. There was another word, dancing at the edge of her lips, but you wouldn't say it for her. The silence lengthened, and the sound of her tears faded to silence. They fell slower, but they still fell, as she grasped for the words that would show her a way through the pain. She couldn't escape it, not anymore.
"A family." It wasn't a question. "I have a family." The words weren't new, but there was something in them. A change in the way they were said, the conviction behind it. "That doesn't take anything away from what I lost, or make it better. But the Sorrows won't define me," there was fire in that statement, and she looked up sharply from where her head had fallen towards her chest.
"This was a place for my family." She said softly, squirming around in your hold to look up at you. Her eyes were still leaking, but it had almost passed. The line of her mouth was firm, and her eyes very clear behind the tears. "I want it to be one again. I want to see you and Iris around that table with me. I…" she shook her head, unaware of the warmth that had spread through you. "I want this place to be mine again, Mandy."
"Then it will be." You kissed her forehead. "I promise."
You have a few votes now, for present and future. Given that Mars is now a short commute from Earth given the capabilities of merely 'government' drives, some possibilities are open to you. These won't take full effect this year, but some of them may influence the setting of later posts. Mechanically, no effects.
House and Homes: Mary has told you in no uncertain terms that she wants to…reclaim her restored childhood home in Mytikas. She wants, in some ways needs, it to be hers again, and she needs you and Iris to help her do that. The question is how to go about it.
[] Vacation Visits: In truth, it might not be the best idea to simply drop everything you have back home and transfer it all to a city that is still being certified by the Home Office as secure. Give Mary what she needs, but keep Earth as your permanent residence. It's been that for far longer.
[] Split the Difference: This is important to your friend, more than a great many things ever have been. You owe her more than just a visit here and there. It might be difficult, but you can dedicate more time in future. The commute from Earth to Mars isn't long, and as a government official you still have access to their flights. Of course, you can make that flight in a third of the time on your own, but that's nitpicking. Still, it will complicate things.
[] Making a Home: The Residence has been your home for two decades, and it will always be yours. This, however, is too important to leave to chance and hope. Pack up what you need, and move completely to Mytikas. This would have been nigh impossible two years ago, with Iris constrained to a holographic avatar. Her new body, however, makes it quite feasible. And once the Mytikas network has been fully investigated, she'll have a vast new digital playground.
Arcadia: The resolution on Mary's part to reclaim her heritage rather than try to run from it, or reject it, has other consequences too. Adriana mentioned the possibility of shifting Arcadia to the Olympus Colleges late last year, but it was an offer, nothing more. You know she's willing to make the same offer to Mary, but only if your friend goes looking for it. The choice will be hers, but it's up to you if she gets the chance to make it.
[] Tell her
[] Don't tell her
You'd known that Mary's reaction was going to be bad. You'd walked onto the flight with her knowing that, and thought yourself sufficiently prepared for it. You still believed that, but the conviction was shakier than it'd been a few minutes ago. Mary was still conscious, but her awareness of the world had begun imploding the moment she'd entered her home. It had been harder than you'd thought possible to not step in as she walked down the hall, to hold back from catching her trembling hand as it touched the admittance panel to the house's living area. But you'd promised to let her go as far as she could on her own, and you weren't going to break that.
Then her legs had failed her, and you'd moved. There hadn't been a single conscious thought in that reaction. She'd started to fall, and a moment later your hands had caught her, gently lowering her to the ground as you knelt on the room's shallow carpet. Mary didn't even notice. Her eyes were fixed on the picture on the mantlepiece, a picture that you didn't need historical records to know contained her mother and father, simply being those things to her. And therein lay the problem.
Your friend had never been able to properly resolve the loss of her family, for all that she'd learned to live with it. She'd changed, become someone new, but that had been a process of change that allowed her to move past the pain. But the pain itself remained, the same pain that had been so present after the Second Battle of Sol. Pain that not even you, a Mender among Menders, had been able to heal. For a long time, simply being able to control it through the person she now was had been enough. If the Mytikas Restoration had never occurred, it might have remained enough. But the Restoration had happened, and that left Mary in a horrific position.
