Apotheosis
Lucifer
- Pronouns
- She/Her
How Elder Scrolls.
Let's Read: Vox Day's Arts of Dork and Spite, and Try to Make the Resulting Hurt Stop.
- Thread starter Space Oddity
- Start date
- Books
How Elder Scrolls.
- Location
- Somewhere
D&D had Glassteel Armor before there was such a thing as Elder Scrolls. He seems to mainly be pulling from that along with his bad history.
- Location
- East Coast
The Elder Scrolls started up in the nineties, with glass armor first showing up in Morrowind. So, yeah, it's an Elder Scroll thing.
That stated, calling it bad history does not begin to describe it. We've got medieval France and ancient Rome RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER! I cannot begin to convey how much pain this causes me.
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- Location
- Somewhere
.... D&D was around since 74. The first book I personally own within that game that specifically references glass armor is from 87. It was even mainly used by a culture of arrogant mage warriors from an island known for its towers.
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- Location
- East Coast
Ahh, good old Forgotten Realms. Probably the closest thing to Beale's "throw it in" philosophy in a game world.
- Location
- Somewhere
I rather liked the setting back in AD&D. They actually put effort into the setting (and the sub settings of Moonshae, Kara Tur, Maztica, and Zakhara) that feels lacking in later editions, and even the later versions of the setting. Hell, I'd put the worldbuilding in the old Volo's Guides light years ahead of this dreck.
- Location
- East Coast
Well, yes, that's the difference--FR was a "throw-it-in" setting that gave a shit, which this world obviously is not.
- Location
- East Coast
Anyway folks, only three more stories left in this.
Then I start the series proper. Which makes this look downright benign.
Pray for Mojo.
Then I start the series proper. Which makes this look downright benign.
Pray for Mojo.
dhasenan
always lowercase
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Elder Scrolls glass armor is a funky malachite-based thing. Translucent green copper due to natural processes. D&D glass armor is enchanted glass. So if we want to see which one Beale is referencing, we can check whether it's enchanted glass or wrought malachite.
Ha, I am pleased to jest. Even if he had tried to blatantly grab the Elder Scrolls version, he wouldn't have gotten that part right.
- Location
- East Coast
The stuff is colored--one suit is red, the other is green--so I suspect he's thinking of the Elder Scrolls stuff. Which, given his video game fanboy status isn't a surprise.
And remember, this is the first time we've heard about this stuff.
Coiler
ROURKE
Eh, of all the things wrong with this, having a small thing be a little too obviously "inspired" by one of his favorite games seems like it'd be pretty low on the list.
I just read a cracked article about Blade. Apparently there's some sort of racist pseudoscience that says only white people are capabl of blushing, and therefore, feeling shame. I found some old racist quotes to this effect, some made by Darwin.
Given Beale's procilivities, I doubt this is an innocent coincidence. Is he effectively saying black people don't have souls?
Given Beale's procilivities, I doubt this is an innocent coincidence. Is he effectively saying black people don't have souls?
Qalabi Dawn: The one with werekitties in it.
- Location
- East Coast
QALABI DAWN
This is the one involves more werethings, but this time, they're werelions, and possibly other werecats as well. Beale does a a bad job clarifying things. We get introduced to our protagonist, Shabaka... yes, Shabaka musing on life in the desert as a werekitty, with sentences like this...
Yeah.
Well, right, so life in the Qalabi desert is hard, man, especially for werekitties. They've got a brutal priesthood running things who kill people when they're injured, and Shabaka knows the Man legions will be marching to wipe out all werekittyhood for being demonspawn. But he's Shabaka No-Tail! He lost his tail as a child to a hyena but his father kept the priests from offing him! And so, as we learn through flashback, he had to spend his childhood fighting despite being the chief's son, because he is simultaneously elite and outcast, which makes him super cool. Also, he and his bunch of werekitties are Chiu, so... werecheetahs, maybe? Oh, and apparently the werekitties call men "mwana", so it's clear who Beale is thinking of here. Yep, prepare for lots of pidgin "African", most of which I won't be repeating to spare your sanity.
Right, so flashbacks and musing done, Shabaka goes and confronts the priests, who are some sort of werekitties called "Dumai", as they're preparing to kill a huntress with a shattered forearm. The priests blow him off, noting that only chiefs get to challenge them on this stuff. Exactly as Shabaka planned. Shabaka's da, Khepren comes out--in manshape! He's a shapechanger, so he can do that. Anyway, Shabaka is a bit worried that his father might be wanting a death, but Shabaka talks him round into following the plan. Then Khepren pulls a flopsy and Shabaka is now chief. He tells the priests that they aren't offing the lady werekitty. They aren't happy about that. Chiu are apparently smaller werekitties than Dumai. Which makes what Shabaka's doing MORE AWESOME.
