Canon Omake: 'The Iron Duke's Own'
Lady Darkhound
Haha, tanks!
- Location
- My very own personal hell
- Pronouns
- She/Her
"The Iron Duke's Own"
1st Royal Marines Panzer Division
June, 1942
Libyan Desert, behind German lines
Commander Doris Wellesley of the Royal Navy, HMS Iron Duke, was quite lost. All these desert roads looked the same. She was supposed to have linked up with Reanne a week ago to help bolster the allied forces in the area with her extra contingent of Marines. Instead, her plane had been shot down by a right wanker of a Nazi pilot, and she'd spend the last week and a half stuck behind German lines, alone, and completely and utterly lost.
Her stolen truck was about out of diesel, too. Finding it in that Nazi supply depot had been a steal, and it was the only vehicle to survive the destruction of said depot. That had been an almost fun spot of excitement. It was almost a shame what she'd done to that poor Italian officer, but now he was both disappointed and dead. Everything else had gone up in a massive fireball thanks to the help of some particularly clever Marines with high explosives and a volley of 12-inch cannonfire, followed by quite the car chase.
That had most definitely been fun.
There was some commotion on the road ahead, the first such sign she'd seen since last Sunday. Or had it been Monday? Whenever it had been, it was far too long for the incredibly lost dreadnought. Maybe this was a good sign!
"Oh bloody hell," Duke groaned when she realized what was ahead. She'd stumbled across a panzer division. "Just what in God's name is going on here?"
Thankfully, Jerry was being lazy with guarding his rear, or maybe they'd just assumed her truck was one of theirs, since, well, it was one of theirs. Unfortunately, that would only last so long before someone noticed the very out of place blonde woman driving their truck, wearing a slightly ragged Royal Navy uniform.
On the other hand, this seemed like an excellent opportunity to blow off some steam.
"Alrighty lads, out you pop!" Duke ordered quietly, disembarking a platoon of Marines. The battleship quietly turned to address the platoon's first lieutenant. "Target those panzers first. If we take them out, this fight becomes a whole lot easier."
"Oi oi!" the lieutenant snapped a quick salute at the battleship before turning to his men and issuing orders. She nodded at the fairies before climbing out of the truck and cracking her knuckles.
Sure, she could just shell the panzers and be done with it, but this was going to be so much more satisfying. And there might even be supplies or intel to seize!
The nearest Nazi wasn't even looking her way. Iron Duke grinned as she approached him. A tap on his shoulder had the Nazi turning the wrong way, and a fist connected with his jaw. The results weren't pretty, and Duke winced despite herself. Three hundred horsepower did nasty things to a human body like that.
Perhaps louder, slightly more traditional ways of killing people would be overall less revolting.
The chatter of her Marines' Sten Guns brought a smile to Duke's face as she prepared her own weaponry. The big guns would be overkill and would destroy the tanks or their precious fuel trucks, but her 20mm AA guns should be perfectly fine for slaughtering Nazis wholesale.
Jerry knew they were under attack now, as the platoon of Royal Marines fell upon them. The battleship kept moving, and found the rear end of a panzer to take cover behind. Someone must have seen her, because the crack of rifle fire reached her ears as the bullets clattered around the panzer.
"Bugger!" Duke cursed as a bullet struck her head as she peeked out. Thankfully, it clattered harmlessly off her body with the help of her rigging, but it still stung. She shook her head and dropped a section of her Marines on top of the panzer. "Alright lads, let's turn their guns against them, shall we?"
"Oi oi!" the fairy sergeant said, snapping a salute. She watched for a moment as the Marines hauled open the tank commander's hatch and opened fire with their Stens.
The quick, panicked shout of "Schiesse!" brought a smile to Duke's face before she turned back to her own problems. Namely, the Nazis were getting brave.
A thrown stick grenade landed on the sand next to her, and the battleship reacted on instinct. She picked up the grenade and slung it back at the Nazis. It exploded in midair, but the shower of fragments was a suitable distraction.
She stepped out from behind the panzer and opened fire with her 20mm AA guns. The Oerlikons ripped through the infantry and the truck they were hiding behind, but they bounced ineffectually off the front of the panzer next to them. A panzer that was aiming her way.
