The First Year Anniversary Special: Get in the damn robot, Tamiko! Part 1
"If you're going to pilot it, then do it now, Shinji," the blonde man growled out with a low voice, his deep baritone echoing menacingly in the metal-clad hall. Behind his glasses, his eyes were narrowed into thin lines as he looked upon the people gathered below him.
"If not, then leave."
One couldn't help but to be intimidated by the man's sheer presence, Kaiko surmised. Standing taller than anyone else in the set and with a face almost straight out of a Greek statue, mister Verrier was already a thing to behold among the cast. But the elevated platform and terrific lighting only served to further highlight the feeling of powerlessness one could feel around him.
"Ah, I see you agree to my casting choice of Gendo then?"
The girl slowly turned around to face the green-clad director, who was looking at her with an almost smug grin on their face. The strange person had called them all here to film sort of a movie for reasons unknown to others. Being the responsible and dependable sort, Kaiko was granted a role as their personal aide and co-director.
"He nailed it pretty well," she was forced to admit.
"But I still think Tamiko could do with some more coaching."
"Eh, she'll manage," the director brushed the concerns off while another explosion rocked the scene.
"She's a good lass! A fast learner and doesn't lack enthusiasm. What more could I ask for?"
"That's not the thing I'm worried about. It's just that she seems to be a bit too much into-"
"KISHI, NOOO!!!" a terrified shout pierced the halls, interrupting Hana mid-way her explanation.
"I-I… I can heal you! Don't worry!"
"...Then again, you may have a point there."
Kaiko nodded, giving the director a mirrored copy of their previously smug smirk
===
"Shinji, this is your home now," Cathy, or Captain Katsuragi at the moment, said with a slight smile, beckoning the younger girl to come to the apartment.
The people behind the cameras could actually see Tamiko gulp at the words. But what they put up to good acting was actually genuine nervousness and uncertainty about the sight before her. Never before had she seen such a mess anywhere. Even her own room was kept tidier than this!
Yet, she forced herself to keep it down.
"I-I'm home," the girl whispered weakly and stepped into well-lit room to a cheerful announcement of,
"Welcome home!" from the blue-haired woman.
"Oh, as you can see, the place is a bit messy," Cathy continued on, rubbing her neck sheepishly while her grin threatened to split her face in two.
"Sorry about that~! But make yourself comfortable!"
A bit behind the cameras and microphones focused on the two actors, the director and their assistant observed the scene. The latter especially seemed almost impressed, even if for all the wrong reasons.
"The prop designers must have gone all out on the apartment. It's just so comically messy. I can imagine all that trash coalescing into a monster trying to eat people at any moment."
"Huh? Your strange imagination aside, what do you mean?" the director asked, turning to look at Kaiko, their expression puzzled.
"They're still busy in the GEOfront. This set is just miss Catherine's actor apartment. We're using it to save corners."
"Oh…" Kaiko blinked and took another look at the set, desperately hiding the grimace that was threatening to spawn on her face. The more she stared at the mess, the more she realized she would need some brain bleach to actually forget that piece of information.
Some things mortal beings were not meant to know.
===
"Hmm, it seems that Danah is really enjoying herself down there," Kaiko said, finally putting her thoughts into words. It was a strange sight to watch the heavily decorated snake viciously tear into the prop robot piloted by Tamiko.
"She has been so withdrawn from others, almost like she was sulking."
"Yeah, no kidding," the director agreed.
"The only thing missing is a boombox blasting Linkin Park at maximum volume, and we'd be all set in the edginess department."
"I wonder what could have caused such a change in demeanor, though? It's all so very sudden."
"Eh, I don't know," the director shrugged nonchalantly.
"But I'm not complaining. This makes my job so much easier."
What they couldn't hear from their position were the low, angry hisses from Danah she let out in between the screams inside the robot.
"Those were… limited! Only six… meatballs… per person! Do you think… you're above the rules!?"
Tamiko and her two companions just screamed as the robot was thrashed around like a rag doll. Kishi was going to have to work extra that night to fix everything...
===
The director was grinning like a maniac, Kaiko noted as they stepped into her view, holding the requested supply tray. They had just finished shooting the scene, and this was one where Kaiko was needed for acting out the role of an angel. More specifically, they needed her to form the core of Ramiel, an angel that needed her and two other witches to turn into a passable form for later editing.
The problem was that manifesting Irma was extremely tiring and tended to leave her with a headache afterwards. As such, she had requested chocolate and juice with some aspirin to be delivered to her once they were done with filming.
"That was great job, Kaiko!" they complimented her, and handed over the wooden tray.
"We nailed this one in one shot!"
Kaiko nodded, graciously accepting her snacks, and clumsily rose up to stand.
"Not a problem. How are Tamiko and Kishi?"
"Well, they're okay?" they answered, seeming a bit uncomfortable all of sudden.
"It's just that we're having some trouble removing them from the scene."
Kaiko raised an eyebrow at that.
