Once we get our pink (and yellow?) ring user, I want to write an omake where the full team plays just, the worst game of Amogus ever. If this update is anything to go by, they would be terrible at it, and I'm loving every second of this nonsense.


Also, even if they ultimately chose to flee rather than fight, our shapeshifters are still pretty intense. Do you know how strong a manhole cover is? If the two of them and who knows how many others have alternate forms on par with that giant acid centipede thing, this could get rough; we mainly had numbers on our side this time, but that could change now that they know we're onto them. Sure, this is our one-point story thread, but given what the others involve, I'm not eager to underestimate it.

Anyway, as far as voting goes:

I think all roads ultimately lead back home, and by extension to our brother. (The difference in choices there probably mainly come down to how much time we'll get with him before he has to sleep, since he still has a daily life to keep up with.) So while the option to leave right away would be good for that, I think unless any unexpected curveballs come up, we're not at risk of missing out entirely on that side of things?

Then there's the matter of the evidence. Unless that weird alien(?) fruit thingy is at risk of going bad or something, we don't need to worry about that right away; sooner's better than later, but we'll doubtless have time to talk to Nel some more tomorrow, without risk of interruption like right now. (Since even if Shimizu-san clears out fast, the other three would still be passing through the office after us to get back to their homes via the Nel Taxi Service.) So I feel like just saving the debriefing for when we can do it all in one shot would make the most sense. And Nel already said they won't make us do any Public Speaking again, so they'd hopefully think to pick us up and get the full rundown before everyone else shows up. Hopefully. (Okay, admittedly given the established airheadedness, maybe there is still some risk there. Hmm...)

So that leaves the choice of whether to help Miho or Pallavi, which definitely seems like a chance to work on some (much needed) team bonding, who to raise the affection level with and whatnot. With the extra snarl though, that picking Pallavi might also put us on thinner ice with Midori, given how jealous she's been acting. But, here's where I have to play devil's advocate for the unpopular choice.

On one hand, helping Miho is an option I am interested in, since we know the least about her at the moment, and depending on how far she needs help, this could be a chance to get to know her a bit, same as how we followed Midori back home back on the first night. On the other hand, she seems fine enough for the most part, and Midori seems to be the one with some level of actual first-aid knowledge, so it might also just wind up being a case of Too Many Cooks In The Kitchen, where we're not actually contributing that much. And as with the debriefing, I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunity to better connect later down the line.

On the other hand, Pallavi has had more time to make an impression, but there's still overall a similar lack of knowledge, so we'd still be learning and connecting with her too, that IMO makes up for losing out on that for now with Miho. There is the issue of Midori, of course, but honestly the way I see it right now? She's been crushing on us pretty hard already, and she's already pretty pissy towards Pallavi, so going this route wouldn't lose us any serious ground with her in the long run, and wouldn't create any new problems between them that aren't there already. So, it's a drawback, sure, but a light one.

Meanwhile, as mentioned, Pallavi herself seems to be in a bit of a sensitive spot right now after the argument, and (aside from Shimizu-san, who probably needs the space to cool off anyway) is the odd one out right now. If we just left right now it would probably be fine, but pointedly leaving her alone to go with the other two, might sting a bit and put that particular connection on a bad footing early on. Finally, it seems pretty clear by now that Kikuko does way better in one-on-one interactions than a group, so having one person to contend with rather than two is probably going to be less draining as well, when again we still have another big conversation with our brother in the very near future.

@SpoopyGhost are write-ins allowed for this vote? Because if that is an option, I'd want to do a combination approach. Something like this?

[-] Talk to Nel, then Pallavi (Pop into the office just long enough to detransform and hand over the fruit thingy, then retransform and catch Pallavi as she passes through)

If not, then my vote will be for Pallavi for sure, but I wanted to see if this could work first.
EDIT: Alright, going for this one, then

[X] Help Pallavi (She looks rather upset right now, and she helped you out earlier, didn't she? Though you're not certain Midori would take well to that.)
 
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[X] Help Miho (Even with Midori supporting her she seems rather more injured than the rest of you, and even with her attitude she could use someone on her side.)
 
