To be fair you can get a lot of mileage out of those three games.
On the Road to Elspar [Book 1] (Dryad Mercenary Schoolgirl Quest)
- Thread starter Kei
- Start date
- Original Fantasy
I'm sure this is at least a little obvious by now, but the more you help develop Neianne's personality across her time at Faulkren, the more you're "locking in" certain options, decisions, and consequences.
As you can pretty evidently see in this last update, Neianne growing some more emotional resolution and confidence has always led to her developing something of a temper. She's made the possible "suboptimal" choice by deciding to sign up for the Inter-Academy Tournament despite the very real possibility that they're mostly not ready. She's made the almost certainly "suboptimal" choice by blowing up on Stephanie, and she's also making the "suboptimal" choice of beginning to feel some level of resentment against Elizabeth and Sieglinde. Just because you may or may not be ready to cut Stephanie out of your life does not mean Neianne is. And failing to address her developing character will have consequence not only on the broader narrative, but also on Neianne herself too.
You could try during the next vote...? XD
I mean, I'm pretty sure it's going to be some level of awkward, given the previous altercation. =P
As you can pretty evidently see in this last update, Neianne growing some more emotional resolution and confidence has always led to her developing something of a temper. She's made the possible "suboptimal" choice by deciding to sign up for the Inter-Academy Tournament despite the very real possibility that they're mostly not ready. She's made the almost certainly "suboptimal" choice by blowing up on Stephanie, and she's also making the "suboptimal" choice of beginning to feel some level of resentment against Elizabeth and Sieglinde. Just because you may or may not be ready to cut Stephanie out of your life does not mean Neianne is. And failing to address her developing character will have consequence not only on the broader narrative, but also on Neianne herself too.
You could try during the next vote...? XD
I mean, I'm pretty sure it's going to be some level of awkward, given the previous altercation. =P
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Clearly we need to give her light pink hair, blame it on teenage moody rebellion and no one will give her a closer look
Mmm, true. While we might look at this as "look at the drama and character development opportunities" as readers, real people may tend to more have a response of "I don't want to deal with this".
An interesting challenge.
Good news everyone! Squad 4 is no longer the most dysfunctional of all! We may want to try having this happen by actually improving our cohesion rather than by watching another squad implode in the future, but at least for now our job is done.
Spectrum
Tell me a secret~
- Location
- Behind you~
I think you underestimate the weeblevel of your audience, Kei. ;P
But is Stephanie the devil you're dancing with or is it Neianne? :3
lightning
If you were closer, you could hear her heartbeat instead. :3
C'mon, has anyone really ever successfully asked Elizabeth -not- to do something that amuses her?
Neianne close to limit breaking...
samurai kiiiiii
pounce Neianne, that way lies true monk power also...!
(snrk)
But the question is, is she actively expressing it as fire or is that innate?
Aha. Well, still an interesting avenue to explore, perhaps.
(and now someone will write the Mary Sue who channels VOID ELEMENT into their daikatana)
That seems like it would be remarkably hard to have any leverage from that position.
or...the warmth of Stephanie?
*ducks*
If it wasn't blatant enough that Stephanie wasn't SL material by any stretch, there it is. Nevermind practice as you fight, if Neianne doesn't try, all she's getting is experience in how to not be a shitty squad member to your leader from the other side lol
And that's when the woobie justifiably finally snaps <3
missing endquote or something
C'mon, she earned a full out face slap for that one.
You picked the wroooooong person to hit in front of Mel, accidentally or otherwise. XD
Yes, the hope is that it leads to a better long term relationship. Or, at least, ends things now cleanly if we continue to botch/not be able to repair it instead of having it end truly explosively later once it comes out that Neianne was not, in fact, born yesterday.
Hey, maybe Stephanie will mature a bit and understand someone else's perspective! It can't be any less likely than Elizabeth evolving from being the kind of noble basically no one else likes.
- Location
- France
If Neianne ever did develop spirit channeling, I'm personally hoping it's Wind attribute so that the swing of her buster sword knocks whole groups of enemies over, or she can make an anime sword beam that cuts things at a distance. I had hoped it would also make the sword lighter by being carried by the wind a little so she can one-hand it, but after reading the description of how it works, I don't think it would do that at all.
A few things that I was too tired to catch last night and am going to address now.
