I'd like to note that I got rid of the whole leg ripping off deal (as well as a significant amount of other stuff) in the rewrite of that, since it's one of the sillier parts of that specific scene. I've got it mostly done, but I'm going to post it tomorrow because I'd like to pretend that I can learn from my mistakes. Imma review it in the morning, trim any remaining silliness, post it, and then we can consider this resolved.
The fact that you're rewriting it means you can learn and improve.

I've only complained twice in 100k words. This and...Grimgor, was it? Yeah, that. You're doing pretty fucking well, man. It's just that when something pops up at me as "wait, no, this isn't quite right..." it tends to stick in my head and I'm like a dog with a bone.

Just keep in mind skaven themes and you'll be good. And really you've only mistaken that twice.

EDIT: Still a tad salty about Grimgor dying not awesomely enough but ehhhh. (but seriously though he should have ended in a proper duel with a proper legendary beatstick or monster... :cry:)
 
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I remember I once made a character in a D&D game who had the hobby and stated goal of collecting titles. He didn't pick up 'the titled' until he had almost 100. Thanquol is really reaching for them at this point.
 
Notice Concerning 'The Human Equation' in the Estalian War
The fact that you're rewriting it means you can learn and improve.

I've only complained twice in 100k words. This and...Grimgor, was it? Yeah, that. You're doing pretty fucking well, man. It's just that when something pops up at me as "wait, no, this isn't quite right..." it tends to stick in my head and I'm like a dog with a bone.

Just keep in mind skaven themes and you'll be good. And really you've only mistaken that twice.

EDIT: Still a tad salty about Grimgor dying not awesomely enough but ehhhh. (but seriously though he should have ended in a proper duel with a proper legendary beatstick or monster... :cry:)
130k actually, the word counter thing doesn't seem to count spoiler'd or quoted material. And hey, you're passionate about what you like, I can't fault anyone for that (save those who would like to murder me, that never turns out well). And yeah, while I don't regret Grimgor dying in a near-mutual kill to Zhatan, who was as close to an anti-ork bioweapon as the chaos dwarfs ever got (I know it seems odd to talk him up like that considering his trouble against a Kadaii, do consider that the main reason he had trouble with it was that the thing took no damage from the Black Hammer's burnination properties, which is where most of his killiness comes from), I do regret containing the fight to only one room and not wrecking a few buildings in the meantime. But that was the past, and I've improved as a writer since then. I do readily admit that obsessing over wordcount is as meaningless as measuring dick size, but I still keep track of it.
I remember I once made a character in a D&D game who had the hobby and stated goal of collecting titles. He didn't pick up 'the titled' until he had almost 100. Thanquol is really reaching for them at this point.
We'll get there - Thanquol basically gets titles whenever anyone achieves anything if you guys can be bothered to come up with a title about it.

...what? Oh yeah right.
*ahem*
When I said 'tomorrow' I didn't really anticipate various things getting in the way. I'm sure this comes as a big shock, because this has never happened before. Anyway, I finished the rewrite, which I've put down in a spoiler here along with a summarized list of changes I made - I'm also gonna threadmark this post so it filters out to all the people who just read the threadmarks and such.

The slight scrape of metal on rock was her only warning. Myrmidia dove out of the way but was not fast enough to prevent a warpstone bullet from punching through her side, drawing a growl of pain from her as Veskit of clan Eshin plummeted down towards where she had been standing, shooting at her with twin wrist-mounted warplock guns. Myrmidia grabbed her cloak and flung it towards him to obscure his aim and sprinted towards him, spear in hand. Veskit did not miss a beat, springing off of mechanical legs as his internal generator emitted a high-pitched whirr. From his paws extended twin sets of electrified steel claws, with which he cut through the cloak like it was not even there. Then he was in Myrmidia's range, and the mountains rang with the clash of metal on metal as the war goddess struggled to fend off his vicious assault. He did not fight like any skaven Myrmidia had ever encountered before; there was no overt structure to his movements, no feints, parries or pauses, only a lightning-fast series of swipes and jabs and rending motions that utilized all five of Veskit's limbs, all of which had been weaponized in some way. His arms and legs were fitted with retractable guns of varying calibre and spring-loaded serrated blades that popped out at the touch of a button, his elbows and knees featured retractable spikes tipped with warpstone, and his tail was equipped with the capability to essentially become a prehensile sword or a whip, splitting into segments connected by metallic twine. He was a storm of unmitigated death aimed squarely at Myrmidia, with every tool at his disposal being used to attempt to stab, cut, shoot, smash, and otherwise obliterate the god-queen out of existence.

