Terran Imperium
[French]
- Location
- Southern France
That's the proper answer, Yes. Damn, we need to get rid of this curse as soon as possible and get that ritual too.
A Hero's Quest: Eye of the Demon Emperor
- Thread starter Birdsie
- Start date
- Original Fantasy
Dragonloli123
Bonedad
- Location
- Fifth Layer of the Abyss
Neat what's corrupted Excaliber's statsheet like?
The Paladin
The pitter-patter of the cold water hitting the stone under his feet set the rhythm for his footsteps.
Plip-plop, plip-plop, plip-plop
Again and again, this was the only thing in his mind while he practiced his sword motions against an instructor.
Plip-plop, plip-plop
He always strived to do above and beyond his best. Striving to surpass himself and others, never stopping.
Plip-plop
This was the only thing left for him. An acolyte in a militant order, with no loved ones, trained to love combat. Raised from a young age to be a warrior, a sword, a Paladin.
"Good job Lancel!" boomed the instructor, picking himself up off the ground "Looks like I'm no use to ya anymore!"
"You are far more experienced than me sir, plus, you were holding back." Said Lancel quietly
"Noticed that, didn't cha? Well, no matter, let's go get some lunch. Ya must be tired after all that sparring."
"Yes sir."
As they headed off towards the feast hall, the instructor tried to rearrange his thoughts 'That boy's gonna be a real powerhouse in a few years. Hell, I was using half my power and he STILL managed to knock me off my ass.'
As Lancel and the instructor arrived at the feast hall, Lancel headed off towards a particular table in the throng of lunchtime where your group of acolytes were eating.
"Oy, freak, off crying 'bout your dead folks?"
As one particular acolyte with a mean streak said that, most of the children at the table laughed, except for a small percentage who remained stoic. These were the children that had the highest chances of becoming actual paladins.
"What, got nothing to say? Did that hair dye of your's make you deaf AND dumb?"
He was obviously referring to your purple hair, which, I'll have you know, is completely natural.
As you sat down and ignored him, the acolyte was working himself into a rage, until finally, he stomped over to you side of the table and grabbed your right hand, which currently held a fork that was making it's way to your mouth.
"HEY! Did ya hear me? Or do I need to beatcha senseless until you get the point?"
Quicker than his eyes could track, you held a sharpened dinner knife to his throat.
"I would advise you not to do that" you said, in a quiet, but powerful voice.
The acolytes at the table stopped their whispering, all falling to a hush, their eyes on you.
The bully stared, eyes wide, but not at your face.
No, he stared at the knife you held to his throat, red lines slowly spreading through it, turning the material itself black.
At the sound of your voice, he gazed back at you, only for his eyes to (somehow) become even wider.
A black (nearly imperceptible) mist was starting to waft off your body. More, though, your eyes held a slight red gleam in their purple depths.
As soon as you noticed these changes, you quickly retreated the knife back to your plate, trying to calm yourself down.
'That was close' you think 'I need to keep The Curse under control.'
"What's going on here?" you distantly hear a Paladin, attracted by the hush of your table saying.
"N-nothing sir" stuttered the bully fearfully.
"Settle down then." stated the Paladin, leaving the table.
At once, the acolytes continued their murmurings, many talking about what just happened, and other not.
You happened to overhear one such conversation.
"No! I'm telling you, it's true! One of those Baragars around our age managed to kill a dragon! And a Greater one at that!" said a skinny acolyte.
"That can't be true! No way anybody, even a Baragar, managed to kill a Greater Dragon at our age." said a much rounder acolyte.
"It's true! My dad says she's even using the skull for a tree house." said the first acolyte.
After this, you tuned them out, and started thinking.
'Baragar… Could you be the one to finally give me the fight I've always yearned for? Could you be the one to finally give me… a purpose?'
END
Sorry if it's not that good. It's my first time writing anything for entertainment, so don't be afraid to give me criticism. Thoughts?
The pitter-patter of the cold water hitting the stone under his feet set the rhythm for his footsteps.
