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I will admit a fondness for it due to never having read the actual comics so there was nothing for it to "defile" and I could just enjoy it as an action movie also "YOU BETRAYED DEH LAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"
 
Athene said:
So I'm sorry if this review seems scattershot, I was trying to condense a movie that's too short for its content into an even shorter medium while also trying to explain what in the fuck we just watched.
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After reading this I'm twice as happy as before my mom didn't watch the movie when it came up on a plane last year.
 
If you want a movie that randomly introduces Nirvana songs properly:

Also the best Bugs Bunny entirely live action feature ever made, of course.
 
LIGHTNING ROUND

I have a bunch of movies that we watched but didn't talk about because they might not be an entire full length review worth to talk about in a cohesive manner so let's go down through a bunch of them!

Rocketeer: I saw this movie when I was 7 and it effected everything I have ever written since. All American hero Cliff gets his hands on an experimental rocket pack and finds himself knee deep in gangsters, Feds and Nazis while also trying to repair his damaged relationship with his best girl. I saw this before Raiders, so this movie gave me a life time love of everything pulpy. After watching it Circe turned to me and went "This movie is completely you, it just needed the Nazis to be gorillas to be your Spirit of the Century Game." A way underappreciated movie, if you own it get the custom blu-Ray cover that uses the original poster work rather than the bland on toast current covers.

Hard Target: The moment that should sell you on Hard Target is when JCVD flips open his duster like he's going to quick a draw a gun but instead snap kicks a dude in the face. Its John Woos first movie in America and it was a disaster but its so god damn good. It's a Hot Mess of an action movie and flips around into instant classic. Lance Hendrickson eats approximately all the scenery in the world as the villain who organizes urban hunts in New Orleans and JCVD is a streetwise Cajun cowboy merchant marine homeless kickboxing mean motherfucker that obliterates his entire organization with John Woo gunplay and amazing kicks. Pretty Standard Really. Its a John Woo movie with JCVD, something that won't happen again because they hate each other because of this movie.

Lethal Weapon 2: "DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY" yells the South African diplomat as he opens fire with a pistol. A movie that's a time capsule to the 80s, when we thought Japan would buy the world and Mel Gibson could spend two hours calling other people racist while maintaining credibility. American ignorance is a plot point as people routinely fail to connect these "funny accents" and Krugerands with the nation of South Africa for half the runtime. Glover and Gibson have amazing chemistry together and if you just made them gay they would be one of the best romances in an 80s action movie. Its a classic, just not one my girlfriend had seen of course :V

3:10 to Yuma (2007 version): I saw this back to back with Shoot Em Up on opening night back in the day and what a contrast that was! 3:10 To Yuma is a character driven western with existential themes/messages, and Shoot Em Up is a movie in which you show you can combine Coitus with gun battles. Russell Crowe is amazing as the charming, disarming and somewhat honorable Ben Wade and he is the center of this movies universe. Characters are defined in contrast to him, in how they treat him and what they think of him. He's complicated and engaging and the rest of the cast, including fellow angry actor Christian Bale, make this is a winner albeit without the impact of the original. Being good sucks, especially because you might get used to it.

Gods of Egypt: Yes, yes it is white washed. I do not support white washing in any form and I support the hiring of minority actors to play representative characters. All that being said, I actually really enjoyed this movie in a Cotton Candy way. Its not Egypt but "Egypt" which exists on a Discworld floating in space as Ra and the thousands of miles long Apophis do constant battle. Set is an angry Glaswegian who is miffed that he doesn't get everything he wants and so he starts offing Egyptian gods and jamming their body parts into himself to make himself into the Egyptian Voltron. He turns the Egyptian afterlife into a 1% club and anyone who fails to acquire enough Dosh has their soul obliterated. Osiris gets tanked after getting his ass kicked in the Tutorial but a thief named Bek steals back his eye because his girlfriend believes in Osiris and his ideals of an Egalitarian Afterlife where everyone will be equal. Thus begins the unofficial Soulsborne movie as Osiris whines to Ra about not being strong enough to face Set and Ra tells him he better get good scrub. After a number of boss battles, he powers up thanks to the power of friendship that he learned along the way and stomps a fucking hole in Set for killing all the other gods and then going a bit kill crazy after that. The moment that Gwynn Ra starts firing laser beams as a giant sandworm made of shadow on a boat flying along the stars, you know this isn't quite Egyptian myth and more likely some sort of like, Dan Simmons Olympos shit. Doesn't excuse the white washing, but a good time will be had if you shut down some higher functions.