We learn more about the plan--Khepren after heading out takes over another tribe, then brings twelve younger members of the tribe to work for Shabaka. Shabaka wins them over, and sends them out to take over other tribes. While most of them fail, enough of them succeed to see him get a strong powerbase that he uses to start taking over yet more tribes. Werekitties start taking note, and one werekitty named Tjel starts imitating his methods--but by this time Shabaka's got enough tribes under him to make Tjel's efforts look like a bush league play, so he manages to intimidate Tjel into surrendering. Which, Tjel, being smart, does, making Shabaka's league even more powerful. The priests start getting alarmed. The Dumai and the... Simbai, who are clearly werelions, don't like the idea of a Chiu with all this power man. Shabaka knows he needs to get all the werekitties on board. And so he prepares a brutal plan, for he is a hard werekitty making hard choices. We also learn he's got a deal with the dwarfs, trading them elephants and mineral rights for war machines. More talk about the as yet unrevealed brutal plan, and... yep, it's Amorr again. And it turns out Shabaka's plan involves killing their own, which... is apparently taboo, even though the werekitties have been shown killing their own all the time.
Anyway, we learn the plan--Shabaka had his people slaughter the biggest tribe of lion werekitties they could, to show they mean business. Then they meet with Senwosret, that tribe's "jumbe"--that what werekitties call chiefs, okay?--and then reveal that yeah, they killed his tribe, but they still hope that they can have a productive relationship, because the Amorrans are coming to kill everybody. And as Shabaka had tried just asking Senwosret for help, he decided on this method to make it abundantly clear that he was effing serious man. Senwosret, after a lot of pretend profound talk buys this line of reasoning, and signs on to Shabaka's Wild Ride. Shabaka reveals that he didn't kill ALL the tribe, but left the younger members alive. So don't hate him reader, got it?
Right, now it's time to switch to the Amorran POV. Quintus Cassianus Vopiscus is the commander of the "kill all werekitties" mission. He's gotten involved in this to bolster his run for consul next year, as his family, House Cassianus hasn't had the honor of being consul for over twenty years, and Vopiscus is hoping to remedy this fact. He's marching his guys through the desert with regular stops to build camps--still, there's a steady bleed of men. Vopiscus, we learn, jumped on the "kill all werekitties" bandwagon early to make sure he got the command, but he's not a military tyro. No, he's more of a supply and logistics guy--so actually, he's pretty much perfect for fighting in the desert, but let's just ignore that, okay. Anyway, when a Valerian general argued that only one legion was required, Vopiscus declared his House would raise two... Wait, wait, the Senate lets the noble Houses raise their own legions? Amorran Crystal Dragon Jesus, the Amorran situation keeps getting worse and worse, don't it? Anyway, Vopiscus went into the red to raise and supply the army hisself, in hopes of becoming Consul and getting a cushy governorship afterwards, one which, as a victorious general that genocided the werekitties, he suspects he'll be able to hold for life.
Again, Amorran Crystal Dragon Jesus, how is the Republic functioning at all?
Anyway, despite having massive advantages in arms and manpower, Vopiscus refuses to press his advantage, for fear of ambushes. Beale reveals that he thinks deserts don't have trees and hills, and now I'm waiting for a cactus to appear. Anyway, Vopiscus is clearly supposed to be the opposite of Varrus, and thus equally bad. We go back to Shabaka who thinks the guy's being cowardly, not fighting, and... there's a river, a river big enough to need bridges built to cross it in this featureless desert. Right, so... Shabaka and Tjel talk things over, and decide that their advantages are night vision and magic, which is under the priests that don't like Shabaka. But Tjel has gotten a bunch of the priests who think he means to betray Shabaka talking to him, and he thinks Shabaka can "persuade" them to join up. Also, he swore that he was on their side on his tail, so Shabaka's got a new soon to be tailless bro, man!
Right, plan in action. Vopiscus wakes up, finds out that the werekitties are preparing for a battle on the other side of the river. He has them build the bridge extra fast, then attack. As they attack, he thinks about the writings of the philosopher-king Antonius... so this Roman Republic knock-off has already had a Marcus Aurelius stand-in, because of course it has. The battle has been devastating for the werekitties, who've lost incredibly more men then the Amorrans while having less troops to begin with.
Turning to Shabaka, we learn that as horrible as this defeat was, it went more or less as planned--they killed enough Amorrans to steal a lot of their armor. Forty disguised shapechangers will sneak into the camp tonight, kill the gatekeepers and let the werekitty army in. Then, massacre. Shabaka's not a shapechanger, so he can't lead the forty, but his da is, so he'll lead the attack.
