PHASE 12: BAD TO THE BONE
Rolls to dodge are
here.
Bitzer was getting a bit annoyed. Hey, nothing just blasts him outta the sky without telling him how!
In fact, this is the very first time anybody blasted him out of the sky. This was a day full of firsts for him.
Well, he saw some of the ships that were firing at him, and he pounced on the next one.
"Hey, cut that out!" he shouted. "Not even the ground wants you around right now!"
You
pounce, and you plow right through the ship's engine, causing it to explode! You then proceed to land on the ground, unsinged and on your feet and... surrounded by trees and bunnycats???
You look down briefly and realize... this
can't be right... but the ground you've landed
is floating above the ground below.
An old-timey ship made of white light appears, and sailors made of that same light emerge from the ship and try to carry you onboard. Evidently, they haven't figured out that you're more than just an ordinary cat.
And why does the sun have a face?!
The airlocks hissed as it released the pressurized decontamination gas in the frigate and our bay doors opened to receal the cavernous hanger within the SuperCarrier. Soooo cool!
Barely a minute pass by and another golem appeared at my side,
"Sir, the unknown human vessels have been destroyed. Reports show that they appear to have been shot down by high powered lasers or something of the sort."
Well shit... that was interesting. If there was another fleet with that kind of power, and it could wipe out those ships... Damn... this could be bad... I'd love to initiate contact with those ships just to be safe, but all I wanted was sleep... and sandwiches... actually... a loooootttt of milk.
A strange tune plays, and suddenly it begins to rain milk! But... it's only a drizzle... and it's not a very big rainstorm. Not
nearly as much milk as you were looking for... Although there are a bunch of bunnycats below you that seem to be appreciating the rain of milk, and the sudden growth of trees suggest that maybe there was more to the rain than you thought.
"Sir, incoming... um... floating island? I'm pretty sure that's a floating island! And a giant man! And CRAP WHAT IS THAT!"
You look out the window to see a small hole in the air, sucking everything nearby towards it... including you.
Roll to dodge at +1.
Thankfully, you manage to get out of range soon enough, and you see the ship you had been communicating with firing beams of light at the giant man, who grimaces in annoyance. But then everyone soon becomes distracted by the sun suddenly
developing a face.
As we went about sweeping the planet clean of enemy ships, I saw many unusual and interesting sights, which were most likely the result of other reality warpers.
Wait, more enemies? And they're being swallowed by the earth? Okay...
In the meantime, an idle thought entered my mind, and my powers acted on it.
'What if bunnycats existed on the planet?'
Music begins to play over your ships' speakers, heralding the arrival of said bunnycats. They all look basically like Kyuubey, although some observation shows that they don't seem to have any greater intelligence than that of a normal cat.
Then again, given that a completely different cat just blew up one of your ships, perhaps that's not saying much... and then the cat landed on a floating island and got rescued by a sailing ship made out of light? And then trees everywhere? And now the sun has a face?
What?
Well, that went better than expected. I mean, the hamsters aren't giant like I hoped for, nor did they eat all the sandwiches but really, there could have been way worse outcomes. At least the hamsters aren't fond of human flesh. I eye the little buggers warily. Well, at least I hope they don't. I turn my eyes towards the spaceships firing lasers everywhere. Oh. That doesn't look good...
I stroke my chin in thought. I've managed to summon flying space hamsters. They haven't done what they're supposed to but... now that they're here, can't I just make them bigger and repurpose them to eat the spaceships instead? Well, only one way to find out.
Suddenly, the hamsters begin to
enlarge dramatically! However, what with the earth devouring all the spaceships in the area, you're not sure whether the "repurpose to eat spaceships" part worked out or not. You can be fairly sure they aren't eating everything indiscriminately, though, seeing as they're ignoring the bunnycats that have appeared from nowhere, as well as the floating islands in the sky above you, the trees sprouting from nowhere, the sun suddenly having a face, and the floating white sailing ship descending nearby.
"Sir, we're here to evacuate you!" calls the apparent captain of the ship, a man made of glowing white light.
The young man, scared beyond all belief, pops his head out from behind a tree and looks at the mass of land.
"...Of all the things that had to happen, why did it have to be a falling island?" he said to himself.
"Hello?!" he called out. "Anybody there who'll need help?!"
