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My Life As An Undead Abomination (Original/LitRPG)

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Loving this fic and concept already, never read a zombie gamer fic before, at least a non-SI one. The progression is nice since the zombie is relatively dumb still and just learning. Also 7ft hmm, it makes me thing of the Dead Island Thug zombies
 
This is a superb depiction of perfectly rational, understandable and utterly inhuman thought processes. A rare gem of internet fiction.

Why always head indeed.
 
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Oh man. I love this.

I'm really looking forward to an eventuality where our daring zombtagonist admits that he's an aspiring Meat Farmer to "friendly" Meats. Oh boy.
 
But really though, if you could get a massive, supernaturally fast/strong/tough zombie-killing zombie on your side in exchange for feeding it dead bodies (and maybe ignoring it eating people from outside your own settlement)... shit, I'd be down. There'd be safety precautions, obviously, letting it inside your defences would be a fucking terrible idea, but the added survivability...

This is great, by the way. Looking forward to more Meat Story.
 
Rokoran said:
But really though, if you could get a massive, supernaturally fast/strong/tough zombie-killing zombie on your side in exchange for feeding it dead bodies (and maybe ignoring it eating people from outside your own settlement)... shit, I'd be down. There'd be safety precautions, obviously, letting it inside your defences would be a fucking terrible idea, but the added survivability...

This is great, by the way. Looking forward to more Meat Story.
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When they ask him what he means about being a meat farmer I hope he gives a logical and scientific explanation with big words but in zombie speak. Like how he noticed the exponential rate of consumption of meat would become unsustainable and eventually cause meat to go extinct. So Zombie-kun is now farming them.

Lol. Humanity is an endangered species.
 
Ancient Scholar said:
When they ask him what he means about being a meat farmer I hope he gives a logical and scientific explanation with big words but in zombie speak. Like how he noticed the exponential rate of consumption of meat would become unsustainable and eventually cause meat to go extinct. So Zombie-kun is now farming them.

Lol. Humanity is an endangered species.
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This needs to happen, if only for the dawning realization in the humans that Zombie-kun is actually way smarter than his words make him sound, and is in fact smarter than many humans in the past who completely failed to even consider the possibility of limited resources.

Dude is a zombie and hasn't even been able to cogitate for more than like a month or so and he's already thinking about long-term resource sustainability; that alone pegs him as more intelligent than a good quarter of the pre-apocalypse human population at least.
 
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Rokoran said:
But really though, if you could get a massive, supernaturally fast/strong/tough zombie-killing zombie on your side in exchange for feeding it dead bodies (and maybe ignoring it eating people from outside your own settlement)... shit, I'd be down. There'd be safety precautions, obviously, letting it inside your defences would be a fucking terrible idea, but the added survivability...

This is great, by the way. Looking forward to more Meat Story.
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While it would probaly help whoever gets the über zombie on their side, they will probaly earn all the other humans anger for "Siding with the enemy"
 
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    • Ow. Ow wow wow wow. Owo. Gun hurts. Never get shoot again. Not fun. Made hole on face! Hole smaller now. Is good.

    Much time since Tiny Meat shoot me. Pain make me fall down. Tiny Meat run away after. I angry at Tiny Meat. Tiny Meat hurt me! Next time see Tiny Meat, I eat even if no Hunger.

    …Why? Hmm. I not know. Feel like right thing to do. Make me happy. Happy? What is happy? Funny word. Happy, happy, happy…

    I try find Tiny Meat again. Or other Meat. Either good.

    . . .

    Achievement Unlocked!
    Rainy Day Fund
    Have 1,000 EXP in your Bank.    ​
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    New words again. I smash Kin and this show up. Must learn read soon.

    . . .

    Much walking. Dark now. Kin sleep now. I not sleep, though. Not sleep any. Is good. More time do stuff. I not sleep since remember words. Many things new since remember words. Why? I not know. I not same as Kin like before. Mystery!

    I try talk like before. Talk better now. Sometime Kin think I Meat when hear. No problem, smash them anyway.

    Oh! I see Meat. Not Tiny Meat. I Hungry? No. Hmm. Long time since Hunger last. Longer now between Hungers than before between Hungers but after I remember words. What change? Must find out.

    Anyways. Meat up there. I say hello. Hope not shoot this time.

    . . .

    David looked down from upon his lookout tower at the figure that was walking up to the gate. Lifting his rifle to chest level caused its barrel to glean in the pale moonlight. His current task was to protect this end of the walled-off street from anyone that might try to get through. Honestly, he didn't expect anything to actually happen during his shift. The zeds tended to go inactive when the sun went down, so everyone took the chance to catch up on their rest without having to worry about the undead creeping up on them.

