Seele Quest: 6.8
Baughn
Healing-type writer
- Location
- Dublin
Seele
It would be so easy to hurt her...
No, you thought, looking at the other Seele's dreamy expression. The way she leaned against the dragon as if, now that she had found them, everything would be all right in the world. The total, utter lack of thought or consideration for the consequences. Had Veliona ever, literally ever let her guard down this far?
It would be impossible to hurt her, she was so addled with love she'd hardly notice anything you said or did. The only analogy you could draw—the analogy you were outright forced to draw, seeing your sister like this--was to yourself, the first time you'd been allowed to touch Liliya after she left the hospital. You'd stayed with her that entire evening. Vel had been unusually quiet. And that had just been a month. You couldn't imagine what it would be like in her case.
"Vel," you repeated. "Let me know when you're ready. I'll give you however long you want."
She nodded, and then turned to look at the dragon. It rumbled softly, almost in response.
You didn't want to interrupt her, so you stayed quiet and watched. And thought.
The dragon's mind was a blur to you. It was impossible to read. You couldn't see what Vel was seeing; couldn't hear it, when it wasn't making an effort. And yet, it wasn't—no, was it supposed to be a dragon?
If you stopped imagining a dragon, stopped accepting its claim to be a dragon, and pretended there were the two young girls from the dream here instead, what would happen? If you… moved, a little, denying this perspective on reality? Denying its claim on reality?
Wouldn't you disturb her?
You backed down, watching her at it. She was smiling, and she seemed happy. That would have to be enough.
You'd never been good with words. But you could make your sister happy.
"Vel," you said. "I'm sorry. I…"
She wasn't listening. Sighing, you looked at the dragon. The… 'dragon'. You were pretty sure—and you wished you weren't, but you knew you couldn't lie to yourself about this—that the dragon was actually Roza and Liliya. Somehow. Not yours, but still them, somehow. The version of them from Veliona's timeline. Whoever had done this to them had a lot to answer for, you decided; whoever they were, they'd taken something precious away from someone who needed it more than anything else in the world.
You reached out again, stroking its side; it didn't seem to mind. It was warm under your hand. Warm like a summer's day. The synaesthesia was striking, and you could almost smell the hillside Roza had lounged on, like cinnamon and honey. You felt the scales beneath your fingertips, cool as ice and sharp as your best friend's blade. You could feel the lake she'd named it for.
"I'm sorry I shouted at you," you said softly. "You didn't do anything wrong."
You hesitated, then added:
"...except maybe you did something really, really stupid? Rozaliya... how did this happen to you? Who did this, and why? Liliya? How could they…"
Your voice trailed off. You couldn't finish the sentence. What could you possibly say, even if you wanted to?
The dragon rumbled its agreement. It was warm and soft, like a cat's fur. Like Vel's skin, like your own. Like Mother's arms when she held you.
You swallowed hard, and continued. "It's not your fault," you said. "Not your fault that you're a dragon. Not your fault that you followed me home. Not your fault that you're eating this universe. But you have to stop. Please."
The dragon made a soft sound, as if it were trying to speak. You shivered, backing down. It probably didn't understand you, and you didn't... didn't know. You didn't know that, that the reason your little sisters were in danger, were your...
What were you going to do?
"Please," you said, softer.
And you leaned forward, and kissed them.
It was the most natural thing in the world. With your eyes closed, you weren't kissing a dragon; you were kissing the forehead of two identical twin girls, with two horns and two tails between them. Two of the girls who mattered most in your world.
These weren't your Roza and Liliya, but you decided that didn't matter. They could be. Vel had told you, once already, that she loved the twins despite herself. If she was able to do that, then couldn't you do the same?
"Seele?" Vel asked, her voice uncertain.
You opened your eyes. She stared at you, with an expression of... confusion. And surprise. Her mouth worked for a moment, as if she couldn't quite believe what had just happened. How much of what you'd done had she caught, you wondered?
You hadn't meant to let on, but... well, you couldn't help it. You smiled a little bit.
She looked back up, and met your gaze. The dragon moved with her, shifting to look over Vel's shoulder.
"Vel..." you started.
