A Penguin Plays RULE THE WAVES

63.1 WAR! - Spain vs Italy - May, June 1910

That however is complete believable.
I forgot I set ADOBO back on Raider and ADOBE on Active Fleet.

ADOBE got torpedoed so we have no Cruisers for this sort of detached duty.



All right. So. Twenty thousand tons yard capacity.


Instead of going all fancy with a cross deck warship, why not just build a BARACO-class locally?


Because we don't have Midships Turret tech, that's why!



Okay then.
So I'm building the Through Deck Dreadnought.


Rolling towards June >


>> CA ADOBO> It's not a job, it's a career.
>> CA ADOBO> Now you have a new vocation as a submarine!





Ugh. With ADOBE in the yards we really need a Cruiser to deter these Italian raiders now emboldened again.




Huh.
 
63.2 WAR! - Small Engagement off Northwestern Spain

Huh. Okay, so that torpedo damage got resolved pretty quickl-

Wait.

That's... not ADOBE.


>> CA ADONTBE> (sofly) Three.
>> CA ADONTBE> (sofly) You have three of those.


OH MA GAWD YOUR VOICE SOUNDS LIKE FLUTTERSHY.
That's so cute!

>> CA ADONTBE> (sofly) Please do not.


T-that's right!
I forgot I DID build three ADOBO-class just for this occasion.

Two on active maneuvers, and one to remain at home as strategic reserve and defense.

Wait, that's a VETTOR PISANI.
Flutte-... I mean, ADONTBE, maybe you should't-


>> CA ADONTBE> I am still an ADOBO-class, you know.

Objection withdrawn.
 
Do we have any idea what the alliance system for other countries is like here? Sure, Italy and AH are allies of convenience, and we got a Spanish-American partnership, but other than that? Gotta know who we're going up against in the inevitable world war.
 
63.3 WAR! - Small Engagement off Northwestern Spain

Those 10-inch guns don't seem to be doing much damage.
Is this really ok?


>> CA ADONTBE> Don't be scared.
>> CA ADONTBE> Sssh.

>>DD PLUTON 4> ... ma'am I am terrified beyond my ability to comprehend.



>> CA ADONTBE> Ow.
>> CA ADONTBE> That's hitting below the belt.

>> CA ADONTBE> That's not... nice.

I SPOKE TOO SOON!
Another engine hit!


>> CA ADONTBE> Come back.
>> CA ADONTBE> I just want to be friends.


>> CA ADONTBE> Come back...



>> CA ADONTBE> WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME.


...

... Yup.
You sure are an ADOBO-class too, all right.




>> CA ADONTBE> I am so disappointed.
>> CA ADONTBE> But that's all right.

>> CA ADONTBE> Someday... we will catch them and drag them and raise them up right.

...


(what the hell is wrong with my ships?)
 
63.4 AFTER ACTION REPORT - Small Engagement off Northwestern Spain

Hmm.
That came off surprisingly even.


So this is the track.

We started off at just around 12NN.

Things were doing fine until about 14:00, when CA ADOBE took a below the belt hit.

She slowed down to 15 knots, which was fine for a while until 15:00 when flooding (not flotation damage) from high speed caused her to slow down to 8 knots.

Then it was too dark to see anything.


So the VETTOR PISANI really was just... cowering and hiding there.

>> CA ADONTBE> Oh the poor dear.
>> CA ADONTBE> Don't worry. I don't bite.

That...
That sounds like a lie.

>> CA ADONTBE> (looks excessively innocent)



It is becoming clear that speed may be of more value to us than armor.

... is CA FANTASTICA actually Rainbow Dash?
 
63.1 WAR! - Spain vs Italy - June, July 1910

Lots of actionable Intel this month.

1) Austria Hungary getting a BC might be trouble in the future, we don't have any capital ships capable of faster than 21 knots.

2) Regarding France's ballistic capabilities - there are two ways to get a read on that.
-- a) Sneak in get drunk and get a copy of their ballistic performance data tables, or
-- b) Look at the Design screen and ask for a build spec and see if their guns are Quality +1 compared to our Quality 0 guns.

