Another update coming soon, but let me first complain about how awful Amazon is.
Look at this mess. I've had trouble with these older movies because of how bad Amazon is at this shit. Movies that are on services I subscribe to are unavailable for no reason, I had to use a free trial of the same service on a different platform to access a movie that Amazon swore was unavailable. One of the movies I was going to review is impossible to access because Amazon has the wrong movie indexed and so it plays the wrong movie every time you try! This isn't just Covid related shit, its been this way for a while.
See the copy of Delta Force available? Its a bad copy of the DVD copy of the movie I owned. The one that doesn't have subtitles for foreign languages. TV and other streaming services had them, this doesn't.
Amazon is often the service of last resort to find titles to stream and it's a terrible fucking steward.
I had similar issues after losing patience when I decided to watch Fist of Fury, got fed up with the terrible 70s dubbing, and tried to find a subtitled version via Amazon.
I had similar issues after losing patience when I decided to watch Fist of Fury, got fed up with the terrible 70s dubbing, and tried to find a subtitled version via Amazon.
What, haven't you ever had a filling meal of Either Cauliflower Or Suspicious Pasta With Maybe A Cheesy Sauce, a cup of Coffee(?), Untoasted White Bread (possibly with neither jam nor butter), and Canned Beer?
Also the fact that they forgot to give him any character traits means that I can only imagine McCoy living a life of quiet desperation until white people with brown makeup do a terrorism.
I realize now I made a mistake for years: I thought Delta Force was the good Chuck Norris movie that Cannon made. It was easy to make this mistake given that the sequel is super compressed Velveeta and the third entry can be only charitably described as a movie. Plus, what is its competition for the title of "Best Cannon Norris Film?" Missing in Action? Invasion USA? Hellbound? All the movies that you forget about until you see them listed and go "Oh yeah, the one where he's simultaneously undercover as a vicious mob enforcer while also mentoring an inner city youth.". The competition wasn't exactly stiff.
After rewatching it, I realized: Its only half a Chuck Norris movie. The two components of the movie are basically so divorced in tone and style that its like a Godfrey Ho film. Lets take a ripped from the headlines, serious face hostage crisis movie and then 70 minutes in go completely ham with it. Just turn it right into an 80s spray-and-pray fest with goofy synths and stupid action. Have Chuck Norris zip lining with a mini Uzi in the same film as Holocaust survivors being held hostage by someone who thinks Hitler had the right idea, as his wife yells that its all starting again. You would have to try really hard to mix two ideas this badly. Maybe combine Nacho Libre and Spotlight? Schindlers List and Weekend at Bernies? Graveyard of the Fireflies and Kill La Kill? Literally just The Day the Clown Cried?
Literally the same movie
I had some distance when I first watched this and didn't realize how close to the original events this movie was released. They started filming this thing three months after the initial hijacking and released it 4 months later. Which would be pretty fast for a movie trying to be as accurate and respectful as possible, but this movie is pure wish fulfillment. This is the creators enacting their own political beliefs about how to handle a crisis grafted onto a movie roughly about a real tragedy.
You have George Kennedy getting beaten by a terrorist for "fact checking" him that the USS New Jersey killed his family, because it never fired on Beirut. The guy is of course supposed to look like a violent nutjob, except of course for the fact that the terrorist is right. The New Jersey did. Poorly, with considerable controversy over just how inaccurately. The terrorist continually comes off as rather justified in his actions as a result. But what can you expect from a pro-israel movie that rather oddly films scenes using Israel as a stand in for Beirut while commenting that its a complete shithole out there. Its propaganda but its not good propaganda.
I'm not going to discuss the hijacking portion of the movie in too much detail. Despite some moments where it falters, like having the lead terrorist be Cherry from Jackie Brown in brown face for some fucking reason, its generally tense, dramatic and rather harrowing. Its highly functional and everyone is giving it their all. Lets talk about the dumb shit glued onto it, the wish fulfillment side of things.
The movie begins with a Cannon Films Explosion. You know, the kind where an object sits alone in an empty lot or stretch of land before exploding. Typically also with bad editing that makes the artificiality of the explosion really obvious.
"WAAAAAAIIIIT FOR IT"
Its Operation Eagle Claw, which apparently failed because sometimes helicopters explode for no reason. Chuck Norris keeps the mustache but gets a shave and a haircut to make it look like it takes place 4 years before the rest of the movie, so he looks like he took a Tom of Finland drawing to his barber. I say that of course not because there's anything wrong with that but because it would make him really mad to realize it and that makes it fun. Kind of like how Kevin Sorbo hates LGBT people despite being the CFO of one of the largest 90s Gay Spank Banks. Chuck looks hilariously off brand is what I'm saying here.
