A Penguin Plays RULE THE WAVES

[bluepencil]

My cash flow is positive now, but I'm down to a hundred k.

What the heck happened in those six months?!


It must have been one hell of a party for the scientists.




That's fine.
SCIENTIA POTENTIA EST.

Wait I just noticed - is that a dog by that guy's feet?



> Italy has halted construction of a BB due to financial difficulties.

That's good news for us!


Eight months remaining to build the BB BARBACOA.

But another Dreadnought at 20 knots speed means we really need to do something about our slow battle line.

 

[bluepencil]

Well good!
If we need speed, we must have the tonnage.



Is this damage control technology?


Good. We need that.
At some point more armor becomes useless.



* taps situation reports in folders *
Ahem.

> 1) Italian Press are complaining about too few Cruisers in the Italian Navy.

Hahaha.
Considering the walloping our two Heavy Cruisers gave them, this is to be expected.

But building Super Cruisers means less time on Battle Cruisers.

Battle Cruisers are stupid expensive though.

> 2) BB BARBACOA is delayed.

Poot.
Though at least it's not wartime so it's not so urgent.

The yardboys just ate up two million of my money though.
Is it time for another audit?

> 3) Someone has stolen Industrial Secrets from us

Wake up the agents.
It's time for Operation Carmen Sandiego again.



Wait, last month I had 189 thousand with income of 35 thousand.

And now I have 922 thousand, for an income/refund for 698 thousand over the past month!

...

Audit was... successful.

Put the fear into them.

They were hearing boss music.

 

[bluepencil]

I didn't even have to do anything!


Yes, let's see it!


That's bad.

Not bad as in bad, but bad as in 'sucks to be us'.

Ten thirteen inch guns in a broadside.
Our BARACO-class can't stand up to that fire for long.

The upside is that it is only barely better protected than our ADOBO-class and isn't any faster than turn of the century ships.

It's a Battleslow Cruiser.

 

[bluepencil]

Good work. Let's put this into manufacturable forms.



Wait, I didn't know we were even capable of putting 4 centerline turrets?

Actually, we can't.
We have superimposed X turrets and cracked Superimposed B Turrets back in August.

We can only put in three midline turrets.


FUCK.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.



Wait, I'm earning half a million per month now but it seems like my expenses haven't changed at all.
What happened?

LISSA happened.

Uggh.

 

[bluepencil]

Give me the intel.
Give me all the intel.

...

Here.

Many Spaniards were inebriated to give us this information.







Our competitive advantage has been removed. Now it's 2 vs 2 Dreadnoughts.

If we're going to war it better be the Italians again.
The CAIO DULIO is dangerous but fragile.

The BB LISSA...
Okay, so 10.5 inch belt is less than what I expected, but it's not much different and that 27-knot speed is literal murder.

All the murder.

 

[slybrarian]

Based on past performance I'm not sure any of those ships will ever engage you anyways.

 

[bluepencil]

Gimme funding.

Gimme ALL THE FUNDING.



Okay. That will help in our next Dreadnought build.


If the Austria-Hungarians have launched their Dreadnought, they ought to be flush with cash right now.
We can't let them have too much of a build advantage for the next ship.


Okay. At least we don't need to worry about that then.



They may have more guns than us, but we will have MORE HITS.


I'm making 800k a month now.
My Dreadnought fund is back!
Ohh sweet relief.

Now if BB BARBACOA could just get her fat ass out of the yards.


>> BB BARBACOA DOBLE CARA> Rude.

 

[bluepencil]

Wait, what?
We totally just skipped over being able to put in FOUR centerline main turrets?


YOU FOOLISH FOOLS.


> Austria-Hungary increases naval spending.
> Austria-Hungary adds more ships

> We lose one of our Colonial Service gunboats.

> Italy has stolen ASW technology from us.

God save us from our own politicians.




