so in other words they are perfectly normal human being with the flaw of lacking anything regarding common sense in one or more issues, yet it somehow doesn't kill them immediately
Overlady: Attack of the Minions (Thread II)
- Thread starter EarthScorpion
- Start date
- Fantasy
so in other words they are perfectly normal human being with the flaw of lacking anything regarding common sense in one or more issues, yet it somehow doesn't kill them immediately
Otherwise known as "heroes."
Am I the only one more surprised that the analogy isn't "that family gatherings can be mistaken for the legions of Abyss warring with one another" than of the implied size of the family?
- Location
- in the trash
"And minions is are meta-four for lootings and killies!"
"Shut yer gob Maxy."
"Wait what is a meta-four? I is no under-standing what you mean by that."
"It is fancy vole-cab-u-lorry, like Overlady uses."
"I be thinking it like the mat-a-door. You know, that thingy with the hornie-cow stab the humie with the horns and then blood everywhere."
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Breadnaugt
Even in Death, I'm still Tasty
- Location
- Britland
This confusion probably isn't helped by all those times her family gathering IS the legions of the Abyss marching to war.
Nor, unless I am vastly misremembering, is Danny male. She just thinks she is, because that's how she was brought up. I seem to remember getting yelled at by you about this, in fact, and if you're going to state for the record that Danny is male, I think I deserve an apology.
My apologies--I meant the current generation of von Zerbsts.
Head of a profitable (if not major) corporation with potential revenue streams in multiple dimensions, having the services of one of the most significant fashion/armor designers in Hell, and able to protect Lilly the dark elf...that strikes me as a bigger player than just another demon princeling. At the very least, she seems to have more influence than Jessica, despite the latter being markedly more demonically powerful, and my impression was that this was not always the case.
But...no, I didn't mean that she was a big player, just that she is getting bigger than she was. Basically, she seems to be hitting the point where she has enough power that she could someday become a threat--that is, enough power to be noticed by name--but not enough power to actually fight back if somebody serious decides to remove her. I mean, she could be dangerous some day, a thousand or so years in the future, and immortal beings don't stay powerful by not planning for the long term. And I was wondering about how active the real powers in Hell are about pruning out potential competitors, and how likely it is that she would be seen as somebody to destroy now, while it's still pretty easy and/or cheap (effortless might be a better word) to do so. Or do they let the rising players fight it out amongst themselves, and just deal with those powers that stand out too dramatically above the rest?
Also, given how you've stated that there are LOTS of sisters for Isabella, and that most of her sisters were basically consumed by their nature, I kinda assumed the title didn't mean much. I mean, that's not even counting the offspring of former leaders of Hell, who might or might not still claim the title of prince or princess for their own....
- Location
- The sixth circle of Hell (second on weekends)
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Danny is male. He happens to have female genitalia, but he's not deluded about his gender identity like you're implying with your pronouns and wording there. Kirche was brought up the same way, and has never had a whiff of doubt about her gender - just as Danny is entirely sure about his.
You got yelled at because you failed to appreciate that someone's gender identity differing from their biological sex doesn't make it invalid, and apparently you didn't understand the lesson because you still seem to be doing it.
- Location
- in the trash
Even if you only want to argue biological males, you only have two data points, which does not a trend make. The Iberian dude, and Blitzhart. Granted, the Iberian bastard was not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and he was Evil, and Blitzhart is Blitzhart, but that's only two out of a very large number of male von Zerbst offspring.
We also haven't seen any of the half sisters yet other than Izah'belya, even though we know that quite a few of those exist as well.
We also haven't seen any of the half sisters yet other than Izah'belya, even though we know that quite a few of those exist as well.
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Okay, firstly you didn't even get Kirche's name right. Second, you may want to read what Kirche had to say on the topic again:
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boo600
Ego sum egredietur tempestas.
- Location
- Texas
- Pronouns
- He/Him/Hungry
Warning For Marginal Behavior: Don't misgender characters
Definitely female.
Also, autocorrect sucks.
Edit, years later-
My apologies. When I wrote this, I literally didn't know what a transgender person was. I remember that I already appealed (and explained) that I was just uncertain about Danny's biological sex, except that I didn't clarify with those words. SV thankfully accepted me, but I am genuinely sad that I didn't read the Manly Heroic Interlude more closely, and find out that Danny is genuinely trans and not merely deluded by his father. (I don't remember whether that interlude came out before this comment, but I just read it and 'got it' this month. I'm kinda like Tabitha, but less murder-y).
ES, you're genuinely awesome for writing this stuff. I'm not trans myself, but I'd like to live in a world where people aren't horrendous to each other because of 'how things should be,' and the work people like you put in towards representation for LGTBQ+ people... well, it's a large part of why I still have any hope for humanity left. Thank you.
Also, autocorrect sucks.
Edit, years later-
My apologies. When I wrote this, I literally didn't know what a transgender person was. I remember that I already appealed (and explained) that I was just uncertain about Danny's biological sex, except that I didn't clarify with those words. SV thankfully accepted me, but I am genuinely sad that I didn't read the Manly Heroic Interlude more closely, and find out that Danny is genuinely trans and not merely deluded by his father. (I don't remember whether that interlude came out before this comment, but I just read it and 'got it' this month. I'm kinda like Tabitha, but less murder-y).
ES, you're genuinely awesome for writing this stuff. I'm not trans myself, but I'd like to live in a world where people aren't horrendous to each other because of 'how things should be,' and the work people like you put in towards representation for LGTBQ+ people... well, it's a large part of why I still have any hope for humanity left. Thank you.
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Danny is biologically female, that is correct. However, he considers himself male. Even without being in the presence of his father. Kirche is biologically female and considers herself to be female, but crossdresses and acts male in the presence of her father. Where the rest of the legitimate von Zerbst brood fall, if one were to make Danny and Kirche separate ends of a line graph for the sake of a very simple comparison, is something only ES can speak to. Personally I find it to be a rather interesting situation to think about. One can only wonder how these facts would make a meeting with Jessica turn out, assuming that Jessica's alignment and alliance with a Valliere didn't sour things immediately, and by extension Louise is probably going to be rather okay with the whole situation as well at least assuming pretty much the same obvious things don't sour the encounter from the start.
- Location
- Voidbetweenstars
...
And that doesn't change the fact that were talking about weather the biological males are all stupid. Sooooo I don't get why everyone is yelling about it, so he identifies as man doesn't make him suddenly Male. (or the difference between the biologically scientific classification, and the identity/role classification.)
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I think it's because the initial argument was flawed to begin with and ES' comment indicates that biological sex was never a factor. We've had significant screen time for 6 total blood members of the von Zerbst family. The only member of the bloodline that we get to see that I would call an idiot would be the evil half-sibling that hired a bunch of mercenaries and ambushed the heroic party at an inn. Given the other half-siblings that Kirche and Danny speak of killing, as well as the discussion they have with
Also I suspect that there might be some form of meta-ness that is also driving the story that could be derived from the Overlord half of this fic. Gnral's constant advice about heroes, some of the minion chatter, the various savvy bits of advice passed down by family members that is reinforced by instincts bred into some of the characters, the whole recorded instances of good heroines turning evil men to good, and the whole "Evil always finds a way" thing feel like that they support some level of such a thing. So it matters less that what Danny has got in his pants and more that he's acting the way he does. Which might be tied to why the Void magic makes Louise tsun as fuck and Eleanore elaborately suicidal. I'm less confident about reaching this far with speculation though.
edit: I mixed up Jessica and Isabella somehow
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Violation of Rule 4 - Thread disruption.
Aleph...what does it say in my tag? I know you can read, because you've responded to my post.
If you guessed that it says "Recovering Forum Troll-- DO NOT FEED!!!!", than you are correct. That tag is rather important, by the way--it's a gentle warning that I have extreme trouble not jumping on posts that display an unusual level of stupidity.
What have you just done by going off on a very inaccurate and extremely poorly informed lecture about my perceived shortcomings?
If you guessed "I fed the troll", you get a cookie.
I am not going to correct your...foolishness...this time. I had planned on it, and spent several hours putting together an appropriate reply, but I am trying to recover, and, even if posts like yours aren't helping, it doesn't accomplish anything if I backslide. But I suggest you read my post very, very carefully, and then ask yourself whether gender identity refers to male/female, or man/woman.
Once you have done that, we can re-open this discussion. In the meantime, I'm going to go take my medicine, and lie down.
A Winter's Heroic Interlude in Three Parts - Red
A Winter's Heroic Interlude In Three Parts
Part 1 – Red
A coach carrying the von Zerbst family made its way along a narrow snow-choked road, under the light of the twin moons. It was followed by a coach carrying more of the von Zerbst family, then another coach which carried the family members who couldn't fit into the first two vehicles.
Kirche sighed, and stared out of the window at the flakes of snow drifting down from the sky. The de la Vallière estate was painted white by the weather. Ice choked the fishing lakes, while the tall and narrow pine trees creaked under the weight of their snow-laden boughs.
The markgraf thought it wise to keep up with the neighbours, officially because they were ancestral foes but mostly because he wanted to brag to the duchess of the de la Vallières about certain accomplishments of his in the past year. Of course, unfortunately that meant he had to stay still in a closed space for extended periods, and his patience was wearing thin.
Kirche, for her part, was trying to ignore her father's leg-tapping and occasional bellows of "Are we there yet?" at the coachman.
