"So," says Siesta, "I've noticed that you two are kind of, well, bad at finding places."
You start to answer, but Tiffania pipes in first. "We're cursed." That's... a little less delicate than you would have put it.
"Cursed?" asks Siesta.
"Yes. We get lost easily." Tiffania pauses for a second, then adds "Don't tell anyone." Truly she is a master of subtlety.
"I see," says Siesta. "And yet I can't help but notice you're leading the way."
"To get back to Japan, first we have to get really lost," you explain.
"And, uh, how does that work?" asks Siesta.
"Japan is in another world," says Tiffania.
"...And we're going there on foot?" asks Siesta.
"I've done it before," you say.
There's a long silence, and Siesta looks back in the direction you came from. The city is no longer in sight.
"...I suddenly find myself wondering if it would have been better to just let the Zero blow me up," the maid mutters.
0o0o0
"Wait," says Tiffania, panting. "Stop. Need," gasp, "break."
You look back at the half elf in confusion. It's only been about an hour, and Tiffania isn't even carrying a pack. If you need to stop to rest this often, it's going to take much longer than usual to get back to Nerima.
Siesta looks rather smug. "You city-goers. Back at my village, even the children can go longer than this."
You hate to admit it, but you were easily capable of traveling for longer than this when you were ten. But then again, you've been practicing martial arts and getting lost all your life. Normal people can't just go and go and go like you can.
You can't afford to stop to rest this often if you want to make anything approaching decent time on your return. You'll need to find another solution.
0o0o0
You are now carrying Tiffania piggyback. You try not to think about the soft things that keep occasionally bouncing off the top of your head. Siesta keeps giving you annoyed looks, but you're not sure why.
"How come I never get to ride piggyback anymore?" the maid mumbles.
0o0o0
"Wait," says Siesta, panting. "Stop. Need," gasp, "break."
You look at the maid, who looks about ready to pass out. You suppose it has been about five hours, and you are kind of hungry. The three of you take a break for dinner.
0o0o0
After eating, the three of you decide to start traveling again. Siesta takes three steps, then abruptly falls over, clutching her right leg in pain. You perform a cursory examination of her leg. As far as you can tell, she hasn't actually injured herself. It's definitely not broken, there's no visible swelling, and you can't see any bruising. Still, she insists her leg hurts. You suppose she probably just stepped wrong.
Tiffania suggests just camping out for the night and continuing in the morning, but you really want to keep going. Siesta supports this notion, but insists that she can't walk.
0o0o0
You are now carrying Siesta piggyback, pack and all. Every once in a while, you notice that Tiffania is giving you odd looks. The fifth time you notice it, you realize that she's actually looking at Siesta. You look up, and catch the maid smiling and waving her arms over her head. "Siesta?" you ask.
The maid's face flares bright red, the smile vanishes, replaced by a neutral mask, and her arms drop to her side, as if she hadn't just been waiving her arms and silently cheering. "Yes, Ryouga?"
"...Er, nothing," you reply, and the maid lets out a sigh of relief.
0o0o0
You decide to camp for the night when Tiffania starts panting again. Strangely, Siesta seems to be moving perfectly normal, now. You guess she just needed to rest a bit more.
You set up your tent for the night. It's not really meant for three people, but you'll all be in separate sleeping bags anyway, so you're not too worried. It's not until after you've set it up and crowded into it that you remember that you only brought one sleeping bag. Fortunately, Siesta brought her own, but that still leaves Tiffania without one.
The two of you end up sharing a sleeping bag. Again. It's just as awkward for you as it was yesterday.
0o0o0
The next day, you wake up to the sound of rain pattering off the top of the tent. Siesta wants to head out immediately, but you convince her to wait a bit by offering her some jerky.
While you wait, you convince her to practice her Japanese.
0o0o0
It's been over an hour, and the rain hasn't let up. You're running out of excuses, and Siesta is chomping at the bit. She's even started pointing out that you have an umbrella. Repeatedly. Then, while digging for more jerky, she found that stupid rain jacket and boots you bought back when you first got your Jusenkyo curse. You quickly abandoned your original idea of 'Just wear this everywhere' when your curse kept getting activated anyways, but you never actually got rid of them.
According to Siesta, you are officially out of excuses.
0o0o0
Siesta doesn't have an umbrella. Apparently, she likes the rain. You stick her in the rain jacket and let her go outside. From the sounds of it, she's actually playing in the rain. You're worried about what this means about her mental state.
0o0o0
Siesta came back into the tent dripping wet and triggered your Jusenkyo curse. You are now stuck as a pig inside a tent waiting for the rain to stop so you can actually change back. Fortunately, Tiffania was there to explain the curse.
Siesta has decided that you are cute as a pig and has renamed you "Pork Chop."
0o0o0
The rain finally stopped, and you were able to heat up some water so you could change back. You've noticed that you are running low on kerosene. You make a mental note to get more the next time you find a town.
0o0o0
It's about midday, and Siesta and Tiffania are taking a break again. You take the opportunity to do some training. A few minutes into the training, Siesta asks you what you are doing, and you give her a rather extensive explanation of martial arts. She seems more interested than you expected her to be.
During your explanation, Siesta accidentally calls you Pork Chop. At least, you hope it was an accident.
0o0o0
It's been two days since she found out about your cursed form, and Siesta won't stop calling you Pork Chop, even when you are human. It is annoying.
