5007
Y U n0 1337-5p33k?
- Location
- Arid Zone A
And in the handful of sentences before it, too.
Taylor is DOOMed
- Thread starter mp3.1415player
- Start date
- Crossover
Cordelia is pragmatic, as expected. What was not expected was that Kendra would be as well. And how the heck did the mercenaries miss all those DEMONS!?! They're everywhere!
FaerieKnight79
Verified Pixie
- Location
- The Internet
Because the demons didn't approach the school he was keeping watching. Duh.
Lycanthromancer
The Arcane Fuzz
- Location
- USA
You might even say, they're going straight to Hell.
- Location
- USA
They looked neither up, nor behind them.
I imagine the flying one would be visible for quite a distance. And there is absolutely at least one demon sitting right behind the observers.
- Location
- Somewhere in the Ashes
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Yes. Cleveland is absolutely evil, a den of scum and villainy that makes even Philadelphia look like a pristine marble city on a great hill. (I'm from Pittsburgh, in case you were wondering.)
MaimakteriAnn
(Verified Sleepy)
- Location
- Enormous And Round Terran Homeworld
- Pronouns
- She/Her/Dr
So with Taylor having wandered and picked up retinue in many worlds on her way, I kinda want Ridley to show up, serving HER will.
or Mecha-Ridley...
We do not look around.
We do not look inside.
We do not go to sleep.
Ours is not a smiling god.
Last edited:
- Location
- Germany
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Taylor is an accelerated 'survival of the fittest' training course ...
Neruz
Rogue Spiderbanana
- Location
- The Land of Fire and Poison
Fun fact about Pinkies; they are implied to be the Hellspawn equivalent of livestock. And not the special high-maintenance kind of livestock like cows, no, Pinkies are basically Hellspawn chickens; the kind of livestock that is just left to run around everywhere and do whatever. This suits the Hellspawn, as if they feel like a snack they can just grab a nearby Pinky and chow down.
Pinkies are so ubiquitous and overlooked that other Hellspawn don't even have a name for them, they're just 'those tasty critters that are always wandering around'.
(Incidentally, yes, Hellbirbs\Helldragons are canon, they're not something mp3 pulled out of his ass, they make their appearance in the background of the multiplayer map Cataclysm in Doom 2016, they also appear on a piece of concept art that was printed onto Slayers Club envelopes for Doom Eternal, and can now also be found on the Slayers Club media page as a wallpaper:
Taylor's minions are really enjoying the new Dark Lord, none of this making deals with angels and toiling endlessly in Soul Spires to extract every last drop of Argent Energy\The Essence from sin-branded souls only to tithe half of it to said angels for no reason. Nope, instead they get to travel to all sorts of interesting new places, meet all sorts of interesting new people, and kill them!
The Essence will sort itself out; it always did before the Maykr decided they needed ridiculous amounts of it to keep themselves alive forever.
What more could a Hellspawn want from eternal damnation?
A city built over an active Hellmouth is bad, but Sunnydale ain't got shit on Cleveland.
DOOM will happen. Vigorously and repeatedly, across a wide array of targets.
(Targets may not be aware that they are categorized as targets, fortunately they will learn soon enough.)
In context of Doom, The Old Ones would be those who decided to mimic Hellish methodology, while The Powers That Be chose to mimic Maykr methodology instead. And in the context of Buffy and Doom, both Old Ones and Powers That Be are assholes.
The Powers That Be get a minor pass in the Buffyverse for being the least worst option, but with the Doom Queen on the playing field that is no longer the case.
And while Taylor hasn't yet razed a Heaven, the Doom Slayer has a history with Heaven, so The Powers That Be, whether they realize Taylor isn't the Slayer or not, are probably having quite the panic attack around about now.
Seriously, the number of times I've gone around a corner or just looked behind me and OHFUCKDEMONRIGHTTHEREABOUTTOBITEMYFACEOFFAAAGH! is ridiculous. Giant Hellspawn should not be that stealthy, but somehow, somehow they fucking are.
In like 5 minutes Overwatch One is going to notice that some odd white and brown sand-grains are falling on him, and then he'll turn around and find That One Baron standing over him and grinning like a loon with a pair of salt and pepper shakers.
