To be entirely honest, Dragon wasn't quite sure how to respond to the fact that this interesting, though otherwise not particularly notable tinker had rolled up to an Enbringer fight with what was likely to be more tanks than many armed forces had, as well as worrying amounts of WMDs and a terrifying lack of shits to give about things like "Acceptable levels of fire power," or "not landing an army on foreign territory without warning," or even things like "Nukes are bad news." Armsmaster, however, did.
"...and next off how much power would even be used to power everything? If it's transmitted power, like the readings suggest whenever I get a sensor pointed at his technology, due to the lack of waste heat being emitted that would suggest an internal power source, , it has to be either a very efficient or be providing tremendous amounts of energy, in either case I really would like to get some designs because I could shave weight down by roughly 35 percent due to not needing batteries, which I could use to install those anti-grave plates Kid Win designed…"
He'd been going on like this for about thirty minutes. She interjected every now and then, as there was a fairly large number of excellent ideas being thrown out, but something was bothering her. She'd figure it out eventually, for now she was trying to figure out what the hell was up with commander.
First off, the number of robots he deployed was staggering. The few mass production Tinkers could generally not mass produce tinker tech, barring their own. They could mass produce everything else, just not tinker tech. Building robots that large is something a few tinkers had tried, and while it could be done, they generally only worked for around thirty minutes before failing, and they were slow and cumbersome. Commander's were at points reaching dozens of meters per second, and moving over fucked up terrain.
Next was the missiles. From what she could tell before the black sphere formed, those were thermonuclear warheads, and were likely very, very powerful ones at that, given nothing suggested Commander was one to half ass his nuclear weapons arsenal. That was going to keep more than a few politicians up at night, given that a parahuman with nuclear capabilities, a complete disregard for the authority of groups like the PRT, and a lack of mental stability (all of which applied to Commander) was widely considered an apocalypse scenario.
Then there was that last thing he did, which she was drawing a mental blank on. Being no longer limited by her shackles had allowed her to start working on hardware to make her mind more human, but that led, frustratingly enough, to moments like this. Then an immense cloud of steam caused by the ocean finally hitting superheated rock and rising from the yawning hole where the city had been to remind her.
"Armsmaster." She had cut him off from a small diatribe about how impossible some of the feats demonstrated by Commander's tech should be impossible, even for tinkers. He'd said the same thing a few times, so she felt it was okay to interrupt.
"Yes, Dragon? What is it?" He looked vaguely confused, but he'd stopped talking.
"Since, well, Commander is from your city, not mine, would you mind asking him to put Brockton back?" She could tell he'd blinked owlishly behind his visor, and he turned to see the crater that had been his city.
"Um, yes. Of course." He walked over and cleared his throat to acquire the other tinker's attention.
"Commander? We'd, uh, like you to put the city back, please."
=====================================================================
Dragon was sitting near me, having a discussion with Armsy about something that was probably unimportant, and after a while her suit managed to get him to come over to me. He cleared his throat and made me realise I was dumb at times.
"Commander? We'd, uh, like you to put the city back, please."
My Avatar blinked, stared at him for a second, then nodded.
A few seconds later, Brockton was back to where it was supposed to be. I had to clear up a chunk of the mantle that had started seeping into the basin that was formed, though. Silly molten rock, you can't burble up here.
Then I realized I had to reconnect everything, so I sent some fabbers around reattaching electrical conduits and things.
After that, I went back to mentally trying to figure out how to get a couple thousand Ragnaroks inside an Endbringer.
Some progress was made, but I didn't have enough data on their internal structure to successfully make a plan.
=====================================================================
After a while, the Conspiracy Brigade decided they wanted to talk to me. They sent in the Glowey One first, since the other two had the charisma and tact of a pair of glaring fence posts.
I stood up, and Legend came to a stop in front of me.
He cleared his throat, and began speaking. "Would you kindly come with us so we can bring up some important things, please?"
