I've been subtly directing Jack towards my direction with railgun fire to his feet. He seems to be getting the hint, so I'm prepared to give him a verbal smackdown the likes of which he dreams he could give.
I also turn off all vibrational and audio sensory devices within about twenty miles of myself so he couldn't talk his way out of this.
And there's the man himself. Better give him the warmest welcome I feel he deserves. I send out tendrils of Goop, and like that he's restrained.
"Sup fuckface. How does it feel having everything you've ever built come crashing down around you? Like when you found out your parents were psychos? Maybe you want to go back in your box? Get away from how scary the real world is?"
Now, that last statement may seem random and nonsensical, but it had the exact effect I was looking for. His eyes widened and he stiffened.
Now, Jack's trigger, according to Wildbow, had been getting let out of the bunker his sick fucking parents had stuck him in for some inane reasons most likely related to mental illness, and then finding out surprise! World War Three hadn't broken out, you just have shitty parents!
It was this knowledge that allowed me to prep his own personal hell.
"So, Jackie boy, how does it feel? Oh wait, I can't hear you, because just because you don't know you've been cheating your way around, doesn't mean you can't do so. You have a thinker power to coerce parahumans, which is why the nine has lasted this long. I'm going to bet you actually thought you had enough charisma to lead your merry gang of murder hobos as long as you did."
I turned to look at him, watching his lips flap. It was funny.
"Well, that's all the time we have for today, so, good luck Fucknozzle McDouchecunt. Have a nice ride."
Another quick teleport, a quick spritzing with nanobots, and an engaging of thrusters bringing Jack's little cell to the slow speed of 10km/s, he began his long, slow trip towards the nearest star.
"I hope you like Elevator Muzak, Jack, because that's what you get to hear for the next 131 thousand and eight years on your trip to another star. I'm not going to let you die, either. So, have fun! I'll even give you a window, so you can see the endless expanses of existence, of which you won't be able to affect at all. I think you'll find it amusing you're going to die with a whimper, when nobody even remembers your name. Or not. It could go either way. One last thing, I'm changing your perception of time, so every second will feel like a second, and you'll be completely rational the whole time. No space madness for you, buckeroo!"
And with that, I cut the connection to the little box flying towards another star at low velocities. I'll speed it up enough to break the gravity well of the sun, but that'll be about it. I also make sure to pull out the connection to Broadcast to see about popping it into my brain like I did with Dragon's shard. Fascinating thing, that. It tingled a bit in my code before everything smoothed out.
Now on to something else!
=====================================================================
So it turns out converting a large portion of the surrounding atmosphere around someone's head to hydrogen cyanide is actually pretty fucking lethal! Who would have thought?
Probably not the Three Blasphemies, who are currently lying on the ground, dead. They tend to respawn if the others are alive, but if not, well… they don't.
One more problem out of the way, and more shards for my mind. This is probably a good thing. Or not, who can fucking tell. All I need are some of the big storage shards, so if Eidolon or Glastig ever kick the bucket for whatever reason I've got those. Or Taylor, should worst come to worst, though she seems to be enjoying life so that'd make me feel like a dick.
Eh, It doesn't particularly matter.
Or I could copy it. I think that's a good idea.
Should probably start prepping for the next Endbringer. I'll need to talk to Flechette first, but other than that all I need is to finish prepping Operation: Soft Rain to deal with the fucker.
Dis Gun B Gud.
=====================================================================
That was monumentally tedious. Fucking paperwork man. All I wanted to do was pick through a minor's hippocampus with exotic matter. Is that too fucking much to ask? Apparently it is, if the fact that they had a guy behind a wall with an anti-tank rifle pointed at me the whole time indicated anything. Not that it'd do shit, in any case.
Well, it's done, I can pretty much replicate Sting's effects, and am in the process of accessing the Shard itself. Being able to shoot AP:yes projectiles is pretty appealing.
Then I can deal with the Endbringers, which free me up so I can deal with Zion, then consume Eden's corpse, then go about eating any other hostile entities, then move on.
Blah, who to deal with next? The Fallen probably.
Huh, a quick check on their secure networks shows they've been looking for me. I guess they were a little angry about what I did.
Meh, fuck 'em. I can deal with them after I kill one of their sorry gods.