In response, you hear
someone speak. Someone claiming to be the cathedral on the floating landmass...
You're
really not sure whether that's weirder than the suddenly-appearing bunnycats all around you.
The cathedral begins to chant. The ground begins to shake beneath you. And soon, the forest you're in and the land beneath it begins to rise into the air... from your higher vantage, you can see more trees sprouting on the ground below.
Once the island settles in midair, you notice a ship made out of light docking at the edge of the forest.
"Do you require assistance, sir? We're here to evacuate all civilians from the planet!"
Not an unattractive offer, given that this planet seems to have a sun with a face now. That's kind of freaky.
The girl frowned, annoyed. She'd heard things about probability being the fifth dimension, and had been hoping to test that after connecting her village to the afterlife. Mostly by trying to move herself through it.
Now that the connection seemed to have failed though, she didn't see why she shouldn't try to bring the village and everything in it with her as well.
You start trying to do your thing... but then you start seeing
faint images of monsters, waiting for you to finish...
For obvious reasons, you stop, letting the monsters fade away.
...where'd all these bunnycats come from? And why are there islands in the air? And why are there so many trees now? And why does the sun have a face? And... huh. That's a flying sailing ship made of light with the White Lantern symbol on it.
"Ma'am, we represent the Global Marines! We're here to rescue you!"
Okay.. Let's try getting on...
I jump towards the nearest one.. Hoping to get to the bridge.
You jump, and it seems like you won't make it very far... but then bunnycats appear in midair, and in a display of acrobatic talent you didn't know you had,
you jump on the bunnycats to jump much farther than you would have guessed. Finally, you do a final jump on a floating island from nowhere to land on the bridge where you wanted to go.
From your vantage, you have a great view of the trees beginning to sprout from nowhere. Odd.
A sailing ship made of white light appears. "Sir, we're here to evacuate you!" yells the captain, a woman made of white light, backlit by the face of the sun wait what.
"WELL, I SHALL NAME THE SCYTHER MINION 1, AND IT WILL BE A GLORIUS MALE BEING. NOW, ALTHOUGH I WANTED TO HAVE A FAR LARGER ARMY OF THE BEST CANNON FODDER, ITS GOOD ENOUGH FOR NOW. NOW FOR BUISNESS. THAT FUCKING WEBCOMIC-SPACE ENGINEAR FUSION MUST BE PUNISHED! MY MINION, YOU SHALL COME WITH ME TO IN HER BASE, AND KILL HER DUDES! THEN WE WILL GIVE THE GIRL A RITEFULL PUNISMENT FOR BEING A BUZKILL OF !FUN!"
You wander around for a while, kicking the randomly-appearing bunnycats out of your path and gawking at the islands in the air as you go, and eventually find the base. Weirdly,
Pokemon-appropriate music is playing from the base's speakers, and trees are sprouting everywhere.
Well, if she was expecting your assault, might as well oblige her. "Go, Minion 1!"
With a screeching battle cry, your Scyther leaps into the fray, only to take several evasive maneuvers as the base's defenses come into play. He's dodging the energy blasts well enough, but he's not exactly making progress, either...
A ship made of white light appears. "Sir, we're here to evacuate you!" yells a man made of white light, standing on the deck of the ship. He glances nervously up at the sun, which appears to have developed a terminal case of face.
Kintsugi stared blankly at the sky. A lot of the ships had left, but now there were more. And they just kept coming.
She nervously eyed the sandwiches. Why...were they getting bigger? Were they going to eventually out crowd her? Would they grow so big to turn her lake into a big pile of soggy sandwiches? She didn't want that.
Then they all disappeared. Kintsugi blinked owlishly at the suddenly sandwich free landscape. "Thank you." She mumbled, and turned to look at her lake. Yeah. Not a single crumb was left. The corners of Kintsugi's mouth turned up in a tiny smile.
She pressed a hand against the surface of the water, rippling and distorting the surface. She could see the ships in the sky in the water's reflection. And they hadn't left when she asked. Kintsugi moved her hand, erasing the reflection. And she got an idea. This...really wasn't in her power set. But, that lady had said that anything she did had a chance of happening, right?
Kintsugi slithered away from the water and back into her carrier. Drawing herself once again, she pierced the golden floor and commanded the carrier to move into the lake.