You keep telling her to call you Ryouga, but she won't listen. Or maybe just doesn't understand. Her Japanese is still pretty shaky.
0o0o0
You accidentally told Siesta to call you P-chan instead of Pork Chop. You have now been forced to explain who P-chan is. Tiffania seems to have lost a good deal of respect for you. Siesta thinks it's hilarious.
0o0o0
Siesta has volunteered to help you with your evasion training. She does this by randomly flinging buckets of cold water at you while you train.
Eventually, Tiffania joins in. Except she throws rocks. You suspect she might be mad at you about the P-chan thing.
0o0o0
Tiffania has confided that she is mad at you about the P-chan thing. You feel bad, so you take some time to practice your Shishi Hokodan.
Siesta thinks it's amazing.
0o0o0
It's been about a week. You think. You're not sure, as there are now two suns, and night never seems to happen anymore. Also, the grass is blue and the sky is green.
On the plus side, Siesta's Japanese has improved tremendously, and Tiffania seems to have forgiven you about the P-chan thing.
Siesta tells you that you can be her Pork Chop if Akane ever throws you out for being P-chan. You're not sure if she's joking.
0o0o0
The grass is green again, and it's actually night out. Thank goodness. You were getting sick of hiding in caves to avoid the flying green things.
0o0o0
It's been something like two weeks. You just found a paved road. This is a good sign. You take some time to explain cars to Siesta and Tiffania, and tell them not to stand in the road if one is coming, and not to sleep in the middle of the road or anything.
0o0o0
You are out of kerosene. This means that any water will have to be heated via a fire. Fortunately, Siesta knows how to make one, but it's still irritating.
0o0o0
Your curse has been triggered again, and Siesta won't make a fire until she's done "playing with Pork Chop." When you get back to normal, the very first thing you are going to do is teach Tiffania how to make camp fires.
0o0o0
Today, you wake up to a bear tearing apart your tent. You kill it, cook it, and the three of you eat it for breakfast. And later lunch. You need a new tent.
0o0o0
You have confirmed the existence of automobiles in your current location. A truck is sitting at the side of the road. Unfortunately, you lack the mechanical expertise to figure out if something is wrong with it and aren't enough of a criminal to try to hot-wire it. You continue your journey on foot.
0o0o0
You have reached a town. Finally. It seems that it's been eighteen days since you first arrived at Halkeginia. The locals speak English and something else, and you have been informed that you are in Versailles. You think that's somewhere in Virginia.
Which means you're back on Earth. Now you just have to figure out how to get out of the United States.
0o0o0
You were able to make some money doing some heavy lifting at a local store, and you have finally been able to restock on supplies. Tiffania now has her own sleeping bag, you've got a new tent, you've got kerosene, you've got a new compass, you actually have a map (of the whole world this time! Not just Africa!), and you've restocked on food.
While you restock on supplies, Tiffania asks you to get her a traveling pack. She seems to feel guilty that she hasn't been carrying anything, while you and Siesta have been.
Unfortunately, you then make the mistake of taking Siesta clothing shopping. You and Tiffania end up modelling clothing for the better part of two hours. Also, you have discovered that neither Siesta nor Tiffania know their own sizes. This makes clothing shopping awkward.
In the end, you get a few new yellow long-sleeved shirts, a yellow sleeveless shirt, and another pair of black pants. Likewise, Tiffania gets some green and white dresses, some pants, and a few skirts.
Siesta buys several maid costumes. This earns you some weird looks when you go to check out.
0o0o0
Siesta suddenly asked you for some money. It isn't much, so you give her the amount, and she runs off. It isn't until after she leaves that you realize that she's the closest thing you have to a guide here. Unfortunately, that leaves you and Tiffania stranded until the maid comes back.
In the mean time, you turn to the section of the map covering the United States. You manage to find Virginia, but you can't find Versailles in it. Figures the map wouldn't actually go into enough detail to help you get out of where you are. Still, it looks like if you just keep going west, you should be able to get to Japan. Eventually. You just have to cross that huge blue thing. Fortunately, you've got a working compass now.
Siesta returns about five minutes later. She won't tell you what she bought, saying that it's a surprise.
0o0o0
During your training today, Siesta ambushed you with a water gun. You're pretty sure that's what she bought using the money you gave her yesterday. Unfortunately, she managed to catch you completely flatfooted, and you spent several minutes as Pork Chop as a result. You mean P-chan. YOUR CURSED FORM! YOU SPENT SEVERAL MINUTES IN YOUR CURSED FORM AS A RESULT!
0o0o0
Today you killed a land squid. You've never seen one before, but you've heard about them from Ranma. He seemed to hold quite a bit of disdain for them.
You found the tentacled creature while it was attacking Tiffania and Siesta. It went down pretty quickly. You're not sure why Ranma doesn't like them so much.
It is now going to serve as your lunch.
0o0o0
You are pretty sure land squids are poisonous. At the very least, they taste terrible. None of you liked it, and you ended up just leaving its carcass at the camp site.
0o0o0
You have made it to a city. And people are speaking Japanese. You are...
[] In Tokyo! You don't know where exactly, but you've been here enough times to recognize it!
[] At a festival. It's been a long time since you last stumbled across one.
[] At a tournament of some sort! Maybe you should enter? Although you wonder where the ring is...
[] You don't know, but you're in Japan!
[] It's the Nerima district! You know it! And there's the Tendo Dojo! ...Wait, you're supposed to be going to the Nekohanten.