Myrmidia was put solidly on the backfoot by the bewildering storm of Veskit's assault, struggling to predict and avoid his seemingly random motions that he carried out at a pace that would have left any flesh and blood skaven panting in exhaustion after a short time. A swipe chained into a leaping arc into an attempted footsweep which was followed by a whirling slash from the cyborg's segmented tail, each attack driving Myrmidia back and forcing her to use her spear to block what she could, unable to use its reach in such close quarters. Though she dodged, ducked, and otherwise avoided Veskit's blows to the greatest extent of her supernatural agility, the mechanical assassin's attacks still managed to connect fairly often. A series of jabbing slashes caught her across her upper arms, sending sleeves of blood trickling down to her wrists, and her fingers were quickly cracked and bloodied by errant attempts to wrench her weapon away. The hits began to pile up, and though Myrmidia was able to land a few solid blows on Veskit in return, the cyborg assassin was not slowed by having his throat crushed by the butt of her spear or his arms and legs being slashed at in return. As blood began to drip down into her eyes from an errant cut inflicted by Veskit's tail, she realized that she would have to end the fight quickly, or she would be overwhelmed and killed.

With anyone else, Myrmidia would have been able to read some sort of pattern in their movements, a flow to their style of combat that she could intuitively understand and exploit. Given enough time, everyone would expose a weakness, a flaw, an opening of some sort. But Veskit did not fight like a living being, but more like an abacus or mathematical equation, each move being slotted into place according to arcane machine logic that had nothing to do with economy of movement or any reality of combat. He could not be understood, and as long as she tried to fight him like she would fight anyone else she was doomed to lose. So she did what she would otherwise never do, and deliberately allowed Veskit's claws to latch onto her spear. Seeing an opportunity to get her weapon away, Veskit pulled, and Myrmidia let go. The force he had invested in the pull unbalanced Veskit and he reared back for a brief second, which was enough for Myrmidia to charge into him, sending them both tumbling down a rocky incline, crashing against the ground and each other as their combined momentum flung them downwards. Veskit sank his fangs into Myrmidia's free arm with a death grip, which the war goddess took with a snarl and used to grind his head against the ground, shredding her own flesh but denting Veskit's snout severely and cracking his eye lens. They flipped over and over each other, punching and clawing until Veskit's tail dug into the ground, arresting his momentum with a whiplash-inducing jerk and flinging Myrmidia off him. He leapt back to his feet with whiplike quickness and dashed towards her to finish her off, but was stopped midway by a thrown rock that hit him right in the eye, shattering the already cracked lens. He extended his emplaced guns and fired blindly in her direction, hoping to forestall movement from the goddess while his backup eye activated. But this disruption had finally given Myrmidia the opening she needed, and she bulled into Veskit once more, knocking him over as her weight came down on top of him. Screaming with adrenaline, she hit him in the head with a fist-sized rock, swinging down again and again until Veskit went limp and the light in his eye faded. Breathing heavily and bleeding from a dozen wounds, she stood up wearily and retrieved her spear before standing again over him.

Myrmidia snorted in contempt. "Your kind really are persistent in their malevolence. I never really had an opportunity to appreciate it before, but when the skaven commit to something, they do not relent." She stabbed him underneath the chin, her spear ripping through his flesh but glancing off his metallic spine.

"I suppose some might admire that quality in a twisted sort of way," she continued, stabbing him in the chest, her spear missing his heart for the simple reason that he did not have one anymore. "Greenskins, those touched by the Dark Powers, those individuals utterly lacking any sort of moral code." Her spear butt shattered his eye implant. "Or those detached from the reality of war, analyzing it solely as a set of numbers on spreadsheets, statistics and percentages. They might admire that sort of commitment to destroy your enemies utterly and without relenting." Again her spear flashed down, into his guts, twisting about so as to destroy whatever was left inside his abdominal cavity.