"I-I want it so that inside the lake, there's a reflection, a world." She called out. "That's a lot like this place, but there's no one there. There's no ships, let this lake no longer reflect those. Food never ever," She stressed, "falls from the sky. Not Ever."
Kintsugi took a deep breath. "A-and I want it so that I can go through it, with whatever I want, in between worlds, whenever I want. And if anyone wants to come inside, w-well, they have to ask me first."
That done, Kintsugi curled around herself, deeply embedded in the carrier floor, keeping a hand on her hilt. She hoped this worked.
Just before you would have done the deed and found out if it would have worked,
a beam of energy lances from the sky, impacting right by your lake. When the dust clears, a young girl stands there, in a dress made from chainmail that (somehow) has been colored gold, holding a gleaming sword. Weirdly, trees seem to be growing now. Probably not the girl's fault, though, as she seems surprised by that as well.
She looks at you and blinks. "...they didn't warn me about
this in the briefing! Um, sword spirit? I'm looking for an artifact of power known as the Amulet of Marquis. It manipulates and creates bone on catastrophic levels, and I'm here to confiscate it before its current user causes too much damage."
Suddenly, a bunnycat appears out of nowhere.
"Ahh!" The girl recoils, leveling her sword at the creature. "Begone, foul spawn of darkness! GOLDEN BLAST OF PURITY!" She swings her sword at the bunnycat, projecting a beam of golden energy that incinerates the creature.
She sighs in relief. "Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh yes, the artifact. Do you know where I might find it?"
Above you, a flying island appears, backlit by the face of the sun, further startling the girl. And then, to top it all off, a ship made out of light appears.
"Ma'am!" The captain throws a sharp salute to the girl, completely ignoring you. How rude. "We're here to evacuate all the citizens of the planet! Would you like a ride?"
The girl seems to be thinking his offer over.
"This thing requires power?" Yuki says, shaking the artifact up and down in a futile attempt to get it going again. "How am I suppose to charge it?"
"I think you need to replace the batteries." I say, although I'm just guessing."
Yuki looks again at the device: A bone wand with wings. "Don't see any place to open it. Maybe it requires something else... "Wait! I can just wish it to be recharged! That way my device won't be bone-dry."
Oh great, she's starting on the puns. Way too much Undertale.
Yuki focuses on magically recharging the device...
As is typical for a Magical Girl, the recharging involves
dramatic music and lots of unnecessary flourishes. Unlike the typical Magical Girl, however, these flourishes involve much creation of bone, which then crush themselves into a powder and float inside the amulet. It doesn't exactly make sense to recharge that way, but whatever. Anime physics.
This also seems to have an effect on you as well, as some of the power being released seems to seep into you...
+1 to all rolls relating to bones.
It occurs to you that if you've absorbed some of the power, perhaps it's visible to others...
...possibly including all the bunnycats that have appeared out of nowhere and/or the flying island above your headand/or the trees growing all over the place and/or the sun (which now has a face) and/or the ship made of white light.
"Hello the ground! We're here to evacuate you!" calls the captain of the ship, a woman made of glowing white light.
Good... good... while the angels were unable to use the offensive properties of White Magic, and the side effect of it was not present, the being believed that they were capable enough to take care of themselves long enough for someone to sort out the problem they were having.
...The being needed a name. It could not go around with being called 'the being' or 'the cathedral'. It needed a name, worthy of its status as one of the powers of this world.
'Genten'. Genten shall be the name that he shall answer to now.
Still...
Oh, a human?
"Child in the forest," Genten called out, the voice of the cathedral reaching towards the man.
"Welcome, child, to... the Genten Cathedral," states the voice. "We are to be known as 'Genten'. We do not believe we need help. Still, please, come into my halls. I am going to attempt to bring about a great change to the world, and I am willing to take care of you with my other children until you can make your own way."
Once the person decided to follow the request or stay out, the voice stated.
"Very well," the voice stated. "Let the world rise."
Magic power was poured into the earth beneath Genten, seeking to shatter shards of it off, sending the many shards skyward.
Flying islands in the sky. That was key to Genten's final goals for this world. Many flying islands in the sky, capable of supporting animal and plant life, able to have buildings constructed on them by the inhabitants.
They'd be able to alter them to the specific needs of the inhabitants, as well as Genten's own whim, later. For now, the land just had to get into the sky and stay there.