"I don't want to lose them, Seele." She held her head, as if trying to keep something from falling out. As if her hair was a helmet, protecting her brain. Less imaginatively, her grip on the stigmata faltered. You had to quickly pick up the reins, lest you sag into the island universe and break something important. "I can't. Not again. I– Seele? Who's 'them'?" Her eyes widened. "Why do I remember going to the movies? And the dinner afterwards? It wasn't real! That wasn't my memory!"
You sighed, and stroked her hair. Or, equivalently: Pulled her a little inside yourself, so she didn't have to face the dragon on her own. You were still holding on to reality, but it was a thin line. Vel was not meant to act this way. "It's okay," you said. "It's all right. They're here now. Everything's fine. All you need to do is get a little more used to it."
You'd seen Rozaliya like this exactly once, when Liliya had been hospitalised and the doctors told you she'd never walk again, just after Roza had told her she couldn't fight, or live, without her. You remembered how the other girl had wept, crying into your chest as if the world itself were ending, and how distant Bronya had gotten. Veliona wasn't quite as badly off, but the wild-eyed look in her eyes was too similar.
You stroked her hair, and tried to imagine Mother's arms around you. The warmth of her embrace, even though you knew that couldn't happen. You passed it all on to your sister, who'd never once felt that warmth and comfort.
"That was all real, but it'll be alright," you said.
Her eyes seemed to clear, and she blinked at you. She leaned forward, putting her forehead against yours. You held her close for a long time, until you heard the dragon's low rumble of approval.
You looked up. The sea of quanta was as featureless as ever, but... between the dragon, the island universe and you, it felt painfully crowded.
"...I'll take care of her," you said. "Don't worry. We'll find an answer."
The dragon rumbled softly. It sounded like agreement.
And wasn't it quite something, that your alternate-past-timeline twin sister's draconic younger sisters... no, friends you guessed... were the best comported of the lot of you.
It was a little bit funny, and a little bit sad, but mostly just strange. You smiled at your sister, and she responded with a smile that you could have sworn was just a little bit shy.
"Thank you," she said.
ooOOoo
It was perhaps half an hour later that Veliona finally spoke again.
She was looking out across the Sea, staring intently. You followed her gaze, and saw the horizon of the quantum sea shimmering. Nothing unusual; the shimmer was how your stigmata indicated a lack of data. It was always pretty, but not particularly interesting. Occasionally she glanced at the dragon. Every time she did, you saw the pain in her eyes.
"I think I get it," she murmured. "They're..."
"Yes?" you prompted.
"They're the same as me. I was broken; you know that better than anyone. But they weren't. Not really. They were just cut down, somehow. And then healed. Just enough." She shook her head. "That's why. How could you fix something you didn't understand?"
She looked up at you. You understood her sentiment, for sure.
"Seele," she said, her voice thick with... sadness? Anger? You couldn't tell.
"I'm sorry, sis."
"I don't want to lose them, Seele."
You kept stroking her hair, as you had for a while now.
"I don't want to lose them, either."
"I can't. Not again. I–" She looked up, her eyes flashing. "You don't get it. I know–" She swallowed. "You know that's Rozaliya and Liliya, right?"
You nodded. You had, in fact, realised.
"I didn't. I didn't even know I'd lost someone, until they came back. I can't imagine living without them, and I still can't remember what it's like living with them!" Her voice was breaking. "Just little flashes, here and there. I'm scared. If I lose sight of them, I'll forget who they are. Who they were. I'll stop loving them again, and, I… I won't be able to stand it. They're all I have left of my family. All I've got."
You said nothing. You couldn't. The girls she was so obsessed with were, in fact, …not there. Not really.
You wished she'd cry. That she'd scream and shout and break things. Anything but this quiet, defeated look on her face. But, of course, she wouldn't. Not Vel. Not now.
Somewhere in the background of your head, you wondered how she'd turned out this way; if she was really your identical twin, what had happened to her that she was so different from you. You also hoped, desperately so, that this wasn't your own future you were looking at. That would be too cruel. For now, however…
Hold on. If it was, that would explain how you'd helped fix her—
You eyed Veliona with trepidation, but fortunately you were interrupted before that thought could be more than half-formed, and it wasn't one that made sense. Something like a wind-chime sounded in your mind. You'd heard it before,once, when you'd asked Rubia to search for the twins.