"How come? I' would've thought they'd be happy to go back to everyone else?"
"Well, normally that would be the case," the director noted.
"But we had Kishi use her beam-weapon for the scene, and she's utterly spent as of now. Tamiko on the other hand… Well…"
"...She's in complete panic mode, isn't she?"
The director didn't answer, instead turning to look at the direction of the main scene. The production team members were doing their best to get Tamiko let go of Kishi's sleeping form, but to no avail. In her panic, she seemed to have made her mission to hug the girl until she would recover. And to ensure that, she had locked Kishi and herself into the cockpit of the robot, stubbornly yelling no each time she was asked to come out.
"Pretty much… But I think they're trying to lure her out with Fluffy at the moment. That should get her out. And if not, we'll just wake up the other actors."
Sometimes Kaiko wondered how her co-actors managed to even function on a daily basis.
===
"No, I'm not doing this! Not even if Hell freezes over!" a furiously blushing and flustered Evelyn screamed at the pair of sitting people before her. At the same time, she aggressively waved the script right in front of the director's face, almost as if to threaten about slapping them in the face if they didn't comply with her demands.
Behind her, the equally embarrassed Mariko nodded along, gripping her copy of the script with all her might. Further in the distance, Tamiko and Ami were staring at one of the pages, both blushing at the content held within.
"Girls, girls… calm down, okay? What's the problem with the scene?" the director asked right back,casually leaning against the back of their folding chair as they enjoyed the gentle breeze blowing across the desk of the aircraft carrier. They looked utterly baffled about the whole conversation.
"What's the problem!? Do you even need to ask!?" Evelyn shrieked right back, utterly nonplussed by the placating effort.
"Why is there a goddamn panty-shot in the scene!? "
The director blinked, somehow managing to remain calm under the verbal assault.
"Uh, come again?"
"You heard me right. Explain!?"
Kaiko winced at seeing the director's attempt to justify the scene to the best of their ability. She had already learned that the script didn't come from them, so changing it would be impossible. But she doubted the girls wanted to hear that, so they were forced to spew out horse crap to defend the script.
A low moan, a voice like that of a thousand ancient planks groaning under weight, reverberated from nearby, and Kaiko turned to look at the titanic witch floating in the sea. They had dragged Anne Maria here to play the role of Gaghiel, but they were constantly running into problems with her enormous bulk. They couldn't get the masts below the surface for one thing!
"...We're going to need a bigger ocean," Kaiko sighed out loud, receiving a quiet wail of agreement from the wooden leviathan.
===
"I must say, the person who wrote this script seems have a few screws too loose in their head," Hirohito noted for perhaps the hundredth time that evening and tapped the pages of his script. Sure, he kept changing the words with each iteration, but the content was always the same.
"And probably some things a bit too tight while we're at it."
"Aww, how about you loosen up a bit too, and enjoy your time here?" Cathy shot right back, smirking coyly.
"Acting sure is a blast! Especially with a script as awesome as this!"
"Well, I kind of did figure you'd enjoy it. This is like one of your day dreams come true, isn't it?"
"Oh my, you actually claim to know what I dream of?" the blue-haired woman asked right back, her predatory eyes gleaming.
"I've gotten to know you well enough to guess. And that's all I'm willing to say on the matter," Hirohito concluded with a light, humorous smile dancing on his lips, while turning the page of the script.
"But I think we need to have a talk with the director. Because if I'm reading this right, there's a scene where you are supposed to kiss Tamiko."
"Hey, I don't practice cradle robbing!" Cathy noted with clear dismay in her voice, suddenly rising up from the bed to peer over her companion's shoulder.
"But don't worry, I've actually gone ahead and asked the director about that today, and they agreed to work around it. Now c'mere, Hicchan, you're invited to some sleep too! No over-working tonight!"
"...You do realize that this is my bed you're bunking on, right?"
"Yes. And?"
Hicchan simply sighed in amusement and set aside the script, before finally flopping onto the bed with the facade falling for the night.
"How you managed to cause tap water to explode is beyond me…"
===
"No… No, no, no, nonononono!" Tamiko whined out loud from her bench, desperately hugging clinging onto Ariane for support.
"No, I refuse to do that!"
The director sighed in frustration. They had already expected something like this to happen when it came the time to film the scenes with Kaworu. With the time that had elapsed during the filming, it was already basic pattern recognition. How they ever accepted this job still left the director wondering about their sanity.
But as things stood, there was no other option than to convince the girl to act out the death scene.
"Come on, it's only one scene! And it's only miss Ariane's specter that's going to end up destroyed. No one's going to get hurt, okay?"
The girl didn't appear to be listening at all, though, instead responding by tightening her squeeze and pouting in defiance. It didn't really help that Ariane herself was supporting the gesture by repeatedly hugging and patting Tamiko back. Her gaze had also turned suspicious towards them.
"Please, it's the last scene we need to film for this part," Kaiko continued the plea on her part.