"Don't ruffle your velvet, and sit still, my love," said his wife.
"No one tells me what to do, woman!" Blitzhart snapped reflexively, but he complied.
"And Kirche, dear, could you look a teeny weeny little bit less bored? I know you'd rather be out doing… rough and tumble things, but family is important."
"Yeah, Kirche," Lucien sneered.
"Luci, sweetie, be nice to your older," she glanced quickly at her sullen husband, "sibling."
Francesca Juliet Helen Georgia Phosphene von Zerbst had to be at least forty, but only the faintest lines on her brow marked the passage of the years. Her mass of pale blonde hair was pinned up in an elegant hairstyle, while her dress was a little risque for a woman her age but clearly pleased her husband. Once again, she was heavily pregnant. Kirche was darkly sure that her family would have been bankrupted by how many children her parents had were it not for the von Zerbst fortune born of generations of heroic looting. And her mother had been wealthy before her marriage too.
Many people had wondered what kind of a person could capture Blitzhart von Zerbst in holy matrimony. As it turned out, it had taken one of the great beauties of Germania, aided amply by her status as a massively wealthy heiress who had inherited the fortune left to her by her demon-murdered family. Blitzhart had rescued her from the Abyss itself after she was snatched away by the force of darkness, wedding bells had rung out, and Kirche had been born six months later. She was a reclusive and shy woman who spent much of her time on pilgrimage, overshadowed entirely by her irrepressible husband and sizable brood of rambunctious children.
"Oh!" Kirche said suddenly. "We're just coming up to the ravine with the giant skull carved into the walls. We're nearly there, father!"
"What? We're already past the ruins of the Fortress of Impaling?"
"I must have missed it in the snow. That, or the de la Vallières have finally got around to removing the spikes."
And indeed, it was only a few minutes before the convoy of coaches was pulling up in front of the estate. Golden light streamed out of the lit windows, though most of the complex was dark. Blitzhart burst out of the coach, nearly tearing the door from the hinges, and dashed up to the door, hammering on it with one meaty fist.
"Oi, dukey! Let us in! It's bloody freezing out here."
"Help your mother out of the coach, my darling," Kirche's mother commanded her. "And then, if you wouldn't mind, herd up the others. And do try to stop anyone from running off."
It took some corralling of little red-haired hellions and the occasional levitation spell, but eventually the von Zerbsts were assembled. The grand doors to the de la Vallière household swung open, with an exaggerated creak.
A tall figure was standing in the shadows. His monocle somehow caught the light, reflecting it even as the rest of his face was shaded. His high-collared mantle was of an archaic cut; his blond hair was elegantly cut, yet the product of an older time.
"Welcome to my household," he said in a soft voice that seemed like it should have come from a much smaller man. "Please, come in and-"
"Ah, Centurion, you old dog! I see your moustache is still growing! Bet your wife likes it - and she'd like it more if it was as big as mine! Rrrrawwrr!"
Stepping out of the shadows, the duke's moustache twitched. "Blitzhart," he said flatly.
"That's my name! And you all know what my game is! Rrrawrr! Good to see you, my man! I see that stick up your butt is still poking into your tonsils!" He stepped up to the duke, offering his hand, but when he went to take it Blitzhart reached around to slap him on the bottom. "And you haven't let yourself go! Always knew you were a tight-arse! Great thing for a rival! Not an arch-rival, of course - that's your wife! Where is the lethal lady herself, anyway?!"
A little muscle under the duke's right eye spasmed. "My beloved wife was feeling a little shut-in from the weather. When news of a giant squid on the north coast came in, she decided to get out of the house. She should be back soon."
"A squid! What the blazes! Why didn't anyone tell me this! I might be able to make it," Blitzhart said, checking his pocket watch. He turned on his heel, and was about to march out the door when his wife caught his sleeve.
"Dear," Francesca said. "You'll miss the meal, and I doubt you could make it there before dear sweet Karina kills a mere squid."
"That's true, but…"
"I dare say it's not even a worthy enemy for you. Not worth going out in the cold for," she pressed.
"Quite so," the duke said. "I dare say Karina will be back soon enough, when she's let off a little steam, but my daughter will be taking her place."
"Ha! So your sickly little girl has got well enough to attend one of our dinners! Good to hear that! I hear rumours she's quite the beauty and is unmarried! Rrawrrr!"
The duke's eye muscle twitched again. "Not that daughter. I m-"
"What, you mean she's turned up? What's her name, Kirche? Your rival!"
"Louise?" Kirche asked, shocked.
"No," the duke said, mouth a thin line. "I mean Eleanore."
"Oh." Blitzhart looked momentarily nonplussed. "Are you feeling well, old chap? Do you remember what happened last time she was allowed to host a dinner?"
"I do. Lord and Founder, I do. But I've talked with her and she's promised that she's not planning to run anyone through in a duel."
"Ha! She can duel me any time she likes! I'd run..."
"Yes, yes," the duke said tetchily, before the inevitable innuendo made its appearance; doubly so because it would be about his eldest daughter. "Why don't you come inside?"
"I'd love to!" Francesca said with a tinkling laugh. "The weather has been so awful recently! I hate it when it's this cold! I'm so prone to catching chills! I nearly was too ill to travel, and I've just had this cough that wouldn't clear until I went to pray in Roma. And on top of that I'm pregnant again which is leaving me tired all the time and…"
Kirche sighed, and wished she had earplugs. Spending time around her mother was literally hellish, or at least figuratively literally hellish. Why couldn't she be in Amstelredamme like the others, rather than being caught between de la Vallières on one side and her mother's stream-of-consciousness chatter on the other?
"Thank God for me!" Blitzhart slammed his hand down on the table, roaring with laughter. "And don't you just know it, that's what the nun said!"
This dining hall was much warmer than the coaches, and whatever legendary feasts of the blood of the living that may hypothetically have occurred here in the past were long forgotten. The von Zerbst side of the table was packed, with the smaller children needing to be put on a secondary table due to lack of space. By contrast, the de la Vallière side of the grand table had only two people sitting there, and they were slightly further apart from one another than was traditional.
Blitzhart was enjoying the aperitifs, even if they were meant to be drunk from rather smaller drinking vessels than the one he was using. He certainly hadn't noticed the tensions on the other side of the table, but Kirche had. She decided that the de la Vallières were like cats. That is to say, they were a bunch of vicious killers who just happened to be good at looking pretty and so people let them into their homes. Admittedly that had been after a study of her family's history books and Louise de la Vallière had comprehensively failed to live up to the whole 'vicious killer' thing when they had actually met, but she had made up for it in being small, cute, and utterly ridiculous while not quite realising how silly she was. And also getting very angry when she got caught in a sudden rainstorm.
What had happened to her was such a shame.
"How is little Cattleya doing?" Francesca asked, conversationally. "I haven't seen her in so long. Why not invite her down for drinks, at least? Surely that would be pleasant, even if she doesn't drink wine."
"Cattleya is on a constitutional trip to Romalia, for the sake of her health," the duke said, without blinking. "She gets so cold in winter with her poor circulation, and so close to the Great North Sea the winds are too damp for her."
"I was in Romalia this summer," Kirche agreed. "Someone we rescued let us stay in his villa for a few weeks. It was very relaxing, right until a mountain nearly tore itself apart."
"That's one way of putting it," Danny muttered from further down the table. To his disgust, he was sitting with the younger children and had only been allowed apple juice. He was sulking.
"Oh yes. I just hate it when a mountain tears itself apart," the woman sitting opposite to Kirche drawled. Kirche glared at her. Eleanore de la Vallière stared back, eyes hidden by the light reflecting off her spectacles. Her lips were quirked up in a tiny smug smile, although Kirche was of the opinion that that was just her default expression. Eleanore was far less amusing than her youngest sister. She was eight years older than Kirche, and probably hadn't even had a single evil step-sibling try to murder her for inheritance.
"Something you wanted to say?" Eleanore said, a slightly sardonic note in her voice. "You looked like you were about to expand on the topic. Perhaps you were going to contribute to your father's marvellous and fascinating tales?"
"Eleanore…" the duke said warningly.
"Oh, no, I'm being quite honest here. I haven't heard stories like that in years. I had thought that the giant sandsnakes of the Rub' al Khali were quite gone. A few years back, I was part of an expedition that touched the very edge of elven lands looking for them. There wasn't a trace. Some thought they were extinct."
"Ha! They are now! I guess you just weren't trying hard enough to find them!" Blitzhart bellowed. "Count another point for me! Hurrah!" His cheer was matched by a cheer from his many children.
"My goodness," Eleanore said softly, one eyebrow raising. "And what of you, Kirche? What have you done recently? What glorious stories of heroism are you bringing here to this winter feast?"
Kirche sat back in her chair, wineglass held in one hand. She resisted the urge to down it, even though she was feeling far too sober to be dealing with a de la Vallière quite as catty as this one. "Oh, you know," she said, deliberately slowly. "One thing and the next. Saving a Gallian duc, killing an evil cardinal in Romalia…"
"And there was that man who was way too fond of bears! Me and Guiche killed him!" Danny chipped in from down the table. "Then the land tore itself apart and we saw the Abyss!"
Eleanore played with her napkin, carefully pleating the edge. "You've become quite the little hero," she said to Kirche. "We should talk after the meal. Share some stories, and the like. I did the same when I was at the Academy. I would be fascinated to hear from a first-hand experience of one of these Abyssal rifts. My knowledge of them is sadly limited, but I fear the forces of Darkness may be plotting."