"Sis? We should-"
You glanced up, and saw the dragon hovering above you, watching you and Vel.
It hadn't understood your words… had it? Either way, the columns of Honkai it had been using to consume the world were gone. Now it floated, a mere few thousand possibilities away.
The dragon rumbled, and made a sound that was almost like a purr.
Vel stared at the creature, and then at you. Her expression was hard to read.
"Seele," she said.
"Yes?"
"…I'm confused."
"Me too." You squeezed her hand.
"What do we do?"
You blinked.
"Well... can you tell what Rubia's saying?"
She frowned, and shook her head. Keeping one eye on the dragon, you joined her in searching through the 'message'—but apart from that chime, which had come through with impossible clarity, it was just nonsense. Noise.
"I think we should go back," you said. "Um…"
Okay. Okay. The 'dragon' wasn't as unintelligent as you'd expected. That was a good thing, right? You looked up at it again, willing yourself to see the faces of your two favourite people in its—this was the Sea of Quanta, so multidimensional and inscrutable—face. Nothing.
"I don't know how we'll do it, but we'll find an answer," you said. "I won't give up."
Vel nodded.
You glanced back at the bubble.
And, at that moment, the Sea of Quanta went dark. The dragon vanished, and the island universe disappeared with it.
ooOOoo
You sat up.
You were in your bed, in your room, in your house, in your town. It was a small room, but neatly made; you had too much time to spare, so it was always tidy, if not as immaculately clean as your little sisters'.
That's what you called them, though they weren't biologically your sisters. You'd looked after each other ever since Uruk was destroyed, so they were your family, even if you didn't share any blood relation. They were also, at least in part, why you'd left home. Your parents weren't willing to help you take care of them, and you'd needed to get out of there. One thing had led to the other. Circumstances had conspired to place the four of you together.
Your mom and dad weren't around. Theirs were dead.
Your eyes automatically scanned the other side of your bed.
You were alone in the room.
You sighed, and got up. The place felt empty without Bronya, but you had no idea where she'd gone. Still. Three weeks after she'd disappeared.
You headed downstairs, and into the kitchen.
"Morning," you said.
"Hm?"
Rozaliya and Liliya were sitting at the table, playing some sort of game. They both turned to look at you. The stack of dirty cookware did not, though you thought it very well might. Which was odd, as you were all but certain those had been clean a few hours ago.
"You're late," said Rozaliya.
You rolled your eyes.
"It's Saturday," you reminded her.
"Not for that." Liliya pointed at the calendar. "Did you forget?"
"What's today?" you asked.
They exchanged a glance.
"Saturday," said Rozaliya.
"Your birthday," added Liliya. "You're fourteen."
"Oh," you muttered.
"We made a cake," said Lils. "You can't eat it, because it caught on fire, but it was fun to make. So we made another cake. And then we made a third one."
"And then a fourth," said Rozaliya.
"Then a fifth," added Lils.
"It took us all morning, but we wanted to do it. Here-" Rozaliya got up from the table. She leaned against the counter, where you now saw there was a plate of small cakes, six in total. One was burnt to a crisp; of the others, all of them looked different. "Do you want a coffee? Tea?"
"You didn't have to do that," you protested. The room swam a little, and you blinked. "I mean, I appreciate it, but..."
"But we wanted to," said Lils. "Because you're our big sister, Seele. …smile a little? Please?"
"I'm sorry," you said, forcing a smile. "I'll be right back."
"Okay!"
You stepped outside, closing the door behind you. As soon as you were out of sight of the twins you began to cry, as quietly as possible.
Three weeks. Three weeks, and you'd planned a big date with Bronya on your birthday.
"I miss you," you said, between sobs.
You wiped your face with the sleeve of your shirt, and looked up. The hallway was empty. The outside of the kitchen was a hole into nothingness, where the dreamscape gave up on existing. You knew, if you left through it, you'd wake up—vaguely, in the back of your mind. But you weren't going anywhere.
You were never going anywhere.
"I'm sorry," you whispered.
The girls were waiting for you when you returned to the kitchen.
"Sorry," you said, still sniffling. "I'm okay. Thank you, though. Can I-"
They embraced you, and held you tight. You cried into their hair. Your own hair, reddish black, fell around their shoulders.