Pinkies are so ubiquitous and overlooked that other Hellspawn don't even have a name for them, they're just 'those tasty critters that are always wandering around'.
Goddamn fucking ninja Barons!
Oh hey it's one of those background scenery Hellbirbs\Helldragons that Taylor spent like a dozen respawns figuring out how to kill, because she wasn't supposed to kill those; they're intended to be background\environmental hazards, not enemies. They don't even have health bars! (Taylor killed them anyway.)
(Incidentally, yes, Hellbirbs\Helldragons are canon, they're not something mp3 pulled out of his ass, they make their appearance in the background of the multiplayer map Cataclysm in Doom 2016, they also appear on a piece of concept art that was printed onto Slayers Club envelopes for Doom Eternal, and can now also be found on the Slayers Club media page as a wallpaper:
Overwatch One hopes that snicker was Observer Two, and not the Prowler that is hanging off the side of the chimney above him, or the line of Imps comically tiptoeing along behind him, along with That One Baron who is having to stifle hellish giggles to avoid ruining the fun.
Taylor's minions are really enjoying the new Dark Lord, none of this making deals with angels and toiling endlessly in Soul Spires to extract every last drop of Argent Energy\The Essence from sin-branded souls only to tithe half of it to said angels for no reason. Nope, instead they get to travel to all sorts of interesting new places, meet all sorts of interesting new people, and kill them!
The Essence will sort itself out; it always did before the Maykr decided they needed ridiculous amounts of it to keep themselves alive forever.
What more could a Hellspawn want from eternal damnation?
Oh come on Willow, I think we all know that there is a very apparent reason: Right after a new and terrifying group of demons demonstrating an unheard-of level of organization, discipline and sneakiness show up and start gleefully hunting every creature that ever looked funny at a human, suddenly known evil hotspots start getting exploded, or set on fire, or just generally obliterated, and you don't think that maybe there might be a connection there?
Oh good, Willow isn't that stupid. I would be disappointed if the scoobies hadn't put two and two together and come up with Hellspawn.
Extremely.
A city built over an active Hellmouth is bad, but Sunnydale ain't got shit on Cleveland.
DOOM
DOOM will happen. Vigorously and repeatedly, across a wide array of targets.
(Targets may not be aware that they are categorized as targets, fortunately they will learn soon enough.)
The Powers That Be are literally the same people as the Old Ones, the two groups just split over ideological differences; the Old Ones were of the opinion that ruling through force and overt malice was the best way to do things, The Powers That Be felt that sneakiness, double-dealing and manipulation were the superior methodology. It is not without good reason that The Powers That Be are colloquially referred to as 'The Powers that Screw You' and 'The Powers that Sit on Their Be-hinds'.
In context of Doom, The Old Ones would be those who decided to mimic Hellish methodology, while The Powers That Be chose to mimic Maykr methodology instead. And in the context of Buffy and Doom, both Old Ones and Powers That Be are assholes.
The Powers That Be get a minor pass in the Buffyverse for being the least worst option, but with the Doom Queen on the playing field that is no longer the case.
And while Taylor hasn't yet razed a Heaven, the Doom Slayer has a history with Heaven, so The Powers That Be, whether they realize Taylor isn't the Slayer or not, are probably having quite the panic attack around about now.
If you had played Doom 2016\Eternal, then you would know that despite all common sense and reason the demons are alarmingly capable of sneaking up on you despite being gigantic, spike-covered, flame-wreathed, rage-monsters comprised primarily of claws, teeth and hatred.
Seriously, the number of times I've gone around a corner or just looked behind me and OHFUCKDEMONRIGHTTHEREABOUTTOBITEMYFACEOFFAAAGH! is ridiculous. Giant Hellspawn should not be that stealthy, but somehow, somehow they fucking are.
Probably an entire conga-line, overseen by That One Baron. The Doom Queen is not okay with the random slaughter of mortals, but she has absolutely no problems about fucking with mortals for teh lulz: That is fine.
In like 5 minutes Overwatch One is going to notice that some odd white and brown sand-grains are falling on him, and then he'll turn around and find That One Baron standing over him and grinning like a loon with a pair of salt and pepper shakers.