"Could we please not have such talk when we're soon to be eating?" Francesca asked, looking queasy.
"Do you really think the constant and ever-present threat of the Abyss will disappear if we pretend it doesn't exist?" Eleanore demanded, leaning forwards.
"I just think that so much blood and guts is the sort of thing that—"
"Harumph. No, I think now is a perfectly good time to discuss such things."
"Eleanore!" the duke said sharply.
With an obvious sign of effort, Eleanore bit back whatever she was about to say next. "I do so apologise for my manners," she said, her tone sickly sweet. "It was so… unfeminine of me."
"Ha! Keep on acting like that, then!" Blitzhart said, raising his pitcher of fine white wine. "Good girl you've got there, Centy! Be better if she was a boy, but she's trying her best with her female limitations! Not as good as Kirche, though! That's m'boy!"
Eleanore opened her mouth, eyes flashing.
"No," said the duke.
"But…" Eleanore began.
"No."
As Kirche was a well-known hero of repute, she always kept an eye out for people planning things at dinners and parties. The last thing she wanted was to get locked in another mansion trying to find which of the guests had murdered their host with a dagger in the library. Last time that'd happened they'd never caught the suspect, even though Tabitha had been trying her hardest to help them.
And so of course she noticed the de la Vallières sneaking off and followed them. What else was she meant to do? Kneeling down, she pressed her ear to the locked door to listen.
"Founder," Eleanore groaned, her voice muffled through the door. "Why did I subject myself to this? That was just the aperitifs. There's six courses of him to go."
"You subjected yourself to this by arguing with your mother as soon as you arrived home," the duke said, barely audible.
"I had good reason! She-"
"You have no one to blame for this but yourself. You are my eldest daughter, and part of that means you are obliged to maintain your family's position. You are going to sit through all of this without insulting him. No matter how much you want to." He sighed. "I certainly want to, sometimes."
"You?"
"I understand he's a bore, a pig, and not half as funny as he thinks he is. He still calls me Centurion, and I haven't used that nomme de guerre in decades," the duke said wearily. "He is a very trying man. But you will be duchess someday, Eleanore, and part of being duchess is putting up with trying people without running them through or having their lands sacked and their peasants impaled."
"I am trying," Eleanore said more softly. "I really am."
"Yes, I do see that. I've known you are a trying girl for years. Unfortunately, he's very trying too."
Eleanore's sigh was audible even from the door. "Really, father?"
"If you feed me such a line, how can I resist?"
"Please do."
"But just think of it this way - only a few more hours of Blitzhart, and then we won't have to see any of him for months. At least you're here to commiserate with. Your mother finds him amusing, God only knows why. Possibly a mild case of hearing damage from overuse of lightning magic, so he isn't quite so loud for her."
"Mother is… Mother." Eleanore paused. "Father, I do believe that he needs to know about…"
"No. I need to think about how we're going to address it. It may be a ploy by the forces of Darkness. He's a loose cannon. And easily manipulated if you present a nice obvious threat in the opposite direction, or a pretty woman. With the sensitive political situation here - especially with the revelation that little Francoise-Athenais was possessed by a dark angel - this may be a plan by the overlady to throw Tristain into further chaos by having him rampage around like a drunken bull."
"But…"
"Kirche!" Her mother had somehow crept up on her while she was focussing on the de la Vallières, and was glaring down at her, looking very disappointed. "What are you doing?"
"Shhh," Kirche whispered, finger to her lips. "I'm listening in at the door."
"Well, I never!" Francesca said, pulling her by the arm. "That is so ill-mannered, darling!"
"Pfft. I'm just doing what Dad does."
Francesca sighed wearily. "Kirche, darling," she said, "you are being very difficult. Can you at least please try to be a little more polite? I do realise that your father sets a certain example to you, but could you try to be more lady-like? Like me, perhaps?"
Kirche's eyes hardened, but she forced herself to smile. "Why, I quite apologise for my behaviour, mother," she said floridly. "I am quite beside myself with shame."
"Kirche! Such manners ill befit you!" Her mother's lip wobbled, even as she pulled Kirche away from the interesting conversation on the other side of the door. "There is no need to act like that disgusting de la Vallière girl just because we are in their household."
That was hurtful. "I am not acting like her!"
"Oh yes you are. De la Vallière woman have no respect for what should be done. They're so rude. Why, I remember her grandmother."
Kirche blinked. "Wait, what?"
"Oh, darling, did I not tell you this story? When I was much younger, she dragged me from my home and imprisoned me. She had some frightfully wicked plan to drain all my blood and steal my life energy and use it to become immortal. Fortunately, a young heroic knight was also imprisoned along with me, and he managed to fight his way out and free me."
"Wait, that was how you met Dad?"
Francesca laughed. "Oh, my, no. Darling, lots of men used to try to imprison me before I met your father. It's one of the dangers of being an heiress. This was before all that." She sighed. "It was a shame what happened to that poor boy. I might have married him instead of your father, but that de la Vallière woman had stolen most of his blood and he died in my arms not long after we escaped."
Straightening up, Kirche looked down at her mother. "I'm an heiress and I don't get kidnapped."
"That would be because of your father's influence, sweetie. That and the fact that much of Germania thinks you're a boy and so doesn't think to try to imprison you. But your father's wishes for you are a jail even more confining than any prison. I wish you could live as you're meant to be, darling, I really do. You're not meant to be trapped by his expectations. Someday I hope you'll see that."
Yanking her hand free, Kirche took a deep breath. "I've told you a thousand times before. I don't want that. I'd prefer that people think I'm a man than be reduced to some… some fainting lambling who, like, sits around waiting to be rescued. Well, fuck that. I'd rather live in Dad's expectations than yours."
"You don't respect me," Francesca said in a tiny voice. Kirche didn't reply, but her expression said everything. "You don't need to be so coarse or try to act like a man to earn respect. There are more feminine ways of influencing people."
Kirche snorted. "What, sitting around hoping to be married well? Being the trophy of some man much older than me? Oh, or being taken captive by some villain and hoping you get on well with whatever muscled thug rescues you?"
"It worked out for me and your father."
"That's you. Not me." Kirche turned on her heel and walked back to the light and noise of the main hall, leaving her mother standing in her shadow.
The meal at the de la Vallière estate was excellent, even if the von Zerbsts present were contractually obliged to feel that it was not as good as they got at home. After that, the gentlemen, Kirche included, retreated to the Duke's reading room to talk about manly things. However, for some reason the Duke de la Vallière seemed somewhat unwilling to do that with her around and thus most of the conversation consisted of Blitzhart's complaining that Karin still wasn't back and his bragging.
Kirche was occupied with maintaining an expression of rapt fascination as her father went on about a dragon he'd taken down - "You should have seen what she looked like in human form! Didn't believe in human clothing, rrrawrrr!" - when she felt her belt purse shudder. Something inside it was moving, as if it was a living thing.
"Excuse me. I just need a breath of fresh air," she said brightly.
"Oh yes, feel free, please do," the duke said quickly. His expression was more than a little mortified.
Shaking her head, Kirche stepped outside. Tristainians were a repressed people. Louise must've got her more-than-usual levels of repression from her father. She paced down dark corridors until she felt she was far enough away from any listeners. The tapestries on the walls depicted de la Vallières impaling peasants on spikes, while bloodless aristocrats sneered down from the paintings on the walls.
Reaching into her belt purse, she pulled out a small hand-mirror about the size of her palm, and flipped it open. Cupping it in her hand, she traced an occult symbol on the front. The surface of the mirror ceased to reflect her own face. Instead, Izah'belya stared out of it. "Well, honestly," she said tetchily. "It took you ages to pick up."
"I was busy," Kirche told her evil demonic succubus half-sister. Despite the rather substantial moral difference between them, the two had found they actually got on very well once Izah'belya had reached out to her. Yes, Kirche was fairly sure she was trying to corrupt her and had only made contact for that purpose, but in her defence Kirche had her eyes set on redeeming her half-sister and wasn't prepared to lose to her. Turn-around was fair play, after all.
"Where are you? Unholy cow, I've never got a signal as strong to the surface world! You must be close to a force of terrible and maleficent Evil!"
Kirche frowned. "No. We're just on a family trip to see the neighbours. What could be…" She slapped herself in the forehead as she realised how stupid she was being. "Oh. Right. The neighbours are the de la Vallières, and I'm on their estate right now."
Izah'belya paled, smiling nervously. "The de la Vallières… if you're busy, I can go." She swallowed. "I don't want the Karin finding out about this. I heard that she can smell fear – and that it smells like chocolate to her."
"Nah, she's actually pretty nice," Kirche said with a shrug. "A bit proper, but she's totally more normal than Dad. Who, uh, considers her to be his arch-rival." She caught the stare that her half-sister was directing at her. "Don't look at me like I'm crazy. One of the advantages of not being an evil demon is the fact that you can talk to Karina de la Vallière without her trying to kill you. Plus, she's not even here right now. She's off killing a giant squid on the coastline."
"Oh, thank the dark gods," Izah'belya breathed. "So, uh. Merry Silver Pentagram, by the way."
"Silver Pentacle."
"Silver Pentagram. I got you a present, foolish hero, but you'll need to come to my lair to embrace the gifts of Hell."