3) Why do we even care about what the CSA are doing?
-- Because anything that distracts the US from roflstomping our enemies for free is bad for us.

4) Italy... is behind us in light forces and torpedo warfare, because apparently they have gone all in on the battlewagons and their DDs aren't making any suicide torpedo runs.

5) France is doing shenanigans against Italy too.



Very good.
Quality over quantity, boys.


Also good, we can free up MS back into Foreign Service.


>> CA ADOBO> BOOGA CHAKA BOOGA CHAKA BOOGA CHAKA!
>> CA ADOBO> THIS RAID TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES WAHAHAHAHA!


>> CA ADOBO> ** crashes into an office building somehow **

...
Go to your room.



These guys look happy that ADOBO's gone bye bye.


... how.
The Mediterranean is only so big and Italy is right in the middle of it!

How could you forget to load up on coal?!

Italy has very poor coal reserves, you know.
Primarily around Tuscany, but even then not of good quality.

Almost all of it has to be imported from Germany and the UK.

So if we just keep on fighting they might... just run out of fuel for their ships?
But if France isn't allowing passage, there is still the Austria-Hungary back door.

Overland transport would still be much less efficient than sea deliveries though.


Now we're talking!
You pastas better not Decline Battle and waste my time!

I'll paella your polpetta!
 
>> CA ADOBO> *furiously struggling against being dragged into drydock*
>> CA ADOBO> I'M FINE, I JUST DIDN'T SEE THAT REEF NOW LET ME GO BACK OUT AND GET HIM
>> Dockmaster> No dice Senorita.
>> CA ADOBE> *in the next berth over, still recovering from her torpedo wound*
>> CA ADOBE> Do you have a knife on you, sis? I left my second favorite in that sub.

Meanwhile, across the Med

>>CA GIUSEPPE GARIBARLDI> *huffing into a paper bag*
>> Dockmaster> Breathe. Breathe.
>>CA GIUSEPPE GARIBARLDI> Can't sleep Adobo will get me can't sleep Adobo will get me sleep Adobo will get me can't sle-
 
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63.2 WAR! - Fleet Battle off the Balearic Islands

Battlegroup FORM UP!

>> BB BARACO> Dreadnought BARACO, reporting!
>> BB BARBARA> Dreadnought BARBARA, reporting!

>> CA ADOBE> Heavy Cruiser ADOBE, reporting!



Ok. So ADOBE, we don't need you to scout for the enemy fleet.
Fleet battle tends to have them cross paths soon enough anyway.

>> CA ADOBE> Understood. Turning to join formation.


>> CA ADOBE> Reporting contact -
>> CA ADOBE> One BB, one B, potentially light forces.


None of those are CLs or AMCs!
INTEL A SHITE!

>> CA ADOBE> To be fair, our intel is pretty good regarding, um, France.

I am surprised at how reliable is info gathered from pubs and brothels but that is not the point right now.


STAND AND FIGHT!
YOU PASTAS!

WHERE ARE YOUR BALLS?!



>> BB BARACO> Looks like they lost them.
>> BB BARACO> I don't blame them. 2 BB vs 1 BB and 1 B means twelve 12-inchers versus eight.

>> BB BARBARA> I do have this thing though.



>> CA ADOBE> They do still have those DDs.

>> BB BARACO> A suicide torpedo run demands a willingness to die however.
>> BB BARACO> Or more inspiring leadership.
>> BB BARACO> ... or a general insanity.

>> CA ADOBE> I'm an ADOBO-class, I don't want to die. But I'm not going to shirk my duty.

>> BB BARBARA> Hi, ADOBE. You sure took a wide turn getting out of their gun range.

>> CA ADOBE> Sorry about that.
>> CA ADOBE> If they get the nerve I'll do the anti-Destroyer screen.




Why are we slowing down?

>> BB BARACO> I... don't know. Give me a second...
>> BB BARACO> There seems to be some sort of... interference...

Stop. I know where that line comes from and I don't need THE BEAST cutting loose in my ocean.
 