Plip-plop, plip-plop, plip-plop
Again and again, this was the only thing in his mind while he practiced his sword motions against an instructor.
Plip-plop, plip-plop
He always strived to do above and beyond his best. Striving to surpass himself and others, never stopping.
Plip-plop
This was the only thing left for him. An acolyte in a militant order, with no loved ones, trained to love combat. Raised from a young age to be a warrior, a sword, a Paladin.
"Good job Lancel!" boomed the instructor, picking himself up off the ground "Looks like I'm no use to ya anymore!"
"You are far more experienced than me sir, plus, you were holding back." Said Lancel quietly
"Noticed that, didn't cha? Well, no matter, let's go get some lunch. Ya must be tired after all that sparring."
"Yes sir."
As they headed off towards the feast hall, the instructor tried to rearrange his thoughts 'That boy's gonna be a real powerhouse in a few years. Hell, I was using half my power and he STILL managed to knock me off my ass.'
As Lancel and the instructor arrived at the feast hall, Lancel headed off towards a particular table in the throng of lunchtime where your group of acolytes were eating.
"Oy, freak, off crying 'bout your dead folks?"
As one particular acolyte with a mean streak said that, most of the children at the table laughed, except for a small percentage who remained stoic. These were the children that had the highest chances of becoming actual paladins.
"What, got nothing to say? Did that hair dye of your's make you deaf AND dumb?"
He was obviously referring to your purple hair, which, I'll have you know, is completely natural.
As you sat down and ignored him, the acolyte was working himself into a rage, until finally, he stomped over to you side of the table and grabbed your right hand, which currently held a fork that was making it's way to your mouth.
"HEY! Did ya hear me? Or do I need to beatcha senseless until you get the point?"
Quicker than his eyes could track, you held a sharpened dinner knife to his throat.
"I would advise you not to do that" you said, in a quiet, but powerful voice.
The acolytes at the table stopped their whispering, all falling to a hush, their eyes on you.
The bully stared, eyes wide, but not at your face.
No, he stared at the knife you held to his throat, red lines slowly spreading through it, turning the material itself black.
At the sound of your voice, he gazed back at you, only for his eyes to (somehow) become even wider.
A black (nearly imperceptible) mist was starting to waft off your body. More, though, your eyes held a slight red gleam in their purple depths.
As soon as you noticed these changes, you quickly retreated the knife back to your plate, trying to calm yourself down.
'That was close' you think 'I need to keep The Curse under control.'
"What's going on here?" you distantly hear a Paladin, attracted by the hush of your table saying.
"N-nothing sir" stuttered the bully fearfully.
"Settle down then." stated the Paladin, leaving the table.
At once, the acolytes continued their murmurings, many talking about what just happened, and other not.
You happened to overhear one such conversation.
"No! I'm telling you, it's true! One of those Baragars around our age managed to kill a dragon! And a Greater one at that!" said a skinny acolyte.
"That can't be true! No way anybody, even a Baragar, managed to kill a Greater Dragon at our age." said a much rounder acolyte.
"It's true! My dad says she's even using the skull for a tree house." said the first acolyte.
After this, you tuned them out, and started thinking.
'Baragar… Could you be the one to finally give me the fight I've always yearned for? Could you be the one to finally give me… a purpose?'
END
Sorry if it's not that good. It's my first time writing anything for entertainment, so don't be afraid to give me criticism. Thoughts?
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Birdsie
Sharp Talons Cleave The Worthy
- Location
- Poland
As you see, except replace Radiant Damage with Unholy. Also, it turns black.
Birdsie
Sharp Talons Cleave The Worthy
- Location
- Poland
This gets my seal of approval.
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Terran Imperium
[French]
- Location
- Southern France
Terran Imperium
[French]
- Location
- Southern France
I think you should make some space btw each line to make it more pleasant to the eye and more easy to read too, as for the grammar I'm not that good either so don't expect something from me in that field
- Location
- St. Petersburg
Actually, no. That wasn't the idea, though I can hardly complain how it turned out.
