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Confused Jackie Chan and Facepalming Picard Counter New
All Instances of Confused Jackie Chan & Facepalming Picard



Total Confused Jackie Chan Tally: VII

1D100 = 6+25+5+10-15 = 31 (The heck? :jackiechan: )
1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat!Fail! 7 (Why do I even bother... :jackiechan:)
1D3+3 = 3+3 => 6! ( :jackiechan: )
:jackiechan: Bro, at this point, the dice just have a mind of their own. And no one can convince me otherwise.
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = Nat! 97+20+10-10-15 => Nat!Crit! 87 ( :jackiechan: What is going on?!)
1D100 = Nat! 1+15+15-20 => Nat!Fail! 11 ( :jackiechan: THREE NAT ONES?!?!?!)

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Total Facepalming Picard Tally: VII

1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat Crit! 7 ( :facepalm: ...of course.)
1D100 = Nat! 96+25+15+10+5 = Nat!Crit! 151 ( :facepalm: Oh, screw off.)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20-15-10 => Neg!Fail! -4 ( :facepalm: Of course...)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = 11+15+15-20 => 21 ( :facepalm: Can anything be normal in my quest?)
1D100 = 85+15+10-15 => Art!Crit! 95 ( :facepalm: I'm done... I've had enough of this.)



@Randomnerd, thank you for the idea.
 
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King George is definitely going to be furious at the redcoat Generals for what happened, and he would most likely want an explanation as to how the British army is humiliated twice by Rebels.
May I remind everyone that this is just the Battle of Bunker Hill; you still have that special action where you rolled a natural 97. :V
"And I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that meddling merchant!"
- King George, probably
 
Battle of Bunker Hill: Bastion of Liberty New
"Raise a glass to freedom
Something they can never take away
No matter what they tell you..."
–John Laurens, Hamilton: An American Musical

[x] Plan All In
-[x] The British are bound to attack Breed's Hill again! They'll need every man they can get up there, and you don't want to lose out on more glory.
-[x] Gather your men and give a speech to inspire and rally them.
-[x] Get ammunition and supplies over to where needed pronto. You will need them.
--[x] Get them to Breed's Hill.



June 16, 1775
Charlestown Peninsula, Massachusetts

-[x] The British are bound to attack Breed's Hill again! They'll need every man they can get up there, and you don't want to lose out on more glory.


"Come on, men, up and at 'em," Major Jonathan Halbert encouraged his battalion forward as they hurriedly marched toward Breed's Hill, the heavily-loaded wagons full of needed supplied

passing by some tired, but elated, four hundred militiamen that had valiantly defended Breed's Hill and their about two hundred Redcoat prisoners. Some of his men made to spit and taunt at the Redcoats, but Halbert made quick work reprimanding them and turning their attentions back to marching. He had not instituted those constant drills just for his men to lose their composure at the mere sight of red cloth.

"Excuse me," Halbert called out to some soldiers on the outskirts of Breed's Hill as his own battalion marched beside him towards said Hill. "Would you happen to know where Colonel Bridge is? I have urgent business with him."

"He should be in his tent, sir," one of the soldiers, a boy with barely any peach fuzz and no older than Halbert's own brother David, helpfully replied. Halbert nodded in thanks before walking into the fort. While most of the troops were hard at work finishing their fortifications after the previous disruption, Halbert noted with hidden disdain some shirkers more interested in counting their spoils of war than spoiling the war for the Redcoats.

He did his best to ignore them as he made his way over to a tent, where a single soldiers stood guard. "I'm here to see Colonel Bridge," he stated, and the guard simply indicated for him to wait as the man entered the tent. Some hushed words which Halbert could barely hear later, and he was permitted into the tent.

"Major Halbert with my reinforcements, I presume," the colonel, sat in front of a desk, rhetorically asked as he turned to face the young major.

"Yes, sir," Halbert politely responded with a nod. "Six hundred men all ready to lay down their lives for liberty."

Colonel Bridge's face formed a small frown at the major's remark. "Hopefully, they're more willing to lay down Redcoats than themselves. I do hope you've brought the requested supplied as well, we expended half of it fighting off that assault."

-[X] Get ammunition and supplies over to where needed pronto. You will need them.
--[x] Get them to Breed's Hill.

1d100 = 72+25+15+10 = Crit! 122


A genuine smile graced Major Halbert's face at that. "Colonel, I am pleased to inform you that we have brought enough powder and musketballs to build a small mountain. When the Redcoats come again, we will have more than enough to blast them back to Parliament."

Colonel Bridge smiled back. "That is pleasing to hear, indeed."