Murder By Death: God I love this movie. My parents have had this VHS since the 80s and its an amazing send up of famous mystery detectives. Everyone is perfect, nothing is wrong with this movie. Sam Spade Diamond's entire run defending his heterosexuality ("I never did anything with a man I wouldn't do with a woman!") after its revealed he's gay/bisexual and a crossdresser ("I was in disguise, lots of dames go in those joints!") is among the best moments in a very great movie. Peter Falk ("I HATE THEM QUEERYS"), David Niven, Truman Fucking Capote, Peter Sellers, Alec Guinness, James Coco, etc. This is a movie that rips on Charlie Chan for being a racist character by having Truman Capote unable to handle his engrish, resorting yelling "USE YOUR GODDAMN ARTICLES AND PREPOSITIONS" at him, and having a series on incredibly unlikely twists while mocking how much the mystery genre cheats. A fucking classic.

Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak: Dangerously French, it's what happens when Just Jaeckin (No really, that's his name people who don't follow French Skin Flicks) does a typical 80s adventure movie knock off. We're split on doing a full review of this one because its crazy but my "copy" was missing subtitles on the beginning and a lot of it is unscreenshottable. Gwendolyn (Tawny Kitaen) and her Maid (Who Carries so hard in this movie) are trying to find a butterfly that is her fathers legacy. Along the way there will be drugs, diamonds, lost civilizations and plenty of grappling hook related fatalites as her and the Love Interest seek to know Is This Love as Here We Go Again (These are Tawny Kitaen Jokes, sorry I'm saving A Game material for if I do this movie)

Warriors Way: I think I might be the only person that saw it and liked it before Circe did. So there's at least two of us I guess. Its Lone Wolf and Cub meets Western as the greatest swordsman in the world refuses to take the life of an infant who is the last of an enemy clan and becomes hunted by his own people, fleeing to the old west and a town of circus performers that are beset by bandits. I think this movie Works. Geoffrey Rush has a great narration and the movie is stylistic as hell. The action is pretty decent in an over the top way and the costume work is splendid, as the bandits look especially unique. This movie seems all but forgotten though and it has bad critical and audience scores so I dunno, it could just be that it works for me and my partner. Not going to be saying its good but its really damn fun.

LIGHTNING ROUND 1 OVER
 
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Athene said:
LIGHTNING ROUND

I have a bunch of movies that we watched but didn't talk about because they might not be an entire full length review worth to talk about in a cohesive manner so let's go down through a bunch of them!

Rocketeer: I saw this movie when I was 7 and it effected everything I have ever written since. All American hero Cliff gets his hands on an experimental rocket pack and finds himself knee deep in gangsters, Feds and Nazis while also trying to repair his damaged relationship with his best girl. I saw this before Raiders, so this movie gave me a life time love of everything pulpy. After watching it Circe turned to me and went "This movie is completely you, it just needed the Nazis to be gorillas to be your Spirit of the Century Game." A way underappreciated movie, if you own it get the custom blu-Ray cover that uses the original poster work rather than the bland on toast current covers.

Hard Target: The moment that should sell you on Hard Target is when JCVD flips open his duster like he's going to quick a draw a gun but instead snap kicks a dude in the face. Its John Woos first movie in America and it was a disaster but its so god damn good. It's a Hot Mess of an action movie and flips around into instant classic. Lance Hendrickson eats approximately all the scenery in the world as the villain who organizes urban hunts in New Orleans and JCVD is a streetwise Cajun cowboy merchant marine homeless kickboxing mean motherfucker that obliterates his entire organization with John Woo gunplay and amazing kicks. Pretty Standard Really. Its a John Woo movie with JCVD, something that won't happen again because they hate each other because of this movie.

