CmptrWz's Random Snippets

Use of Snippets
As a general note: All snippets in this thread can be considered up for adoption, with a couple of basic conditions:
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The thing I find most odd about it is Sasuke not referring to Kurama by name...
He doesn't have perfect memory from loop to loop, which is why the technique used gives him a basic storage seal that travels with him. Thus, if he doesn't put it in his notes then he's a lot less likely to remember it over time. To that end, unless he wrote it down, he may not remember that Kurama even has a name.
 
Actually the easiest way for Sasuke to ensure the Sharingan continues is already taken care of: ensure one or more other Uchiha survive. The problem is with Sasuke's genetics, caused by seals placed on his parents, presumably his cousins Riko and Kanna have the potential to awaken the Sharingan as normal, and their children will have the potential too whether their father is Sasuke or not.
 
I suspect that the easiest fix is to get a sperm sample, then pull off a genderbender and impregnate herself with his own sperm. The resulting kids would be horribly inbred, but they would probably have the Sharingan, and just might have enough Sharingan genetics to pass it down further.

More realistically it would take a few more generations of intra-family breeding (think the sort of stuff biologists have to do with their lab rats), and then a few more generations of further careful breeding to keep the Sharingan without having the people with it look too outrageously ugly.
But it would at least (probably) move the problem from "impossible even in principle" to "possible at least in principle".

This all assumes that gender bending at that level is possible. the only instance I know of it in canon is the 'Sexy Clone Jutsu', and that's not the same thing at all.

I should also point out that your second suggestion is morally and ethically repugnant, to the level of something that the Third Reich tried. Not only that, there's a strong risk that it wouldn't work anyway; two copies of what is essentially the same genetic pattern is likely to end with sterility of any children without dicking about with the genes. If Sasuke was able to do something like that, then he wouldn't have had to fuck around with time travel.
 
Naruto - Kidnappings
At two years of age, one Naruto Uzumaki had become the bane of those assigned to take care of him. Somehow, and nobody knew how, he'd learned how to escape from almost anything intended to keep him contained. Several Uchiha had claimed that he'd vanished in the span of time that it'd taken them to blink with their Sharingan active, and at least one Yamanaka had been able to confirm that it had apparently happened that way on two different occasions.

Of course, escaping every day, if not two or three times a day, wasn't enough for the boy. No, invariably they'd find him only after he'd decided that it was time to sleep, and three out of five times they found him back in his own bed at that point. The only reason that they knew that he'd left the house at all was that he, somehow, found others his age in the village and brought them back with him to play. Initially civilian children, but they'd apparently been too easy and the boy liked a challenge.

He'd been caught the first four times he'd tried to grab Kiba Inuzaka, but somehow Naruto had found a way around the clan's canine partners. Shino Aburame had taken nine attempts, though some of that was Naruto finding insects more interesting to play with than dogs. Shikamaru Nara had only been taken once, on the first try, and that had apparently been too easy so Naruto had also grabbed Choji Akimichi that day. Ino Yamanaka vanished on a semi-regular basis because of the clan's 'pretty flowers', and Sasuke Uchiha was practically scheduled for 'play dates' due to Naruto's adventures in finding ways around the Sharingan. Exploits that the clan encouraged, because most of them seemed to rely on lazy guards. It wasn't entirely predictable, but getting around the 'spinny red eyes' was a favorite of Naruto's.

The biggest headache was when Naruto, through means nobody could explain, had learned of Hinata Hyuuga. Unlike the other clans, the Hyuuga had been able to keep Naruto out for nearly thirty attempts. It was a point of pride for them, even after the boy grabbed little Hinata for the first time. The elders had been furious, but Hiashi and his wife had found it amusing. Further, similarly to the Uchiha in general, they saw it as a good training exercise for the guards. After all, if they couldn't keep a two year old out of the compound then they were obviously slacking off.