Fine. If we don't have the budget to face a pair of Super-Dreadnoughts, let's consider upgrading our existing Dreadnoughts.
How are our 12-inch guns doing?



We have eleven inches belt armor.
We are equally vulnerable to each other, no need for 13-inch guns just yet.

The LISSA could be penetrated, the problem is that it's just so much faster than our ships.

 

[bluepencil]

Muh investments!

...

Yes. Thank me.


Holy shit!

Wow.

Secretary ship, make a note.
Schedule a time for all our scientists and engineers to invade Morocco and all its casinos.

>> CA LECHON> Arribamente, your penguinship!

NOT YOU!



> Italy increased spending
> Something delayed BB BARBACOA DOBLE CARA.

You dreadnought so fat, she was displaying the slips even before touching the water.

>> BB BARBARA> Well ain't you just a queen doing your thing.
>> BB BARBACOA> Mmm hmm.


All righty then.
Still doing nearly 800k c-bills a month.

Docksize supports 23 thousand tons.
I think we should design our new Fast Dreadnought at this point.

 

[bluepencil]

Nope, 23 thousand tons aren't enough.


Already there is no point in armor anymore.


Oh, what luck!
Back to the Design Screen boys!

After this important message from our sponsor:


>> BB BARBARA> Well I'll say they were very well built and advanced.
>> BB BARBARA> *giggle*

>> BB BARACO> Is anybody pragnet?
>> BB BARACO> Pregargarant?
>> BB BARACO> Pregante?



And?

.... aaaand?

Nothing? You just reported that you made unexpected advanced? What advances?


>> CA LECHON> Behold! My torpedo nunchucks!

>> BB BARACO> Someone please tackle this fool. But carefully.

>> CA FURIOSA> WHU-PA!

*CA LECHON gets roundhouse-kicked to heck.




Italy AGAIN is building up steam.
They're gearing up for Round Two and we need to do something about that.


Three more months.

 

[Estro]

Super firing guns, coming SoonTM.

 

[LVV21-CrazyMage]

If you do not think you can get the ship to have a range of protection from its own guns, maybe just focus on speed to get a BC instead. If you want you could get a BB that is a bit slow but has an actual area of protection for it to engage in.

I do wonder, considering that advancements are coming very quickly at the moment, could you not delay a conflict until you get a good ship compared to what the Italians have?
I did notice your docks are expanding quite a bit so maybe you can finally get a Dreadnought that has decent or even good speed with enough armor for it to have a range for it to exploit that many of your enemies have thin belts.

 

[bluepencil]

Hmm. Twenty-six thousand tons are also barely sufficient.
No wonder everyone else has paper for armor.

Again:


Fourteen-inch guns may actually be too powerful for this era.

Britain is already going around with fifteen-inchers though.


24 thousand tons would seem to make for a fast Battle Cruiser that is mainly meant to destroy Cruisers and punish thin-skinned battlewagons.
As much armor as possible to survive being in the battle line, because of course ADOBO would do that.

Other Battle Cruisers are to be punished for _existing_.

That reminds me, ADOBO hasn't been around lately.
What has she been doing the six months I was blinkered?


>> CA ADONTBE> We... we ran out of money, so we were doing side jobs as MPs and anti-smuggling operators.

But our smugglers _are_ CA LECHON and CA FANTASTICA.
Are we... double-dipping?

(from a distance)
>> CA ADOBO> RAM THEM UNTIL THEY GIVE UP!

Is collateral damage the reason your paychecks are bottomed out?

>> CA ADONTBE> For ADOBO it is.
>> CA ADONTBE> I have many... pets... to take care of.



I only have six million.
ADOBO is going to have to wait to incarnate in a new hull.

(from a distance)
>> CA ADOBO> YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME!
>> CA ADOBO> WHERE'S MY MONEY HONEY?!

ANTI-smuggling, you say?

>> CA ADONTBE> Um. Okay, to be honest it pretty much is a protection racket.

