I have a minor correction here. While re-looking the thing up, I learned that Alex Jones simply handled publicity and did not direct the film. Still a sign of its... "quality".
Amerigeddon is the kind of movie that you declare to be the comedy of the year and the creator goes "But this is serious" and you narrow your eyes suspiciously at him.
"You're fucking with me right? This movie is hilarious, nobody could take this seriously."
"I am trying to tell you about important things!"
And then you just start laughing right in their face.
Amerigeddon is a movie that isn't for you. I can safely say that, because not only is it made for a niche audience of crazy people, its out of touch with those crazy people. All the reviews on its web page are butchered blurbs from pre-release interviews or profiles. Several of those are quotes from the director talking about his own movie to the site that he tags as the originator. They couldn't find anyone niche to review this movie and go "Yeah, this movie is of acceptable quality and makes sense." in a year where people look at Donald Trump and go "Yes, this man is the best choice for the country, no other will do"
"...a movie..." -Wall Street Journal
I scrolled through the list, and there is not one serious review of the movie that they could find to promote it. People will tolerate absolute garbage if it appeals to their niche interests and this movie looks like Tommy Wiseau directed a Red Dawn remake. The CGI is so low quality and so badly composited that I feel like I should have had to fuck around with DivX because I spent 3 hours downloading this six minute video but there isn't even a single Star Destroyer or White Star in sight. A satellite off Turbosquid was probably half the effects budget, this movie looks bad. Had they just cut a check to The Asylum they would have gotten a better movie, and I mean that seriously, because this is a movie that can't afford fire. Also the Asylum's faith based movie division gave us this, which both exists and is a thing, because apparently @Admiral Skippy is their ideas man.
I'm probably front loading this review a bit because going into details almost feels like giving away the punch line to a joke. I wasn't lying when I said it was the best comedy of the year, because its fucking hilarious. To quote Roger Ebert on the basic premise of comedy:
"People trying to be funny are never as funny as people trying to be serious and failing. The laughs have to seem forced on unwilling characters by the logic of events. A man wearing a funny hat is not funny. But a man who doesn't know he's wearing a funny hat ... ah, now you've got something."
This movie does not realize its hat is funny. It is absolutely dedicated to getting its message out and delivering it in the most ham fisted way possible. People don't speak like human beings, they vomit Info Wars headlines at each other. The head of the UN, Not Hans Blix, talking to his assistant about weakening resistance in the United States says that people won't resist "after their family is sent to the FEMA Death Camps." and that's not supposed to be a joke. The movie closest to Amerigeddon in tone and content is probably actually Black Dynamite. Just replace nefarious dick shrinking motherfuckers with taking your guns, and as I type that sentence it occurs to me that it's exactly like Black Dynamite. The problem of course is that Black Dynamite is a loving parody of Blaxploitation films, while this is a movie that locks its doors if it sees Colin Powell in the next car over.
So alright, I need to describe the movie without just vomiting all the parts that make me laugh, which is everything, but here it goes: Amerigeddon is about the secret UN plan to take over America, as part of its plan of killing everyone in Africa, Asia and South America in the name of vaguely defined globalism and human rights. The Federal Government is of course in on it and in fact every president for the last 50 years has not only been a part of the conspiracy but also directly chosen by the UN. Yes, this is a global conspiracy that looked at Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford, steepled their fingers and went "Excellent, they will do nicely." The few Patriots that try to fight this (((global conspiracy))) are of course labeled Right Wing Extremists by the mainstream media. This is per the UN's orders to the MSM, as told to us by the two UN conspirators sitting in on what the movie assures us is a "senate committee" or more accurately, "Conference room 3 at the Abilene Holiday Inn Express".
The arch good guy is the one trying to plead with them to stop the UN, a rich guy with no job who owns a Democratic state senator. He's the spoke on this wheel of crazy, there to deliver factoids and work the short wave exposition radio. The other main characters are The Good Conservative Girl, The Liberal Girl, uhhh...the aforementioned state senator played by Alex Jones, Mom Who Is Always Wrong and Cancer Grandma. Don't worry about Cancer Grandma, she rejected modern medicine in favor of faith, so she'll be alright. Lastly, there is the Good Soldier Dude who is part of the 7 man strong US Armed forces, commanded by Marshall "I Fucked Guys Like You In Prison" Teague, who is given his final test by the UN: Talking to a Chinese and a Soviet (!?) Colonel and saluting them. My god, proper respect for officers, the thing that you're supposed to do if captured much less with a country you are not actively involved in a war with? Thanks Obama.
So Col Roadhouse is training the army to take peoples guns away, in the urban training center of "A neighborhood that let us film in it", which involves using liberal collaborators to root out the "patriotic" Americans with guns at the behest of the UN. One of his men is shot in the dick with a paintgun by a simulated conservative who he proceeds to viciously attack because he forgot he was in an exercise and thought one of his men had actually had his dick shot off. This is our other protagonist, a guy who literally has problems with distinguishing reality from fiction. The dick shooting conservative however, is just a liberal actor helping the UN train people for Operation Thanks Obama, and my favorite part of the movie might be this guys imdb page.