The 5cm gun fired, and barely missed her, instead spraying the battleship's side with fragments and splinters. Nothing dangerous, thankfully, but still annoyingly close. Duke swore up a storm beneath her breath as she leveled her 4.7s at the panzer… only for it to shrink in front of her eyes.
"What in heavens?" Duke asked as the shrunk panzer suddenly had a full sized projection around it. The panzer next to her did the same, and a fairy stuck his head out of the commander's hatch. Iron Duke just stared at the fairy for a moment, before another nearby explosion caught her attention. That panzer wasn't as fortunate as the others, and received a pair of 4.7-inch rounds to the front plate.
With the fairy Marines capturing panzers left, right, and center, the battle quickly turned in Duke's favor… and just as quickly turned into a rout. Unable to harm the battleship, and being pursued by suddenly miniaturized panzers that turned against them, three trucks full of German soldiers fled the scene. One of the captured panzers chased after them for a bit before returning.
"Alright, let's see what we have here…" Duke mused as she looked over the remains of the battlefield. The assault hadn't been without losses, and about a dozen Marines had fallen in the process, mostly when their tanks had been hit. All in all, there were a half dozen captured panzers, and a disabled fuel truck that wasn't going to go anywhere fast, but would be useful for refueling her own truck and the panzers, if she wanted to keep them.
"Oi," a fairy lieutenant said, grabbing the battleship's attention. "Oi oi oi oioioi."
"Oh?" Duke oh'd, crossing her arms and looking down at the lieutenant.
"Oi Oi oi oi oioi oioioi, oi oi oi Oioi oi oi oioi oi oi oi oioi oi oi oi oi oi, oi oi oioi oi oioi oi oi oi. Oi oi oi oioi oi oioi oi oi oi, oi oi oi oi oi."
Duke looked at the fairy for a moment before nodding. "Makes sense." The battleship moved over to the nearest miniaturized tank, and after inspecting it for a moment, picked it up. With her rigging out, lifting the tank was a breeze, if a bit awkward. Maneuvering it was even more awkward, but she managed to successfully carry it over to her truck.
"Are you absolutely sure about this?" the graying battleship asked.
"Oi!"
With the affirmative answer, Iron Duke lowered the tank into the bed of her truck. It fit, which was a good sign, but as soon as she let go, the truck went flat underneath the full weight of the Panzer III. The lieutenant thankfully had the sense to stand his ground as Duke rounded on him, fury blazing in her eyes.
"You barmy twit!" Duke yelled. "What the bloody hell made you think that would work? And don't give me that square-cube law malarkey, it's still a fucking Panzer III that comes in at 22 tons! Look at where we are now! The truck, the one truck that was actually in running condition, is now a squished wreck! All thanks to leftenant nobhead and his stupid bloody ideas!"
Duke turned away and shook her head. "Fucking one pip wonders…"
"Oi Oi?" another fairy asked.
"I swear to all that is holy, if you say 'I have an idea,' I will strand you here in the desert."
"Oi… Oi oi oi oioioi."
Duke held up an accusatory finger and pointed it at the fairy who was giving her a cheeky grin. "I know all you actually said was oi, but you're on thin fucking ice."
"Oi!" the fairy protested. "Oi oi oi oi Oioioi!"
Duke merely raised an eyebrow. "Alright, go ahead. But if this turned out to be just like his, you know the punishment."
"Oi oi!" When the fairy raised his hands in defeat, Duke sighed. "Oi oi oioi oi oi oi oi?"
"What?" was the deadpan response.
"Oi oi!"
Duke blinked and stared at the fairy for a moment, before shaking her head. "Fucking Magical Sparkly Shipgirl Bullshit…" Then, she looked at the panzer that had just crushed her tank, and pointed an accusatory finger at it. "You're an arsehole, you don't get to be carried."
The battleship moved over to the next miniaturized tank, and picked it up. As she focused on it for a moment, she could tell that it was definitely the full mass of the largest panzer currently on the field. Then she slipped the panzer behind her back, and despite the awkwardness of the motion, the tank disappeared… only to reappear on her deck, scaled down completely. "Well I'll be damned. Somebody give that Marine a commendation. Or a pat on the back."