Some stray, aimless thoughts on weapons and powers.
Part 1.5

But it seems later on, she has a way to make it come back? May be some sort of inherent connection between a girl and her weapon, but it could be unconscious use of one of specifically her powers. Cause like, swirling and pushing? May just be my Bionicle influence talking since air characters were green there, but my instinct here is some sort of wind power.
I also realized that it could be something like magnetism? Because of how she can turn on the charisma, lol.

Okay, this one is very very obvious - water.
Shimizu-san turns glum and simply dismisses it, the weapon turning into a splash of water that evaporates before it hits the ground.
Yup

Again, Miho's first power is pretty blatant.
Flinching and detransforming, her dress and blades dissipate into short-lived swirls of flame, which Midori frantically fans away with an offended yelp. "Excuse me?"
Also yup.

She makes to hold a sleeve over her nose, only to nearly swing one of her ornate ruby-studded wrist-blades into her own face.
Also, wrist-blades, huh? Immediate mental association is with Assassin's Creed, lol. Which like, on one hand she does seem pretty small and fast-paced so far, (before that concussion anyway) so it sorta fits there, but also doesn't at all match with her fire powers or personality, at least at first glance. Her getting smacked down by Sister Bear displayed that pretty well. Which is interesting, honestly. Again, feel like I need more info to say more, but at least for now, it sets up a fun contradiction.
 
I will be closing votes in approximately 48 hours from now.

No you're not. The owners are out and without them to defend the place, you all have the oldest and most reliable lockpick in the world. Brute force.
Everyone is exhausted, and most of the others have yet to learn how to consciously tap into their powers yet, beyond the basic transformation. In addition, breaking back in through the front windows would create problems with non-magical law enforcement that would be preferable to avoid.

I am not sure that this is my favourite, but I like to think that We might be able to drop the evidence off quickly and then come back. I am, of course, wrong in this assumption, but it might also be a chance to talk to Shimizu, which I think needs to happen sooner rather than later, although I am not entirely convinced that we can actually achieve anything on that front.
@SpoopyGhost are write-ins allowed for this vote? Because if that is an option, I'd want to do a combination approach. Something like this?
Those are good thoughts, but I will not be allowing write-ins on this vote. (Kikuko is not keen to speak with Shimizu-san right now either, and handing over the evidence would necessarily preclude speaking with either of the others as they would be passing through too soon for Kikuko to return.)

Thanks for the update!
Always a joy to see this continue
Thank you!
 
Everyone is exhausted, and most of the others have yet to learn how to consciously tap into their powers yet, beyond the basic transformation. In addition, breaking back in through the front windows would create problems with non-magical law enforcement that would be preferable to avoid.
A bunch of magic girls fought in the street with a bear that turned into a women that then turned into a bug monster and escaped into the sewers. If they want to avoid trouble they should all skidaddle. Even then crashing the upper window would let them grab all kinds of stuff they could drop off for Nel to go through at his leisure. The computer, more plants, the stuff in jars in the shop corners, all kinds of stuff that'd be quick and easy. They've already been made by the target, there's little reason to not take advantage of this opportunity.
 
[x] Just Return To Nel (Shimizu-san didn't seem to be in a mood to stick around long, so this could be a chance to detransform and hand over the evidence to Nel without getting anyone's attention, once she leaves the office.)

Not really into playing the team therapist. They'll come around on their own, I'm sure.
I'd rather complete our part of the job and wrap things up for the day.
 
Not really into playing the team therapist. They'll come around on their own, I'm sure.
I'd rather complete our part of the job and wrap things up for the day.

That is one way to go about things.

Thing is it kinda looks like part of the story is that no one on the team is Usagi.

Also just the setup of the MC dying without friends or those to mourn her besides her immediate family. I think it's a more interesting storyline for someone who isn't really the typical heart of the team step up.
 
Voting is now locked.

Scheduled vote count started by SpoopyGhost on May 16, 2023 at 8:05 PM, finished with 27 posts and 22 votes.


