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Life With the Ship Girls, or, How I Learned How to Stop Worrying and Love the Polygamy

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MissingJimbo said:
Kongou (Non-Clusterfuck) is basically a hyperactive ball of joy and ham. Lewdness is... moderate, but more covert. She isn't openly fond of lewds (like what's on Alphonse's hard drive), but she has been known to read doujins of herself every now and then. Regardless, she also isn't fond of coffee, either. But if she drinks the stuff, she gets more hyperactive, and can level a small town with her bare hands before her caffeine rush dies down.
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I now want to see Kongou learning Wing Chun and going Ip Man Rapid Fistcuffs on some poor sap that tries to rob your house.

HE ENDS UP IN GEOSYNCHRONOUS ORBIT
 
U.N.Spacy000 said:
Oh right, I forgot about that. Oops. Hm, that makes my suggestion a lot less feasible unless ship girls can be summoned multiple times or something. That would certainly explain all the Nakas in the actual Kancolle game.
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TONIGHT

I play a battleship,

Erika demonstrates how to shoot while blindfolded,

And Tabitha finds an old friend.
 
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I'll start my rewrite soon. It may be a bit until I get to the parts where the two of us are actually playing WoWs, so stay with me.
 


Roughly one week before Kongou's arrival...

I booted up WoWS once more, ready to kick ass and take names. However, as I prepared to send my beloved light cruiser out into the fray once more, I received a Skype notification. Kongou wanted to talk to me.

"Hey, Kongou."

"HEY! Teitoku! Are you up for a game?"

"Funny, was about to start. Feel free to join up."

Sure enough, we divisioned up and set sail.

[16:31] BurningTea44 [FOG] (Kongo): It's Tea-chan!
[16:31] CompassJimbo [VLCTY] (Cleveland): Ready to kick ass and take names.
[16:31] D00d_71 (Town): Godammit its tea.
[16:32] PearlAri [FOG] (New Mexico): Oh. Hey, guys.
[16:32] CompassJimbo [VLCTY] (Cleveland): Ari. *nods*
[16:32] BurningTea44 [FOG] (Kongo): Glad to be with your SEMPAI?

Arizona was probably rolling her eyes.

[16:33] PearlAri [FOG] (New Mexico): You realize that I don't think of you as a 'sempai', right?
[16:33] BurningTea44 [FOG] (Kongo): But you came several months AFTER me.
[16:33] CompassJimbo [VLCTY] (Cleveland): Focus ladies. Enemy in sight. I see planes, too
[16:34] PearlAri [FOG] (New Mexico): I don't like aircraft. Somebody find and kill their carriers.

Oh, yeah. PTSD bout. Kongou and I steamed north, managing to tag-team an enemy destroyer that was trying to flank around. The main fight was vicious, but it wasn't long before we found the first enemy carrier. A Ryujo, by the looks of it.

[16:38] CompassJimbo [VLCTY] (Cleveland): Enemy spotted, moving to engage.
[16:39] BurningTea44 [FOG] (Kongo): Taste my BURNING LOVE!
[16:39] Bupkis (Ryujo): HALP! ENEMY BATTLESHIP AND CRUSER!!11
[16:39] BurningTea44 [FOG] (Kongo): FIRE!!

Kongou's AP shells hit the enemy carrier, but overpenned. I promptly started spamming HE. Shame we didn't get Willy Pete rounds. I noticed several enemy ships turning the fuck around on the minimap.

[16:41] CompassJimbo [VLCTY] (Cleveland): Tea! I need you to engage those enemy cruisers while I finish off the carrier!
[16:42] BurningTea44 [FOG] (Kongo): Sure thing, HONEY!

My mind right now.
>Honey.
>OH GOD THIS IS DEFINiTELY SERIOUS!!
I continued to pour HE into the Japanese-built carrier and watched it burn. Kongou had managed to kill two cruisers, one of which was apparently Myouko. Or was it Asihagara? Whichever one was the cougar wannabe. What I didn't know was that while blowing up the enemy carrier, I managed to cap, winning us the game. Huh.
 