    Well, mostly everyone, anyway.

    David could make out the bat that was loosely gripped in the figure's hand. Unfortunately, the angle of the moonlight obscured their front, leaving a shadowy silhouette. He didn't need to see their definitions to realize just how tall they were, however. Slightly intimidated, David cleared his throat and began to speak. "That's far enough, stranger." The figure stopped where they stood, waiting. "Who are you?"

    "I is Kin," came the slurred reply. "Who you?" David's eyes widened. He would have to handle this delicately.

    "Well, Ken," answered the man, "my name is David. What brings you here tonight, Ken?"

    "Need help. You help?"

    "Maybe. What kinda' help do you need?"

    "Need learn words."

    "…words? You mean, you need someone to teach you how to read?" David clarified, incredulous.

    "Yes."

    This caught David off guard. Of all the possible things someone could ask for during the apocalypse, gaining literacy was not one of the more common ones.

    "I'll, uh, talk to my friend here and see what we can do." David reached down to his belt and brought up his radio transceiver. "John, could you come to the gate? Like, now?"

    "Heading over. Any trouble?" was the crackly response.

    "No, no, just… head up, you'll see for yourself." With that, David set the transceiver back into his belt. An awkward (for him, at least) silence descended between the two.

    "So, you good with that bat you got there?" said David.

    "Yes. Much smash. Easy."

    "Well, that," David wet his lips, "that's good."

    More silence.

    "I'm here, Dave. What's up?"

    "Ah, John, thanks. Just come up here with me, you'll see."

    "Alright. Now, what's got you all worked- oh."

    "Yeah. John, this is Ken. Ken, this is my friend, John."

    "Hello John," said the figure.

    "Dave, what's going on here?"

    David leaned towards John's ear, intent on whispering his reply.

    "John, I think this poor man's a bit… simple."

    John leaned back, glancing down at the poorly illuminated figure below them, before leaning forward to resume his conversation.

    "And?" he asked with one eyebrow raised.

    "What do you mean, 'And'? We can't just leave this guy on our doorstep."

    "Well, what does he want? You never said."

    "Oh, right," David admitted sheepishly. "Yeah, he wants someone to make him literate."

    John stared at his fellow with his bagged eyes. "…Right." He walked over to the siding of the tower. "You down there, whoever you are-"

    "He said 'is name's Ken."

    "Right, Ken, listen. Say we were to teach you how to read. What would you do for us, in turn?"

    . . .

    Talk going well! No shoot me. Always good. Meat ask what give if Meat teach words. Hmm. Think what Meat want. Ah. Meat always try smash Kin. Promise that?

    . . .

    "I smash for you. I good with bat. Smash many on way here!" 'Ken' proudly announced after some delay. The two men on the tower turned to each other.

    "This guy gets into scraps with the Zed and comes out on top? That's pretty good," muttered David.

    "I will admit, having another strong arm would be useful right now," conceded John. "Very well. Dave, you stay here and keep an eye on our new friend. I'll go wake up the others."

    "Got it, boss." With that said, David turned back to their apparent new inductee. "So, seems we've got a deal, Ken."

    "Ha ha! Very good. I learn Words!"

    David chuckled at Ken's enthusiasm.

    . . .

    This going so well! I find Meat, I learn Words, all is good!

    . . .

    After a bit of waiting, David was given the go-ahead by John to let 'Ken' through the gate. David could see each of the six other members of their group gathered around a lantern in the middle of the street. Each of them had tired but happy expressions on their faces, the unpleasantness of being woken up midway through their rest being overridden by the joy of finding a new fellow in this apocalypse. As 'Ken' walked closer to the group and into the illumination of the lantern, each of their faces slowly shifted into a mask of horror. They were moments away from grabbing the weapons at their sides when the monster spoke to them.

    "Ah, I know faces! You is surprised!"
     
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    • Ken! He's got a name! Learn what humor is, and that he shouldn't eat sentient and he'll be a real boy in no time at all.
     
    Wentley said:
    Ken! He's got a name! Learn what humor is, and that he shouldn't eat sentient and he'll be a real boy in no time at all.
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    Organic cruelty free farming methods involve only eating meat that dies of natural causes. Absolutely no reason Ken can't eat long pork as long as he farms ethically.

    Now, when he starts bitching about antibiotic free and hormone free, THEN the people should complain about the terms of their agreement, but up until that point...
     
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