Anderson Quest: Killing Vampires and Werewolves and Leprechauns (Hellsing/Bloodborne)

[X] Time to put the Club of Irony to proper use. Beat (and laser) the motherfucker with what's left of his motherfucker cousin.
-[X] Aim for the face, or try to cut off the arms if you can't get a bead on that.
-[X] Teleport around so he can't hit you.
-[X] "And when I raise my flashing sword, and my hand takes hold on judgement, I will take vengeance upon mine enemies, and I will reward those that hate me."

The quote is even from Boondock Saints. :D
 
...He's going to be devastated when we kill his god right in front of him, isn't he? I look forward to it. :grin:
 
[X] Rule number one: don't get hit.
[X] Explosive bayonet spam is your friend.
-[X] If you can, try to hit the head. Looks squishy and important.
-[X] If you need to, take out the Ironic Club and shoot its face with the laser, for extra irony points. Make sure to use it for the Coup de Grace, if applicable.
 
something important to note: patches is still here and i doubt he would't try for a back attack if it looked like we were winning, any vote should make sure we keep track of him.
 
[X]Head On: Apply directly to whatever passes for this thing's forehead
-[X]Beat a motherfucker with pieces of another motherfucker
-[X]Bayonetz 4 dayz
 
Getting hit isn't fun. It generally means you CAN'T do stuff for a while afterwards.

Secondly, I don't think we can hurl bayonets while prepping a teleport.

Thirdly, if we're going to laser him, we should just laser him...in the face. For super-irony.

Fourthly, Anderson has bayonets for days. He loves bayonet spam.
Wait, why the hell do you think I'm voting to let us get hit?
 
[X] A quick batch of bayonets thrown at seemingly vulnerable areas, buying time to teleport above the Mediocre One and blast it with its shittier sibling's eye-laser club of righteousness. From there, slash and dash. It hits hard, but there's a bit of a windup. You'll use those moments to hit it.
 
[X] Time to put the Club of Irony to proper use. Beat (and laser) the motherfucker with what's left of his motherfucker cousin.
-[X] Aim for the face, or try to cut off the arms if you can't get a bead on that.
-[X] Teleport around so he can't hit you.
-[X] "And when I raise my flashing sword, and my hand takes hold on judgement, I will take vengeance upon mine enemies, and I will reward those that hate me."
 
[X] stare at the bloody shite
-[X] "Didn't I already kill ya?"
-[X] Second verse, Same as the first: All the Bayonets

I'm more interested in snark than battle plans at the moment.
 
[X] A quick batch of bayonets thrown at seemingly vulnerable areas, buying time to teleport above the Mediocre One and blast it with its shittier sibling's eye-laser club of righteousness. From there, slash and dash. It hits hard, but there's a bit of a windup. You'll use those moments to hit it.
 


[X]Recite Psalm 23:4
"et si ambulavero in valle premuntur ,
Non timebo mala ;
vos , qui mecum sunt ;
Virga tua , et baculus tuus
ipsa me consolata sunt ."



 
On a holiday right now and short on time, but can someone quote and review the last fight, then make a plan from that please. IIRC we still got bloodied over the Lesser one. This guy's not just bigger, he probably has some extra surprises within his seven sleeves. "Overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer."
 
On a holiday right now and short on time, but can someone quote and review the last fight, then make a plan from that please. IIRC we still got bloodied over the Lesser one. This guy's not just bigger, he probably has some extra surprises within his seven sleeves. "Overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer."

Instincts you didn't even know you had are screaming at you to run or curl up or claw your own eyes out.

But they can sit down and shut the fuck up, because Alexander Fucking Anderson isn't going to die to this amateur-hour Thing That Should Not Be horseshit. You force your eyes open and give the thing your best righteous glare.

You get the sense that it's both glaring back and utterly schooling you in that department.