You begin to
chant, feeling the words begin to shape the land around you. And slowly, it begins to rise. The largest floating island includes your fruit tree forest, and stays near your cathedral self. But other islands begin to spread out across the planet (populated with randomly-appearing bunnycats and swiftly-growing trees for now).
Seems like a job well done. +1 to next roll concerning your floating islands.
Suddenly, a ship made of white light docks at your cathedral. "Hello the cathedral! Is anyone inside? We're here to evacuate the planet!"
...hmm. The sun appears to have a face now. When did that happen?
Well....that didn't go according to plan.
Naturally I couldn't let a slight like this go unavenged.
So with a force of will, I attempted to stare the planet to death.
You try, but all you seem to do is strain your eyes.
The planet's eyes begin to glow. "Pathetic," it rumbles, its eyes beginning to glow. "Allow me to show you how it's done."
Energy beams lance from its eyes, scoring a direct hit on the ship.
Silvan Eldar is Wounded.
Then the planet that you had abandoned suddenly vanishes, leaving only a few large rocks behind. Nowhere to run now...
"...Ow."
Okay, maybe I was starting to get a little drunk on power. Good thing it didn't wipe out my crew.
IN fact, now that I thought about it, maybe it would be wise to get them out of harm's way before I set off on any angst-filled revenge quests. And while I'm at it, perhaps I should evacuate any civilians as well. It was my job to protect them, after all.
I dusted myself off, wincing slightly as the cuts bled a little, and cleared my throat. "Ahem. Attention all ships: This is your Captain speaking. This order is Priority One: fan out, and locate as many civilians as possible. Once they're all aboard, we're shoving off for the next inhabitable planet. I have a feeling we'll need the breathing space soon."
If anyone was listening in on my thoughts, they would easily have picked up on my plans. Which was fine, really. It wasn't like I was going to hunt down some scholars for learning a forgotten language or anything.
Or at least I hoped not.
(OOC: This roll is being made with my permanent +1 bonus to commanding my fleet, and with the -1 from my injuries.)
"Sir yes sir!" The fleet scrambles to do your will, spreading out as trees start growing beneath you. You remain connected to each ship and see them approach the following people:
A cat that somehow wound up stranded on a floating island.
A man surrounded by gigantic flying hamsters.
A man standing on a floating forest nearby a floating cathedral.
Inside said cathedral, twenty angels.
A girl with a cloud on her shoulders, surrounded by ravens dressed the way you are.
A man in uniform, somehow stranded on a huge heap of scrap metal.
A young girl in golden chainmail, speaking to... is that a sword mermaid? What even
is that?
A young couple in bone-themed clothing.
Some kind of high-tech base, with a purple machine facing it from one direction and a constantly-yelling man facing it from another direction.
A rather large group of bears.
A man with some sort of... portal... thing?
And finally, as many bunnycats as they could fit on board while still having enough room for everyone else.
+1 to all rescue rolls.
A giant man gestures, and a hole in the air opens, trying to drag you in!
"Evasive maneuvers! Fire at the giant man when ready!"
"Yes sir!" Soon, your crew's expert sailing has brought you out of harm's way. Your shooting is... somewhat less effective, but at least your assailant looks frustrated... as does the face of the sun.
...wait a second.
What?
Power. It felt.. good.
It was time to swat my opponents out of the sky, starting with the one with the spaceship.
So I flew close to that ship I had identified earlier. To resolve him would be.. simple.
Closing my eyes, I imagined a dark hole sucking the ship in... as well as anyone and anything unfortunate enough to be in the viscinity. The winds it would form would be an excellent touch, too.
"Your doom.. has come." I said in a dark tone, as suitable for a god.
(Dramatic Pause)
"Rift."
The rift opens, but... it's
smaller than you expected, and both ships in the area manage to fly out of its way. One of them even begins shooting blasts of light at you, causing minor injuries.
-1 to next roll.
You grimace against the light of the sun... and are immensely startled to see the sun grimace back at you. Such is your confusion that you only barely notice the trees carpeting the ground.
"Well we are finally in your home" I say looking to Sharp Spear
The pony started to slowly descend into the planet, just to stop "You coming"
"Nah, I want to play more with my powers and I am sure the Princess wouldn't want a Discount Discord running around"
"Good idea, especially because Discord was recently re-sealed by the Elements of Harmony"
Oh I am in that moment of the timeline, well my plans of inviting Discord to play just went up in flames.
