Grue
滅亡迅雷
- Location
- -
Edited in now.
Others are waiting for Mort to confirm if I need to edit them in.
Skeleton Quest (SI/Harry Potter)
Others are waiting for Mort to confirm if I need to edit them in.
- Location
- The Great Beyond
- Pronouns
- He/She/They
Thanks!
Update 3
Mortifer
Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.
- Location
- Under a rock.
As it turns out, the Headmaster of Hogwarts has the most stylish robes.
I look fabulous in this thing. And it's even got an enchantment on it that means that it swept ominously when I moved! I mean, it could be better, but it's still pretty good.
I'll need to put more effort into learning how to make the most out of these sweet robes. Maybe I'll bribe Snape to teach me how he pulls them off so well, assuming that he pulls it off as well as I remember.
Speaking of which, time for DADA interviews!
For some reason or another, I'm supposed to do that interview in the office that will later go to whoever gets the job. I was already fashionably late, so there was no need to keep them waiting any longer.
"Sleepy." I say. "Can you apparate inside Hogwarts while carrying me around?"
"Yes, sir." The House Elf replies. "Right away, sir."
A moment later, and I was sitting in a rather dark and empty room, with a desk between me and the door.
This place could really use some decorations.
"Thank you, Sleepy." I say. "You may leave."
The House Elf vanishes, and I walk to the door. As I approach, it bursts open, allowing me to strut into the room uninterrupted.
I love this castle.
"Interviews have begun." I state dramatically. "You will enter one at a time, and you will wait here when you are done. Which of you has been hired will be revealed after the interview has concluded."
And with that, I walked back into the room, and the door slammed shut behind me, for just long enough for me to sit at the desk.
Alright now, let's see how this goes.
"Fen- Er... Rirnef Kcabyerg." The man with a magnificent moustache says.
"Please to meet you, Fener Rirnef Kcabeyreg." I reply. "Now, why are you looking for a job at Hogwarts?"
"I've always wanted to be a teacher." He says. "I just really love kids, you know?"
"They're very lovable." I reply. "But alas, a love of a job isn't enough to get it. What qualifications do you have?"
The man stares at my chest with wolflike hunger for a moment, before he realized I had spoken. "Oh. Er. Well, I've had a lot of experience with Werewolves."
"That's a good start." I reply. "Anything else?"
He pauses. "...Not really." He admits.
I shake my head. "A shame." I reply. "But still, werewolves are better than nothing. I'll keep you in mind, Mr Kcabeyre-"
I get no further, before he launches over the table and grabs my ribs.
A moment passes, before I'm able to react.
"Kya!" I exclaim, kicking him away. "B-Baka!"
And then my brain reasserts itself, and I'm able to speak English again.
"I-If that's the kind of behaviour I can expect of you, Kcabeyreg, then don't expect to get this job. I don't want such a lewd man around children!"
The man hangs his head. "Er, sorry. I thought I saw some... Nargles."
"What an obvious lie!" I dismiss him. "Nargles are invisible! You can't see them!"
"My mistake." The man with the great moustache says, taking a moment to adjust his glorious facial hair for some reason. "I'll... I'll just go."
"Shoryuken."
"Thank you, Augus- OH GOD THE PAIN"
"'m fine." I grunt. "Totally let her do that."
"I'm sure you did." The man replied. "Still, old witches are the worst, aren't they? I recall those words being repeated often in my latest book, Breakdancing with Baba Yaga."
I paused, and look at the man. "Wait, are you-"
"Gilderoy Lockhart." The man replies. "Famous Light Wizard, renown author, four-times winner of the Witch's Weekly Most Charming Smile award, Dark Lord in Training, Order of Merlin 3rd Class, honorary member of the Dark Force Defence League."
"...What was that fourth thing?"
"Betrothed to no less than nine Wizarding Princesses, and at least double that in Muggle Princesses?"
"...Must have misheard." I said. "Anyway, that's quite a resume."
"Oh, it's only scratching the surface." He says, placing a large stack of paper on my desk, at least double his size. I'm not sure where he was keeping it, myself. "Here is a brief summary of my more famous exploits." He says.
"...Right." I reply, looking at the first piece of paper. "...Autobiography of Lord Oublie, Gay Boocks Kysth?"
Gilderoy snatches the paper off of me. "Oops, spoilers." He says. "That's for a book I've been planning on a while now."
"...Gay Boocks Kysth?" I repeat.
"Anagrams are hard." He admits. "Anyway, I'm sure I've made my impact. I look forward to working with you."