A bunch of magic girls fought in the street with a bear that turned into a women that then turned into a bug monster and escaped into the sewers. If they want to avoid trouble they should all skidaddle.
The majority of the fight took place inside the back room of the shop, and the rest was in an enclosed space behind the building, so risk of witnesses was very minimal. Still, you do make some strong points that I will be sure to address in the update.
 
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Progress Update And A Minor Vote
The current update is almost ready; I have written it, my betas have proofread and offered commentary, and I have most of the edits for it completed, barring a slight rewrite of the ending to make the voting options better. However in the meantime, until I can have the opportunity to finish up that last part, (which may not be for another day or two, given other matters conflicting) I wanted to bring up something else I have been discussing with them, that two of them separately suggested I put to a vote of its own.

In rereading older updates, I noticed some early inconsistencies with the direction the story and worldbuilding have since taken, that I have been debating myself on whether to rectify. While I have made some minor tweaks to previous updates already, detailed in this post, the changes I would want to make this time are more significant rewrites of earlier sections - not enough to meaningfully alter the actual course of the story up to this point, but still rewriting noteworthy background elements and changing established information to align with subsequent development, (as well as improve some early weak prose) before those things may become more relevant and difficult to untangle in the future.

The two main subjects of these possible changes are the matter of Kikuko's funeral, and the occasional references, direct or indirect, to Sailor Moon and Madoka Magica.

The former was in the very first update, before I had settled on the story's location being in northern Japan; so without thinking about it, I pictured and described the funeral within a western christian framework. The later decision that her parents are loosely of Shintoist faith does not align with that; while I understand there are similar funeral practices in many regards, there are still some key differences that make it feel out of place to me now. One of my betas also suggested an alternate approach to the matter of the funeral, as well, leaving the original update unchanged but writing the new version of events as an omake that would take precedence in terms of canonicity.

As for the latter, these references are spread intermittently throughout the first two episodes; as of Kichirou's introduction, (and with him, the mentions of Werewolf Hunter and Power Sentai Riders) though, I have shifted to using fictional stand-ins for existing media properties. This inconsistency might not seem like an especially important concern, but due to the magical girl series in question being likely to see further mentions as the plot progresses for other reasons, I have come to feel like it may be better to replace those references with similar mentions of stand-ins as well, so that this does not become a problem later on.

Despite that, though, I have been uncertain of whether or not to enact these changes, as they would entail more significant alterations to older updates than previous tweaks I have made, and so feel like they risk pulling the rug out from beneath all of you as readers, or risk slowing down the already-slow quest as a whole while making these retroactive edits. My betas suggested asking you all how you feel about it and putting it to a vote, and so this felt like an ideal opportunity to do that, before the next proper update comes.

How To Handle The Funeral?
> Leave It As Is
> Leave It As Is, But Write An Omake
> Rewrite The First Update
> Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake
> I Do Not Care Either Way
> Other/Write-In

How To Handle The References?
> Leave Them Unchanged
> Replace Them
> I Do Not Care Either Way
> Other/Write-In
 
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[X]How To Handle The Funeral?
- [X] Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake.

In my experience, it's better to fix such inconsistencies so that it doesn't cause problems later.

As for mentioning actual Magical Girl shows... I would say that if they are similar to the stories in our world, it's best to leave the titles as they are. Especially among the readers, there may be those who are not familiar with these stories. However, I'm not sure how problematic this can be, although I doubt it.
 
[X] [The Funeral] Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake.
[X] [The References] I Do Not Care Either Way

Voting by category to make the vote tally happier. I think it is fine to clean up some of the early threadmarks if it would make you happier with the story and more motivated to continue. If that isn't the case the inconsistencies don't really bother me, and you should not feel pressured to spend energy changing it. I don't have much of an opinion on the references.
 