It works as advertised, apparently--Vopiscus wakes up from a dream turned bad with the attack in progress, prepares for werekitty attack, and thinks about... Danielus in the lions' den. I really hate the Amorran Crystal Dragon Bible, don't you? Right, so the werekitties celebrate their victory. Shabaka discovers his da and Vopiscus scored a mutual kill, has his guy prepare to send back the legionary eagles because he doesn't want the Amorrans to really get a grudge. He muses on the future, and... judging by the hints, the werekitties are yet another result of the pathetic wannabe darklord Speer's effing with things man was not meant to know, in this case the time he did that literally. Right, so Shabaka thinks that yeah, they're gonna be a great tough race of werekitties they are, and learn all of the mwani's secrets. Roar.
And with that, we're through another one.
This is the one involves more werethings, but this time, they're werelions, and possibly other werecats as well. Beale does a a bad job clarifying things. We get introduced to our protagonist, Shabaka... yes, Shabaka musing on life in the desert as a werekitty, with sentences like this...
Yeah.
Well, right, so life in the Qalabi desert is hard, man, especially for werekitties. They've got a brutal priesthood running things who kill people when they're injured, and Shabaka knows the Man legions will be marching to wipe out all werekittyhood for being demonspawn. But he's Shabaka No-Tail! He lost his tail as a child to a hyena but his father kept the priests from offing him! And so, as we learn through flashback, he had to spend his childhood fighting despite being the chief's son, because he is simultaneously elite and outcast, which makes him super cool. Also, he and his bunch of werekitties are Chiu, so... werecheetahs, maybe? Oh, and apparently the werekitties call men "mwana", so it's clear who Beale is thinking of here. Yep, prepare for lots of pidgin "African", most of which I won't be repeating to spare your sanity.
Right, so flashbacks and musing done, Shabaka goes and confronts the priests, who are some sort of werekitties called "Dumai", as they're preparing to kill a huntress with a shattered forearm. The priests blow him off, noting that only chiefs get to challenge them on this stuff. Exactly as Shabaka planned. Shabaka's da, Khepren comes out--in manshape! He's a shapechanger, so he can do that. Anyway, Shabaka is a bit worried that his father might be wanting a death, but Shabaka talks him round into following the plan. Then Khepren pulls a flopsy and Shabaka is now chief. He tells the priests that they aren't offing the lady werekitty. They aren't happy about that. Chiu are apparently smaller werekitties than Dumai. Which makes what Shabaka's doing MORE AWESOME.
We learn more about the plan--Khepren after heading out takes over another tribe, then brings twelve younger members of the tribe to work for Shabaka. Shabaka wins them over, and sends them out to take over other tribes. While most of them fail, enough of them succeed to see him get a strong powerbase that he uses to start taking over yet more tribes. Werekitties start taking note, and one werekitty named Tjel starts imitating his methods--but by this time Shabaka's got enough tribes under him to make Tjel's efforts look like a bush league play, so he manages to intimidate Tjel into surrendering. Which, Tjel, being smart, does, making Shabaka's league even more powerful. The priests start getting alarmed. The Dumai and the... Simbai, who are clearly werelions, don't like the idea of a Chiu with all this power man. Shabaka knows he needs to get all the werekitties on board. And so he prepares a brutal plan, for he is a hard werekitty making hard choices. We also learn he's got a deal with the dwarfs, trading them elephants and mineral rights for war machines. More talk about the as yet unrevealed brutal plan, and... yep, it's Amorr again. And it turns out Shabaka's plan involves killing their own, which... is apparently taboo, even though the werekitties have been shown killing their own all the time.
Anyway, we learn the plan--Shabaka had his people slaughter the biggest tribe of lion werekitties they could, to show they mean business. Then they meet with Senwosret, that tribe's "jumbe"--that what werekitties call chiefs, okay?--and then reveal that yeah, they killed his tribe, but they still hope that they can have a productive relationship, because the Amorrans are coming to kill everybody. And as Shabaka had tried just asking Senwosret for help, he decided on this method to make it abundantly clear that he was effing serious man. Senwosret, after a lot of pretend profound talk buys this line of reasoning, and signs on to Shabaka's Wild Ride. Shabaka reveals that he didn't kill ALL the tribe, but left the younger members alive. So don't hate him reader, got it?
Right, now it's time to switch to the Amorran POV. Quintus Cassianus Vopiscus is the commander of the "kill all werekitties" mission. He's gotten involved in this to bolster his run for consul next year, as his family, House Cassianus hasn't had the honor of being consul for over twenty years, and Vopiscus is hoping to remedy this fact. He's marching his guys through the desert with regular stops to build camps--still, there's a steady bleed of men. Vopiscus, we learn, jumped on the "kill all werekitties" bandwagon early to make sure he got the command, but he's not a military tyro. No, he's more of a supply and logistics guy--so actually, he's pretty much perfect for fighting in the desert, but let's just ignore that, okay. Anyway, when a Valerian general argued that only one legion was required, Vopiscus declared his House would raise two... Wait, wait, the Senate lets the noble Houses raise their own legions? Amorran Crystal Dragon Jesus, the Amorran situation keeps getting worse and worse, don't it? Anyway, Vopiscus went into the red to raise and supply the army hisself, in hopes of becoming Consul and getting a cushy governorship afterwards, one which, as a victorious general that genocided the werekitties, he suspects he'll be able to hold for life.