U.N.Spacy000 said:
Al should point out that using Radar is cheating - or make the targets out of something she can't find with Radar.
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The targets are coated with a layer of carbon buckyballs, which wreak havoc on Erika's FuMO 81a Berlin-S Mark II GFCS. And because Al knows about the additional upgrades that he helped put onboard her riggings, he also made the targets harder to hit because they dodge incoming fire.

She still managed to hit all ten of them while using two G43s in either arm.

Alphonse managed to control his swooning long enough to express his (feigned) outrage before kissing her hard on the lips.
 
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Icywinter said:
The targets are coated with a layer of carbon buckyballs, which wreak havoc on Erika's FuMO 81a Berlin-S Mark II GFCS. And because Al knows about the additional upgrades that he helped put onboard her riggings, he also made the targets harder to hit because they dodge incoming fire.

She still managed to hit all ten of them while using two G43s in either arm.

Alphonse managed to control his swooning long enough to express his (feigned) outrage before kissing her hard on the lips.
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Later on, Michael brought Lois in to do the same test. She resolved the blindfold issue by saturating the firing range in bullets.
 
Greek Fire said:
Later on, Michael brought Lois in to do the same test. She resolved the blindfold issue by saturating the firing range in bullets.
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Meanwhile, Alphonse and Erika were having a mock running battle where, over the course of two miles of continued combat over wooded terrain, proceeded to see who could get a hit on the other. Erika had the advantage in accuracy and speed, but Alphonse held the firm advantage in reaction time and dexterity. It devolved into a massive gun kata fight that lasted ten minutes before they finally ran out of paintball rounds.

And then they tried to figure out who would be the winner by getting the other to end up on the ground.

Surprisingly enough, Alphonse managed to survive for another further ten minutes -- by virtue of running and using dodgehax before finally getting pinned against a rock and a very miffled Erika.

She proceeded to kiss him into submission. Repeatedly. Until he was nothing but a blushing, stammering wreck on the forest floor. Poor guy.
 
Icywinter said:
Meanwhile, Alphonse and Erika were having a mock running battle where, over the course of two miles of continued combat over wooded terrain, proceeded to see who could get a hit on the other. Erika had the advantage in accuracy and speed, but Alphonse held the firm advantage in reaction time and dexterity. It devolved into a massive gun kata fight that lasted ten minutes before they finally ran out of paintball rounds.

And then they tried to figure out who would be the winner by getting the other to end up on the ground.

Surprisingly enough, Alphonse managed to survive for another further ten minutes -- by virtue of running and using dodgehax before finally getting pinned against a rock and a very miffled Erika.

She proceeded to kiss him into submission. Repeatedly. Until he was nothing but a blushing, stammering wreck on the forest floor. Poor guy.
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Lois and Mike did that next. Lois actually lost due to the fact that Mike had learned parkour and created his own form of CQC during the siege of Washington DC. Afterwards, Lois asked for a rematch. She won by tackling Mike to the ground. Chest first. Not that he minded of course.
 
[Meanwhile, in a pre-match lobby on the SEA server]

I groaned as I saw the team-lists. God-fucking-dammit, matchmaker. Why must you have such a warped sense of humour? Four members of CLOAK Clan on 'my' team?

I'd had my first encounter with those twerps soon after I started playing WoWs, maybe six months ago, back before I bought my current laptop. The one I'd been using back then was so old that the game crashed every few minutes for simple lack of rendering power, and my driving a Wickes and winding up in a Tier IV match didn't make things much better. That said, I honestly don't know what set them off: my 'GLHF' to both sides at the start of the match, me dropping out when my client crashed six minutes in, or the fact that my (stationary) destroyer had been in a collision with a CLOAK St. Louis while I was trying to load in again. Whatever it was, I'd come back into the match just in time to see my DD blown in half by a broadside from that S.Lo... then for the three divisioned CLOAK players start abusing me in chat, piling the team's loss on my head. Even though I'd gotten lucky enough to blow a Tenryū and two Wakatakes out of the water before I dropped, which I thought was pretty damned good for a guy basically obliged to do nothing but make YOLO-charges.

After that, as far as I can tell the whole CLOAK clan had declared me kill-on-sight — regardless of which team I was on. Lord alone knows why, because griefing me had to have put a serious dent in their individal and collective win/loss ratios — not to mention costing them nigh-incalculable amounts of credits and XP, though one glance at their profiles had told me they were pay-to-win enough that I guess they didn't care about that — but the upshot was that whenever I found myself in a game with a CLOAK ship on my team, I spent almost as much time dodging 'friendly' shells and torpedoes as I did those from 'enemy' ships and aircraft.