Not shown: The biker dude off screen with a huge dong
Anyway, he quits the military because he's mad about how things are done and retires to what appears to be a life of quiet misery. Just sitting there in the office of his horse prison, eating his patented All White Diet. Washing it down with room temperature Budweiser, watching his shitty TV. Just sitting there, with his Resting Blank Face, watching the news until a single hostage crisis erupts and he drives off to rejoin Delta Force. A charitable person would call his performance "stoic" while I would call it "a tragic acting disability". I mean sure, they forgot to actually write any actual characterization into his role as Major McCoy, they were pressed for time.
I actively struggle to list character traits that don't involve me just telling you who plays him. I can list off stupid shit about Lone Wolf McQuade AKA Cordell Walker. They built a rather stupid mythos for that character but it was fun and it was something. This is nothing. The only members of Delta Force with personality is Lee Marvin as the commander because he gets the barest levels of characterization and Bobby because he's played by Steve James. Who, of course, should have been the next American Ninja when Dudikoff backed out. It was staring you right in the fucking face Cannon! The whole time!
Anyway, they're mobilized to rescue the hostages, and the President signs an order reinstating McCoy. You know, the guy who has been sitting around eating Bland on White Bread with no indication of any retention of skills. He's apparently a critical asset. The first attempt to rescue the hostages in Algeria is foiled by a complete lack of basic prep work. McCoy said he'd only come back if they did it his way and his way is apparently to just blunder in. They have to call off the rescue because they didn't even get intel on how many people are on the plane and so there's roughly six times as many terrorists as they assumed there would be. This gets a passenger killed in retaliation. For those wanting to keep track, only a single passenger died OTL in exactly the same way for different reasons. Which means that their more militaristic take is at this point at best breaking even with real life Its not like anyone else is going to die though, right?
"No, not... *checks notes* ..Pete! He had a belt buckle, his sole characterization! Who will feed his buckle?!"
So after their plan of "mulleted white guys holding mini-Uzis off to the side while pretending to be the ground crew" didn't work, they have to regroup. They start actually training to secure an aircraft from hostages while sending McCoy and Dead Pete into Beirut to get some intel. They of course get none and get the local Mossad deep cover agent killed, but they eat up some run time with a wacky car chase. So I mean, Mission Accomplished.
I'm not going just recap the action scenes that follow, but key points:
In the 80s, looking down your sights was punishable by a maximum of a $500 fine and up to five days imprisonment. Real men apparently just waste 12 to 30 bullets on single targets in a breach.
Several terrorists just completely hose down the hostages with gunfire as they die but the movie decides it doesn't count.
The perfect color for your scuba gear for your night insertion is day glo yellow, right? Luckily terrorists can't see in color or apparently, at all.
Just all jump up in the center of a room full of hostages and just start spraying, they'll yield the right of way.
McCoy shoots a dude who is hiding under a bed not doing anything and its played up like its badass. I think that dude was just tapping out Menahem.
Use lasso on photo of Khomeini, Ctrl C, Ctrl V endlessly on every surface. Now we got some terrorists alright.
Look I have to randomly say that I got crude oil all over me in Tel Aviv down the beach from where they did this movie and I will not forgive that shit. That shit takes forever to get out man!
I never thought a commando raid could drag on, but here we are.
NEW FROM MATTEL, MCCOY SUICYCLE. Armed with terrorist killing rockets, devestating backwards firing mortars for some reason and twin mini-uzis that protect America's oil interests here and abroad! Take that Robert Forster! Comes with Real McCoy action figure with Kickboxing Grip! It talks, with zero memorable lines built in! Secretary of Slay, Alexander Haig sold seperately!
There are a couple scenes of Lee Marvin doing shit that work because he uses a gun like an actual person. They're better than most of the action scenes.
I like how the villain only ran 200 feet away from Delta Force and that was enough to escape almost all of them.
Its amazing that you can lose all the non English dialogue that contains plot information and it doesn't even matter
What goofy shit these Deltas be.