Most days Naruto stuck to one of his preferred playmates, which were the ones that were hardest to get to. Once said playmate was discovered and returned home it was usually enough for the boy. Every so often he'd grab more than one, usually when the guards had been particularly lax on one of the kids. Occasionally Naruto wouldn't grab anyone, though whether that was because he'd failed to or hadn't tried was usually unknown. Most importantly, they'd found that if you distracted him in the correct way then you could get anywhere from a full day to the better part of a week without him grabbing anyone.



A couple months past Naruto's third birthday, as the year drew to a close, the village had pulled out all the stops to distract the boy for a few days. The treats and puzzles that could occupy his time had been carefully held back for a month, their return planned out carefully to hopefully get a full two weeks without him causing trouble. They only needed a week, admittedly, but were planning for more in the hopes of getting that week.

Two days in it appeared to be working, and they were very happy with themselves. Kumo's delegation arrived, and talks began. Things became strained in the background very quickly though, because it was obvious that the delegation was examining security of clan compounds far too thoroughly for anyone's tastes. Security measures were going to need to shift as soon as the delegation left, it seemed.

The day the treaty was signed there was a celebration, and that evening Kumo's Head Ninja attempted to sneak into the Hyuuga compound undetected. He was spotted, though the guards merely followed him and alerted others instead of attacking him directly. Better to find out what he wanted, and possibly catch him red-handed. That changed when he went straight for young Hinata's room, guards and two of the elders intercepted him as he entered the room. He was disabled successfully, only after which did anyone note that they had, somehow, not woken Hinata up.

That particular good mood was obliterated by the discovery that Hinata was not, in fact, in the room.



"Oh come on," the ANBU watching over Naruto groaned when he looked in on the boy. "When did you find time to grab the Hyuuga Heiress? And is that a cake? With candles? Where in the world did you get a cake, and how in the world did you light the candles?"
 
For some reason I can only think of this as an old retired naruto finding himself in the body of his child self and deciding to just screw around for fun.
Same here.
That thus several things are thus derailed...

How long before the police is a mix between Kurita & Hyuuga clans?
With other clans adding to them with their own clan skills, for the special investigation & SWAT groups?
I can see thus, one of the police it's tasks, during their patrols, to stop Naruto pulling what he is somehow pulling.

So, second coming of the Yellow Flash?
Would be funny if thats how Naruto is doing it after the first few times.
How much is the old guard thus suspecting the fox is wispering to Naruto?
Because THATs not normaly kid behaviour, even IN a ninja village.
Meaning, is Naruto his godfather & aunty, being called back to Konoha, for a very detailed check-up?
 
Now I'm imagining Naruto accidentally (or "accidentally") derailing the Uchiha Massacre by kidnapping some of the targets, and/or some of the perpetrators.

...Assuming that the Massacre even happens ITTL, which it might not if the butterflies go far enough.
 
Same here.
That thus several things are thus derailed...

How long before the police is a mix between Kurita & Hyuuga clans?
With other clans adding to them with their own clan skills, for the special investigation & SWAT groups?
I can see thus, one of the police it's tasks, during their patrols, to stop Naruto pulling what he is somehow pulling.

So, second coming of the Yellow Flash?
Would be funny if thats how Naruto is doing it after the first few times.
How much is the old guard thus suspecting the fox is wispering to Naruto?
Because THATs not normaly kid behaviour, even IN a ninja village.
Meaning, is Naruto his godfather & aunty, being called back to Konoha, for a very detailed check-up?

Kurita? Who are they?

About the Yellow Flash: Shouldn't there be a "Yellow Flash" when he teleports?
If not: not Yellow Flash. Invisible Flash.

Or even: Naruto invented his own Space Time Jutsu that lets him teleport anywhere he wants(Not just markers like the Hiraishin).
 
Kurita? Who are they?

About the Yellow Flash: Shouldn't there be a "Yellow Flash" when he teleports?
If not: not Yellow Flash. Invisible Flash.