"We know," they murmured. "We've been watching you. We knew you'd need some time."
"You're the best," you whispered.
"Seele," said Liliya.
"Yeah," you replied.
"We're going to find you again."
"I know."
"No matter how long it takes. We won't let Fire Moth take you."
You nodded, embracing their memory.
ooOOoo
"Vel?"
Your sister didn't respond. The dream had been overwhelming; almost enough to pull you away from reality, but not so much so that you failed to notice when Vel completely lost her grip on the stigmata. It hadn't quite fit you. Almost. Not quite.
The dragon surrounded you entirely, dampening the waves of the Sea and keeping your loss of control from being more than a nuisance.
Your sister wasn't responding. You prodded Veliona—the other Seele, you had to remember that, you'd called her literally that for years—but to no effect. Then error messages started popping up. It was happening in slow motion, but despite the dragon's best efforts, your stigmata wasn't... you weren't... alive. Not really. It was a pyramid balanced on its tip, and it couldn't function without input.
When Vel didn't wake up within a couple of seconds, you started worrying. When a minute passed, and the warnings increased in urgency, you panicked. Primary containment failure—the sea was flooding inside you; usually barely a nuisance. That still left secondary and tertiary containment, but you were running out of time.
"Vel?"
She didn't answer. Panic got pushed to the side. Phase-lock correction—you scanned the list of warnings, switched one especially critical subsystem from manual to automatic, then thought better of it and cancelled the lock Vel had put between you and its actuators. Overlapping the influence of every adjacent universe, so it'd add up to zero, was a careful balancing act that you couldn't realistically leave to software. Your head ached, the workload a little higher than anything you'd tried before.
Primary phase-locking, now.
The Sea sang like a hundred violins, and the world crystallised into a stable pattern. Flooding dropped to a survivable level. You blinked, struggling to keep the new sensations from overwhelming you. Correction; your eyes appeared to have gone missing. The dragon, seeming startled, curled even more tightly around you.
Then Vel smashed into the same control points you were using, her frantic, desperate attempts at restoring control a little too quick to realise that you'd already done it.
Your minds practically short-circuited each other.
ooOOoo
"I think my brainstem hurts," your sister complained. "And I can't find the hologram controls. I think you broke them."
You groaned, sitting up to examine the damage. The checkerboard floor of the inside of your soul was cracked and splintered, but it seemed to be largely superficial. You could feel the pieces, scattered across the surface, at the edges of your consciousness; it was still a painful view. You hadn't seen it like this in years.
Vel looked strange. After a moment of not putting your finger on it, you realised it was her clothes. She wore a jersey and jeans, not the far more elaborate outfits you were used to.
"What happened?" you asked.
She shook her head. "I don't know. The dragon obviously did something."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," said Vel. She turned away, hugging herself and looking at the diary table. "This is going to be a mess. It'll take me days to fix everything, and we don't have that sort of time. Roza and Liliya, on their own..." She grew quiet.
You made your way to her side, taking her hand.
"We'll find a way," you said. "I promise."
"I think we'd better start by asking Einstein," she muttered, staring down at the journal. "Or Rubia."
You reached for the book, but hesitated.
"Is that okay?" you asked.
"Yeah," she said. "I'm not going to break, Seele. You don't need to treat me like I'm fragile. If anything, I feel better than I have in years. Sure, just about everything turned out to be awful, but–" She shrugged. "What else is new? At least I'm me again. I'll tell you all about it later, after we rescue the derps."
"Okay," you breathed. You embraced your sister from behind. You could feel her smile. "Okay."
"Let's get some work done."
= = =
Vel may not be fragile [citation-needed], but they're the equivalent of scratched up and bruised. The downside of leaving her to her own devices is she zoned out so thoroughly it actually hurt them, albeit with assistance. Seele, fortunately, isn't as reliant on Veliona as she thinks.
[ ] Return immediately
- Vel: This is obviously faster, but we won't have a lot of low-impact options if there's trouble. I feel stiff, and I don't trust myself not to overdo things.
- Seele: We'll have some. We promised not to disappear. I'm worried.
[ ] Finish field repairs before returning
- Vel: This would give us our usual combat options, but it'll take half an hour. If that's too late…
- Vel: I don't really like either option.
