"Yes." you said, without hesitation. You'd never said it before to her, the two of you dancing around it, but you had for a long time. "I... like, wow, yes, I..."
She nodded against your leg, and you stopped your before you could babble.
"You mean it?" she whispered.
"Yes." you repeated. "I really do."
She chuckled, a little pained, and rolled over to look up at you, reaching a hand up to take yours. You dropped the phone and the back of the seat, noting the call blipping out as Athena gave you this private moment.
"I think..." she started, paused, sniffed, "I think I... I love you. Or... I thought... I love the person I know. I just don't know if that person is real."
"May..." you started, wanting to defend yourself. Wanting to say that the person she knew
was real, even if there was more going on. But it felt... wrong. Unfair. Manipulative, maybe. You'd listened in on one too many arguments to
not know the sort of thing people said to defend themselves, the lies they told. "... I understand. I'm sorry."
"Hold my hand." she muttered, reaching up, and your fingers met hers, gripped, intertwined, and she closed her eyes, letting out a long breath. Minutes ticked by slowly, just sitting with one another in the space, in the discomfort. You thought maybe that May was stuck, caught between her uncertainty with you and her unwillingness to abandon the physical comfort you were providing. So you just sat, awkwardly, waiting.
"Liv..." she said finally, her voice quiet, soft. "I don't want this to be it. I don't. But... this hurts. It... it's not like you did anything wrong... like, I'm not
stupid, I know how the secret identity thing works. Just..."
"It still sucks." you muttered, and she nodded, the cute little nod she did, rapid little tilts of her head.
"Yeah. It does." she said. "And it's like... I don't think... it's bad. That you're Arachne. I think... I think that's really cool, and brave, a-and... it's just not who I thought you were."
"Yeah." you agreed.
"Cant you still be her instead?" she asked, pleaded, almost. "Please?"
"... I mean, I can't make the powers go away, and Athena is still a person, but I can-"
"No. Nevermind, that's stupid. I wouldn't want that." May said, sighing. "... can I get to know you again instead? Can we stay together?"
It seemed strange for her to be asking that. You didn't really understand, but you nodded along.
"Of course." you said. "Of course we can."
"Okay." she said, sighed, squeezed your hand. "
Okay. I think... we're starting over, this weekend."
"Alright." you replied numbly, not sure what that meant, exactly. You didn't know if she knew either.
---
After a few more minutes, May asked you to get the car going again, and the two of you continued to the con. You didn't watch anymore Lensmen on the trip, but instead you just went through the whole story of how you got where you were,
everything, while she sat close, if nothing quite touching, listening intently. You told her about Norman, about creating Athena, about the fight in the basement of the CIA building. About the Stark robots, about Loki, about meeting Steve Rogers. The fact you'd been crushing on her before you'd gotten your powers, before you'd
transitioned. You told her things you hadn't even told your therapist.
The whole time, she just listened, silently, at most encouraging you to keep talking. Even after the car pulled into parking at the convention centre, you stayed and talked an hour more, detailing how your powers worked as best you could tell, what devices you'd created, how you stayed safe on patrol. She asked to talk to Athena again after a while, and put the phone on speakerphone and just talked.
You were worried the part where you explained how Athena and you could switch places would be the final straw, it was probably the single thing you were
most nervous about, but she actually took that one in stride. She followed a musician or something who was openly part of a plural system, and the moment Athena brought up the comparison she nodded in understanding. That was..
Well, at least she didn't think you were crazy.
Finally, she leaned away, her hand finding the latch of the door, and she rubbed her eyes with a yawn.
"We should get our badges before it gets too late. It sucks doing it in the morning." she said, and then she broke into a smile. "This was a bit more of an exciting ride than I was expecting."
"
It gets like that." Athena said, sounding rather resigned to it.
"... uh, wait, real quick... are you
the Athena from twitter?" May asked, and a very, almost
surprisingly human laugh came out the phone.
"
The one and only. The AI stuff is not, in fact, a joke." Athena said, "
Though it is objectively funny. I also run Arachne's blog."
"Cool! Um... we gotta go, but I guess... you can see stuff through the phone, right?"
"
I am always watching, plunging Liv's life into an Orwellian nightmare, yes." Athena said.
"Well... then congrats, we're sneaking you into the con without a pass." May said, and she unlatched the door. You grabbed your stuff out the trunk, slinging your bags over your shoulder and helping pull May's free, and as the two of you started towards the elevator you put your earbud back in, finally.
"
Well, Liv, as tactics to avoid sex goes, nearly completely torpedoing your own relationship is certainly a thorough one." Athena's voice whispered. "
You okay? Do you need anything?"
"I think I'm going to need to go cry for an hour after this." you whispered, as May began jamming on the elevator call button. You'd spent the whole ride in a sort of emotional numbness, terrified of expressing any kind of feelings or preferences lest it come off (or be) manipulative. You felt cored out inside.
"
That's a good idea. This has been emotionally trying for both of you, but you've done a good job handling things, all things considered. I think she's kind of... recoiling right now, and trying to cling to something normal and safe. And to you. I don't want to scare you, but she might change her mind later."
The elevator dinged and opened, and you strode toward it after May.
"I know." you said quietly.
---
You checked in to your room at the connected hotel, not even going up to see it yet, stood in line for about twenty minutes to get your badges, took a brief look at the various viewing rooms, and then May asked if she could have some space at one of them. You retreated back to the hotel with both your stuff (a feat, given you didn't exactly have a lot of hands to work with), up to the room, and opened the door to find a neat little suite with a single large bed and a chair that, fortunately, looked comfy enough to sleep on. You set everything down, collapsed into the chair, and just let out a sort of defeated groan.
"That
sucked."
You didn't cry like you were expecting. Instead you just sort of collapsed back into the chair, turned on the TV to nothing in particular, and faded out, still in your clothes. You never even noticed May come in.
---
First day of the convention! May knows what she wants to do and you're more or less along for the ride, but what you can do is focus on May. What do you do?
[ ] You try to be as you try to find every place you can to go the extra mile and show you care. Wait in lines for her, volunteer to carry stuff, whatever she needs. Maximum apology mode.
[ ] You try to act like things are normal, like a normal outing with the two of you. Try to give her a sense of stability and normalcy. You're still the Liv she remembers.
[ ] Give her a little space. Treat it like an outing with a friend, not a date. Show you can be there for her and be cool even without the implied reciprocity of a relationship. Maybe she'll feel safer.
Oh, and maybe there might be one or two places where you could subtly use your powers to make your day easier. Getting elevators when your hands are full, helping the artist struggling with the credit card reader on her phone, that sort of thing. You'd offer first, of course...
[ ] No, best not to even bring it up.
[ ] Maybe it'll help her become more comfortable with it?