Again, Amorran Crystal Dragon Jesus, how is the Republic functioning at all?
Anyway, despite having massive advantages in arms and manpower, Vopiscus refuses to press his advantage, for fear of ambushes. Beale reveals that he thinks deserts don't have trees and hills, and now I'm waiting for a cactus to appear. Anyway, Vopiscus is clearly supposed to be the opposite of Varrus, and thus equally bad. We go back to Shabaka who thinks the guy's being cowardly, not fighting, and... there's a river, a river big enough to need bridges built to cross it in this featureless desert. Right, so... Shabaka and Tjel talk things over, and decide that their advantages are night vision and magic, which is under the priests that don't like Shabaka. But Tjel has gotten a bunch of the priests who think he means to betray Shabaka talking to him, and he thinks Shabaka can "persuade" them to join up. Also, he swore that he was on their side on his tail, so Shabaka's got a new soon to be tailless bro, man!
Right, plan in action. Vopiscus wakes up, finds out that the werekitties are preparing for a battle on the other side of the river. He has them build the bridge extra fast, then attack. As they attack, he thinks about the writings of the philosopher-king Antonius... so this Roman Republic knock-off has already had a Marcus Aurelius stand-in, because of course it has. The battle has been devastating for the werekitties, who've lost incredibly more men then the Amorrans while having less troops to begin with.
Turning to Shabaka, we learn that as horrible as this defeat was, it went more or less as planned--they killed enough Amorrans to steal a lot of their armor. Forty disguised shapechangers will sneak into the camp tonight, kill the gatekeepers and let the werekitty army in. Then, massacre. Shabaka's not a shapechanger, so he can't lead the forty, but his da is, so he'll lead the attack.
It works as advertised, apparently--Vopiscus wakes up from a dream turned bad with the attack in progress, prepares for werekitty attack, and thinks about... Danielus in the lions' den. I really hate the Amorran Crystal Dragon Bible, don't you? Right, so the werekitties celebrate their victory. Shabaka discovers his da and Vopiscus scored a mutual kill, has his guy prepare to send back the legionary eagles because he doesn't want the Amorrans to really get a grudge. He muses on the future, and... judging by the hints, the werekitties are yet another result of the pathetic wannabe darklord Speer's effing with things man was not meant to know, in this case the time he did that literally. Right, so Shabaka thinks that yeah, they're gonna be a great tough race of werekitties they are, and learn all of the mwani's secrets. Roar.
And with that, we're through another one.
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- Location
- East Coast
On the whole, yes--the glass armor just helps fuel the sense that Selenoth elves are assholes.
You know after just having written about the werekitties and prior to that, the orcs and prior to THAT, the deal with Amorran slavery, it seems a bit odd to clear Beale of racist intent, but in this case, I think that's reading a bit much into it. The point of the blush is that in the circumstances it is evidence of feelings that Pope Nero Dumbledore equates with having a soul, not that blushing alone is proof of a soul.
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Coiler
ROURKE
While a "bash the idiot REMFS who cannot compare to REAL WARRIORS" narrative is also not the worst, I'm not exactly surprised to see it there.
- Location
- East Coast
And of course, said REMFS is a political appointee and gloryhound. Which seems to be true of all the damn officers in the Amorran Republic, but he's an extra-bad one.
- Location
- East Coast
Oh, it was a regular feature of the Late Republic.
But as you note, it's more or less WHY it was the Late Republic. Once you see armies loyal to their commanders and not the state, shit gets bad and quick. And remember this on top of the clear Senate/Amorran Church of Crystal Dragon Jesus political divide that Beale has written in while apparently not realizing that he was doing that.
Which also has both groups having their own military forces, because of course it does.
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Apotheosis
Lucifer
- Pronouns
- She/Her
The deal with Shakaba uniting a bunch of werekitty tribes kind of reminds me of the movie Mongol, about Genghis Khan.
- Location
- East Coast
Only crap, yeah. It's a classic storyline, and yet Beale manages to muck it up.
- Location
- East Coast
Actually, this seems like a good a time as any to really point out the issue of the Amorran Crystal Dragon Bible. Now, we know that it heavily parallels the Actual Bible, BUT how this works out is tough to say, especially with the Amorran Empire being Republic-era Rome and not Principate-era Rome. Are there Crystal Dragon Jews hanging out there that the Amorrans got part of their Holy Book from? There don't seem to be, and yet we know that they've got a bunch Old Testament stand-ins so... what gives? And who put Crystal Dragon Jesus to death on the tree? We know there wasn't an Amorran Emperor to stand behind it, after all.