I am surprised at how reliable is info gathered from pubs and brothels but that is not the point right now.
Hey, if your target's counterintelligence isn't that good, you can easily try and harvest information at those sites. Not an easy thing but it is doable.
 
63.3 WAR! - Fleet Battle off the Balearic Islands

>> BB BARACO> Noooo.



>> CA ADOBE> We started this at approximately 14:30 or 2:30 PM.
>> CA ADOBE> Half an afternoon is clearly not enough time for this sort of thing.


That does it!
WE NEED BATTLECRUISERS.

>> BB BARACO> Can you afford ripping out our engines and giving us new ones?
>> BB BARACO> It would still be faster than waiting 32 months for a new Battlecruiser.





Let's talk about that after we win.
 
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63.4 AFTER ACTION REPORT - Fleet Battle off the Balearic Island

What?
We have ZERO points for damage.

DID YOU *ALL* JUST SO HAPPEN TO MISS *ALL OF YOUR SHOTS* through a *four-hour running battle*?!


From 14:30 to 18:00 the track was a simple line running East.

>> BB BARACO> I have no excuse.

>> CA ADOBE> All our shots?
>> CA ADOBE> Put like that, that does sound... inconceivable.




Did the Italians unearth the Lance of Longinus or something?
 
64.1 WAR! - Spain vs Italy - July 1910

(rumors of failing morale in the Italian fleet)

And yet...

>> BB BARACO> We're not the main enemy, that's the US instead.
>> BB BARACO> They have been losing Battleships.

Our morale is super high despite being carried by the US and the Spanish Army.
Because of that I will not reinstitute flogging as punishment for such abysmal performance


Whoa!
That is a HUGE reduction in Patrol requirements.
What did the Italians lose last month?

I think it's more about how they lack the strategic initiative that would demand more patrolling ships.

>> BB BARBARA> I think they used up whatever spooky sea magic they had.

>> CA ADOBE> I think they realized it was no match for our lousy dry country magic.

Yes the reason the Spanish had a hobby of invasion was because no one wanted to actually have to live in Spain.


Hmm.
FURIOSA and FANTASTICA are doing Foreign Service instead of Raiders while Lechon is doing that so much she has become the only other Elite crew in the fleet.

That makes no sense, ADOBO has sunk many more ships.

>> BB BARACO> LECHON is merely useless, not insane.

That... makes sense.


Slowly whittling them down.


1 CA in Northern Spain vs 2 CA.

Wait, that's ADONTBE.


>> CA ADONTBE> *smiles softly*
 
Just: Kind of wondering how the Italians keep sneaking naval forces out through the straits of Gibraltar. Shouldn't you have those locked down tighter than superglue, especially with the USA involved?
 
Just: Kind of wondering how the Italians keep sneaking naval forces out through the straits of Gibraltar. Shouldn't you have those locked down tighter than superglue, especially with the USA involved?

POSSIBILITES:
  • In 1504 Leonardo da Vinci secretly oversaw a megaproject consisting of an underground tunnel between Genoa and Calais that the Italian Navy have been sending their ships through.
  • At the beginning of the war the Italian Navy attempted an extraction of the young prodigy Ettore Boiardi from American soil and, following their failure, they've been locked in the Atlantic for the duration of the conflict.
  • With Gibraltar being under British control, every time they sneak past they have to pay bribes to Albion to launch fireworks that distract the Adobo sisters while the Italian ships make a run for it.
  • Their morale is failing is because they've been using the Suez Canal and steaming all the way around Africa every. single. time.
 
65.1 WAR! - Small Engagement off Northwestern Spain

It is ADONTBE and her puppies.



>> CA ADONTBE> Oh hello.


>> CA ADONTBE> Nice to see you again.


>> CA ADONTBE> Would you kindly please stay this time?


>> CA ADONTBE> Stay forever.

>> CA VETTOR PISANI-class> ** desperate shooting noises **


Wait - 10-inch guns are supposed to be Heavy guns, right?
Is eight inches really no longer enough to deal with medium guns?



>> CA ADONTBE> Am I doing this right?