[ ] Write-in
It would be so easy to hurt her...
No, you thought, looking at the other Seele's dreamy expression. The way she leaned against the dragon as if, now that she had found them, everything would be all right in the world. The total, utter lack of thought or consideration for the consequences. Had Veliona ever, literally ever let her guard down this far?
It would be impossible to hurt her, she was so addled with love she'd hardly notice anything you said or did. The only analogy you could draw—the analogy you were outright forced to draw, seeing your sister like this--was to yourself, the first time you'd been allowed to touch Liliya after she left the hospital. You'd stayed with her that entire evening. Vel had been unusually quiet. And that had just been a month. You couldn't imagine what it would be like in her case.
"Vel," you repeated. "Let me know when you're ready. I'll give you however long you want."
She nodded, and then turned to look at the dragon. It rumbled softly, almost in response.
You didn't want to interrupt her, so you stayed quiet and watched. And thought.
The dragon's mind was a blur to you. It was impossible to read. You couldn't see what Vel was seeing; couldn't hear it, when it wasn't making an effort. And yet, it wasn't—no, was it supposed to be a dragon?
If you stopped imagining a dragon, stopped accepting its claim to be a dragon, and pretended there were the two young girls from the dream here instead, what would happen? If you… moved, a little, denying this perspective on reality? Denying its claim on reality?
Wouldn't you disturb her?
You backed down, watching her at it. She was smiling, and she seemed happy. That would have to be enough.
You'd never been good with words. But you could make your sister happy.
"Vel," you said. "I'm sorry. I…"
She wasn't listening. Sighing, you looked at the dragon. The… 'dragon'. You were pretty sure—and you wished you weren't, but you knew you couldn't lie to yourself about this—that the dragon was actually Roza and Liliya. Somehow. Not yours, but still them, somehow. The version of them from Veliona's timeline. Whoever had done this to them had a lot to answer for, you decided; whoever they were, they'd taken something precious away from someone who needed it more than anything else in the world.
You reached out again, stroking its side; it didn't seem to mind. It was warm under your hand. Warm like a summer's day. The synaesthesia was striking, and you could almost smell the hillside Roza had lounged on, like cinnamon and honey. You felt the scales beneath your fingertips, cool as ice and sharp as your best friend's blade. You could feel the lake she'd named it for.
"I'm sorry I shouted at you," you said softly. "You didn't do anything wrong."
You hesitated, then added:
"...except maybe you did something really, really stupid? Rozaliya... how did this happen to you? Who did this, and why? Liliya? How could they…"
Your voice trailed off. You couldn't finish the sentence. What could you possibly say, even if you wanted to?
The dragon rumbled its agreement. It was warm and soft, like a cat's fur. Like Vel's skin, like your own. Like Mother's arms when she held you.
You swallowed hard, and continued. "It's not your fault," you said. "Not your fault that you're a dragon. Not your fault that you followed me home. Not your fault that you're eating this universe. But you have to stop. Please."
The dragon made a soft sound, as if it were trying to speak. You shivered, backing down. It probably didn't understand you, and you didn't... didn't know. You didn't know that, that the reason your little sisters were in danger, were your...
What were you going to do?
"Please," you said, softer.
And you leaned forward, and kissed them.
It was the most natural thing in the world. With your eyes closed, you weren't kissing a dragon; you were kissing the forehead of two identical twin girls, with two horns and two tails between them. Two of the girls who mattered most in your world.
These weren't your Roza and Liliya, but you decided that didn't matter. They could be. Vel had told you, once already, that she loved the twins despite herself. If she was able to do that, then couldn't you do the same?
"Seele?" Vel asked, her voice uncertain.
You opened your eyes. She stared at you, with an expression of... confusion. And surprise. Her mouth worked for a moment, as if she couldn't quite believe what had just happened. How much of what you'd done had she caught, you wondered?
You hadn't meant to let on, but... well, you couldn't help it. You smiled a little bit.
She looked back up, and met your gaze. The dragon moved with her, shifting to look over Vel's shoulder.
"Vel..." you started.
