As a reader not familiar with this exact episode of Stargate, the surrounding events are confusing and poorly explained
This one especially. I'm still not clear on exactly when this is. Is it the episode where Tanith was introduced or the one where he escaped and called for Apophis fleet? I'm guessing it's the last one because you have Apophis captured(though when did this happen? Did I miss a chapter or did you just go "I captured Apophis now!")but it's still not very clear.
 
Honestly the entire chapter just seems ... off.
  • As a reader not familiar with this exact episode of Stargate, the surrounding events are confusing and poorly explained
  • terrible terrible opsec (which admittedly is kind of standard for SG1) when they tell her about whoever this Tanith person is. Imagine if she had some other source of information, all she had to do was keep nodding like she knew what they were talking about as they spilled the beans
  • no "okay so why are you giving us gifts and who are 'the exiles'?"
This one especially. I'm still not clear on exactly when this is. Is it the episode where Tanith was introduced or the one where he escaped and called for Apophis fleet? I'm guessing it's the last one because you have Apophis captured(though when did this happen? Did I miss a chapter or did you just go "I captured Apophis now!")but it's still not very clear.
You're right. I'm going to add a section to the next chapter that should hopefully explain what's going and everything, rather than try and work it into this chapter and then have to get everyone to read it again.
 
Chapter 35
Chapter 35

3 August 2000

I sighed, watching the c-dox and c-fabbers moving throughout the vessel invisibly and silently. Well, almost invisibly. The jaffa could notice them if they were paying attention, but most of them were focusing their efforts on looking like they were paying attention. There's a reason most Tau'ri militaries don't make their soldiers stand guard for this long. So they didn't notice their attackers until they fired big honkin' balls of electricity and other stuff at them, knocking them out.

The technology was less advanced than the prototype mothership, so I guess I wasn't going to bother dumping it into a Research Core. And like all Goa'uld-designed (I hesitate to use the word "engineered") things, it was horrible. Like, the ring platforms had to be manually monitored and couldn't be locked down. I was worried that since this was the most advanced ship in Apophis's fleet, he might have come up with the idea of having a light on the bridge turn on whenever someone activated the rings, but apparently that was too advanced for him.

His loss, my gain. Now I had troops on his mothership and he didn't even know about it. I'd captured three-quarters of the ship already without an alarm going off. As was usual when I was doing this.

That's when I ran across Apophis's communication room. Apophis himself was just leaving. Well, who am I to turn down presents? Three zat grenades later, and he was on the ground. Grab a c-fabber, and have it fabricate a metal spike running through the parasite's spinal cord, fused into the host's vertebrae. No escaping for you.

Now, fabricate another life-support box, shove him into there, and kick it down to the nearest ring-transporter. Kicking the box was a VIP treatment that only the Goa'uld were getting. The jaffa had to settle for not getting additional bruised.

And the communications room, what was in there? Goa'uld communication technology. Hyperspace radio, less secure, less bandwidth, and more latency than ASM relays. Though it would have a list of contacts in it. I sent over a c-fabber to grab that information. Oh, this was a fancy model, that stored all the conversations that it facilitated.

So, as soon as I finished sweeping the ship, I would look at those. My teams of almost-invisible killbots moved on, capturing everyone with barely any incident, as was normal for this kind of operation.

A whole bunch of different people had communicated with him. I tried sorting by type: other system lords, his vassal Goa'uld, and his jaffa leaders. Those three categories took about three-quarters of the list.

In order to sort the rest, I started replaying the conversations for each unsorted contact. When that didn't work, because I got disgusted with the Goa'ulds' arrogance, I used speech-to-text conversion, and just used my parallel information absorption abilities to figure out what was said.

Hang on second. Tanith. That was the name of the guy who tried to be a spy but didn't know he got outplayed. Let's play back some of his conversations, since they are so hilarious. Shame he wasn't using a device that transmitted his face, since I didn't remember what he looked like. In fact I didn't remember his name until I happened across it.

"Your traitor
(probably Teal'c) initially suspected me, but the schismatics (probably the tok'ra) have defended me from his accusations. Even if he tries again, all that will happen is he will look like a fool."

"I have managed to determine the address of the world the schismatics are currently residing on. I would advise waiting until I can secure the device the tau'ri have given the schismatics in order to bypass the tau'ri's 'iris,' as well as the code needed to operate it."