"I might have held it in some respect myself, once," she continued. "But now it only angers me. You discard all regard for common decency in your pursuit of power. You show no mercy to those you subjugate as well as those you fight alongside. You don't fight for the sake of your people, for glory, or even for material gain, really. Each one of you is a coiled-up ball of neurotic hate, seething at the very fact that your power is, by the very definition of the word, limited. It's your twisted ambition that drives you onward, spurring you to atrocities that others would shirk at but you take in stride because the majority of the time the recipient of such pain is not you."

She paced back and forth, sentiment she'd held onto for the entire campaign bubbling to the surface in isolation.

"I don't think you realize how abhorrent that concept is. My people - so many people - died because your race cannot grasp the meaning of sympathy and compassion! You kill and defile and destroy not because you're incapable of grasping that your actions have negative consequences for others, but because they simply don't matter to you. You just don't care!"] You're capable of being better than you are, but you choose not to! None of this had to happen! The fact that you choose to continue in spite of this makes it even worse than it already is!"

She was ready to say yet more, but stopped herself. "Your kind are not worthy of words," she spat, and plunged her spear down one last time into Veskit's chest cavity. It did not pierce his primary generator, but the machine had still recieved enough damage that it was at imminent risk of going offline, taking him with it. Veskit had been forced to reboot due to the head trauma inflicted upon him by the goddess, and had reactivated midway during her monologue, waiting for the moment she would expose herself to what she percieved as a vanquished threat. Now that instant had come, and he would exploit it for all it was worth.

The mechanical assassin's arms doubled in length with a great pneumatic hiss, unseen metal shooting outwards. They wrapped around Myrmidia's torso before she could react, pinning her arms to her sides and anchoring themselves in her spine. As she gasped in pain, Veskit's mechanisms reversed themselves, dragging the assassin up the length of her spear to pin his body against hers. He bit deeply into her shoulder in a grotesque parody of a comforting embrace, and as the war goddess staggered backwards the sound of choking, gurgling laughter issued out of Veskit's throat. He was still laughing when the warpstone bomb embedded in his chest cavity detonated, engulfing both him and the war goddess in a searing cloud of emerald flame.

Veskit was found eventually, most of his body rendered scrap by the blast. It was uncertain if he would even be able to be repaired, and if the result could even be called skaven at all. But Gnawdell would wager many warptokens that Eshin would make the effort nontheless - his utility as a propaganda piece, the skaven who had killed Myrmidia, would make it worth the cost. That the matter had turned out the way it did rankled her still, but she was consoled by the fact that Veskit's actions recieving such attention was solely due to spite. The other Great Clans had attempted to forestall their rise for generations, but the conquest of Estalia had finally proved the tipping point. In a slowly increasing flood, lesser clans were flocking to join the ranks of Mors, or being subjugated under their banner. New leaders popped up all over the map to man the subdisiary parts of Gnawdell's actualized empire, and she felt a grim satisfaction that her lifelong dream had been realized - Mors had become a Great Clan.

As much as Estalia's fall had brought her justly-deserved fame, however, there was one aspect of it she kept under wraps, something known only to her and Eshin (and the Nightlord had been oh so smug at obtaining such prize blackmail). After Veskit's detonation of his suicide device, his handlers had been quick to find him - and only him. His blackened carcass had been quite evident, but Myrmidia's body had been nowhere to be found. Gnawdell had the area thoroughly searched with giant rat packs, and managed to trace a scent trail to a nearby crevasse which led into a system of caverns, upon which it became impossible to tell where the goddess had gone. An unfortunate underling suggested that Myrmidia had surely died from the combination of her injuries, the fall into the caverns, and whatever monstrous creatures resided in that section of the underground. Gnawdell killed him for his impertinence, declaring that until she had seen a corpse in front of her the goddess was to be considered still alive and a priority for the newly ascended Great Clan to find.

There could be no loose ends.
- In general made Veskit more effective, Myrmidia actually takes damage in the fight scene, etc. The Leg Twist is banished, never to return!
- Cut out the ten million stabs because while theoretically cool, it didn't end up actually making much if any sense
- Put in actual reasoning for why Veskit played dead
- The Predator laugh comes after the grab because that makes more sense, as pointed out by at least 3 people
- Replaced the rather slipshod effort to generate uncertainty as to Myrmidia's fate with something that actually acknowledges the 'no body, no kill' trope and makes Gnawdell not seem stupid as hell - credit goes to Kairos123 for her course of action
- Veskit's warp bomb didn't leave a friggin blast shadow this time around either
- Veskit's condition put somewhat in uncertain state because frankly it makes sense with the way the writing turns out as opposed to how it turned out before
- Put in description of Mors' transitioning to Great Clan status
- That's about it probably, this was more of an extensive edit than a true rewrite but it hopefully achieves mostly the same effect. Lemme know, eh?