"I don't want to lose them, Seele." She held her head, as if trying to keep something from falling out. As if her hair was a helmet, protecting her brain. Less imaginatively, her grip on the stigmata faltered. You had to quickly pick up the reins, lest you sag into the island universe and break something important. "I can't. Not again. I– Seele? Who's 'them'?" Her eyes widened. "Why do I remember going to the movies? And the dinner afterwards? It wasn't real! That wasn't my memory!"
You sighed, and stroked her hair. Or, equivalently: Pulled her a little inside yourself, so she didn't have to face the dragon on her own. You were still holding on to reality, but it was a thin line. Vel was not meant to act this way. "It's okay," you said. "It's all right. They're here now. Everything's fine. All you need to do is get a little more used to it."
You'd seen Rozaliya like this exactly once, when Liliya had been hospitalised and the doctors told you she'd never walk again, just after Roza had told her she couldn't fight, or live, without her. You remembered how the other girl had wept, crying into your chest as if the world itself were ending, and how distant Bronya had gotten. Veliona wasn't quite as badly off, but the wild-eyed look in her eyes was too similar.
You stroked her hair, and tried to imagine Mother's arms around you. The warmth of her embrace, even though you knew that couldn't happen. You passed it all on to your sister, who'd never once felt that warmth and comfort.
"That was all real, but it'll be alright," you said.
Her eyes seemed to clear, and she blinked at you. She leaned forward, putting her forehead against yours. You held her close for a long time, until you heard the dragon's low rumble of approval.
You looked up. The sea of quanta was as featureless as ever, but... between the dragon, the island universe and you, it felt painfully crowded.
"...I'll take care of her," you said. "Don't worry. We'll find an answer."
The dragon rumbled softly. It sounded like agreement.
And wasn't it quite something, that your alternate-past-timeline twin sister's draconic younger sisters... no, friends you guessed... were the best comported of the lot of you.
It was a little bit funny, and a little bit sad, but mostly just strange. You smiled at your sister, and she responded with a smile that you could have sworn was just a little bit shy.
"Thank you," she said.
ooOOoo
It was perhaps half an hour later that Veliona finally spoke again.
She was looking out across the Sea, staring intently. You followed her gaze, and saw the horizon of the quantum sea shimmering. Nothing unusual; the shimmer was how your stigmata indicated a lack of data. It was always pretty, but not particularly interesting. Occasionally she glanced at the dragon. Every time she did, you saw the pain in her eyes.
"I think I get it," she murmured. "They're..."
"Yes?" you prompted.
"They're the same as me. I was broken; you know that better than anyone. But they weren't. Not really. They were just cut down, somehow. And then healed. Just enough." She shook her head. "That's why. How could you fix something you didn't understand?"
She looked up at you. You understood her sentiment, for sure.
"Seele," she said, her voice thick with... sadness? Anger? You couldn't tell.
"I'm sorry, sis."
"I don't want to lose them, Seele."
You kept stroking her hair, as you had for a while now.
"I don't want to lose them, either."
"I can't. Not again. I–" She looked up, her eyes flashing. "You don't get it. I know–" She swallowed. "You know that's Rozaliya and Liliya, right?"
You nodded. You had, in fact, realised.
"I didn't. I didn't even know I'd lost someone, until they came back. I can't imagine living without them, and I still can't remember what it's like living with them!" Her voice was breaking. "Just little flashes, here and there. I'm scared. If I lose sight of them, I'll forget who they are. Who they were. I'll stop loving them again, and, I… I won't be able to stand it. They're all I have left of my family. All I've got."
You said nothing. You couldn't. The girls she was so obsessed with were, in fact, …not there. Not really.
You wished she'd cry. That she'd scream and shout and break things. Anything but this quiet, defeated look on her face. But, of course, she wouldn't. Not Vel. Not now.
Somewhere in the background of your head, you wondered how she'd turned out this way; if she was really your identical twin, what had happened to her that she was so different from you. You also hoped, desperately so, that this wasn't your own future you were looking at. That would be too cruel. For now, however…
Hold on. If it was, that would explain how you'd helped fix her—
You eyed Veliona with trepidation, but fortunately you were interrupted before that thought could be more than half-formed, and it wasn't one that made sense. Something like a wind-chime sounded in your mind. You'd heard it before,once, when you'd asked Rubia to search for the twins.
