Many thanks to @BeaconHill and @GlassGirlCeci for betareading.
Trigger warning: This chapter contains non-explicit references to both child abuse and sexual assault.
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Alec felt Lisa's eyes on him as the sign for Brockton Bay's city limit slid past them. The car rumbled faintly beneath him as he lounged, head against the cool glass of the window, staring out into the night. The sea glittered faintly under the moonlight, the uneven surface twinkling in his eyes like a silver galaxy.
"Take a picture," he said dryly, without looking back at Lisa. "It'll last longer."
She didn't answer for a moment. When she did, her voice was serious. "Are you sure about this, Alec?" she asked quietly.
He rolled his eyes, tilting his head in her direction. Her brow was furrowed as she watched him. He saw Faultline glancing back at them through the rear-view mirror.
"Nah," he said easily. "But I'm bored with hanging out at your base with nothing to do. This has gotta be worth a try, right?"
"Annatar's dangerous," Faultline said, looking back at the road. "It's probably not going to be as easy to get away from her as it was to escape Coil, kid."
Alec snorted. "Yeah, no shit. I'm not an idiot."
"Then why?" Faultline pressed, glancing back and meeting his eyes for a moment. "Why take the risk?"
Alec glanced over at Lisa, a smirk on his lips. She pursed her lips before answering for him. "She represents an opportunity for you," she said. "With Heartbreaker out of the picture, you've got more freedom than you had before. If you can get her to at least clear your record, even unofficially, it opens a lot of doors."
"Bingo," Alec said, leaning back against his plush headrest and closing his eyes.
"She's probably not going to give you that for free," Faultline pointed out. "At the very least, you'll probably be expected to serve in the Wards or Protectorate for a probationary period."
Alec shrugged. "Suits me fine. Getting into cape fights as an actual job, without having to worry about jail or the Birdcage if I fuck up? Sounds fun."
"And if she offers you a Ring?" Lisa asked. "Or makes you take—wait, seriously?"
Alec grinned, opening his eyes and looking back at her. "What? Find something surprising?"
She gaped at him. "
Curiosity," she said incredulously, "isn't a great reason to risk getting Mastered!"
Alec rolled his eyes. "Sure, for you."
Lisa's eyes narrowed at him. In the driver's seat, Faultline cleared her throat. "I'd have thought, with your history with Masters, you'd be a bit more cautious with them," said Faultline.
Lisa answered for him, still watching his face. "No," she said quietly. "No, that's
why he's so gung-ho about it. Jesus, Alec."
"What?" Alec asked with a shrug. "I thought we established that my head wasn't exactly screwed on right."
"I don't think percussive maintenance via Master is what you need, though," Lisa argued.
"Well, make up your minds," said Faultline, pulling over. "We'll be at the meeting place in a couple minutes, and at that point it's too late. So decide now."
"Psh," Alec grunted. "Just drive, Faultline. Rachel will be more useful to you guys, and I can take care of myself." He grinned over at Lisa. "Nice to know you care, though."
Something odd happened to her face. For a moment, the flippant response he expected seemed to catch on her tongue. Something else, something he didn't expect, pulled it back. "Of course I care, Alec," she said instead, surprising him with her sincerity, reaching out a hand and squeezing his shoulder. "You're—you
were—my teammate. That means something. Meant something."
Alec bit down at the instinctive, caustic response. Instead, he just turned back to the window to watch the buildings go by.
The car slowed, then came to a stop. Alec looked around the seat in front of him. Faultline was pulling to a stop on one side of a parking lot. On the other side, a PRT van was parked with one door hanging open. And there, leaning against its side, her armor glittering unnaturally in the moonlight, was the unofficial queen of Brockton Bay.
Her arms were crossed as she leaned casually against the white metal, seeming completely at ease in armor so bright it eclipsed the streetlamps all around. She wasn't looking their way. Her shadow stood at her side, one hand on the sword at her hip, the other on the haft of a hand crossbow. Annatar's head was tilted in her direction as they held some quiet conversation in low voices.
Armsmaster was leaning against his halberd on the other side of the van, watching them pull up. Beside him was a shorter, stockier figure, and though the costume had changed, Alec recognized Brian instantly.
He reached for the door and pulled the handle, stepping out into the night. The warm summer night hit him like a slap in the face after the air-conditioned car. As Lisa and Faultline followed him out, he sauntered forward, tossing his scepter up and catching it by the handle, juggling it one-handed.
"Heard you were taking resumes?" he called out.