The thought process was: 'we need to make him waste 10 minutes, how do we do that?' => 'could we paint a target on someone else?' => 'say, if we tell him that a noble/knight sends his regards and hide somewhere, wouldn't he go after our so-called employer instead?' (taking a page from Hobbit here since that is why Smaug went after Lake-town) => 'Hiding is risky; is there a way to dissuade him from going after us?' which in turn resulted in the draft of the idea.
Initially I only wanted to let him get a glimpse of the sword and only be a menacing voice, while playing to his imagination. A child's voice is often similar to their parent's, and the sword is unmistakable (and so heavily enchanted it'd be recognized by mana sense alone). I doubted that even Leona Baragar would just walk out to be singed by a fire capable of melting rock, so us staying in cover wouldn't be too suspicious. I definitely didn't count on his poor eyesight (as I didn't want to come out but I wanted him to notice the sword), and I definitely didn't count on him being, er, logically impaired to confuse a child for an adult (since I wanted him to be in sound enough mind to connect the dots we present to him).
I also fully expected him to be more vengeful and go after our household instead of fleeing (as per the original thought that sparked this), but it seems I underestimated Leona's reputation.
It is probably a poor idea to let people choose the difficulty of a task without something to use as a point of reference. Maybe it's the state of gaming where Hard difficulty is the old Normal, maybe it's the people's inherent competitiveness, but your players will be likely to choose a harder than average difficulty unless a deterrent is present, and some will go for the highest available just for bragging rights. Knowing this, it's somewhat irresponsible of the QM to allow Impossible-tier options, as one of the hallmarks of good QMing is a good choice design, where the options presented are viable. It's impossible for people to anticipate what they are getting into early on, so they will just take it as a tongue-in-cheek challenge to make it work, rather than an actually doomed project... and from there, a QM either has to scale things down, or suffer their ire and accusations of unfairness.
The Great Dragon was marked as an 'above average' difficulty, which made it look like you could pass it with average rolls and a bit of luck or a plan. No further information was available at this point; we didn't even know what stats were for and how far the training would let us improve. People just thought of it as a tutorial challenge, which I don't believe it was, and picked up the tools for the job that ended up mostly unused once we got a closer look at what the job really entailed.
I don't think we'll go hunting dragons again any time soon now that we understand how dangerous they are.
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Birdsie
Sharp Talons Cleave The Worthy
- Location
- Poland
Normal dragons aren't that dangerous. It's just that you fought the draconian equivalent of a demigod. Anyway, yeah, I agree. I could have described that a better to avoid such a thing happening.
Thanks! I'm glad you like it.Actually, Lancel is an expy of someone in the fate universe. Can you guess who he is?
I think you should make some space btw each line to make it more pleasant to the eye and more easy to read too, as for the grammar I'm not that good either so don't expect something from me in that field
Thanks for the help! I'll do that when I actually get to my computer. I'm typing this out on my phone right now.
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Terran Imperium
[French]
- Location
- Southern France
Lancelot-expy ?! You are a genius! I love you! We got our perfect knight guys!Actually, Lancel is an expy if someone in the fate universe. Can you guess who he is?
Terran Imperium
[French]
- Location
- Southern France
At the start I thought it was Lancer honestly, but when I see the Knight/Paladin thing and with the curse *smirk*
Well, he IS my favorite Servant after all!Out of curiosity, which Lancer did you think it was?
Terran Imperium
[French]
- Location
- Southern France
From Fate/Zero , you know the one with the love spot. but with the curse, I was quickly dissuaded.
Out of curiosity, which Lancer did you think it was?
EDIT: Just checked I thought it was Diarmuid Ua Duibhne.
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As much as he's a cool character, I wouldn't be able to write him. With luck that bad, he'd get hit by a meteor the first time he stepped outside!
Terran Imperium
[French]
- Location
- Southern France
Well right now you just need another guy's support and your omake will be canon! And Lancelot as our knight will be guaranteed.