"Alright, Marines. Fill up your tanks from the fuel truck, grab everything of value, and prepare for departure. We're leaving soon," Duke ordered. The remaining four tanks beyond the arsehole Panzer III were quickly fueled and loaded onto Duke's deck, as well as some potentially useful equipment loaded into her hold.
Duke glared at the last panzer. The Panzer III. That tank had crushed her truck. As the Marines disembarked the tank, it grew to its full size, crushing what little remained of the truck. The battleship took a moment to make sure that the tank's fuel tanks were filled and that it was fully mobile before dropping into the driver's seat.
She took a moment to look around the control scheme before her face fell. Duke had no idea how to control this thing, let alone turn it on.
"Oi oi oi oi, Oi!" a very helpful fairy said, before jumping into an Oi filled explanation of the panzer's controls. Iron Duke followed his instructions, and before long she had the bastard tank up and moving. "Next stop, not fucking here!"
Three days later, a thoroughly exhausted Commander Wellesley, driving her captured panzer, finally found allied lines. The hidden six-pounder AT gun was a nasty shock, but the shot had missed, and she managed to wave off the assault before they could fire again. The very helpful and very confused gun crew finally gave her some directions, and she set off for El Alamein.
There, the first person to greet the battleship was a very concerned looking Captain Reanne McKay. "Fuckin' 'ell Dee! We were expectin' ye' two weeks ago!"
"Well, that plan got buggered as soon as that Nazi pilot found us. Got shot down somewhere along the coast." Duke replied, hopping down from her tank. All of a half second later, the battlecruiser had pulled her into a tight hug.
"Well, it's good te' see ye'," Repulse said. She broke off the hug and stepped back. "Come on, th' General wants te' see ye' fer a debrief. Let's find out where ye' got tha' shiny new panzer from."
"Lead the way," the graying battleship said with a nod.
After a week of much appreciated rest and resupplying, Commander Wellesley was once again sent out behind enemy lines, this time loaded down with extra supplies, an extra pair of trucks, and her very own armored division, a dozen brand new Crusader tanks loaded up on her deck to be deployed behind enemy lines without a supply line to be followed or cut off.
"If you didn't want to do this you shouldn't have been so good at it, Doris…" Duke muttered grumpily to herself as she took her truck back out into the desert. At least she had a proper map of the area this time…
1st Royal Marines Panzer Division
June, 1942
Libyan Desert, behind German lines
Commander Doris Wellesley of the Royal Navy, HMS Iron Duke, was quite lost. All these desert roads looked the same. She was supposed to have linked up with Reanne a week ago to help bolster the allied forces in the area with her extra contingent of Marines. Instead, her plane had been shot down by a right wanker of a Nazi pilot, and she'd spend the last week and a half stuck behind German lines, alone, and completely and utterly lost.
Her stolen truck was about out of diesel, too. Finding it in that Nazi supply depot had been a steal, and it was the only vehicle to survive the destruction of said depot. That had been an almost fun spot of excitement. It was almost a shame what she'd done to that poor Italian officer, but now he was both disappointed and dead. Everything else had gone up in a massive fireball thanks to the help of some particularly clever Marines with high explosives and a volley of 12-inch cannonfire, followed by quite the car chase.
That had most definitely been fun.
There was some commotion on the road ahead, the first such sign she'd seen since last Sunday. Or had it been Monday? Whenever it had been, it was far too long for the incredibly lost dreadnought. Maybe this was a good sign!
"Oh bloody hell," Duke groaned when she realized what was ahead. She'd stumbled across a panzer division. "Just what in God's name is going on here?"
Thankfully, Jerry was being lazy with guarding his rear, or maybe they'd just assumed her truck was one of theirs, since, well, it was one of theirs. Unfortunately, that would only last so long before someone noticed the very out of place blonde woman driving their truck, wearing a slightly ragged Royal Navy uniform.
On the other hand, this seemed like an excellent opportunity to blow off some steam.
"Alrighty lads, out you pop!" Duke ordered quietly, disembarking a platoon of Marines. The battleship quietly turned to address the platoon's first lieutenant. "Target those panzers first. If we take them out, this fight becomes a whole lot easier."
"Oi oi!" the lieutenant snapped a quick salute at the battleship before turning to his men and issuing orders. She nodded at the fairies before climbing out of the truck and cracking her knuckles.
