PHASE 9: STOP! STABILIZE!
Rolls to dodge are
here.
"Oh dear sweet merciful FUCK, what have I unleashed?!?"
You think for a moment how to stop the tiny eldritch abomination that lies before you... Wait,There's a Death Star... And as everyone knows, If you just toss something into the thermal exhaust ports...
"See you later, Bunneh Man!"
You try and teleport the ebil wabbit into the thermal exhaust ports of the Death Star.
Suddenly,
the rabbit is gone, flung upwards so harshly that rocks are flying out in every direction. Only by pure luck does the rabbit miss the ships above (wait, there weren't that many of them before...), and only by pure luck do the rocks fail to hit anyone else.
+1 to next roll for punting something out of the atmosphere.
You look up expectantly, waiting for the Death Star to explode...
And then enormous skulls show up in the sky and fire lasers at the Death Star, causing it to explode.
Huh. Guess that's tha... wait. What's that noise?
You look up to see the rabbit hurtling towards you, murder in its eyes! How did he survive?! Reflexively, you reach out to block the rabbit, and somehow, it works, and he halts just as he hits your hand, with no apparent damage to you.
+1 to next roll to dodge Shard.
Then, suddenly, pain. Pain beyond what you've ever felt before...
"I'm assuming this is where I'd finally cave and ask for directions?" I jokingly ask, as I stick my hand out and grab a falling sandwich. "Provided we could actually find any one to ask."
"I'm more worried about that" Yuki replies while pointing up to the "moon". It's definitely no moon, of course. "There is only one reason you'd summon that."
"Well, it could be a problem" I say. "Do you want to deal with it, or should I?" I take a bit of my sandwich. Peanut Butter and Pepper Jack? Eh.
Yuki looks at the not-moon, then back at me. "I do want to try out my powers.." She hems and haws for a bit. "I'll take care of it."
She points at the Death Star...
"Hold on, I need a cool attack name..." Yuki thinks for a second. "Got it."
Her power starts flaring around her as looks at the Death Star, determination on her face. She is no longer pointing at the Death Star, but is reaching a hand out at it. "Bad Time Breakdown!"
Well, to be fair, she was playing Undertale before we got dragged here...
Weirdly, Yuki's outfit changes slightly as she performs the attack. Whiter. More skeletal, matching the gigantic skulls appearing in the sky, shooting lasers at the Death Star.
It doesn't take long before the Death Star explodes. The force field tanks the debris... and then vanishes. But you and Yuki don't have much time to wonder about that, because the next thing you know, you and Yuki are on the ground, writhing in indescribable pain!
"And my drink!" I scream to the heavens just to notice the Death Star "Ah, come on!"
Trowing my arms to air "I just wanted to find to white lantern boss but no, a planet busting weapon has to appear and change my plans, sometimes being the designated good guy sucks"
"What?" ask Sharp Spear
"You know, we are White Lanterns so we have to be good guys" I answer before flying to wards the Death Star and impacting face-first in the planet shield.
"We met again my old nemesis, but this time victory will be MINE!" I put both hands in the shield and with a effort will try to bend it into a nice trench-coat I can wear.
Your ring flashes.
"Absorbing energy field... process complete." The energy flows into your ring, turning your outfit into a stylish-looking trench coat with a White Lantern symbol.
+1 to next roll to dodge.
Then gigantic skulls appear out of nowhere and blow up the Death Star that you had just been about to go attack. -_- Seriously?
Then... pain. You and Sharp Spear, screaming, in immense pain but unsure why...
Realizing that he had been going on circles, the kobold put his hand or his face. He decided instead to head back to where he was, in hopes to at least be somewhere safe.
Well, you do manage to get back where you were... but "safe" might not be the right word,
if those glowing red eyes around your camp are anything to go by...
As the sandwiches began falling, I turned to Anne's avatar and told her "Ah yes, this is similar to the recent breadstick rain. However, unlike that event, this culinary precipitation does not seem to be stopping. This means we have to do something about it before it buries everyone. So, we are going to not only fix the reality stabilizer, but upgrade it to remove the old model's weaknesses. Guess what your first real project is going to be?"
Anne answered "Fixing the reality stabilizer with you of course! I'll round up the construction robots as you get down there!"
I nodded, and began making my way through the base's corridors, soon arriving at the courtyard housing the Reality Stabilizer. As a hot cheese sandwich bounced off my helmet, I shouted to Anne's drones "Remember, the upgrades we're trying to make are to allow normal weather cycles, terminate ongoing reality warping effects, and affect the entire planet! Those are secondary to actually getting it running again however!"
And with that, the both of us readied our tools, opened the access panel, and got to work.
You and Anne work feverishly, and soon you're ready to fire the new and improved stabilizer back up. And it
works!
+1 to all rolls to stabilize reality.