There is nothing I can say here
Oh yeah, he's one of three black dudes in the movie, two of whom are with the UN and the third is the token black conservative that doesn't know how a gun works despite being a police officer and is promptly shot in the face and never remarked on again. This movie could have used way more DragonKing, is what I'm saying, and they should have just made this guy a main character because how can you not?
Where was I? Oh right, the plot. The UN detonates an EMP over America and bad things happen. The 7 soldiers that make up the visible armed forces are gunned down by the Chinese but the protagonist escapes on a motorcycle and must begin a cross state journey back as society collapses in about an hour. Most Americans only have three days of food the movie explains, which is a factoid that probably exists to sell preparedness kits rather than anything that explains things. Within the day they are eating each other in Chicago and at the university where Liberal Girl Does Liberal Things, gangs of rapists in luchador masks are running around with axes, stepping on fliers advising women to fight for their rights. Take that Planned Paranthood. Don't worry though, she gets rescued by her father Alex Jones who is riding along in a helicopter with the real protagonist whose name I keep forgetting because it doesn't matter and the good conservative girl who they try to make into some sort of Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2 character, but don't worry, when the men folk get involved she'll be useless later and be Linda Hamilton 30 minutes before the first movie starts.
So everyone gets together at the millionaire's house, except for Senator Alex Jones who is told to go tell Austin to secede from the United States, as they force a confrontation with the UN with a secret recording saying that the UN is taking over, which could ruin everything. Why, if not stopped he could release it to the UN controlled media who have an audience of approximately nobody because America was EMPed 2 days ago! All their plans, foiled. But, this confrontation is coming, as the full force of the UN's 4 vehicles descends on them and they will politely ask if they can arrest him and by god, good patriots won't let that kind of violence go unanswered!
I'm glossing over a lot here because the comedy is in the details, but this movie is amazing to watch. Its infinitely riffable; from the bad production, bad writing, insane premise and bizarre casting. This is a movie that tells you that you can find out cheap ways to build Faraday cages while not actually having the budget to put up one. A movie that predicates itself on a violent UN takeover that as shown is overwhelmingly polite and keeps asking to let them in please, come on guys. A movie that has a final battle between two rented helicopters that they couldn't attach anything to, despite one of them being a gunship. A movie that has a guy who's basically Ted Kazinski be the Obi-Wan to the young soldier protagonist.
It's the perfect movie to get a bunch of friends together and riff over drinks. This is going to be my go to riffing movie for a while, as there is just so much to mock and I recommend it to anyone that enjoys making fun of movies with friends or their UN Shadow Government Handlers.
Within the day they are eating each other in Chicago and at the university where Liberal Girl Does Liberal Things, gangs of rapists in luchador masks are running around with axes, stepping on fliers advising women to fight for their rights.
Had they just cut a check to The Asylum they would have gotten a better movie, and I mean that seriously, because this is a movie that can't afford fire. Also the Asylum's faith based movie division gave us this, which both exists and is a thing, because apparently @Admiral Skippy is their ideas man.
My latest screenplay, The Guardian, focuses on a brave Caucasian Ovcharka who has to lead a bus full of children stranded in the wilds of Darkest America* back to safety, and is currently still in development.
*(Still need to narrow down the location, but most of your country is essentially a godless wilderness so it shouldn't be that hard.)
The dick shooting conservative however, is just a liberal actor helping the UN train people for Operation Thanks Obama, and my favorite part of the movie might be this guys imdb page.
Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin
Naal ok zin los vahriin
Wah dein vokul mahfaeraak ahst vaal
Ahrk fin norok paal graan
Fod nust hon zindro zaan
Dovahkiin, fah hin kogaan mu draal
Speaking as someone who's grandfather has cancer (Long story short, selling cigarettes in the '60s has some downsides apparently), they can go right ahead and feck off.
I misread that as Armageddon (The Bruce Willis disaster movie), and was rather confused for the first paragraph before I realized what you were actually talking about.
Oh, if you find this hilarious and something to riff while drunk, I suggest taking a look at any of Neil Breen's films. They're works of sheer Breen-ius, and teach you valuable lessons in how to become a Real Human Breentm.
This is seriously the best review the movie could ever have in terms of raising interest in it. People are going to watch this just to see the acting career of a dude named Jordan DragonKing.
It's also the greatest condemnation of this movie, that it isn't entirely about the life of a guy named Jordan DragonKing.
Oh, if you find this hilarious and something to riff while drunk, I suggest taking a look at any of Neil Breen's films. They're works of sheer Breen-ius, and teach you valuable lessons in how to become a Real Human Breentm.