Sure, she could just shell the panzers and be done with it, but this was going to be so much more satisfying. And there might even be supplies or intel to seize!
The nearest Nazi wasn't even looking her way. Iron Duke grinned as she approached him. A tap on his shoulder had the Nazi turning the wrong way, and a fist connected with his jaw. The results weren't pretty, and Duke winced despite herself. Three hundred horsepower did nasty things to a human body like that.
Perhaps louder, slightly more traditional ways of killing people would be overall less revolting.
The chatter of her Marines' Sten Guns brought a smile to Duke's face as she prepared her own weaponry. The big guns would be overkill and would destroy the tanks or their precious fuel trucks, but her 20mm AA guns should be perfectly fine for slaughtering Nazis wholesale.
Jerry knew they were under attack now, as the platoon of Royal Marines fell upon them. The battleship kept moving, and found the rear end of a panzer to take cover behind. Someone must have seen her, because the crack of rifle fire reached her ears as the bullets clattered around the panzer.
"Bugger!" Duke cursed as a bullet struck her head as she peeked out. Thankfully, it clattered harmlessly off her body with the help of her rigging, but it still stung. She shook her head and dropped a section of her Marines on top of the panzer. "Alright lads, let's turn their guns against them, shall we?"
"Oi oi!" the fairy sergeant said, snapping a salute. She watched for a moment as the Marines hauled open the tank commander's hatch and opened fire with their Stens.
The quick, panicked shout of "Schiesse!" brought a smile to Duke's face before she turned back to her own problems. Namely, the Nazis were getting brave.
A thrown stick grenade landed on the sand next to her, and the battleship reacted on instinct. She picked up the grenade and slung it back at the Nazis. It exploded in midair, but the shower of fragments was a suitable distraction.
She stepped out from behind the panzer and opened fire with her 20mm AA guns. The Oerlikons ripped through the infantry and the truck they were hiding behind, but they bounced ineffectually off the front of the panzer next to them. A panzer that was aiming her way.
The 5cm gun fired, and barely missed her, instead spraying the battleship's side with fragments and splinters. Nothing dangerous, thankfully, but still annoyingly close. Duke swore up a storm beneath her breath as she leveled her 4.7s at the panzer… only for it to shrink in front of her eyes.
"What in heavens?" Duke asked as the shrunk panzer suddenly had a full sized projection around it. The panzer next to her did the same, and a fairy stuck his head out of the commander's hatch. Iron Duke just stared at the fairy for a moment, before another nearby explosion caught her attention. That panzer wasn't as fortunate as the others, and received a pair of 4.7-inch rounds to the front plate.
With the fairy Marines capturing panzers left, right, and center, the battle quickly turned in Duke's favor… and just as quickly turned into a rout. Unable to harm the battleship, and being pursued by suddenly miniaturized panzers that turned against them, three trucks full of German soldiers fled the scene. One of the captured panzers chased after them for a bit before returning.
"Alright, let's see what we have here…" Duke mused as she looked over the remains of the battlefield. The assault hadn't been without losses, and about a dozen Marines had fallen in the process, mostly when their tanks had been hit. All in all, there were a half dozen captured panzers, and a disabled fuel truck that wasn't going to go anywhere fast, but would be useful for refueling her own truck and the panzers, if she wanted to keep them.
"Oi," a fairy lieutenant said, grabbing the battleship's attention. "Oi oi oi oioioi."
"Oh?" Duke oh'd, crossing her arms and looking down at the lieutenant.
"Oi Oi oi oi oioi oioioi, oi oi oi Oioi oi oi oioi oi oi oi oioi oi oi oi oi oi, oi oi oioi oi oioi oi oi oi. Oi oi oi oioi oi oioi oi oi oi, oi oi oi oi oi."
Duke looked at the fairy for a moment before nodding. "Makes sense." The battleship moved over to the nearest miniaturized tank, and after inspecting it for a moment, picked it up. With her rigging out, lifting the tank was a breeze, if a bit awkward. Maneuvering it was even more awkward, but she managed to successfully carry it over to her truck.
"Are you absolutely sure about this?" the graying battleship asked.
"Oi!"