Of course I ask these questions because I see the Bible as a book arising out of its time and place--or rather its times and places. Beale doesn't, and so just takes the whole thing, and throws it down on Selenoth with maybe a few minor changes, ignoring the problems that arise. Which vary from "Doesn't talk about intelligent species that the believers have dealt with for centuries" to "So, Crystal Dragon Jesus is down with all the genociding then?".
Of course I ask these questions because I see the Bible as a book arising out of its time and place--or rather its times and places. Beale doesn't, and so just takes the whole thing, and throws it down on Selenoth with maybe a few minor changes, ignoring the problems that arise. Which vary from "Doesn't talk about intelligent species that the believers have dealt with for centuries" to "So, Crystal Dragon Jesus is down with all the genociding then?".
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A Magic Broken: You know what this has been missing of late? Creepy slavery stuff!
- Location
- East Coast
A MAGIC BROKEN
Another long one, though this one has a bit more substance than The Wardog's Coin. Mind you, said substance is unpleasant as hell, but hey that's what this series is about, isn't it?
So, we open in the mountains, with a mysterious POV character traveling under an assumed name. The mountains, we soon learn, are the mountains between Amorran Republic/Empire and the Kingdom of Savondir. "Nicholas", our protagonist, infodumps on us in the subsequent narration--the Tessino mountains are filled with these little baronies and "petty independences" (yes, that is what Beale says), because all the mountain passes make them hard to conquer. So... Switzerland. Anyway, the mountains keep the Amorran legions and the Savon... whatever the adjective for Savondir is today horsemen out.
Just like in our...
Right, so maybe it's the dwarfs? Maybe? The narration mentions dwarfs. Let's just go with that.
Anyway, "Nicholas" is trudging through the inhospitable lands with a single gruff guide to reach Malkan, a wealthy city-state ruled by the merchant-bankers of the Golden Circle...
Located in the middle of an inhospitable mountain ridge, because that's where you want to do your banking. Malkan, we learn has grown extraordinarily wealthy by controlling the mountain pass between Savondir and the Amorran Empire and charging a slight fee, and... Look, somehow this is modern-day Switzerland, and medieval Switzerland, and a bad mock-up of one of the maritime republics, only with the "maritime" missing, all at once, okay?
Nicholas thinks about how impressive Malkan's walls are and how tough it be to take it in a siege, like the one in Montrove where he helped the Red Prince--this seems to be some... Savondir title, as we've seen it before--conquer the city. He gets in and gets examined by the local wizard, which causes Nicholas to worry, as he's a wizard himself and the Malkans don't let foreign wizards in. So... when elves say humans disdain magic, they mean "Amorrans", because everyone else is using the wizard. Nicholas poses as a member of the Duke of Montrove's army who fled the recent defeat and is looking for work. Also, he's had some sort of magic placed on his sword to distract the wizards and keep them from looking at him. It works, and he's in.
Once in, it's time for more infodumping--Malkan is huge, despite being in inhospitable mountains, built by dwarfs, and the place Nicholas is staying in is sort of a dive. He joins the mercenary guild, and then goes to see his first employer, who it turns out is his contact in the city. Nicholas thinks about how badly his cover is being managed, while ignoring the fact that simply having the first employer be the contact is managing it badly. His contact is nervous, and swiftly reveals that they are looking for a girl in a brothel.
Yeah, nice.
Anyway, they've narrowed it down to three, somehow. Look, this is what's happening, all right? Beale's trying for intrigue, but he doesn't know how to write it and it shows. So, two are elite private clubs, one isn't. Nicholas tries to talk his contact into going to the last one to check, but he starts panicking about his wife. Nicholas wonders how intelligence landed him with this guy, because it's not like the people easiest to compromise tend to be the weaker personalities to begin with.
POV change! It's Lodi again! Yes, you thought we'd seen the last of him, didn't you? Lodi reveals he's a racist-ass dwarf who doesn't like Man--yes, he capitalizes the word--but as we swiftly see, Man gives him a lot of reasons not like them, as the man he's meeting with is a slaver with four dwarfs. Once Lodi learns the slaver just bought them off mountain orcs, he buys them, arranges to buy any other dwarf the slaver winds up with in the future, and as we see throughout this damn story, Lodi's speech has apparently degraded in a hamfisted attempt to make him seem like a non-native speaker of whatever the hell language they speak in Malkan.
Charming. The slaver lets drop that there's an elf slave in the city, and Lodi realizes that there might be an opportunity here, because the elves would pay dearly for one of their own. Because everyone in this story is an asshole.