Annatar's head turned, and he found himself fixed by her gaze. He kept walking, meeting her eyes. It felt odd, like a tickle in the back of his head. She pushed off the van, jerked her head in an instruction to her shadow, then walked in his direction. "You could say that," she said. Despite being warm, young, high, and melodic—all qualities Heartbreaker's voice had lacked—something about it reminded Alec of his father. It was a voice accustomed to command. "Although in this case, I think we're past CVs and into the interview stage."
Alec's lips quirked up. "Damn, I should have worn a tie," he said, idly playing with the frills around the neck of his costume.
"Regent." Armsmaster's voice was hard and businesslike as he cut through the banter. "Fume told us you're considering going hero?"
Alec shrugged, looking over at the older hero. "Don't have to keep dear old dad from finding me anymore," he said. "I don't have to keep as low a profile. Sure, I
could cut loose, try to carve myself out a little fiefdom of my own in another city, really stretch my powers. But honestly," he looked back at Annatar. "Why
bother, you know? I don't see the appeal."
Annatar's lips, visible under her helmet, curved upwards into a small smile. "What
does appeal to you, Regent?" she asked, and there was something silky in her voice now, almost sensual. "What does your ideal life look like now, with your father out of the picture?"
Alec scratched at his ear for a moment as he considered the question. Lisa caught up with him while he thought, standing silent at his side, watching him intently. "A bed," he said finally. "A roof. Three meals I don't have to cook or clean up after. Some video games to play when I'm bored." He took a deep breath. "And cape fights. Chances to use my powers against people who can actually fight back."
Annatar tilted her head. "Really?" she asked slowly. "You wouldn't be content with just the pampered, lazy life?"
"
Fuck no. I'd go crazy. Well, crazier." Alec snorted. "Yeah, I
like being able to chill. That's what I liked best about being with the Undersiders. Between jobs, I could just hang out. Almost relax, as long as I was keeping track of where the old man was right then. But it was
between jobs. If I wanted to just be a boring normal, I'd go rogue, or even go to ground as a civilian. I dunno, I feel like I'd just turn into a rock if I sat there long enough. Cold-blooded people like me gotta move sometimes, you know?"
Annatar considered him. "I think I do," she said.
Shadow Stalker leaned in towards her and murmured something in her ear. Alec couldn't hear them, so he looked over at Lisa. "She doesn't like you," she muttered to him. "Thinks you don't fit in their Wards."
"To be fair, she's probably right," Alec said. "They seem preachy."
"There's more to it, though." Annatar looked back over at him, pulling away from her shadow. "Regent, you said you wanted to fight against people 'who could actually fight back.' Why is that important?"
Alec blinked. "It's boring otherwise," he said.
"Is it?" Annatar stepped forward, and the distance between them seemed to close a lot more than just one pace. He imagined he could feel her breath, hot on his face. She seemed to grow, looming large over him, though he could feel that his neck wasn't craning up to meet her gaze. "It doesn't give you a thrill to have that kind of power over people? To override, control—
dominate?"
Every muscle in Alec's face froze. The hot night air was suddenly scalding against the ice in his veins. He remembered the fear in their faces—the women trying to shush him, glancing over their shoulders to see if
he was coming; the men groveling piteously at
his feet after a failed kidnapping attempt; the girl
he had put in Alec's bed, staring at him with wide, terrified eyes.
He hadn't thought about her in a long time. That bed, that moment… it felt like it should have been burned into his memory. It had been, for a long time. Every time he'd had sex, the specter of that moment had clung to him like a shroud. The feeling of Heartbreaker's breath on the back of his neck, as in front of him the girl stared in horror as her own hands began to move against her will…
He'd asked her name, had promised himself that he'd remember it. He no longer did.
"No," he said, and it was like surfacing from a long dive in icy water. He was suddenly aware of Lisa's wide eyes on him, of Annatar's burning gaze. "No, it really doesn't."
Annatar smiled, and suddenly she was human again, just a girl about his age, several yards away in a mostly empty parking lot. Alec looked down for a moment, taking a deep breath, before looking back up and meeting her eyes again. He was back in control.
In that moment there came the roar of some giant beast, and with a resounding
thud Rachel landed beside him astride one of her dogs. It growled fiercely at Annatar. Beside her, Shadow Stalker flinched and grasped the hilt of her sword, but Annatar didn't move a muscle. "Hello, Bitch," she said.
"The fuck did you do?" Bitch growled, sounding as animalistic as any of her dogs.