"The tau'ri and schismatics are still uncertain who stole your mothership. Their agents among the other system lords have not had any success."

"I have been unable to determine who the agent in your court is. Apparently only one member of the schismatics actually knows who each member is, and they do not inform the others. If I attempt to find out, I may reveal myself."

Psst, this guy had no idea what was coming to him. Wonderful.


--------------------------
Hammond
--------------------------

"SG-1, SGC. Say again, SG-1, over." The general said, trying to make sure he heard that correctly.

"SGC, SG-1. Rachel captured Apophis, and she delivered him to us in a box. Still alive, and in his host. Over." Jack said over the radio.

"SG-1, SGC. Are you sure that it's Apophis in that host? Over" Hammond said.

"SGC, SG-1. We recognize the snakey bastard. Especially Teal'c. Over."

"SG-1, SGC. Did she say how she captured Apophis? Over."

"SGC, SG-1. She said she was sneaky and used something she called a zat grenade launcher. She showed it to us. It shoots this energy ball that explodes… in a lightningy way. She also made the launcher out of some purple mist thing in seconds."

"SG-1, SGC. That's troubling, but more important is getting Apophis to the Tok'ra so they can extract him from his host. See if she's interested in an alliance. Someone who managed to capture a system lord single-handedly would be a great asset. Over."

"SGC, SG-1. She didn't just capture Apophis, she managed to get every one of his vassals and underlings. Alive, she says. She apparently managed to set up a prison for the jaffa. Over."

"Well that's interesting." Hammon muttered to himself. "Taking prisoners is certainly unusual on such a large scale. Especially because it implies that no one died."

"SG-1, SGC, let me talk to her. Over." Hammond finally said over the channel.

"SGC, SG-1, gotcha. Over."

"Uh, SGC, Exile-1, uh hello?" Came an unknown voice over the radio after a minute. "Uh, over." Followed a moment later.

"This is General Hammond of the Stargate Command of Earth. You are Rachel Ezros of the Exiles, correct?" Hammond decided to abandon radio protocol, given that the newcomer didn't know it.

"Yes. So do you have questions for me?"

"Yes I do. My first question is what your price is?"

"Beg your pardon?"

"You're giving us a bunch of valuable prisoners. What are you trying to get?"

"Well, I was seeing if I could figure out how the Tok'ra did their Goa'uld extractions. We do have a bit of a list."

Hammond blinked. "Are you telling me that you plan to destroy the Goa'uld states across the galaxy?"

"Pretty much." Came across the channel, Rachel's voice indisputably smug. "The real trouble will be preventing whoever pops up in their place from lighting the place on fire."

"You do realize the Goa'uld won't like you doing that?" Hammond asked.

"I am a sneaky, cheating bastard. The Goa'uld will fall, the only questions are how long it'll take, and how much collateral damage there'll be." Her voice sounded somewhat bitter.

"And if the Goa'uld directly attack you?"

"General, we are being sneaky because we want to minimize collateral damage. In a straight fight, an Exile fleet could faceroll any Goa'uld fleet while broadcasting combat music over an open channel. We intend to wait before we do any more captures, in order to let them lower their guards, and for us to position more assets." Faceroll? That's an interesting phrase. Hammond thought.

"I see. So you managed to capture Apophis." Hammond thought about the intelligence briefings. "Did you manage to capture his ships?"

"If you're wondering if you could have them, they've already been broken down for resources. But yes, I did manage to capture them. Also, our analysis of the vessels shows they are equipped with failsafes in the controls. Attempting to use them directly might prove problematic."

"I see." The disassembly of the 301 flashed into his mind. "In that case, we would still be interested in acquiring any Goa'uld vessels you capture."

---------------------------
Rachel
--------------------------

"You do realize how much material there is in one ha'kesh, let alone a ha'tak, right? How would you pay for it?" I said. I really didn't need the resources, but I wanted it to appear that I was limited. Just giving ships away would be considered suspicious.

"We could work something out." Hammond said.

"Like what, resources?" I said. "The Earth system was mined out of naquadah and trinium by the Ancients. You have to import anything you need for shipbuilding." Apparently the Ancients settled on Earth because the system was rich in naquadah and trinium. That was then, and now the Earth system was completely bare of any resources the Tau'ri could use.