Now, here I was in a Dido that I'd spent ridiculous amounts of time, credits and XP upgrading to its fullest lethality, and my team included five of CLOAK's ringleaders... in two Lexingtons, an Iowa, and a pair of Fletchers. Fucking dandy: big-gun and AA protection for the carriers, so they can camp at the back of the map, and two destroyers to spot targets for them. And the game-engine won't let me focus my AA fire on 'friendly' aircraft. For an instant, I considered dropping out of the match, because they'd do their best to ruin any fun I might have, but I discarded the idea just as quickly. That's exactly what they want. Fucked if I'll give them the satisfaction.

That said, glancing at the rest of the team-lists was actually heartening. TorpedoTerror, Tatsuda22, Fog_Carrier_Shoukaku, Fog_Carrier_Zuikaku, WillieDee71, Fog_Battleship_Hiei? Nice to see some people who know how play the game for fun! I don't recognise this 'Fog_Flagship_Nagato' that loaded in with them, but hopefully they've learned the right mindset from the rest of the clan!

(00:23) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : GLHF everyone!
(00:23) NightFury22 [CLOAK] (Lexington) : Ralston's here AGAIN? FML
(00:23) CloakWard71 [CLOAK] (Iowa) : well we;re down one already
(00:23) Stormy_Knight [CLOAK] (Fletcher) : dammit, MM, stop letting this scrublord into our matches!
(00:23) CloakWard71 [CLOAK] (Iowa) : atleast it's only a Dido
(00:23) DaggerCyclone [CLOAK] (Fletcher) : look it's the King of Disco
(00:23) HammerTime [CLOAK] (Lexington) : wtf Ralston why do you even bother logging in?
(00:23) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : Hey, Ralston! I'll be looking for you in-match :evil:
(00:23) DaggerCyclone [CLOAK] (Fletcher) : $5 says Ralston drops before we get into range
(00:24) NightFury22 [CLOAK] (Lexington) : sucker bet
(00:24) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Don't know why you jokers act like we're winning REAL money
(00:24) Fog_Battleship_Hiei [FOG] (Kongo): Is all that really necessary?
(00:24) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Some of us just want to play a game, OK?
(00:24) CloakWard71 [CLOAK] (Iowa) : 'we'? you don;t win **** all, Ralston
(00:24) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : You and a lot of others, TT
(00:24) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : These CLOAK jokers will be trying to TK me from the off, remember?
(00:24) Tatsuda22 [FOG] (Tenryu) : This is why I love playing against CLOAK Clan
(00:24) CloakWard71 [CLOAK] (Iowa) : you'restill only playing T6
(00:24) CloakWard71 [CLOAK] (Iowa) : six months on WOWs and you can;t git gud?
(00:24) Tatsuda22 [FOG] (Tenryu) : I can crush them like bugs without a wisp of guilt
(00:24) CloakWard71 [CLOAK] (Iowa) : jesus juust kill yourself loser
(00:24) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Spellcheck is your friend, Cloak
(00:24) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : Are they still butthurt? That whole thing was months ago!
(00:24) NightFury22 [CLOAK] (Lexington) : someone get this pleb off our server
(00:24) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : I'm play-for-fun, they're P2W
(00:24) DaggerCyclone [CLOAK] (Fletcher) : solo casuals like Ralston need to **** off and leave the game to pros
(00:24) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Some people Just Don't Get It :(

3... 2... 1... FIGHT!

The good news was that I'd spawned at the north-eastern end of Fault Line, while three of the five CLOAKers were on the north-western end. The bad news was that both Fletchers were well within gun-range of me, and they'd keep tabs on me for two carrier air-wings looking to end my role in the match quickly. Never mind whatever Red Team have in store! With that in mind, I slammed the engine-telegraph to full ahead and made for Destroyer Alley at the eastern end.

(00:25) Fog_Flagship_Nagato [FOG] (Nagato) : Ralston, I think you may be on the wrong team
(00:25) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : You should have pinged me to div before you loaded
(00:25) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : No argument from me!

