Magical Tinker Lyrical Taylor Worm/MGLN

This just seems to be an avoidance of actually writing out the events that occur. We don't see the events that lead up to the death of Taylor's dad, we don't see her become the Barne's ward or her revenge attack on the ABB. Unless this is a time skip and events are going to be shown flashback style (in which case you shouldn't have chucked 'The story so far' part in) then you've just cut out an important part of Taylor's development.
It does raise the point of how does she keep her parents their house.
I mean, who would pay for the upkeep?
High risk for it to be sold and then she loses her mother's tinker place.
Which is a no-no.
Ad in how Emma is behaving to Taylor, what with all the bullying and living in the same house as her......
If I was Taylor I would be adamant on the no part of either the house being sold or living with the Barnes.
So she needs a solution for that and fast.

Mmm, if I was mister Barnes, I would not let Taylor alone, for the first few days, atleast.
Which could mean Taylor could get back her mothers pendant, that Emma stole (if that was not a omake).
Meaning that she might get some much needed parts to start building her own shuttlecraft with.
Did Star Trek Voyager or DS-9 make it to Earth Beth(?), yet?
The Delta Flyer or the Runabout, do have some good options for her to use, in terms of design.
If she uses the Runabout back-end quarters module as a starting point, then she could expend from there.

True, MGLN uses a completely different tech base, does not mean you could not steal some design looks .
Would she need a shuttle?
Yes, because that way she could make her device parts making machinery mobile, when needed.
Which would mean a easy way to relocate it and if it is also a device, then storing it would also be easy.
Probably starting as a hovering cargo moving plate, on which she could mount the gear.

As for tie-ing up the lose ends, Hoyden, would a couple of interludes help?
That way you do not have to go back into Taylor her perspective, inside a backflash.
 
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As a voice to the contrary, the problem was kind of that we needed to timeskip through a certain duration to fix plot issues, and giving us fine control over the timeskip exactly screws that up even worse.
 
Timeskip normally always leaves a story less, especially with flashbacks.
You'll always will think up a better way to go about things, while you already have things set in stone.
Better to let things grow naturally.

Also, if a timeskip is needed for plot troubles, then your troubles are worse then you think, since a timeskip will not remove the trouble of those plot points.
They are still there, unfixed.
 
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I would honestly recommend scrapping this, as is, and rewrite it if you intend to continue. I enjoyed the first few chapters and then my interest dwindled from there due to a combination of poor technical writing, too many non-essential interludes, and now the rapid chain of events with much of the important elements taking place off-screen.

I do hope you continue and take some of this criticism to heart. The potential is there, but the execution was lacking.
 
You need to rewrite this because it feels like you don't know what to do with the story anymore. The last two chapters weren't even chapters. I read this and I see you sitting in front of a computer looking at your notes on what to to do next and getting nowhere quick. Also while it sucks to hear the same thing over and over saying that it sucks doesn't actually help because we are amateurs doing this for fun our advice can be shody or we don't know about the correct terminology to give precise feedback. I'm honestly flying blind writing this. I guess what I'm trying to say is that writing this story the way it is know doesn't seem to be making you happy and it feels like that unhappiness is leaking in.

I say rewrite. Take what works, look at what doesn't and try and try again.

Also words on a page and a screen are impersonal sometimes. I want you to know I bear you no ill will at all. I'm say all this because hopefully MTLT can be completed one day and hope you enjoy doing so.
 
Stop asking for/recomending a rewrite.

I'm not sure how clear I can be on this point. I am well aware of what needs to be done to 'fix' this story. But I'm painfully aware of how close to finishing it is as well. It's like a jigsaw missing that last chunk, just begging to be done, admired and then torn down.
 
Stop asking for/recomending a rewrite.

I'm not sure how clear I can be on this point. I am well aware of what needs to be done to 'fix' this story. But I'm painfully aware of how close to finishing it is as well. It's like a jigsaw missing that last chunk, just begging to be done, admired and then torn down.
I don't care about a rewrite. I just want to read your stories.
 
I don't think that rewrites are usually the answer, because most of the time there's nothing wrong with large portions of the writing. You don't rebuild your house because you decided that the layout of some of the rooms doesn't work, you change the room layout.

Also, usually rewrites die off in pretty short order. It's rare enough to see a fanfiction finished, but I don't think that I've ever seen a finished rewrite.
 
I don't think that rewrites are usually the answer, because most of the time there's nothing wrong with large portions of the writing. You don't rebuild your house because you decided that the layout of some of the rooms doesn't work, you change the room layout.

Also, usually rewrites die off in pretty short order. It's rare enough to see a fanfiction finished, but I don't think that I've ever seen a finished rewrite.

Pretty much. Rewrites kill fics and quests incredibly fast.
Rolling forward and ignoring past inconsistencies have thus far killed fairly negligible amounts.
 
