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Life With the Ship Girls, or, How I Learned How to Stop Worrying and Love the Polygamy

Reader mode
Well.
That was something.
Here's my first real snip, might as well try and catch up.
---
"Look..I know you're probably confused right now..."

"Confused?! Are you fucking kidding me?! YOU. WERE. DEAD. Killed by a fucking nuke!.....This doesn't make any sense...."`

"Can...Can I explain, at least?"

"*Sigh*....Go ahead."

The next hour of my life was spent listening to Lui, or more accurately now; Louisville, tell the tale of her own. She started at her summoning, talking about how she stumbled into Norfolk without having half a damn clue of what she was doing besides reporting for duty. She told me about meeting her two sisters, Northampton and Chester, again after...sixty? Seventy years? She told me about every single conflict she was in and described what she witnessed in rather close detail. By hallway through the tale, I was horrified. I knew that the Abyssal War was brutal....My Dad was at Pearl when it got a second dose of hell..but hearing it from a Fleet Girl...one of the more active ones no less...

Well, I...I just didn't know what to say.

She finished the story with her death...faked as it may be. Apparently, the USN and JSDF wanted to the people to think all the girls had died for some bullshit security reasons, even going as far as to keep them on bases in separate facilities just to avoid attention from the public eye. Some were even given whole new identities and were allowed to go back into the world...she told me about one girl, Bismarck, who lived in Canada now.

"Stop...I believe you."

"R-Really? You do?.."

"Yep. But I have one last question."

"Y-Yeah, go ahead!"

"What do you know about me?"

She then listed off my name, phone number, street address, PO box, the Collage I went to, and even my family members right down to their names and ages.

She excluded dad.

I think I know why.
 
When I came out of The Valley, the map's central caldera was the usual dogfight of Red and Blue cruisers and destroyers, with the looming shape of a Kongō-class BB coming up from the south, flanked by a pair of Tenryū cruisers. Even as I watched, three shells from the battleship's forward turrets hammered into a Blue Atlanta, one of them a cit-pen by the way it ate almost half the CL's health in an instant, and a storm of HE from the Tenryūs set it ablaze fore and aft as it tried to find cover. Instead of lingering on Cap B, though, the three-ship formation kept moving north at high speed, the light cruisers delivering the coup de grâce to the burning Atlanta in passing.

They're after the carriers! I might have felt worse about that if said carriers had been doing anything productive for the team's chances, but with two fresh flights of SBDs coming my way, I found it hard to be heart-broken.

(00:29) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : 1 BB 2 CLs going up the centre
(00:29) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : headed for the CVs I can't reach 'em
(00:29) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : can anyone else block?
(00:29) Aroha4All (Hipper) : nah, **** 'em, bro
(00:29) yuhuang38472 (Pensacola) : they think they so awesome they can prove it
(00:29) ManilaVanilla (Colorado) : you say that while dodging their DBs?
(00:29) ManilaVanilla (Colorado) : you're a better man than I Gunga Din
(00:29) NightFury22 [CLOAK] (Lexington) : **** this team u all suck
(00:29) ManilaVanilla (Colorado) : they can swing for all I care
(00:30) WillieDee71 (Fletcher) : RALSTON BREAK RIGHT!

Dammit, I forgot about the DDs! I snapped my eyes to the mini-map, saw the threat, and heeled into a hard starboard turn, nearly combing the double-spread of Mk.16s from DaggerCyclone's Fletcher; I took one on the bow, but it was better than five in the side, especially since no flooding followed. As I rode out the hit, WillieDee came around behind him and me — She was the Fletcher in the Alley? Did she follow me through The Valley? She must've had a free shot at my back, why didn't she take it? — and ripped into the CLOAKer's back-end with her forward five-inchers, wrecking his steering gear and engines. A single tight spread of her own fish, five hits from five, finished the job of obliterating my supposed team-mate, even as her AA tore into the circling SBDs once again.

(00:30) WillieDee71 (Fletcher) has achieved Devastating Strike
(00:30) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : thanks Willie - great snapshot!
(00:30) ManilaVanilla (Colorado) : #rekt his ass, Willie!
(00:30) DaggerCyclone [CLOAK] (Fletcher) : **** u Ralston u set me up
(00:30) WillieDee71 (Fletcher) : Not a snapshot
(00:30) Aroha4All (Hipper) : ******* OWNED!!!
(00:30) HammerTime [CLOAK] (Lexington) : what side r u on, Ralston
(00:30) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Your hypocrisy beggars belief, Hammer
(00:30) WillieDee71 (Fletcher) : I hate bullies

With that, she peeled off to the north, probably looking to link up with the strike on the carriers.