You still can't see the thing itself, but a good chunk of its body is covered by your impromptu piercing service and smoke is still pouring from it. You've got a decent idea of its size (real fucking big), at least. Maybe a few more points of interest will help with that.

"The fuck're you supposed ta be? Some kinda..."

Okay, wow. You put a lot into that ward and that bloody screaming isn't helping. Stab now, quip later.

You fill your hands and uncork a broadside of bayonets in the thing's general direction. After your first couple of throws, however, your arms start to flag. It's not just the ward; it's like your brain is too busy trying to piece together what you're seeing and hearing to give your body proper orders. You see a good number of them hit home, but you're not sure how deep they got. The screaming does get a bit louder, though; so, y'know, small victories.

It starts to move.

There's an almost audible groan as the ward begins to deform. It's trying to pull itself off the wall. The nails and pages writhe and twist and the ones in the wall struggle to stay put as the whole thing is stretched downwards.
INSIGNIFICANT SPECK. YOU HURT ME.
The ward gives with a peal of thunder.
SEE ME. BE HONORED.
Your ears are ringing and blood is pouring from your nose. Your body struggles to knit itself back together and your headache reaches a breaking point.

Breathe. You've been through the valley of the shadow of death. This is no London. And this motherfucker is no Alucard. You grit your teeth and open your eyes.

You can see it. It's real fucking big.

Its build, and only its build, is humanoid. It's got more arms than you can count at the moment, each topped with a clawed, six-fingered hand. Its oddly-thin body stands hunched on two legs with a small tail and its gray flesh, tattooed with the still-smoldering Word, is leaking red blood.

It has no face. Its head is a bean-shaped lattice of bone around a soft center of what are unmistakably eyes. Tentacles wave idly from its base.

As you watch, those many arms pull the bayonets free from its body and drop them at your feet.

You've got a splitting headache, your arms feel like lead, you've got a giant fucking monster from beyond time and space in front of you, it's dark, and you're wearing glasses.

Hit it.


[] Write in...

Alright. Situational awareness and mobility. You're usually happy to trade punches, but considering this one has a few more fists than you and they're all as big around as you are tall, attrition doesn't seem like the best plan. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. But, like, a bee that doesn't die after stabbing it once.

Wasp. The word you're looking for is wasp. Or maybe horneshitincoming.

Said massive fists begin raining down around you, two or three at a time. It's impressively fast for its size, but the punches still have to travel far enough that you're gone by the time they land. The confined space may play to its advantage at range, but it also means you don't have much ground to cover before you're below it. It meets your penetration steps with a vicious headbutt that lands close enough to nearly knock you over despite a lack of direct contact.

This thing is trying to beat you to death with its one obvious weak spot. That's dedication.

You don't get a chance to swing before it's reared up once more, looking for an angle to fire off more punches. By the time it's in position, you're under its tail and swinging your new sword at its leg. The blade bites deep, but you don't get the separation you were hoping for.

Its upper body slams back down, propped up by its myriad arms. The earth rumbles as it backpedals, attempting to pull its way back up the chapel in reverse. You take the opportunity to remove one hand at the wrist and are going for another when it clocks you with the stump. You stagger back, head ringing, and dive just out of the way of a couple more opportunistic slams.

Half of its great body is on the wall by the time you stop seeing three of it. As the head moves past, you take a wide swing, unused to a two-handed weapon and compensating for your technical deficiencies with enthusiasm. Three hands pop up to intercept it and you only manage to punch through one and a half before it wrenches the sword from your hand and tosses it towards the upward stairway, where it beans a fleeing tall man with an audible thud.

With your weapon lost, you turn to your other ones: the power of the LORD and your shit-ton of stabbing implements. It attempts to cover its retreat with punches and palm strikes from its remaining limbs, but your furious volley of bayonets forces it to use said limbs to defend its "face."

