For me its when the SI pretends that telling the characters that they're fictional will break their puny minds, usually as an excuse to keep everyone in the dark. I could see that happening if it were actually true, for example if the SI had the power to jump into books, but the general SI metastructure usually implies a multiversal setup so its just a bad excuse for angst.
Telling the same scene from multiple perspectives and keeping it interesting for the readers is often difficult, since you're going over the same points with just a few changes. I'd recommend against it, personally. An astute reader could already catch that the sentence after the contentious paragraph is the important one, if they know Bitch's character.
Rather than writing up the scene again, might I suggest inserting a line having Lisa notice what was happening (rather than being completely flabbergasted and unable to read body language for some reason), and editing the speech to Bitch so it sounds less like he's talking to a small child? Then just move on to the next scene instead of rehashing the current one.