With the affirmative answer, Iron Duke lowered the tank into the bed of her truck. It fit, which was a good sign, but as soon as she let go, the truck went flat underneath the full weight of the Panzer III. The lieutenant thankfully had the sense to stand his ground as Duke rounded on him, fury blazing in her eyes.
"You barmy twit!" Duke yelled. "What the bloody hell made you think that would work? And don't give me that square-cube law malarkey, it's still a fucking Panzer III that comes in at 22 tons! Look at where we are now! The truck, the one truck that was actually in running condition, is now a squished wreck! All thanks to leftenant nobhead and his stupid bloody ideas!"
Duke turned away and shook her head. "Fucking one pip wonders…"
"Oi Oi?" another fairy asked.
"I swear to all that is holy, if you say 'I have an idea,' I will strand you here in the desert."
"Oi… Oi oi oi oioioi."
Duke held up an accusatory finger and pointed it at the fairy who was giving her a cheeky grin. "I know all you actually said was oi, but you're on thin fucking ice."
"Oi!" the fairy protested. "Oi oi oi oi Oioioi!"
Duke merely raised an eyebrow. "Alright, go ahead. But if this turned out to be just like his, you know the punishment."
"Oi oi!" When the fairy raised his hands in defeat, Duke sighed. "Oi oi oioi oi oi oi oi?"
"What?" was the deadpan response.
"Oi oi!"
Duke blinked and stared at the fairy for a moment, before shaking her head. "Fucking Magical Sparkly Shipgirl Bullshit…" Then, she looked at the panzer that had just crushed her tank, and pointed an accusatory finger at it. "You're an arsehole, you don't get to be carried."
The battleship moved over to the next miniaturized tank, and picked it up. As she focused on it for a moment, she could tell that it was definitely the full mass of the largest panzer currently on the field. Then she slipped the panzer behind her back, and despite the awkwardness of the motion, the tank disappeared… only to reappear on her deck, scaled down completely. "Well I'll be damned. Somebody give that Marine a commendation. Or a pat on the back."
"Alright, Marines. Fill up your tanks from the fuel truck, grab everything of value, and prepare for departure. We're leaving soon," Duke ordered. The remaining four tanks beyond the arsehole Panzer III were quickly fueled and loaded onto Duke's deck, as well as some potentially useful equipment loaded into her hold.
Duke glared at the last panzer. The Panzer III. That tank had crushed her truck. As the Marines disembarked the tank, it grew to its full size, crushing what little remained of the truck. The battleship took a moment to make sure that the tank's fuel tanks were filled and that it was fully mobile before dropping into the driver's seat.
She took a moment to look around the control scheme before her face fell. Duke had no idea how to control this thing, let alone turn it on.
"Oi oi oi oi, Oi!" a very helpful fairy said, before jumping into an Oi filled explanation of the panzer's controls. Iron Duke followed his instructions, and before long she had the bastard tank up and moving. "Next stop, not fucking here!"
++++++++++
Three days later, a thoroughly exhausted Commander Wellesley, driving her captured panzer, finally found allied lines. The hidden six-pounder AT gun was a nasty shock, but the shot had missed, and she managed to wave off the assault before they could fire again. The very helpful and very confused gun crew finally gave her some directions, and she set off for El Alamein.
There, the first person to greet the battleship was a very concerned looking Captain Reanne McKay. "Fuckin' 'ell Dee! We were expectin' ye' two weeks ago!"
"Well, that plan got buggered as soon as that Nazi pilot found us. Got shot down somewhere along the coast." Duke replied, hopping down from her tank. All of a half second later, the battlecruiser had pulled her into a tight hug.
"Well, it's good te' see ye'," Repulse said. She broke off the hug and stepped back. "Come on, th' General wants te' see ye' fer a debrief. Let's find out where ye' got tha' shiny new panzer from."
"Lead the way," the graying battleship said with a nod.
After a week of much appreciated rest and resupplying, Commander Wellesley was once again sent out behind enemy lines, this time loaded down with extra supplies, an extra pair of trucks, and her very own armored division, a dozen brand new Crusader tanks loaded up on her deck to be deployed behind enemy lines without a supply line to be followed or cut off.
"If you didn't want to do this you shouldn't have been so good at it, Doris…" Duke muttered grumpily to herself as she took her truck back out into the desert. At least she had a proper map of the area this time…