"Goodbye" Now what could I do, wait did my powers even worked outside the planet?
"Well there is only one way to test it" I say to myself "I want everyone that spend time in Planet Luck be wearing a maid outfit and yes that includes me" How could I see if it worked, if it didn't affected myself too.
And now you are wearing a maid outfit! It's white, with the White Lantern symbol on it.
Wait a second. "Ring, did
you change my outfit?"
"Affirmative."
...guess you're the only one in the outfit, then.
That's disappointing.
FUCK.
I decide to fill the temple with the smell of fine demon spurning perfume. Maybe that will repel them.
You wave your hand, and thick, cloying perfume fills the air! The
perfume spreads quickly, and each demon exposed to it is instantly paralyzed. Thank goodness.
+1 to next perfume roll.
As the first batch of weather drones flew off to perform their task, I left the terminal and made my way to the courtyard. Arriving, I found Anne's avatar inspecting one of the many sandwiches cluttering the area while her other drones worked on cleaning them up. I remarked "You know, you can eat it if you want, I made your avatar with a digestive system."
Anne replied "I know, I'm just trying to figure out if this particular example classifies as food or a biohazard. Eh, better not risk it." before tossing it to one of her other drones who promptly began hauling it away, probably to the incinerator.
At this point I noted "Anyway, there doesn't seem to be any major world-ending crisis at the moment, meaning if we wanted we could just kick back and relax."
Anne's expression soured before blurting out "But Mooooommm, that's BOOORING!"
I grinned as I remarked "Luckily for you, I agree! Instead, we're going to be doing actual science to determine exactly how the reality-warping chaos surrounding this world works!"
"YAY! I'll go set up some experiments!" was Anne's reply. Oh I haven't gotten something this interesting to study in far, FAR too long.
Before long, the experiments are ready, scanning machines are prepped, and-
[URL=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNlVo5udnPs]"INTRUDER ALERT!"
Startled, you trip and accidentally press the self-destruct button on one of your scanners (and why did you even install that thing?!)
KABOOM!
...ow.
I just write is Wounded.
You pull yourself up painfully off the floor. "Anne... what's going on out there?"
"Um, um... some weird bug is attacking. Defenses are holding for now. Umm... a bunch of trees are growing. There's an island in the air about half a mile south, and there seem to be a lot of animals running around that aren't in my database. And... some kind of purple walker machine is sending some sort of message... agh! It's overriding the systems! I can't stop it!"
The lights in your base begin to go crazy and multicolored, some weird music is blasting over the speakers, and your less-intelligent drones are dancing wildly in the halls.
...who the heck would go to all the trouble of hacking your base just to turn it into a
dance party?
"Major dimensional shift registered! The entire planet just moved!" Anne takes a moment to look over the data, and her avatar pales. "Th-the sun has a face now.
Why does it have a face?"
If the planet could belch it would, the little metal objects had been easy to consume but something still niggled in the back of the giant entity's mind.
"Where did they come from?" A most serious question indeed, had another world tried to play a trick on it, was it a declaration of war or maybe it was a 'welcome to existance' party?
Either way, the Planet was pissed, whater sent these little creatures had ruined the precious firstmoments of existence for Plane- NO, it needed a name, something daunting and awe inspiring, something like.......Krogoth!
"YES, KROGOTH! TRULY A NAME WORTHY OF MY MAGNIFICENCE!" It thought itself, somehow purring despite being a giant mass of rock, magma and other assorted minerals.
"Anyway, I must find where these things came from, and destroy it before more arrive."
With that, the planet willed itself to be wherever the troubleshooters had come from, seeking retribution for their actions.
Barely noticing the strange events going on on your surface (although you do appreciate the sensation of having foliage now), you concentrate on going to wherever the intruders came from... a word comes to mind for some reason: Paranoia.
But then something goes wrong. The warp is reversed, and you find yourself somewhere else.
You seem to have left some pieces behind in hyperspace. Nothing too terrible, but it will take a bit to regrow what you've lost.
-1 to next roll.