Or even: Naruto invented his own Space Time Jutsu that lets him teleport anywhere he wants(Not just markers like the Hiraishin).
Nah, IIRC, they called him the Yellow Flash because of his hair; as in you'd just see a glimpse of blond hair as he killed the guy next to you.
 
HP - The Hidden House
Eight year old Harry Potter wasn't sure why nobody ever came looking for him when he hid in the backyard of 7 Privet Drive. Nor was he certain why nobody seemed to care that the yard was never taken care of. His Aunt was unusually critical of every other house on the street, but never mentioned number 7. Perhaps she knew that it was a waste, because nobody lived there? Or at least Harry had never seen anyone, or even seen the lights on.

Unfortunately, today he'd been locked out by his cousin, in the cold, without even his admittedly poor jacket. He'd go stay with Mrs. Figg to warm up, but knew that she was away for a few days. Sadly, that meant that he had nowhere else to go as the sun set. Sure, eventually his Aunt would come looking for him, likely annoyed, but that might not be until he wasn't available to make breakfast in the morning.

Knowing that none of the other neighbors would want him near their houses, he found himself wandering over to number 7. He had a small stash of items under the back porch, but he didn't think any of them would help keep him warm. Sadly, he couldn't quite fit under there himself, not like he could a couple years prior. A quick check showed that he was right, nothing he'd hidden away would help keep him warm. Worse, the bottle of water had frozen, so he couldn't even drink some of it.

Grumbling to himself, he wandered the backyard a little, if only to keep moving, but wasn't sure what to do. Not for the first time, he occasionally looked at the back door of the house and considered trying to go inside. Nobody lived there, so there wasn't anyone to care if he went in. Except that he'd always been afraid that whoever did own the house would find out and he'd end up punished. Besides, he didn't know how to get the back door open, since he knew it was locked from some exploration after he'd first found that Dudley couldn't seem to find him here.

As the sun had set he'd tried to get back into number 4, only to find the doors still locked and nobody answering his knocks. He was having trouble feeling his fingers and wasn't sure what to do. He could try banging harder, or ringing the doorbell, but he wasn't supposed to do either and Uncle Vernon would be very unhappy with him. His resolve crumbling, he headed back to number 7. And, for the first time, he went to the front door. It was closer, and he'd barely even looked at it before.

Not expecting much, he'd put his hand on the handle, not even noticing as the door to number 4 opened behind him. There was a click, and the handle turned, allowing him to open the door. Blinking in surprise, he pushed the door open and stepped into the house, unseen by his Aunt who was now wondering where he'd gone off to. Instead he allowed the door to close behind him as several flickering lights came on automatically in the hallway that he found himself in.

He probably should've been curious about the lights, but he was more concerned with the fact that the house was warmer than outside. Not comfortably warm, but it was noticeably warmer and the lack of the slight breeze definitely helped. Still moving out of a desire to warm up, he looked into the room to the right, finding that it was a living room. One that had a painting of an old man sleeping above the empty fireplace. He stepped into the room, and like in the hallway some of the lights on the wall lit up as he entered, and he didn't notice as the ones in the hallway went out at the same time.

No, he was very distracted from the mysteries of the lights by the sleeping man in the painting waking up. "Wha? Who turned on the lights?" Harry blinked a couple of times, staring at the painting. Which was looking around the room, until the man spotted Harry. "Oh, it's just a sprog. It's been a while since anyone visited here. I think." The man thought for a moment, then waved his hand. "Whatever. Come over here, would you? I'd rather not strain to hear you."

Harry carefully, and slowly, walked across the room, looking for any signs of a trap as he did so. But nothing jumped out at him, and he eventually made it to stand in front of the empty fireplace, looking up the painting. "Er, hello sir?"

"Hello there. My name's Thaddeus. And who would you be?"

"Harry. Um, Harry Potter."

"Well then. I, er...sorry, what are you wearing? Those clothes don't look like they ever fit you. Did you get into Tilly's rag pile or something?"