"We do have recovered technology." Hammond said. "Allowing you access to what we recovered might be interesting."

"I'll ask my research teams, but considering Goa'uld technology is inferior to ours…" I let him draw his own conclusions.

"We have also acquired Ancient and Furling technology." Hammond said.

"Hmm…. Yes, we are interested in Furling technology." No need to tell him I'd already sampled all the Furling tech they had recovered. Ceramic-based computing, similar to the processors used in my units. Heck, it was probably the most similar to my stuff. They had a heavy emphasis on their computing technology, and most of the teams had reported getting grilled by AIs on their psychology when they entered. I had avoided that by virtue of encasing the places in solid metal and boosting them into orbit to deal with later.

"Care to give us an exact exchange rate?"

"It probably depends on the exact technology." I said. "Though I will start saving the ships I capture."

"Alright. We should meet to discuss exact terms. Do you have time to meet now?"

"No." I said. "I have work that I've been leaving for long enough." I'd been watching Chrono for a couple days now and she was looking pretty stable. I hadn't intended for her to spend three hours researching human pain responses, but I was glad she had started to empathize with humans.

Now, time for space bug vampire hunting.
 
Nah, too merciful
When they're interrogating the Goauld, they should put Apophis on the nutraloaf.
Why would they bother to interrogate him?
She won't hold back that much!

Seriously, she won't. It's hilarious what she does for dealing with the Wraith. Not gonna say any more cause spoilers.
Oh, glad you thought it was good.
 
...so, I just came from Torroar's story, but I really hope Chrono doesn't turn out to be Zeta-lite. Too many feels.
FTFY
Doing that will reduce the number of hugs. So no, I'm not doing that.

The trauma will come from somewhere else. And it might seem a little out of nowhere.

Also has anyone figured out where Lindy and Chrono's names are from?
 
Oh, glad you thought it was good.
I've actually liked most of the story, just refrained from commenting over much on 'that's hilarious' and similar since I'm trying to beta it for you. And then I don't want to say things in the thread until they're actually here and then I skim cause I already read it and it's kinda a vicious cycle of not saying much about the subjective parts.
 
FTFY
Doing that will reduce the number of hugs. So no, I'm not doing that.

The trauma will come from somewhere else. And it might seem a little out of nowhere.

Also has anyone figured out where Lindy and Chrono's names are from?
Chrono Trigger ?
 
提督 Teitoku is the untranslated rank. Now, apparently that can be translated anywhere from "Senior captain, in charge of a squadron," to "admiral in charge of the home fleet."

Apparently the context for the title is similar to "Commodore" before it became an official rank of the British Navy - the captain in charge of a few ships.

Anyway, apparently one better translation is "Naval Force Commander," and another that I cannot find where I read it was "Sector Commander." Which is why Rachel picked it.
 
Chapter 36
Writing is going okay, I think. I found the soundtrack for the world I'm writing for right now. I'm going to keep posting on Wednesday permanently I think.

I need to zalgo-fy the parts I'm writing right now so... *shrugs*

I did find a cute image for the world though.
----------------------------
Chapter 36
16 August 2000

"First chevron encoded." I stated out loud, as the top chevron on Penta-6's Stargate ca-chunked, and the first chevron lit up. I was waiting in the embarkation room with a small army of c-fabbers, c-dox, buffalo, bison, and sparrows.

The ring spun again, and the top chevron ca-chunked again, and the second chevron lit up. "Second chevron, encoded." I stated.

"What are you doing, Mom?" Lindy asked me over the command network.

"Theater." I responded over the command network, not out loud. "Third chevron encoded." I stated aloud. Meanwhile, mist generators activated, spilling impressive-looking mist around the Stargate mountings. It was in no way needed, the same as my talking. But it looked cool.

"Fourth chevron encoded."

"Mom, I have often noted you behaving in unusual manners."

"Being weird is okay, Lindy." I said over the network. Hopefully she wouldn't bring up the chibi plane incident. "Fifth chevron encoded." I stated.

"You are stating that having unusual behavioral patterns is good?"

"Yeah, pretty much." I responded with a mental shrug. "Sixth chevron, encoded."

"Fascinating. But almost all cultures we have encountered will root out and attempt to remove people who have aberrant behavior. I have had to dissuade people on Nasya from banishing their fellow human beings."

"... I should have been paying more attention to Nasya."

