Extrication, or: Tricking Fate

I think we'd be better off making a goblet that like, summons water and purifies it rather than one that transmutes it?

Purification only removes, so it shouldn't be reversible in the same way.
I'm not sure that would really apply to transmutation-based magical items or if there is a signifcant difference but sure. I wasn't even really thinking of using transmutation for it anyway.
But when the clock strikes twelve...
Oh, that kind. Ugh. I prefer process-based transmutation.
 
[x] Use Divination to:
- [x] Research those ruling near your own little domain
- [x] Look into the backgrounds of all the people who insulted you
-- [x] Taking particular note of their loved ones who are dead
- [x] Look for an appropriate area begging for a hero, and a suitable hero you can maybe attach yourself to
- [x] Look around for a nearby bard you can consult on Echos
[x] Share your findings with the princess and your ghostly advisers, get their thoughts on the strategic/political situation.
-- [x] Girl talk with the princess! What's her story?
 
[x] Use Divination to:
- [x] Research those ruling near your own little domain
- [x] Look into the backgrounds of all the people who insulted you
-- [x] Taking particular note of their loved ones who are dead
- [x] Look for an appropriate area begging for a hero, and a suitable hero you can maybe attach yourself to
- [x] Look around for a nearby bard you can consult on Echos
[x] Share your findings with the princess and your ghostly advisers, get their thoughts on the strategic/political situation.
-- [x] Girl talk with the princess! What's her story?

Knowledge is power.
 
[x] Use Divination to:
- [x] Research those ruling near your own little domain
- [x] Look into the backgrounds of all the people who insulted you
-- [x] Taking particular note of their loved ones who are dead
- [x] Look for an appropriate area begging for a hero, and a suitable hero you can maybe attach yourself to
- [x] Look around for a nearby bard you can consult on Echos
[x] Share your findings with the princess and your ghostly advisers, get their thoughts on the strategic/political situation.
-- [x] Girl talk with the princess! What's her story?
Yes let's get more knowledge always a good plan.
 
[x] Use Divination to:
- [x] Research those ruling near your own little domain
- [x] Look into the backgrounds of all the people who insulted you
-- [x] Taking particular note of their loved ones who are dead
- [x] Look for an appropriate area begging for a hero, and a suitable hero you can maybe attach yourself to
- [x] Look around for a nearby bard you can consult on Echos
[x] Share your findings with the princess and your ghostly advisers, get their thoughts on the strategic/political situation.
-- [x] Girl talk with the princess! What's her story?
 
[x] Use Divination to:
- [x] Research those ruling near your own little domain
- [x] Look into the backgrounds of all the people who insulted you
-- [x] Taking particular note of their loved ones who are dead
- [x] Look for an appropriate area begging for a hero, and a suitable hero you can maybe attach yourself to
- [x] Look around for a nearby bard you can consult on Echos
[x] Share your findings with the princess and your ghostly advisers, get their thoughts on the strategic/political situation.
-- [x] Girl talk with the princess! What's her story?
 
Okay, show of hands, who thinks I should check in on Alivaril? Well, contact his family and make sure he hasn't been abducted by space badgers or something. He's been shockingly silent for the last two days.

Edit: If he hadn't moved I could have walked to his house. Unfortunately, he's now far enough away I must work via proxy.
 
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Okay, show of hands, who thinks I should check in on Alivaril? Well, contact his family and make sure he hasn't been abducted by space badgers or something. He's been shockingly silent for the last two days.

Edit: If he hadn't moved I could have walked to his house. Unfortunately, he's now far enough away I must work via proxy.
...has somebody tried a PM?
 
A PM would only be seen if he got on, which doesn't help if he, for example, fell behind on homework or something and is now unable to get on until he finishes it. He hasn't posted anything since he PM'd me a couple nights ago.
Hm. That does seem unusual. Nothing at all? Heck, you know you the man. If you're concerned that he's dropped out of contact, go ahead. Friends look out for friends, after all.
 