Lethal Weapon 2: "DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY" yells the South African diplomat as he opens fire with a pistol. A movie that's a time capsule to the 80s, when we thought Japan would buy the world and Mel Gibson could spend two hours calling other people racist while maintaining credibility. American ignorance is a plot point as people routinely fail to connect these "funny accents" and Krugerands with the nation of South Africa for half the runtime. Glover and Gibson have amazing chemistry together and if you just made them gay they would be one of the best romances in an 80s action movie. Its a classic, just not one my girlfriend had seen of course :V

3:10 to Yuma (2007 version): I saw this back to back with Shoot Em Up on opening night back in the day and what a contrast that was! 3:10 To Yuma is a character driven western with existential themes/messages, and Shoot Em Up is a movie in which you show you can combine Coitus with gun battles. Russell Crowe is amazing as the charming, disarming and somewhat honorable Ben Wade and he is the center of this movies universe. Characters are defined in contrast to him, in how they treat him and what they think of him. He's complicated and engaging and the rest of the cast, including fellow angry actor Christian Bale, make this is a winner albeit without the impact of the original. Being good sucks, especially because you might get used to it.

Gods of Egypt: Yes, yes it is white washed. I do not support white washing in any form and I support the hiring of minority actors to play representative characters. All that being said, I actually really enjoyed this movie in a Cotton Candy way. Its not Egypt but "Egypt" which exists on a Discworld floating in space as Ra and the thousands of miles long Apophis do constant battle. Set is an angry Glaswegian who is miffed that he doesn't get everything he wants and so he starts offing Egyptian gods and jamming their body parts into himself to make himself into the Egyptian Voltron. He turns the Egyptian afterlife into a 1% club and anyone who fails to acquire enough Dosh has their soul obliterated. Osiris gets tanked after getting his ass kicked in the Tutorial but a thief named Bek steals back his eye because his girlfriend believes in Osiris and his ideals of an Egalitarian Afterlife where everyone will be equal. Thus begins the unofficial Soulsborne movie as Osiris whines to Ra about not being strong enough to face Set and Ra tells him he better get good scrub. After a number of boss battles, he powers up thanks to the power of friendship that he learned along the way and stomps a fucking hole in Set for killing all the other gods and then going a bit kill crazy after that. The moment that Gwynn Ra starts firing laser beams as a giant sandworm made of shadow on a boat flying along the stars, you know this isn't quite Egyptian myth and more likely some sort of like, Dan Simmons Olympos shit. Doesn't excuse the white washing, but a good time will be had if you shut down some higher functions.

Murder By Death: God I love this movie. My parents have had this VHS since the 80s and its an amazing send up of famous mystery detectives. Everyone is perfect, nothing is wrong with this movie. Sam Spade Diamond's entire run defending his heterosexuality ("I never did anything with a man I wouldn't do with a woman!") after its revealed he's gay/bisexual and a crossdresser ("I was in disguise, lots of dames go in those joints!") is among the best moments in a very great movie. Peter Falk ("I HATE THEM QUEERYS"), David Niven, Truman Fucking Capote, Peter Sellers, Alec Guinness, James Coco, etc. This is a movie that rips on Charlie Chan for being a racist character by having Truman Capote unable to handle his engrish, resorting yelling "USE YOUR GODDAMN ARTICLES AND PREPOSITIONS" at him, and having a series on incredibly unlikely twists while mocking how much the mystery genre cheats. A fucking classic.

Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak: Dangerously French, it's what happens when Just Jaeckin (No really, that's his name people who don't follow French Skin Flicks) does a typical 80s adventure movie knock off. We're split on doing a full review of this one because its crazy but my "copy" was missing subtitles on the beginning and a lot of it is unscreenshottable. Gwendolyn (Tawny Kitaen) and her Maid (Who Carries so hard in this movie) are trying to find a butterfly that is her fathers legacy. Along the way there will be drugs, diamonds, lost civilizations and plenty of grappling hook related fatalites as her and the Love Interest seek to know Is This Love as Here We Go Again (These are Tawny Kitaen Jokes, sorry I'm saving A Game material for if I do this movie)

Warriors Way: I think I might be the only person that saw it and liked it before Circe did. So there's at least two of us I guess. Its Lone Wolf and Cub meets Western as the greatest swordsman in the world refuses to take the life of an infant who is the last of an enemy clan and becomes hunted by his own people, fleeing to the old west and a town of circus performers that are beset by bandits. I think this movie Works. Geoffrey Rush has a great narration and the movie is stylistic as hell. The action is pretty decent in an over the top way and the costume work is splendid, as the bandits look especially unique. This movie seems all but forgotten though and it has bad critical and audience scores so I dunno, it could just be that it works for me and my partner.

LIGHTNING ROUND 1 OVER
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Murder by Death was a goddamn movie supergroup. Except it didn't burn out like all the music ones did and instead gave us an all time classic.
 
Warriors Way is my jam, I thought my siblings and I were the only people who liked it.
 
Athene said:
LIGHTNING ROUND

I have a bunch of movies that we watched but didn't talk about because they might not be an entire full length review worth to talk about in a cohesive manner so let's go down through a bunch of them!

Rocketeer: I saw this movie when I was 7 and it effected everything I have ever written since. All American hero Cliff gets his hands on an experimental rocket pack and finds himself knee deep in gangsters, Feds and Nazis while also trying to repair his damaged relationship with his best girl. I saw this before Raiders, so this movie gave me a life time love of everything pulpy. After watching it Circe turned to me and went "This movie is completely you, it just needed the Nazis to be gorillas to be your Spirit of the Century Game." A way underappreciated movie, if you own it get the custom blu-Ray cover that uses the original poster work rather than the bland on toast current covers.
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Yeah, Rocketeer is quality - it fits perfectly into that same Twenties/Thirties Pulp movie universe that Indiana Jones inhabits.

I can't remember if it was you I recommended it to on IRC, but Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead is a great film in my opinion, tragically overlooked and often mischaracterised as a Tarantino clone, as while it uses the trappings of a crime flick, it's not actually a crime film, as such.
 
Athene said:
Rocketeer:
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I love The Rocketeer.

Murder By Death:
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You should watch The Cheap Detective too.

Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak: Dangerously French, it's what happens when Just Jaeckin (No really, that's his name people who don't follow French Skin Flicks) does a typical 80s adventure movie knock off.
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I refuse to believe that you aren't pulling our legs with that name.
 
Oh, another one I meant to recommend @Athene, for watching if not reviewing - The Long Good Friday.
A British gangster movie from the era before Guy Ritchie and his imitators started buggering about with the genre trying to turn them into comicbooks, with an absolute acting masterclass from Bob Hoskins, amongst others. The final scene in particular is just a classic.
Good for a double-bill with Get Carter (the original, mind!:anger:).
 
Ironanvil1 said:
Oh, another one I meant to recommend @Athene, for watching if not reviewing - The Long Good Friday.
A British gangster movie from the era before Guy Ritchie and his imitators started buggering about with the genre trying to turn them into comicbooks, with an absolute acting masterclass from Bob Hoskins, amongst others. The final scene in particular is just a classic.
Good for a double-bill with Get Carter (the original, mind!:anger:).
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Yeah I've seen both of those.
 
So rooough outline of what's coming next, sorry we've just been busy with a bunch of stuff

  • Aloha (Or at least I'll try, I've attempted to watch it several times and only got 20 minutes through, this movie is my Gallipoli)
  • Roar
  • He Never Died
  • The Hammer (If I can get ahold of it)
And so forth
 
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