And then- pain. Like someone poured magma in your bones!
"Mom?!" Anne sounds alarmed. "What's wrong?!"
"Sandwiches?" Kintsugi picked one up and delicately picked off a slice of bread. She examined the meat.
It was a very thick slab of meat, all raw and bloody with thin streaks of gold running through it. Kintsugi's lip curled.
She glanced out the window. More sandwiches were falling from the sky. And landing in her lake. Sandwiches were falling from the sky and ruining her lake.
She threw her disassembled sandwich to the floor. "The sandwiches have to go! It's not good enough to just have no breadsticks, there has to be no sandwiches too!"
A sense of foreboding intrudes on you, and you look up
to see a giant sandwich about to fall on you!
Instinctively, you wield yourself and slice at it. It doesn't cut, but it
is sent off course and lands elsewhere.
+1 to next roll to dodge sandwiches.
Then the moon explodes due to giant laser skulls, and the force field disappears, and then pain. You didn't know you could feel pain this intensely...
Well this was unexpected... how fascinating. We're somehow in the same plane but not? Psychic communication could be useful, I think. Well, let's get introductions out of the way I guess...
"Um. Hey there it's nice to meet you?"
@MrEgret
Well honestly, I wasn't very good at introducing myself. hehehehe... I was suddenly brought out of my reverie with a yell,
"Sir! Massive planetary Body detected! It just appeared out of no where."
What...
"Get me a visual!"
"Aye sir!"
With that one of the screens flashed and I paled... Holy shit... Oh damn the world... A bloody Death Star! I sat back on my seat with a heavy thump. Man I wish I had a Super Carrier instead of this Frigate... possibly 3 of them... hell even 1 Super Carrier and an entire Covenant armada at my command would make me feel slightly safer in this insane world...
Your radio crackles. "Super Carrier One, in position."
"Super Carrier Two, in position."
"Super Carrier Three, in position."
"Covenant Armada, in position."
The fleet is at your command. +1 to all spaceship rolls. Fortuitously, not one spaceship gets hit by the flying rabbi- okay, this place is weird.
Then pain! You and your crew sink to the floor, wracked with more pain than you've ever felt before...
The bear waited. And waited. And waited. But still.. . nothing. Except for the sandwiches falling. It caught one in its mouth and chewed, deep in thought.
Huh. Reality has failed him again, like so many times since he has come. But no matter! It is only Luck which limits his will.
He understood the game Luck has been playing them all but even Luck bent her knee to the laws of Probability. It was only a matter of time and redundancy, even for someone of its success rate.
For as the frequency of attempts by the players at reality bending increase, hoping that Luck will show favor, so too is Probability watching, and do the odds of-- Bah!
The bear shall go itself.
The bear wanders, until eventually it finds the odd sight of
a human fighting a rabbit. Somehow, your bear mind knows the rabbit is the one responsible for the breadstic-ARRRGH!
Pain what why painpainpainpainpain...
SUDDENLY, OLD BAY12 MINIMALISM VETREN APPEARS!
GLORIUS POKETWO, NOW WONDERING MULTIVERSE AFTER BAY12 SHENANIGAINS.
FINDS RTD UNIVERSE THREAD ON SV. AFTER HAVING STARTED BUNKER RTD ON SPESSBATTLES 12 DAYS BEFORE THIS STARTED, POKETWO KNEW RIPOFF WHEN SEEN.
IT ALSO LACKS NO SCYTHERS. THIS MUST BE RECTIFIED.
"IN THE BEGING, THERE WAS NOTHING. THEN RTD CREATED SOLAR SYSTEM/UNIVERSE FOR PLAYER TO MUCK ARROUND IN, THEN THE HEVANS FOR THE PLAYER TO GO WHEN GIBED. YET THERE WAS NO SUBSTANCE, NOTHING BESIDES MUCKING ARROUND. TWAS BORING. AND POKETWO SAID WHILE SHOUTING "LET THERE BE SCYTHERS!"
You wait and wait... but it seems the universe's response to your request is as follows:
"Nnnope."
Rabbit form or not, someone was going to die today.
Beginning with... the person who turned me into a rabbit.
Distance meant nothing.
For he to have chosen rabbit underscored his poor understanding of what a rabbit could do, even if that was less than that of a human.
So i demonstrated.
Violently.
...
Very violently. As an addendum, I made sure for things to fade to black for our poor viewers first.
...
*Rabbit attack sounds.*
Before you get the chance to attack, you find yourself launched into the air at high speed. Up, up, up, over the clouds, through the force field, out of the atmosphere, and eventually crashing into the Death Star above.
Then humongous skulls show up out of nowhere and blow up the Death Star, with you on it.
Shard is Wounded.
If they think this will stop you, though...
They are gravely mistaken.
You retrace your path, propelling yourself towards the man who had turned you into a rabbit, smashing into him at-!