"Sáncte Míchael Archángele, defénde nos in proélio..." you say as you push your protesting arms forward again and again. A dead language for a soon-to-be-dead piece of shit. "...cóntra nequítiam et insídias diáboli ésto præsídium." QUIET.

You don't stop. This thing has to die right here, right now.

"Ímperet ílli Déus, súpplices deprecámur: tuque, prínceps milítiæ cæléstis, Sátanam aliósque spíritus malígnos, qui ad perditiónem animárum pervagántur in múndo, divína virtúte, in inférnum detrúde." QUIET.

You're starting to slow, your unending broadside and constant movement to avoid retaliatory strikes pushing your endurance to the limit. The thing is getting pincushioned, blades running from wrist to shoulder on multiple limbs, but you've yet to land clean to the face and it's nearly to the top. With a grunt, you fire off a wide line of blades, which it intercepts with two splayed hands. I AM YOUR ONLY GOD.

It moves to pull its hands apart, but seems perplexed when it can't. You're pretty sure the eyes literally bulge out when it sees the chain and explosives tying them together.

"Amen."

It thrusts the hands forward right as they detonate, taking both arms off at the elbow. It screams again, louder than before, but you can withstand it this time. Maybe you're getting used to it.

Or maybe your eardrums burst after the first one. Both seem plausible.

When the smoke clears, the bone lattice of its head is visibly damaged. It's down to half of its limbs in full working order, but it's also nearly at the roof of the chapel, well out of melee range. Its head begins to twitch and jerk and bulge. Maybe it's going to explode out of frustration? You really hope it's going to explode out of frustration.

[] Write in...

--

CURRENT STATUSES:

Anderson: Extreme fatigue, mostly deafened

Lesser Amygdala: Four hands (of eight) removed, one damaged by sword

For all of the twitching, its head is staying mostly in the same place. Its primary defensive hands are ruined and the ones that aren't are struggling to keep it attached to the chapel. You're never going to get a better shot than this.

You don't have the strength left for a powerful throw. At this point, you're essentially swinging your limp arms forward like flails. The eyes bulge grotesquely and you can feel heat beginning to pour from them.

"Credo in Deum Patremomnipotentem, Creatorem caeli et terrae..."

Two handfuls. Some explosive, some not. Doesn't matter. Throw.

"...et in Iesum Christum, Filium Eius unicum, Dominum nostrum, qui conceptus est de Spiritu Sancto, natus ex Maria Virgine..."

No more time. Turn your hips. Throw from your core. BURN.

You swing so hard your right shoulder pops from its socket. The blades rocket upwards and light, blinding and punishing, erupts from the grotesquery of eyes before you can throw the rest.

Windows burst and the chapel's brickwork, pristine and beautiful, shatters under the explosion. You're forced to a knee, coughing from the billowing smoke. You force your eyes open amidst the rain of soot and search desperately for your opponent within.

The great head is still there.

You fish desperately in your sleeves, searching for more weapons, when bone and blood join the cascading debris. The lattice is shattered, the soft skin beneath pulverized and leaking. With a groan, either from it or from the chapel, the massive form falls.

It's surreal, watching the ravaged menagerie of limbs twist limply in the air. You scramble out of the way, not even bothering to look back in favor of just getting far away as it grows larger and larger.

You make it to the stairway before it reaches ground and rattles the world.

When the dust finally settles, you see the body esconced in a crater as irregular and formless as itself. What arms aren't ruined scramble forward weakly in a desperate search for purchase.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

You can hear it now, truly hear it, despite your eardrums stubbornly refusing to mend themselves. It's not even rage at this point. It's pouting. Its claws dig shallow furrows in the earth, lacking the strength to move its great bulk.

GODS DON'T DIE. GODS DON'T

The arms fall limp. Blood drips softly from the pulped mass of its head.

Silence.