I shrugged. I'd been expecting this. "Sure, why not. You should probably teach your buddies how to be charismatic and not just pieces of statuary with disapproving looks on their faces, it'd help with the PR crap you guys do."
He chuckled a bit, while Alexandria managed to frown harder. I was kind of surprised she could, she was already a 9.7 on the poutiness meter. I guess that leaves ten, though.
They led me into a tent that quickly had a window bordered by yellowish flickering to a dark room that wasn't on this Earth. We all stepped through, and it closed, with another opening and a number of body doubles stepped out, except one for me. Guessing what I had to do, I quickly created and ported another body into the tent, where things like tinker tech licensing were discussed, so if anyone came in to talk about important news they wouldn't find an empty tent. Clever.
Shifting the part of my consciousness that was used for dealing with over people over to cauldron, who had brought in the Number Man, Contessa, and the person with a name on par with the abomination that is Uncle Grandpa, Doctor Mother.
The last of those people clears her throat, and begins talking.
"Commander, we are Cauldron, and we want your help saving the world."
That was obviously supposed to be something intended to throw me off guard, but given the fact I knew a fair portion of their motives, it didn't have the effect she intended.
"Yeah, I'm working on a solution for Zion. I'll need to see if I can replicate Sting's effects, and if possible Manton's, but if I can the Endbringers are just so much pseudo biological matter that I need to dispose of. I have incredibly crude, but effective and improving even now, ways of controlling Shards, so I may be able to subvert the Big Golden Space Whale, but if not, I'm working on enough battleplanets that he should be defeatable if plan A fails."
Everyone except Contessa and Dentist Grandmother looked at me in that kind of "bwa?!?" way, like they hadn't expected the guy who pulled an army of killer robots almost literally out of his ass to know things.
"And how, exactly, are you aware of these things?" Psychiatrist Aunt was giving me a curious expression, there. Makes sense.
"Oh, that's simple. I read about this whole situation in a work of internet fiction called
Worm in early 2015. It was basically what happened in this whole fucking thing, starring the girl I saved a few weeks ago. She ends up letting bonesaw fuck with her powers, then puppets like seven thousand parahumans. You guys are the incompetent conspiracy. And now I'm here, derailing it. Ain't multiversal travel is funny?" I then proceeded to shrug and fabricate a can of Orange Soda to sip at as Eidolon spewed the sip of water he'd been taking directly through where Contessa's head was around a second before. Surgeon Babushka actually looked perturbed by this, which was a win in my books.
"It isn't that unlikely, when you consider that in this Infinite Multiverse of ours anything can happen. The chances of us right now being in a work of fanfiction being written by an alternate version of myself are practically guaranteed, honestly. At least that jackoff didn't decide to make this harder for me."
Simultaneously, they all, barring the precog, uttered the phrase "What." in the exact same inflection. It was great. The face on Proctologist Nana was something I will cherish forever.
"In any case, I do have plans for all of the fuckasses that galavant around Bet, so if you could kindly not get in my way while I make Slash taste his own colon, that would be appreciated. Also, try not to be colossal fuckwits from now on, kay?"
"How are you doing this." It wasn't a request, or a question that leaked out of the grey caped heroine. It was a demand.
"Simple, my dear. Commander isn't just a name or a title, it's what I am."
I stood, and delivered my final thoughts.
"Remember! Dadversary made the Endbringers, there are more entities, buy gold, bye!"
I then teleported away and got to ramping up for the next couple of things I needed to do.
=====================================================================
Alexandria blinked. Legend blinked. It was Number Man who broke the silence.
"What the fuck just happened?"
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So let's see who's first on the pain list? Nilbog would be pretty easy to deal with, since he was antisocial and just wanted to be left alone and I just had the greatest idea.
I sent a biofabber through a portal to a world with no life on it. Next, I began to convert all the usable material into cyanobacteria. Then, put the entire planet under temporal acceleration (thanks, Chronos!) until the atmosphere was breathable. Then I went to go make an appointment with the Goblin King.
