Artoria burst into one of the spare Master's Quarters. Ritsuka scrambled to get hold of his shirt, trying and failing to cover his shirtless body with his other hand.
"Well," Artoria began, shaking her head, "If you wanted to have some private time with Mash, you should have stayed in your own room. From the noises in here, I thought Blackbeard had relapsed again."
Ritsuka just smiled awkwardly in respone, sweat dripping down his forehead, "It's n-not-"
A knocking sound interrupted them, causing them both to turn around to see Mordred standing in the connected bathroom's doorway, wearing a fluffy red bathrobe and waving a small white tube."Yo, Master, is this thing supposed to turn pink?"
Ritsuka paled, while Artoria just gaped wordlessly like a fish, "How is it already positive? You only just got laid!"
"Homunculus, duh. We do everything faster." Mordred shrugged. "Now does anyone want to tell me what this thing means? Father, you have any ideas?"
Artoria snapped her mouth closed and whirled around to glare at Ritsuka again. "You got your older sister Pregnant?!"
"I'M WHAT?!!"
"She's not my older sister." Ritsuka protested, "She's more of a... cousin, I think."
Artoria shook her head, "That's still far too close. Why didn't I see this coming?" She froze, "Actually thinking about it, it all makes sense. Mordred undoubtedly learned these bad habits from my own elder sister and both of your parents found me extremely attractive."
"I don't want to hear this." Ritsuka muttered to himself.
Artoria ignored him, "No, I shouldn't be surprised. What am I going to tell Mash?" She whirled around to glare at the shellshocked Mordred. "I hope you're happy, young Lady. Now I have to inform everyone I'm going to be a Grandmother! I can feel the wrinkles coming on already."
"I'm not a woman." Mordred crossed her arms in a huff. "And anyway, you don't age."
"Don't think that will stop them." Artoria said before grabbing hold of Mordred's shoulder and started to frogmarch her out of the room. "And last I checked Men can't get pregnant unless Merlin is involved. Now come on, we've got a midnight appointment with Dr Roman to get to."
"I'm not sick though. Father!" Mordred protested as her voice grew fainter and fainter.
"Thank you, Master, for doing this." Jekyll said as he crawled out from under the bed.
"Thank Gilgamesh." Ritsuka grumbled, "He just barged into my room and dropped me into a portal and the next thing I know, I'm lying on top of Heroic Spirits in the middle of an orgy!"
He got up, pulling on his shirt as he did so, "Now I have to go explain this to Mash before Artoria tells her. Else D'Eon's going to end up 'consoling her', He airquoted sarcastically. "It's what the French do according to Auntie Artoria."
Jekyll opened his mouth to disagree, and then remembered he was English and closed it again.
"Try to find a room less likely to be searched next time." Ritsuka bid farewell, before leaving.
Jekyll lay in bed for a few minutes, his brow furrowed in thought, before he turned to the bed's other occupant, "... Fran, are you the Father or am I?"
"Uuuuuu." Fran nodded knowingly from her side of the bed.
"I really wish I could understand you."
