HalfTangible
Only half sane (it's less cringe)
- Location
- Valkyrie, Primus
If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed Mo'
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from
Where did you go?
Where did you come from cotton-eyed Mo'
Son of Death (30k Mortarion Quest)
- Thread starter Maugan Ra
- Start date
If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed Mo'
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from
Where did you go?
Where did you come from cotton-eyed Mo'
- Location
- Somewhere Beyond the Sea
Now that I think about it, Farmer Mort may actually end up falling to Khorne solely due to the level of frothing rage one gets when herding dumbass animals like sheep.
Oh man, sheep. I'd swear their brains are wired to either try and get themselves killed or end up in the most bizarre and unhelpful situations whilst bleating pathetically. I'd rather look after a horde of children that aren't old enough to have developed a concept of danger yet. Far less stressful.
Jack vile Ripper
The swellest guy in Creation.
- Location
- Indonesia
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Sheep are dumb. One moment you'll be looking away to do something important, the next second you'll see those furred bastard's are lying on their backs; open for any predators to gut them.
The worst thing is that they can't get themselves up, so you'll have to watch them like a hawk. The last thing you want is to leave those bleating whoresons on their back for more hours than it is recommended and you'll get yourself a sheep with a broken back. A crippled sheep = an unproductive one = the only good things that they can produce now is their meat.
God, sheep are dumb.
The worst thing is that they can't get themselves up, so you'll have to watch them like a hawk. The last thing you want is to leave those bleating whoresons on their back for more hours than it is recommended and you'll get yourself a sheep with a broken back. A crippled sheep = an unproductive one = the only good things that they can produce now is their meat.
God, sheep are dumb.
- Location
- Germany
Sounds like the Word Bearers.
Modus_Tollens
SCREAMING.
- Location
- ALSO SCREAMING.
I don't think we can actually make that joke anymore, not after last quest. Lorgar was the MVP there and I think his actions managed to absolve his Legion of its sins in every continuity.
No, no. Cats are worse because they are boundless fonts of malice who mastered the art of malicious compliance while we were first testing out agriculture. Sheep bork out at random intervals but cats bork out at whatever moment it causes the most harm.
To get worse than that you need to look at things like emu who seem to be in constant bork mode regardless of time of day, every day, forever.
...
Wait. Its a little bit of an aside but... wasn't there a big point of the Eldar trading their own absurdly advanced agricultural technology to the Squats during their brief trade triangle between each other and the fucking orks? That somehow strikes me as relevant, somewhere and somehow.
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- Location
- England, unfortunately.
- Pronouns
- She/They
You act like this is a bad thing.
- Location
- Canada
Also, in some ways, Farmer! Mortarion is the perfect fit for the overall ethos of the Death Guard as it relates to ignoring pain and enduring discomfort; anecdotally from my own family, farmers hate to admit that they have genuine human frailties, or that they experience pain in the way that mere mortals do. Farmers are tough, tough people, a lot of the time.
If a farmer shows up at the hospital of their own volition (that is, that their children or significant other didn't force them to), it means that said farmer is in the sort of pain that'd cripple normal folk. If that farmer shows up at the hospital during the harvest season? It means his body is actively dying on him. Because to a Farmer, the reaper can wait to take him until the crop is in the bin.
If a farmer shows up at the hospital of their own volition (that is, that their children or significant other didn't force them to), it means that said farmer is in the sort of pain that'd cripple normal folk. If that farmer shows up at the hospital during the harvest season? It means his body is actively dying on him. Because to a Farmer, the reaper can wait to take him until the crop is in the bin.
- Location
- Germany
DC had to invent Kryptonians because Farmer! Superman would have been too OP.
somewhatLazy
Serial Procrastinator
- Location
- lurking
[x] A Farmer
Also interested in Philosopher, but this is the most unique path among the Primarchs (although Vulcan "my ideal life is popping out to occasionally kill giant monsters and nothing else" probably also counts).