"You are better than most of my interviewees so far." I admit. But it was too late. He had already left.
"I haven't even done anything yet, Professor Mortifer. Nor will I, since Miss Longbottom has beaten me to the punch in mugging you."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
The green-haired, seeing that there was nothing more that he could do, left.
"Are we going to conduct an interview?" The man asks. "Or are we just here to practice saying my name?"
"I'm not sure we should even have an interview." I reply. "Even if I do hire you, I'll just have to hire someone else to replace you as Potion Master."
"Already sorted." Snape replies. "The Tunnel Snakes have lined up a skilled replacement for me."
"Tunnel Snakes?" I asked, but Severus ignored me.
"And besides." He continues. "I am, without a doubt, the most qualified for the job."
"Be that as it may." I reply. "I'm too lazy to do another interview for potion master, so I can't accept you."
"Ah, laziness." Severus replies. "Truly, Hogwarts is in good hands, when the Headmaster makes decisions based on what is easier."
"I might be convinced to change my mind if you explain the Tunnel Snakes comment." I say.
In response, Snape stands up, and lea-
Oh man, he totally rocks those robes, and I'm not even seeing an enchantment on those, how can a mortal man achieve this level of stylishness and how do I follow in his footsteps.
...Oh. It's Quirrell. Philosopher's Stone, I guess.
"Aren't you the Muggle Studies teacher?" I ask him.
"Y-Yes." He stutters. "B-But I f-feel as if I c-could use a c-change in v-vocation."
"But effort." I reply. "You're dismissed."
The man pauses for a while, before standing. "S-Sorry for w-wasting y-your t-time..."
You know, he's rather good at hiding how evil he is.
~~~~~Not all interviews were shown on-screen, because that'd take too long to write and screw that noise.
I look fabulous in this thing. And it's even got an enchantment on it that means that it swept ominously when I moved! I mean, it could be better, but it's still pretty good.
I'll need to put more effort into learning how to make the most out of these sweet robes. Maybe I'll bribe Snape to teach me how he pulls them off so well, assuming that he pulls it off as well as I remember.
Speaking of which, time for DADA interviews!
For some reason or another, I'm supposed to do that interview in the office that will later go to whoever gets the job. I was already fashionably late, so there was no need to keep them waiting any longer.
"Sleepy." I say. "Can you apparate inside Hogwarts while carrying me around?"
"Yes, sir." The House Elf replies. "Right away, sir."
A moment later, and I was sitting in a rather dark and empty room, with a desk between me and the door.
This place could really use some decorations.
"Thank you, Sleepy." I say. "You may leave."
The House Elf vanishes, and I walk to the door. As I approach, it bursts open, allowing me to strut into the room uninterrupted.
I love this castle.
"Interviews have begun." I state dramatically. "You will enter one at a time, and you will wait here when you are done. Which of you has been hired will be revealed after the interview has concluded."
And with that, I walked back into the room, and the door slammed shut behind me, for just long enough for me to sit at the desk.
Alright now, let's see how this goes.
~~~~~
"Name.""Fen- Er... Rirnef Kcabyerg." The man with a magnificent moustache says.
"Please to meet you, Fener Rirnef Kcabeyreg." I reply. "Now, why are you looking for a job at Hogwarts?"
"I've always wanted to be a teacher." He says. "I just really love kids, you know?"
"They're very lovable." I reply. "But alas, a love of a job isn't enough to get it. What qualifications do you have?"
The man stares at my chest with wolflike hunger for a moment, before he realized I had spoken. "Oh. Er. Well, I've had a lot of experience with Werewolves."
"That's a good start." I reply. "Anything else?"
He pauses. "...Not really." He admits.
I shake my head. "A shame." I reply. "But still, werewolves are better than nothing. I'll keep you in mind, Mr Kcabeyre-"
I get no further, before he launches over the table and grabs my ribs.
A moment passes, before I'm able to react.
"Kya!" I exclaim, kicking him away. "B-Baka!"
And then my brain reasserts itself, and I'm able to speak English again.
"I-If that's the kind of behaviour I can expect of you, Kcabeyreg, then don't expect to get this job. I don't want such a lewd man around children!"
The man hangs his head. "Er, sorry. I thought I saw some... Nargles."
"What an obvious lie!" I dismiss him. "Nargles are invisible! You can't see them!"
"My mistake." The man with the great moustache says, taking a moment to adjust his glorious facial hair for some reason. "I'll... I'll just go."