There was the Mary you knew. Your closest friend, and the woman who'd earned the title that had been left behind for her. A Daughter of Secrets in truth, with a collected understanding of them greater than any human alive. A sister in all but blood, and shared parent to the first AI born into humanity as opposed to being created.
And then there was the Mary. A young girl, brilliant and precocious, but also utterly innocent in the face of the horrors of the Sorrows. The smiling child in the picture on the mantlepiece, for whom this room had been the heart of her corporeal existence. And who'd had every single piece of that life torn away, leaving so little behind.
Two very different people, with very different lifetimes. But they shared more than names. This place belonged to both of them, but what it meant to each of them was beyond simply different. To one, it was home, and all that accompanied that. To the other, pain beyond comprehension. A faded, cold echo of the warmth that it had held before the Sorrows. How does one unify those images?
It starts with finding something, somewhere, that evokes the same emotion from both parts of a fractured mind. So that's what you did. You held her as you searched for that elusive thing, offering physical support as a stopgap. Your gaze raked across a tall bookshelf in the corner, full to bursting, but you didn't recognise any of the titles. If you'd had more time to look, but you didn't. An easel, with a picture still on it if you weren't mistaken. Mary had told you once that her mother had been an artist. Who knew what was on the other side of the stand, though. It could heal, or it could harm. You couldn't take a risk like that, not with her so terribly out of balance.
A music player, its keys faded from years of constant use. What songs had they sung, and listened to together? But again, a gamble. No. Not with a mind so close to breaking. You chastised yourself as your senses flicked on, everything was a risk here, but now wasn't the time for layering chance on top of chance. The mantlepiece itself, scattered with pictures like the one that had sent Mary falling into this deadly spiral. Maybe there was one there that would give her hope, give her happiness, but how could you tell which one it would be? You'd never known her as a child. Only after the Sorrows, when there was almost no child left.
That left…your gaze stopped on the dining table. It was old, you could tell. A product of craftsmanship older than the city that held it. How much it must have cost to transfer it from Earth to Mytikas, you could only guess. Light reflected from the mirror sheen of hardwood and varnish, but you dug deeper than just what it looked like. What did it mean? A central table meant family, and there was a very good reason for that to bring your friend pain. Yet that wasn't everything she felt at a table like that. With you and your siblings, and then Iris too, she'd found a joy that couldn't be faked. Not a replacement for what she'd lost, but a new happiness. That's what you needed.
"Mary," you breathed her name out above her hair, and she shook in your arms around the sobs. It was a reaction, however, and that was all you needed. For her to listen and, you hoped, understand. She was still in there, you just had to find her. Not so simple, but not impossible either.
"Mary, I know you're in there." Your voice shook, the tangible pain of your friend cutting at its edges, but you refused to bow to it. "You feel like you're lost, I know. Like the world you built is falling to pieces, and what you need to put it back together is hiding just out of reach." She shook again. "Will you let me help you find it?"
For a moment, there was nothing. You worried then, but this was her fight. If you told her what you'd seen, it wouldn't help. Then she jerked her head forward, once and twice. That was all you needed. One of your hands rose, gently wiping away the tears. They didn't stop flowing, but you'd cleared her vision enough, at least. This wasn't just pain from being here, you'd realised. It was pain from the similarity, too.
"Mary, Dearheart, I can't imagine what you lost here. But I know you didn't lose everything." She coughed out another sob, almost like a laugh. 'How did you know', she was asking, without saying a word. "I know that, because you told me so. And I believed you when you did. You know me, Mary. Would you be able to lie about something like that?"
"N…" she broke off, but the single broken syllable lifted your heart. "No." She murmured, shaking her head. Another question rose, unspoken. How you could tell was beyond you.
"What do you have?" You gave it voice for her. "Think about that question, love. I can't answer it for you." A gentle squeeze of your hand, catching her own. "If it helps, tell me."
"I," she stumbled over the word, trying to string more of them to it. "I have…you?" The fearful way she asked almost shattered your heart.
"Yes, you do." You smiled through the sudden sting of tears. "What else?"
