What If: Naruto Started a Second Business
Another week where Patreon is above 70, another What If.
This was inspired by talks over on SB, enjoy.

The fox has been a forbidden animal in Konoha for as long as most modern genin can remember. Twelve years and ten months ago, a disaster of untold proportions slammed into the village and left rot every which way one looked. Those who hadn't been able to run or hide and had been unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity perished immediately. Those who had been unlucky enough to be too close but still skilled enough and capable enough to get away had died hours to days later from the putrid miasma that had leaked through the streets and eviscerated immune systems in a way a biological weapon could only dream of.

Unequipped to handle such destruction, hospitals were crowded, and people died from completely preventable causes due to the overwhelmed staff being unable to help, which only aided the numbers as they grew through the roof.

It's pretty safe to say that if there was one animal anyone would think of to cause more stress than any other, it would be the fox.

This is why no one is sure how to feel about the development occurring before them, but morbid curiosity makes them want to try it regardless of the icky feelings welling up inside.

"Get your emotional support Vulpix for the evening, it comes cozy and soft and full of love!" It seems Naruto's started another business, the boy standing in the middle of the market district has dozens of cute fluff balls surrounding him and appears to be handing them out. Under whose license this second business is being run, the Hokage will have to check when he gets back to the tower, but for now.

"Yes, I would like to try one." The man in the hat, grandfather to the young businessman and lord of the village, would like to pet the six-tailed fox about the same size as a small dog.

"Your first day's free, Jiji, that's just how confident I am that everyone will return for a second time." The blond boy hands over a wriggling fox to the Hokage without a doubt in his mind, winking at him with glee. "He'll disappear in the morning, be sure to give him lots of pets or he might get antsy."

"Naruto, what is this?" The old man can't help but question aloud, holding the creature in his palms. It is very soft, he also can't help but notice how well it reacts to his touches.

"I thought the village needed more softness in its life, that's all," Naruto says with a wicked grin, "so I started a business, Emotional Support Vulpix, feel free to tell it everything that bothers you and give it lots of hugs."

"You started a business, to get more hugs." The Hokage surmises, after a moment to think about it. They're obviously shadow clones, something only Naruto could do. He'll have to ensure the Jonin know not to tell them any secrets. He imagines that by the time someone is Jonin, and therefore privy to secrets the boy shouldn't just know, they'd know better than to talk to a shadow clone cutie about it, but being swayed by an adorable face is something everyone has done before at least once. It wouldn't be the dumbest reason he's had to discipline a ninja for spilling secrets, even if Naruto could probably be trusted.

"You got a better idea?" Naruto asks, "I was feeling cold."

"Right, well, I'm sure this will help." It's probably harmless, and, well, it's kind of cute. Besides, Naruto getting the memories will also help them snuff out animal abusers rather quickly, this could be useful.

Most Jonin have a summon, which means most Jonin have enough of a bond with their animals to have words for those that would hurt their pets. If nothing else, he can sell off the rights to discipline those Naruto uncovers for a tidy profit.
 
Chapter 32: Arc 3.5 - Melody of Hearts: What do you Mean it's a Dating Sim?
This starts the mini arc "Melody of Hearts"
This mini-arc is like 4 chapters I think.

Patreon hit 48 today, lots of emotional thoughts and they just found a dungeon. So, 48 is the next dungeon. If that seems like a long time for you, good, I didn't want them very close together, dungeons kinda suck to write. Some people really like them though, I got incredibly mixed messages about the last dungeon. I don't consider it a spoiler because, well, 1, you knew there was going to be more than one dungeon, 2, that's far enough away you have no context, 3, it's in the name of the chapter on Patreon and the names are publically visible so you could just see that scrolling through.

Waking up this morning, Sakura had a plan of action she was ready to enact from word go. She was going to get back into research after her short breaks for other important matters like finding out about Naruto's Kyuubi Diddled mom and cleaning Sasuke's house - she hoped Naruto got him good by now, she'd have to ask about that - and she'd run out of excuses not to hit the books. It sucked though, everything she's had to do for a while now has revolved around Wave and she didn't even ask for this.