~~~~~
"Nice to meet you, Miss Longbottom. Can I call you Augusta?""Shoryuken."
"Thank you, Augus- OH GOD THE PAIN"
~~~~~
"Are you alright?" Asked the man with the beautiful smile. A hand is offered to me, and I take it, using it to pull myself off the ground.""'m fine." I grunt. "Totally let her do that."
"I'm sure you did." The man replied. "Still, old witches are the worst, aren't they? I recall those words being repeated often in my latest book, Breakdancing with Baba Yaga."
I paused, and look at the man. "Wait, are you-"
"Gilderoy Lockhart." The man replies. "Famous Light Wizard, renown author, four-times winner of the Witch's Weekly Most Charming Smile award, Dark Lord in Training, Order of Merlin 3rd Class, honorary member of the Dark Force Defence League."
"...What was that fourth thing?"
"Betrothed to no less than nine Wizarding Princesses, and at least double that in Muggle Princesses?"
"...Must have misheard." I said. "Anyway, that's quite a resume."
"Oh, it's only scratching the surface." He says, placing a large stack of paper on my desk, at least double his size. I'm not sure where he was keeping it, myself. "Here is a brief summary of my more famous exploits." He says.
"...Right." I reply, looking at the first piece of paper. "...Autobiography of Lord Oublie, Gay Boocks Kysth?"
Gilderoy snatches the paper off of me. "Oops, spoilers." He says. "That's for a book I've been planning on a while now."
"...Gay Boocks Kysth?" I repeat.
"Anagrams are hard." He admits. "Anyway, I'm sure I've made my impact. I look forward to working with you."
"You are better than most of my interviewees so far." I admit. But it was too late. He had already left.
~~~~~
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA""I haven't even done anything yet, Professor Mortifer. Nor will I, since Miss Longbottom has beaten me to the punch in mugging you."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
The green-haired, seeing that there was nothing more that he could do, left.
~~~~~
"Severus." I say, shaking my head. "Severus, Severus, Severus.""Are we going to conduct an interview?" The man asks. "Or are we just here to practice saying my name?"
"I'm not sure we should even have an interview." I reply. "Even if I do hire you, I'll just have to hire someone else to replace you as Potion Master."
"Already sorted." Snape replies. "The Tunnel Snakes have lined up a skilled replacement for me."
"Tunnel Snakes?" I asked, but Severus ignored me.
"And besides." He continues. "I am, without a doubt, the most qualified for the job."
"Be that as it may." I reply. "I'm too lazy to do another interview for potion master, so I can't accept you."
"Ah, laziness." Severus replies. "Truly, Hogwarts is in good hands, when the Headmaster makes decisions based on what is easier."
"I might be convinced to change my mind if you explain the Tunnel Snakes comment." I say.
In response, Snape stands up, and lea-
Oh man, he totally rocks those robes, and I'm not even seeing an enchantment on those, how can a mortal man achieve this level of stylishness and how do I follow in his footsteps.
~~~~~
I look at the door as my last interviewee walks in-...Oh. It's Quirrell. Philosopher's Stone, I guess.
"Aren't you the Muggle Studies teacher?" I ask him.
"Y-Yes." He stutters. "B-But I f-feel as if I c-could use a c-change in v-vocation."
"But effort." I reply. "You're dismissed."
The man pauses for a while, before standing. "S-Sorry for w-wasting y-your t-time..."
You know, he's rather good at hiding how evil he is.
~~~~~
"This has been a rather stressful period for all of us." I say to the gathered crowd. "And not all of us made it through. Mr Lupin's catwalk was a nice little bit of comedy, I have to say, but the stress got to some of us. But I'm sure that Mr Weasley's wife will be here soon to convince him that this singing lumberjack thing was a bad idea."
There is some nodding, and I take the opportunity to take a step away from Mrs Longbottom.
"But, at the end of the day, only one of you can become the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, and to that, I'd like to congratulate Gilderoy Lockhart, for his amazing experience in the field."
There's some applause, mostly from me and Lockhart. Once it dies down, I address the crowd again.
"Anyway, Lockhart, the House Elves will help decorate your new office shortly. Everyone else..."
I sweep my robe and thrust out a hand commandingly.
"BEGONE!"
Everyone leaves, grumbling. As he passes me, Snape whispers something into my ear.
"Meeting in one hour with Nicholas Flamel." He says.
...Oh, right, the Stone. Flamel probably doesn't trust me like he does Dumbledore, so there'll probably be a meeting about it soon.