Result: The forces at Bunker Hill are now fully supplied with ammunition, powder, and even some spare muskets. They will be able to hold out as long as they are needed to. +10 to Battle rolls at Breed's Hill.

-[x] Gather your men and give a speech to inspire and rally them.

1d100 = 28+25+10 = 63


The remaining hours of the night seemed to pass by rather quickly, with Halbert giving a short speech to his men before they spread out to either do their duties or to get some needed rest. It was hardly his greatest performance in oratory, with the major losing memory of half of it just a few hours later, but it had done its task alright enough. He'd even seen some men nod or clap at the end. An hour or two later, it was Halbert's turn to rest. It was all too easy to bring a tired man to his knees, after all.

Result: Halbert's speech, while nothing special, has helped assuage some fears of the men and has kept their spirits up enough. They will be a little harder to break.



The next morning...
June 17, 1775


Rolling... Secret Roll Made!
Did the British bombard Breed's Hill until morning in preparation for the attack? 1 is yes, 2 is no.

1D2 = 2! (They did not. No extra malus suffered by the Americans if it had been otherwise.)


"There they are," Colonel Bridge stated with a grimace, his brows furrowed and his lips pursed as he, Major Halbert, and Dr. Warren watched the tens of boats of Redcoats landing just a short distance away. The gaze of His Majesty's ships performed a careful watch over them, the dozens of cannons peeking out from these vessels daring anyone stupid enough to witness the consequences of attacking their soldiers. The Americans, of course, didn't bite; they were more than willing to let the British come to them.

"Has to be more than a thousand down there," Halbert remarked as he looked through his spyglass, observing the Redcoats preparing their muskets and lining up in formation. He spotted a small coterie of generals on horseback at the back of the forming men, arguing amongst themselves. Halbert supposed that the one with the particularly angry rictus on his face was General Clinton, no doubt more than a little eager to savage the rebels for his earlier humiliation.

"What a shame it is," Dr. Warren lamented with a shake of his head, causing Halbert to turn to face the good doctor. The man had become something of a hero among the men due to renouncing his status as major general and fighting as a private soldier. While Halbert didn't quite understand why the doctor had discarded his promotion altogether, he did respect the man's courage. "Englishmen killing fellow Englishmen."

"With all due respect, doctor, I was born on a Virginian plantation to Scottish parents," Halbert wryly remarked, a humorous tone off set by the serious look in his eyes. "I am not, nor have I ever, been an Englishman. Only an American."

Dr. Warren, not missing a beat, promptly but gently replied, "Then it is a shame to see men shedding the blood of fellow men, even for a cause as righteous as ours."

To that Halbert had no suitable response, so he decided to simply remain silent.

"We'd best be getting ready for the fight ahead, then," Colonel Bridge stated after a moment, taking in a deep breath. "And get out of the sight of those cannons."

"Indeed," Halbert nonchalantly replied as he stepped down from the platform they'd been standing on.

"God be with you, gentlemen," Dr. Warren solemnly stated, and Halbert and Bridge nodded back as they made their way to their respective positions in the fort. Half an hour later, the cannons of the ships thundered, and the Redcoats advanced. One third advanced on their right, one third on their left, and the last marched straight for the center.

"Hold tight, gentlemen," Halbert stated as cannonballs exploded and kicked up dirt around them, "and remember: only fire when you sees the whites of their eyes!"

Drummer boys kept the Redcoats in time.

"Wait..."

The Union Jack proudly blew in the air.

"Hold..."

Halbert, having taken up a musket of his own, watched. And then...

"Now!"

First British Attack

1D100 = 29+20+10-15 = 44

First American Defense

1D100 = 72+25+15+10+5-10-10 = Crit! 107


As one, the Americans poured lead into the Redcoats, men falling by the tens as they continued to march. Halbert quickly placed his musket aside and, grabbing his flintlock pistol, aimed. His shot sheared the grass in front of the officer he was aiming for, but another man's aim was true as the officer fell to the ground without a face. Thrown into disarray by the second volley, the British hastily retreated down the hill to the jeers and cheers of the Americans. Halbert remained cautiously optimistic; the Redcoats wouldn't just give up like last time.

Dr. Warren

1D100 = 34+25+20 = 79


From the corner of his eye, Halbert noticed Dr. Warren dragging a wounded soldier away from a recently formed crater, the soldier clutching his bloodied arm and crying for the pain to stop. Another cannonball landed dangerously close, but Dr. Warren paid no mind to it, solely focused on his new patient.