[X] [The Funeral] Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake.
[X] [The References] I Do Not Care Either Way
 
[x] Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake
[x] Replace Them

I think if you're gonna have references to other series be a recurring part of the plot and not just one-offs, using stand-ins for them instead would work better
 
[X] [The Funeral] Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake.
[X] [The References] I Do Not Care Either Way
 
[X] [The Funeral] Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake.
[X] [The References] Replace Them
 
[X] [The Funeral] Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake.
[X] [The References] I Do Not Care Either Way
 
[X] [The Funeral] Leave It As Is
[X] [The References] I Do Not Care Either Way

I don't remember the opening that much, so leaving it alone is fine. Don't fix what isn't broken
 
[X] [The Funeral] Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake.
[X] [The References] I Do Not Care Either Way

hope you have fun with the replacement names if you go that route though!
 
[X] Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake

I do think the original should be preserved for posterity, as well as enabling people to compare and contrast if they want to.

[X] Replace Them

If it's bugging you, fix it. That's not always the best course, but in general...
 
I do not recall personally experiencing any difficulties from these issues, but I imagine that others very well might. I don't really feel qualified to make any judgement there.

I do feel that if you make changes, and these are going to set the tone for the future, then try to make sure that those match the new reader experience. If the threadmarks can be redirected so that reader mode will prioritise new canon, then that is probably enough, but with nothing then... it is nice to think that the originals will still see use, I liked the work as-is and giving them primacy would do that, but if they are misleading then it'll cause disconnects for new readers. I guess that is an argument in favour of changing the past if you are going to change the future? I think that it would be fine to just change things from now on (and ideally list the inconsistencies), *shrugs*.

I also have come to dread rewrites. I find them difficult to read, and that they often spell the end of a work. These are generally more comprehensive rewrites that recreate the entire work from scratch, so the proposed changes don't sound like any sort of issue there, and if you feel more comfortable with the story after these tweaks then that sounds like something that would be purely for the good. I suspect that increasing you own motivation is the best outcome for both author and audience.
 
It was a long time ago, and it is unlikely that even a new reader who'd read everything in one go would have any issues with it, since the events in the opening are far divorsed from current happenings. Moreover, it is a common problem of an early canon, when the idea is still fresh and background information either doesn't exist or is shaped on the fly. This was, basically, "Magical Girl anime, but the heroine is dead in the first episode, GO!" Her family only existed to provide angst fuel and some extras for the funeral before she got into a Meeting With Death, Oh My!

As the story lengthened, things had to be considered in finer detail. What kind of character is our heroine? What has she seen in life? Where does she live and how does she commute to school? Who are her classmates and what was her social standing? Who are her parents and what is her upbringing? It is inevitable that there would be problems with early characterisation when the writer didn't even think of those things, and it doesn't help that it's been so long they might not even remember everything they have said on the matter.

I am of two minds on this. It is not good for the story if the writer is afraid to introduce new ideas for fear of contradicting themselves, so it's best to ignore small consistency errors if they get in the way of Cool Things. Chances are, if you forgot a detail from your own quest, most readers wouldn't remember it either. However, I also respect good planning and the ability to work within existing constraints. If you can weave a good tale without going back on your word, I can admire that. I can also admire fast thinking for why 'that was then, and this is now' applies. To use a PnP analogy, being able to smooth things over and find palatable in-universe justifications for their own gaffes is one of the marks of top DMs.

To summarize: feel free to ignore early canon entirely; it's more important to see the story continue. That said, if you have the ability, the will and the desire to write the best story you could, there is absolutely no reason to not go back and fix those apparent inconsistencies. Just remember that perfect is the enemy if good, and tweaking old stuff shouldn't sap your motivation to write new content.

One of my betas also suggested an alternate approach to the matter of the funeral, as well, leaving the original update unchanged but writing the new version of events as an omake that would take precedence in terms of canonicity.
I prefer having one version of the story, but also having access to the history of edits, just to not feel like I am going insane remembering things that are no longer there. If an old update could be preserved for posterity (somewhere on Google drive, or TextBin or anywhere it doesn't interfere with the story), it'd be ideal for me.

[x] [The Funeral] Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake.
[x] [The References] I Do Not Care Either Way
 
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[X] [The Funeral] Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake.
[X] [The References] I Do Not Care Either Way
 
[X] [The Funeral] Rewrite The First Update, Preserve Original As An Omake.
[X] [The References] I Do Not Care Either Way
 
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