"Sis? We should-"
You glanced up, and saw the dragon hovering above you, watching you and Vel.
It hadn't understood your words… had it? Either way, the columns of Honkai it had been using to consume the world were gone. Now it floated, a mere few thousand possibilities away.
The dragon rumbled, and made a sound that was almost like a purr.
Vel stared at the creature, and then at you. Her expression was hard to read.
"Seele," she said.
"Yes?"
"…I'm confused."
"Me too." You squeezed her hand.
"What do we do?"
You blinked.
"Well... can you tell what Rubia's saying?"
She frowned, and shook her head. Keeping one eye on the dragon, you joined her in searching through the 'message'—but apart from that chime, which had come through with impossible clarity, it was just nonsense. Noise.
"I think we should go back," you said. "Um…"
Okay. Okay. The 'dragon' wasn't as unintelligent as you'd expected. That was a good thing, right? You looked up at it again, willing yourself to see the faces of your two favourite people in its—this was the Sea of Quanta, so multidimensional and inscrutable—face. Nothing.
"I don't know how we'll do it, but we'll find an answer," you said. "I won't give up."
Vel nodded.
You glanced back at the bubble.
And, at that moment, the Sea of Quanta went dark. The dragon vanished, and the island universe disappeared with it.
ooOOoo
You sat up.
You were in your bed, in your room, in your house, in your town. It was a small room, but neatly made; you had too much time to spare, so it was always tidy, if not as immaculately clean as your little sisters'.
That's what you called them, though they weren't biologically your sisters. You'd looked after each other ever since Uruk was destroyed, so they were your family, even if you didn't share any blood relation. They were also, at least in part, why you'd left home. Your parents weren't willing to help you take care of them, and you'd needed to get out of there. One thing had led to the other. Circumstances had conspired to place the four of you together.
Your mom and dad weren't around. Theirs were dead.
Your eyes automatically scanned the other side of your bed.
You were alone in the room.
You sighed, and got up. The place felt empty without Bronya, but you had no idea where she'd gone. Still. Three weeks after she'd disappeared.
You headed downstairs, and into the kitchen.
"Morning," you said.
"Hm?"
Rozaliya and Liliya were sitting at the table, playing some sort of game. They both turned to look at you. The stack of dirty cookware did not, though you thought it very well might. Which was odd, as you were all but certain those had been clean a few hours ago.
"You're late," said Rozaliya.
You rolled your eyes.
"It's Saturday," you reminded her.
"Not for that." Liliya pointed at the calendar. "Did you forget?"
"What's today?" you asked.
They exchanged a glance.
"Saturday," said Rozaliya.
"Your birthday," added Liliya. "You're fourteen."
"Oh," you muttered.
"We made a cake," said Lils. "You can't eat it, because it caught on fire, but it was fun to make. So we made another cake. And then we made a third one."
"And then a fourth," said Rozaliya.
"Then a fifth," added Lils.
"It took us all morning, but we wanted to do it. Here-" Rozaliya got up from the table. She leaned against the counter, where you now saw there was a plate of small cakes, six in total. One was burnt to a crisp; of the others, all of them looked different. "Do you want a coffee? Tea?"
"You didn't have to do that," you protested. The room swam a little, and you blinked. "I mean, I appreciate it, but..."
"But we wanted to," said Lils. "Because you're our big sister, Seele. …smile a little? Please?"
"I'm sorry," you said, forcing a smile. "I'll be right back."
"Okay!"
You stepped outside, closing the door behind you. As soon as you were out of sight of the twins you began to cry, as quietly as possible.
Three weeks. Three weeks, and you'd planned a big date with Bronya on your birthday.
"I miss you," you said, between sobs.
You wiped your face with the sleeve of your shirt, and looked up. The hallway was empty. The outside of the kitchen was a hole into nothingness, where the dreamscape gave up on existing. You knew, if you left through it, you'd wake up—vaguely, in the back of your mind. But you weren't going anywhere.
You were never going anywhere.
"I'm sorry," you whispered.
The girls were waiting for you when you returned to the kitchen.
"Sorry," you said, still sniffling. "I'm okay. Thank you, though. Can I-"
They embraced you, and held you tight. You cried into their hair. Your own hair, reddish black, fell around their shoulders.