'The fittest' in this case meaning 'the ones smart enough to say 'nope' and go somewhere else.'
Last edited:
9. Guest Omake2 - A Friendly Chat
Neruz
Rogue Spiderbanana
- Location
- The Land of Fire and Poison
"You'd think elite black operatives who have been specially trained to kill Vamps by the Watcher Council would be better at killing Vamps."
"THEY ARE BUT FRAGILE MORTALS. EVEN SO, THIS IS RATHER SAD."
"I mean, look, that one actually got grabbed by a fledgling: Vamp couldn't be more than a decade old and slow as shit, but nope. Mister elite special ops was too busy looking the wrong way to notice."
"THEIR LACK OF ENVIRONMENTAL AWARENESS HAS BEEN NOTED. NOT UNDERSTOOD, BUT NOTED."
"I know right? Did the Watcher Council just not train them to ever look up or something? Your buddy over there was literally hanging over that one guy's head and giggling to himself for an hour, no-one noticed!"
"HE IS A GOOD SNEAKY BOI."
"Coming from you, that is a terrifying thought."
"MORTALS ARE BAD AT NOTICING THINGS. THIS TOO HAS BEEN NOT UNDERSTOOD, BUT NOTED."
"Man, I'm one of those mortals and I don't understand it either. You're literally a nine-foot tall classical 'goat demon' Devil expy, and yet..."
"IT IS AN ENDLESS SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT. OH! LOOK. ONE OF THE INCOMPETENTS HAS FAILED AT KNIFING AND BEEN BITTEN. I DO NOT KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CRY."
"Wow. He actually tried to go to melee with a Vamp. Did he get huff too much gunpowder smoke and think he was a Slayer or something?"
*SNORT* "SLAYER. HAH. YOU DO NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF THAT NAME."
"Well that implies some extremely terrifying things that I don't want to think about, so instead lets laugh at the 'elite' idiots who are completely failing to defeat half a dozen Vamps despite having them outnumbered and outgunned."
"HE HE HE. THAT ONE ON THE LEFT JUST TRIPPED OVER HIS OWN FEET."
"I have nothing."
"NOTHING IS REQUIRED. IT IS FUNNY ALL BY ITSELF."
"You know, I'm pretty sure the Watcher's Council expected these guys to be their ace in the hole against your guys."
"THIS IS ALSO KNOWN. AND HILARIOUS: HALF OF OUR IMPS REMAIN OUT OF ACTION DUE TO INJURIES SUSTAINED FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD."
"Hellspawn can hurt themselves by laughing too hard?"
"IT WAS NEWS TO US TOO."
Last edited:
- Location
- Somewhere, Maybe
I swear, are you TRYING to become the new Datcord?! Because I almost fell off my chair laughing at this!
FaerieKnight79
Verified Pixie
- Location
- The Internet
What. The. Fork.
My gut now hurts from a deep belly laugh of an unhealthy duration.
My head hurts because I laughed so hard the chair tipped over backwards and I hit my head on the kitchen floor.
And you made me do a spit take before I even filled the glass with water, let alone took a drink.
You need to warn people before posting something that dangerously funny.
You rule @Neruz! That was awesome.
My guess is that Xander got caught out trying to see what was going on in more detail when that Baron sidled up beside him to scare him. Xander WAS scared, but decided to just go with the situation that hadn't been too dangerous so far and started chatting. Then he noticed the Watcher forces he was scoping out get ambushed by some Vamps.
I can see it happening. And being hilarious, just as posted! Since this is likely to be a following night, I wonder if Kendra is with Sam off to the side, with both of their jaws dropped watching Xander chat with the Baron?
My guess is that Xander got caught out trying to see what was going on in more detail when that Baron sidled up beside him to scare him. Xander WAS scared, but decided to just go with the situation that hadn't been too dangerous so far and started chatting. Then he noticed the Watcher forces he was scoping out get ambushed by some Vamps.
I can see it happening. And being hilarious, just as posted! Since this is likely to be a following night, I wonder if Kendra is with Sam off to the side, with both of their jaws dropped watching Xander chat with the Baron?
