I think Ixy was actually just a figurehead. Her body produced the Mariage cores, but someone else controlled the darn things. Ixy seemed to have no control over them at all.
Magical Tinker Lyrical Taylor Worm/MGLN
- Thread starter Hoyden
- Start date
I think Ixy was actually just a figurehead. Her body produced the Mariage cores, but someone else controlled the darn things. Ixy seemed to have no control over them at all.
FullNothingness
Mostly DHMO.
Yeah, it is unlikely to amount to anything in this story.
But a last point to comment about dynasties there, Annette did have a living grandfather and a heriditary system in place for long enough that having a hereditary heir mattered to the country. So Taylor is at least unlikely to be designed to not live to old age.
Ixy seemed to be more of a final fuck you system.
OverReactionGuy
Verified Sanity
Canis
Shoulder Puppy
- Location
- United States
Not to my knowledge. I think it was character design holdover from the Triangle Hearts spin-off that ultimately spawned the MGLN we know. Like as not that aspect of her backstory got put on a bus with Yuno (poor, poor Yuno
)
4rt1ll3ry
Transhuman Cyborg in progress
Yep, Belka are great.
Everyone else is like, that's not natural, that's a crime against nature.
The Belkan's are like, oh complete combat cybernetics augmentation package for this 12 year old, must be Tuesday.
Magic can't bring back the dead they said, well obviously they aren't using the right stuff yet. SCIENCE must move onward and upward.
*Game Theory!Precia Intensifies*
To prepend this... All suggestions are just that: Suggestions. It's your story, feel free to ignore/skip over as you prefer. Basically, I'm not going line-by-line and doing C&C because I dislike reading something. I'm doing it because I enjoy it and, because of that enjoyment, I MUST DESTROY IT.
Or, phrased differently and quoting an absent friend: I handle other fanfic authors Nanoha-style. Grit those teeth! C&C incoming! Prepare to be befriended!
(It seems appropriate.)
Also, I tend to pretty much go stream of thought on this stuff. Feel free to find that page down button and dash on through, if you want.
Alternatively: That SWAT team should NOT have called Missy "short stuff." Some things just can't be ignored, you know?
A sentence should carry a single thought in it. In this case, first thought is the ass kicking the squad received. The second sentence/thought is about the reaction it inspires.
Suggested: "He hadn't even been aiming for her, instead attempting to snatch the Mayor's niece. The pre-teen could be used as leverage, but, beyond that, she had also been repeatedly telling all who would listen that she could see the future."
"or worse, the" --> "or, worse, the"
Missing comma.
"discarded timeline leaving none" --> "discarded timeline, which left none"
Missing comma and tense shift.
"or, rather,"
Missing commas.
"lax and" --> "lax, and"
I will never fail to defend the Oxford comma!
Also, comma splice again. Suggested: "This latest attempt had been opportunistic: His men[...]"
Missing comma.
Wrong punctuation.
"brute" --> "Brute"
In this case, Brute is a proper noun and should be capitalized.
Also, this sentence is a little awkward. I'd suggest: "Had she been sandbagging all this time, secretly hiding a Brute rating, not only from the public at large, but the PRT itself?"
(Bold added to emphasis the fact that he's not wanting to admit, even internally, that he's actually avoiding Vista here.)
Or, phrased differently and quoting an absent friend: I handle other fanfic authors Nanoha-style. Grit those teeth! C&C incoming! Prepare to be befriended!
(It seems appropriate.)
Also, I tend to pretty much go stream of thought on this stuff. Feel free to find that page down button and dash on through, if you want.
Is it EVER really a time for puns? Really? (No. No, it is not.)
This, of course, is opposed to the collection of bodies with their limbs twisted NATURALLY a block over. Vista's good that way. She keeps her body collections sorted.
Alternatively: That SWAT team should NOT have called Missy "short stuff." Some things just can't be ignored, you know?