Real stealthy guys
And with all the hostages rescued and Pete dead, the day is won. McCoy is really sad that his best friend is dead though, and you can tell based on his face which has the exact same look as it always does. You are allowed to look slightly weepy when your best friend dies in war McCoy. Even the 80s would let you have that. If you were incapable, perhaps Menahem could have shoved an epilator in your pants? The spinning wheels of pubic hair grasping terror would hopefully have cracked that blank face. Oh well. So the movie ends. Its on a sad note because Pete is dead and also the movie is mad that the hostages they rescued are not being sufficiently grateful to Delta Force. What a weird mood to end on. "Damn those civilians for being joyful at being released instead of kissing the ground Delta Force walks on!" *DeltaForceBummerRemix.wav*
Its a real mess of a movie. Half of it is extremely servicable but its tied to a goofy action movie. The goofy action movie is brought down by being attached to a decent drama film that it doesn't match at all. Its a real mess. Luckily, Delta Force 2 is right around the bend.
Anyway, they're mobilized to rescue the hostages, and the President signs an order reinstating McCoy. You know, the guy who has been sitting around eating Bland on White Bread with no indication of any retention of skills. He's apparently a critical asset.
See, my mind immediately went to The Gone-Away World (awesome book, by the way), where the main character categorizes bureaucratic-mindedness/authoritarian inclinations on a scale; an insurance agent who legitimately thinks they're helping people and experiences significant internal conflict when confronted by evidence to the contrary, for example, is a 'type six pencilneck', someone who takes their subservience to the hierarchy as a given but still possesses enough humanity to notice, and be discomfited by, the moral cost of their subservience.
The lower the number, the more soulless, mechanical, and dehumanized the individual, going all the way down to the "type two pencilneck" who is essentially sociopathic and thus conforms perfectly to the incentives and presumptions of hierarchy.
A type one pencilneck, something which only exists as a hypothetical possibility, would be someone who has achieved a sort of transcendental state of oneness with the System, perfectly cleansing their mind and soul of any qualities other than those which are necessary for their function. There is no light behind the eyes of a Type One Pencilneck. When not performing their function within the hierarchy they serve, they do not engage in any form of pastime. After performing necessary maintenance rituals such as eating and bathing, the Type One Pencilneck assumes a seated position and waits until their services are required once more - they have long since sterilized any human desires or imperfections which would cause them to seek anything more.
Any humanizing characteristics they may evince while 'on the job' are purely cosmetic, a necessary performance to avoid the negative impact that their devoid nature might have on their capacity to perform necessary social tasks such as interpersonal networking and PR.
I remember Delta Force. I don't remember it well, which is apparently just as good. I do remember even as a 10 year old being bored and annoyed with how shitty the movie was, though. And when you've got a motorcycle with rockets and automatic weapons in the movie, and you're still boring the 10 year olds, you've really failed.
I remember Delta Force. I don't remember it well, which is apparently just as good. I do remember even as a 10 year old being bored and annoyed with how shitty the movie was, though. And when you've got a motorcycle with rockets and automatic weapons in the movie, and you're still boring the 10 year olds, you've really failed.
I have vague memories of this being the case with... basically any Chuck Norris movie that aired on Polish TV when I was a kid? Like, "oh wow it's CORDELL WALKER in this movie aweso- oh no this is boring"
I did not think it was possible for a human being to have that poor taste. And I can't tell if this is Norris lacking any capacity for human emotion, or him actually being a good actor.
But the blades on the helicopter that goes boom are bent before it goes boom. Why are they bent? Helicopters do not work that way!
I realize now I made a mistake for years: I thought Delta Force was the good Chuck Norris movie that Cannon made. It was easy to make this mistake given that the sequel is super compressed Velveeta and the third entry can be only charitably described as a movie. Plus, what is its competition for the title of "Best Cannon Norris Film?" Missing in Action? Invasion USA? Hellbound? All the movies that you forget about until you see them listed and go "Oh yeah, the one where he's simultaneously undercover as a vicious mob enforcer while also mentoring an inner city youth.". The competition wasn't exactly stiff.
Does Forest Warrior count? Because while it is goofy and horribly racist in so many ways at the same time it kinda-sorta had a good idea. In the same way Captain Planet had a good idea.
Hey sorry for the delay, had a couple things happen:
Been back to work and hitting it pretty hard
My fiance got laid off unfortunately and we've been spending some time on that because that's terrifying.
I have been absolutely exhausted and trying to keep my mental health up through painting and personal time.
Hey sorry for the delay, had a couple things happen:
Been back to work and hitting it pretty hard
My fiance got laid off unfortunately and we've been spending some time on that because that's terrifying.
I have been absolutely exhausted and trying to keep my mental health up through painting and personal time.
Well i was going to work on it tonight but then I went to the hospital because my body hates me but I've been discharge and should have it hopefully in the next two days.
