Honestly, I'd argue Northstrider is the only one lying to himself.
Sesh's hatred of civilization is extremely petty lashing out at a society that probably disappeared a millennia ago, but it's very honest. He believes power is the only thing that matters, and well, it's Cradle so he's kinda right.
Shen knows exactly the kind of person he is.
Malice is a bit of asshole, but she's not wrong that ascending would endanger her people. As Taylor laid out, it's a prisoner's dilemma. Maybe she should've, like Emriss, worked to eliminate the Dreadgods rather than accept the status quo. But I can't entirely blame her for taking the safer route.