I stare at the open letter sitting before me, still frozen in disbelief.
My daughter...a ronin…
This can't be happening. I have to be dreaming - this is a twisted vision from Yume-do, sent to torment me.
I pinch myself hard, hoping to wake from this unthinkable nightmare. A small bruise forms, but nothing else happens. I don't wake up feeling foolish and relieved... and the letter doesn't go away.
No...how can this have happened? I can't believe it...I don't believe it…
But despite my best efforts, I can't deceive myself for very much longer. I always did have a knack for finding the truth.
I pick up the letter again and begin to reread it, just to be sure.
To the honourable Kakita Takehiko-san,
It is my sad duty to inform you that your daughter has been caught having an affair with my husband, Kakita no Hida Katsuie.
The circumstances of the affair are complicated. You should know that at every step, she behaved with decorum, with poise and with respect and that it was not through her error or carelessness that the affair was discovered. It was Hida Takamona, diligently pursuing the Crab's particular...dedication to making sure there are no threats in the castle. that discovered it. That she began with her brother can only be chalked up to sibling loyalty.
Your daughter is a fine young woman, and one who has obviously been raised to honour the values the Crane hold dear. It saddens me that I must punish so promising a young samurai, particularly when her only crime was to fall in love with the wrong man.
It is because of this as well as my respect for your honoured mother, Kakita Misaki-shiryo, that I have spared her life. By my right as Daimyo and she whom your daughter served, I have stripped Kakita Sakura of her Clan, her family and her name. A further token of my respect for your family and indeed for her, rather than publicly ruining her reputation as the woman who was caught sleeping with the daimyo's husband, I have instead announced that your daughter will be leaving on Musha Shugyo. Of course, she will not be completing such a pilgrimage nor will she return to the Crane unless she manages to find a way back of her own merits. If anyone could do it, I think it would be her.
Please accept my sympathies for your loss.
Kakita Ayame
Daimyo of the Kakita, Shireikan of the 1st Crane Army, Lord of the Northern Provinces, Master of Shiro sano Kakita
CHOP
I knew that had to be some sort of dire news when my daughter came home in the dead of the night with such a look in her eyes. But this...this, I never expected. The sorrow and shame she strove to hide but couldn't when she handed me the letter...that will stay with me forever.
Emotions well up inside me unbidden, uncontrolled. It's hard to sort through them all, but I can recognize the pain and grief of losing my daughter as well as my frustration that she would be so foolish as to put herself into such a situation...the gratitude to Kakita Ayame-dono for sparing her life and even her reputation...but more than anything, with an intensity that frightens me, I feel a burning hatred for Hida Takamona, the self important bitch who ruined all, and for what? Really, I just want to punch her in the face… it not being available, I slam my fist into my desk, my knuckles making a satisfying crunch against the wood.
Oh Kami...what would Mother have said?
I wince a little as I remember the lecture she gave me many years ago when Sakura first began her training.
"You're too soft on her, Takehiko. If you don't enforce good discipline in every aspect of her life, she will grow to be stupid and lazy. She will be a disgrace to this family!"
I can't help the inward cringe. Even now, nearly 10 years after she passed into the next life, the memory of my mother's voice, of her words, is enough to make me feel rather like a dog who's been caught piddling in the house. Sakura has always been strong, like my mother was. And Mother had such high hopes for her…
How can you have been so stupid as to get caught in bed with Kakita-dono's husband? Mother was right, I was too soft on you.
I pound my fist against my desk once more. The physical pain of my bruised and bleeding knuckles helps me control the urge to scream out loud. I remind myself that Sakura may have been foolish enough to fall in love with the wrong man, but at least she had the good sense to be smart about it. My daughter is a good girl and knows how to behave. Kakita-dono's letter was very clear about that.
Why, Sakura-chan, why could you not have fallen in love with some lowly courtier of no particular importance?
I know the answer before the thought even finishes. My Sakura has always aspired to reach the highest ideals...of course she could never fall in love with a nobody. I should have looked harder for another betrothal when the last one fell through. This is my fault, I failed in my duty as a father. If she had been married, she wouldn't have been tempted to have an affair.
I bury my hands into my face with a sigh. My wife, I must wake her and tell her. This news will crush her. We have other children, but Sakura is our eldest child, and she has always been precious to both of us.
************************
It's a beautiful spring evening, the breeze is calm just enough to cool, the smells of warm tea and perfume soothe a troubled mind, as the first sounds of life come forth. It's a pleasant scene, one I have grown used to, but tonight it all turns to ash in my heart. It's meaningless - I can't enjoy any of it at all and after my loss today, I doubt I ever will again.
My name is Kakita Takehiko, and I have lost my daughter.