Neruz
Rogue Spiderbanana
- Location
- The Land of Fire and Poison
You can't really tell from the text, but Xander is shitting himself in terror the whole time and his mouth is just running on autopilot.You rule @Neruz! That was awesome.
My guess is that Xander got caught out trying to see what was going on in more detail when that Baron sidled up beside him to scare him. Xander WAS scared, but decided to just go with the situation that hadn't been too dangerous so far and started chatting. Then he noticed the Watcher forces he was scoping out get ambushed by some Vamps.
I can see it happening. And being hilarious, just as posted! Since this is likely to be a following night, I wonder if Kendra is with Sam off to the side, with both of their jaws dropped watching Xander chat with the Baron?
The Baron is aware of this, and considers it to be approximately as amusing as the Council strike team's incompetence. He has equipped a Spectre with a video camera to record Xander's reaction after he leaves, having placed a bet on Xander just straight up dropping unconscious after the adrenaline wears off.
- Location
- Germany
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Well, when would they have had time to train/experiment?
Are they sneaky or are you too busy enjoying Mick Gordon's ost to notice them?
FaerieKnight79
Verified Pixie
- Location
- The Internet
Are they sneaky or are you too busy enjoying Mick Gordon's ost to notice them?
They really can be quite stealthy. I mean, here you are happily searching for secrets, or maybe a keycard you missed and realized you need to progress. And then without warning BAM! Baron of Hell right in your face and you had no idea it was there until you turned the corner. And you're wondering how the hell it had kept you from knowing it's there since the damn thing is constantly roaring.
- Location
- Pale Blue Dot
"Their 'Hell' is empty now, but it was a nice workout!"
No, their neighbors will notice soon enough. Most likely, the targets will go straight from 'oblivious' to 'nonexistent'.
FaerieKnight79
Verified Pixie
- Location
- The Internet
Taylor's not that subtle. The targets will know she's coming, there's just not much they can realistically do about it since she has regenerating armor now. And unlike the demons of Hell, they don't have any weapons capable of getting past that armor. Not that the ability to get through the armor helped the demons of Hell in her final run through both the UAC and Hell it's self.
Out of curiosity, how many health stims does Taylor have left? I mean, it's not like she has the ability to make more. Or The Doom Slayer's ability to regenerate health by killing demons in brutal ways. That was given to him by the Divinity Machine after all.
Neruz
Rogue Spiderbanana
- Location
- The Land of Fire and Poison
No, that was given to him by the Wretch when his suit was upgraded with Argent Accumulators; which Taylor's suit also has, as the tech was originally developed by the Doom 2016 UAC. (Which raises some interesting questions about the identity of the Wretch.)
The Divinity Machine just beefed the Doom Slayer up enough to be able to face-tank Cyberdemon\Tyrant rockets and survive the experience, as well as making him strong enough to literally tear apart Hellspawn with his bare hands.
It's also implied that the Divinity Machine is behind the Doom Slayer's respawning ability, as Marauders are stated in their Codex entry to have been resurrected by the Divinity Machine. Of course, Doom Guy was capable of respawning well before he got Divinity Machine'd, and his respawnery is questionably canon anyway. The only thing we know for certain that the Divinity Machine granted Doom Guy was enhanced strength, endurance and agility, as well as that being the moment he ascended from 'Doom Guy' to 'Doom Slayer' but specifically what that actually means is unclear.
Last edited:
Uh, she memorised every document in the UAC library. She definitely knows how to make more and given the existence of tinkers and Dragon, the means are surely not far away. Heck, a development contract with the DoD for combat-proven reliable non-tinkertech power armour would have her set for several dozen lifetimes and raise the general tech level of earth bet to nearly kardashev 0.9 just from the ancillary spinoffs and manufacturing techniques. Not to mention the quantity of tinkertech that would suddenly become, if not 100% duplicable*, a totally explicable result of known physics and therefore recreatable.
*The toaster-based death ray for example; the ray itself would be possible to build but precisely how parts from a toaster and a washing machine generate it might remain a mystery.
- Location
- Russia
I'm pretty sure that Doom Guy respawns by just waking up in hell and tearing his way out of there. Eventually, they just gave up and don't even let his soul get down there unless he actively walks in.