Turn 2--Eva's Quest, Part 1
- Pronouns
- They/Them
Eva's Quest, Part 1
The Buddha had done that which had been impossible for other people. Or had seemed so. He was the teacher that all teachers must compare themselves to, and now Eva felt lost, felt cut off from the self-assurance that had guided her her whole life.
But the Buddha was just that, a guide. It wasn't easy to describe what was missing. There were Bodhisattvas who stayed behind to help those in hell and on earth reach enlightnment, and those beyond.
So what she was missing wasn't as simple as what a Christian might call it, the absence of god, something to be proven in a demonstration of faith.
What she was missing was the Sangra, was that feeling that she was part of something larger.
Attachments themselves were a part of worldly weakness, and yet through worldly weakness one could see the truth that the world was locked in a cycle, in which ignorance brought misery and death.
It was the job of those alive to try to transcend this, and more than that to try to save others.
And so Eva meditated on this, tried to empty herself out, and there sitting on Cora's couch, she found some measure of balance. Yet balance wasn't what was needed, and when she pulled away from the trances, she did so to feel the aches and pains of the world.
Jonathan Graves came in on the second day and asked, "Hey, what are you doing?"
"Trying to find something I've lost," Eva said with a smile, "Through meditation."
"Oh, yeah, my mother mentioned that. Thanks for helping me with the presentation the other day," Jonathan said, rubbing the back of her head.
"It is no problem. I like helping others," Eva said, "And this new world is interesting, if distressing."
"Yeah, I mean I lost my friend," Jonathan said, "And everything's different. My mother's very busy with her work, I know. It makes me feel a little lonely."
"She does love you, yet," Eva said, "Her job is one that is very important. But if you feel there are problems, you need to talk to her."
"How would I do that? Go up to mom and ask her to stop reading through a bunch of papers she never lets me see?" Jonathan asked, sounding a little testy, "It's like she thinks I'm a kid. I'm learning lots of magic from Arrow, but it's never going to be enough to impress her, because she's some sort of super-genius at magic, and she was always…"
Jonathan let out a breath, "You know I don't mean it."
Eva frowned and said, "Cora would understand. Mrs. Graves is a good woman, and kinder than she might think."
Eva knew that Cora had done bad things. Smoked, drank alcohol, murdered. She was attached to the world as well, built to it, wedded to it, and if she took flight in dreams and looked there a being beyond it, that was only a vision. Just as her Mask was. Yet there was something about her that Eva liked and couldn't place, a soul that for all that it had been 'marred' by the standards of some…
Mrs. Graves wasn't going to escape the cycle of reincarnation in this life, but so few were. The point of her religion was not necessarily a belief that all will be saved, but that all can be saved, that all can escape if they know how to escape.
"Yeah, but I already feel like...I know she wasn't even a Changeling when she was my age," Jonathan said, "But it feels like I'm so far behind her. Like there's nothing I can do that she can't do better, and I wonder if she...I've heard one of the other Changelings say she has spies. Is she spying on me?"
Eva wondered at Jonathan's question. She wondered about many things, for to understand the world, you had to...understand people. Like Jonathan. Like others.
She'd never find what she was missing by meditation alone. She needed to go out into the world, and see what she found there.
*****
There are not many buddhists in the city, and there was no such thing as priests in the way a Christian would use it. Yet there were those that looked up to her, and she met them, one by one.
Sally and Shi, a couple, Shi being a former businessman from China, and Harold Flemings, who had been homeless before Eva had found him, but yet others were missing. One by one she found people, and one by one she found she'd lost people. It was a wound in her heart, but it was one that reminded her that she had a heart. Loss was part of the world, was an inherent characteristic of it.
She gathered them and told them some of what had happened, and they tried to accept it as best they could.
"I know people who can provide you help, if you want it," Eva said quietly. She had some money of her own, and her money meant nothing against the suffering she was seeing.
Yet she felt no closer to an answer. The search for the Buddha must not override kindness, and was in fact inherent in it.
*****
When Jason "Smiles" arrived, Eva didn't watch him. Instead she watched Jonathan.
Interesting.
*****
The dream made no sense, but her dreams often didn't, but it felt real in a way that made her shake when she awoke, laying in a heap. She couldn't meditate after that, thinking about it, staring out into the darkness. She walked down a street and saw a drunk man stumble out from a bar, reeling to the left and then to the right. He stood and stared at her, and his eyes were haunted.
He needed her, that's what those eyes said, soulful and lost and longing and angry, angry at the world he thought was failing him. Angry because he didn't know...angry for so many reasons she couldn't even begin to describe it.