"Do not worry. I find humans fascinating." Lindy said, and I could tell she was doing the Lindy-equivalent of grinning like a loon. "I am happy to watch over Nasya."

"Thanks." I smiled at her. "Seventh chevron, encoded." I stated.

"Good luck in Peg Dig." Lindy said.

"Thanks, Lindy." Despite her being quiet, she picked up human culture fast.

The Stargate spun to put the origin symbol, a pair of straight U's with a dot between them, right at the top. Ca-chunk.

"Eighth chevron locked." I stated. Hopefully the hack I had done to the gate would let Penta-6's gate connect to Atlantis's as if it was Earth's original gate.

Ka-woosh.

Great. Either my hack had worked, or the Atlantis gate hadn't had a lockout to prevent anyone besides Earth from dialing in.

"Wormhole established." I stated, then swept my hand out dramatically. "The Atlantis expedition will now commence!" I held the pose, then ordered a buffalo into the gate.

After an agonizing moment waiting for it to emerge, I received a signal from it. Well, that was certainly a larger room than the one in the show. I could fit my entire group and my Commander body in there. No lights on, like that was a problem for my sensor systems. There was a small control center at the top of a set of stairs against the far wall. In the ceiling was a hatch for puddle jumpers to drop through, and it was a hexagonal iris just like they had in the show.

Well, that's good, I guess. I sent through my entire group, including my avatar, to Atlantis. I'd follow as soon as the teleporter was finished. I wasn't concerned about getting smushed by the water, since my chassis was rated for operation with 20 kilometers of water on top of it. And if there was really a problem, I could fabricate a solid shell around my chassis to enable it to survive even deeper.

Which was good, because my core was in it, and I was stuck in it. No software AI transfer for me, a being of attocircuitry. If I lost my core, I was dead. No respawns, no switching into another chassis. Boom, that's it.

Fortunately, getting crushed by water was low on my concerns. I stepped through the completed teleporter. Now even if the Stargate cut out, I would be fine. But with the amount of power and stored energy I had at my disposal, I had hours left before I would have to close the Stargate. Time for me to take advantage of all the mass and particles I had on the other side.

With Atlantis's shield holding back the water from the tower walls, I sent my fabbers out by reclaiming the window. Meanwhile, the teleporter disgorged Gulls, Vengeances, and other full-sized units. I filtered through the sensor data, looking for the point where it looked like Atlantis's waterline was. After noting the lack of balconies below a certain height, I built a naval factory, and started using it to crank out submarine fabbers. I did have designs for those, despite them not having them in-game.

They dropped out of the factory's grav cushion, through the shield and into the water. And oh crap, there isn't any seafloor. Atlantis is resting on density variation. At the bottom of the city-ship, the water is 70% denser than usual, and at the top it's 32% denser. On average, with the city's midline 73 kilometers below the surface, the water is about 50% denser. My subs are still well within their pressure range, but anything else pretty much is out of luck. I have some of my fabbers build a solid shell around my chassis. Time to prepare.

One sub is going up to the surface to build a floating orbital launcher. Time to get recon data and all of the resources from other worlds in the system. In the meantime, my fabbers moved around inside the shield. Time to raise Atlantis.

Which I'm not sure how to do. Good thing I have still have a few hours left with a Stargate connecting me instantly to Penta-6 with its trillions of research cores. I should build one here, too. So, raising a city that masses 147 trillion tons about 90 kilometers through water. And I don't have hard stats on its integrity in regards to being moved around.

There might be a mechanism for raising the city built in. So, time to explore the city. Good thing Commanders can integrate data a lot faster than any organic being. Atlantis is actually a fractal snowflake 72 kilometers across. Not the hodgepodge of random towers that they presented in the show.

The main tower is 36 kilometers tall, half of that below the platforms of the city. It looks about a kilometer across at the top, and swells in hexagonal rooftops to a dozen kilometers across at the platforms.

The struts connecting the towers are massive fins that connect to half the length of each tower, massive bulky shapes filled with all sorts of crawl spaces and machinery.

Each stage of the fractal snowflake is half the size of the previous one. However, they all look the same, groups of hexagonal towers, some with a sharply sloping roof like the central tower does.