Remember: Missy's survived more fights than anyone else on the Wards. She's tiny... but FIERCE.
You would think that at some point, Dinah would have said, "Hey, what're the chances that telling everyone I can see the future will horribly backfire? Oh, 100%? Maybe I shouldn't do that, then."
Another team of mercenaries who burst into tears at the sight of a junior high school.
"Okay, okay! I'll come over and make sure Vista isn't hiding under your bed... AGAIN."
unnaturally, litters
villan --> villain
Comma splices and missing commas. I'd suggest: "Two squads had been brutally dismantled in under five minutes. It was, quite frankly, terrifying what the child soldier could do."
A sentence should carry a single thought in it. In this case, first thought is the ass kicking the squad received. The second sentence/thought is about the reaction it inspires.
"Byron" --> "Biron"
Comma splices again, leading to a doozy of a run-on sentence.
Suggested: "He hadn't even been aiming for her, instead attempting to snatch the Mayor's niece. The pre-teen could be used as leverage, but, beyond that, she had also been repeatedly telling all who would listen that she could see the future."
tallent --> talent
"or worse, the" --> "or, worse, the"
Missing comma.
"lattest" --> "latest"
"discarded timeline leaving none" --> "discarded timeline, which left none"
Missing comma and tense shift.
"tried, he'd"
"or, rather,"
Missing commas.
"opertunistic" --> "opportunistic"
"lax and" --> "lax, and"
I will never fail to defend the Oxford comma!
Also, comma splice again. Suggested: "This latest attempt had been opportunistic: His men[...]"
"unarmoured, she"
Missing comma.
"." --> "?"
Wrong punctuation.
"brute" --> "Brute"
In this case, Brute is a proper noun and should be capitalized.
Also, this sentence is a little awkward. I'd suggest: "Had she been sandbagging all this time, secretly hiding a Brute rating, not only from the public at large, but the PRT itself?"
While I don't think it's TECHNICALLY incorrect (the BEST KIND of incorrect!), I think the flow works better with an em dash here. An em dash seems to be the most commonly used punctuation for an interrupted thought/sentence, whereas an ellipsis more often indicates a trailing off. ie.: "That's what he needed, something to keep Vis-the heroes away... Yes."
(Bold added to emphasis the fact that he's not wanting to admit, even internally, that he's actually avoiding Vista here.)
Another comma splice here. I'd suggest: "up and he"
And, finally, this is entirely a personal thing, but given that Coil's just decided on a path to take, I think the ellipsis ending this gives more of a hesitant feel versus a period, which would give a more clipped, authoritative tone. He's not trying to actively screw with her head at this point (any more than he usually does, at least), he's handing out a job. Thusly, purely professional, a realm where Coil is quite familiar.
azoicennead
Overly-Affectionate Zombie Squad
- Pronouns
- He/They
It's always a time for puns.
Except that pun time, that wasn't a time for puns.
Jonen C
F.M.D.G.
- Location
- Lincopense, Ostrogothia, Suecia
Powers want to be used.
Dinahs power happens to take the form that it works best when someone poses questions that can be answered with a numerical percentage chance of something happening.
For this to be used at maximum efficiency, others must be aware of it so they can ask the questions (more questions than Dinah can think of for herself).
Ergo, it must advertise.
... Imagine an AU where Dinah picks who to advertises to, and gets herself set up providing odds to a nice-guy-at-the-core-really mob bookie in exchange for protection against the likes of Coil.
Canis
Shoulder Puppy
- Location
- United States
For some reason I am now seeing a kindergarten age kid walking up to somebody that owes a bookie knowledge and proclaiming a 55% chance that the doctors will be able to restore his knees enough for him to walk under his own power if he doesn't hand over a certain portion of the money he owes the bookie.
- Location
- The end of all things
Sequels? How far is the current story going to go? Until Taylor decides to go to Belka or something?