 

[bluepencil]

Excellent. Truly excellent.
What happened?

>> CA FANTASTICA> I AM AIDORU!

>> CA FURIOSA> I play base.

...

Merchandising unlocked in the tech tree.



Truly, this cannot backfire in any way.


Good. Good.
The silent service is the sanest service.


> Intel: Italy has laid down a Battle Cruiser of the Lepanto class.

Another Battle Cruiser?!
Give me intel on that, stat!

We don't have it.


How much longer do I have to suffer?

 

[LVV21-CrazyMage]

Very close to complete and it is not that good against it's opposition, thankfully it appears the other nations are going for thin belts Battlecruisers instead of more traditional Dreadnought or the super Dreadnought so it can still do damage (just would not be able to dictate the range and it would be difficult to run away).

I do wonder if you would be able to refit the Doble Cara with better engines and better quality guns so it can always deal with BC's and CA's, I do remember that many BB were retrofitted during the interwar period so they either could maintain their speed with a smaller engine (and thus have space for other things) or go for even higher speeds with the same space.

 

[bluepencil]

This could be a good thing to screw over everyone else's super-dreadnoughts in building, but we're 2 months away from BB BARBACOA DOBLE CARA from leaving the yards.


How about, shall we resume our JOLLY COOPERATION?


> Tres bien Monsieur!
> Muy bien Señor!

It's bien nice talking to ya!

...


One more month, and we're flush with cash.

 

[We Just Write]

C: Nice to see this back.

 

[bluepencil]

>> CA LECHON> WELCOME THE NEW QUEEN!
>> CA LECHON> THE *QUEEN OF THE YARDS*!

>> BB BARBACOA 2 CARA> You say that like an insult, but I *own* that shite.


Huh. Well you've certainly got a unique profile there.
Won't the enemy be aiming at the only part of the superstructure they can see?

>> BB BARBACOA 2 CARA> Joke's on them. My bridge is a decoy.

>> CA LECHON> So where do you put your brain?

>> BB BARBACOA 2 CARA> My glorious butt is everything that I'll ever need to get ahead in life!

... you know, I can't even dispute that.
That aft is clearly a torpedo stern.

What the hell have you done, my engineers.
What have you done.



Hmm. Now that I have money, should I finalize the ADOBO II class?

From a distance>
>> CA ADOBO> I AM IMMORTAL~!
>> CA ADOBO> I HAVE IN ME THE BLOOD OF KINGS~!

Could I just send ADOBO into the Dark Dimension?

In the future, wars will be replaced with children's card games.



Intel: Austra-Hungary is improving and refitting gunnery directors.

Oh, right.
We should also upgrade our equipment for better accuracy, since we can't rely on number of guns - only the weight of them.



What.
But.

We-
We run on coal.

We don't even have diesel engines.


[edit]

Do you actually think our Submarines run on coal-fired Steam Engines?

Fair point.

 

[LVV21-CrazyMage]

Which is why they are baffled by diesel, kind of hard to develop that when you do not have access to oil, speaking of which, do you have any possible enemy with a colony you could take with said resource? I know that eventually oil can be used even if you do not have it directly but still. Maybe the CSA has one?

 

[HolyDragoon]

We don't even have diesel engines.

Click to shrink...

Not even in the damage control technologies? Because that's a DC tech.

 

[bluepencil]

Which is why they are baffled by diesel, kind of hard to develop that when you do not have access to oil, speaking of which, do you have any possible enemy with a colony you could take with said resource? I know that eventually oil can be used even if you do not have it directly but still. Maybe the CSA has one?

Click to shrink...

Not even in the damage control technologies? Because that's a DC tech.

Click to shrink...

Actually on further research, Diesel Engines should be Submarine tech.

Diesel Engines were used instead of petrol engines as early as 1905. Diesel had the advantage in that it was much less flammable.