"We need to stem the bleeding," Dr. Warren called for assistance, and two other soldiers dutifully rushed to help.

"Here they come again," Colonel Bridge exclaimed, and Halbert turned back to see that the colonel's words were true. The Redcoats had reformed and were marching back, determined to put the rebels in their place.

Second British Attack

1D100 = 79+20+10-15-5 = 89

Second American Defense

1D100 = 82+25+15+10+5+5-10-10 = Crit! 117


Minutes had blurred into long hours,

The air was thick and hot with musket smoke that clogged Halbert's throat and explosions and ringing that rattled his ears as he fired another shot towards the British. He could not see where to aim with all the smoke, so he simply said a prayer before each time he fired. Not so that he'd hit someone, but so that he might not be hit himself.

"Momma!! Momma!!"

Another man fell beside him, a boy from his battalion. Halbert forgot his name, and a part of him withered with shame because of it. Sucking in a deep breath, he transformed his grief and shock into cold anger directed at the British. Jamming the musket ball down the barrel, Halbert frantically pulled the ramrod out before grabbing a powder horn and pouring black powder into the frizzen. Cursing as some powder carelessly spilled onto the ground, Halbert placed the powder horn down, closed the frizzen, took aim, and fired. Again, and again, and again, until his hands began to cramp, his legs began to ache, and sweat began to drench his clothes.

Eventually, the Redcoats had sustained enough casualties for their liking slinked off in an orderly retreat, leaving Breed's Hill once again unconquered. There was no great cheer this time around; only somber and solemn relief as they tended to their wounded and moved their dead. As the Americans licked their wounds, the Royal Navy continued to bombard

British Bombardment

1D100 = 79+20-15 = 84

Breed's Hill Fortifications

1D100 = Nat! 96+25+15+10+5 = Nat!Crit! 151 ( :facepalm: Oh, screw off.)


But though the Royal Navy were the masters of the sea, they held no sovereignty over Breed's Hill. And the hill stood proud and defiant, laughing in the faces of their would-be conquerors. "The fish fancies himself a shark," it cried in jest even as dirt and wood flew, men tossed into the air and landing like ragdolls. And the hill stood tall still, bruised but undefeated.

"They're coming again!"

Halbert turned to Dr. Warren with a worried look, his bloody hands helping to hold down a man whose leg was being amputated, the grizzled man's haunting screams tearing through the air around him.

"Go," Dr. Warren firmly stated, and Halbert rushed to the front. Taking muskets from their dead and wounded comrades, the militiamen began to load those as well.

Taking aim, they waited for the Redcoats' eyes to shine white. Then, they fired.

Third British Attack

1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat!Fail! 7 (Why do I even bother... :jackiechan:)

Third American Defense

1D100 = 81+25+15+10+10+5-15-10 = Crit! 121


But this time, in the middle of the battle as Redcoats fall left and right while the Americans are almost untouched, something breaks. A Redcoat, distraught witnessing his childhood friend quite literally lose his head, lets out a terrifying scream before throwing his musket down and running like the wind. As an enraged lieutenant ordered the man to return or be hung for desertion, two more ran. And then five more, and then three. Soon, the left wing wing was disintegrating, with the center beginning to follow it in retreat.

British High Command Casualties

1D4 = 1!

Who is it? 1 is Howe, 2 is Clinton, 3 is Smith, 4 is Gage

1D4 = 3! (Francis Smith has been hit!)

How serious is the wound? 1-5 Instantly Dead, 6-10 Mortal Wound, 11-15 Amputation, 16-30 Major Wound, 31-60 Moderate Wound, 61-100 Light Wound

1D100 = 30-20 = 10! (Oh, he's a goner.)


Halbert could see one of the generals from earlier frantically riding back and forth across the lines in a desperate attempt to reinstill order and discipline within the ranks. Waving a sword around, the man made himself a big and obvious target. He paid for that dearly as a a musketball tore through his chest with a splash of gore and blood, violently throwing him off of his steed. The frightened animal rode off soon after, and the downed General disappeared in the fleeing sea of red, now washing towards the landing. And what was once a somewhat disorderly retreat has turned into a full-on rout, men running and screaming for lives as officers' commands are paid no heed.

The battle was over, Halbert realized with equal parts disbelief, shock, relief, and awe. They'd won.

British Retreat

1D100 = 34+20-20-15-10 = 9


"They're running! They're running!"

Someone shouts–Halbert wasn't sure who it was–but soon enough, the entire fort is swept up with a fervor and spirit so grand and jubilant even Halbert cannot maintain his cool. Letting out a wild whoop, Halbert tossed his hat into the air and cheered with the rest of his comrades. A man rushed over and wrapped Halbert in a big, hearty embrace he was all too happy to reciprocate. Now was not the time for decorum; that part would come later.