Hm. That does seem unusual. Nothing at all? Heck, you know you the man. If you're concerned that he's dropped out of contact, go ahead. Friends look out for friends, after all.
I'd probably hear if something particularly bad happened, but I figure I'll ask around. Alivaril tends to drop out of contact every once in a while due to procrastination and then trying to get done all the work he procrastinated on done quickly. This is has disrupted our attempts to play D&D on ocassion. That and his 'net connection isn't the best. It's not hugely common, but it does happen. I was more asking since I feel you guys deserve an actual explanation.
 
I'd probably hear if something particularly bad happened, but I figure I'll ask around. Alivaril tends to drop out of contact every once in a while due to procrastination and then trying to get done all the work he procrastinated on done quickly. This is has disrupted our attempts to play D&D on ocassion. That and his 'net connection isn't the best. It's not hugely common, but it does happen. I was more asking since I feel you guys deserve an actual explanation.
Aha. I am patient. If an author needs some time, I can wait.
 
Aha. I am patient. If an author needs some time, I can wait.
Yes, but I am his friend, and he really needs to kick this habit of dropping out of contact without a word. It's kinda rude. I thought he had, but he seems to be backsliding a bit. When it was just the D&D group it was bad enough, but that was like 4 or 5 people max. This thread has quite a few more people on it than that. Not exactly something I find cool, if it's just homework or writer's block. Net connection is a different issue. The fact that you guys are patient and willing to tolerate it doesn't really make it any less rude.
 
If you look on his profile under the "Recent Activity" tab, he rated a post a couple hours ago.
 
Man I came here expecting a ton of posts and votes I'd missed but nope... Kinda glad to not have missed much really.
 
[Jk] prepare a necromatic ritual that puts us in suspended animation untill a divination proves that the echo has gotten bored of us.

The above is what i would do in this situation... after asking a bard.

[x] Use Divination to:
- [x] Research those ruling near your own little domain
- [x] Look into the backgrounds of all the people who insulted you
-- [x] Taking particular note of their loved ones who are dead
- [x] Look for an appropriate area begging for a hero, and a suitable hero you can maybe attach yourself to
- [x] Look around for a nearby bard you can consult on Echos
[x] Share your findings with the princess and your ghostly advisers, get their thoughts on the strategic/political situation.
-- [x] Girl talk with the princess! What's her story?

Another suggestion for later is to message the various comunity leaders of our land and ask them to ignore any obviously insane or evil commands that we hand out. They should also start stockpileing things like food and paint incase the echo starts messing with foodstocks and makes everything look dready.

If the echo has more to focus on away from us the better. Other options include...
  • To sponcer various feastaves for the duration.
  • To send messengers as far as possable warning rulers of the involvement of an echo.
  • My joke option above... could be a last resort. By hiring someone who kills us to take over the kingdom.
  • Make ourselves temporally forget all iffy magic
  • Sponcer a bounch of churches in our lands. Maybe the gods know something
 
[x] Use Divination to:
- [x] Research those ruling near your own little domain
- [x] Look into the backgrounds of all the people who insulted you
-- [x] Taking particular note of their loved ones who are dead
- [x] Look for an appropriate area begging for a hero, and a suitable hero you can maybe attach yourself to
- [x] Look around for a nearby bard you can consult on Echos
[x] Share your findings with the princess and your ghostly advisers, get their thoughts on the strategic/political situation.
-- [x] Girl talk with the princess! What's her story?
 
Part 2: Privacy? Secrets? What are those?
[x] Use Divination to:
- [x] Research those ruling near your own little domain.
- [x] Look into the backgrounds of all the people who insulted you.
-- [x] Taking particular note of their loved ones who are dead.


You live, and rule over, a charming little forest known as the Ghostlight Woods. At times, it seems like the forest can't decide whether it wants to be dark, dead, and dreary, or overgrown and dangerous. Thankfully, human corpses seem to make wonderful fertilizer. This means you can cut it back with skeletal assistants when it's trying to grow too much and feed it zombies when it wants to die.