And she saw a hospital, and rows and rows of corpses going in and out, in and out.
She...she had to help others, first of all. That's what she interpreted it as, and when she talked to Cora, Cora suggested that there were ways she could subtly help the sick and injured.
As a Candy Striper, she could touch the arms of patients, and give them at least some comfort, at least a little lease on new health.
*****
She prowled the alleys, avoiding fights, going to the worst parts of town. She knew that soon, before she knew it, she would see it. See him. And yet she didn't yet. But she couldn't allow her disappointment to grow, she couldn't demand when she had been given her first prophetic dream since the day she'd lost it all.
She had something, she just needed to find the right person, and let faith be her guide from there.
She was on her way.
*****
A/N: So, a bit short, but it's the start of something, hope the style of writing is alright, might be a bit too vague?
The vote's still open, by the way.
The Buddha had done that which had been impossible for other people. Or had seemed so. He was the teacher that all teachers must compare themselves to, and now Eva felt lost, felt cut off from the self-assurance that had guided her her whole life.
But the Buddha was just that, a guide. It wasn't easy to describe what was missing. There were Bodhisattvas who stayed behind to help those in hell and on earth reach enlightnment, and those beyond.
So what she was missing wasn't as simple as what a Christian might call it, the absence of god, something to be proven in a demonstration of faith.
What she was missing was the Sangra, was that feeling that she was part of something larger.
Attachments themselves were a part of worldly weakness, and yet through worldly weakness one could see the truth that the world was locked in a cycle, in which ignorance brought misery and death.
It was the job of those alive to try to transcend this, and more than that to try to save others.
And so Eva meditated on this, tried to empty herself out, and there sitting on Cora's couch, she found some measure of balance. Yet balance wasn't what was needed, and when she pulled away from the trances, she did so to feel the aches and pains of the world.
Jonathan Graves came in on the second day and asked, "Hey, what are you doing?"
"Trying to find something I've lost," Eva said with a smile, "Through meditation."
"Oh, yeah, my mother mentioned that. Thanks for helping me with the presentation the other day," Jonathan said, rubbing the back of her head.
"It is no problem. I like helping others," Eva said, "And this new world is interesting, if distressing."
"Yeah, I mean I lost my friend," Jonathan said, "And everything's different. My mother's very busy with her work, I know. It makes me feel a little lonely."
"She does love you, yet," Eva said, "Her job is one that is very important. But if you feel there are problems, you need to talk to her."
"How would I do that? Go up to mom and ask her to stop reading through a bunch of papers she never lets me see?" Jonathan asked, sounding a little testy, "It's like she thinks I'm a kid. I'm learning lots of magic from Arrow, but it's never going to be enough to impress her, because she's some sort of super-genius at magic, and she was always…"
Jonathan let out a breath, "You know I don't mean it."
Eva frowned and said, "Cora would understand. Mrs. Graves is a good woman, and kinder than she might think."
Eva knew that Cora had done bad things. Smoked, drank alcohol, murdered. She was attached to the world as well, built to it, wedded to it, and if she took flight in dreams and looked there a being beyond it, that was only a vision. Just as her Mask was. Yet there was something about her that Eva liked and couldn't place, a soul that for all that it had been 'marred' by the standards of some…
Mrs. Graves wasn't going to escape the cycle of reincarnation in this life, but so few were. The point of her religion was not necessarily a belief that all will be saved, but that all can be saved, that all can escape if they know how to escape.
"Yeah, but I already feel like...I know she wasn't even a Changeling when she was my age," Jonathan said, "But it feels like I'm so far behind her. Like there's nothing I can do that she can't do better, and I wonder if she...I've heard one of the other Changelings say she has spies. Is she spying on me?"
Eva wondered at Jonathan's question. She wondered about many things, for to understand the world, you had to...understand people. Like Jonathan. Like others.
She'd never find what she was missing by meditation alone. She needed to go out into the world, and see what she found there.
*****
There are not many buddhists in the city, and there was no such thing as priests in the way a Christian would use it. Yet there were those that looked up to her, and she met them, one by one.
Sally and Shi, a couple, Shi being a former businessman from China, and Harold Flemings, who had been homeless before Eva had found him, but yet others were missing. One by one she found people, and one by one she found she'd lost people. It was a wound in her heart, but it was one that reminded her that she had a heart. Loss was part of the world, was an inherent characteristic of it.
She gathered them and told them some of what had happened, and they tried to accept it as best they could.
"I know people who can provide you help, if you want it," Eva said quietly. She had some money of her own, and her money meant nothing against the suffering she was seeing.
Yet she felt no closer to an answer. The search for the Buddha must not override kindness, and was in fact inherent in it.