...I wonder how the Philosopher's Stone tastes?
There is some nodding, and I take the opportunity to take a step away from Mrs Longbottom.
"But, at the end of the day, only one of you can become the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, and to that, I'd like to congratulate Gilderoy Lockhart, for his amazing experience in the field."
There's some applause, mostly from me and Lockhart. Once it dies down, I address the crowd again.
"Anyway, Lockhart, the House Elves will help decorate your new office shortly. Everyone else..."
I sweep my robe and thrust out a hand commandingly.
"BEGONE!"
Everyone leaves, grumbling. As he passes me, Snape whispers something into my ear.
"Meeting in one hour with Nicholas Flamel." He says.
...Oh, right, the Stone. Flamel probably doesn't trust me like he does Dumbledore, so there'll probably be a meeting about it soon.
...I wonder how the Philosopher's Stone tastes?
~~~~~
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chocolote12
A Penguin Flailing Against The Keyboard Of Life.
Ah, uh, are we supposed to vote again now?
Mortifer
Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.
- Location
- Under a rock.
Yeah.
Just assume that you are always to vote after an update, unless I say otherwise at the end of the post.
chocolote12
A Penguin Flailing Against The Keyboard Of Life.
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King Arthur
The Once and Future King
It's amazing that Lockhart was legitimately the best person for the job out of everyone who applied.
Wowzers.
Wowzers.
What are we supposed to vote about?
Do we have any indication at all of what type of characters are going to be involved with the next update, outside of you and Flamel?
Mortifer
Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.
- Location
- Under a rock.
Just any action for whatever character you end up rolling.
Not really, no.
SoothingCoffee
Umumumu
- Location
- The Library
[X] Plan to steal the Philosopher Stone. You'll take it and EAT it, even if it's the last thing you'll do!
Edit: Ignore the second roll. That roll, tho.
Edit: Ignore the second roll. That roll, tho.
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King Arthur
The Once and Future King
Start a concert.
We were told that we can't introduce additional crossovers. Specifically, not even rolling a nat100 for Luna Lovegood to be possessed by the mind of a character from another franchise is enough to add a crossover.
Avoozl
The Dark One
- Location
- Beyond the depths of the far realm
Ah I see... I'll have to change my action then.
Can't believe I got Lupin to do a little turn on the catwalk. This quest is insane and I love it.
[X] Try to perform an exorcism on Peeves. That poltergeist has gone too far this time!
[X] Try to perform an exorcism on Peeves. That poltergeist has gone too far this time!
EvilPorygon
Cookie Monster
- Location
- a phone
[X] Rob Gringotts and get away with it
Well well well.
Well well well.
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EvilPorygon
Cookie Monster
- Location
- a phone
Mrs Longbottom is a terrible, terrible woman.[X] Plan to steal the Philosopher Stone. You'll take it and EAT it, even if it's the last thing you'll do!
Edit: Ignore the second roll. That roll, tho.
Hadiz
The Final Solution. To Others.
- Location
- Somewhere.
.... Hahahahahahahaha.
[X] Light Hogwarts On FIRE. Then light the new headmasters cloak on FIRE. To satisfy your burning urges. No your not Salty in not being selected or not mugging Mort first.
Edit
We failed to light the fire in the night.
[X] Light Hogwarts On FIRE. Then light the new headmasters cloak on FIRE. To satisfy your burning urges. No your not Salty in not being selected or not mugging Mort first.
Edit
We failed to light the fire in the night.
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- Location
- In the ocean of my heart
[X] How dare he chose lockheart over you! With great Dramatic Flair and Style, you spin before moon-walking towards the headmaster and argue how someone like lock heart was chosen for the position. With a metal gauntlet in hand, courteously provided by a nearby suit of armor, you slap lockheart in the face with it and challenge him with a wizarding duel for the position.
-[X] On the way out, sneak into Lockheart room and sabotage and taint all is beauty supplies and potions.
edit: Whelp.... Unless no one else rolls a 9... My vote not happening.
also those who are voting for a action against lockheart, there a chance you rolled his character.
-[X] On the way out, sneak into Lockheart room and sabotage and taint all is beauty supplies and potions.
edit: Whelp.... Unless no one else rolls a 9... My vote not happening.
also those who are voting for a action against lockheart, there a chance you rolled his character.
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- Location
- The Surface Of A Hostile Planet
[x] Seek the Dark Lord in Training. With his perfect mastery of cosmetic charms, nothing can stand before him, so you must join him and serve as his right hand before it is too late!