=====================================================================
My Avatar popped back into existence on top of the PRT's huge wall that separated the pleasant New York landscape from the barren expanse inside. I didn't see any of the bizzaro freaks I was lead to believe populated the town, but I figured they were hiding inside the various dilapidated, ramshackle buildings that were probably the suburbs at one point.
Jumping down was likewise quite easy, and I set off and began to mosey along to nowhere in particular, as the pickets would come along soon.
Sure enough, around ten minutes into my walk, a set of
loping,
misshapen things came up and started screeching at me. I stopped, and waited patiently for them to settle into aggressive stances.
"Peace, friends. I come to make an offer with your Lord, and have gifts."
I was banking on Nilbog making his beasts smart enough to understand me, and, as luck would have it, the one with the eyes was. It squawked at its compatriots, and they formed a sort of ring around me, seemingly protecting me and preventing me from going off on my own, as they lead me through the rundown city, past the remains of the PRT's firefight, and the other curious beasts made by the goblin king.
As I got farther in, the buildings turned from houses that have been left to decay, to buildings left to decay, to a sort of bizarre, fairy tale setting of whimsical cottages and tiny castles that were obviously parts of other buildings glued together by secretions of one sort or another.
Finally, I arrived at the center of the city, and lay my eyes upon a building that wouldn't have been out of place in
The Nightmare Before Christmas. As I was lead to the gates, small, monkey-ish things with drooling probosci and arms that split at each of their far too many joints pushed the doors open, showing a lavishly decorated hall, and at the end, a massive thrown with a portly man with a cloth sack over his head resting upon it.
He called out. "Interloper! What have you come to my citadel for? None who have previously entered have left alive! What makes you think you will be the first?" He gestured for me to begin, and a gentle prod from one of my guards prompted me on what my next action should be.
I held back my comment about Piggot and Calvert, and bowed deeply.
"Goblin King! I wish to make an offer to you. I am aware of your troubling lack of new material for your subjects, and the world's fear of you. I wish to alleviate both woes."
He sat forward in his seat, staring at me, and from what my ground penetrating scanners were telling me, the curiosity levels of his real body were increasing as well.
"How, pray tell, will you accomplish this?"
"Simple, Your Highness. Are you aware of Earth Aleph?"
"Indeed I am, though I doubt they would like me any more than the simpletons of this realm."
"That is correct. However, it introduces the basic concept behind my offer. There are more than two Earths, and I have found one and prepared it for you. All you need to do to take advantage is gather up all of your followers into one organism, and follow me. I have prepared a portal some miles outside the walls, and wish to lead you and your creations to a glorious future. As a bonus point, you can stick it to those that tried to kill you, and they won't be able to do anything about it."
He considered it for a moment, then nodded. I guess he was sick of the same couple dozen seventy foot high walls, and the stuff I derived from sneaking nanobots onto Family Man's shard to reverse engineer it probably helped. He began ordering his things into the room, and started melting them down into a pink-brown slurry that slowly began to form a six legged thing roughly the size of a couple of titans stacked atop each other. After about ten minutes, we had a thing with a fairly tiny body and all of the legs, which Nilbog proceeded to mount, and with me teleporting on top, we set off.
=====================================================================
After a couple close calls with Dragon's suits, some ground attack aircraft, a number of panicked PRT phone calls, and the steed stumbling because it turns out stilt feet aren't stable, we arrived at the giant dimensional gate I had built.
I waved goodbye to the Goblin King, told him the portal would self destruct after he went in, gave him some last minute tips and reminders, such as if he didn't make a way to enrich the atmosphere with oxygen he'd suffocate and I wouldn't bail him out, that he shouldn't try to get back because I'd probably have to kill everything, and gave him a little messenger thing so that when he set up his colony I could bring some cake.
With that, I jumped off his steed, and watched as the thing went through the portal, crossed him off my list, and went to go deal with the next item on my to-do list.
Normally in Worm fics, people weren't proactive about the Nine. Let's see what that changes, hmm?