There is little of interest to the north, only a massive river followed by lands too cold for anyone sane to want to live there. This doesn't stop people from trying, nor do your comments stop them from succeeding. Two rulers catch your attention, neither of them human. Queen Irinia is what's known as a "Snow Maiden," although it seems like she's closer to being made of a mixture of ice and magic with little to no snow involved. She's capable of using magic, specializing in weather control, and has kept conditions relatively stable under her rule. Despite having a reputation for a literal heart of ice, it would seem she's just awfully lonely. You're guessing a marriage-related Echo will hit her within the next few years—or, since she's not human, decades.

Emperor Jack took over a surprisingly large area two years, three months, and nine days ago. He seems to be deliberately trying, and failing, to claim the role of Jack Frost. Considering the last few have yet to die, you're not surprised. As such, while Jack is a spirit of winter, he's weak and will probably be ousted within the next few years.

To your west-northwest is something called "The Cathedral of Nightmares." The silly name doesn't appear to just be for show; even with your level of skill, you can't see the interior and the exterior seems to be constantly dripping blood. You don't see anyone going in or out and the sun seems to be overcast at all times.

To the southwest and west is the Sundered River, a holy river lined with cities and towns intended to cater to pilgrims. Hostile Echoes frequently pop up and are subsequently eliminated with only a few casualties each time. You initially suspected there might've been someone specific getting rid of them, but it would seem the teachings of the local church are sufficient for the kinds of Echoes which show up. The closest things to rulers are the various religious figures occupying the area, but surprisingly, there only seems to be a minimum amount of corruption along the entire river. Perhaps their habit of using it as a water supply might have something to do with it? Drinking from it yourself may dispel the Echo pursuing you this time around. Of course, it might also painfully convert your internal organs into ash, but it would certainly be the quickest method. If you're very, very lucky, you might even end up as some sort of a "holy maiden." ...Wait. Don't those tend to end up as martyrs with unfortunate frequency? Souls damn it.

Among those in charge of the area, Archbishop Luke could be considered the actual ruler. No matter how hard you try, you can't manage to find any awful sins lying around; unless he has someone capable of blocking even you, he really is what he appears to be: a living saint. At sixty years old, he's had more than a few Echoes latch on to him and try to turn him into a martyr over the course of his life. It would appear he's always managed to weasel out of it via doing something males seem surprisingly reluctant to do a lot of the time: Asking for help.

The Kraken Sea is to your south and southwest. Despite the name, there don't seem to be any tentacled monstrosities terrorizing the local port cities. A surprisingly large slave trade, yes, but the monsters in charge of those operations seem perfectly human.

Dry planes occupy your east, northeast, and northwest. This area seems to be where the vast majority of your letters seem to be coming from; lately, it's been locked in perpetual conflict as one of the major rulers died with only a single successor. In theory, he committed suicide out of grief, but you learn he was actually assassinated. The assassin was soon killed by his employer, who was then killed by the assassin's friends.

Currently, there appear to be three especially noteworthy individuals in charge of their own little slices of land. Each of them seems to be increasing their influence and eliminating weaker warlords by the week.

Noyon Batbayar has an unfortunate reputation for ruthlessness which, it turns out, he really doesn't deserve. An Echo seems to have latched on to him and intends to make all his actions be interpreted for the worse until after his death, whereupon his noble actions will finally be recognized as such and he'll be remembered as a hero. Probably. You might be thinking of the wrong Echo.

Noyon Ganbaatar is the most powerful warlord out of those who insulted you. It would seem you're expected to ignore most of the others; a good quarter of them aren't even alive anymore. Ganbaatar became famous due to his notable skill with a bow and arrow and accompanying temper. While he seems to be a relatively kind man much of the time, it's remarkably easy to goad him into a rage and keep him there for quite some time.

Ganbaatar's wife died in childbirth about eight years back, leaving him a daughter he despised and subsequently handed off to a barren mother where he used to live. The daughter in question doesn't even appear to know he exists, although Ganbaatar himself still appears to mourn the loss of his wife.

Noyon Naranbaatar, despite what "he" may want others to believe, isn't actually male at all. Her actual name is Gerel and she appears to have the backing of the mythical Port of Beryl. While seemingly weaker than the other major warlords and certainly less skilled than them, she has access to tools and assets they do not and knows how to use them effectively. You suspect she'll have control over the plains within the next decade or two.