Kirche shook her head. "Nuh uh. I got you a present too, vile demon. But you're not getting it unless you meet me on sacred ground to repent your sins."
With a sigh, Izah'belya ran her hands through her hair. "Whatever. Fine. Let's just do lunch around the New Year and we can hand things over."
"That's good for me," Kirche agreed. "Is that all?"
"No, I… look. Let's cut the crap and just be open with each other. I know it's against both of our religions, but it'll be over way quicker if we don't have to stop and, like, call each other 'vile demon' or 'wretched hero' and that reduces the chance of the Karin coming back unexpectedly." Izah'belya's image took a deep breath. "What do you know about what happened in Amstelredamme?"
That was a shock. "Why are you asking me? That was the forces of Evil."
"Yes, but it wasn't my subset of the forces of Evil and no one seems to know exactly what went on. Plus, rumours are going on that a mysterious unicorn-riding heroine showed up and slew Baelogji after she betrayed and stole the power of Athe the Disbeliever. Know anything about that?"
Leaning against the wall, Kirche considered what to say. She decided honesty was best. She didn't trust that her half-sister was telling the truth, but she didn't exactly have much to be honest about. "I'm running off rumours too. I would be there right now, but this family thing came up."
"Bless it. I was hoping you knew something. This whole business is causing widespread instability in the dark futures market. I'm having to work over the Silver Pentagram when I should be on vacation. Oh well, at least Mother isn't forcing all of us to attend one of her parties."
"Oh?"
"They're so dull and traditional."
Kirche nodded sympathetically. "I know the feeling. I sometimes think Mother got our Silver Pentacle gatherings out of a book about the Hundred Most Boring Family Gatherings."
"I know! Orgies and the ravening theft of the souls of mortal cultists are, like, so played out!"
She had to work one step at a time, Kirche reminded herself. She couldn't expect her evil succubus half-sister to make redemption easy. If the road to the Abyss was paved with good intentions, that meant that the road from the Abyss was also paved with good intentions and so good intentions could get you going in either direction. And since Izah'belya was already a denizen of the deepest pits of the Realms Infernal…
"I'll tell you what," she said. "We can meet up and exchange our gifts in a month or so. And then we'll share everything we can find out about what happened in Amstelredamme."
"Hmm. Sounds pretty bad to me. Anyway, call me when you're away from the de la Vallière place. They're a dangerous family and either way I don't want them knowing you're talking to me."
"Got it. Yeah, that wouldn't be helpful. Talk with you later, then." Kirche touched the magic mirror again, and put it away in her pouch.
"What wouldn't be helpful?" a very smug voice said from directly behind her.
Kirche whirled, a fireball dancing at the tip of her raised wand. In the long shadows behind her, a pair of spectacles reflected the light. Breathing heavily, she lowered her wand, but didn't put it away. "You shouldn't be here."
"In my own house?" Eleanore stepped forward. "Possession of Abyssal artefacts like that mirror of yours is forbidden by Church law and civil law alike."
"Possession of unsanctified artefacts," Kirche countered. "I dunked it in holy water, dried it out in salt, and had a priest bless it."
"Really?"
"Yes!" She might not have told the priest what it was that he was blessing, but she certainly had it blessed. And what did it matter that the dropping in holy water had been an accident? "And what are you doing here?"
"When people skulk around listening at doors, I get very curious indeed." Eleanore crossed her arms. "You and your mother made quite a noise outside the door."
"That was her fault," Kirche said, pulling a face. "I was listening fine before that."
"... no apologies?"
"What for?"
Eleanore sniffed haughtily. "Just what I'd expect of your family." She looked down her nose at Kirche, a gesture which was slightly handicapped by how the younger woman was taller than her. "And now you're looking for information on what happened in Amstelredamme. On the behalf of a demon, I might add."
"I think she knows more about what happened there than I do, and if we know what the Abyss was planning there, we can stop them!"
"Hmm." Eleanore took another step forwards and adjusted her thick glasses. "Perhaps we can make a deal of our own."
"Hey, Kirche, what's…" Danny turned the corner. "What're you two doing all the way back here in the dark?"
"Run along, child," Eleanore said, making shooing motions. "The grown-ups are talking."
"No, stay," Kirche said out of pure contrary spite. Danny stuck his tongue out at Eleanore. "What would I need from you?"
"Temper, temper. I was in Amstelredamme. I know a lot more about what happened there than you do. You should probably treat me nicely if you want to know about what happened there."
"You were there?" Danny asked enthusiastically, scooting up close. "What went on? I heard the Madame de Montespan got dragged away by demons and they ate her and crunched up her bones!"
"Weren't you in jail?" Kirche asked bluntly, ignoring her brother's enthusiastic imagination.
"False charges," Eleanore said. She raised her eyebrows. "Don't tell me that you haven't been thrown in jail by someone who didn't want you sticking your nose into things?"
"Well, I have, but not in years. Not since I teamed up with Tabitha, in fact."
"Oh?"
"She happens to people who try to arrest us."
"Happens to do what?"
"No, no," Kirche said, shaking her head. "She happens."
"People die when Tabitha happens," Danny said, wrapping his arms around himself. In the dim light, he was a little paler than usual.
"Yeah, she's pretty great like that," Kirche agreed. "It's, like, quite a thing to watch."
"Fascinating," Eleanore said, her tone indicating that she thought it was anything but. "But I don't care. Here's the deal. I know what happened in Amstelredamme. In return, I want something. I've discovered the possibility that the Abyss might seek to tear the world apart. I'll help you with your Amstelredamme problem if you help me investigate this and discover if this danger truly exists."
"If it's a threat, why not just tell someone?" Danny demanded.
Eleanore's eyebrows fluted upwards. "I am telling the leader of one of the most reputed band of young heroes in Halkeginia. Who else do you want me to tell?"
"... um. Well, uh… what about your royals and stuff?"
"The queen is weak-minded, and the Regency Council had me arrested for six months on false charges - and one of their members was possessed by a demon and no one noticed," Eleanore said sharply. "I'm sorry, I'd rather avoid the Abyss discovering that I'm investigating the possibility that they're plotting such a thing. Not least because if this isn't actually real, letting them know will just give them ideas. And no one wants that."
Kirche leaned back against the wall, eyes alert and narrow. "Hmm. You want to know what I think about you?" she asked Eleanore.
"Well, not particularly, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."
"I think you're a de la Vallière - and not a zero-talent failure like Louise, a real one. I think you're cunning, treacherous, ambitious, and you think you're better than everyone else."
"Your point is?" Eleanore said, one eyebrow raised.
"... aren't you going to deny it?"
"I'm quite aware of my vices, thank you very much. I know pride is a weakness of mine." Eleanore leaned forwards. "Are you aware of your vices? Where will you fail, Kirche, when the moment comes?"
Kirche laughed. "Oh dear. You're playing that kind of stupid game with me. I'm not like you. I don't have hundreds of years of evil ancestors in my bloodline. Most people don't have a constant pressing force of darkness within them leading them into sin. And, you know, we aren't big huge bitches with a thing for sneaking up behind people in the shadows and offering them shady deals."
"Naïve." Eleanore's words were cutting. "You know very well that the von Zerbsts have eloped with de la Vallière white eggs before, just like we've married your black eggs - and even if that wasn't true, you don't need a heritage like mine to fall because of your weaknesses. It just makes things easier. How do you…"
"Who do you think you are, to lecture Kirche like that?" Danny demanded.
Eleanore sighed. "I was trying to provide sage advice from an older, more experienced heroine," she said acidly. "Maybe even assume something of a mentorly role to avoid you repeating my mistakes - of which there were many. And on that note, Kirche, your little brother is a firebrand and a hothead who's going to get himself into trouble."
"Yeah, already knew that. He does get himself into trouble on a regular basis," Kirche yawned.
"Kirche!"
"Danny, it's true. Last week you punched a mercenary captain twice your weight because he spilled your drink. And you," she said to Eleanore while Danny muttered about how the man'd had it coming, "are you going to keep on going on?"
Opening her mouth, Eleanore seemed on the edge of a cutting retort. Then she deliberately took a deep breath. "No. You know what? I am trying to be a better person. I'm not going to negotiate for a deal or try to blackmail you into helping me save the world from the Abyss. I'm just going to ask nicely." Her lips curled up and her brows furrowed, as if she had something bitter in her mouth. "Please?" she tried.
"You could try sounding more sincere," Kirche said thoughtfully.
"Pretty… pl-please?"
"Now you just sound sarcastic."
"Look, do you want the bloody information or not?" Eleanore demanded, having worn through her diminutive stores of patience.
"Bloody information? Who did you murder to—"
"I can't believe it! I very much can't believe it! You are literally more willing to negotiate with a demon than talk to me about saving the world! You're not even accepting the information to evaluate it on its own terms!"
"Well, yes." Kirche smirked. "Demons are more trustworthy than de la Vallières."
"And there comes the darn von Zerbst compulsion to get the last word in!" Eleanore stormed off. She turned. "Your pride will get you in time. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience," she added bitterly.
Eleanore had got down two more twisting corridors when she heard the patter of feet behind her. She turned, and then looked down to see Danny.
"Look, Kirche is just being a butt because she doesn't want to be here," Danny said frankly. "She wants to be with her friends. How about you tell me instead?"
"You're twelve,"
"Thirteen! And I'm on the team too! At least when I can get away from school and the nannies Mother sends after me to track me down!"