PREY SLAUGHTERED
You hear a muted shout that could be your name. Or maybe someone freaking out about that thing whose non-Euclidean ass you just kicked. Either way, you attempt to raise your fist in victory. When that predictably fails, you settle for making the sign of the cross, hoping that it's watching from whatever fucked-up Hell it wound up in.

Then you tip forward. You can live with a broken nose, but you really hope you don't break your glasses.

You barely feel it when your body is caught and propped up by a figure you can't make out. Your struggle to maintain consciousness as you're lugged towards the chapel is scored by worried shouts just louder than your current bout of tinnitus. There's more than one person carrying you now, but you can't quite figure out why two of them seem so much smaller than the others.

The last thing you see is the mellow light of the lantern before you're carried away by the Dream.



White hair, a white face, and the white teeth of a smile greet you when your eyes stagger open.

"Hello again, good Hunter. How goes your journey in the waking world?"

[] Write in...

Our biggest damage dealers were the explosive bayonets. The regular bayonets didn't seem to be doing much except forcing it to defend its face.

As for us, we were mostly hampered by the initial reveal and the strain of the wards. It only nailed us once with an arm stump, otherwise we were able to avoid most of its attacks.
 
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We just released Ludwig to a better life. I say we should invoke his memory as we beat the shit out of this False god. Here is the sort of monster who led a good man astray.

I leave the planning to my betters
 
[X] A quick batch of bayonets thrown at seemingly vulnerable areas, buying time to teleport above the Mediocre One and blast it with its shittier sibling's eye-laser club of righteousness. From there, slash and dash. It hits hard, but there's a bit of a windup. You'll use those moments to hit it.
 
[X] "Damn. Ya got even uglier than last time I beat the shit outta ya while praising THE LORD"
[X] Explosive bayonets while taking care to not let it hit you is the order of the day - hey, Patches is here, do you hear 'meatshield'? Even if not, make sure he can't get into a position to backstab ya.

Okay first things first people, quotes. What are we going to yell at this guy.
Something about how God is infinitely superior to this thing would be good.
That other thing got pissed as hell when we started on that.
 
I propose that as soon as we get our hands on Patches that we stuff him in our sleeves, wait about a minute, then yank him out.

Let's see if he's quite so eager to praise Amygdala after exposure to infinity. And about a minute without air.
 
[ ]Recite Psalm 23:4
"et si ambulavero in valle premuntur ,
Non timebo mala ;
vos , qui mecum sunt ;
Virga tua , et baculus tuus
ipsa me consolata sunt ."

No.

[X] Recite part of 1 Kings 18:24,
24​Then you call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the Lord. The god who answers by fire—he is God."

Invocate nomina deorum vestrorum, et ego invocabo nomen Domini mei: et Deus qui exaudierit per ignem, ipse sit Deus.

[X] Recite 1 Kings 18:36-39
36 ​At the time of sacrifice, the prophet Elijah stepped forward and prayed: "Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. 37 ​Answer me, Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again."
38 ​Then the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.
39 ​When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, "The Lord—he is God! The Lord—he is God!"

Cumque jam tempus esset ut offerretur holocaustum, accedens Elias propheta ait: Domine Deus Abraham, et Isaac, et Israël, ostende hodie quia tu es Deus Israël, et ego servus tuus, et juxta præceptum tuum feci omnia verba hæc.
Exaudi me, Domine, exaudi me: ut discat populus iste quia tu es Dominus Deus, et tu convertisti cor eorum iterum.
Cecidit autem ignis Domini, et voravit holocaustum, et ligna, et lapides, pulverem quoque, et aquam quæ erat in aquæductu lambens.
Quod cum vidisset omnis populus, cecidit in faciem suam, et ait: Dominus ipse est Deus, Dominus ipse est Deus.

[X] ...and paraphrase 1 Kings 18:34
(34 ​"Do it again," he said, and they did it again.
"Do it a third time," he ordered, and they did it the third time.)
I'll do it again, ya bloody heathen bastard. I'll do it three times if I must!
 
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