That had Harry blinking, before he shrunk in on himself a little. "They're Dudley's old clothes."

"And Tilly let you wear them?"

That was the second time that the man had mentioned that name, though Harry had almost missed it the first time. "Tilly?"

A moment later there was a small crack, causing Harry to jump. There was now a small...something, wearing rags in even worse shape than his own hand-me-downs standing there. Whatever it was, it was a couple of feet tall and had very large ears, as well as looking like it'd been eating even less than Harry normally got to.

"Who called Tilly?" the thing asked, looking around for a moment. At least until its eyes landed on Harry, at which point they went wide. "Master Harry?"

The...whatever it was, likely 'Tilly', stumbled forward and grabbed Harry in a hug while mumbling things that he couldn't make out.

It was a minute or so before Thaddeus coughed, and Tilly looked up at him. "Tilly, why do you look like you haven't been taking care of yourself?"

"Master James told Tilly to get the important things to storage and hide in the basement until Tilly was called," Tilly replied. "Tilly is a good elf and hid in the basement until Tilly was called."

He nodded slowly at that, before looking between her and Harry. "And how long ago was that?"

Tilly looked proud while answering the question.."Tilly stayed hidden in the basement for seven years. Paintings would call for Tilly, but Tilly returned to hiding as soon as she knew that no living master or mistress had called for her."

Thaddeus grimaced at that, then looked at Harry for a moment before getting a determined look on his face. "Right then. Harry, you look like you could do with some warming up. If you ask her to, Tilly can help you with that."

Harry looked at Tilly, who looked like she was worse off than he could ever remember being. Though she also looked hopeful. "Are you sure? I don't want to hurt her."

"Trust me, the best thing you can do for a house elf that hasn't had anything to do for their family for years is to give them something to do."

Not entirely sure what that meant, Harry decided that it couldn't hurt to ask the...house elf? If she couldn't handle things on her own then maybe he could help her as well. He looked around the room, then specifically at the fireplace. Nodding to himself, he looked at Tilly. "Can you start a fire to help warm up the room?"

Tilly nodded, and he felt something happen. He wasn't sure what it was. A moment later the house elf raised her hand and snapped, and there were logs in the fireplace. Harry's eyes went a little wider at that, and then another snap had the flames lit. Tilly then looked at him and the fire, and a third snap had a little fence-like thing in front of the fire to keep anyone from approaching it. Oddly enough, she looked a little better after that.

Harry wasn't sure what to say next, and his stomach beat him to the punch by growling. He flinched, since that was usually something that he'd be hit for. As if it was a sign that he was ungrateful for what food his Aunt and Uncle gave him.

"Would Master like Tilly to prepare him dinner?" Tilly asked, looking very hopeful.

Somehow, Harry didn't think that this was going to be a trick. Half of the houses in the neighborhood would make offers like that and then he'd get a beating for having the audacity to make others think that he wasn't fed well enough, but for some reason he couldn't imagine Tilly telling his Aunt or Uncle a thing. Given that he was hungry, and Tilly had asked him first, he figured that it was thus likely safe to accept. Somewhat. "If you'd like to."

Tilly nodded. "Tilly will be right back!" She then vanished, causing Harry to blink a couple of times.

"Now then," Thaddeus said. "She'll probably be a few, as she may have to go obtain food to prepare. I don't think any preservation charms are intended for seven years without refreshing, after all. Why don't you sit down in one of the chairs here while I ask you a few questions, and perhaps answer what I can of a few of yours."

Harry looked at the chairs, certain that he shouldn't be sitting on something that comfortable looking. At the same time, an adult...of sorts, at least, had basically told him to do so, which meant it should be okay, right? He mulled that over for a minute before deciding that his Aunt and Uncle weren't likely to find out either way, unless this was all some kind of incredible trick being played on him, so he carefully climbed into one of the chairs. He found it even more comfortable than he'd been expecting it to be.