Technically any knowledge she gains can be applied elsewhere, she's not dumb enough to think this is a one-off, she'll surely take ownership of some other place or whatever god is playing with her wouldn't have gone through the effort of making an entire system for it. It's the first complex modification of her ability she's seen, and she's sure that has severe implications.

But holy shit does it suck!
It's like her life revolves around them and she's not even there anymore! You do one good deed and suddenly an entire country is your responsibility. No good deed gone unpunished, though maybe that's being dramatic.

She looked longingly at her PC, and her consoles, and another thought hit her. Would they have had the money to adopt if she wasn't always asking for the next-generation console right away, and all those cool games on release? What if she was one of those discount buyers that waited a year before asking? Probably not, but her parents had cut her off the moment she became a ninja and could buy them herself, so they were clearly a large strain on the finances. That hurt to think about, so she shook her head to clear her thoughts and took a breath before slipping out of her warm and cozy sheets.

They still smelled a little like the Naruto clone - Naruko - who had slept in them for a month. She decided that wasn't a bad thing, the smell of her teammate and brother was comforting, and he wasn't an unclean person so it probably didn't make her smell worse for sleeping in it. She should still clean her sheets soon… Eventually it stops being comforting and cute and starts being really creepy, and the line isn't well drawn it's just there and you don't know you crossed it until you did. It's better to be safe with things like that.

All her plans were dashed the moment her feet hit the floor, which brings us to now.

The Melody of Hearts Event is has started. A festival will be held tonight, and you need to decide which date to bring! Procuring a date will result in a bonus of +1000 affection for whoever you decide on, as well as a unique bonus depending on the date. Failing to procure a date will reduce your Charm by 5

"Re-reduce my charm?" She squeaks. She'd just gotten it to, what, sixteen? She idly checks that. She'd be back so far, weeks of work vanished in seconds by an event she's surprised by? "What the fuuuuuuuuu-"

To say her morning plans are ruined is a bit like saying her beavers are dead again.
They are, and you're just being cruel for pointing it out. She's not thinking about it, but she'll be trying Rimworld soon. It won't actually help her like she thinks it will, very different style of play, but she will find she enjoys it and that'll make Kakashi annoyed when she forgets to sleep. That's a later concern though, right now…

Sakura is looking through the list, hoping the rewards will make this a logic decision and therefore take it away. Like how in Remnant two a player's first action upon finding the Ravager and the doe is to look it up, because like, duh. That's also how she found out that the Ravager never stops talking, and tabbing out doesn't mute him. He just repeats himself forever.

Mostly, looking through the list logically is to distract from the fact that if she didn't make it about logic she'd be spending her entire morning under her bed, looking out and pinching anyone that comes to check on her while pretending to be her own emotional support monster from beneath. It doesn't make a lot of sense but it makes her feel better.

First, the list itself.
Naruto
Lee
Sasuke
Ino
The Third Hokage
Kakashi
Tenten
Hinata
Ami
Haku
That's not a big list, so it didn't choose at random, which makes her really question why some of those options are on there.

Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi, and Ino all make perfect sense if it's doing it by the amount of time she's spent around someone in her life while automatically excluding her parents. That doesn't hold up though, she's never met this Lee, she's only spent about five minutes talking to Tenten - in fact she needs to get her damn sword - she fuckin hates Ami, she's had a few passing conversations with Hinata, and she's spent almost no time with the third.

It can't be talking about actual love interests because, well, Kakashi, The third, Tenten, Ino, Hinata, Ami- maybe Lee's a secret admirer but that's highly unlikely as well. Kakashi and her have shared a few moments of banter but she has serious doubts he has any interest in her, the very thought makes her shiver a little in disgust. He's probably shivering too from the implication alone, and he doesn't even know why, poor guy.

She decides it doesn't matter, there's some logical puzzle here she's not going to solve, and that's okay. She'll just assume it's mostly random with some weighting, or her ability is trying to mess with her, both are valid. The five charm loss and randomly springing this on her somewhat aids the theory that it's messing with her.