- [x] Look for an appropriate area begging for a hero, and a suitable hero you can maybe attach yourself to.

Unless you're very much mistaken, it would appear you currently possess four options for potential heroes.

Sister Coralie is a junior priestess heading out from one of the cities lining the Sundered River. A knight, Corin Fletcher, accompanies her, but judging by the other Echoes in the area, your focus shouldn't be on him. She's headed to the north, and although their path shouldn't take them all the way up to the Cathedral of Nightmares, you suspect they'll end up there anyway. You don't know whether they'll die at that point, but you find it likely, barring some miracle—

You rest your head in one hand. Right. Priestess. One miracle, coming right up.

The second, Esther Sault, was a moderately-clumsy messenger who appears to have gotten caught up as part a movement to free slaves via force and deception. He's not clumsy anymore and has taken to using a rapier for reasons beyond you. They're happy to accept volunteers, although you suspect Esther is going to rescue a "love interest" quite soon. Either way, there are multiple methods of joining their movement, some of which would be more embarrassing for you than others.

The third is in King Jack's domain and may very well kill him shortly. Grisha Issakov is a blacksmith's son and recently found a ruby among his father's belongings. When his father died, Grisha forged a sword with the ruby set in its pummel, producing a rather impressive flaming sword. As Grisha appears to have neither skill with enchantment nor any sort of magical potential at all, you're positive an Echo is involved somehow.

Grisha, being a practical sort, has kept it unsheathed and is taking full advantage of it as a source of heat. He hasn't left his village yet, but you suspect it's only a matter of time until he does. A bit of digging reveals that the ruby fell off a trader's cart and was picked up by Grisha's great-grandfather. Prior to that, it was part of a dragon's horde for several centuries, and before that, it was extracted from the earth by a dwarf who would later become a king.

The last hero, as far as you can tell, is the hero for your Echo. Or at least, a hero; you suspect he's supposed to die in order to make room for a better one. Ethan Faure is the leader of an eight-man squad of knights heading straight toward your little forest. He's been instructed to "Find whatever evil has taken root there and burn it out." Despite his reputation for being pure of heart, he seems to have remarkably few qualms when it comes to killing people if he believes their sins warrant such. On the other hand, he seems perfectly willing to make detours to help lost or endangered travelers. Ethan seems to be a bit sexist, but as he leans more toward "Women are to be protected and don't belong in danger" instead of "Women are brainless ornaments," you can forgive him for that.


- [x] Look around for a nearby bard you can consult on Echos.

The closest bard to allegedly fit your requirements is one Alan Glenn Lister, a surprisingly good harp player who really should've been given a permanent position by now. He appears to make a habit of wandering along the villages and towns in the area between your domain and the Sundered River. With the assistance of magic, it would likely only take you a day or two for you to reach him; without it, ten times that period.


[x] Share your findings with the princess and your ghostly advisers, get their thoughts on the strategic/political situation.

While Princess Florette, Lord Clarus, Lord Misha, and Lord Nazarius all seem unusually surprised by your summons, they show up in your chambers within a few minutes. Your explanation takes quite a bit longer, but fortunately, they seem to grasp what you're getting at remarkably quickly.

Lord Misha is the first to speak after you're done filling them in.

"Declaring war on anyone nearby is... not the best of ideas. Casualties are inevitable, from human stupidity, disease, accidents, and/or starvation if nothing else. I expect even a single death would cement you in the role of a villain; based on how you've been acting lately, that would be the end of you."

You open your mouth to angrily object, then shut it with a snap. That would just prove him right, wouldn't it?

You're guessing Lord Misha saw your initial reaction since he just nods grimly.

"Raising a warlord's loved ones would almost certainly lead to them not only attacking you, but doing so with the assistance of their subordinates. As such, allow me to mark it off as a bad idea for the same reasons I objected to warfare. This entire area is dangerous for even prepared mortals; unless you were to actively lend them your aid, I believe many would die long before they reached you. Even if you did help them, you are not omnipotent. Mistakes happen, and with an Echo interfering, those equal death."