"So, Harry," the man said after another minute or so. "I'm a little out of touch, given that I've probably been sleeping for at least seven years. Probably longer. What can you tell me about yourself, and the world at large?"

For some reason, Harry thought that this was going to be an awkward conversation.



It was a couple of hours after young Harry had entered the house, and Thaddeus had wandered off to another portrait frame to rant while the boy slept in the chair. Keeping a lid on his anger as his own knowledge 'woke up' while talking to Harry, despite the muted emotions that he had as a mere imprint of the original Thaddeus Potter, had been taxing. Luckily, now that Harry had called her, Tilly was willing to listen to paintings when it didn't directly countermand her Master's orders. She was cleaning herself and the property up, as it was likely that Harry would need it. Getting information from the paintings at other Potter properties was going to be important as well, but young Harry's safety and wellbeing were more immediately important.

To think that he'd personally complained when he'd been placed in a renovated muggle home, purchased by James and hidden as a place near Lily's family as an intended Christmas gift to try and make it easier for her to reconnect with her horrible shit of a sister. That purchase may very well have saved young Harry's life, given everything the boy obviously hadn't been willing to admit.

What they needed to do was find someone who should be watching over the boy, instead of the horrible muggle relatives that he'd been staying with. Wasn't James's friend...Sirius, was it? He was the boy's Godfather, right? Why wasn't he watching over the boy?

"Tilly," Thadeus called, and the elf appeared a moment later.

"What do you need from Tilly?" the elf asked.

"Can you tell if Sirius Black is still alive, and if so if he's Harry's guardian?"

Tilly frowned for a moment, then vanished. A moment later she returned with a book and placed it on a table in the room. Opening it, she flipped through it until it was on a partially filled in page, then floated it up in front of the painting. "This will tell yous. Tilly would read it, but Tilly never learned how."

Thaddeus nodded, not surprised at that. But he was able to read, and could see that the family register showed that James and his wife Lily had been dead for seven years. It also showed that Black was indeed Harry's Godfather and Guardian, which also meant that he was alive and not legally incarcerated somewhere that would be preventing him from acting as guardian. Which brought up the question of why he wasn't watching over the boy. It was possible, likely even, that outside forces were keeping him away, and if so they now had a possible solution to that.

"Tilly," he said after a moment. "Thank you, and I think we need to bring Sirius Black here as soon as possible. By force, if needed, because he needs to answer some questions about why he hasn't been looking after Harry. Can you bring him here?"

The book that the elf had brought vanished, and she looked thoughtful. "Tilly can bring the dog man here, but only if Master tells Tilly to."

"Very good. We'll see about getting Harry to do so when he wakes up in the morning. Speaking of which, you may wish to prioritize ensuring that things are ready for Harry to clean up and change into a fresh set of clothing when he wakes."

The elf's eyes went a little wider before she started nodding. "Tilly will ensure that everything is ready for Master when he wakes up!"
 
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Looks like Sirius might be 'escaping' about five years early. Also, Fudge wasn't elected minister until 1990, so who knows if they'll be throwing Dementors hither and yon to find him.
 
Looks like Sirius might be 'escaping' about five years early. Also, Fudge wasn't elected minister until 1990, so who knows if they'll be throwing Dementors hither and yon to find him.
Er, if a House Elf could break a prisoner from Askaban, no rich person would ever stay there.

That´s literally saying "slave owners can g free" in a slave owning society.

I don´t buy that noone ever thought to weaponise the super obedient magic people. Even if just by accident.
"Frilly, please fetch all the usual guests for the party if their willing?"
"Aunt Babyeater? Weren´t you in askaban for babyeating?"
 
I don´t buy that noone ever thought to weaponise the super obedient magic people. Even if just by accident.
"Frilly, please fetch all the usual guests for the party if their willing?"
"Aunt Babyeater? Weren´t you in askaban for babyeating?"

Could be part of the "legally incarcerated" restriction. It's a bit of a stretch but I could buy house elves being bound by at least some magical laws.
 