She gets a piece of paper, writes their names down, and before even looking at the rewards she removes a few options.

Kakashi, the Third, Ami. She hovers over Tenten, she was kind of rude to her, but that was one interaction, that's not fair.

Okay, new list.

Naruto
Lee
Sasuke
Ino
Tenten
Hinata
Haku

That's seven options, that's already a lot easier. She's not bringing Naruto because he'd get the wrong idea, same with Sasuke, which leaves her with five. Also, she's not sure how much 1000 affection is but she's not about to put that on two people that already want to start a clan with her. The mind-breaky nonsense of that has some unsavory implications she doesn't want to see the outcome of.


And now, she can look at the damn rewards.

Lee+1 STR, +1 CON, +1 AGI
Ino+3 CHA
Tenten+3 DEX
Hinata+1 DEX, +3 AGI, -1 CHA
Haku+2 DEX, +1 CHA

"Nope." So Hinata's stripped immediately, she can grind four stat points a lot easier than she can grind a charm. She'd rather die. Just no.

She doesn't even know Lee, and those stats don't look particularly enticing. That's kinda how she feels about Tenten. That leaves her with just Ino and Haku, and if she's honest, hitting Haku with a sudden surge of liking her sounds like a bad idea, the guy already acts as a house husband for her. Not intentionally, he's just taken those duties for seemingly no reason, the least she needs is for him to start pursuing the other part of that.

"Ino then…" She taps her pencil on the paper, circling her childhood friend's name, underlining it, twice, going over her name a little with her pencil to make the name a little fancier and bolder- she is procrastinating. She checks, and the event has another ten hours before it's active.

She's wasted a good portion of her morning on this already, most of it stunned in place and not moving because the embarrassment got to her so badly she blinked out of reality. She imagines she had steam coming out of her ears for a bit of that, she's glad no one came into her room.

"Okay, Ino…" She rewrites the girl's name a few dozen more times, idly chewing on the eraser of her pencil. "Damn-it." She groans to herself, realizing she's doing it again.

"I don't wunna…" But that five charm loss, it's too much.
Ino'll understand, she won't even have to explain it, that's a huge plus. It's the whole asking someone out on a date problem but without the embarrassment because she'll just get it!

What'll that thousand affection score do to someone who already loves her as a friend though? Is this an ethics issue? Is her ability forcing an ethics issue onto her first thing in the morning - well it's like noon so maybe not but it's morning for her! They didn't have training today, or D ranks, so she had so many plans. Now it's all ruined by ethics and threats of point losses and roasty cheeks. "Ino won't be harmed." She decides. It'll probably just undo some of the loss from their recent absence in each other's lives, that'd just set them back where they were. There's nothing wrong with that, she decides, getting up to start selecting a date outfit.

"Crap." She looks into her closet, and notices a huge problem. All of her dresses - besides Tsunami's and she's not getting back into that - are for when she was like eight. It's all efficient combat outfits and loungewear.

"To the clothing shop." She grumbles, knowing this is going to cost money. She could possibly ask Ino for a dress but that'd ruin the entire point of the dress! Another option is going in lounge because it's just Ino, but a date has rules right? She doesn't want to lose five charm because her ability hit her on a technicality for wearing loungewear.

If she's honest, she'd rather wear full plate mail to hide her face!
 
Last edited:
While I generally have little-to-negative interest in romance, if this chapter is anything to go on there isn't likely to be any actual romance. Just a lot of Sakura running around like a headless chicken.

Failing to procure a date will reduce your Charm by 5
I see the game designer is in favour of death-spirals. Failing to do something makes doing that thing even harder.

She's not bringing Naruto because he'd get the wrong idea, same with Sasuke,
So she has already decided to not tell anyone about the Event and the stat penalty. They went through a Dungeon with her, they aren't going to question this new absurdity.

Is this an ethics issue?
Yes. Mind-control is always an ethical issue.
On the other hand so is owning a country and enacting violence. Ethical issues are surprisingly common if you have any power to influence the world around you.