Inserted Tally
Terran Imperium
[French]
- Location
- Southern France
- Location
- Southampton, Great Britain
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I agree with this completely. We got given very basic information at the start of the quest and then because of that, we made poor choices due to incorrect assumptions of poor information/lack of information. For example, we have the aforementioned example of not knowing how the stats work until partway through the quest. Additionally, I also thought above medium difficulty would make it just above average. So doable, but would still require some good choices and planning on our part. Instead it turned out to be extremely difficult to the point I would call it 'extra hard'. Furthermore, I didn't take the difficulty too seriously or worry about it too much near the start of the quest as you put ridiculous options which shouldn't have been chosen or outright impossible. By inclusion of those difficulties, to me, you either won't taking things seriously regarding the difficulties so I shouldn't either or that the the difficulties weren't nearly as hard they seemed to be. Especially since you put one as 'too easy'.
It also wasn't pointed out to us that we are making poor choices or going for a poor build until it was too late for us to do anything other than turn back. Which makes the presentation of us being told that we should have turned back irritating because we put all the work in only to be told at last moment that we had done things wrong. At which point, nobody wanted to turn back as was the sensible option because we didn't want all of our previous efforts to be for nought. I feel that we should have been given some sort of advice on what to do and some hints that we were picking the wrong options. Especially since this is an original setting so we have no clue on what to expect as there is no prior knowledge to be had.
- Location
- Southampton, Great Britain
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I don't think by line works for a vote like this.
Anyway NetTally:
Vote Tally : Original - Fantasy - A Hero's Quest: Eye of the Demon Emperor | Page 23 | Sufficient Velocity [Posts: 571-587]
##### NetTally 1.9.7
[X] Stop him.
-[X] Demand to go with him. He's on trial because of you and you're going to take some responsibility.
No. of Votes: 6
[X] Stop him.
-[X] Demand to go with him. He's on trial because of you and you're going to take some responsibility.
--[X] Try and argue to Cervitou that if he performs the ritual, he won't have to keep getting you out of trouble.
---[X] If that also fails, say that you'll owe him a favor.
No. of Votes: 3
Total No. of Voters: 9
Also, the Lancelot-expy doesn't actually remind me of Nasu!Lancelot. He comes more as a generic knight/squire guy looking for a challenge to face. He also seems a tad on the powerful size.
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Terran Imperium
[French]
- Location
- Southern France
My argument is that we all have the same original goal just with additional lines which does not oppose the other votes in any way so there is no reason for the QM to discard them.
- Location
- Southampton, Great Britain
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Only quick feedback because I am sick and have been restless nights otherwise I would be a tad more in depth. Lancel seems to be on the more powerful side of things, but that is just my personal taste as I feel that omakes shouldn't be use to introduce powerful allies for the player character. But that can handled by Lancel's extra abilities been sealed the same way that Artoria is unable to use Excalibur to its fullest extent. Additionally, he seems to less of Lancelot-expy and more a generic knight/squire OC. Otherwise, a few grammar/spelling mistakes that I can't be bothered to go the effort of pointing out and I would recommend using spaces as it is hard to read otherwise.
There is a reason - to have the winning vote be the one with the most votes. Your vote lacks the majority of the vote as only a minority of people have voted for it. I voted to not include those lines as did most of the other votes so the extra lines definitely do oppose the other votes. If those lines do get included, then the winning vote would end up losing.
Thanks for the feedback!
Hope you get better soon.
My problem, regarding the personality, is that I don't have an example of normal Lancelot, so I decided to use what I know of his myth. Went to seek out Arturia, is an awesome Knight, loves battle etc.
I'll go about adding the spaces when I get to my computer.
- Location
- Southampton, Great Britain
- Pronouns
- He/Him
So based on RL Lancelot rather than Nasu Lancelot then personality-wise then?
- Location
- St. Petersburg
The context of the current vote is a choice between our options regarding the ritual:
- Stop him (and presumably argue back)
- Let him go and forget about it
- Let him go and search for alternatives
The original write-in vote, when taken in this context, was:
- Tag alongside him and change the topic (that you care about what happened to him and why), shelve the ritual discussion for later
The extra lines change the intended outcome of the choice, and their omission was, at least on my part, deliberate.
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