I'm not entirely sure I trust grammar software yet. I mean, I don't even think it's entirely an issue about grammar software; in a lot of ways, this quest is written in a way that's obviously meant to hit voter engagement, and doesn't mesh super well with conventional long-form fiction. It's not just a matter of changing "you" to "she"; it's a matter of rewriting a lot of different segments so it doesn't read like the third-person fiction is trying to talk to the reader the way a quest does. I wouldn't be entirely averse to doing this by hand, to be honest, save for the fact that I'm already proofreading and editing all my previous posts for publication on SpaceBattles and Royal Road...
...and yes, that's what RR stands for. I'm also writing Intercessor, something I'm actually being commissioned to write and which I'm honestly behind on. So that's a lot of issues going on.
It's probably not a big surprise that Melanie has stronger feelings for Lucille than Ashlyn, but I'd probably also point out that when Ashlyn was fighting Penelope, they were possibly a little too close in their grapping fistfight for Melanie to comfortably start using magecraft, especially given how magecraft needs to be cast seconds in advance.
One of the things that someone once brought up - which I felt was a lovely description that I have no problems sharing here - is that Penelope and Wendy and a few other people come from a pretty different social context compared to most other people. A lot of what they see as standing up for themselves in poor neighborhoods is meant to achieve a level of respect from others - not necessarily people liking them, but people understanding that they're worthy of respect and not to be messed with - really doesn't carry over well, not only for Faulkren Academy in general, but for a lot of the other apprentices' backgrounds in general. Of course, Ashlyn actually has fairly complicated feelings with regards to Lucille, the nobility, and what Penelope was saying, but Penelope's behavior - which worked for her and Wendy and a lot of the other girls from urban working families - just really pisses Ashlyn the farm girl off.
...I am beginning to see why I wasn't very popular in my impoverished neighborhoods.
I mean, note that I wasn't speaking of Japanese fantasy in general. I would've also taken a lot of inspiration from Chinese fantasy. =P
fixed thank you x_x
EDIT: I have a mecha idea bouncing around in my head, and if I ever write it (which I really, really shouldn't), I'll probably go with the conceit that Asia took over the world a long time ago. =P
I'm not entirely sure I trust grammar software yet. I mean, I don't even think it's entirely an issue about grammar software; in a lot of ways, this quest is written in a way that's obviously meant to hit voter engagement, and doesn't mesh super well with conventional long-form fiction. It's not just a matter of changing "you" to "she"; it's a matter of rewriting a lot of different segments so it doesn't read like the third-person fiction is trying to talk to the reader the way a quest does. I wouldn't be entirely averse to doing this by hand, to be honest, save for the fact that I'm already proofreading and editing all my previous posts for publication on SpaceBattles and Royal Road...
...and yes, that's what RR stands for. I'm also writing Intercessor, something I'm actually being commissioned to write and which I'm honestly behind on. So that's a lot of issues going on.
It's probably not a big surprise that Melanie has stronger feelings for Lucille than Ashlyn, but I'd probably also point out that when Ashlyn was fighting Penelope, they were possibly a little too close in their grapping fistfight for Melanie to comfortably start using magecraft, especially given how magecraft needs to be cast seconds in advance.
One of the things that someone once brought up - which I felt was a lovely description that I have no problems sharing here - is that Penelope and Wendy and a few other people come from a pretty different social context compared to most other people. A lot of what they see as standing up for themselves in poor neighborhoods is meant to achieve a level of respect from others - not necessarily people liking them, but people understanding that they're worthy of respect and not to be messed with - really doesn't carry over well, not only for Faulkren Academy in general, but for a lot of the other apprentices' backgrounds in general. Of course, Ashlyn actually has fairly complicated feelings with regards to Lucille, the nobility, and what Penelope was saying, but Penelope's behavior - which worked for her and Wendy and a lot of the other girls from urban working families - just really pisses Ashlyn the farm girl off.
...I am beginning to see why I wasn't very popular in my impoverished neighborhoods.
I mean, note that I wasn't speaking of Japanese fantasy in general. I would've also taken a lot of inspiration from Chinese fantasy. =P
fixed thank you x_x
EDIT: I have a mecha idea bouncing around in my head, and if I ever write it (which I really, really shouldn't), I'll probably go with the conceit that Asia took over the world a long time ago. =P
I'll point out that one of the larger quests on sv is an original xianxia-based one, so I think you'd probably have been alright.