I was kicking myself about that, to be honest. I had a few of FOG clan friended, since I'd run across them in-game and liked their attitude, but after a day of dog's breakfasts at work I'd been in too much of a hurry to get in-game and blow things up for stress-relief. No chance of relaxing with almost half my own team gunning for me!

(00:26) TorpedoTerror [FOG] (Tenryu) : Div up with us after this match
(00:26) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Sounds like a plan
(00:23) HammerTime [CLOAK] (Lexington) : u ******* traitor Rlaston
(00:26) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Bite me Hammer
(00:26) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : I'll happily help the other six players on this team
(00:26) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : but I don't owe CLOAK a ******* thing
(00:26) Fog_Battleship_Hiei [FOG] (Kongo): You tell them, Ralston!
(00:26) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : oh look, here come your planes to bomb me right now
(00:26) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : Tell me again: WHO is doing more harm to 'our' team?

I came into Destroyer Alley in time to see a flight of Red Team fighters start coming through from the far end — and two flights of 'friendly' SBDs started lining up on me from the NW. I wavered, then punched P; Red fighters couldn't hurt me, and my AA wouldn't help against Blue aircraft. Hell of a thing, when you're shutting off your AA to let enemy fighters defend you! An instant later, three Red destroyers rounded the island at the other end — a Minekaze, a Fletcher, and an Isokaze. Oh, this is gonna be interesting....

A quick turn to port unmasked my Dido's starboard broadside. My starboard tubes flushed three Mark.IX** torpedoes in a snapshot at the trailing Isokaze; a few seconds later, eight 5.25" HE rounds went out at the leading Minekaze; then I popped smoke (British CLs like the Dido can carry all manner of tricks for sneaky, conniving sonsabitches like me) and turned bow-on to the DDs again, slowing to half-speed to better comb the inevitable incoming spreads. Even so, I had to do some dancing... not helped by the SBDs setting my stern afire and knocking out both aft main-gun turrets, despite being mauled by the Fletcher's Defensive Fire and two flights of Red A7M1s. I'd just extinguished the fire when my shells and fish went home.

(00:28) BlunderBusted (Minekaze) has achieved Detonation
(00:28) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) has achieved First Blood
(00:28) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) has achieved Devastating Strike
(00:28) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) has achieved Double Strike
(00:28) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) has achieved Devastating Strike

(00:28) BlunderBusted (Minekaze) : Bloody Norah!
(00:28) BlunderBusted (Minekaze) : ... nice shooting though
(00:28) Phuong13 (Isokaze) : hai ngư lôi? Dù mà nhiều!
(00:28) PettyOfficerRalston (Dido) : I got lucky

That was a bit of a fib, of course. There was a good bit of luck to that, but also some cooperation from the victims... not that I was going to point that out. Even if there hadn't been something of an apparent language barrier between me and Phuong13, I didn't think someone who'd just told me to go fuck myself (I knew that bit of Vietnamese from Rogue Warrior novels) was in a mood to hear advice like 'know your enemy' or 'dodge!'.

(00:29) WillieDee71 (Fletcher) : Being lucky must be nice
(00:29) Fog_Carrier_Shoukaku : You're clear of bombers, Ralston
 
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Somebody needs to figure out a new saying for gaming situations like this, since "enemy of my enemy is my friend" no longer cuts it.

Though I can imagine Tenryuu saying something like "enemy of my waifu is scrap under the sea"
 
Hm... I think, Nürnberg in it's Admiral Makarov configuration can be nice 6 Tier premium ship, successor of Murmansk (which is Omaha-class). Just because Russians have a rather low non-paper WW2 ships.
 
FinalAttackOrder said:
Do you think a Sverdlov-class would work for tier 9 or 10?
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I think it would be more of a T6 or a T7 cruiser. The armament is comparable to a Cleveland-class light cruiser.

FinalAttackOrder said:
I am...well, kinda...
I lurked as a Guest for a little bit before I made an account.
Is the Leipzig-class Cruiser a feasible Vessel to operate?
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Yes. T6 cruiser.

For reference, according to the official World of Warships German Tech Tree, the Admiral Hipper-class is at T8, and the Hindenburg-class is at T10.
 
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