"This was for Lexington, you bastards!" One man yells, waving his musket around like a madman to the cheers of the men around him.

"Let's get after them," one voice yells, and Halbert turns to see William Stark, the brother of the familiar Colonel John Stark, climbing over the fort's walls. Just as swiftly as he climbed, however, Stark was pulled off by an unhappy Dr. Warren.

"Good sir, have you gone mad," Dr. Warren questioned with a disapproving look. "We have tens of men in need of medical assistance, and in case you hadn't noticed, the ships are still capable of raining death upon us."

"Stay if you want, coward," Stark growled as he made to climb again. "I'm going to finish this fight."

"No, you won't," Dr. Warren retorted as he grabbed at Stark again.

"What do you say, Major Halbert?"

Halbert turned to see Colonel Bridge slowly approaching, his face marred with tiredness and his body shaking slightly. Yet, the colonel's eyes were alight with a joyous fire.

"Come again," he asked airily, not quite sure what he's supposed to say in response.

"What do you think we should do," Colonel Bridge elaborates with an expecting look. "Should we rest and let the British retreat, or should we try to get one more lick in?"

The British have broken and are scrambling to return to Boston. What course of advice do you steer Colonel Bridge towards?

[] Dr. Warren is right. A sixth of our men are dead, dying, and wounded, the Royal Navy is still bombarding us, and the Redcoats outnumber us four to one. Let them retreat and lick their wounds; the taste of blood will be all the more sour. (Will end the Battle of Bunker Hill)
[] Mr. Stark is right. We've got them running with their tails tucked between their legs! Now is not the time to waste away in a fort, now is the time for action! Let us destroy them once and for all!

Gross Casualties at this point

American: 97
British: 796 (Including Lt. Colonel Francis Smith (KIA), Lt. Colonel James Ambercrombie (KIA), and Major John Pitcairn (WIA).)

Remaining Forces at this point

American: 503
British: 2,204




Author's Notes:

I rolled to see who would get to say the famous white eyes quote, and our boy Halbert got the lucky number. :D Just another lucky roll in the sea of lucky rolls you guys got. (For the record, the other two possible candidates for the line were Dr. Warren and Col. Bridge.)

Also, a headcanon I have regarding Liberty's Kids is that Henri's obsession with food is a direct result of his forced servitude as a cabin boy after he was orphaned on the voyage to America. The captain, shown to be a cruel taskmaster, probably starved Henri a lot, which led to Henri developing his habit of stealing food so as to survive. Now, this is probably just the writers writing him as an obligatory young child comic relief character, but I like to overanalyze stuff so we'll go with my interpretation.

Revolutionary Fun Fact–Despite initially being one of the stronger opponents to declaring independence from Great Britain, John Dickinson was one of only two members of the First Continental Congress to take up arms against Great Britain. He was also the only Founding Father (besides Benjamin Franklin) who freed his slaves prior to 1786.
 
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[x] Mr. Stark is right. We've got them running with their tails tucked between their legs! Now is not the time to waste away in a fort, now is the time for action! Let us destroy them once and for all!

Let's trust in the Magoose Dice to let us win the entire Revolutionary War single handed :V
 
Hmmm, I think we probably shouldn't sally forth. We benefitted from the defenses a lot, and not only will we lose the advantage there, we would also be even more vulnerable to artillery fire.

If even a quarter of the opposing force gets organized, we'd be facing recoats on even ground with artillery against us.

Better to take the victory, and prepare for the next part of the campaign

[x] Dr. Warren is right. A sixth of our men are dead, dying, and wounded, the Royal Navy is still bombarding us, and the Redcoats outnumber us four to one. Let them retreat and lick their wounds; the taste of blood will be all the more sour. (Will end the Battle of Bunker Hill)
 
[x] Dr. Warren is right. A sixth of our men are dead, dying, and wounded, the Royal Navy is still bombarding us, and the Redcoats outnumber us four to one. Let them retreat and lick their wounds; the taste of blood will be all the more sour. (Will end the Battle of Bunker Hill)
 
Enemies are the easiest to kill when routing,we will not get another chance like this

Even if they manage to reform and beat us back

It would just be a stalemate bringing the outcome to roughly the same as OTL

It is a risk,but a calculated one that worse case scenario return us to status quo

[x] Mr. Stark is right. We've got them running with their tails tucked between their legs! Now is not the time to waste away in a fort, now is the time for action! Let us destroy them once and for all!
 
