We are so much better than Ivan.

We could go insane from the pressures of having to led a genocide against the Mongol horde and become treated like shit by all our contemporaries because of our brutal actions and in an act of blind, delusional rage, murder our sons whom we think are trying to overthrow us.:V
 
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We could go insane from the pressures of having to led a genocide against the Mongol horde and become treated like shit by all our contemporaries because of our brutal actions and in an act of blind, delusional rage, murder our sons whom we think are trying to overthrow us.:V

Or, or, and hear me out here, we go out and kill our competition and the mongols, and let our kids run the kingdom in our absence.
 
Or we can reenact Ivan the Terrible killing his heir times three.:V
I like the painting that was done of that moment by Ilya Repin.




Ivan the Terrible was, well, a terrible person. He was prone to anger and violent fits of rage. The story behind this event was, like most Russian things, tragic.

Ivan the Terrible had a son, also called Ivan. Ivan Ivanovich. While Ivan Ivanovich's relationship with his father started out good, it began to deteriorate, due to the crushing defeats the Russians were dealt in the Livonian Wars, which Ivan Ivanovich blamed on his father's military incompetence. He demanded to be put in charge of the Army to relieve the Siege of Pskov. Relationships further fell when Ivan the Terrible sent Ivan Ivanovich's first and second wives to convents due to failing to get pregnant fast enough. Ivan Ivanovich married for a third time, his wife Yelena managing to get pregnant in a short enough time frame to satisfy her father-in-law.

Then on November 15th 1581 it all goes bad. Ivan the Terrible sees Yelena wearing light clothing and savagely beats her in a fit of rage for her immodesty. He is stopped by Ivan Ivanovich who yells that his father has killed his unborn son. Sure enough, Yelena suffers a miscarriage because of the beating. Ivan Ivanovich confronts his father, but his father changes the subject to accusing him of planning rebellion by taking control of the Army to depose him. Ivan Ivanovich denies this, but his father attacks him, his scepter smashing into his son's temple. Ivan Ivanovich collapses bleeding heavily. Ivan the Terrible throws himself at his son, trying to stop the bleeding while crying over and over "May I be damned! I've killed my son! I've killed my son!". The younger Ivan briefly regained consciousness and was reputed to have said "I die as a devoted son and most humble servant". For the next few days, the elder Ivan prayed incessantly for a miracle, but to no avail, and his son died on November 19th 1581.
 
The Cossacks
The Cossacks

The news from your recruiters was not good. They only found one person that was willing to join your army. ONE! They were wasting money, time, and training that could be going elsewhere, like to repairing your ports, your ships, and improving the equipment of your men.

You had actually ridden all the way back home to face these two men and publicly execute them for their sheer incompetence.

But when you arrived Nicholas was the one who stayed your hand. The blizzard covered roads of Novgorod had made your travel difficult and you nearly died from falling off your horse. But you arrived, ready to start chopping off some heads.

"Vasily!" Nicholas shouted, running close behind you, his armor clanking on the floor as he struggled to keep up. "Let them explain themselves!"

"Aye! They'll give their report and last testaments before I cut their fucking heads off!" You growled back. You had given those men time, an ample amount of money, and your blessing. To only come back with one man was an outrage, an embarrassment, and a farce. They must have been foreign agents of some sort, sent by your enemies to disrupt your military readiness and recruitment. The first step in an invasion…

It's what you would do of course. Scout your enemies positions and leadership, get a lay of the land, find out where supplies can be gathered from foraging. Fortifications, settlements, water… If these men were indeed enemy agents, you would find out if they sent any messages to their masters.

"They were my best men!" Nicholas shouted. "I handpicked them. If they only recruited one man, they would have a damned good reason for it!"

"And if they don't!?" You asked. "If they have been lying, they deserve punishment!"

"And executing them before they can explain themselves would be counterproductive to learning the truth," Nicholas replied. "Don't let your paranoia get the better of you, especially now."

You stopped and glared at Nicholas. "I am not letting it get the better of me!"

Nicholas placed a hand on your shoulder. "Yes, you are. Now take a deep breath, and think rationally. Why would only one man join the army, and no one else?"

"They are all dead." You stated.

Nicholas nodded. "No. Think harder. You and the Empire can't be everywhere at once…"

Everything ticked and your thoughts of executing two men vanished in an instant as you understood everything. "They joined another army."

Nicholas nodded. "Aye… And their leader is waiting for you."

"Where?" You asked.

"With your bodyguards. She's taking a liking to them." Nicholas replied.

"She?" You said, surprised.

Nicholas laughed. "You know Zima is a proud knight of the Hussars and you're surprised that a woman is leading another army?"

"To be honest, yes." you replied.