I'll deal with all of the fucking asswipes in Africa. Engaging teleportation grid. There goes Moord Nag, Aphula, Oku Aka, Tekusi, and a half dozen other warlords. Now to steal their powers.
And there go the shards, to be added to the growing mini-entity that is me. And Sting, which I just stole a bud from.
should probably see if I can do something about the resource issues. Availability of resources is the start of most wars and all, so if everyone has enough food, water, and power, conflict should go down. Anyone who tries to monopolize it can get fucking Dox'd.
And now to see what I can do about the remaining issues.
=====================================================================
"Colin, you'd better look at this."
Dragon only ever interrupted his work if it was something important. Still, he was almost done with the updates to the predictive system's code, and loathed distraction at any point in tinkering, but especially when he was this far along. Still, he got up and looked.
"Alright, what am I looking at?"
The image showed a craft hanging in LEO, of a design he had never seen before. The overall shape was almost arrowhead like, and barring some small gun emplacements and arms, almost featureless. The bottom was dominated by a large, almost missile like object, though it didn't have what Colin would call a rocket motor, in fact, it was shaped differently than any other method of propulsion he'd ever seen, including some very advanced Tinker ones, though it had some similarities with the fusion rocket design he'd seen for one of the theoretical Endbringer killer weapons, and had what looked like the interior of a ramjet from the suit following it at a few thousand kilometers. The colors of the craft marked it as probably belonging to Commander, and given the scale superimposed on the image it had to be at least as large as the Rig, if not larger, as he couldn't tell the dimensions overall from the angle it was at. Strobing panels pulsed a dull red along the surface, seemingly altering the ship's course.
After watching it and discussing the potential purposes for about fifteen minutes, it apparently reached the correct point, and released the rod, the clamp arms retracting into the hull with nary a seam. Small glowing bands similar to the ones on the mothership began pulsing, correcting the course and sending it into the atmosphere.
"What's it doing? It's not above much of anything right now just the South...Atlantic...Pull up a map of Leviathan's movements, please." If his hunch was right…
The map showed a familiar line squiggling around the bottom of the South Atlantic. He'd been looking at a similar image scant hours ago, working on the software before hitting a block and needed to relax by working out some kinks in his combat predictive software.
It was also directly in the path of what he now realized was a KKV the size of a blue whale.
The outer covering began to burn away as it assumed a course that would, in approximately five minutes, intersect with the rough area of Leviathan. As it began heating up, a strange black glow began emanating from the sharp nose.
"Is he going to try to hit leviathan with a kinetic projectile?" Dragon sounded incredulous. Colin just sat there with his jaw open for a few seconds before Dragon's question registered.
"I…I think so. He's either the most moronic individual to ever try to kill one of the beasts, from the sheer cost that ship would require to be built, or is going to be most smug in a few minutes because, honestly? With the bullshit he's already pulled off I wouldn't be surprised if this works."
As they talked and watched the projectile fall via the camera one of Dragon's high speed drones carried, small fins continued to alter the projectile's path as it accelerated to speeds in excess of mach thirty-two, the design of the bizarre thruster at the rear revealing its purpose when a gout of superheated plasma spewed from the rear, and a massive shockwave that would likely be felt on the coasts of every continent bordering that the ocean formed behind it. After a time that felt paradoxically endless and all too short, the KKV hit the water, smoothly sliding in as the thruster began using water for thrust, somehow, and lost almost no speed before going down and keeping a direct path toward the wildly zigzagging monster. Seconds later, the surface of the ocean exploded in a cloud of water taller than any skyscraper. Waves began propagating outward, and would likely remain massive as they hit the coasts of the world. But the real important thing was going on under the waves.
The point on the graph indicated Leviathan stopped, as a massive thermal bloom occurred, further compounding to the potential death toll this would cause. A few minutes later, the drone entered the water, and began moving down towards where Leviathan had last been spotted.
The eighty foot long, two foot wide kinetic projectile had apparently slammed into Leviathan, and passed right through. Like a puppet with it's strings cut, it was drifting loosely on the roiling current formed from what a very quick calculation was likely an explosion between sixty and seventy million tons of TNT exploding in the deep ocean. Very soon after, a flash of light signified the arrival of a small submarine, again with Commander's colors, which proceeded to grab the corpse of the Endbringer and disappear with another flash, but deposited a small block with an antenna on it, which projected a shield big enough to contain the worst of the waves to minimize damage.
Colin looked at the image of Dragon.
Dragon looked at Colin.
Colin reached under his desk, and pressed a button. Seconds later, one of the support columns near his workspace had a small hatch open with a puff of condensation, revealing a bottle of hard liquor that probably cost as much as an average motorcycle.
Colin took a long pull straight from the bottle.
"You don't normally drink."
"I believe it to be appropriate. Now to go inform Legend and Piggot."
Dragon nodded, and began working on her own reports, and press releases, because this wouldn't stay under wraps for long.
=====================================================================
Dave was pretty content with his life. He'd made enough money to retire early, and was living out his dreams to live in Cali and surf as often as possible. The news had promised some righteous swells, and it did not disappoint.
After a few hours riding the waves, he took a break to grab a snack. Sitting on his towel, he noticed someone walking in towards shore, that he hadn't noticed before. He shrugged and continued to munch on the bag of chips. Swimmers walking back onto shore wasn't uncommon.
Five minutes later, he heard grunting, and was shocked to see the person from before was wearing a massive hooked mask, armor on his limbs, and a pair of Hawaiian print swim trunks with a shirt from the Monterey Aquarium. Even more surprising, however, was the massive, green and black thing he was carrying. Dave couldn't make out what it was but it was big.
"Need some help, dude?" he called, hoping to not get an answer, because cape shit was always bad news, unless it was a Protectorate PR stunt. The man stopped and looked at him.
"Yeah, man. I need directions to the PRT national HQ." He said with a heavily synthesised voice and the faintest hints of a southern twang.
"Uh, sure, just head up the street behind me and take a left on 14th. I think there's a tour station there, they have pamphlets that should have directions." The cape gave him a thumbs up, and and went back to hauling his cargo out of the surf. With a start, dave recognized the form of the middle child of the Endbringers, which was limp and looked like it had gone through hell, with a massive hole through the center of the torso bleeding black ichor, and most of its skin charred black. Its eyes were dark, and it wasn't dripping any more than something just pulled from the sea would. The cape dropped the tail, and walked over to dave, and handed him a slightly damp hundred dollar bill.
"Thanks man. I'll go and collect my bounty, should be out of your way in a bit. Waves are really nice, I can see why you're out here when the water's forty degrees."
Dave just nodded, and the cape walked off to continue hauling the Sunderer of Kyushu up the beach, eventually bringing a little floating dolly out of nowhere and hauling the carcass on it. A tourist was taking pictures, and Dave could hear the distinctive "Weeeeroooo" of the PRT vans approaching. The Cape payed it no heed, and continued walking until out of sight from the beach.
Dave went back to surfing, and tried to forget what he'd seen.
=====================================================================
Rebecca Costa-Brown was having a fairly average morning until one of the various phones rang, and the regional director started babbling about Endbringers. She waited, then had him start over, and talk slower.
"Right, uh, ma'am. Uh, some...some guy, matches the files on Commander, the uh, guy, on the east coast, just dragged Leviathan, uh, out of the ocean, and is now walking towards my building. And Leviathan is dead. What do I do?" He sounded close to tears, and she tried to remain calm. After a few minutes she responded.
"I'm sending Alexandria to deal with this, just wait for her."
Telling her secretary to hold her calls for a bit, she Door'd in her body double, and suited up to go meet Commander.
A few minutes later, she arrived at the location, flying from the Protectorate headquarters nearby. And sure enough, there was Commander, hauling the thing with the single highest body count on the planet, and it was in a sorry state. The cape dragging it looked up and waved.
"Hi Alexandria! Just thought I'd come claim my reward for this. I got some new stuff and wanted to test it out, and decided Leviathan was the easiest target. Are there any protocols for this or do I just get an island or something?"
What.
Leviathan being the easiest to kill…?
WHAT!?
"Uhhh...I don't think we have anything for killing an Endbringer, but I'll call some people to take the body off your hands, if you want."
"Sure, I'd like it back though. I want to see if I can pose it so it looks like the Birth of Venus painting. Or I'll cut off the head and use it as an ottoman. One of the two."
This man was clearly fucking insane.