I check the underside, noting the arrangement of the sublight thrusters. Very nice. There were some solid, flat panels near them, that on closer inspection were definitely designed to be load-bearing structures. So maybe I could attach rockets to those, and use those to lift the city up? I do have a design for a hydrogen fusion rocket and I can use electrolysis to get hydrogen from water, which means the engines won't get above the water.

Or I could just generate a gravwell and use its gravity-neutralizing properties to reduce the weight of the city. I seem to miss an awful lot of simple solutions. You know you're a Stellar Siege Commander when "turn off gravity" is the simple option.

Connect to the research network, develop a networkable generator that I can use to create arbitrary fields, and begin the building process. Gulls swarmed to the edges of the city, and my subs at the surface moved out of the way of the projected emergence spot of the city. It's go time.

With that handed over to my subsystems, I need to figure out how to turn off the shields and add my own energy plants to the power grid of the city. I should save ZPM charge for when I really need it, like when I'm trying to move the city somewhere or I need full shields.

My c-fabbers step forward. I've modified their hands so that they can switch to having five dexterous fingers instead of three beefy ones. They start poking at the door controls. One of them manages to open the door to the gate control room, and c-doxes enter the room, sweeping it with line-of-sight sensors. No sense in not being cautious. Nothing here except the consoles. One of them was powered up.

I started moving more units around, trying to open doors. But pretty much the entire place was locked down. So, time for nanomachines, son. I had the c-fabbers reclaim the areas around the doors to access the wiring, then slapped a photovoltaic converter and power transceiver on the power cables.

Progenitor units use optical power and control systems. Immune to EMP, very low heating in processors, less sensitive to noise, all sorts of benefits. Also, making an asymmetric-reaction energy plant that produces electricity is a pain and a half. Meanwhile, the Ancients - or Lanteans, I guess, use optical control signals but electric power.

That was putting me about 30 seconds per door. It was going to take me a while to get through everything. Except for the entire exponentially growing army thing. And since Atlantis was a giant fractal snowflake, I had a free guide on how to use my expanding army to search it.

My teams made it into the top of the main tower. A massive, massive control center. At the center, on an elevated section, was a trio of seats for the commanding officers. There were also six control chairs. Six of them. I guess managing the city was that hard.

Surrounding them on a slightly lower section was a few dozen consoles of various types. It looked like they used holographic screens.

And surrounding that, on the lowest level, was a few hundred terminals. Solid screens, arranged in neat rows and grids, and with the same keyboard setup on every one. Data monitoring, I guess. And to think I could do the work of this entire room by myself, and still manage an entire solar system's economy while still leaving me very, very bored.

And only one console was powered on. I had my fabbers walk up to it and look at it. It was shield control.

Well, I knew what to do once I had Atlantis on the surface. In the meantime, I continued my exploration of the city. I ignored labs for the most part, simply stationing a couple c-fabbers and c-doxes in each one. The c-fabbers were to investigate eventually, and the c-dox were for shooting any morons that snuck in here and wanted to activate the goddamn exploding tumor machine.

I was going to wait until Atlantis was on the surface and unshielded before I started poking at the labs. Best not to be doing it under a power constraint.
 
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Why not just strip the whole thing down for metal? It's not like it's a good enough design to keep around, or has anything impossible to reproduce.

EDIT - After you reverse engineer everything obviously.
 
because having a Lantian city-ship is cool.
it's rightfully-ninja'd swag. plus, she can use it to bribe Earth or the Asgard or something.
here's a thought: you should check and see if future-Weir is stuck in stasis in one of the back rooms. because wibbly-wobbly.
also, I'm eagerly awaiting GLORIOUS SOLARCOMMANDER DIPLOMACY on the Asurans. that's gonna be HILARIOUS.
 
Why not just strip the whole thing down for metal? It's not like it's a good enough design to keep around, or has anything impossible to reproduce.

EDIT - After you reverse engineer everything obviously.

I'm probably being overly dramatic, but to me it sounded like "Hey, why not scrap Cutty Sark for wood? It's not like she's doing anything useful."
 
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...ngggggh. Dammit. I might copy your entrance strategy for Atlantis. It's neat, elegant, but just enough brute force. And it's better than going "Hey, exploration fleet. Go into hyperspace that-a-way and tell me if you make it to pegasus" and then hope you manage to find a pegasus stargate to link up with and hope that Atlantis is on its canon world.

I hate copying other people. I really should write my next chapter...
 
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