Eleanore sighed. She really did have no better option - and father had said she had a long, hard path of unlearning certain habits. "I can't believe I'm reduced to this… but very well. I'm going to trust you with this."
Danny grinned, jamming his hands in his pockets before he frowned. "But why aren't you telling your parents, then?"
"I have. And it's… complicated," Eleanore said, spreading her hands. "Just before you arrived, I got in a flaming row with my mother because… well, she didn't like some of the things I said. She stormed out – and when my mother storms out of a place, we're not talking metaphorically. It was literally a storm. I'm afraid most of the time I've spent around her in the past decade has usually ended up in arguments, but this was worse than usual. And that's saying something. And Father is naturally cautious. He doesn't like rushing into things."
"And you're not cautious?"
Eleanore smiled wryly. "I am my mother's daughter as well as my father's. Why do you think I'm telling you these things?"
"You know," Danny said, thoughtfully, "I don't think you're as bad as Kirche says you are."
"Ah. So I'm worse."
"You're funny," Danny said with a giggle that he hastily tried to convert into a manly chuckle. "And," his ears popped. "Did you just feel that?"
"The sudden change in atmospheric pressure?" Eleanore said drily. "Yes. It means Mother is back. And still hasn't calmed down." She took a deep breath. "I suppose I ought to be a dutiful daughter and present myself."
"Why're you like this? Your mother's awesome," Danny insisted.
"Oh, she very much is. She is awesome. She is worthy of awe. I am in awe of her – and have lived my entire life with the people who don't see me as another de la Vallière monster instead seeing me as just 'Karin's daughter'. They look at me and want me to be her – and I can't do that. Do you know what it's like to know you'll never be the equal of your famous parent?"
Danny looked at her flatly. "Yes. What's your point? And for that matter, do you know what it's like to know you'll never be the equal of your big sister?"
With an unexpected giggle, Eleanore conceded the point. "Very well. You probably do understand, then."
Squaring his jaw, Danny jammed his hands in his pockets. "Tell you what, actually. You said you want this stuff about the plans of the Abyss to be looked into. But there's two things I want from you. 'Cause I can see you're like Kirche and you hate being given things without feeling like you've earned it."
"What are you asking for?"
"You used to be a hero, didn't you? And you were talking about how you were trying to be all mentor-y to Kirche, but she's too pig-headed to listen to you. Well, give me some training then. You get to pass on stuff – and also we have an excuse to talk – and I get someone helping me get stronger."
"Hmm." Eleanore looked Danny up and down. "I'm not a nice person. I won't make it easy."
"Look, I get what time I can grab with Dad, and what the others pass on and what I can teach myself," Danny said bluntly. "Kirche gets the personal time with him. Maybe he'll pay more attention to me if I can stand out from the others. I'm not looking for easy. I'm looking for what works."
"That's an attitude I can get behind. What's the other thing?"
Blushing, Danny looked away. "I… forget about it. It's… it's just one thing. We… I just want to get stronger."
Eleanore's brow wrinkled as she evaluated Danny. "You're a little troublemaker. You're a hothead with a short temper. You rush into things and get yourself into trouble. You idolise your parent, but don't feel you can be what they want you to be. You also feel stuck in your eldest sister's shadow, and want to be her equal – even though you love her."
"D-does that mean no?"
"No, it means 'yes'. And also 'never ask why it means yes'."
"Yaaaay! Oh Founder this is going to be so cool! You're going to teach me blade tricks and how to pick locks properly and lots of new kinds of spells and we're going to train and train and train until I hit triangle rank and we can go hunt goblins and orcs and trolls and dragons and even more goblins and…"
Eleanore's smile had a hint of melancholy in it. "You remind me of someone. Someone I knew when I was younger. Just promise you'll never make a pact with the forces of Evil."
Part 1 – Red
…
A coach carrying the von Zerbst family made its way along a narrow snow-choked road, under the light of the twin moons. It was followed by a coach carrying more of the von Zerbst family, then another coach which carried the family members who couldn't fit into the first two vehicles.
Kirche sighed, and stared out of the window at the flakes of snow drifting down from the sky. The de la Vallière estate was painted white by the weather. Ice choked the fishing lakes, while the tall and narrow pine trees creaked under the weight of their snow-laden boughs.
The markgraf thought it wise to keep up with the neighbours, officially because they were ancestral foes but mostly because he wanted to brag to the duchess of the de la Vallières about certain accomplishments of his in the past year. Of course, unfortunately that meant he had to stay still in a closed space for extended periods, and his patience was wearing thin.
Kirche, for her part, was trying to ignore her father's leg-tapping and occasional bellows of "Are we there yet?" at the coachman.
"Don't ruffle your velvet, and sit still, my love," said his wife.
"No one tells me what to do, woman!" Blitzhart snapped reflexively, but he complied.
"And Kirche, dear, could you look a teeny weeny little bit less bored? I know you'd rather be out doing… rough and tumble things, but family is important."
"Yeah, Kirche," Lucien sneered.
"Luci, sweetie, be nice to your older," she glanced quickly at her sullen husband, "sibling."
Francesca Juliet Helen Georgia Phosphene von Zerbst had to be at least forty, but only the faintest lines on her brow marked the passage of the years. Her mass of pale blonde hair was pinned up in an elegant hairstyle, while her dress was a little risque for a woman her age but clearly pleased her husband. Once again, she was heavily pregnant. Kirche was darkly sure that her family would have been bankrupted by how many children her parents had were it not for the von Zerbst fortune born of generations of heroic looting. And her mother had been wealthy before her marriage too.
Many people had wondered what kind of a person could capture Blitzhart von Zerbst in holy matrimony. As it turned out, it had taken one of the great beauties of Germania, aided amply by her status as a massively wealthy heiress who had inherited the fortune left to her by her demon-murdered family. Blitzhart had rescued her from the Abyss itself after she was snatched away by the force of darkness, wedding bells had rung out, and Kirche had been born six months later. She was a reclusive and shy woman who spent much of her time on pilgrimage, overshadowed entirely by her irrepressible husband and sizable brood of rambunctious children.
"Oh!" Kirche said suddenly. "We're just coming up to the ravine with the giant skull carved into the walls. We're nearly there, father!"
"What? We're already past the ruins of the Fortress of Impaling?"
"I must have missed it in the snow. That, or the de la Vallières have finally got around to removing the spikes."
And indeed, it was only a few minutes before the convoy of coaches was pulling up in front of the estate. Golden light streamed out of the lit windows, though most of the complex was dark. Blitzhart burst out of the coach, nearly tearing the door from the hinges, and dashed up to the door, hammering on it with one meaty fist.
"Oi, dukey! Let us in! It's bloody freezing out here."
"Help your mother out of the coach, my darling," Kirche's mother commanded her. "And then, if you wouldn't mind, herd up the others. And do try to stop anyone from running off."
It took some corralling of little red-haired hellions and the occasional levitation spell, but eventually the von Zerbsts were assembled. The grand doors to the de la Vallière household swung open, with an exaggerated creak.
A tall figure was standing in the shadows. His monocle somehow caught the light, reflecting it even as the rest of his face was shaded. His high-collared mantle was of an archaic cut; his blond hair was elegantly cut, yet the product of an older time.
"Welcome to my household," he said in a soft voice that seemed like it should have come from a much smaller man. "Please, come in and-"
"Ah, Centurion, you old dog! I see your moustache is still growing! Bet your wife likes it - and she'd like it more if it was as big as mine! Rrrrawwrr!"
Stepping out of the shadows, the duke's moustache twitched. "Blitzhart," he said flatly.
"That's my name! And you all know what my game is! Rrrawrr! Good to see you, my man! I see that stick up your butt is still poking into your tonsils!" He stepped up to the duke, offering his hand, but when he went to take it Blitzhart reached around to slap him on the bottom. "And you haven't let yourself go! Always knew you were a tight-arse! Great thing for a rival! Not an arch-rival, of course - that's your wife! Where is the lethal lady herself, anyway?!"
A little muscle under the duke's right eye spasmed. "My beloved wife was feeling a little shut-in from the weather. When news of a giant squid on the north coast came in, she decided to get out of the house. She should be back soon."
"A squid! What the blazes! Why didn't anyone tell me this! I might be able to make it," Blitzhart said, checking his pocket watch. He turned on his heel, and was about to march out the door when his wife caught his sleeve.
"Dear," Francesca said. "You'll miss the meal, and I doubt you could make it there before dear sweet Karina kills a mere squid."
"That's true, but…"
"I dare say it's not even a worthy enemy for you. Not worth going out in the cold for," she pressed.
"Quite so," the duke said. "I dare say Karina will be back soon enough, when she's let off a little steam, but my daughter will be taking her place."
"Ha! So your sickly little girl has got well enough to attend one of our dinners! Good to hear that! I hear rumours she's quite the beauty and is unmarried! Rrawrrr!"
The duke's eye muscle twitched again. "Not that daughter. I m-"
"What, you mean she's turned up? What's her name, Kirche? Your rival!"
"Louise?" Kirche asked, shocked.
"No," the duke said, mouth a thin line. "I mean Eleanore."
"Oh." Blitzhart looked momentarily nonplussed. "Are you feeling well, old chap? Do you remember what happened last time she was allowed to host a dinner?"
"I do. Lord and Founder, I do. But I've talked with her and she's promised that she's not planning to run anyone through in a duel."
"Ha! She can duel me any time she likes! I'd run..."