Back to Nicholas, who's visiting that named whorehouse, The Merry Widow. He manages to establish himself in our mind as a total creep as he looks over the girls there, and the madame reveals that she doesn't hold with sodomy, which is a good place to point out that we've got Romans, but none of the bisexuality and homosexuality in this universe, because of course we don't. Nicholas' chat about more "exotic" choices baffles the madame, but suggests that he's also looking for the elf. Then he picks one of the prostitutes. And talks to her in Savondir "French".
Back to Lodi. His search is going much better than Nicholas', largely because he actually managed to get into contact with someone who knows things. The elf is probably at a pricey brothel called The Golden Rose. Back to Nicholas, who is at a party using his contact to try and get an invitation to The Golden Rose by staging an assassination attempt on the brothel's owner to "save" his life. Oh, and to kill his present contact, because that's the kind of charming guy Nicholas is. The assassins get to work, assassinate the contact and then get killed by Nicholas who thinks how awesome he is and how very clever. And naturally the brothel-owner is completely fooled.
Back to Lodi. He and his liberated buddies are digging into The Golden Rose to get the elf. Lodi pawned his battleaxe for the equipment in this caper. Oh, and there are two moons in this world. Nice to know. Lodi and his crew, Thorald, Gulfin, Hodli and Glodli... *snort* Anyway, they break in, and we learn that apparently dwarfs have killer senses of smell, and... yeah, Lodi smells a female Man. She's about to scream, and Lodi tries to do the hand in front of the mouth bit, but...
Somehow this knocks her out. The dwarfs continue their break-in, kill a guard, and then find the elf in with a... client, I suppose. Said client apparently thinks the dwarf is hired help, and so gets a deserved punch to the face, and then Lodi hands the "elfess" a knife, and she clearly gets snip-happy. He had it coming.
The word for a native of Savondir has suddenly become "Savonian". Nicholas' new boss informs him about the break-in. Nicholas agrees to go in to check out what's happening there. There's a coach ride, which Nicholas insists is terrifying. Once at the brothel, Nicholas, he be creeping again. He finds out about the dwarfs being there, searches around and finds they've left, and the body of the late "client" who Lodi apparently killed shortly after the elf "rendered him a eunuch of the most extreme degree", and who was apparently a big wheel in the Malkan government. Nicholas gets the job of tracking them down, which is of course, his actual plan.
Lodi and his crew are escaping and Lodi is glad to be out of Malkan. Turns out the dwarfs have a whole underground tunnel complex in the place, and they've used those to get the hell out of Malkan. The elf is... well, let's let this Special Award entry get it across, badly...
Right--Lodi is using the exact opposite route to throw any pursuers off, because clearly, they can't split up and try multiple search parties. To Lodi's surprise, they get found quickly, thanks to Nicholas' magic, and we get another Special nominee...
However, even as he plans one last attack, Nicholas reveals that he really doesn't want to fight--just the elf, who he promises not to hurt. Though he might just set them on fire if they stay hidden. No pressure. Lodi goes out to deal with him, and he confirms that he's really doing his own thing, for the King of Savondir, and that the elf, Lady Everbright, will be treated well and honored.
This discussion gets interrupted by some Malkan city guards catching up to them with another Malkan wizard. Oh, and the word for a native of Savondir is "Savonder" again. The Malkan mage talks tough, but in the resulting battle, "Nicholas" deflects his spells quickly and then kills him with a dagger to the throat. We finally learn that the elf's name is Dashella Everbright. And then we learn that her power is gone, as the wizard should know...
Hello, old friends. It's nice to see you again. Right, Beale went there, and trust me, he's going to go there again in the series proper.
Anyway, the wizard explains that Dashella's power may be gone, but her knowledge remains. "Centre Sagesse"...
To quote Jules de Grandin, mordieu....
Anyway, it just wants the warhawk spell. Which they aren't going to use on warhawks. No, they have something bigger in mind. Dashella after some thought, agrees if the Savonder is willing to wreak vengeance on humanity. He gets her to bring it down to everybody who abused her, notes that he already killed the slaver who took her. And with that, they've got a deal.
Lodi takes the wizard aside and asks for some clarification here. What the the hell is Savondir planning? Lodi also reveals he sees that the wizard is also behind all of this, because how is it he already had the slaver killed? No, Lodi explains, in broken English, what he thinks happened--the wizard paid the slaver to kidnap Lady Everbright, the slaver doublecrossed him and sold him to the Malkan brothelkeeper, and so the wizard killed the slaver. The wizard thinks it over and then decides, what the hell, explaining that when the dwarfs see fire in the sky they'll know what's up.