Unf! Somehow, he stopped you with only his bare hands. This will
not stand.
+1 to next roll to attack someone.
Then, suddenly, pain. Pain beyond anything you felt before, even while being at ground zero for a space station's destruction by laser skulls.
It looked like a new moon had shown up, but it didn't seem to be getting bigger. That was good. Maybe the planet could have tides and other things, at least once someone got around to creating oceans.
Anyway, she had food now. Lots and lots of tuna sandwiches, to be precise. At least it wasn't breadsticks.
Now she had to find shelter.
"Ravens, fly ahead of me," the girl said. "Look for places which have cover from rain. Actual buildings, if you can find them."
They took off, some peeling off from their main groups to cover more ground, and she followed them.
Your ravens take wing, and soon
report that they've found some houses. You follow, to see what looks like a small town hewed from the rock. No sign of inhabitants (not even former inhabitants), but you have your pick of shelter.
+1 to next roll to dodge the environment.
But then pain! Pain such that you wish you were dead again, because death hadn't been this painful... how are you even... you're a phantom... phantoms can't... feel pain...
. . . .
That's the Death Star.
THAT'S THE GODDAMN DEATH STAR.
. . . .
I wonder if I can contact it? This is an Imperial Walker, it's got one of those hologram-whatsits. I could humbly request that they not blow up the planet.
...Ooor maybe they'll get ticked at me for appropriating Imperial military technology.
Yeah, let's... that can be plan B.
For now I'm more interested in checking out this base up ahead. If there's someone else there, we might be able to figure out what's going on here.
Or do something about that whole planet-blower-upper-space-weapon that just showed up.
I peer ahead and try to get a better look at the base.
. . .
There are a lot of sandwiches about the place, aren't there?
. . .
Wait.
Fritz and sauce?
Cheese and vegemite?
Toasted chicken, cheese and pineapple with barbecue sauce?!
...I pulled back from where I'd mashed my face up against the window and took a moment to damn the Empire for not installing scrolling windows on their battle walkers.
Gazing out longingly at the falling foodstuff, I sighed and kept plodding my way towards the base. I couldn't really make out any details yet, what with the distance and the sandwiches, but it wasn't hard it keep the Pimpwalker going in a straight line.
Still, it would be nice if I could see where I was going. I mean, I could try and get rid of the sandwiches, but... what a waste, right? Besides, I had a better idea.
"I wish for x-ray vision! I mean, like, comic x-ray vision. Make it so I can selectively see through whatever I want. None of that monkeys paw messing-with-your-wish-in-a-thematically-appropriate fashion bullshit. I don't want to be seeing people as skeletons, or getting cancer in my face, or whatever."
Do wishes work like that? Am I allowed to put a string of caveats after it?
Guess it's time to find out.
After some tyesting,
it seems to have worked out okay, although some of the materials in the AT-AT are too dense to see through. You suspect that there's probably other stuff you can't see through. But, on the other hand, no major side effec-YEARRRGH!
Painpainpainpain why
It was at this point that I realized that I may have picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
First, my second attempt at summoning a member of my crew had gone awry. Admittedly, it went much better than the first time, but I was rather hoping for Lieutenant-Commander Cardiff, not what looked like some sort of solid-light hologram of her. Still, the hologram may prove useful.
Then, that flash of darkness happened, and my coat got uncomfortably warm for a few seconds. When I could see again, there was some sort of weird-looking moon in the sky, what looked like sandwiches were raining from the heavens, and...
...Now there was someone apparently speaking directly into his mind. And the moon thing is apparently a Death Star, whatever the hell that is. That was probably a bad thing.
Well, first thing first. Let's make contact.
"...kzzh...kzzh... Ahoy! Is this thing on? Captain Egret of the Marines here!"
Yeah, I don't know where the radio static came from. Telepathy was weird.
"I don't know what the hell a Death Star is, but these sandwiches are making me kinda antsy. Long story. I'm going to try to call in some reserves in case we need to evac. In the meantime, I'll need a name and rank. Over."
Having said (thought?) as such, I then turned my attention to making my next wish. If one Marine ship was doable, then how about a fleet?
Your ring flashes, and an entire fleet of Marine ships made of white light appears! Unlike the hologram, these ones actually seem to have minds and wills of their own, although you are in overall command.
+1 to all rolls for commanding your fleet.
And then, suddenly, pain. More pain than you've ever experienced... perhaps more than you can bear...
Turn stone into bread? Never thought that would actually happen.
Eventually, the fleet would have all the supplies they need.
And then the rain of egg sandwiches came. So much for my efforts...
Oh well, more food is better than none. I had the Protoss warriors place the excess food under stasis to preserve them.
I looked up, and saw... Is that a Death Star?!
If that "moon" ever turns its superlaser on this planet...!