Also interested in Philosopher, but this is the most unique path among the Primarchs (although Vulcan "my ideal life is popping out to occasionally kill giant monsters and nothing else" probably also counts).
Night_stalker
Slava Ukraini!
- Pronouns
- He/Him
As a former sheep farmer, can confirm they are stupid and nearly drove me to Khaine a few times.
Including that time two idiot brothers put in a lot of effort to kill themselves.
Like, "finding a gate I didn't know was open, and then charged into a flexible electric fence that was off and choked self to death" and in the same week, his brother got into a headbutting contest with the barn door levels of stupid. Hint, the barn door won.
No, that's unfair. I would prefer herding cats. At the very least, when a cat gets annoying, I can pick them up.
Herding sheep in groups is easy. Get something they want (sunflower seeds, grain), show you have it, and start walking. They'll follow you to the gates of the local slaughterhouse if they think it'd mean sunflowers. Even if they have their doubts, they'll stick with the flock.
It's when you get them on their own that you have issues. Because they're skittish. Best tip I learned is move to their opposite. You want them to go to their left, move in on their right.
Also the issue is getting hold of them. Worse come to it, keep after them until they slow down, and then just grab their horns or if they're unsheared, their wool and work up to the horns, if you're smart and thought ahead, tie a rope or dog lead you brought along around their neck, and you can somewhat walk them like a dog.
Yes, that worked, I have a picture of a bastard ram who got loose and I had to bring back on a lead because dragging him was not gonna be easy.
It would certainly be amusing.
"Whenever Mortarian liberated a world, he would not move on until he had set up a self-sufficient agricultural system, and left advisors behind to ensure proper cultivation, establish farmer's markets in the nearby Hive Worlds, and form a government whose first concern would always be the well-being of the land. The series of Agri-Worlds founded by the Farm Guard would provide much of the healthy produce on which the Imperium's armies would depend."
Joke aside though I think 'terraforming' or at least 'terrarecovery' might be a more interesting way to go as a Legionary meme. Mortarian created technology to help his Death Guard fight in a poisonous world but now he's turning his mind to farming he might be creating technology to make the land habitable to humans one way or another. That could be something interesting to develop. Instead of just learning to fight in Hell Mortarian prides himself on Taming Hell, on Fixing Hell. His Legion arrives on a broken world and teaches the locals how to survive, fixes the Underhive and sets an environmental reclamation projects in the works to fix the rad desert and the acid sea.
- Location
- New York
Yep, not first-hand experience but an English fanfic author I read stories from occasionally talked about how he had to practically drag his mom away from farm work a week after she had heart surgery.
Hermes King
Hack Writer in the making
- Pronouns
- He/Him
[X] A Lawgiver
Dmol8
The Undead Unhinged Lunatic of the Web
- Location
- Belgrade,Serbia
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
Oh man, sheep. I'd swear their brains are wired to either try and get themselves killed or end up in the most bizarre and unhelpful situations whilst bleating pathetically. I'd rather look after a horde of children that aren't old enough to have developed a concept of danger yet. Far less stressful.
Just because sheep are one of the oldest domesticated species of cattle doesn't mean that their instincts as animals are fully bent to being tame.
Cats are a syncretic species to Humans so unlike sheep or any other domesticated species as far as I am aware, no dogs don't count see dingo and crows/corvids aren't domesticated, they live in our ecosystem because they are a part of it instead of being caught up in it.
You are not describing anything human males haven't done. Repeatedly down the ages.
Yes well there is a reason people who just go with the flow of society get called sheep.
Also why would our animal slaves be skittish around us? And obedient when a collar gets put on them?
somewhatLazy
Serial Procrastinator
- Location
- lurking
[X] A Philosopher
Changing vote from Farmer after some more thought.
Changing vote from Farmer after some more thought.
In the possible near future, during a meeting between Leman and Mort.
"Brother, I wish to ask for a pair of Fenrisian pups."
"Aye, you and yours have done well by my sons and me. You can have the pups."