Lord Nazarius waits patiently until several seconds after Lord Misha is finished speaking.

"None of us are an expert on Echoes, Iris. I didn't even know they existed until decades after my death. My advice would be to consult the bard or Archbishop Luke; the former will cost you little or nothing and may prove useful, while even the act of trying to get help from the latter may be powerful in its own right."

"Seconded." Lord Clarus echoes.

"I think you could survive drinking from the river," Princess Florette pipes up. With a mask of warring enthusiasm and concern, she reminds you of a small, slightly unintelligent puppy. She keeps her hands folded neatly in her lap; even in death, she remains at least a little vain. "Countless people do it every year and quite a few of them are, quite frankly, brutes."

Florette pauses, her face turning slightly pink. You distantly note that such a reaction would be beyond her without your meddling.

"As in, cruel and that sort of thing. Many of them are strong, that's to be expected; plenty of jobs require manual labor or strength to get by. There's nothing wrong with that. Anyway, almost none of them ever die and you're nicer than they are. You'll be fine, this Echo will be driven off, and our lives will return to normal."

Florette turns an even darker shade of pink.

"Unlives? Please tell me you know what I mean. I'll be quiet now."

Despite the severe lack of any real lungs with which to do so, Lord Nazarius coughs. You're guessing he was covering up a small laugh.

"We do, don't worry." You pat the shrinking princess on the shoulder, prompting her to look up with some small amount of happiness and worship. Just like a puppy. Maybe I should get her one? "You don't need to be quiet. I invited you here because I wanted to know what you thought."

Lord Nazarius coughs again.

"Returning to the topic at hand, I have little to no comment to provide on the water-drinking suggestion. Personally, I believe that may be a little risky, but it sounds like even sneezing would be at this point. Do what you believe is necessary to survive. I rather like being able to taste real food again and the lack of gut troubles resulting from unhealthy habits is a rather nice perk."


-- [x] Girl talk with the princess! What's her story?

While you're tempted to interrogate Florette about her past, you elect not to. When you've asked in the past, it's always remained a sensitive topic which occasionally ended with tears; based on what you've heard from the other residents, she was brutally murdered prior to her coronation by someone dear to her. One ghost—you forget who—commented "A particularly pole-assed priest would not have approved of their relationship."

Instead...

"Thank you for your time. Feel free to go back to whatever else you were doing prior to my call; if you think of anything else or need anything, you know how to find me."

Being polite never hurt anyone, and it may help fight off the wretched Echo creeping up on you.



[] Gather more information, if possible.
-[] On who or what? (write-in)

[] Travel to the Sundered River.
-[] Drink from it. All the options available to you seem to be at least a little bit risky, and at least this one would be quick either way.
--[] Bind your soul to a gem beforehand to make sure you'll technically live on even if your body dies.
---[] And make sure you have a suitable body ready for you to occupy should things go wrong. You don't intend to possess some random individual just to keep yourself alive; even planning to do such would likely mean the river would kill you.
-[] Go on a pilgrimage to the cities along it. You honestly have no idea whether or not it will work, but it may be worth a try.
-[] Contact Archbishop Luke and ask for his help.

[] Head out to visit the bard, Alan Glenn Lister.
-[] Ask if he knows about the effects Fate can have on unwilling individuals.
--[] Regardless of whether he does or not, tell him it's trying to force you into the role of an evil sorceress and you'd very much appreciate some help getting out of it.

[] Travel to the area near one of the potential heroes.
-[] Sister Coralie & Corin Fletcher.
-[] Esther Sault & "The Resistance."
--[] Just show up at one of their safehouses and ask if you can join.
--[] Use divination to find out what the usual methods are and do that. You may not have a recommendation or anything like that, but maybe everyone will assume someone else did it?
--[] Free as many slaves as possible until they contact YOU. You may cement yourself as more important that way.
--[] *sigh* Give one of your ghostly tenants a real body for a little while and have them sell you to someplace which will shortly be raided. You'll probably end up as a love interest or something else stupid and/or embarrassing if you do this, but it's worth a try. You can always fight your way out if things go wrong; it's not like you'll be a real Distressed Damsel.
-[] Grisha Issakov, the smith with the flaming sword.
-[] Ethan Faure, the hero of your own Echo.