Hopefully it turned out better than the original version did - I did my best to address the major objections there were.

And now that that's done, we move onto spoopytown!
 
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It feels less 'over the top' and this time around we're certain the blast didn't kill her.
Overall, much improved in both flow and feel.

Of course, we are going to make the effort to repair and upgrade Veskit. And to pursue after the goddess like a dog worries a bone. No letting up until we have her head on a stick and the rest of her is used for something productive. She's a god, after all; lots of research to carry out on a body like that.
 
Well, we should propably put the Squeakless Snouts and maybe some Enshin with one or two authorities on listening through all of Tilea and the Border Princes.
That's where most of her remaining followers are, so we want to find out early if she appears and tries to get them to flee, or ally with a greater power, or whatever her new strategy would be.
 
We have her on the run, we need to pressure her and keep at her. We keep at it until the job is finished, no rest, no respite, no breath for her. We will drown the caverns in Skaven bodies if we must. You do not do an enemy a small injury, after all.
 
We have her on the run, we need to pressure her and keep at her. We keep at it until the job is finished, no rest, no respite, no breath for her. We will drown the caverns in Skaven bodies if we must. You do not do an enemy a small injury, after all.
Honestly, as long as we wipe out Tilea I'm fine with ignoring her for now.

As long as she doesn't go to Chaos or Tilea she can't really move against us as every other faction either has way too much going on to deal with us if we don't bother them. Chaos is powerful enough to target us as well as a million other fronts and Tilea has nothing else to deal with, so if any of them get her we have a problem, but any other faction we can just ignore really.

Unless she somehow manages to do something really unexpected like take command of the Greenskins somehow we only have to worry about her, at least on a short term basis, if she goes to Tilea or Chaos.
 
Honestly, as long as we wipe out Tilea I'm fine with ignoring her for now.

As long as she doesn't go to Chaos or Tilea she can't really move against us as every other faction either has way too much going on to deal with us if we don't bother them. Chaos is powerful enough to target us as well as a million other fronts and Tilea has nothing else to deal with, so if any of them get her we have a problem, but any other faction we can just ignore really.

Unless she somehow manages to do something really unexpected like take command of the Greenskins somehow we only have to worry about her, at least on a short term basis, if she goes to Tilea or Chaos.

The problem with ignoring a 'minor' issue early is that it has the chance to become a much larger issue if left alone.
She is our greatest foe; She knows our tactics, understands that we're a much bigger threat than anyone thought, and worst of all, has status now as a Martyr.
She -can- draw resources, aid, and troops that we wouldn't expect her to have, and use them to oppose us at the worst opportunities explicitly because she is a living god and we have crushed her homeland and slaughtered her people. That sort of thing is a great rallying call. 'Remember Cathay'.
Humans are very easily motivated by stories of grand destruction and darkness, especially when motivated to oppose that darkness by something bigger and grander then they. A living god out to avenge her fallen homeland is just the kind of thing to draw conscripts by the thousands.
If she lives, then what is a minor nuisance now, easily swatted, can grow to the end that leaving her alive will be our single greatest mistake.
 
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The problem with ignoring a 'minor' issue early is that it has the chance to become a much larger issue if left alone.
She is our greatest foe; She knows our tactics, understands that we're a much bigger threat than anyone thought, and worst of all, has status now as a Martyr.
She -can- draw resources, aid, and troops that we wouldn't expect her to have, and use them to oppose us at the worst opportunities explicitly because she is a living god and we have crushed her homeland and slaughtered her people. If she lives, then what is a minor nuisance now, easily swatted, can grow to the end that leaving her alive will be our single greatest mistake.
Yeah, but that only works if we actually fight her traditionally.

If, say, she goes to the Empire we can just let her deal with Chaos and potentially other factions for us while we cheat. It doesn't matter how powerful her armies and ability to project military force are if we go Fallout on her or turn the nation into a giant crater in an instant or giver all of her soldiers radiation poisoning or something.