Lodi realizes the Savondir wizards want to try and tame dragons, which convinces him that they're crazy mad bastards who will get what's coming to them. As for the elf--well, Lodi is still pissy about Iron Mountain, so she's on her own. He's heading back home with his crew.
And with that, our tale ends, and we feel a need to wash from dealing with so many unpleasant people.
And don't worry. We'll see the most unpleasant of them again in the series proper.
Another long one, though this one has a bit more substance than The Wardog's Coin. Mind you, said substance is unpleasant as hell, but hey that's what this series is about, isn't it?
So, we open in the mountains, with a mysterious POV character traveling under an assumed name. The mountains, we soon learn, are the mountains between Amorran Republic/Empire and the Kingdom of Savondir. "Nicholas", our protagonist, infodumps on us in the subsequent narration--the Tessino mountains are filled with these little baronies and "petty independences" (yes, that is what Beale says), because all the mountain passes make them hard to conquer. So... Switzerland. Anyway, the mountains keep the Amorran legions and the Savon... whatever the adjective for Savondir is today horsemen out.
Just like in our...
Right, so maybe it's the dwarfs? Maybe? The narration mentions dwarfs. Let's just go with that.
Anyway, "Nicholas" is trudging through the inhospitable lands with a single gruff guide to reach Malkan, a wealthy city-state ruled by the merchant-bankers of the Golden Circle...
Located in the middle of an inhospitable mountain ridge, because that's where you want to do your banking. Malkan, we learn has grown extraordinarily wealthy by controlling the mountain pass between Savondir and the Amorran Empire and charging a slight fee, and... Look, somehow this is modern-day Switzerland, and medieval Switzerland, and a bad mock-up of one of the maritime republics, only with the "maritime" missing, all at once, okay?
Nicholas thinks about how impressive Malkan's walls are and how tough it be to take it in a siege, like the one in Montrove where he helped the Red Prince--this seems to be some... Savondir title, as we've seen it before--conquer the city. He gets in and gets examined by the local wizard, which causes Nicholas to worry, as he's a wizard himself and the Malkans don't let foreign wizards in. So... when elves say humans disdain magic, they mean "Amorrans", because everyone else is using the wizard. Nicholas poses as a member of the Duke of Montrove's army who fled the recent defeat and is looking for work. Also, he's had some sort of magic placed on his sword to distract the wizards and keep them from looking at him. It works, and he's in.
Once in, it's time for more infodumping--Malkan is huge, despite being in inhospitable mountains, built by dwarfs, and the place Nicholas is staying in is sort of a dive. He joins the mercenary guild, and then goes to see his first employer, who it turns out is his contact in the city. Nicholas thinks about how badly his cover is being managed, while ignoring the fact that simply having the first employer be the contact is managing it badly. His contact is nervous, and swiftly reveals that they are looking for a girl in a brothel.
Yeah, nice.
Anyway, they've narrowed it down to three, somehow. Look, this is what's happening, all right? Beale's trying for intrigue, but he doesn't know how to write it and it shows. So, two are elite private clubs, one isn't. Nicholas tries to talk his contact into going to the last one to check, but he starts panicking about his wife. Nicholas wonders how intelligence landed him with this guy, because it's not like the people easiest to compromise tend to be the weaker personalities to begin with.
POV change! It's Lodi again! Yes, you thought we'd seen the last of him, didn't you? Lodi reveals he's a racist-ass dwarf who doesn't like Man--yes, he capitalizes the word--but as we swiftly see, Man gives him a lot of reasons not like them, as the man he's meeting with is a slaver with four dwarfs. Once Lodi learns the slaver just bought them off mountain orcs, he buys them, arranges to buy any other dwarf the slaver winds up with in the future, and as we see throughout this damn story, Lodi's speech has apparently degraded in a hamfisted attempt to make him seem like a non-native speaker of whatever the hell language they speak in Malkan.
Charming. The slaver lets drop that there's an elf slave in the city, and Lodi realizes that there might be an opportunity here, because the elves would pay dearly for one of their own. Because everyone in this story is an asshole.
Back to Nicholas, who's visiting that named whorehouse, The Merry Widow. He manages to establish himself in our mind as a total creep as he looks over the girls there, and the madame reveals that she doesn't hold with sodomy, which is a good place to point out that we've got Romans, but none of the bisexuality and homosexuality in this universe, because of course we don't. Nicholas' chat about more "exotic" choices baffles the madame, but suggests that he's also looking for the elf. Then he picks one of the prostitutes. And talks to her in Savondir "French".
Back to Lodi. His search is going much better than Nicholas', largely because he actually managed to get into contact with someone who knows things. The elf is probably at a pricey brothel called The Golden Rose. Back to Nicholas, who is at a party using his contact to try and get an invitation to The Golden Rose by staging an assassination attempt on the brothel's owner to "save" his life. Oh, and to kill his present contact, because that's the kind of charming guy Nicholas is. The assassins get to work, assassinate the contact and then get killed by Nicholas who thinks how awesome he is and how very clever. And naturally the brothel-owner is completely fooled.