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I'm not sure if Stephanie HAD a plan at all, considering anyone who saw a Knight fight at some point would have identified her immediately.
...actually, did the instructors know anyway? Theres very little chance that none of them know what they're looking at considering they know full well thats not magecraft at all.
Classic teenage wishful thinking and avoidance.
The confrontation destabilized the situation, which does allow for things to get better at least.
Or a lot worse. One way or another.
...actually, did the instructors know anyway? Theres very little chance that none of them know what they're looking at considering they know full well thats not magecraft at all.
Classic teenage wishful thinking and avoidance.
The confrontation destabilized the situation, which does allow for things to get better at least.
Or a lot worse. One way or another.
It did need a lot of players understanding and promoting the cultural differences element to stay on track at times.
Stephanie has never - as far as Neianne knows - shown off her powers in front of anyone else. The only other time she lit her katana on fire was during the Squirrel attack, and that was to save your life; the practice katana was gone by the time Sieglinde and Elizabeth showed up.
- Location
- Chicago
- Pronouns
- She/They
I think Stephanie has a choice to make, and I'm hoping she comes down on our side but I think it's going to take one more conversation, probably best from our raven. She left the monestary to use her sword in the world: is she willing to show the world her sword? He decision is only a dream, half-real, until then, since she could still return to her old life with minimal consequences as long as nobody really knew. Maybe she's the one the fairies were aiming for? We're basically wrangling characters that have all, till now, been protagonists in their own right...
So I think Siglinde is the best here, because it would allow for Stephanie to reveal her secret on her own terms to someone, and Liz is right out.
So I think Siglinde is the best here, because it would allow for Stephanie to reveal her secret on her own terms to someone, and Liz is right out.
- Pronouns
- They/Them
Well, yeah, that's really dysfunctional. What's it with Mages and disproportionate punishments?
(Also, it should come as no surprise, but I agree with Neianne's resentment of how Elizabeth sometimes just regards other people as sources of entertainment for her. Class is definitely a problem in Caldein, though literally nothing we've seen about their enemies seems to indicate that they're any better at class stuff, except to the extent that 'poor people never get to see nobles to actually argue with them, and if they did they'd legit just be killed' means there are less confrontations like this.)
Also, I'm not "done" with Stephanie or anything, but Neianne should focus on helping Stephanie, not on directly apologizing, because I don't think there's actually anything to apologize for.
That said, Neianne does have a being-taken-for-granted problem. And for the outside world, it'd be less of a problem if she hadn't been learning to have an actual spine, because then they could ignore how much they hurt her, rather than seeing her blow up. But bottling it up isn't healthy, even if it's better than just endlessly eating resentments like they're free food at a party and you haven't eaten all day.
(Also, it should come as no surprise, but I agree with Neianne's resentment of how Elizabeth sometimes just regards other people as sources of entertainment for her. Class is definitely a problem in Caldein, though literally nothing we've seen about their enemies seems to indicate that they're any better at class stuff, except to the extent that 'poor people never get to see nobles to actually argue with them, and if they did they'd legit just be killed' means there are less confrontations like this.)
Also, I'm not "done" with Stephanie or anything, but Neianne should focus on helping Stephanie, not on directly apologizing, because I don't think there's actually anything to apologize for.
That said, Neianne does have a being-taken-for-granted problem. And for the outside world, it'd be less of a problem if she hadn't been learning to have an actual spine, because then they could ignore how much they hurt her, rather than seeing her blow up. But bottling it up isn't healthy, even if it's better than just endlessly eating resentments like they're free food at a party and you haven't eaten all day.
For those who enjoy spending time on TV Tropes, please feel free to fill in some stuff into On the Road to Elspar's TV Tropes page. It's very lonely there. T_T
Right, so, a few things I either missed or couldn't talk about earlier... x_x
So obviously, I couldn't say anything about this until the previous update, but you were spot-on. Great catch~ X3
Hi, sorry I missed you the first time around, but thank you very much for being interested in my quest~ I hope that the binging wasn't too bad, that all of us will get to know you better, and that you'll be entertained by what is to come~
Tenereia and Penelope kind of suffer from the same problem with regards to their depiction right now: We haven't had a chance to see them from another perspective. They're neither entirely perfect nor entirely awful; there will be chances - some soon, some not-so-soon - for you to see. ^_^;
I saw your review on Royal Road; thank you very much~ It was very heartwarming to read. >_<
With regards to changing everything to third-person, I am working on a possibility that may work out. Please stay tuned. T_T
Right, so, a few things I either missed or couldn't talk about earlier... x_x
So obviously, I couldn't say anything about this until the previous update, but you were spot-on. Great catch~ X3
What do you mean, "no next page"?!