Hoyden
Hugbot v0.28
- Location
- UK
This story runs upto the death of Scion. We're about halfway through, but some chapters might be longer, story only is on target for 40k words total. I've no idea how long it is with all the omake added in.
Second follows a Belkan Civil war and Wolkenrittter, aiming at 25-30k words total.
Third is a collection of shorts following various masters of the Book of Darkness. 10-15k words or there abouts.
Fourth covers A's and provides an exit point for the overall story arc.
Fifth could cover the timeskip and the reconstruction of reinforce.
Sixth would cover (SPOILER) and StrikerS timeline.
Seventh could cover (SPOILER) and (Spoiler) (Spoiler) (Spoiler) along with the rebirth of Belka.
That said I only have solid plot work done on this story so far. The second would have different tone to this story, more sweeping conflicts and grand schemes. (I blame too much Valkyria chronicles.)
Third would cross between horror and humour frequently. It wouldn't be a nice story.
Third is a collection of shorts following various masters of the Book of Darkness. 10-15k words or there abouts.
Fourth covers A's and provides an exit point for the overall story arc.
Fifth could cover the timeskip and the reconstruction of reinforce.
Sixth would cover (SPOILER) and StrikerS timeline.
Seventh could cover (SPOILER) and (Spoiler) (Spoiler) (Spoiler) along with the rebirth of Belka.
That said I only have solid plot work done on this story so far. The second would have different tone to this story, more sweeping conflicts and grand schemes. (I blame too much Valkyria chronicles.)
Third would cross between horror and humour frequently. It wouldn't be a nice story.
- Location
- The end of all things
Interesting. I had assumed the Worm portion of the story was going to last a bit longer than that, even if it was in the background for a while.
NemiTheNen
Perpetual Phone Poster
I'm thinking of everythign crammed into a device and all I can think is poor Armsmaster, his mind is going to be blown, and his shard is going to be in a happy place.
- Location
- USA
Oh Coil when will you learn
also I found a new role model for Taylor in the art of befriending beams of doom here it is
see Taylor Ramial properly befriended that mountain and everyone on it. You should take after his/her example.
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Rajvik_wolfboy
Wolf amongst the stars.
- Location
- Florida
Tayliel is a thing I just think that story died unfortunately
azoicennead
Overly-Affectionate Zombie Squad
- Pronouns
- He/They
No, but the sequel looks to be - from the blurb @Hoyden gave - primarily a Nanoha fic.
- Location
- California
- Pronouns
- She/They
I'm fine with that. I really like the progression so far, but there is only so much taylor can do in Brockton Bay
FullNothingness
Mostly DHMO.
Well... The canon end to Worm does involve a multidimensional diaspora. There could be a lot more overlap between the two verses once Zion is out of the picture.
ecs05norway
Zenryoku Zenkai!
I'm sure it's entirely possible that
other Worm characters will also be 'preserved' to enter the new timeline, through one means or another.
- Location
- The end of all things
Quite possibly, though there is the issue that mana doesn't play nice with shards and entities. Parahumans would likely not survive for long on a mana-rich planet. Maybe they could construct some sort of shielding that would make it safer, I don't know. It could be that Belka's golden age was based on parahuman derived technology and creations. There is the tiny issue that most of the shards will run out of power after a few hundred years or so...
Depends, Worm canon Entities seem to be pretty good at evolutionary adaptation, so once they have enough interaction with the alternate energy source(over decades hitting it with various analysis shards), they are likely to adapt to deal with and exploit it.
But then individual shards =/= Entities, so it's like saying "Life on earth would adapt to an ice age" does not equate to "dogs would successfully adapt to an ice age".
- Location
- The end of all things
The entities seem to have some sort of fundamental incompatibility with mana. They could probably adapt with sufficient time and effort, if they had a reason to think it worthwhile. The individual shards on their own, not so much. Though I suppose the more useful ones could preserved and even enhanced to run off mana. It would nicely explain the existence of rare skills.