Back to Lodi. He and his liberated buddies are digging into The Golden Rose to get the elf. Lodi pawned his battleaxe for the equipment in this caper. Oh, and there are two moons in this world. Nice to know. Lodi and his crew, Thorald, Gulfin, Hodli and Glodli... *snort* Anyway, they break in, and we learn that apparently dwarfs have killer senses of smell, and... yeah, Lodi smells a female Man. She's about to scream, and Lodi tries to do the hand in front of the mouth bit, but...
Somehow this knocks her out. The dwarfs continue their break-in, kill a guard, and then find the elf in with a... client, I suppose. Said client apparently thinks the dwarf is hired help, and so gets a deserved punch to the face, and then Lodi hands the "elfess" a knife, and she clearly gets snip-happy. He had it coming.
The word for a native of Savondir has suddenly become "Savonian". Nicholas' new boss informs him about the break-in. Nicholas agrees to go in to check out what's happening there. There's a coach ride, which Nicholas insists is terrifying. Once at the brothel, Nicholas, he be creeping again. He finds out about the dwarfs being there, searches around and finds they've left, and the body of the late "client" who Lodi apparently killed shortly after the elf "rendered him a eunuch of the most extreme degree", and who was apparently a big wheel in the Malkan government. Nicholas gets the job of tracking them down, which is of course, his actual plan.
Lodi and his crew are escaping and Lodi is glad to be out of Malkan. Turns out the dwarfs have a whole underground tunnel complex in the place, and they've used those to get the hell out of Malkan. The elf is... well, let's let this Special Award entry get it across, badly...
Right--Lodi is using the exact opposite route to throw any pursuers off, because clearly, they can't split up and try multiple search parties. To Lodi's surprise, they get found quickly, thanks to Nicholas' magic, and we get another Special nominee...
However, even as he plans one last attack, Nicholas reveals that he really doesn't want to fight--just the elf, who he promises not to hurt. Though he might just set them on fire if they stay hidden. No pressure. Lodi goes out to deal with him, and he confirms that he's really doing his own thing, for the King of Savondir, and that the elf, Lady Everbright, will be treated well and honored.
This discussion gets interrupted by some Malkan city guards catching up to them with another Malkan wizard. Oh, and the word for a native of Savondir is "Savonder" again. The Malkan mage talks tough, but in the resulting battle, "Nicholas" deflects his spells quickly and then kills him with a dagger to the throat. We finally learn that the elf's name is Dashella Everbright. And then we learn that her power is gone, as the wizard should know...
Hello, old friends. It's nice to see you again. Right, Beale went there, and trust me, he's going to go there again in the series proper.
Anyway, the wizard explains that Dashella's power may be gone, but her knowledge remains. "Centre Sagesse"...
To quote Jules de Grandin, mordieu....
Anyway, it just wants the warhawk spell. Which they aren't going to use on warhawks. No, they have something bigger in mind. Dashella after some thought, agrees if the Savonder is willing to wreak vengeance on humanity. He gets her to bring it down to everybody who abused her, notes that he already killed the slaver who took her. And with that, they've got a deal.
Lodi takes the wizard aside and asks for some clarification here. What the the hell is Savondir planning? Lodi also reveals he sees that the wizard is also behind all of this, because how is it he already had the slaver killed? No, Lodi explains, in broken English, what he thinks happened--the wizard paid the slaver to kidnap Lady Everbright, the slaver doublecrossed him and sold him to the Malkan brothelkeeper, and so the wizard killed the slaver. The wizard thinks it over and then decides, what the hell, explaining that when the dwarfs see fire in the sky they'll know what's up.
Lodi realizes the Savondir wizards want to try and tame dragons, which convinces him that they're crazy mad bastards who will get what's coming to them. As for the elf--well, Lodi is still pissy about Iron Mountain, so she's on her own. He's heading back home with his crew.
And with that, our tale ends, and we feel a need to wash from dealing with so many unpleasant people.
And don't worry. We'll see the most unpleasant of them again in the series proper.
teslashark
One of the brother site’s janitors
- Location
- Somewhere
Aww, Switzerland, Hannibal isn't going to cross it any time soon in this world?
New slogan for your reaction pic:
"Hello dark men my old friend, I've come to gasp with you again."
New slogan for your reaction pic:
"Hello dark men my old friend, I've come to gasp with you again."
- Location
- East Coast
Don't forget Sigmund, who fits that little reveal, well, like a glove.
Coiler
ROURKE
Well, given the " distorted, shoved-together pieces of Italian history" theme, I was wondering when something like a maritime republic would show up.