*Panics*
...
so. Yeah. Hi. I've been bingeing this during work for the last week. A most awesome story, I'm definetely here to stay now
Don't know if I'll be voting all that much, since we seem to have the typical quester behaviour here as well, though.
Hi, sorry I missed you the first time around, but thank you very much for being interested in my quest~ I hope that the binging wasn't too bad, that all of us will get to know you better, and that you'll be entertained by what is to come~
Tenereia and Penelope kind of suffer from the same problem with regards to their depiction right now: We haven't had a chance to see them from another perspective. They're neither entirely perfect nor entirely awful; there will be chances - some soon, some not-so-soon - for you to see. ^_^;
I saw your review on Royal Road; thank you very much~ It was very heartwarming to read. >_<
With regards to changing everything to third-person, I am working on a possibility that may work out. Please stay tuned. T_T
- Pronouns
- Him/He
For Penelope, it's a bit odd since she actually reached a bit of an accord with Aphelia after the squirrel attack, but here got in a near death-match with one of the most inoffensive and trying-to-be-helpful noble lady.
One suspects that:
1. She's not really thinking rationally about how she treats people (Okay, yes, 'suspects' is perhaps a bit too weak a word for what we've seen) but
2. She doesn't actually 'feel' like Lucille is an actual scary oppressive noble lady. Lucille's solicitous nature makes Penelope think of her not as the ruling class, but a bootlicker suck up.
This has some interesting implications. I feel that Penelope gets why bad nobles are bad nobles, they're selfish and they have power, of course they'll protect it. But how many nobles has Penelope ever actually met before coming here to train? I would guess between 0 and 1. But she's likely seen all her life people 'better off' then her acting polite and helpful to their betters, and that's where Penelope's rage really seems directed at most. Not the nobles she thinks are looking down on everyone, but those that she thinks ought to be working against the nobles but are instead helping them.
When taken with her trying to bully liz early on, because she seemed weak, it looks almost like she's trying to point out that nobles are not that hot shit and fightable and everyone should poke them whenever possible. Unless they're actually strong and can kick your ass, in which case just fear and distrust them, or maybe ask for help.
In which case trying to get along with Penelope is actually the worst thing a noble lady can do, if you just want to get along with her for two years and then forget she exists. Better to just say 'Fuck with me and I'll cut you' and penelope will direct her anger at other people instead who can't defend themselves! A perfect solution for everyone.
One suspects that:
1. She's not really thinking rationally about how she treats people (Okay, yes, 'suspects' is perhaps a bit too weak a word for what we've seen) but
2. She doesn't actually 'feel' like Lucille is an actual scary oppressive noble lady. Lucille's solicitous nature makes Penelope think of her not as the ruling class, but a bootlicker suck up.
This has some interesting implications. I feel that Penelope gets why bad nobles are bad nobles, they're selfish and they have power, of course they'll protect it. But how many nobles has Penelope ever actually met before coming here to train? I would guess between 0 and 1. But she's likely seen all her life people 'better off' then her acting polite and helpful to their betters, and that's where Penelope's rage really seems directed at most. Not the nobles she thinks are looking down on everyone, but those that she thinks ought to be working against the nobles but are instead helping them.
When taken with her trying to bully liz early on, because she seemed weak, it looks almost like she's trying to point out that nobles are not that hot shit and fightable and everyone should poke them whenever possible. Unless they're actually strong and can kick your ass, in which case just fear and distrust them, or maybe ask for help.
In which case trying to get along with Penelope is actually the worst thing a noble lady can do, if you just want to get along with her for two years and then forget she exists. Better to just say 'Fuck with me and I'll cut you' and penelope will direct her anger at other people instead who can't defend themselves! A perfect solution for everyone.
- Location
- Caribbean
So Penelope still doesn't learn, Melanie's serial killer vibes are rising.
But yeah, I can understand Penelope exploding in this one, given that she directly blames Lucille for her friends' deaths to begin with, is force to not only work with her but Lucille's the leader, said leader frankly sucks at the job, and now she likely just found out that she's going to be humiliated in front of all the mercenary schools because of Lucille.