"It's only a single shot. You can do that much, right?"
There was another defiant pout from the girls.
The director sighed once again. Sometimes, it felt like walking barefooted through a field of glass shards without end in sight.
"T-Tamiko? Y-you don't have to be afraid, it's going to be fine! J-just listen, okay..."
The director turned around to look at the newly arrived Kishi, who wasted no time to start convincing the pair of girls to cooperate here. She seemed to be having some minor success too, given the way the trio turned to look at them at once, almost as if actually considering it.
"What do you have to offer in return?" Ariane asked.
Bribery then? Fine, they could play by those rules just fine.
"I'll treat you two at the ice cream buffet after this? And I can say with good conscience that they have a Claw Crane game with stuffed toys there."
It seemed to be working somewhat, as Ariane nodded acceptively to the suggestion. Tamiko seemed a little less convinced, though, something that needed to be addressed.
"...And yes, you can bring Fluffy to the shoot. We'll edit him out later."
The radiant, happy smile on the girl's face almost made it worth the headache. Bad days aside, it was still something worth doing.
===
"So… Run this by me again?" Evelyn asked, blinking at the plan described by.
"We'll break into the director's office, have Kishi hack into their computer, and then replace the ending scene with this… thing?"
"Yup! It's going to be awesome" Tamiko chirped, perhaps too cheerily, while waving the unremarkable memory stick in front of her face. She had been sulking a lot after the horrendous ending scene between the two of them, something she could well understand. The whole thing was pretty damn messed up on so many levels.
However, she had not expected her to go this far.
To explain what had happened, Tamiko had cried about having to do the scene to her uncle. Not one to take his niece's distress lying down, the man had arranged for Cathy to distract the staff and the director in particular, while he had pilfered some video-making tools.
Afterwards, the two adults had run around the studio to get everyone to shot a quick scene of them clapping and congratulating someone. They had all thought it was just a joke, at least until the material was given to Mariko, apparently a rather capable person with software like that, for editing and creating animation to it with the rest of the group aiding her with live-shots.
The end result was surreal to say at least.
"Are you sure they won't be mad at us, though?" Ami asked, sounding a bit concerned.
"Nope! They're able to take a joke," Ariane answered the question, looking like she was ready to bounce into action at any second. "
It's not like we're deleting the old thing or anything, either!"
"Still, it seems a bit mean…"
"You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize I'll probably regret this," Evelyn noted with a shake of her head.
"But it sounds so exciting, and I know I won't get a chance to do something like this ever again, so… What are we waiting for?"
Besides, what's the worst thing that could happen?
2 months later
"...I can't believe that the director actually made that the canon ending," Evelyn groaned in exasperation from the wide couch shared by the group of friends. They had all been invited to the watch the end result of their hard work, and they had all been taken aback as soon as they reached the last parts of the series.
"Y-yeah… B-but at least it's a happier ending than the planned one?" Kishi piped in with her suggestion, her gaze transfixed on the huge white screen before her.
You couldn't deny that though, especially given the way even Tamiko seemed to be enjoying the show, despite her issues with the production.
"I don't know. It feels a bit… contrived to me?" Evelyn said, shaking her head. Despite the previous token protest from the rather optimistic Kishi, most of the people present seemed to agree at least partially.
Except for Cathy and Tamiko's uncle. They seemed to look more smug than anything else.
Meanwhile in the back seats, Kaiko had turned to look at her former boss with bewilderment running across her face.
"Did you just-?"
"Yes. Yes, I did… What of it?"
Kaiko groaned and cupped her hands to hide her frustrated expression.
"Y-you do realize that they gave you that as a joke, right?"
"Well, it was a good joke for one," the director noted grabbing a handful of popcorn. They didn't seem to mind the ending in the slightest.
"Besides, it works just as well as the original one. We can just release the actual ending as a special extra or something…"
Kaiko was fairly sure that was completely missing the point, but didn't say anything as the chorus of
'Congratulations!' started.
"Although…" they continued, looking a bit more solemn than before.
"Heh, I suppose it's also pretty nice to see everyone come together for something like this too."
"...Congratulations."
FIN
Welp, it's been a fun and interesting year writing this, that's for sure. When I actually started the quest, I honestly had no idea where I would be in a year. Seems like the answer to that one is, with the benefit of hindsight,
"still alive and kicking" !
I suppose someone with actual tools for that could count some interesting statistics for this quest, because I certainly didn't. But in the absence of numbers, you'll have to do with words. As such, this little summary of my thoughts is all you're going to get here!
First of all, special thanks to all of you who have been sticking in this far, no matter when you joined in. You're the ones to have created this quest (for better or worse
), and you give the most motivation to keep going. Another thank you for those who may not participate very actively, but nonetheless stick around to see where we are going with this. Also a thank you for those participated before, but have since dropped out for one reason or another even though you lot won't be around to read this.
It's been a wild ride, folks, and I hope you're ready for another year, because the ride won't be ending anytime soon!