The Rose
A yawn bubbled from her throat as she made her way into the high afternoon sun, her shadow almost entirely beneath her well made boots, the golden traceries lighting her shadow with dancing waves of light with each step. Her pale uniform skirt swished and swayed, it's silken folds hiding her long pale legs from both the sun high above and the gaze of her classmates.

Not that it any would look, not because she was ugly or was overly cruel, no it was simply a poor idea to leer at the heir apparent of an imperial house. Her tutor's had warned her, her combat instructors had warned her, her political advisors had warned her, even the matronly guard captain had offered a roundabout warning. But she had ignored them, sure of herself, after all she wasn't a kid anymore. She would go to a normal school, and take classes like a normal girl and maybe even make some friends.

But as these things go youthful ignorance is trumped by aged wisdom. She had made no friends, beyond those who wished to either curry favour, or otherwise exploit her future position. And so she had thrown herself into her studies, too ashamed, too proud to admit that she had been wrong, no she would not give up just yet. But maybe, maybe next year she would not return, maybe some complaint about being held back by the rest of her class.

Her back unconsciously straightened as her resolved firmed. Yes, that would do. Something tumbled towards her as she reached the teleport booster and reflexes drilled into her since she could cast her first spell kicked in, a fully enclosed angular barrier snapped into place just as the booster shattered into the waves of rainbow nothingness and everythingness of the dimensional sea.

Back at the school pandemonium broke out as Annette the Rose vanished into a nullspace hole.

~~~
Forever and nothing passed outside the shell of magic Annette had constructed herself, fear and panic rose and fell as the reality of her situation dawned on her, she was falling through the dimensional sea, buffeted by fluxes of pure mana and gaping voids that were the bane of even the largest dimensional cruisers. Without her shield she wouldn't have survived more than a minute, without the mana redirection element she would have been burned from the inside out as her linker core exploded, or imploded or or, something. She wasn't an expert at biological interactions with raw dimensional space, she hadn't even finished school yet!

Suddenly the chaotic wirling smoothed out, the swells of mana the the lows of nulls flattened out into something almost completely stable. Lacking in the ambient mana levels she was used to but no longer actively breaking attempts to pull a spell together. A thought refreshed the slightly stale air in her bubble of stability and the dimensional sea around her rolled slightly with the action. In other circumstances such a discovery would be a major proof to the current leading theory on spellcraft, but to Annette it was more an inconvenience.

A dimensional transfer takes a lot of energy and focus to properly and safely craft, without a teleport booster that meant time. Time spent pulling in the energy and forcing it into the correct pathways for the spell to complete, time where disruptions or distractions could be disastrous. That light pull to refresh her air had churned the sea up enough that she knew she'd never get a controlled teleport off, she just wouldn't have the time to properly focus the mana the right way before she would either be distracted by the wild motion around her, or disrupted by the null voids themselves.

But... An uncontrolled teleport, that might just work, and despite it's name it's uncontrolled and unpredictable nature was more due to randomly diving into the dimensional sea before being spat back out in roughly the direction you wanted to go. If she had been a little further along in her studies she might even have been able to shave off almost half of the spells functions, she was after all already in the dimensional sea. But... it wasn't like she really had a choice, do or die and the air around her was already going stale again.

She pulled on her magic, hard and fast, crashing through the calculations needed between one heartbeat and the next. Her linker core burned and darkness swallowed her vision as her spell completed.

~~~​
Voices spun around her as something beeped rapidly beside her head, a tightness gripped one of her fingers before she shook it off, to which the beeping thing beside her squealed in complaint.
Bodies, human in pyjama like clothes rushed in, serious faces giving way to relief at the sight of her sitting up. Garbled sentences tumbled out of the mouth of one of the pyjama clad people as another replaced the clip on her finger.

It sounded sort of like that documentary on backwater colony's that had lost contact, some of the words almost sounded right, but none of it really made sense.

"Wo, wo ich bin?"
 
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Wow. It's been a while now..... So, irregular updates?

Pretty much, though this is also building out the backstory some more, I kinda of want to use Annette's story arcs to tie some things together.

Though subject to change, my current plan is to follow Annette as she looks for other magic users and a way home. Beyond that her meeting Danny, and her reasons for marrying him.
A second paycheck makes funding her research for getting home easier, it's not like she likes him or anything
 
Sez who? That may be the correct way to say it in German, but Annette is not speaking German, she is speaking Belkan, there could be any number of tiny differences between the two languages that we are not aware of.

Yes, because the proper response to someone providing a minor grammatical correction for a language the author probably doesn't speak is "how dare you criticize this you don't know anything".

I'm just going to never comment in this thread again, thanks.
 
Sweet! An Update. Hopefully, we get to see the cloud knights notice Taylor as the Heir.

Pretty much, though this is also building out the backstory some more, I kinda of want to use Annette's story arcs to tie some things together.

A second paycheck makes funding her research for getting home easier, it's not like she likes him or anything
...
Tsundere
 
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