Yes obviously. Either that or it'll be a comedy element where Ino is constantly setting up romantic things and Sakura just thanks her for being such a great friend. "Wow Ino's so great. She gave me all these chocolates I can share with my team." That kind of thing.
She has a skill specifically to tell her how people are feeling. Short of active denial she will know if Ino is showing romantic interest.
 
While I generally have little-to-negative interest in romance, if this chapter is anything to go on there isn't likely to be any actual romance. Just a lot of Sakura running around like a headless chicken.

I see the game designer is in favour of death-spirals. Failing to do something makes doing that thing even harder.

So she has already decided to not tell anyone about the Event and the stat penalty. They went through a Dungeon with her, they aren't going to question this new absurdity.

Yes. Mind-control is always an ethical issue.
On the other hand so is owning a country and enacting violence. Ethical issues are surprisingly common if you have any power to influence the world around you.

She has a skill specifically to tell her how people are feeling. Short of active denial she will know if Ino is showing romantic interest.
This was actually my favorite arc I've written in the entire story.
So I'm here squeeing a bit unable to actually give real insight or comments.
All I'll say to you, is don't get mad at any cliffhangers.
 
I am curious about the bonuses not shown. Kikashi is likely another negative charm option. The Hokage I could see as a +1 to all stats, if she can somehow get him to say yes. Naruto is no stat bonuses, but a +1 Free Shadow clone with any Shadow clone.
 
If her system is going to institute these kind of punishments if she doesn't get a date, I'm just imagining it pushing her all the way to marriage via threat.

"Get married with Ino or suffer a -50 Charm penalty."
"This wasn't part of the quest!"
"I have altered the objectives, pray I do not alter it any further."
"This quest-line is getting worse all the time!"

You could argue that it's taking drastic measures to help her grow as a person, just more so with a stick here than the carrot, but it does come off like her power is actively a manipulative grandmother rubbing their hands evilly as they match-make.

Of course, when Sakura does actually say she's happy with Ino or whoever, the system will act smug like it did the right thing. Truly, Sakura's power has a dark side to equal both the curse mark and the tailed beasts.
 
she's not thinking about it, but she'll be trying Rimworld soon. It won't actually help her like she thinks it will, very different style of play, but she will find she enjoys it and that'll make Kakashi annoyed when she forgets to sleep. That's a later concern though, right now…
Okay, maybe she is a psychopath. :V
 
Last edited:
Huh... Did she happen to mention to Ino that she created the Sasuke Fan Club as a cover to look normal yet? Because some conclusions naturally flow from that if she's asking Ino on a date.
 
Huh... Did she happen to mention to Ino that she created the Sasuke Fan Club as a cover to look normal yet? Because some conclusions naturally flow from that if she's asking Ino on a date.
I think so?
There was that whole scene after she disbanded it where Ino admitted she was never interested in Sasuke, and I'm like, 80% Sure Sakura admitted she wasn't either?
Someone else could look it up if they wanted to, it's in the first few chapters.
 
I think so?There was that whole scene after she disbanded it where Ino admitted she was never interested in Sasuke, and I'm like, 80% Sure Sakura admitted she wasn't either?Someone else could look it up if they wanted to, it's in the first few chapters.
See, I thought I remembered that, but it's been a while (six months since I read that chapter). I checked and there's even more subtext than I remembered, if anyone's interested:
"I, don't even like Sasuke." Sakura admits, looking into Ino's cute eyes. They always struck her as so pretty, and the girl has the kindest smile. She looks so proud of her, it's rejuvenating.

"I know." Ino says. "Me neither."

"Wha-"

"We were kids." Ino actually giggles, shaking her head in amusement. "He's kind of a dick. Like, a cute, very noble, broody dick, but still a dick."

"Why pretend?" Sakura asks.

"Same as you." Ino says.

"To hide something?"

"Mmhmm."

Sakura doesn't ask what, she doesn't feel like she has that right.

And notably neither one says what they're hiding.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top