Could be part of the "legally incarcerated" restriction. It's a bit of a stretch but I could buy house elves being bound by at least some magical laws.
This is my assumption. There are a bunch of defences to stop anyone getting pulled out by their elf, or other assorted methods, but they are tied into it being legal.

It would fit with things like some of the weird rules around Fidelius spells and so forth, Harry Potter magic can be very very arbetiary at times. This feels like one of those weird arbitrary bits.
 
HP - The Hidden House 2
Harry was confused when he woke up and wasn't in his cupboard. That he was in a far too comfortable location and had a warm blanket over him just added to his confusion, at least until his confusion started to turn into panic. When Uncle Vernon found out he was going to be...

"Master Harry is awake!" Tilly exclaimed, and the blanket vanished a moment later. "Tilly has prepared a bath for Master."

Blinking, Harry started to remember what had happened the day before, his original confusion and panic abating. Only to be replaced by new panic, because Aunt Petunia was going to be furious that he'd been out all night. "I have to go home before my Aunt and Uncle are even more angry with me."

"Nonsense," Thaddeus said, causing Harry to look up at the painting. "We were able to confirm that you never should've been left with your family in the first place, but will need your help to correct that problem. But first, you need to clean up and have breakfast."

"Come Master Harry," Tilly said, taking his hand and gently pulling him out of the chair. "The bath awaits."

Harry ended up allowing himself to be pulled upstairs and into a bedroom that felt like it had to be larger than the entire house, somehow. Off of that was a bathroom that was only half the size of the bedroom and shouldn't have been able to fit in the house either, not while leaving room for the other rooms in the house. Once there, Tilly snapped her fingers and removed all his clothing, before gently pushing him towards the bathtub that he could probably get lost in.

Very cautiously, Harry approached the bathtub. He knew from experience that baths were cold and the washcloth would be rough. But he didn't dare not clean up when he'd been told to, so he carefully stepped into the water...only to find that it was warm. That was a shock, and it took Tilly prodding him again for him to finish climbing into the bathtub. Tilly then made a washcloth and soap scrub him down. The softest washcloth and the nicest smelling soap that Harry had ever experienced. If he hadn't just woken up then he felt like he could fall asleep right there in the bathtub.

Nearly half an hour later, and without the water cooling off at all, Tilly declared Harry 'clean enough' and coaxed him out of the bathtub. She then made a towel dry him off, which was somehow even softer than the washcloth, before moving to lead him out of the bathroom. He, however, had other plans, and sheepishly moved towards the toilet.

"Tilly will wait for you outside," Tilly said when she noticed, and then with a small crack she was gone.

Harry moved over to the toilet, finding that it was familiar enough, though he couldn't find the other toilet paper. Maybe they didn't have any? It wasn't like they were expecting him to be there. Hoping that he wasn't going to get in trouble, he did his business and wiped with as little of the incredibly soft toilet paper as he could. It then took him a moment to figure out how this toilet flushed, as it was different than any of the ones he'd used previously. That done, he cautiously opened the bathroom door and headed out into the giant bedroom, wondering what Tilly had done with his clothes.

He'd barely made it through the door before Tilly had taken his hand and was guiding him over to the bed. It took a moment for him to realize that clothing that couldn't possibly be intended for him was laid out on the bed. Though it did look like they might actually fit him.

"Master Harry should get dressed," Tilly said, pointing him at the clothing. "Then wes can go downstairs."

Harry looked around the room to see where his clothing might be, but had no clue where to even begin looking when he didn't see any of it right away. With trepidation, because he had no clue how him wearing clothing this nice would be taken when he got back home, he started pulling the provided clothing on. All of it fit him incredibly well and was very comfortable, with him wondering where the clothing had been kept before now. Especially as he wasn't sure why they'd have clothes that fit him so perfectly, right down to shoes.

Once he was dressed, Tilly looked at him, frowned, then shook her head. "Tilly knows not to try and fight with Master's hair. Master James's hair was just as bad. Come! Downstairs to breakfast."