If she joins up with any of the good guy factions then, unless she takes her faction and leaves the dimension/planet, she's not a threat because while she's busy with other things we can cheat and destroy her limited forces via unconventional means.

............

Shit, if she joins with the Wood Elves that's actually a massive problem as they can go places that no one besides them and the Beastmen can go. It's much harder for us to cheat the Wood Elves then any other Order factions.

Okay, Wood Elves, Chaos, and Tilea are the groups she cannot be allowed to join up with.
 
Shit, if she joins with the Wood Elves that's actually a massive problem as they can go places that no one besides them and the Beastmen can go. It's much harder for us to cheat the Wood Elves then any other Order factions.

May I ask what you mean by this? I know the Wood Elves have their secret places, but I wasn't aware the Beastmen can access/invade them.

If so...well, why don't we just devour the Beastmen? I mean, I know we will eventually, but this would make them a bit more important of a target for us. If they are our gateway to the Wood Elves.

Quick question, I don't think we have started to sketch out all of the plan for next turn just yet, so I would like to propose we start killing off secondary heirs to the Empire. Not the direct heirs for bloodlines, but rather the second and third sons who would traditionally join up to what ever outfit they can to find money/glory/honor.

Plant some evidence that it was by another family or even by Bretonnian nobles (Somehow?), and sow the disharmony as far as we can. A minor civil war would be nice.

EDIT: Actually, follow up, while it would help to kill a few people, we don't even really need to do something like that to raise tensions. Just have our spies or ignorant allies start raising tariffs into and out of places. 'So sorry you wanted that grain, you should have paid triple. It all went to the war up north. So sorry you're starving for now, but it will all be better once we kick those Norse back north again. We are doing this so you don't die!' Or something along those lines. If a few large granaries get set on fire right after the tariffs and taxes get implemented, well that is just tough luck.

I am assuming we have enough stooges inside the actual Empire to pull this off or something similar off.
 
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Yeah, but that only works if we actually fight her traditionally.

If, say, she goes to the Empire we can just let her deal with Chaos and potentially other factions for us while we cheat. It doesn't matter how powerful her armies and ability to project military force are if we go Fallout on her or turn the nation into a giant crater in an instant or giver all of her soldiers radiation poisoning or something.
You're working on the assumption that she's not tunnel visioned on us, that the fall of Cathay won't turn the rest of the human's heads as a 'big deal' and that everyone is stupid enough to ignore us.
She was half mad in grief and rage, Cathay -is- a big deal, and the rest of humanity isn't blind enough to just say 'oh, the hordes of chaos that aren't quite here yet are a bigger deal than the vermintide that is literally wiping out portions of civilization as we speak.'
I refuse to gamble on her willingly forgoing her revenge for less salient threats. I refuse to believe she's stupid enough to make the same mistake twice when she's literally the GODDESS OF TACTICS AND WARFARE who has been our enemy for THOUSANDS OF YEARS.
 
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If so...well, why don't we just devour the Beastmen? I mean, I know we will eventually, but this would make them a bit more important of a target for us. If they are our gateway to the Wood Elves.
No one else likes the Beastmen, so we can leave them alone to be a thorn in everyone else's side. There's 0 benefit to going after them. Yes, Chaos Dwarves were similar but they weren't leaving their homes.
 
May I ask what you mean by this? I know the Wood Elves have their secret places, but I wasn't aware the Beastmen can access/invade them.

If so...well, why don't we just devour the Beastmen? I mean, I know we will eventually, but this would make them a bit more important of a target for us. If they are our gateway to the Wood Elves.

I'm pretty sure that Beastmen can invade the hidden places and paths of the Forest that the Wood Elves have claimed. I can't 100% swear it as I'm having trouble finding that in the wiki, but I'm like 95% sure if it's a thing. If anyone more knowledgeable about then me about Warhammer would like to confirm or deny this I'd appreciate it.

Learning the Beastmen's secrets could work though, yeah. Of course, the Forest thing is pretty much the one secret they have and I'm pretty sure they understand it worse then the Wood Elves do while the Wood Elves have a ton of other secrets for us to take, but it could be worth it if only for ow much weaker at least one group of Beastmen are (Devouring all the Beastmen is way too much trouble at the moment, there are so many Beastmen.)