[] Write-in
 
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You're guessing a marriage-related Echo will hit her within the next few years—or, since she's not human, decades.

I sense this as a possible out, but it would be pretty hard.

Ethan seems to be a bit sexist, but as he leans more toward "Women are to be protected and don't belong in danger" instead of "Women are brainless ornaments," you can forgive him for that.

I guess we could also try like ingratiating ourselves with him somehow?

--[] Use divination to find out what the usual methods are and do that. You may not have a recommendation or anything like that, but maybe everyone will assume someone else did it?

This almost certainly ends poorly, with them thinking we're a spy.

--[] *sigh* Give one of your ghostly tenants a real body for a little while and have them sell you to someplace which will shortly be raided. You'll probably end up as a love interest or something else stupid and/or embarrassing if you do this, but it's worth a try. You can always fight your way out if things go wrong; it's not like you'll be a real Distressed Damsel.

This one has a bonus tempting fate already included, for free! But Damsel isn't that bad of an ending, and we could end up the party caster maybe?
 
At sixty years old, he's had more than a few Echoes latch on to him and try to turn him into a martyr over the course of his life. It would appear he's always managed to weasel out of it via doing something males seem surprisingly reluctant to do a lot of the time: Asking for help.
That's a hint.

And an option - go to her, ask for help with the echo and offer to help with the quest.
 
Queen Irinia is what's known as a "Snow Maiden," although it seems like she's closer to being made of a mixture of ice and magic with little to no snow involved. She's capable of using magic, specializing in weather control, and has kept conditions relatively stable under her rule. Despite having a reputation for a literal heart of ice, it would seem she's just awfully lonely. You're guessing a marriage-related Echo will hit her within the next few years—or, since she's not human, decades.
Friend get.
Among those in charge of the area, Archbishop Luke could be considered the actual ruler. No matter how hard you try, you can't manage to find any awful sins lying around; unless he has someone capable of blocking even you, he really is what he appears to be: a living saint. At sixty years old, he's had more than a few Echoes latch on to him and try to turn him into a martyr over the course of his life. It would appear he's always managed to weasel out of it via doing something males seem surprisingly reluctant to do a lot of the time: Asking for help.
Wise mystic figure get.
Noyon Batbayar has an unfortunate reputation for ruthlessness which, it turns out, he really doesn't deserve. An Echo seems to have latched on to him and intends to make all his actions be interpreted for the worse until after his death, whereupon his noble actions will finally be recognized as such and he'll be remembered as a hero. Probably. You might be thinking of the wrong Echo.
Poor guy. Meeting up with him could kick off a "two people unjustly maligned by fate" story line though, which would either redeem us or kill us horribly and tragically.
Ganbaatar's wife died in childbirth about eight years back, leaving him a daughter he despised and subsequently handed off to a barren mother where he used to live. The daughter in question doesn't even appear to know he exists, although Ganbaatar himself still appears to mourn the loss of his wife.
...Would that make us some kind of evil stepmother figure?
Sister Coralie is a junior priestess heading out from one of the cities lining the Sundered River. A knight, Corin Fletcher, accompanies her, but judging by the other Echoes in the area, your focus shouldn't be on him. She's headed to the north, and although their path shouldn't take them all the way up to the Cathedral of Nightmares, you suspect they'll end up there anyway. You don't know whether they'll die at that point, but you find it likely, barring some miracle—