The solar system you're in seems fairly normal. You appear to have another inhabited planet as a neighbor and you think you actually have a bit
more sunlight now-
HOLY CRAP WHY DOES THE SUN HAVE A FACE!
HAHAH! I'M ALIVE AGAIN!
NOT EVEN DEATH HAS SWAY OVER HANDSOME JOE.
With a relieved chuckle I set myself back up in the front of the Pimpwalker, briefly moving back to the main body of the vehicle to give Phillippe a thumbs up (and, you know, let him know that I was alive). He was still wounded. I don't know cloud first aid.
Returning to the controls, I cock my hat at a particularly rakish angle and looked ahead.
Looked like the sandwiches were gone. An unfortunate waste of good sandwiches, but these things happened.
Guess it's time to go check out that base I saw earlier. I got closer, before, but I couldn't really see anything, what with all the sandwiches. Let's get a bit closer.
. . .
. . . . . .
. . .
Oh.
Oh dear.
A fortified wall.
A weapons grid.
A frikking moat.
Whoever the hell this was, they were fairly obviously not looking to make friends.
Actually, as I approached I could see some sort of drones shooting off... somewhere. This place was giving me a serious supervillain vibe, and now there's drones, and - wait, drones?! This jerkoff must have been the one who sent that killbot after me! Hell, for all I know they're the ones who killed me!
Oh, god, I'm within range of a criminal psychotic! Lord above, this is terrifying! WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?!
I slapped myself in the face. Calm down. Calm down. I can do this.
I'm going to need all my cunning for this next move. It's an old trick I'm fond of.
It's fairly clear that I won't be able to outthink a criminal mastermind of this caliber.
But that's okay. I don't need to outthink them. I just need to do something they'd never expect.
Confuse genius into inaction.
"I wish that that base would become a DISCO PARTY!"
Right as you make that wish, you see a man with a Scyther approaching the base. Based on the
music that starts playing from the base, that sight must have subconsciously influenced the choice of music.
+1 to next music roll.
Then things get
weird. Bunnycats everywhere. Trees growing from nowhere. Floating islands in the sky. The sun has a face, for goodness' sake! What is going on?
All as planned, the bear thought from still lying on its back, but its brethren were still homeless - this wasteland was not up to bearkind standards. And one forest would not suffice for the masses, these most numerous inheritors. No it would not.
The bear raised a paw and waved it in a circle.
You wave your paw, and
green spreads from where you are, reaching all across the planet!
+1 to all forest rolls.
Best part is, it even seems to come with food! The creatures don't smell like anything you've seen before, but they taste fairly good.
However, something bright shows up. Like people, but with no smell? And they seem to be trying to get you to go towards something even brighter...
power.
So much power.
You feel like you're on top of the world, monarch of all you survey. You let out a cry of victory!
Now what to do? You always wanted your own personal Gate of bablyon... Heck, why not. Gilgamesh is an awesome character, villain or not.
And if it doesn't work, well you're clearly too much of a mongrel to deserve such badass power.
You successfully create a
Gate of Babylon
...unfortunately, you appear to have forgotten to create a key to open it with.
"Sir! We're here to evacuate you!" You glance up to see a ship made of light hailing you.
You blink. How long have you been summoning that gate? The place looks totally different now! Bunnycats dance among the many trees around you, and the sun is literally smiling down at the sight, while islands float in the sky.
What the actual heck?!
EVENT: TROUBLESHOOTING
You've seen enough movies to know that the spaceships landing all over the place, letting out lots of people with laser guns, is
not a good thing. At the end of each phase starting with Phase 13, the GM rolls 1d4. That many randomly-selected players who posted during that phase are attacked by the Troubleshooters, although they get an automatic +1 to the rolls since the Troubleshooters don't work together well and are rather likely to start shooting each other. However, it will take a
lot to put these guys down for good; the clones just keep coming!
EVENT: MAHOU SHOUJO BOUNHANTAA
Looks like Yuki, in recharging her artifact, has let off a pulse of power that is attracting all sorts of attention from the local Magical Girl community! A new magical girl will appear every round with the intent of taking Yuki down and retrieving the artifact.
EVENT: THE HORROR!
The planet Krogath has found itself in a most terrible place. A land that, merely by existing, drains away the souls of those who get too close, reducing them to gibbering idiots.
I speak, of course, of the world of Tellietubbies.[/URL]