Quick question, I don't think we have started to sketch out all of the plan for next turn just yet, so I would like to propose we start killing off secondary heirs to the Empire. Not the direct heirs for bloodlines, but rather the second and third sons who would traditionally join up to what ever outfit they can to find money/glory/honor.

Plant some evidence that it was by another family or even by Bretonnian nobles (Somehow?), and sow the disharmony as far as we can. A minor civil war would be nice.

EDIT: Actually, follow up, while it would help to kill a few people, we don't even really need to do something like that to raise tensions. Just have our spies or ignorant allies start raising tariffs into and out of places. 'So sorry you wanted that grain, you should have paid triple. It all went to the war up north. So sorry you're starving for now, but it will all be better once we kick those Norse back north again. We are doing this so you don't die!' Or something along those lines. If a few large granaries get set on fire right after the tariffs and taxes get implemented, well that is just tough luck.

I am assuming we have enough stooges inside the actual Empire to pull this off or something similar off.

Honestly, Chaos's big army is right next door to the Emprie at the moment and is about to attack it, we know this as they've already taken Kislev and Kislev is directly in front of the Empire, so yeah, best to leave the Empire alone for now. We sort of really need the Empire to weaken/distract Chaos for us as Chaos is one of our two super huge problems at the moment, him and Nagash are our biggest threats. Not saying we don't have other threats, we do, but Chaos and Nagash are the big ones and we really need Chaos to not bother us for as long as possible.

You're working on the assumption that she's not tunnel visioned on us, that the fall of Cathay won't turn the rest of the human's heads as a 'big deal' and that everyone is stupid enough to ignore us.
She was half mad in grief and rage, Cathay -is- a big deal, and the rest of humanity isn't blind enough to just say 'oh, the hordes of chaos that aren't quite here yet are a bigger deal than the vermintide that is literally wiping out portions of civilization as we speak.'
I refuse to gamble on her willingly forgoing her revenge for less salient threats. I refuse to believe she's stupid enough to make the same mistake twice when she's literally the GODDESS OF TACTICS AND WARFARE who has been our enemy for THOUSANDS OF YEARS.

You do make good points, however, you are forgetting a few thing.

One, Cathay hasn't fallen yet and no one besides the Nippon and the Ogre's have an idea that we are playing even a portion as big a role in their assault as we are, and neither group has the whole story of what we've done so far or know for certain our plans for the future regarding Cathay. So you're definitely jumping the gun on this Cathay thing.

Second, as far as the rest of the world knows the majority of our territory is more then a country away, with both Bretonnia and the Border Princes blocking in between our territory, and that's assuming the Empire even learns about this as Estalia is pretty far away and we've killed most of the country, news takes time to spread and at the moment the Empire doesn't even know we exist. Meanwhile, Chaos has literally just taken Kislev, they are right on the border, war starts either at the end of this turn or beginning of next turn.

So, yeah, I'm thinking that to the Empire, the apocalypticlly powerful Chaos Army that is literally at their gate a second away from invading, the faction that has always been their nations greatest threat and is more powerful and more ready to throw down then even before, is more of a threat in their mind then the faction that they barely even realize exist, is all the way over in Estalia, and would have to get through Bretonnia to reach them.
 
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After a bit of thought I gave you guys the tech for Estalian steel, since you earned it and I honestly kinda forgot to when I posed the update in the first place.

Progress on the Dark Lands ... I haven't actually written anything yet, but I can say* that it'll take place over three** updates - one describing the initiation of hostilities, Thanquol's giant lightning storm thing, a bunch of the fighting, etc. Second part ... I'll let you guys see that when it happens. Then the third segment is the conclusion.

*with a 45% chance of actually being accurate
**ha
 
- Estalian Warships - Looted from Myrmidia's navy in a daring series of heists, these 17 ships have vastly improved designs over the Sea Rat, and perform better in every way. Requires 1 Authority, or free if Vrisk Ironscratch is assigned.
- Estalian Steel - The steel used by the manthings of Estalia is famed for its lighter weight and superior structural integrity compared to the metal used by other human nations. Now the tools for puzzling out its making have fallen into skaven hands. Requires 1 Authority or the assignment of an appropriate hero unit - the benefits will initially be felt only by the clan which researches it, but will almost certainly spread to other clans quickly after its introduction.
Very nice.
 
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