"Yes, yes," the duke said tetchily, before the inevitable innuendo made its appearance; doubly so because it would be about his eldest daughter. "Why don't you come inside?"
"I'd love to!" Francesca said with a tinkling laugh. "The weather has been so awful recently! I hate it when it's this cold! I'm so prone to catching chills! I nearly was too ill to travel, and I've just had this cough that wouldn't clear until I went to pray in Roma. And on top of that I'm pregnant again which is leaving me tired all the time and…"
Kirche sighed, and wished she had earplugs. Spending time around her mother was literally hellish, or at least figuratively literally hellish. Why couldn't she be in Amstelredamme like the others, rather than being caught between de la Vallières on one side and her mother's stream-of-consciousness chatter on the other?
…
"Thank God for me!" Blitzhart slammed his hand down on the table, roaring with laughter. "And don't you just know it, that's what the nun said!"
This dining hall was much warmer than the coaches, and whatever legendary feasts of the blood of the living that may hypothetically have occurred here in the past were long forgotten. The von Zerbst side of the table was packed, with the smaller children needing to be put on a secondary table due to lack of space. By contrast, the de la Vallière side of the grand table had only two people sitting there, and they were slightly further apart from one another than was traditional.
Blitzhart was enjoying the aperitifs, even if they were meant to be drunk from rather smaller drinking vessels than the one he was using. He certainly hadn't noticed the tensions on the other side of the table, but Kirche had. She decided that the de la Vallières were like cats. That is to say, they were a bunch of vicious killers who just happened to be good at looking pretty and so people let them into their homes. Admittedly that had been after a study of her family's history books and Louise de la Vallière had comprehensively failed to live up to the whole 'vicious killer' thing when they had actually met, but she had made up for it in being small, cute, and utterly ridiculous while not quite realising how silly she was. And also getting very angry when she got caught in a sudden rainstorm.
What had happened to her was such a shame.
"How is little Cattleya doing?" Francesca asked, conversationally. "I haven't seen her in so long. Why not invite her down for drinks, at least? Surely that would be pleasant, even if she doesn't drink wine."
"Cattleya is on a constitutional trip to Romalia, for the sake of her health," the duke said, without blinking. "She gets so cold in winter with her poor circulation, and so close to the Great North Sea the winds are too damp for her."
"I was in Romalia this summer," Kirche agreed. "Someone we rescued let us stay in his villa for a few weeks. It was very relaxing, right until a mountain nearly tore itself apart."
"That's one way of putting it," Danny muttered from further down the table. To his disgust, he was sitting with the younger children and had only been allowed apple juice. He was sulking.
"Oh yes. I just hate it when a mountain tears itself apart," the woman sitting opposite to Kirche drawled. Kirche glared at her. Eleanore de la Vallière stared back, eyes hidden by the light reflecting off her spectacles. Her lips were quirked up in a tiny smug smile, although Kirche was of the opinion that that was just her default expression. Eleanore was far less amusing than her youngest sister. She was eight years older than Kirche, and probably hadn't even had a single evil step-sibling try to murder her for inheritance.
"Something you wanted to say?" Eleanore said, a slightly sardonic note in her voice. "You looked like you were about to expand on the topic. Perhaps you were going to contribute to your father's marvellous and fascinating tales?"
"Eleanore…" the duke said warningly.
"Oh, no, I'm being quite honest here. I haven't heard stories like that in years. I had thought that the giant sandsnakes of the Rub' al Khali were quite gone. A few years back, I was part of an expedition that touched the very edge of elven lands looking for them. There wasn't a trace. Some thought they were extinct."
"Ha! They are now! I guess you just weren't trying hard enough to find them!" Blitzhart bellowed. "Count another point for me! Hurrah!" His cheer was matched by a cheer from his many children.
"My goodness," Eleanore said softly, one eyebrow raising. "And what of you, Kirche? What have you done recently? What glorious stories of heroism are you bringing here to this winter feast?"
Kirche sat back in her chair, wineglass held in one hand. She resisted the urge to down it, even though she was feeling far too sober to be dealing with a de la Vallière quite as catty as this one. "Oh, you know," she said, deliberately slowly. "One thing and the next. Saving a Gallian duc, killing an evil cardinal in Romalia…"
"And there was that man who was way too fond of bears! Me and Guiche killed him!" Danny chipped in from down the table. "Then the land tore itself apart and we saw the Abyss!"
Eleanore played with her napkin, carefully pleating the edge. "You've become quite the little hero," she said to Kirche. "We should talk after the meal. Share some stories, and the like. I did the same when I was at the Academy. I would be fascinated to hear from a first-hand experience of one of these Abyssal rifts. My knowledge of them is sadly limited, but I fear the forces of Darkness may be plotting."
"Could we please not have such talk when we're soon to be eating?" Francesca asked, looking queasy.
"Do you really think the constant and ever-present threat of the Abyss will disappear if we pretend it doesn't exist?" Eleanore demanded, leaning forwards.
"I just think that so much blood and guts is the sort of thing that—"
"Harumph. No, I think now is a perfectly good time to discuss such things."
"Eleanore!" the duke said sharply.
With an obvious sign of effort, Eleanore bit back whatever she was about to say next. "I do so apologise for my manners," she said, her tone sickly sweet. "It was so… unfeminine of me."
"Ha! Keep on acting like that, then!" Blitzhart said, raising his pitcher of fine white wine. "Good girl you've got there, Centy! Be better if she was a boy, but she's trying her best with her female limitations! Not as good as Kirche, though! That's m'boy!"
Eleanore opened her mouth, eyes flashing.
"No," said the duke.
"But…" Eleanore began.
"No."
…
As Kirche was a well-known hero of repute, she always kept an eye out for people planning things at dinners and parties. The last thing she wanted was to get locked in another mansion trying to find which of the guests had murdered their host with a dagger in the library. Last time that'd happened they'd never caught the suspect, even though Tabitha had been trying her hardest to help them.
And so of course she noticed the de la Vallières sneaking off and followed them. What else was she meant to do? Kneeling down, she pressed her ear to the locked door to listen.
"Founder," Eleanore groaned, her voice muffled through the door. "Why did I subject myself to this? That was just the aperitifs. There's six courses of him to go."
"You subjected yourself to this by arguing with your mother as soon as you arrived home," the duke said, barely audible.
"I had good reason! She-"
"You have no one to blame for this but yourself. You are my eldest daughter, and part of that means you are obliged to maintain your family's position. You are going to sit through all of this without insulting him. No matter how much you want to." He sighed. "I certainly want to, sometimes."
"You?"
"I understand he's a bore, a pig, and not half as funny as he thinks he is. He still calls me Centurion, and I haven't used that nomme de guerre in decades," the duke said wearily. "He is a very trying man. But you will be duchess someday, Eleanore, and part of being duchess is putting up with trying people without running them through or having their lands sacked and their peasants impaled."
"I am trying," Eleanore said more softly. "I really am."
"Yes, I do see that. I've known you are a trying girl for years. Unfortunately, he's very trying too."
Eleanore's sigh was audible even from the door. "Really, father?"
"If you feed me such a line, how can I resist?"
"Please do."
"But just think of it this way - only a few more hours of Blitzhart, and then we won't have to see any of him for months. At least you're here to commiserate with. Your mother finds him amusing, God only knows why. Possibly a mild case of hearing damage from overuse of lightning magic, so he isn't quite so loud for her."
"Mother is… Mother." Eleanore paused. "Father, I do believe that he needs to know about…"
"No. I need to think about how we're going to address it. It may be a ploy by the forces of Darkness. He's a loose cannon. And easily manipulated if you present a nice obvious threat in the opposite direction, or a pretty woman. With the sensitive political situation here - especially with the revelation that little Francoise-Athenais was possessed by a dark angel - this may be a plan by the overlady to throw Tristain into further chaos by having him rampage around like a drunken bull."
"But…"
"Kirche!" Her mother had somehow crept up on her while she was focussing on the de la Vallières, and was glaring down at her, looking very disappointed. "What are you doing?"
"Shhh," Kirche whispered, finger to her lips. "I'm listening in at the door."
"Well, I never!" Francesca said, pulling her by the arm. "That is so ill-mannered, darling!"
"Pfft. I'm just doing what Dad does."
Francesca sighed wearily. "Kirche, darling," she said, "you are being very difficult. Can you at least please try to be a little more polite? I do realise that your father sets a certain example to you, but could you try to be more lady-like? Like me, perhaps?"
Kirche's eyes hardened, but she forced herself to smile. "Why, I quite apologise for my behaviour, mother," she said floridly. "I am quite beside myself with shame."
"Kirche! Such manners ill befit you!" Her mother's lip wobbled, even as she pulled Kirche away from the interesting conversation on the other side of the door. "There is no need to act like that disgusting de la Vallière girl just because we are in their household."
That was hurtful. "I am not acting like her!"
"Oh yes you are. De la Vallière woman have no respect for what should be done. They're so rude. Why, I remember her grandmother."
Kirche blinked. "Wait, what?"
"Oh, darling, did I not tell you this story? When I was much younger, she dragged me from my home and imprisoned me. She had some frightfully wicked plan to drain all my blood and steal my life energy and use it to become immortal. Fortunately, a young heroic knight was also imprisoned along with me, and he managed to fight his way out and free me."
"Wait, that was how you met Dad?"
Francesca laughed. "Oh, my, no. Darling, lots of men used to try to imprison me before I met your father. It's one of the dangers of being an heiress. This was before all that." She sighed. "It was a shame what happened to that poor boy. I might have married him instead of your father, but that de la Vallière woman had stolen most of his blood and he died in my arms not long after we escaped."
Straightening up, Kirche looked down at her mother. "I'm an heiress and I don't get kidnapped."
"That would be because of your father's influence, sweetie. That and the fact that much of Germania thinks you're a boy and so doesn't think to try to imprison you. But your father's wishes for you are a jail even more confining than any prison. I wish you could live as you're meant to be, darling, I really do. You're not meant to be trapped by his expectations. Someday I hope you'll see that."
Yanking her hand free, Kirche took a deep breath. "I've told you a thousand times before. I don't want that. I'd prefer that people think I'm a man than be reduced to some… some fainting lambling who, like, sits around waiting to be rescued. Well, fuck that. I'd rather live in Dad's expectations than yours."
"You don't respect me," Francesca said in a tiny voice. Kirche didn't reply, but her expression said everything. "You don't need to be so coarse or try to act like a man to earn respect. There are more feminine ways of influencing people."
Kirche snorted. "What, sitting around hoping to be married well? Being the trophy of some man much older than me? Oh, or being taken captive by some villain and hoping you get on well with whatever muscled thug rescues you?"
"It worked out for me and your father."
"That's you. Not me." Kirche turned on her heel and walked back to the light and noise of the main hall, leaving her mother standing in her shadow.
…
The meal at the de la Vallière estate was excellent, even if the von Zerbsts present were contractually obliged to feel that it was not as good as they got at home. After that, the gentlemen, Kirche included, retreated to the Duke's reading room to talk about manly things. However, for some reason the Duke de la Vallière seemed somewhat unwilling to do that with her around and thus most of the conversation consisted of Blitzhart's complaining that Karin still wasn't back and his bragging.
Kirche was occupied with maintaining an expression of rapt fascination as her father went on about a dragon he'd taken down - "You should have seen what she looked like in human form! Didn't believe in human clothing, rrrawrrr!" - when she felt her belt purse shudder. Something inside it was moving, as if it was a living thing.
"Excuse me. I just need a breath of fresh air," she said brightly.
"Oh yes, feel free, please do," the duke said quickly. His expression was more than a little mortified.
Shaking her head, Kirche stepped outside. Tristainians were a repressed people. Louise must've got her more-than-usual levels of repression from her father. She paced down dark corridors until she felt she was far enough away from any listeners. The tapestries on the walls depicted de la Vallières impaling peasants on spikes, while bloodless aristocrats sneered down from the paintings on the walls.
Reaching into her belt purse, she pulled out a small hand-mirror about the size of her palm, and flipped it open. Cupping it in her hand, she traced an occult symbol on the front. The surface of the mirror ceased to reflect her own face. Instead, Izah'belya stared out of it. "Well, honestly," she said tetchily. "It took you ages to pick up."
"I was busy," Kirche told her evil demonic succubus half-sister. Despite the rather substantial moral difference between them, the two had found they actually got on very well once Izah'belya had reached out to her. Yes, Kirche was fairly sure she was trying to corrupt her and had only made contact for that purpose, but in her defence Kirche had her eyes set on redeeming her half-sister and wasn't prepared to lose to her. Turn-around was fair play, after all.
"Where are you? Unholy cow, I've never got a signal as strong to the surface world! You must be close to a force of terrible and maleficent Evil!"
Kirche frowned. "No. We're just on a family trip to see the neighbours. What could be…" She slapped herself in the forehead as she realised how stupid she was being. "Oh. Right. The neighbours are the de la Vallières, and I'm on their estate right now."
Izah'belya paled, smiling nervously. "The de la Vallières… if you're busy, I can go." She swallowed. "I don't want the Karin finding out about this. I heard that she can smell fear – and that it smells like chocolate to her."
"Nah, she's actually pretty nice," Kirche said with a shrug. "A bit proper, but she's totally more normal than Dad. Who, uh, considers her to be his arch-rival." She caught the stare that her half-sister was directing at her. "Don't look at me like I'm crazy. One of the advantages of not being an evil demon is the fact that you can talk to Karina de la Vallière without her trying to kill you. Plus, she's not even here right now. She's off killing a giant squid on the coastline."
"Oh, thank the dark gods," Izah'belya breathed. "So, uh. Merry Silver Pentagram, by the way."
"Silver Pentacle."
"Silver Pentagram. I got you a present, foolish hero, but you'll need to come to my lair to embrace the gifts of Hell."
Kirche shook her head. "Nuh uh. I got you a present too, vile demon. But you're not getting it unless you meet me on sacred ground to repent your sins."
With a sigh, Izah'belya ran her hands through her hair. "Whatever. Fine. Let's just do lunch around the New Year and we can hand things over."
"That's good for me," Kirche agreed. "Is that all?"
"No, I… look. Let's cut the crap and just be open with each other. I know it's against both of our religions, but it'll be over way quicker if we don't have to stop and, like, call each other 'vile demon' or 'wretched hero' and that reduces the chance of the Karin coming back unexpectedly." Izah'belya's image took a deep breath. "What do you know about what happened in Amstelredamme?"
That was a shock. "Why are you asking me? That was the forces of Evil."
"Yes, but it wasn't my subset of the forces of Evil and no one seems to know exactly what went on. Plus, rumours are going on that a mysterious unicorn-riding heroine showed up and slew Baelogji after she betrayed and stole the power of Athe the Disbeliever. Know anything about that?"
Leaning against the wall, Kirche considered what to say. She decided honesty was best. She didn't trust that her half-sister was telling the truth, but she didn't exactly have much to be honest about. "I'm running off rumours too. I would be there right now, but this family thing came up."
"Bless it. I was hoping you knew something. This whole business is causing widespread instability in the dark futures market. I'm having to work over the Silver Pentagram when I should be on vacation. Oh well, at least Mother isn't forcing all of us to attend one of her parties."
"Oh?"
"They're so dull and traditional."
Kirche nodded sympathetically. "I know the feeling. I sometimes think Mother got our Silver Pentacle gatherings out of a book about the Hundred Most Boring Family Gatherings."
"I know! Orgies and the ravening theft of the souls of mortal cultists are, like, so played out!"
She had to work one step at a time, Kirche reminded herself. She couldn't expect her evil succubus half-sister to make redemption easy. If the road to the Abyss was paved with good intentions, that meant that the road from the Abyss was also paved with good intentions and so good intentions could get you going in either direction. And since Izah'belya was already a denizen of the deepest pits of the Realms Infernal…
"I'll tell you what," she said. "We can meet up and exchange our gifts in a month or so. And then we'll share everything we can find out about what happened in Amstelredamme."
"Hmm. Sounds pretty bad to me. Anyway, call me when you're away from the de la Vallière place. They're a dangerous family and either way I don't want them knowing you're talking to me."
"Got it. Yeah, that wouldn't be helpful. Talk with you later, then." Kirche touched the magic mirror again, and put it away in her pouch.
"What wouldn't be helpful?" a very smug voice said from directly behind her.
Kirche whirled, a fireball dancing at the tip of her raised wand. In the long shadows behind her, a pair of spectacles reflected the light. Breathing heavily, she lowered her wand, but didn't put it away. "You shouldn't be here."
"In my own house?" Eleanore stepped forward. "Possession of Abyssal artefacts like that mirror of yours is forbidden by Church law and civil law alike."
"Possession of unsanctified artefacts," Kirche countered. "I dunked it in holy water, dried it out in salt, and had a priest bless it."
"Really?"
"Yes!" She might not have told the priest what it was that he was blessing, but she certainly had it blessed. And what did it matter that the dropping in holy water had been an accident? "And what are you doing here?"
"When people skulk around listening at doors, I get very curious indeed." Eleanore crossed her arms. "You and your mother made quite a noise outside the door."
"That was her fault," Kirche said, pulling a face. "I was listening fine before that."
"... no apologies?"
"What for?"
Eleanore sniffed haughtily. "Just what I'd expect of your family." She looked down her nose at Kirche, a gesture which was slightly handicapped by how the younger woman was taller than her. "And now you're looking for information on what happened in Amstelredamme. On the behalf of a demon, I might add."
"I think she knows more about what happened there than I do, and if we know what the Abyss was planning there, we can stop them!"
"Hmm." Eleanore took another step forwards and adjusted her thick glasses. "Perhaps we can make a deal of our own."
"Hey, Kirche, what's…" Danny turned the corner. "What're you two doing all the way back here in the dark?"
"Run along, child," Eleanore said, making shooing motions. "The grown-ups are talking."
"No, stay," Kirche said out of pure contrary spite. Danny stuck his tongue out at Eleanore. "What would I need from you?"
"Temper, temper. I was in Amstelredamme. I know a lot more about what happened there than you do. You should probably treat me nicely if you want to know about what happened there."
"You were there?" Danny asked enthusiastically, scooting up close. "What went on? I heard the Madame de Montespan got dragged away by demons and they ate her and crunched up her bones!"
"Weren't you in jail?" Kirche asked bluntly, ignoring her brother's enthusiastic imagination.
"False charges," Eleanore said. She raised her eyebrows. "Don't tell me that you haven't been thrown in jail by someone who didn't want you sticking your nose into things?"
"Well, I have, but not in years. Not since I teamed up with Tabitha, in fact."
"Oh?"
"She happens to people who try to arrest us."
"Happens to do what?"
"No, no," Kirche said, shaking her head. "She happens."
"People die when Tabitha happens," Danny said, wrapping his arms around himself. In the dim light, he was a little paler than usual.
"Yeah, she's pretty great like that," Kirche agreed. "It's, like, quite a thing to watch."
"Fascinating," Eleanore said, her tone indicating that she thought it was anything but. "But I don't care. Here's the deal. I know what happened in Amstelredamme. In return, I want something. I've discovered the possibility that the Abyss might seek to tear the world apart. I'll help you with your Amstelredamme problem if you help me investigate this and discover if this danger truly exists."
"If it's a threat, why not just tell someone?" Danny demanded.
Eleanore's eyebrows fluted upwards. "I am telling the leader of one of the most reputed band of young heroes in Halkeginia. Who else do you want me to tell?"
"... um. Well, uh… what about your royals and stuff?"
"The queen is weak-minded, and the Regency Council had me arrested for six months on false charges - and one of their members was possessed by a demon and no one noticed," Eleanore said sharply. "I'm sorry, I'd rather avoid the Abyss discovering that I'm investigating the possibility that they're plotting such a thing. Not least because if this isn't actually real, letting them know will just give them ideas. And no one wants that."
Kirche leaned back against the wall, eyes alert and narrow. "Hmm. You want to know what I think about you?" she asked Eleanore.
"Well, not particularly, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."
"I think you're a de la Vallière - and not a zero-talent failure like Louise, a real one. I think you're cunning, treacherous, ambitious, and you think you're better than everyone else."
"Your point is?" Eleanore said, one eyebrow raised.
"... aren't you going to deny it?"
"I'm quite aware of my vices, thank you very much. I know pride is a weakness of mine." Eleanore leaned forwards. "Are you aware of your vices? Where will you fail, Kirche, when the moment comes?"
Kirche laughed. "Oh dear. You're playing that kind of stupid game with me. I'm not like you. I don't have hundreds of years of evil ancestors in my bloodline. Most people don't have a constant pressing force of darkness within them leading them into sin. And, you know, we aren't big huge bitches with a thing for sneaking up behind people in the shadows and offering them shady deals."
"Naïve." Eleanore's words were cutting. "You know very well that the von Zerbsts have eloped with de la Vallière white eggs before, just like we've married your black eggs - and even if that wasn't true, you don't need a heritage like mine to fall because of your weaknesses. It just makes things easier. How do you…"
"Who do you think you are, to lecture Kirche like that?" Danny demanded.
Eleanore sighed. "I was trying to provide sage advice from an older, more experienced heroine," she said acidly. "Maybe even assume something of a mentorly role to avoid you repeating my mistakes - of which there were many. And on that note, Kirche, your little brother is a firebrand and a hothead who's going to get himself into trouble."
"Yeah, already knew that. He does get himself into trouble on a regular basis," Kirche yawned.
"Kirche!"
"Danny, it's true. Last week you punched a mercenary captain twice your weight because he spilled your drink. And you," she said to Eleanore while Danny muttered about how the man'd had it coming, "are you going to keep on going on?"
Opening her mouth, Eleanore seemed on the edge of a cutting retort. Then she deliberately took a deep breath. "No. You know what? I am trying to be a better person. I'm not going to negotiate for a deal or try to blackmail you into helping me save the world from the Abyss. I'm just going to ask nicely." Her lips curled up and her brows furrowed, as if she had something bitter in her mouth. "Please?" she tried.
"You could try sounding more sincere," Kirche said thoughtfully.
"Pretty… pl-please?"
"Now you just sound sarcastic."
"Look, do you want the bloody information or not?" Eleanore demanded, having worn through her diminutive stores of patience.
"Bloody information? Who did you murder to—"
"I can't believe it! I very much can't believe it! You are literally more willing to negotiate with a demon than talk to me about saving the world! You're not even accepting the information to evaluate it on its own terms!"
"Well, yes." Kirche smirked. "Demons are more trustworthy than de la Vallières."
"And there comes the darn von Zerbst compulsion to get the last word in!" Eleanore stormed off. She turned. "Your pride will get you in time. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience," she added bitterly.
…
Eleanore had got down two more twisting corridors when she heard the patter of feet behind her. She turned, and then looked down to see Danny.
"Look, Kirche is just being a butt because she doesn't want to be here," Danny said frankly. "She wants to be with her friends. How about you tell me instead?"
"You're twelve,"
"Thirteen! And I'm on the team too! At least when I can get away from school and the nannies Mother sends after me to track me down!"
Eleanore sighed. She really did have no better option - and father had said she had a long, hard path of unlearning certain habits. "I can't believe I'm reduced to this… but very well. I'm going to trust you with this."
Danny grinned, jamming his hands in his pockets before he frowned. "But why aren't you telling your parents, then?"
"I have. And it's… complicated," Eleanore said, spreading her hands. "Just before you arrived, I got in a flaming row with my mother because… well, she didn't like some of the things I said. She stormed out – and when my mother storms out of a place, we're not talking metaphorically. It was literally a storm. I'm afraid most of the time I've spent around her in the past decade has usually ended up in arguments, but this was worse than usual. And that's saying something. And Father is naturally cautious. He doesn't like rushing into things."
"And you're not cautious?"
Eleanore smiled wryly. "I am my mother's daughter as well as my father's. Why do you think I'm telling you these things?"
"You know," Danny said, thoughtfully, "I don't think you're as bad as Kirche says you are."
"Ah. So I'm worse."
"You're funny," Danny said with a giggle that he hastily tried to convert into a manly chuckle. "And," his ears popped. "Did you just feel that?"
"The sudden change in atmospheric pressure?" Eleanore said drily. "Yes. It means Mother is back. And still hasn't calmed down." She took a deep breath. "I suppose I ought to be a dutiful daughter and present myself."
"Why're you like this? Your mother's awesome," Danny insisted.
"Oh, she very much is. She is awesome. She is worthy of awe. I am in awe of her – and have lived my entire life with the people who don't see me as another de la Vallière monster instead seeing me as just 'Karin's daughter'. They look at me and want me to be her – and I can't do that. Do you know what it's like to know you'll never be the equal of your famous parent?"
Danny looked at her flatly. "Yes. What's your point? And for that matter, do you know what it's like to know you'll never be the equal of your big sister?"
With an unexpected giggle, Eleanore conceded the point. "Very well. You probably do understand, then."
Squaring his jaw, Danny jammed his hands in his pockets. "Tell you what, actually. You said you want this stuff about the plans of the Abyss to be looked into. But there's two things I want from you. 'Cause I can see you're like Kirche and you hate being given things without feeling like you've earned it."
"What are you asking for?"
"You used to be a hero, didn't you? And you were talking about how you were trying to be all mentor-y to Kirche, but she's too pig-headed to listen to you. Well, give me some training then. You get to pass on stuff – and also we have an excuse to talk – and I get someone helping me get stronger."
"Hmm." Eleanore looked Danny up and down. "I'm not a nice person. I won't make it easy."
"Look, I get what time I can grab with Dad, and what the others pass on and what I can teach myself," Danny said bluntly. "Kirche gets the personal time with him. Maybe he'll pay more attention to me if I can stand out from the others. I'm not looking for easy. I'm looking for what works."
"That's an attitude I can get behind. What's the other thing?"
Blushing, Danny looked away. "I… forget about it. It's… it's just one thing. We… I just want to get stronger."
Eleanore's brow wrinkled as she evaluated Danny. "You're a little troublemaker. You're a hothead with a short temper. You rush into things and get yourself into trouble. You idolise your parent, but don't feel you can be what they want you to be. You also feel stuck in your eldest sister's shadow, and want to be her equal – even though you love her."
"D-does that mean no?"
"No, it means 'yes'. And also 'never ask why it means yes'."
"Yaaaay! Oh Founder this is going to be so cool! You're going to teach me blade tricks and how to pick locks properly and lots of new kinds of spells and we're going to train and train and train until I hit triangle rank and we can go hunt goblins and orcs and trolls and dragons and even more goblins and…"
Eleanore's smile had a hint of melancholy in it. "You remind me of someone. Someone I knew when I was younger. Just promise you'll never make a pact with the forces of Evil."
…
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PostwarGryphon
Traveller of Planes
- Location
- Australia
That's not fair, Louise didn't make a pact with the Forces Of Evil, she is the Force Of Evil.
Now granted, this does make her eventual objective of dunking the Void in holy water until it's clean a bit more difficult, but that's not her fault!
Now granted, this does make her eventual objective of dunking the Void in holy water until it's clean a bit more difficult, but that's not her fault!
Sucal
The Devil’s Cut
- Location
- Bottom of the barrel
Pretty sure that Eleanor was referring to the Madame de Montespan
- Location
- The sixth circle of Hell (second on weekends)
- Pronouns
- She/Her
- Location
- in the trash
Please tell me this training is going to involve the de la Valliere family crypt.
6th months implies something interesting about Kirche's conception, especially when her mother was held prisoner.
Is there a hidden "Good" version of a Succubus that is a hidden boss/ race that I haven't seen yet, or is Kirche's mother more Evil aligned and running a long con.
Is there a hidden "Good" version of a Succubus that is a hidden boss/ race that I haven't seen yet, or is Kirche's mother more Evil aligned and running a long con.