That's the kind of thing that would have normal tempered people pissed off, this was only a matter of time really.
On the Stephanie front, that's going to be mess but I really can't sympathise with her much given that this is in fact her fault for being so damn secretive. And she really needs to decide if she really wants to go out into the world because she can't get it both ways; stay hidden at the monastery or go out there accepting that means that people will know her as well.
But yeah, I can understand Penelope exploding in this one, given that she directly blames Lucille for her friends' deaths to begin with, is force to not only work with her but Lucille's the leader, said leader frankly sucks at the job, and now she likely just found out that she's going to be humiliated in front of all the mercenary schools because of Lucille.
That's the kind of thing that would have normal tempered people pissed off, this was only a matter of time really.
On the Stephanie front, that's going to be mess but I really can't sympathise with her much given that this is in fact her fault for being so damn secretive. And she really needs to decide if she really wants to go out into the world because she can't get it both ways; stay hidden at the monastery or go out there accepting that means that people will know her as well.
- Location
- Nova Scotia
- Pronouns
- She/Her
What are the chances that Lucille could say that without being laughed at, though?
- Location
- PA
On to Neianne, now here's the thing.
As I see it, thanks to the way we've voted before, I think we're going to have to figure out how to manage the fact that the cute little tree-girl is turning into a little hot-head. I'm rather concerned with how this is going to work out, because frankly I think we might just steal the spotlight of Penelope's squad implosion at the tournament, and more distressing is thought of how this works with the team dynamics we have going with our team-
As I see it, we might soon end up with a major blow-up thanks to the issue of Stephanie's Errant Knight status providing the spark, and frankly, I expect Elizabeth to end up taking the mantle if Sieglinde decides against stepping up. Which might paint Zabanya in...Quite the unfortunate light. Or maybe not. Who knows, because I sure don't!
Now what I'm wondering is who to deal with if we want to swerve Neianne away from that. Fellow dryad Azalea might be useful here I think, but I'm honestly half-thinking we should run to the teachers&instructors as much as we can swing it going forward.
As I see it, thanks to the way we've voted before, I think we're going to have to figure out how to manage the fact that the cute little tree-girl is turning into a little hot-head. I'm rather concerned with how this is going to work out, because frankly I think we might just steal the spotlight of Penelope's squad implosion at the tournament, and more distressing is thought of how this works with the team dynamics we have going with our team-
As I see it, we might soon end up with a major blow-up thanks to the issue of Stephanie's Errant Knight status providing the spark, and frankly, I expect Elizabeth to end up taking the mantle if Sieglinde decides against stepping up. Which might paint Zabanya in...Quite the unfortunate light. Or maybe not. Who knows, because I sure don't!
Now what I'm wondering is who to deal with if we want to swerve Neianne away from that. Fellow dryad Azalea might be useful here I think, but I'm honestly half-thinking we should run to the teachers&instructors as much as we can swing it going forward.
- Location
- earth
Hey, nice to know I can still spot details
- Location
- Caribbean
Eeh, I mean it's not like Neianne is exactly wrong; no one really does respect her, both as a leader and in her ability to actually reason. The closest she gets to that is from Elizabeth, aka the person who enjoys pushing people's buttons. Really this was something that was going to happen sooner or later the moment Neianne started to gain enough confidence to be willing to speak up. Her getting thrown into leadership to sink or swim pushed it well towards the 'sooner' point.
So please keep in mind that while I totally understand the impulse to try and avoid Neianne picking up character flaws - I have absolutely minmaxed when RPing with people before - I would ask that you avoid trying. There are a few reasons for that. First, characters are just more interesting with flaws. Yes, people get upset when the stories they like hit their piece of drama, but - at least when properly handled - that's what keeps them memorable. Second, Neianne was always meant to be imperfect. Putting aside the fact that the prologue at the very beginning suggested that she would have rivals and enemies, Neianne is already picking up some traits, like the aforementioned "hot-headedness", even bits of Elizabeth's sarcasm.
Besides, third, I'm the author and I'm the one who's trying to write her organically. =P
Incidentally, On the Road to Elspar has finally been listed on Muse's Success~ Please check it out and considering rating it. Thank you~ >_<
Besides, third, I'm the author and I'm the one who's trying to write her organically. =P
Incidentally, On the Road to Elspar has finally been listed on Muse's Success~ Please check it out and considering rating it. Thank you~ >_<