"Thank you, I shall put them to good use. They shall fight the most tenuous battles upon my homeworld, but it shall be for a good cause."
"Wolves are savage creatures in their hearts; thus, they require a most savage foe to defeat."
"And they shall have that foe in the form of tending to the herds of my War-Sheep."
"...Come again?"
"They shall become my Sheep-Dogs. The most ferocious protectors of the herds and the goodiest of boys."
"Not for want of telling what you can or cannot do, brother, but what the wolfing fuck?"
"Brother, I wish to ask for a pair of Fenrisian pups."
"Aye, you and yours have done well by my sons and me. You can have the pups."
"Thank you, I shall put them to good use. They shall fight the most tenuous battles upon my homeworld, but it shall be for a good cause."
"Wolves are savage creatures in their hearts; thus, they require a most savage foe to defeat."
"And they shall have that foe in the form of tending to the herds of my War-Sheep."
"...Come again?"
"They shall become my Sheep-Dogs. The most ferocious protectors of the herds and the goodiest of boys."
"Not for want of telling what you can or cannot do, brother, but what the wolfing fuck?"
I'd take cows or pigs or alpacas anyday regardless. Cows are generally sweethearts as long and as you make sure they don't lean on you, you're fine. Pigs are intelligent and generally use that intelligence to be lazy when you need them to do something; judging from the few times I've helped with Alpacas, I'd rather work with them too even if their highly inquisitive nature can cause problems. Horses I'd rather leave to more experienced hands though because in my (limited) experience they're emotionally incredibly sensitive whilst also being pretty dumb. But to loop back to my anti-sheep preference - you can generally persuade cows, you can generally negotiate with/bribe/channel pigs and alpacas, even if that's work to set up..
Sheep... there's just so little there to work with. Not a fan of having to deal with those idiots. Bah!
Edit: pun not intended.
- Location
- New York
You know instead of sheep I can see Morty raising goats, they are mountains climbers, able to eat pretty much anything, and can actually defend themselves.
Considering how it is Warhammer though the goats would probably be like the Damascus goat species from Egypt.
Adoptive looking while young, but become ugly looking when as adults.
Considering how it is Warhammer though the goats would probably be like the Damascus goat species from Egypt.
Adoptive looking while young, but become ugly looking when as adults.
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- Location
- Ireland
I just realised, with us most likely going the Farmer path, our Legion won't be to fond of Rad or Phosphex weapons. Corpses killed with more conventional weapons can be used as fertiliser
Jack vile Ripper
The swellest guy in Creation.
- Location
- Indonesia
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Volkite! It's so early into the Crusade that Volkite weapons are the most used firearm by the Astartes as opposed to the Bolters.
- Location
- Germany
Cough
Also, I only support the Holy Trinity of Bolter, Melta and Flamer.
A special place in ny heart for Plasma, but that D6 on exploiding dampens enthusiasm.
You know what would be cool? Power Pikes or similar medieval weapons derived from farming equipment.
Irony levels breached?
Also, I only support the Holy Trinity of Bolter, Melta and Flamer.
A special place in ny heart for Plasma, but that D6 on exploiding dampens enthusiasm.
You know what would be cool? Power Pikes or similar medieval weapons derived from farming equipment.
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Dmol8
The Undead Unhinged Lunatic of the Web
- Location
- Belgrade,Serbia
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
You know instead of sheep I can see Morty raising goats, they are mountains climbers, able to eat pretty much anything, and can actually defend themselves.
Considering how it is Warhammer though the goats would probably be like the Damascus goat species from Egypt.
Adoptive looking while young, but become ugly looking when as adults.
Those are uncanny valley all the way for me. Let's get Damascus
Dmol8
The Undead Unhinged Lunatic of the Web
- Location
- Belgrade,Serbia
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
Get some Šarplaninac. Should help you semi-automate dealing with sheep. Just make sure the dogs see you as the boss/leader/alpha or you'll be herded alongside the sheep.