*****
When Jason "Smiles" arrived, Eva didn't watch him. Instead she watched Jonathan.
Interesting.
*****
The dream made no sense, but her dreams often didn't, but it felt real in a way that made her shake when she awoke, laying in a heap. She couldn't meditate after that, thinking about it, staring out into the darkness. She walked down a street and saw a drunk man stumble out from a bar, reeling to the left and then to the right. He stood and stared at her, and his eyes were haunted.
He needed her, that's what those eyes said, soulful and lost and longing and angry, angry at the world he thought was failing him. Angry because he didn't know...angry for so many reasons she couldn't even begin to describe it.
And she saw a hospital, and rows and rows of corpses going in and out, in and out.
She...she had to help others, first of all. That's what she interpreted it as, and when she talked to Cora, Cora suggested that there were ways she could subtly help the sick and injured.
As a Candy Striper, she could touch the arms of patients, and give them at least some comfort, at least a little lease on new health.
*****
She prowled the alleys, avoiding fights, going to the worst parts of town. She knew that soon, before she knew it, she would see it. See him. And yet she didn't yet. But she couldn't allow her disappointment to grow, she couldn't demand when she had been given her first prophetic dream since the day she'd lost it all.
She had something, she just needed to find the right person, and let faith be her guide from there.
She was on her way.
Oh I'm On My Way, I know I am (DC 40): 1d100-15 (New World)+10 (Piety)+10 (Cora's Aid)=1d100+5=91
Somewhere Not So Far From here (DC 50): 1d100+5+10 (Overrun divided by five)=71
All I Know Is All I Feel Right Now (DC 55): 1d100+5+4 (Overrun divided by 5)+3 (On a roll)=53
I Feel A Power Growing In My Hair (DC: 60): 1d100+5-5 (Failure)=65
Sitting On My Own Not By Myself (DC: 70): 1d100-10 (New World)+10 (Piety)+10 (Cora's Help)+5 (Friends and Followers)=45
Everybody's Helping Me (DC: 75): 1d100+25-25 (Failure in the Last Roll)=76
I Don't Need To Touch Your Face To Know (DC: 75): 1d100+25=80
And I Don't Need To Use My Eyes To See (DC: 80): 1d100+25+1 (Previous overrun/5)=92
I Always Wonder If I Sleep Too Long (DC: 75): 1d100+25+4 (Previous overuns/3)=88
Will I Always Wake Up The Same (Or so)--DC 80: 1d100+25+5 (Previous overrun)=109
And Keep Wondering If I Sleep Too Long--DC 85: 1d100+25+7=125
Will I Even Wake Up Again, Or Something--DC 90: 1d100+25+10=132
Oh I'm On My Way I Know I Am (DC: 75): 1d100+16+11=75
But There Were Times When I Thought Not (DC 95): 1d100+25=90
Bleeding Half My Soul In Bare Company (DC 100): 1d100+25-5=40, finally stalled here, will continue next week from here.
Somewhere Not So Far From here (DC 50): 1d100+5+10 (Overrun divided by five)=71
All I Know Is All I Feel Right Now (DC 55): 1d100+5+4 (Overrun divided by 5)+3 (On a roll)=53
I Feel A Power Growing In My Hair (DC: 60): 1d100+5-5 (Failure)=65
Sitting On My Own Not By Myself (DC: 70): 1d100-10 (New World)+10 (Piety)+10 (Cora's Help)+5 (Friends and Followers)=45
Everybody's Helping Me (DC: 75): 1d100+25-25 (Failure in the Last Roll)=76
I Don't Need To Touch Your Face To Know (DC: 75): 1d100+25=80
And I Don't Need To Use My Eyes To See (DC: 80): 1d100+25+1 (Previous overrun/5)=92
I Always Wonder If I Sleep Too Long (DC: 75): 1d100+25+4 (Previous overuns/3)=88
Will I Always Wake Up The Same (Or so)--DC 80: 1d100+25+5 (Previous overrun)=109
And Keep Wondering If I Sleep Too Long--DC 85: 1d100+25+7=125
Will I Even Wake Up Again, Or Something--DC 90: 1d100+25+10=132
Oh I'm On My Way I Know I Am (DC: 75): 1d100+16+11=75
But There Were Times When I Thought Not (DC 95): 1d100+25=90
Bleeding Half My Soul In Bare Company (DC 100): 1d100+25-5=40, finally stalled here, will continue next week from here.
*****
A/N: So, a bit short, but it's the start of something, hope the style of writing is alright, might be a bit too vague?
The vote's still open, by the way.
Last edited: