Mgunh1
Not an AI, honest!
- Location
- Northern Luna Base, Module 5, Sublevel 15
Which would make the "All your base are belonging to me" bit seem a lot more ominous to her.
On a Backwater Planet, a Metal Extractor is Built [PA/Multicross SI]
- Status
AckermannFxn
Muffins?
- Location
- East USA-ish
Did he literally laugh for more than 180 seconds, with Taylor awkwardly staring at him the whole time?
This just feels like something you'd use "a few moments" or "several seconds" for, not literally minutes. Unless you meant to be completely unhinged, but at this point, any references to minute plus long pauses in a conversation I automatically translate into an awkward 10-15 second pause.
Glitchrr36
Slick's Short Company, CEO
- Location
- The Wastes
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I think my record was something like eight minutes. Taylor was sitting there looking on with horror thinking, among other things, "Oh my god the guy who rescued me is insane"
I'm pretty sure that hysterical laughter lasting for 8 minutes would cause you to pass out somewhere around well before 8 minutes.
- Location
- Russia
He's not exactly biologically human ... could probably spend hours laughing without passing out.
Glitchrr36
Slick's Short Company, CEO
- Location
- The Wastes
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I gasped breath repeatedly during it, but yeah IRL my laugh has a reputation.
It's pretty convenient I was talking about glitchrrr36 the meat machine, not glitchrrr36 the Von Neumann war machine.
Chapter Twenty Four: Setup, really.
Glitchrr36
Slick's Short Company, CEO
- Location
- The Wastes
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Bleh. This took entirely too long, and may be somewhat disjointed as a result. I appreciate anyone bringing up flow issues and the like.
=====================================================================
Knocking over drug houses is fun. All you need is a dynamic entry, the ability to laugh off bullets, bravado, and what all the idiots you're screwing with have to assume are cajones big enough to zorb in just in case the capes show up. If you have those, which I do, then the storehouses full of hundreds of thousands of dollars in brain-altering chemicals might as well be a house of cards, one blow from caving in.
I didn't have to deal with any capes except Alabaster once. I threw him through a wall and proceeded to evacuate the premises before he could get up and be obnoxious.
I think that collectively, I had cost the ABB, E88, and Merchants somewhere in the neighborhood of seven or eight hundred million dollars in illicit materials. I had also hit somewhere between sixty eight and seventy three percent of their safe houses, and was factoring drugs and slaves into that figure, with the slaves costing significantly more per unit than either of the other two.
That pissed me off. So I dealt with it in a manner I felt people would understand: mass arson, tremendous amounts of property damage, some removing chaff, and a whole lot of statements that were really cheesy. Since I made quite a few, here is the highlights reel:
"Knock Knock. Who's there? Justice. Justice who? [Meaty thwack as empire member loses a few teeth]"
"Did someone order a pizza of scum removal with extra righteousness?"
"I am the Law! [sound of maser blowing random Merchant's hand off. Sounds of me cursing and muttering that I was sorry.]
"I'd make a "noodle bowl of justice" joke or something, but it would be a little racist."
"Sieg Heil? More like Sieg..uh..Fail! Fucking sue me, I'm bad at these."
And so on and so forth. I'm fairly sure everyone hated me at this point. Except maybe Coil, who was my current target.
My plan was simple:
1: attract the scumbag's attention via tinker stuff
2: be less than careful with my avatar's identity
3: get offered a job and refuse
4; get kidnapped
5: ???????
6: Profit
And I had fulfilled the first two, by walking out to buy food items and stuff from pretty much the same abandoned building I had set up shop in. Well, shop as in a workbench, an armor stand, a cot, a mini fridge, and some other stuff so that anyone breaking in would believe I lived there.
I just had to wait, because an unaligned tinker with a vendetta against the gangs would be useful to him, and I made sure to not be seen except as glimpses at a distance. Also I hacked his stuff and saw his notes on me. Even the physical ones. Progenitor nanobots are awesome.
But yeah, he was definitely going to bite. What he didn't realise was that this was roughly analogous to a bristlemouth seeing the lure of an anglerfish. He was too focussed on the prize to notice the massive, backwards curving teeth about to seal him in.\
As I continued hitting gang strongholds, I also got started on what I had dubbed the Big Surprise, because an Endbringer would be coming here eventually. I wanted to be prepared.
But no sense in talking about something that wouldn't be relevant until later, and was untested and wouldn't be tested until I had an acceptable target.
=====================================================================
Ah yes. Waiting, my old enemy. How I love to leave you for the vices of Excitement.
I had been walking back on a snack run, since I had remembered how great eating was, and was approached by a couple of large, armed men, who offered me a job.
I then proceeded to ask who I was working for. They didn't tell me, and I walked off.
I was then shot. By a small caliber pistol, which did somewhere between "jack" and "shit.' I think he was going for an incapacitation since it was at my gut, so I can tell someone, who I'm assuming is Coil, wants me.
I proceeded to break their collar bones, and walk away. Which brings me to now, where I'm looking through Coil's files on contingencies. He has "Spacebattles competence," numbers of them. Like, seriously dude. Why do you have a file for if Behemoth joins the Slaughterhouse 9?
Though with what Slash did in canon, that isn't quite as unrealistic as it sounds.
I'll need to start planning for them. I wonder if I should be proactive?
Food for thought when I don't have an asshole to smash.
…
Phrasing, Glitch. Phrasing.
Anyway, Coil. All I have to do is be lax about secret identity stuff in an area I can be ambushed.. I can tell from the files he would like me on his side. Afterall, I appear to be a fairly powerful tinker, who loathes gangs, and has all sorts of goodies. I'm fairly sure the only reason I haven't had any attempts made to strongarm me, other than this one, is because I'm never around by the time anyone gets to one of the buildings I've destroyed.
Fairly sure this is pissing off the Protectorate but who gives a shit?
Eh, back to waiting.
=====================================================================
And I have rag to my face. It smells awful, but I comply with the passing out. Not too difficult, I have a thing on how chloroform actually works, so I know not to just faint. Now for them to lead me back to their base.
The goon has decided to put a sack over my head. I wonder if he gets payed extra for cliches?
The van started rolling off, leading me towards what I assumed was the base. Almost show time.
Now to decide if I should mock Coil before I turn incapacitate him. Then turn him over to the proper authorities, because I am a perfectly law abiding, morally upright killbot that dutifully follows the proper channels of justice. When it amuses me of course. Otherwise I just do what I want.
Oh we're here. I guess I was thinking for longer than I intended. I don't think I'll mock him, just unmask him in front of some people, namely Piggot, and dump all of his files into the internet.
Hmm...I almost forgot the stupid timeline thing. He probably has a backup right now. I guess I'll play along for a bit. Stoke his ego, make it seem like he won, that sort of stuff. He had a pretty large one, if what I remember from canon was right. Or was that Kaiser? Meh, flattery never hurts anyone unless you want them hurt.
I'm being dragged out of the van, and thus decide a little harmless trolling is in order. I fill quite a few places with osmium, so I now weigh somewhere around three hundred fifteen kilograms. The dude drops me on his foot and swears, quite profusely.
I'm laughing on the inside.
"The fuck did this guy eat? He has to weigh like six hundred pounds!"
"Gngh. Yeah, he;s heavy all right. Go get a pallet or something, and let the boss know about this. He isn't all that fond of delays, you know."
"Yeah, I'm on my way. If you can, hide the dude in case someone comes looking around here."
The first guy is walking in through a little hidden door thing, just like I would have in my lair, if I have one.
He comes back about five minutes later with a trolley thing. Loading takes about five minutes of sweating, grunting, swearing, three broken toes, and me trying not to laugh as they try to set me on top of the thing.
I'm brought into a small room, where I'm hefted into a chair and strapped down. It's kind of adorable that they think that the restraints can hold me should I decide to get out.
I wait there for a bit, then proceed to pretend I come to, slowly, blearily blink the avatar's eyes, looking around in faux confusion. It looks exactly as one would imagine an interrogation room to look, with flat, grey walls lacking any ornamentation except for a heavy door that also lacks everything. Presumably it's openable from the outside only, so that prisoners couldn't escape on their own.
Coil is keeping me waiting to do this. Standard psychological tactic, make your opponent wait on you so that you are on the upper foot, and have established your control of the situation.
I would be mildly annoyed had I not been used to waiting six or seven months for things to happen. Goddamn Breach physics.
In the meantime, I continue digging out a base underneath the nearby, non-aquifered land, setting up factories, extractors, generators and such, and testing some drone things I slapped together with a tertiary thought process while burning some Nazi product to skunky ashes.
Splitting off yet another thread, I go over my plans for Coil. While my endgame is in the air, I know I can fake whatever symptoms Mr. Pfizer or Pinkerton or Pepper or whatever would attempt to inflict via narcotics. I debated melting something through fabricating acid, but decided "accidentally" killing an underling was a good way to get a beating delivered to this form, which was still in nearly mint condition, which I wanted to preserve until I didn't need to pretend to be weaker than I was to present a lure. Soon I'll be able to go all out and purge the everywhere of the idiots, asshats, dickwads, and egomaniacs that controlled the gangs and many government organizations, and get to the fixing of shit.
Maybe try to actually take over the world in there at some point. I'll probably deliberately fail, but it would be amusing.
Oh! Lord snake douche is entering the room. Time for things to be amusing.
"I'm sure you are wondering why you have been brought here," Crabst, he sounds like a pretentious asswipe. How nobody realized he was evil is beyond me.
"I'm quite aware of the fact you want me for my powers, Coil. Also, I'm fairly sure you happen to be a pedophile, so that may have factored in as well."
He sputtered, all of his momentum having been dashed due to my genius. I could just tell this was going to be fun. For me, anyway
=====================================================================
Knocking over drug houses is fun. All you need is a dynamic entry, the ability to laugh off bullets, bravado, and what all the idiots you're screwing with have to assume are cajones big enough to zorb in just in case the capes show up. If you have those, which I do, then the storehouses full of hundreds of thousands of dollars in brain-altering chemicals might as well be a house of cards, one blow from caving in.
I didn't have to deal with any capes except Alabaster once. I threw him through a wall and proceeded to evacuate the premises before he could get up and be obnoxious.
I think that collectively, I had cost the ABB, E88, and Merchants somewhere in the neighborhood of seven or eight hundred million dollars in illicit materials. I had also hit somewhere between sixty eight and seventy three percent of their safe houses, and was factoring drugs and slaves into that figure, with the slaves costing significantly more per unit than either of the other two.
That pissed me off. So I dealt with it in a manner I felt people would understand: mass arson, tremendous amounts of property damage, some removing chaff, and a whole lot of statements that were really cheesy. Since I made quite a few, here is the highlights reel:
"Knock Knock. Who's there? Justice. Justice who? [Meaty thwack as empire member loses a few teeth]"
"Did someone order a pizza of scum removal with extra righteousness?"
"I am the Law! [sound of maser blowing random Merchant's hand off. Sounds of me cursing and muttering that I was sorry.]
"I'd make a "noodle bowl of justice" joke or something, but it would be a little racist."
"Sieg Heil? More like Sieg..uh..Fail! Fucking sue me, I'm bad at these."
And so on and so forth. I'm fairly sure everyone hated me at this point. Except maybe Coil, who was my current target.
My plan was simple:
1: attract the scumbag's attention via tinker stuff
2: be less than careful with my avatar's identity
3: get offered a job and refuse
4; get kidnapped
5: ???????
6: Profit
And I had fulfilled the first two, by walking out to buy food items and stuff from pretty much the same abandoned building I had set up shop in. Well, shop as in a workbench, an armor stand, a cot, a mini fridge, and some other stuff so that anyone breaking in would believe I lived there.
I just had to wait, because an unaligned tinker with a vendetta against the gangs would be useful to him, and I made sure to not be seen except as glimpses at a distance. Also I hacked his stuff and saw his notes on me. Even the physical ones. Progenitor nanobots are awesome.
But yeah, he was definitely going to bite. What he didn't realise was that this was roughly analogous to a bristlemouth seeing the lure of an anglerfish. He was too focussed on the prize to notice the massive, backwards curving teeth about to seal him in.\
As I continued hitting gang strongholds, I also got started on what I had dubbed the Big Surprise, because an Endbringer would be coming here eventually. I wanted to be prepared.
But no sense in talking about something that wouldn't be relevant until later, and was untested and wouldn't be tested until I had an acceptable target.
=====================================================================
Ah yes. Waiting, my old enemy. How I love to leave you for the vices of Excitement.
I had been walking back on a snack run, since I had remembered how great eating was, and was approached by a couple of large, armed men, who offered me a job.
I then proceeded to ask who I was working for. They didn't tell me, and I walked off.
I was then shot. By a small caliber pistol, which did somewhere between "jack" and "shit.' I think he was going for an incapacitation since it was at my gut, so I can tell someone, who I'm assuming is Coil, wants me.
I proceeded to break their collar bones, and walk away. Which brings me to now, where I'm looking through Coil's files on contingencies. He has "Spacebattles competence," numbers of them. Like, seriously dude. Why do you have a file for if Behemoth joins the Slaughterhouse 9?
Though with what Slash did in canon, that isn't quite as unrealistic as it sounds.
I'll need to start planning for them. I wonder if I should be proactive?
Food for thought when I don't have an asshole to smash.
…
Phrasing, Glitch. Phrasing.
Anyway, Coil. All I have to do is be lax about secret identity stuff in an area I can be ambushed.. I can tell from the files he would like me on his side. Afterall, I appear to be a fairly powerful tinker, who loathes gangs, and has all sorts of goodies. I'm fairly sure the only reason I haven't had any attempts made to strongarm me, other than this one, is because I'm never around by the time anyone gets to one of the buildings I've destroyed.
Fairly sure this is pissing off the Protectorate but who gives a shit?
Eh, back to waiting.
=====================================================================
And I have rag to my face. It smells awful, but I comply with the passing out. Not too difficult, I have a thing on how chloroform actually works, so I know not to just faint. Now for them to lead me back to their base.
The goon has decided to put a sack over my head. I wonder if he gets payed extra for cliches?
The van started rolling off, leading me towards what I assumed was the base. Almost show time.
Now to decide if I should mock Coil before I turn incapacitate him. Then turn him over to the proper authorities, because I am a perfectly law abiding, morally upright killbot that dutifully follows the proper channels of justice. When it amuses me of course. Otherwise I just do what I want.
Oh we're here. I guess I was thinking for longer than I intended. I don't think I'll mock him, just unmask him in front of some people, namely Piggot, and dump all of his files into the internet.
Hmm...I almost forgot the stupid timeline thing. He probably has a backup right now. I guess I'll play along for a bit. Stoke his ego, make it seem like he won, that sort of stuff. He had a pretty large one, if what I remember from canon was right. Or was that Kaiser? Meh, flattery never hurts anyone unless you want them hurt.
I'm being dragged out of the van, and thus decide a little harmless trolling is in order. I fill quite a few places with osmium, so I now weigh somewhere around three hundred fifteen kilograms. The dude drops me on his foot and swears, quite profusely.
I'm laughing on the inside.
"The fuck did this guy eat? He has to weigh like six hundred pounds!"
"Gngh. Yeah, he;s heavy all right. Go get a pallet or something, and let the boss know about this. He isn't all that fond of delays, you know."
"Yeah, I'm on my way. If you can, hide the dude in case someone comes looking around here."
The first guy is walking in through a little hidden door thing, just like I would have in my lair, if I have one.
He comes back about five minutes later with a trolley thing. Loading takes about five minutes of sweating, grunting, swearing, three broken toes, and me trying not to laugh as they try to set me on top of the thing.
I'm brought into a small room, where I'm hefted into a chair and strapped down. It's kind of adorable that they think that the restraints can hold me should I decide to get out.
I wait there for a bit, then proceed to pretend I come to, slowly, blearily blink the avatar's eyes, looking around in faux confusion. It looks exactly as one would imagine an interrogation room to look, with flat, grey walls lacking any ornamentation except for a heavy door that also lacks everything. Presumably it's openable from the outside only, so that prisoners couldn't escape on their own.
Coil is keeping me waiting to do this. Standard psychological tactic, make your opponent wait on you so that you are on the upper foot, and have established your control of the situation.
I would be mildly annoyed had I not been used to waiting six or seven months for things to happen. Goddamn Breach physics.
In the meantime, I continue digging out a base underneath the nearby, non-aquifered land, setting up factories, extractors, generators and such, and testing some drone things I slapped together with a tertiary thought process while burning some Nazi product to skunky ashes.
Splitting off yet another thread, I go over my plans for Coil. While my endgame is in the air, I know I can fake whatever symptoms Mr. Pfizer or Pinkerton or Pepper or whatever would attempt to inflict via narcotics. I debated melting something through fabricating acid, but decided "accidentally" killing an underling was a good way to get a beating delivered to this form, which was still in nearly mint condition, which I wanted to preserve until I didn't need to pretend to be weaker than I was to present a lure. Soon I'll be able to go all out and purge the everywhere of the idiots, asshats, dickwads, and egomaniacs that controlled the gangs and many government organizations, and get to the fixing of shit.
Maybe try to actually take over the world in there at some point. I'll probably deliberately fail, but it would be amusing.
Oh! Lord snake douche is entering the room. Time for things to be amusing.
"I'm sure you are wondering why you have been brought here," Crabst, he sounds like a pretentious asswipe. How nobody realized he was evil is beyond me.
"I'm quite aware of the fact you want me for my powers, Coil. Also, I'm fairly sure you happen to be a pedophile, so that may have factored in as well."
He sputtered, all of his momentum having been dashed due to my genius. I could just tell this was going to be fun. For me, anyway
Last edited:
Legend Of Desu
Frustrated easily by Rudeness and Stupidity
Why was the "n." in "fun." hidden?
Glitchrr36
Slick's Short Company, CEO
- Location
- The Wastes
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I have no idea. Thanks for the notice.
Arafell
Verified Cephalon
- Location
- Oregon
BiasedMendicant
Rogue AI
- Location
- The Moon
This is beautiful.
Kaesar
The Son of Mars
- Location
- USA
That utter snark was amazing. I couldn't help, but laugh when I read this because truly this was an glorious line.
Chapter Twenty Five: Coil don't ever cry
Glitchrr36
Slick's Short Company, CEO
- Location
- The Wastes
- Pronouns
- He/Him
So I'm pretending to be hooked on the adorable mixture of chemicals their giving me. I find it hilarious they think this actually would do anything to me, though it might be annoying if I went for a standard human physiology instead of something reminiscent of a T-850 covered in mildly toxic nanomachine filled meat.
In any case, while pretending to be addicted, I had fun trolling Coil.
=====================================================================
"So I've gotten the set of armor started. Can I have the drugs now?
Coil grimaced. His first real acquisition was proving to be a tremendous pain in his ass. Not only did the boy laugh off all of his threats until he was forcibly injected with the cocktail, but he continually disrespected Coil, and took physical abuse with a mere chuckle.
He also required materials that were frankly almost out of Coil's price range to do the work he wanted. It was getting frustrating, having to pay for materials that frequently wound up costing him tens of thousands.
Given the armor withstanding a direct hit from several, consecutive RPG rounds, he was willing to let that slide.
"Soon. How long will the armor take to be usable?"
"To the point when we can begin calibrating it to your nervous system? Six months."
Coil would have spat anything he had been drinking anything out had he actually had anything in his mouth. Instead, he merely made a choking noise, which the insolent tinker chuckled at.
"Now, to the point where you can actually wear it without being restrained for fear of ripping limbs off, or where it will stop anything other than a paintball? Probably a year and four respectively."
Coil made the choking noise again.
"Is there a way you can make it faster, per chance?"
The tinker smirked again. "Sure, if you want to every now and then have literally crippling feedback, or have a piece of armor fail at the exact wrong time you bump into a desk and perforate your everything, I can get it done in about six months. It's a bit hard to run a criminal underground when dead, though. Now give me the fucking drugs."
Coil sighed. He had honestly bitten off more than he could chew.
=====================================================================
Man is he gullible. I'd done stuff like that with everything. Man wants new tinker tech guns? Sure, just buy me some of the few materials I hadn't been able to acquire via Dragon, give me a few months, and I'll have one. Then I can replicate them, slowly. Also, be sure to give every one of your men this safety training, because it is liable to go off wrong and blow some heads off.
He tried to take my armor, but I told him it may kill him since it couldn't decalibrate.
What other stuff did I do...Oh yeah, I jury rigged something to detect him splitting the timeline. Couldn't tell what was happening on the flipside, but it would suffice for now.
All while this was happening, he was fuming at my build speeds, so I told him my success was sticking with some armor, a maser made of cannibalised microwaves, and a teleporter that took too long to make to be practical.
To make all this phony crap, I used normal nanobots, but coming from a rig roughly the size of a Cetus-class's main turret, and fabricating at an extremely slow rate.
I referred to how I managed to build it with the following, because he didn't believe me when he saw the speeds I built stuff with.
"Bodily fluids, duct tape, a leaky fission device, and something which I think would create a localised black hole if it got jostled too much. Oh, and a coffee machine. Want an espresso?"
The look his muscle movements suggested were on his face were something I will put in a shadow box or something. They were too perfect.
In related news, the room was really fucking creepy. Like goddam, we know you're a pedophile, you don't need peeking slots to watch me sleep. And why all the stereotypically "boy" decorations? I made my opinions on football and monster trucks clear (disliked the first, was ambivalent to the second). I don't want them in my temporary room.
I was content waiting until I was positive he had split the timeline again. Hiring Circus, I think. I didn't really care, because at that point, I struck.
=====================================================================
"Hey bossman, got something to tell you."
Coil reached for the advil. Anything involving "The Commander" was a headache waiting to happen.
"What is it? I'm a little busy right now, can it wait?"
"Nope! Gotta come right this second. I'll tell you what it is soon. What exactly it is happens to be a surprise though."
He got off of his custom swivel chair, and walked to follow the giant of a teenager out. Seriously, Coil was six four, and barely came up to the kid's nose.
"So a little backstory to this thing. A while back, I was out with my friend Mikey. We were heading to this kid Kevin's house on Friday, since he just got the new Lifetime Basketball hoop. Kevin was going to ref a game of two on two between us and our rivals Thomas and Big Red. Huh, isn't the captain of your mercs called Red? What a coincidence."
"Is this relevant in any way whatsoever or are you just wasting time?" Coil could feel his patience fraying as they walked through his mostly complete base.
"Hold on, I'm getting to that. So, we were playing for this little trophy made out of tinfoil and glitter, made in the shape of the NBA trophy. It was silly, but at the time we all thought it was the shit. So, we came ready to play and win then bring the trophy home that day. Red says we have no chance to beat him and Thomas, because he was in the way and neither of us could get to the hoop. So we started. I passed the ball to Mikey, who juked out of the way and went straight down the middle. He bounced it off the glass while still a good ten feet away, and I thought he was a parahuman for a bit there from his speed…"
"Can you get to the fucking point already?" Coil was rapidly losing his patience, and didn't notice the beginnings of a cruel smirk play on the young man's face before being repressed as he stopped in the main room.
"Why certainly. He caught the ball in mid air and he dunked that sucker right on Thomas's head, where he promptly fell over and started crying. Big Red looked at me and Mikey and asked us something."
Now the smirk was a full on sneer, as the young tinker looked down at Coil, malicious intent visible on his face. He leaned in and whispered, in a voice filled with hate. The alarms started blaring from the attack that had just started.
"Why is Coil crying? Because he just got dunked on."
That was when the four meter tall mechanical figures fell through the roof and started dispatching mercenaries left and right.
He young man who had played him, despite his contingencies, was still talking.
"I ain't even lyin, yo he just got dunked on. Yep, yep. He was standing in my way, so I screwed up all his plans, and I dunked it on his face."
Coil's last sight as he was hit by a large object in the back of his head was the tinker he had underestimated giving him the finger.
=======
Emily Piggot's job was not the most pleasant one given the recent emergence of a new parahuman, who vindicated her by blowing up millions of dollars in property.
Granted, they were all drug houses, and the fires didn't spread much if at all, but it was still a cape working against the legal system, and she couldn't abide by that.
So the surprise when she came into her office at early because of suspected parahuman activity demolishing the better part of a city block, and found a tall man in a snake themed costume that matched Coil's description hanging from a rope tied around his ankles on the outside of her window only heightened when she saw the note.
"So guy is a Parahuman, a traitor, a control freak, arrogant, and a pedophile at the same time! I get BINGO, right? Also, he's Thomas Calvert, and his mask is going to fall off if he moves at all to prove it, so you might as well get it over with. I'd shoot him, but you're against that so I recommend a fast track to the bird cage. The city block was me destroying his base, sorry about that. Later!
-The Commander."
She could tell her life was only going to get more complicated from here.
In any case, while pretending to be addicted, I had fun trolling Coil.
=====================================================================
"So I've gotten the set of armor started. Can I have the drugs now?
Coil grimaced. His first real acquisition was proving to be a tremendous pain in his ass. Not only did the boy laugh off all of his threats until he was forcibly injected with the cocktail, but he continually disrespected Coil, and took physical abuse with a mere chuckle.
He also required materials that were frankly almost out of Coil's price range to do the work he wanted. It was getting frustrating, having to pay for materials that frequently wound up costing him tens of thousands.
Given the armor withstanding a direct hit from several, consecutive RPG rounds, he was willing to let that slide.
"Soon. How long will the armor take to be usable?"
"To the point when we can begin calibrating it to your nervous system? Six months."
Coil would have spat anything he had been drinking anything out had he actually had anything in his mouth. Instead, he merely made a choking noise, which the insolent tinker chuckled at.
"Now, to the point where you can actually wear it without being restrained for fear of ripping limbs off, or where it will stop anything other than a paintball? Probably a year and four respectively."
Coil made the choking noise again.
"Is there a way you can make it faster, per chance?"
The tinker smirked again. "Sure, if you want to every now and then have literally crippling feedback, or have a piece of armor fail at the exact wrong time you bump into a desk and perforate your everything, I can get it done in about six months. It's a bit hard to run a criminal underground when dead, though. Now give me the fucking drugs."
Coil sighed. He had honestly bitten off more than he could chew.
=====================================================================
Man is he gullible. I'd done stuff like that with everything. Man wants new tinker tech guns? Sure, just buy me some of the few materials I hadn't been able to acquire via Dragon, give me a few months, and I'll have one. Then I can replicate them, slowly. Also, be sure to give every one of your men this safety training, because it is liable to go off wrong and blow some heads off.
He tried to take my armor, but I told him it may kill him since it couldn't decalibrate.
What other stuff did I do...Oh yeah, I jury rigged something to detect him splitting the timeline. Couldn't tell what was happening on the flipside, but it would suffice for now.
All while this was happening, he was fuming at my build speeds, so I told him my success was sticking with some armor, a maser made of cannibalised microwaves, and a teleporter that took too long to make to be practical.
To make all this phony crap, I used normal nanobots, but coming from a rig roughly the size of a Cetus-class's main turret, and fabricating at an extremely slow rate.
I referred to how I managed to build it with the following, because he didn't believe me when he saw the speeds I built stuff with.
"Bodily fluids, duct tape, a leaky fission device, and something which I think would create a localised black hole if it got jostled too much. Oh, and a coffee machine. Want an espresso?"
The look his muscle movements suggested were on his face were something I will put in a shadow box or something. They were too perfect.
In related news, the room was really fucking creepy. Like goddam, we know you're a pedophile, you don't need peeking slots to watch me sleep. And why all the stereotypically "boy" decorations? I made my opinions on football and monster trucks clear (disliked the first, was ambivalent to the second). I don't want them in my temporary room.
I was content waiting until I was positive he had split the timeline again. Hiring Circus, I think. I didn't really care, because at that point, I struck.
=====================================================================
"Hey bossman, got something to tell you."
Coil reached for the advil. Anything involving "The Commander" was a headache waiting to happen.
"What is it? I'm a little busy right now, can it wait?"
"Nope! Gotta come right this second. I'll tell you what it is soon. What exactly it is happens to be a surprise though."
He got off of his custom swivel chair, and walked to follow the giant of a teenager out. Seriously, Coil was six four, and barely came up to the kid's nose.
"So a little backstory to this thing. A while back, I was out with my friend Mikey. We were heading to this kid Kevin's house on Friday, since he just got the new Lifetime Basketball hoop. Kevin was going to ref a game of two on two between us and our rivals Thomas and Big Red. Huh, isn't the captain of your mercs called Red? What a coincidence."
"Is this relevant in any way whatsoever or are you just wasting time?" Coil could feel his patience fraying as they walked through his mostly complete base.
"Hold on, I'm getting to that. So, we were playing for this little trophy made out of tinfoil and glitter, made in the shape of the NBA trophy. It was silly, but at the time we all thought it was the shit. So, we came ready to play and win then bring the trophy home that day. Red says we have no chance to beat him and Thomas, because he was in the way and neither of us could get to the hoop. So we started. I passed the ball to Mikey, who juked out of the way and went straight down the middle. He bounced it off the glass while still a good ten feet away, and I thought he was a parahuman for a bit there from his speed…"
"Can you get to the fucking point already?" Coil was rapidly losing his patience, and didn't notice the beginnings of a cruel smirk play on the young man's face before being repressed as he stopped in the main room.
"Why certainly. He caught the ball in mid air and he dunked that sucker right on Thomas's head, where he promptly fell over and started crying. Big Red looked at me and Mikey and asked us something."
Now the smirk was a full on sneer, as the young tinker looked down at Coil, malicious intent visible on his face. He leaned in and whispered, in a voice filled with hate. The alarms started blaring from the attack that had just started.
"Why is Coil crying? Because he just got dunked on."
That was when the four meter tall mechanical figures fell through the roof and started dispatching mercenaries left and right.
He young man who had played him, despite his contingencies, was still talking.
"I ain't even lyin, yo he just got dunked on. Yep, yep. He was standing in my way, so I screwed up all his plans, and I dunked it on his face."
Coil's last sight as he was hit by a large object in the back of his head was the tinker he had underestimated giving him the finger.
=======
Emily Piggot's job was not the most pleasant one given the recent emergence of a new parahuman, who vindicated her by blowing up millions of dollars in property.
Granted, they were all drug houses, and the fires didn't spread much if at all, but it was still a cape working against the legal system, and she couldn't abide by that.
So the surprise when she came into her office at early because of suspected parahuman activity demolishing the better part of a city block, and found a tall man in a snake themed costume that matched Coil's description hanging from a rope tied around his ankles on the outside of her window only heightened when she saw the note.
"So guy is a Parahuman, a traitor, a control freak, arrogant, and a pedophile at the same time! I get BINGO, right? Also, he's Thomas Calvert, and his mask is going to fall off if he moves at all to prove it, so you might as well get it over with. I'd shoot him, but you're against that so I recommend a fast track to the bird cage. The city block was me destroying his base, sorry about that. Later!
-The Commander."
She could tell her life was only going to get more complicated from here.
Should that last section be in Italics?
BiasedMendicant
Rogue AI
- Location
- The Moon
This is amazing.
Best thing I've read all week.
Sakuya's Butler
A refined Butler to a knife wielding Mistress.
- Location
- ↓, ↘, → + Punch
AFAIK this is within the necro time limit.
Soooooooo..............
Check for a pulse?
Soooooooo..............
Check for a pulse?
Glitchrr36
Slick's Short Company, CEO
- Location
- The Wastes
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Still writing, probably the next chapter will be the last for a bit as I try to develop a ten or so chapter buffer of prewriten chapters
- Location
- The Great Beyond
- Pronouns
- He/She/They
Fun fact, you have to check a little check box if it's so old as to be considered a Necro that 'no really, I really do mean to post in this old, dead, thread'.
Glitchrr36
Slick's Short Company, CEO
- Location
- The Wastes
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Hey, just a minor heads up, there is a scene involving the E88 talking in the next chapter, which is about 3/4ths done right now. Just want to make it clear that any and all slurs (I will be avoiding most of them, but some are kind of necessary when dealing with a group based around racism) are not my personal feelings, and are used to portray a truly awful group more faithfully.
Sakuya's Butler
A refined Butler to a knife wielding Mistress.
- Location
- ↓, ↘, → + Punch
Neo Nazi will be Neo Nazi. Its kinda expected. Thus why its so. damn. cathartic. to see them getting their asses kicked in.
Finbar
Generic Minion #314
- Location
- Sydney
Just remember, Nazi jokes when taking them down are your friend.
"He did nazi that coming" being the leading contender.
Also asking if Kaiser wants to be just like Hitler, then asking why he hasn't had a testicle surgically removed, and offering to do it with your gun also works.
Feel free to slap down Hookwolf with a Hyper-science club, made up to look like a rolled up newspaper.
*Brutal takedown on Krieg* "Thats the Blitz Krieg, thats the blitz"
"Medcorp, a greater hive of scum and villainy you'll not find anywhere else"
"Out of curiosity Rune? How do you keep yourself flying five floors up when I've just turned your slap of concrete into dust?"
"I love Alabaster. You get to punch his intestines out through his nose and then five seconds later, he's fine again. No physical evidence of brutality"
"Night? I see you! Night Night!!" *wham*
"Fog? Gosh, if only I had a sealed environmental apperatus built into my suit. In the mean time, Aquavac!"
"Cricket? No, too easy. Seriously, do you have any idea how many wire-fu Grasshopper jokes I could make right now? You suck, your name sucks and you fail."
"He did nazi that coming" being the leading contender.
Also asking if Kaiser wants to be just like Hitler, then asking why he hasn't had a testicle surgically removed, and offering to do it with your gun also works.
Feel free to slap down Hookwolf with a Hyper-science club, made up to look like a rolled up newspaper.
*Brutal takedown on Krieg* "Thats the Blitz Krieg, thats the blitz"
"Medcorp, a greater hive of scum and villainy you'll not find anywhere else"
"Out of curiosity Rune? How do you keep yourself flying five floors up when I've just turned your slap of concrete into dust?"
"I love Alabaster. You get to punch his intestines out through his nose and then five seconds later, he's fine again. No physical evidence of brutality"
"Night? I see you! Night Night!!" *wham*
"Fog? Gosh, if only I had a sealed environmental apperatus built into my suit. In the mean time, Aquavac!"
"Cricket? No, too easy. Seriously, do you have any idea how many wire-fu Grasshopper jokes I could make right now? You suck, your name sucks and you fail."
Glitchrr36
Slick's Short Company, CEO
- Location
- The Wastes
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I will use at least most of these. There is nothing you can do to stop me
- Status