(00:31) WillieDee71 (Fletcher) : GLHF
(00:31) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : fair winds sailor

I let her go. She'd had my back against CLOAK the whole way through the Alley, I owed her that much. The Red Phoenix that came into the caldera, though? I didn't know him, I didn't owe him anything. And all my turrets were back in action.

(00:32) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Shouldn't a Phoenix, y'know, be on fire?

I walked my shots along his length, starting fires on his bow and upperworks. And when they flickered out, and his first shots came my way, I S-turned to throw off his aim and did it again, setting his midships and superstructure ablaze even as an AP round went clean through my bow without detonating. Yay for overpenetration!

(00:32) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : There, that's better!
(00:32) VictoryOrDebt (Phoenix) : Oh, you suck
(00:32) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Cheer up
(00:32) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : You'll probably do it to me next game
(00:33) Tatsuda22 [FOG] (Tenryu) : Carriers in sight. The battle begins!
(00:33) Fog_Battleship_Hiei [FOG] (Kongo): All batteries, commence firing!
(00:33) Stormy_Knight [CLOAK] (Fletcher) : CVs under attack HELP
(00:33) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : Fufufu - ya scared?
(00:33) Aroha4All (Hipper) : like you CLOAK ******** have helped US so far? die burning
(00:33) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : After the way you've been treating my friend? YOU SHOULD BE!
(00:33) NightFury22 [CLOAK] (Lexington) : FFS TEAMS WE NEED HELP BACK HERE
(00:33) ManilaVanilla (Colorado) : as ye have sown, so shall ye reap

(00:34) WillieDee71 (Fletcher) has achieved Clear Skies

(00:34) WillieDee71 (Fletcher) : FEED ME MORE PLANES!

(00:34) CloakWard71 [CLOAK] (Iowa) has achieved Detonation
(00:34) Fog_Carrier_Shoukaku [FOG] (Shoukaku) has achieved Devastating Strike

(00:34) CloakWard71 [CLOAK] (Iowa) : dafuq!?!?
(00:34) CloakWard71 [CLOAK] (Iowa) : u guys all suck
(00:34) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : Says the guy who just swallowed ten torpedoes

(00:34) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) has achieved Arsonist

(00:34) ManilaVanilla (Colorado) : damn, Cloak, that's Fog_Carrier_Hakuryu levels of lewd

(00:34) Fog_Carrier_Zuikaku [FOG] (Shoukaku) has achieved Devastating Strike

(00:34) Stormy_Knight [CLOAK] (Fletcher) : God ****** dammit! Fight fair, you cheating carrier-driving *******!
(00:34) Fog_Carrier_Zuikaku [FOG] (Shoukaku) : A squadron of D4Y2s against a Fletcher's AA? Sounds pretty fair to me

(00:34) NightFury22 [CLOAK] (Lexington) has achieved Die-Hard

(00:34) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : Crud!
(00:34) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : But, hey: wait for it...
(00:34) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : ... wait for it....

(00:34) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) has achieved It's Just a Flesh Wound!
(00:34) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) has achieved Devastating Strike

(00:34) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : And he gulps down a full load!
(00:34) HammerTime [CLOAK] (Lexington) : WTF?
(00:34) HammerTime [CLOAK] (Lexington) : ****! You ******* cheating ****, **** you all over!
(00:34) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : Oh, such a pity :evil:

(00:34) NightFury22 [CLOAK] (Lexington) has achieved Close Quarters Expert
(00:35) Tatsuda22 [FOG] (Tenryu) has achieved It's Just a Flesh Wound!

(00:35) NightFury22 [CLOAK] (Lexington) : I ******* hate every last ******* one of you *******
(00:35) Tatsuda22 [FOG] (Tenryu) : I love the smell of burning carriers in the morning
(00:35) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : All remaining Red ships, disengage and rally on me
(00:35) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : I say again: all remaining Red ships, disengage and rally on me
(00:35) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : Surrender the cap points. Leave them to Ralston and his people
(00:35) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : After CLOAK's antics, they deserve the win
(00:35) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : All non-CLOAK players: if any of you want to come back for another game...
(00:35) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : ... either with us or against us, individually or as divisions...
(00:35) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : ... we'll welcome the chance to see you in a fair match

Holy shit! They had us outnumbered and outgunned, and now she was letting us take the game anyway?