"I needed to understand," said Annatar. Her voice was suddenly smaller, and the resonant tones of authority he'd heard in it before faded away. But something had taken their place—a steely resolve, at once gentler and harder than the show of force that had preceded it.
Bitch's hound barked, a sound like a small explosion. Alec looked up at Rachel. Her snarl matched her dog's.
"It's okay," he said.
Her head turned. She met his eyes. Some part of Alec that he'd thought long buried reared its tired head at the look in her eyes, and quietly whispered in his ear,
mother.
"It's okay," he said again.
Her glare faded slightly. The dog's growling quieted.
"Mairë," said Armsmaster suddenly, and Alec looked over to see that he'd readied his halberd and was pointing it in Bitch's direction. "Are you
certain it's a good idea to let her go free?"
"More now than ever," said Annatar—no,
Mairë—evenly. "That protective instinct doesn't appear in a soulless killer." She smiled, her eyes on Rachel. "If you want," she said, "we can try to get your record cleared, wipe away the stain of the death in your past. But that would mean staying here, with us, while we did that, and I don't think you want that."
Rachel didn't reply with words. She just grunted.
"I thought not," Mairë said. "As far as I'm concerned, you can go free with Faultline and Tattletale. If you're caught in future, I'll do my best to protect you from the murder charge. Anything you do from here on, though, you're on your own."
Rachel looked down at the glimmering girl on the ground and nodded slowly. That was the only response she gave.
"As for you, Regent," Mairë said, fixing her piercing eyes on him. "I'll speak plainly. Your psych profile says you're a sociopath. I think it's wrong. I think you're pushing something down—pushing it so hard and so far, that it's dragging your ability to feel
anything down with it."
"Well
I could have told you that," said Alec dryly. "Hello,
Heartbreaker's kid, here? Repressed childhood trauma is, like, my entire backstory. I'm basically reverse Batman—instead of being traumatized because my parents are dead, I got traumatized because they
weren't."
Annatar smiled, but it was an oddly melancholy expression. There was something about the empty smile that reminded Alec of himself--lips curved upward in a lie, barely doing anything to hide the layers beneath. But in Annatar's case, at least, there was
something below the surface. "What cuts deepest, Regent?" she asked. "Which atrocity, of all those your father did to you, is the one that left the ugliest scar? I think I know. I was watching your face, just then, when I got through your armor. I'd recognize that expression anywhere."
"It wasn't his fault." Alec blinked. His head whipped around to stare at Lisa. She was glaring over at Mairë like the girl had said something to personally offend her. "I'd like to see
you do better."
"I
didn't do better." Mairë's laugh seemed malformed as it came out of her mouth, misshapen, with sharp edges. "How do you think I knew the feeling? I see that face every time I look in a mirror." She met Alec's eyes again. "
Regret, Regent," she said quietly. "That's what you're burying there. And it works, in a way. You can live your life like that. You can keep it from hurting, most of the time. I'm honestly impressed with how well you've compartmentalized it. You're holding together incredibly well, and I'd feel comfortable sending you to any Wards team in the country, personally."
"Or?" Alec prompted.
"Or," Mairë confirmed, "you can stay here. It's not going to be pleasant. I'll make it my mission to
break that compartmentalization you've worked so hard on. I'm going to do my level best to
make you feel all those things you've tried so hard to bury and drown. I'm going to force you to look those regrets in the eye."
Her eyes had been hazel. Mostly brown, flecked with a hint of green. "Why the hell would I want you to do that?"
"Because at the end of it," Shadow Stalker said, speaking up suddenly, "you'll be able to look in the mirror and be proud of the person looking back."
Alec stared at her. "I'm not really the self-loathing type," he said.
"Would you be, if you felt anything, though?" Shadow Stalker challenged.
Alec didn't really have an answer to that.
"It's your choice," said Mairë. "Entirely your choice. But I'm making the offer." She took a deep breath. "
Nine for the Penitent, forged anew. I'm trying to gather together people like me—people trying to build something out of regret, shame, and guilt. People trying to rise above their pasts and find something meaningful in the future. Absolution, forgiveness, redemption. Take your pick. That's what I'm offering—a spot beside me on that road. It's not an easy road, and my way isn't the only way up it. But it's mine. And I think you'd be a good fit."
People like me, she had said. She no longer reminded him of his father at all. "So… I'm hired?"
She grinned. "If you'll have us."
"You sure about this, Regent?" Lisa asked quietly.
He turned his head and met her gaze. "Yes," he said. Then he looked over at Brian, who had been silent this whole time. "Yes, I'm sure."