Nicholas chuckled. "Don't let Zima hear that, or you'll get an earful."

"Or my ass kicked in the practice yard." You muttered. You turned towards Nicholas. "She hears nothing of what I have said here."

Nicholas nodded and lead you towards your bodyguard's barracks. "When you see her Vasily," Nicholas said as you got closer to the barracks. "Don't be too surprised at who she is."

Inside you could hear some laughter and the sounds of glasses clinking mugs and the words "CHUG!" being shouted repeated over and over again.

The thing you noticed the most was the woman. A Mongol woman.

You felt your anger and rage boil over. You drew your sword and barked. "WHY IS THIS MONGOL HERE!" You walked forward and noticed the mug of Vodka that was in front of her.

"Vasily!" Nicholas tried to stop you, but couldn't.

"She's not a Mongol," Ashford stated, stepping in front of you and your sword, blocking a precise stab into the woman's abdomen. "She's a Cossack."

You narrowed your eyes. "Ash. Get out of the way before I make you."

"Put your bloody sword down than," Wilhelm said, reaching for his own weapon. "I don't want to hurt you, but you're about to make a bloody mistake."

"I didn't kill her, my prince… because she's not a Mongol." Alfonso stated. "I would have if she was."

But then the woman spoke, her voice instantly calming you. "I knew you had my late husband's genius… but it seems you also have his temper and hatred for Mongols as well."

"What…?" You lowered your sword and moved around Ashford. "What do you mean late husband?"

"I am Anya…" You looked at her with a blank stare, not having any person that registered to that word. "I used to be known by another name a long time ago, but that woman is dead. Right, Nicholas?"

Nicholas nodded. "It's been a long time."

"Twenty years…" She replied with a small smile. "I'm sorry for what I put you and Alexi through."

"It doesn't matter," Nicholas replied. "We have matters to discuss. Matters of importance to the state."

The woman nodded and kicked her feet up. "So tell me, son of Alexi… What is it that you need to speak to me about?"

You gritted your teeth. "My men were sent to recruit soldiers for my army. Yet they could only find a single person."

"Ah, yes. There is an explanation for that." Anya replied.

"Tell me." You demanded.

"They are under my command." She replied.

"Your command?" You asked.

"The Mongols have been raiding, pillaging and destroying the homes of our motherland for decades, killing her men, enslaving her women, and destroying her children. The empire failed to protect us. The nobility failed to protect us... So we protect ourselves. We are the Cossacks. Filled to the brim with the downtrodden, the lost, the forgotten, and the free. We've sworn oaths to protect the motherlands." She replied. "We thought that you would never come. Until we heard rumor of the oath you swore on body and blood at your father's grave."

You narrowed your eyes. "How do you know that?"

Anya laughed. "Half of China knows of your bold proclamation to destroy the Mongols. And all the Mongol Khans as well. To them, it is a joke. A sign of your weakness."

You gritted your teeth. "What is your point?"

"I want to help you." She replied. "I want to help you burn the Mongols to the ground. Destroy their people, their culture, and their place in history. I want them to die and you want to as well. I'd say that's common cause enough to work together."

"How do I know you're telling the truth, that you're not some Mongol spy?" You asked.

"Because..." She said the word in such a way that it sent shivers up your spine. "You and your father, for all your faults, have tried your best to secure the motherland from these heathen scum."

"How many men do you have?" you asked.

"Fifty thousand." She replied. "The only thing we ask is that when the Mongols are defeated, the Empire will recognize my people as protectors of the Steppes. We will not submit to be mere vassals to faraway lords. We are a free, self-governing people."

"I don't know if I can do that. But I will try." You replied.

"And I have one thing to tell you." She stated.

"And what would that be?" You asked.

"Did you know your mother?" She asked.

"Yes." You replied, slightly hesitant. "Why are you asking?"

The woman looked at you with a very strange glare, like your mother used to give you when you were always asking questions. "Nothing, in particular, my prince... You just remind me of my son."

"Your son?" You asked.

"It doesn't matter. He died when he was a babe." She looked up at you and held her drink up. "For the motherland."

"For the motherland."

Reward: Domestic Lord met: Anya of the Cossacks, Relation at 70/100. You gained the alliance of the Cossacks. +25000 light cavalry, +25000 Horse Archers in the vassel levies.

AN: Enjoy.
 
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So we met Mama Cossack and got a nice army.
 
I say we vassalise them anyway. Once mums dead or old. She left us as a baby, we owe her nothing.
Better yet, take our second or third child and supplant him among the Cossaks. Once Mom is dead, have the child take over, and then swear allegiance to the Motherland.
...yes I realize it's completely insane, but I can dream.
 
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