>> CA ADONTBE> They say actions speak louder than words.
>> CA ADONTBE> It's really hard for me to speak.
>> CA ADONTBE> Social interaction is so scary.

>> CA VETTOR PISANI-class> ** incoherent screaming **


>> CA VETTOR PISANI-class> ** turns away from the coastline blocking its escape **

You know, if you ram yourself into the beach she can't sink you anymore, right?
 
65.2 WAR! - Small Engagement off Northwestern Spain

This is fine as long as we're hitting anything.

CA ADONTBE is getting some hits with main guns at long range.
The enemy's armor is thin enough our secondaries might do some damage, but she's not fast enough to really close the distance.


>> CA ADONTBE> Pursuit predator and prey behavior is fascinating.



>> CA ADONTBE> There are those that say humans are the ultimate pursuit predators because humans just don't stop.
>> CA ADONTBE> Instead of springing at the prey in a quick savage takedown from ambush or a sprint like lions and cheetahs, or in an organized pack of hunters like wolves, humans can simply walk their prey to exhaustion and death.


Hmm.
That says Heavy Damage.

Humans are the super predator because they invented things like spears and bows.


>> CA ADONTBE> There is that too, but homo sapiens could not have been sapiens if they were not physically equipped to survive.


It's either four inches of armor being more trouble than they're worth, or just terrible accuracy.

>> CA ADONTBE> My how time sure flies~


>> CA ADONTBE> Hush now, quiet now...




>> CA ADONTBE> It's time to go to bed.

I am terrified and intrigued on equal levels.
 
Finally, a clear victory! I assume that the calculator will now give the Italians more points because they dented your armor.
 
65.3 AFTER ACTION REPORT - Small Engagement off Northwestern Spain

Nice.

Congratulations, CA ADONTBE. You proved that 4x 8-inch is equal to 2x 10-inch main guns.

>> CA ADONTBE> ** blushes **
>> CA ADONTBE> It's nothing really.

Better rate of fire and doubled chance to hit makes a difference in a same-speed pursuit where only long-range gunnery is possible.


So here's the track.
That's a wild loop of a long pursuit.

1) It started at around 8 AM and ended at around 5 PM.

2) The enemy cruiser went (screaming in terror) due south until around 12 NN,
3) Then, seeing no way out by hugging the coastline, tried to break north west, then north east,
4) Then tried some maneuvers to shake CA ADONTBE or maybe make targeting more difficult
Or maybe it was being on fire...

5) Finally, it ended close to where it started.

>> CA ADONTBE> Persistence is more of a virtue.
>> CA ADONTBE> Did you know that Mongols created the largest empire the world had ever seen on the backs of some oddly small horses?



Once again, congratulations, ADONTBE.

>> CA ADONTBE> Thank you.
>> CA ADONTBE> I'm sorry...

For what?

>> CA ADONTBE> If you will excuse me please, I don't mean to be a bother...
>> CA ADONTBE> But please don't call on me for a little while.
>> CA ADONTBE> I have... things... to do.

Yeah. Sure.
Take a break, you deserve this.

>> CA ADONTBE> Thank you.
>> CA ADONTBE> Um. Also...
>> CA ADONTBE> Please let me know if the stockroom ends up short on ropes and oil...

... I am not even going to ask.
 
Yeah. Sure.
Take a break, you deserve this.

>> CA ADONTBE> Thank you.
>> CA ADONTBE> Um. Also...
>> CA ADONTBE> Please let me know if the stockroom ends up short on ropes and oil...
OH MY~
Hit it George!

So, it looks like the ADOBE class cruisers all have some interesting character traits. Who wants to write up their lines?
 
OH MY~
Hit it George!

So, it looks like the ADOBE class cruisers all have some interesting character traits. Who wants to write up their lines?

CA ADOBO is mad, not angry.

CA ADOBE is "I'm the sane one!".
(She is not the sane one.)

CA ADONTBE is Fluttershy.

CA LECHON is useless.

CA FURIOSA is angry, not mad.


BB BARACO is like ADOBO, but amplified with strength and maturity. Possibly a masochist.

BB BARBARA is fabulous. Might also be Lucy Lawless.
 
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