"…Iris?" The question was less frightened, and you simply nodded. "Y..your siblings." A pause as you nodded again, your chin brushing against her hair. She wasn't shaking so much. There was another word, dancing at the edge of her lips, but you wouldn't say it for her. The silence lengthened, and the sound of her tears faded to silence. They fell slower, but they still fell, as she grasped for the words that would show her a way through the pain. She couldn't escape it, not anymore.
"A family." It wasn't a question. "I have a family." The words weren't new, but there was something in them. A change in the way they were said, the conviction behind it. "That doesn't take anything away from what I lost, or make it better. But the Sorrows won't define me," there was fire in that statement, and she looked up sharply from where her head had fallen towards her chest.
"This was a place for my family." She said softly, squirming around in your hold to look up at you. Her eyes were still leaking, but it had almost passed. The line of her mouth was firm, and her eyes very clear behind the tears. "I want it to be one again. I want to see you and Iris around that table with me. I…" she shook her head, unaware of the warmth that had spread through you. "I want this place to be mine again, Mandy."
"Then it will be." You kissed her forehead. "I promise."
You have a few votes now, for present and future. Given that Mars is now a short commute from Earth given the capabilities of merely 'government' drives, some possibilities are open to you. These won't take full effect this year, but some of them may influence the setting of later posts. Mechanically, no effects.
House and Homes: Mary has told you in no uncertain terms that she wants to…reclaim her restored childhood home in Mytikas. She wants, in some ways needs, it to be hers again, and she needs you and Iris to help her do that. The question is how to go about it.
[] Vacation Visits: In truth, it might not be the best idea to simply drop everything you have back home and transfer it all to a city that is still being certified by the Home Office as secure. Give Mary what she needs, but keep Earth as your permanent residence. It's been that for far longer.
[] Split the Difference: This is important to your friend, more than a great many things ever have been. You owe her more than just a visit here and there. It might be difficult, but you can dedicate more time in future. The commute from Earth to Mars isn't long, and as a government official you still have access to their flights. Of course, you can make that flight in a third of the time on your own, but that's nitpicking. Still, it will complicate things.
[] Making a Home: The Residence has been your home for two decades, and it will always be yours. This, however, is too important to leave to chance and hope. Pack up what you need, and move completely to Mytikas. This would have been nigh impossible two years ago, with Iris constrained to a holographic avatar. Her new body, however, makes it quite feasible. And once the Mytikas network has been fully investigated, she'll have a vast new digital playground.
Arcadia: The resolution on Mary's part to reclaim her heritage rather than try to run from it, or reject it, has other consequences too. Adriana mentioned the possibility of shifting Arcadia to the Olympus Colleges late last year, but it was an offer, nothing more. You know she's willing to make the same offer to Mary, but only if your friend goes looking for it. The choice will be hers, but it's up to you if she gets the chance to make it.
[] Tell her
[] Don't tell her
Snowfire
Polyglot of Chimera
- Location
- Wordcats
I considered not make the second one a vote, but in the end it's something I think you should have the ability to decide. Especially after I kinda cock-blocked you on your social, due to Mandy stomping over any attempt of mine to actually write a vote instead of using the words she'd already had waiting. So there you go.
This is the last update for this action, and it's the longest action chain from the actions you picked (overall document still at 5.5k words, why) and the next (probably) pair of updates will be for Valkyries/Unison Training. I hope this is a fitting resolution to this affair, and to be clear it doesn't mean that Mary's is better. It just means that she's found a new way to deal with her past baggage, one that's ultimately going to be a lot a healthier for her. It'll just take time. I go back to work in a few days, but until then I'm still free, so I may be able to get another update out in that time. We'll see.
Thanks to @Jeboboid for betaing, any remaining errors are on me.
This is the last update for this action, and it's the longest action chain from the actions you picked (overall document still at 5.5k words, why) and the next (probably) pair of updates will be for Valkyries/Unison Training. I hope this is a fitting resolution to this affair, and to be clear it doesn't mean that Mary's is better. It just means that she's found a new way to deal with her past baggage, one that's ultimately going to be a lot a healthier for her. It'll just take time. I go back to work in a few days, but until then I'm still free, so I may be able to get another update out in that time. We'll see.
Thanks to @Jeboboid for betaing, any remaining errors are on me.