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"Let's get after them," one voice yells, and Halbert turns to see William Stark, the brother of the familiar Colonel John Stark, climbing over the fort's walls. Just as swiftly as he climbed, however, Stark was pulled off by an unhappy Dr. Warren.
Major William Stark was no ordinary man.

He was one of the battalion commanders in the famous Rogers' Rangers and had an important role as a pathfinder during the capture of Quebec back in the French and Indian War. Hell, he was with General Wolfe when he died. He is basically everything Robert Rogers should be if he wasn't too busy being drunk. If he says we should attack while they are running, then his gut feeling must be right.

Still, the dice were insane in this. I've never seen anything like this. Makes the mighty professional British army look incredibly incompetent. :D

[x] Mr. Stark is right. We've got them running with their tails tucked between their legs! Now is not the time to waste away in a fort, now is the time for action! Let us destroy them once and for all!
 
[x] Dr. Warren is right. A sixth of our men are dead, dying, and wounded, the Royal Navy is still bombarding us, and the Redcoats outnumber us four to one. Let them retreat and lick their wounds; the taste of blood will be all the more sour. (Will end the Battle of Bunker Hill)
 
@Duke William of

The debuff from routing next turn if we choose to pursue how big would it be?

-5?
The Redcoats will receive a big debuff due to routing, though they will have a small bonus for outnumbering you since they're on the defensive.

However, your men will also receive debuffs due to them being tired (That second exchange and the bombardment did a number on them) as well as the navy continuing to bombard them as they charge. And they don't have any more fortifications to protect them as well.
 
[x] Dr. Warren is right. A sixth of our men are dead, dying, and wounded, the Royal Navy is still bombarding us, and the Redcoats outnumber us four to one. Let them retreat and lick their wounds; the taste of blood will be all the more sour. (Will end the Battle of Bunker Hill)

Lets not get our army mauled.
 
[x] Dr. Warren is right. A sixth of our men are dead, dying, and wounded, the Royal Navy is still bombarding us, and the Redcoats outnumber us four to one. Let them retreat and lick their wounds; the taste of blood will be all the more sour. (Will end the Battle of Bunker Hill)
 
[x] Dr. Warren is right. A sixth of our men are dead, dying, and wounded, the Royal Navy is still bombarding us, and the Redcoats outnumber us four to one. Let them retreat and lick their wounds; the taste of blood will be all the more sour. (Will end the Battle of Bunker Hill)
 
[x] Dr. Warren is right. A sixth of our men are dead, dying, and wounded, the Royal Navy is still bombarding us, and the Redcoats outnumber us four to one. Let them retreat and lick their wounds; the taste of blood will be all the more sour. (Will end the Battle of Bunker Hill)

As much as I'd love to run them down we're outnumbered and tired. Also we'd be charging into their naval guns and our lack of cavalry means we're chasing them on foot.
 
[x] Dr. Warren is right. A sixth of our men are dead, dying, and wounded, the Royal Navy is still bombarding us, and the Redcoats outnumber us four to one. Let them retreat and lick their wounds; the taste of blood will be all the more sour. (Will end the Battle of Bunker Hill)
Huh, this seems to be a smaller fight than the one OTL unless Wikipedia's numbers are way off.
 
[x] Mr. Stark is right. We've got them running with their tails tucked between their legs! Now is not the time to waste away in a fort, now is the time for action! Let us destroy them once and for all!
 
I more meant the Americans have 600 men instead of the ~2,400 that Wikipedia claims they had. Is this just troops under our direct command or something?
Ah, I see what you mean. If you'd voted to get more reinforcements as part of the preparation for the battle, you'd have jad more troops. Technically, this is more of a rough estimate of how many troops you have and now how many you have in reality (it's not a clean 600 for Americans and a clean 3,000 for the British) because I'm lazy and I don't want to make the OOB accurate to the last detail.
 
[x] Dr. Warren is right. A sixth of our men are dead, dying, and wounded, the Royal Navy is still bombarding us, and the Redcoats outnumber us four to one. Let them retreat and lick their wounds; the taste of blood will be all the more sour. (Will end the Battle of Bunker Hill)

Boston was taken when the cannons of Fort Ticonderoga arrived on Dorchester Heights. Just managing to crush the British advance on Charleston is enough to keep them bottled up in Boston. We have them where we want them, and without a single major loss in the campaign.

@Duke William of I wonder if we'll see a reaction from Sarah Phillips considering she met General Smith and Major Pitcairn during their March to Lexington?
 
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