(00:36) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : ... remarkably generous of you
(00:36) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : Don't get me wrong, Ralston
(00:36) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : Next time, we'll come at you with everything we've got
(00:36) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : But this is a warGAME, not war
(00:36) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : We play smart, we play hard...
(00:36) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : ... but we play FAIR
(00:36) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : And when the game is over, we leave the competition on the field
(00:36) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : I always knew FOG were a class act
(00:36) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Fog_Flagship_Nagato, thank you for remembering the true spirit of sportsmanship
(00:37) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : I've still got a Type 93 with your name on it, Ralston :evil:
(00:37) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : And I trust it properly detonates your magazines every night? :D
(00:37) Fog_Carrier_Zuikaku [FOG] (Shoukaku) : :o
(00:37) Fog_Carrier_Shoukaku [FOG] (Shoukaku) : ... did he really just say that?
(00:37) ManilaVanilla (Colorado) : LEWD OVERLOAD!
(00:37) Tatsuda22 [FOG] (Tenryu) : Oh wow
(00:37) Tatsuda22 [FOG] (Tenryu) : I didn't know she could get that RED!
(00:37) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : HENTAI-NO-BAKA!
(00:37) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : I didn't mean it like that!
(00:37) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Sorry TT
(00:37) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Didn't mean to embarrass you like that
(00:37) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : But my sense of humour couldn't resist
(00:37) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : When you hang a pitch over the plate like that, I just have to take a swing at it
(00:38) Aroha4All (Hipper) : Im sending this replay to Jingles. The world needs to see this!
 
"Hood-I mean Heather, you play War Thunder?"

"Yup. I'm surprisingly good at it too," she said. "I don't think anyone would believe that a ship would be good at planes, but there you have it," pointing at the burning wreck of a MiG she shout down with her de Havilland Vampire. "Another one bites the dust."

"Another one bites the dust," Erika sings along.

"And another one gone, another one gone," Heather pipes in, flying by two unfortunate Sabres and unloading her Hispanos into them.

"Another one bites the dust!" Astrid joins in, shooting down another MiG on Heather's tail.

"Hey, I'm going to get you too!" Heather shouts, punting a Me 262 into the ground. "Another one bites the dust!"

"Wow."

"Now we're talkin'," Heather smirks. "Everyone's dead, Al."

10 kills. 0 deaths. And somehow, Heather managed to take only scratch damage.

"... Remind me to always fear the sky when I'm playing tanks."

"Aww, but you like it when I bounce you hard~." She wraps her arms around my chest. "So, how about a post-victory bash in the bed?"

Only now do I truly begin to comprehend the sheer terror I have wrought upon myself by marrying Erika and Heather.

"Please be gentle."
 
Icywinter said:
"Hood-I mean Heather, you play War Thunder?"

"Yup. I'm surprisingly good at it too," she said. "I don't think anyone would believe that a ship would be good at planes, but there you have it," pointing at the burning wreck of a MiG she shout down with her de Havilland Vampire. "Another one bites the dust."

"Another one bites the dust," Erika sings along.

"And another one gone, another one gone," Heather pipes in, flying by two unfortunate Sabres and unloading her Hispanos into them.

"Another one bites the dust!" Astrid joins in, shooting down another MiG on Heather's tail.

"Hey, I'm going to get you too!" Heather shouts, punting a Me 262 into the ground. "Another one bites the dust!"

"Wow."

"Now we're talkin'," Heather smirks. "Everyone's dead, Al."

10 kills. 0 deaths. And somehow, Heather managed to take only scratch damage.

"... Remind me to always fear the sky when I'm playing tanks."

"Aww, but you like it when I bounce you hard~." She wraps her arms around my chest. "So, how about a post-victory bash in the bed?"

Only now do I truly begin to comprehend the sheer terror I have wrought upon myself by marrying Erika and Heather.

"Please be gentle."
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!
 
U.N.Spacy000 said:
Huh, and here I thought Al would have topped Heather since she tops Erica because reasons similar to rock/paper/scissors.

Looks like I was wrong and Al is just DoooooooOOoooOOooommmed
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Alphonse is the waifu. Erika is also the waifu. Heather is the husbando.

Alphonse (++TORPEDO SPEED +DAMAGE +++DAMAGE OVER TIME +++DAMAGE PER MINUTE +MANEUVERABILITY ++SPEED -ARMOUR)
Erika (++ARMOUR +++DAMAGE -MANEUVERABILITY -SPEED)
Heather (+++ARMOUR ++DAMAGE --MANEUVERABILITY --SPEED)

So as you can see, Alphonse can in theory torpedo Heather, but is vastly beat by Erika. Also, he kind of likes being on the bottom.

So Alphonse is Strong v. Heather, Weak v. Erika.
Heather is Strong v. Erika, Weak v. Alphonse.
Erika is Strong v. Alphonse, Weak v. Heather
 
Last edited:
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