A couple minutes later Harry was in the dining room, which he hadn't seen the day before. For some reason he'd half expected Tilly to have filled the table with food, but similar to when she'd brought him dinner the night before there was just enough for him. Still more than he was used to, but he was starting to think that it would be better to just go along with things. Either that or he was dreaming and none of this was actually happening, so he might as well enjoy it while it lasted.

He was halfway through eating the delicious breakfast when Thaddeus appeared in one of the pictures in the room. "Good morning Harry."

Harry swallowed the food in his mouth before answering. "Good morning."

"If you don't mind, I'd like to have you ask Tilly to do something for me."

"What would that be?" Harry asked, even as Tilly appeared nearby again.

"I find myself needing to speak to Sirius Black. Can you ask Tilly to bring him to the study for me?"

Shrugging, Harry turned to Tilly. "Can you bring Sirius Black to the study to talk to Thaddeus?"

Tilly nodded vigorously. "Tilly will do so right away."

"Thank you," Thaddeus said as Tilly vanished. "Now then, finish up your breakfast and we'll see what else we can do with you while we wait for Tilly to return."

Harry nodded, figuring that it was time for him to do some chores. He hadn't had to make breakfast, so obviously there was something significant that they'd want him to do today. That's how it usually worked with Aunt Petunia, anyway.



Thaddeus had a scowl on his face as he entered the portrait frame in the study. Little Harry didn't seem to have any idea of what children did for fun. Originally he'd thought that the boy just didn't know about magical toys and games, but it quickly became obvious that the lack of knowledge extended to muggle options as well. Someone had a lot of questions to answer, and he didn't know if he wanted that someone to be Sirius or not.

Looking down into the study, his scowl deepened. Sirius was there in his animagus form, sleeping. "Tilly, where did you find him?"

"Dog man was on soul sucker island," Tilly replied.

That had Thaddeus blinking. "Tilly, that can't be right. Elves can't remove people from Azkaban."

Tilly shook her head. "The elveses there said that dog man didn't belong as the wizzy-knot did not send him there. They helped Tilly get him out, thanking Tilly for doing so as it would make feeding those that were supposed to be there easier."

By Merlin's ghost, had someone locked Sirius in with the dementors without even giving him a trial? That would certainly explain why he'd never shown up to take care of Harry, admittedly, but that kind of thing should never happen. If the ICW got wind of that...

Hmmm. That was actually not a horrible idea. Too bad he was just a painting, but perhaps Sirius could be persuaded to send an owl or two off as soon as he'd recovered a bit? Because if he'd been in Azkaban then he wasn't going to be suitable for much of anything for at least a week. Longer if he'd been there for the past six or seven years.

"Tilly," Thaddeus finally said. "Please ensure that Sirius is cleaned up and comfortable, and has a proper meal when he wakes up. I won't be able to talk with him until he's recovered more from the dementor exposure. As evidenced by the fact that he hasn't woken up."

Tilly nodded, and a moment later the study was empty again. Thaddeus sighed, shaking his painted head. This was getting more and more complicated, and he didn't have nearly the imprinted intelligence to handle it all properly. Nor did he have enough knowledge of what had been happening in the outside world for the past seven years.

As an example of his limitations as a painting, he had no good way to find out what was going on with the blue flashing lights on the street outside. Sure, he could ask Harry to take a look, but he didn't want to burden the child with anything serious right now. Tilly might be able to tell him, but if there were too many unaware of magic out there then he'd have to have Harry ask her to investigate instead. No, it was unlikely to impact the house and those inside of it right now, so he'd leave it alone.



Petunia was terrified as bobbies swarmed the area and she was dragged to one of the patrol cars. Dudley had been asked where Harry was at school, and had admitted that the boy had vanished after being locked out of the house and not returned in time to make breakfast this morning. That had resulted in the school calling the authorities, which had resulted in an all-out hunt for the boy and an investigation into why she or Vernon hadn't already reported the boy as missing.