"We know," they murmured. "We've been watching you. We knew you'd need some time."
"You're the best," you whispered.
"Seele," said Liliya.
"Yeah," you replied.
"We're going to find you again."
"I know."
"No matter how long it takes. We won't let Fire Moth take you."
You nodded, embracing their memory.
ooOOoo
"Vel?"
Your sister didn't respond. The dream had been overwhelming; almost enough to pull you away from reality, but not so much so that you failed to notice when Vel completely lost her grip on the stigmata. It hadn't quite fit you. Almost. Not quite.
The dragon surrounded you entirely, dampening the waves of the Sea and keeping your loss of control from being more than a nuisance.
Your sister wasn't responding. You prodded Veliona—the other Seele, you had to remember that, you'd called her literally that for years—but to no effect. Then error messages started popping up. It was happening in slow motion, but despite the dragon's best efforts, your stigmata wasn't... you weren't... alive. Not really. It was a pyramid balanced on its tip, and it couldn't function without input.
When Vel didn't wake up within a couple of seconds, you started worrying. When a minute passed, and the warnings increased in urgency, you panicked. Primary containment failure—the sea was flooding inside you; usually barely a nuisance. That still left secondary and tertiary containment, but you were running out of time.
"Vel?"
She didn't answer. Panic got pushed to the side. Phase-lock correction—you scanned the list of warnings, switched one especially critical subsystem from manual to automatic, then thought better of it and cancelled the lock Vel had put between you and its actuators. Overlapping the influence of every adjacent universe, so it'd add up to zero, was a careful balancing act that you couldn't realistically leave to software. Your head ached, the workload a little higher than anything you'd tried before.
Primary phase-locking, now.
The Sea sang like a hundred violins, and the world crystallised into a stable pattern. Flooding dropped to a survivable level. You blinked, struggling to keep the new sensations from overwhelming you. Correction; your eyes appeared to have gone missing. The dragon, seeming startled, curled even more tightly around you.
Then Vel smashed into the same control points you were using, her frantic, desperate attempts at restoring control a little too quick to realise that you'd already done it.
Your minds practically short-circuited each other.
ooOOoo
"I think my brainstem hurts," your sister complained. "And I can't find the hologram controls. I think you broke them."
You groaned, sitting up to examine the damage. The checkerboard floor of the inside of your soul was cracked and splintered, but it seemed to be largely superficial. You could feel the pieces, scattered across the surface, at the edges of your consciousness; it was still a painful view. You hadn't seen it like this in years.
Vel looked strange. After a moment of not putting your finger on it, you realised it was her clothes. She wore a jersey and jeans, not the far more elaborate outfits you were used to.
"What happened?" you asked.
She shook her head. "I don't know. The dragon obviously did something."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," said Vel. She turned away, hugging herself and looking at the diary table. "This is going to be a mess. It'll take me days to fix everything, and we don't have that sort of time. Roza and Liliya, on their own..." She grew quiet.
You made your way to her side, taking her hand.
"We'll find a way," you said. "I promise."
"I think we'd better start by asking Einstein," she muttered, staring down at the journal. "Or Rubia."
You reached for the book, but hesitated.
"Is that okay?" you asked.
"Yeah," she said. "I'm not going to break, Seele. You don't need to treat me like I'm fragile. If anything, I feel better than I have in years. Sure, just about everything turned out to be awful, but–" She shrugged. "What else is new? At least I'm me again. I'll tell you all about it later, after we rescue the derps."
"Okay," you breathed. You embraced your sister from behind. You could feel her smile. "Okay."
"Let's get some work done."
= = =
Vel may not be fragile [citation-needed], but they're the equivalent of scratched up and bruised. The downside of leaving her to her own devices is she zoned out so thoroughly it actually hurt them, albeit with assistance. Seele, fortunately, isn't as reliant on Veliona as she thinks.
[ ] Return immediately
- Vel: This is obviously faster, but we won't have a lot of low-impact options if there's trouble. I feel stiff, and I don't trust myself not to overdo things.
- Seele: We'll have some. We promised not to disappear. I'm worried.
[ ] Finish field repairs before returning
- Vel: This would give us our usual combat options, but it'll take half an hour. If that's too late…
- Vel: I don't really like either option.
[ ] Write-in