 

[HolyDragoon]

Actually on further research, Diesel Engines should be Submarine tech.

Diesel Engines were used instead of petrol engines as early as 1905. Diesel had the advantage in that it was much less flammable.

Click to shrink...

Right, just realized there were two diesel techs. Diesel generators are the DC tech, which diesel engines are for subs.

 

[bluepencil]

These ships are inferior to our Heavy Cruisers, why am I still getting reports about them?


Hmm.

Yeah, okay.


My prestige is high enough, but... I don't feel like picking fights with my own government today.
The Navy being around the ear of the President is enough advantage, which is probably why choosing this selection nets prestige.


Julienne Ecole intensifies!


Do we get new fire control technology that needs refitting into ships?


Even better!


> Austria Hungary has rebuilt the Old Model Battleship B Kaiser.

On that note, what would be the useful rationale for rebuilding such an old ship? It's, what? 9,500 tons?
Our Heavy Cruisers are 12,000 tons.



9000 tons.

Well though would make for decent Cruiser killers if refit with better directors or more speed.
Nine inch guns are good enough for that.

Not against our CAs, of course, but everybody else is still going around with five inch belts for their Cruisers.


Dang it, my budget!
We can't afford this!
That palace and that yacht was not worth it!

I should have taken the opportunity to punch the Prime Minister in the face!
Is it too late to pull a coup?


Stop.

 

[FC Error]

It is never too late to pull a coup, Señor Pietro.

 

[bluepencil]

>> BB BARBACOA DOBLE CARA> I am a dancing Queen~

>> BB BARACO> You can dance~

>> BB BARBARA> You can jive~

>> CA FANTASTICA> Having the time of your liiife~

>> CA ADOBO> Collecting welfare cheeeckss~

*skirrch*

:: record stop::

...

:: mass disapproving stares::

>> CA ADOBO> What?
>> CA ADOBO> That's MY ideal life, is all I'm saying.

>> BB BARACO> What about your bloodlust?

>> CA ADODO> *grins*
>> CA ADODO> I AM THE PO-LICE!!!
>> CA ADODO> *makes finger guns*

>> BB BARACO> *cracks knuckles*
>> BB BARACO> Someone's angling for an early retirement.



Go forth and inconvenience the British with my blessing.




Ah. Now I remember that the reason we're solvent is that we put all our capital ships in mothballs.

>> CA ADOBO> SO YOU WERE THE WELFARE QUEEN ALL ALONG!

>> BB BARACO> *punches face*

>> CA ADOBO> th-
>> CA ADOBO> THIS FIST IS SOCIALIIIISM!

>> BB BARACO> TASTE THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW!

*wha-pow*


So we don't lose the elite training of our crews, I'm putting our best ships in reserve status.
BB BARACO taking it easy in the Mediterranean.
BB BARBARA is resting in Spanish docks.
CA ADONTBE also deserves a breather.

>> BB BARBARA> *head in towel*
>> BB BARBARA> *cucumbers over eyes*

>> CA ADONTBE> This spa is so nice.

>> BB BARBARA> We don't call these the 'repair baths'. Beauty like ours takes effort to maintain.
>> BB BARBARA> This is money laundering funds well spent.

ADOBO, go back to working like a dog.
You mad bote have used up all your sick days in well advance.

I am not paying for your asylum vacation.

>> CA ADOBO> Just because I'm a tomboy doesn't mean I don't want to be pampered toooo...~!
>> CA ADOBO> Unfair.

>> BB BARACO> *snaps leash*
>> BB BARACO> *smiles threateningly*

>> CA ADOBO> ... Fine.
>> CA ADOBO> Imma go 'collect taxes' to fund your time offs.
>> CA ADOBO> *mutters angrily while sailing off*



Meanwhile, in the Caribbean:

>> CA LECHON> Where's all the rum gone?

>> CA FANTASTICA> What happened to all my cigars?!!!