Gallant hesitantly raised his hand, "One of Hellhound's dogs slammed into me. I think I might have a broken rib. Paramedics cleared me, but I want to be extra sure I'm not risking a punctured lung or something."
Panacea frowned, then gestured to the far end of the room, "I'll take a look at you over there?"
"Go figure, Glory Girl's boyfriend gets special treatment," Clockblocker grinned to make it clear he was just poking fun. Gallant just smirked in response.
The pair went to Gallant's alcove, and she sat him down on the bed before laying a hand on his shoulder. She pulled her hood back and furrowed her brow.
"You don't have a punctured lung. You've got one fractured rib, but you're not even in that much pain. Why-"
"I lied. I wanted to talk to you, alone," he took her hand.
She scowled and pulled her hand back like he'd bitten her. As if to make doubly sure he wouldn't grab her hand again, she folded her arms.
"You know I can sense emotions," he said, "Everyone's emotions, like a cloud of colors around them. Can't turn it off. It's just how I see the world."
"Victoria mentioned that."
"So you're an open book to me. I know you're scared. No… you're terrified, and that's why you're not talking."
She sighed and sat on the bed, as far from Gallant as she could.
"I never wanted these powers. I never wanted powers, period."
He nodded.
"But I got them anyways, and I got international attention over it. The healer. The girl who could cure cancer with a touch, make someone ten years younger, regrow lost limbs. I'mforced to be a hero. Burdened with this obligation. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't use this power. It's such an opportunity, to save lives."
"But?"
"But at the same time… I can't cure everyone. Even if I go to the hospital every night for two or three hours at a time, there are thousands of other hospitals I can't visit, tens of millions of people who are terminally ill or living in a personal hell where they're paralyzed or in constant pain. These people don't deserve to face that, but I can't help them all. I can't help one percent of them if I put in twenty hours a day."
"You have to focus on what you can do," Gallant told her.
"Sounds easier than it is," Panacea answered, with a touch of bitterness, "Do you understand what it means, to cure some of these people? I feel like every second I take to myself is a second I've failed somehow. For two years, it's been this… pressure. I lie in bed, awake at night, and I can't sleep. So I get up and I go to the hospital in the middle of the night. Go to pediatrics, cure some kids. Go to the ICU, spare some lives… and it's all just blending together. I can't even remember the last few people I saved."
She sighed again, "The last person I really remember? It was maybe a week ago, I was working on a kid. He was just a toddler, an immigrant from Cairo, I think. Ectopia Cordis. That's where you're born with your heart outside your body. I was putting everything in the right place, giving him a chance at a normal life."
"What made him so memorable?"
"I resented him. He was lying there, fast asleep, like an angel, and for just a second, I considered just leaving him. The doctors could have finished the job, but it would have been dangerous. He might have died if I'd left him on the table, the job half done. I hated him."
Gallant didn't say anything. Scowling, Panacea stared down at the ground.
"No, I hated that he would have a normal life, because I'd given up mine. I was scared that I might intentionally make a mistake. That I might let myself fuck up the procedure with this kid. I could have killed him or ruined his life, but it would have eased the pressure. Lowered expectations, you know? Maybe it would have even lowered my own expectations for myself. I… I was just so tired. So exhausted. I actually considered, for the briefest moment, abandoning a child to suffer or die."
"That sounds like more than just exhaustion," Gallant replied, quietly.
"Is this how it starts? Is this the point I start becoming like my father, whoever he was?"
Gallant let out a slow breath, "I could say no, that you're never going to be like your father. But I'd be lying. Any of us, all of us, we run the risk of finding our own way down that path. I can see the strain you're experiencing, the stress. I've seen people snap because of less. So yeah. It's possible."
"Okay," she said, just under her breath. He waited for her to elaborate, but she didn't.
"Take a break. Tell yourself it's something you have to do, to recharge your batteries and help more people in the long run."
"I don't think I can."
They sat in silence for a few moments.
He turned towards her, "So what does this have to do with what happened at the bank?"
"She knew everything. That Tattletale girl. She said she's psychic, and from what she said, what she knew, I believe it."
Gallant nodded.
"You know what it's like, to talk to people like her? Like you, no offense? You build up this mask, you delude yourself into thinking everything is normal, and you force yourself to look past the worst aspects of yourself… and then these Gallants and Tattletales just strip you naked. Force you to confront it all."
"I'm sorry."
"You said yourself, you can't turn it off, right? Can't really blame you. It's just… it's hard to be around. Especially after dealing with Tattletale."
"What did she say?"
"She threatened to talk about stuff. Stuff worse than what I just told you, I guess. Threatened to tell me things I just don't want to know. Said she'd use what she knew to ruin my relationship with Victoria and the rest of my family," Amy hugged herself.
"My sister's all I've got. The only person with no expectations, who knows me as a person. Carol never really wanted me. Mark is clinically depressed, so as nice as he is, he's too focused on himself to really be a dad. My aunt and uncle are sweet, but they've got their own problems. So it's just me and Victoria. Has been almost from the beginning. That smug little monster threatened to tear my sister and I apart using yet another thing I didn't want, another thing I had no control over."
Gallant started to speak, then stopped.
"What?"
"Does… does this have anything to do with the, erm, rather strong feelings you have towards me?"
Panacea went still.
"I'm sorry," he hurried to say, "I shouldn't have brought it up."
"You shouldn't have," she stood up and started towards the door.
"Look, if you ever need to talk…" he offered.
"I-"
"You probably won't want it to be me, okay. But my door's always open, and you can call me at any hour. Just letting you know."
"Okay," she replied. Then she reached over to him and touched his shoulder, "There. Bruises gone, ribs touched up."
"Thank you," he replied, opening the door for her.
"Take care of my sister, okay? Make her happy?" she murmured, as she hesitated in the doorway.
"Goes without saying." They rejoined the main group.
Every head in the room turned as Panacea picked up the marker by the computers. With a grim expression on her face, she began filling in Tattletale's section of the whiteboard.
) the second charm in the tree gives a really powerful buff thanks to the differences in Exalted and oWoD combat mechanics.