I gave my orders to the fleet in response.
"Have all the ships combine their power, and form a black hole in the center of that Death Star. The radius of its event horizon would be the radius of that battle station."
That would be enough to consume the so-called moon, without posing a threat to the planet. Black holes are not vacuum cleaners, after all.
Edit:
Your ships hum with power and- wait, did giant skulls just blow up the Death Star?! Unfortunately, the technicians, being understandably distracted by the sight, pushed several wrong buttons.
The bad news is, the black hole is smaller than expected. The good news is, that's actually good for you because it's manifested behind your fleet. WEait... that's more bad news, isn't it...?
Anyway, the black hole is small enough
that you can probably pull away from it, and are currently doing so, but you'll have a hard time doing much of anything until you escape. -1 to your next roll.
And then pain, beyond anything you could have anticipated! Vaguely, you can see your crew writhing and hear them screaming. The only comfort is that the ships are on autopilot; you don't need the crew to escape the black hole at this point. Scant comfort in the face of such overhwleming pain, however...
"HAHA, YES, I GOT ME A FUCKING LASER MOON!" The man wooped to himself as he gazed upon the newly appeared Death Star with glee.
The only thing that ruined the moment was the fact it was raining sandwiches, why the hell was it raining sandwiches? What or who would make it rain sandwiches?
"Wait, who? Didn't that Lady Luck person say there are others here with the same power as me?" The man stroked his chin in thought, the idea of others that had the same power as him boded ill depending on what sort of people they were.
For a brief moment he considered wishing that every one else's wishes would fail but decided against it, he wasn't that much of a dick and he hadn't met any of them yet, for all he knew they were nice people.
Instead he considered the fact that he was sitting in the open with no way of defending himself if he ran into danger.
"Alright, I'll need some sort of armor and a weapon...." deep in thought he paced around the area before snapping his fingers together, "Alright, I know what'll work for now, gimmie a RIG and Plasma Cutter universe!"
You wish, and reality obeys... though apparently not thoroughly, as you appear to have gained a
RIG but not a plasma cutter. Still, should be enough to work wiEEEEYYYYYYAH!
Painpainpainpain...
The cathedral projected an aura of happiness.
"You may do as you wish, my children," a voice echoed in the cathedral. "I have but four commandments. Survive. Do not commit genocide. Be fruitful and multiply. And know when to stop multiplying."
Those four commands should cover most problems. It would encourage them to survive in the world, prevent them from wiping out other life (while allowing them to counter-attack if they so chose), encourage them to... ahem, multiply (preferably down the line and not in the cathedral's halls, or where anyone else was watching), and know when to stop multipling (to prevent them from overpopulating the world, and depleting its resources).
"There is a world out there, beyond my walls," the voice continued. "You are free to leave here at any time, but I recommend waiting, my children. The world is not yet what I intend for you."
With that, the cathedral turned its will outward, trying to gather enough power to force another change.
While it wasn't badly affected by others yet, there were other beings out there with powers similar to the cathedral's. Who knew what powers they possessed? And if they were desiring to wipe out its creations?
Still, while there was food for its creations (judging from the sandwiches landing on the cathedral's roof), to the knowledge of the cathedral, there was a lack of other shelter and water.
Caves were a simple idea of shelter, but it could do better. Wood could be used for not only shelter, but tools and a source of fuel for fire. Trees could also be used for a source of food, assuming the tree in question was a fruit tree.
And the more trees there were, the more opprotunities for recourses for its children.
And so, the cathedral tried to summon a forest of various trees, including many fruit trees, into the world on the land that was still on the ground instead of floating beneath the cathedral.
"As you command," the apparently self-appointed spokes-angel says deferentially. "How long shall we wait?"
Green begins to spread. Trees grow, into a forest far larger than you anticipated, teeming with every imaginable kind of fruit.
+1 to next roll involving plants.
Then, suddenly, your angels collapse with pain, screaming, pleading for your help. Then you, too, feel the pain. Not so keenly as your creations, but enough to appreciate the agony they must be going through. You can feel your cathedral body dissolving...
EVENT: CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SANDWICHES
Sandwiches of every conceivable kind are falling from the sky! Now, I'm sure they won't gradually grow larger and larger and eventually cause you to have to Roll to Dodge. These are
friendly sandwiches! ...right?
EVENT: VULNERABLE
The force field has been absorbed by Ziizo. The generators are untouched, so they'll get the force field back up at the end of Phase 10.
EVENT: OVERCORRECTION
I Just Write has stabilized reality! Unfortunately, she stabilized it too far, and since everything on this planet has been affected by the reality warping, everyone must roll to dodge at the end of each round until this situation is fixed. Except for Eternal Lurker because he hasn't succeeded at anything yet. Furthermore, all actions that would actively change how the world works get -1.