You rest your head in one hand. Right. Priestess. One miracle, coming right up.
Priestess, quest for redemption, and we could help out, but I'd bet that our solutions would always fall through because using magic is cheating, or something, only for her to get us out of the predicament with faith. Redemption would probably end up with us either dying or renouncing our ways.
The second, Esther Sault, was a moderately-clumsy messenger who appears to have gotten caught up as part a movement to free slaves via force and deception. He's not clumsy anymore and has taken to using a rapier for reasons beyond you. They're happy to accept volunteers, although you suspect Esther is going to rescue a "love interest" quite soon. Either way, there are multiple methods of joining their movement, some of which would be more embarrassing for you than others.
Mysterious backer, maybe? But those usually end up being either a Big Good or a Big Bad, and we're not being cast as Good.
The third is in King Jack's domain and may very well kill him shortly. Grisha Issakov is a blacksmith's son and recently found a ruby among his father's belongings. When his father died, Grisha forged a sword with the ruby set in its pummel, producing a rather impressive flaming sword. As Grisha appears to have neither skill with enchantment nor any sort of magical potential at all, you're positive an Echo is involved somehow.

Grisha, being a practical sort, has kept it unsheathed and is taking full advantage of it as a source of heat. He hasn't left his village yet, but you suspect it's only a matter of time until he does. A bit of digging reveals that the ruby fell off a trader's cart and was picked up by Grisha's great-grandfather. Prior to that, it was part of a dragon's horde for several centuries, and before that, it was extracted from the earth by a dwarf who would later become a king.
I don't really see how we'd fit in here.
The last hero, as far as you can tell, is the hero for your Echo. Or at least, a hero; you suspect he's supposed to die in order to make room for a better one. Ethan Faure is the leader of an eight-man squad of knights heading straight toward your little forest. He's been instructed to "Find whatever evil has taken root there and burn it out." Despite his reputation for being pure of heart, he seems to have remarkably few qualms when it comes to killing people if he believes their sins warrant such. On the other hand, he seems perfectly willing to make detours to help lost or endangered travelers. Ethan seems to be a bit sexist, but as he leans more toward "Women are to be protected and don't belong in danger" instead of "Women are brainless ornaments," you can forgive him for that.
Ah, one of those. The self-righteous almost-heroes, that is. We could be nice to him, but the thing is that it isn't exactly unheard of for them to become corrupted by the big bad and show up at the end as a Black Knight for the Climatic Duel with the Plucky Young Hero who they had a rivalry with before, only to be Redeemed at the last second before Evil can Win and end up killing off their own boss.

Looking at you, Vader.
The closest bard to allegedly fit your requirements is one Alan Glenn Lister, a surprisingly good harp player who really should've been given a permanent position by now. He appears to make a habit of wandering along the villages and towns in the area between your domain and the Sundered River. With the assistance of magic, it would likely only take you a day or two for you to reach him; without it, ten times that period.
Offer him patronage. He can help out, as long as we don't abuse him any he won't be an Imprisoned Entertainer, and he probably won't end up as a skeleton telling bad puns to random passerby.
"I think you could survive drinking from the river," Princess Florette pipes up. With a mask of warring enthusiasm and concern, she reminds you of a small, slightly unintelligent puppy. She keeps her hands folded neatly in her lap; even in death, she remains at least a little vain. "Countless people do it every year and quite a few of them are, quite frankly, brutes."

Florette pauses, her face turning slightly pink. You distantly note that such a reaction would be beyond her without your meddling.

"As in, cruel and that sort of thing. Many of them are strong, that's to be expected; plenty of jobs require manual labor or strength to get by. There's nothing wrong with that. Anyway, almost none of them ever die and you're nicer than they are. You'll be fine, this Echo will be driven off, and our lives will return to normal."

Florette turns an even darker shade of pink.

"Unlives? Please tell me you know what I mean. I'll be quiet now."

Despite the severe lack of any real lungs with which to do so, Lord Nazarius coughs. You're guessing he was covering up a small laugh.

"We do, don't worry." You pat the shrinking princess on the shoulder, prompting her to look up with some small amount of happiness and worship. Just like a puppy. Maybe I should get her one? "You don't need to be quiet. I invited you here because I wanted to know what you thought."
She's cute, and we should definitely both get her that puppy and make sure that it doesn't end up as a zombie puppy or anything, because that would be just as bad for us as it would be for her mood.

I think we should definitely both Hire The Bard and Consult With The Archbishop, and maybe see if he thinks it would be wise to purge ourself in the river.

Also, using the crystal to become a Lich beforehand would just be asking for it.
 
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