Worse, they'd decided to check the house itself and found the cupboard that served as Harry's room. She hadn't been able to explain that, especially when they had a guest room and a spare room that was starting to fill up with Dudley's extra toys. Then there was her inability to warn Vernon about any of this, as he'd angrily headed off to work after not getting the breakfast he'd expected and she hadn't been permitted to make any calls while the bobbies searched.
 
Those last two paragraphs are some quality schadenfreude.

I do like the touch that Azkaban has their own staff of house elves, which neatly acts as a counter to any outside force from attempting to use their own house elf to affect a break out.
 
I do like the touch that Azkaban has their own staff of house elves, which neatly acts as a counter to any outside force from attempting to use their own house elf to affect a break out.

I'm envisioning them as wearing tea towels from the prison guard break room, and acting like something out of a Monty Python sketch about tough prison guards...in squeaky little voices.
 
HP - The Secret of the Marauder's Map
The very existence of the Marauder's Map was known to very few, all things considered. Even fewer understood how, exactly, it worked. The charms and enchantments needed to keep up with the constantly-changing nature of the Hogwarts castle and grounds layout alone should've burned out mere parchment, let alone the other aspects of it such as tracking everyone on the grounds or revealing how to gain access to many of the secret passages.

Some of the mysteries, such as areas not found on the map, would be explained away as the Marauders not having found some of the castle's secrets. They had no way to locate the Chamber of Secrets, and may not have realized what they'd found if they ever stumbled upon the Room of Requirement. Those believing that to be the reason that those areas were missed would be incorrect, as some of their extraordinary knowledge of the castle only came after they'd made the map.

No, the hidden areas of the Founders and the passcodes for the common rooms, staff quarters, and Headmaster's office weren't revealed through the map as a side effect of how it was created. The Marauders figured out how to password protect the map in their own way, but had stalled out initially when trying to figure out how to keep the map up to date. Any attempt at making a map of the school was futile, as the overall layout changed daily. Early attempts had just resulted in increasingly incorrect maps, and had baffled them as to how anyone found anything in the school.

Very few things are constant when it comes to the layout of Hogwarts, at least when you're inside of the building. The entrance hall, Great Hall, kitchen, student dormitories, Hospital Wing, and Library were the most well known constant points in the building. Lesser known constants were the hidden rooms of the Founders and the points their access were tied to, the entrances to secret passages to the outside of the castle, and a single broom cupboard on the second floor.

It was James Potter who figured out how it was that no student or teacher was ever truly lost in the school. The hint had actually been a teacher from the continent being brought in to cover Defense Against the Dark Arts. They'd been sorted into Ravenclaw, despite nobody actually feeling that they counted as a Ravenclaw. The important part had been that they had actually stopped getting lost after that. He'd spent a couple of weeks mulling that over, since it still didn't explain everything, and eventually found an automatically updating copy of the staff roster hidden in the back of the library. That revealed all of those currently considered to be staff, their houses, and their responsibilities. Filch had been sorted as well, into Slytherin of all houses, though his current cat had been sorted into Gryffindor.

Filch never did find out why the Marauders stopped picking on that particular cat.

Obviously, the act of being sorted conferred some ability to navigate the castle, and James had originally thought to 'borrow' the Sorting Hat to see about examining all of the charms on it. That plan lasted all of ten minutes before he realized that he might need to damage the Sorting Hat to learn what he needed, and he had no desire to do so. Instead, one night he collected the prepared map, horribly inaccurate as it was at that point, and snuck into the Headmaster's office.

He never revealed what charms he'd cast on the map that night to get it to show the current layout of the castle, nor how it identified everyone within the castle and even provided access information for most of the secret passages. The secret of how he'd pulled it off, not having cast any magic, was taken to the grave. But if you happen to find the staff roster in the library, and turn to the end, you'd find that among the hundreds of house elves is an odd entry.

"Map, Marauders"
 
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