A Sea of Skulls; Prologue, In Which Something That Rhymes With Grape Happens, And No, It's Not "Ape".
- Location
- East Coast
PROLOGUE
So, once more unto to the breach, dear friends, once more. Last time, the prologue focused on Pope Nero Dumbledore and his odd-job man cardinal talking about Immortal Bishop Larry in something that looked like it was going to be important, but turned out not to be. So what's Beale inflicting on us this time?
Well, we start with a young woman named Isabel de Bordeleau who is, we are told, angry and unhappy.
Yep, Beale still has his own.... style. So, what is Isabel mad about, and thus producing teenage snit narration? Well, as we learn, she a young noblewoman, who two years ago tested positive for magical ability and so is looking at being impressed into Savondir's evil sorcerer eugenics project. We even get a description of said test, which involves a creepy old wizard handing children a crystal ball to test them for ability--it glows when someone with the talent handles it--and whose expression when Isabel tests positive scares her. Her parents response is lackluster, with her father absolutely pleased that his own daughter is going to become a glorified broodmare who belongs to the crown. And remember, she's not going to get any actual training in magic--just be forced to have sex with wizards so that they can have wizard kids.
So, who now sympathizes with Isabel? Show of hands? Pretty much everyone eh? Sort of makes the narration depicting her as a spoiled ditz seem... kind of awful doesn't it? Don't worry. It will get worse.
Isabel decides to try and persuade her father by dressing up fancy and we get some patented creepy Beale descriptions. Then she heads outside to her for her da, only to meet her little brother, who her da has ordered to the house. He tells her that papa told him to tell anyone he meant to go to the house, but she assumes he must have meant OTHER people, and goes on to have a chat with him on the whole "being sent into sexual slavery" deal. Her da yells at her, saying there's a raiding party of orcs coming her way, and that she should go back to the house. Isabel does so, quite upset. Still by the time she reaches the grounds of the house she's recovered some of her equanimity, and is certain her father will handle things. She and her mother are heading towards the house when the gardener rushes towards them, pursued by orcs. He is quickly killed, and then, as the orcs enact a scene from Birth of a Nation with our damsels in distress, her father and some men-at-arms rush in on horseback, yelling their familiy's battle cry "Je suis prêt!" Which means...
So now that any lingering respect you have for these people is gone, let's go on with the raid. Isabel hides in the kitchen with her mother and brother, a group of women and a few male servants, with everyone telling themselves that things will be fine, and they will of course slaughter the orcs. The orcs burst in, dispatch everyone, start pulling the women away, including Isabel's mother. Isabel tries to defend herself, but an orc casually knocks her out. When Isabel comes to...
...
...
Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like, and let's all stand agape at Beale's horrible lack of talent, horrible lack of imaginatino AND his horrible lack of empathy, all prominently on display there. Beale has her preoccupied by the fact that she's no longer a virgin, because of course he does, we get a lot of icky writing in that previous vein, and then Isabel's magic talent kicks in and she sends her assailant sprawling. Following which she suddenly realizes she's naked. And that there are four other orcs in the room stupidly laughing at her assailant's misfortune. Oh, and that her brother's decapitated body is lying on the ground. My apologies if I sound flippant about all this, but Beale's overwrought efforts destroy any real horror in the scene itself. The only thing you can get horrified about is the sense of the mind behind it you get.
Anyway, Isabel gets REALLY angry at seeing her brother.
So REALLY, REALLY angry. And then she unleashes REAL magical whoopass on the orcs, incinerating them all, and making Savondir's refusal to train female wizards look very stupid indeed. She heads out and kills more orcs, including one who is raping her mother's corpse, because of course that's what orcs do, of course it is. Then she kills the ones that are using her brother's head as a football, and then she kills the orcs that have crucified her father's body.
And then, as if Beale suddenly realized that he had unleashed an empowered female character in his boy's own campaign world, Isabel goes down in a hail of crossbow bolts shot by the orcs, though not before taking a few more with her.
...
Well, that definitely happened. Now, excuse me, I need to contemplate washing my eyes out with bleach. I told you things were going to get icky in this one.
So, once more unto to the breach, dear friends, once more. Last time, the prologue focused on Pope Nero Dumbledore and his odd-job man cardinal talking about Immortal Bishop Larry in something that looked like it was going to be important, but turned out not to be. So what's Beale inflicting on us this time?
Well, we start with a young woman named Isabel de Bordeleau who is, we are told, angry and unhappy.
Yep, Beale still has his own.... style. So, what is Isabel mad about, and thus producing teenage snit narration? Well, as we learn, she a young noblewoman, who two years ago tested positive for magical ability and so is looking at being impressed into Savondir's evil sorcerer eugenics project. We even get a description of said test, which involves a creepy old wizard handing children a crystal ball to test them for ability--it glows when someone with the talent handles it--and whose expression when Isabel tests positive scares her. Her parents response is lackluster, with her father absolutely pleased that his own daughter is going to become a glorified broodmare who belongs to the crown. And remember, she's not going to get any actual training in magic--just be forced to have sex with wizards so that they can have wizard kids.
So, who now sympathizes with Isabel? Show of hands? Pretty much everyone eh? Sort of makes the narration depicting her as a spoiled ditz seem... kind of awful doesn't it? Don't worry. It will get worse.
Isabel decides to try and persuade her father by dressing up fancy and we get some patented creepy Beale descriptions. Then she heads outside to her for her da, only to meet her little brother, who her da has ordered to the house. He tells her that papa told him to tell anyone he meant to go to the house, but she assumes he must have meant OTHER people, and goes on to have a chat with him on the whole "being sent into sexual slavery" deal. Her da yells at her, saying there's a raiding party of orcs coming her way, and that she should go back to the house. Isabel does so, quite upset. Still by the time she reaches the grounds of the house she's recovered some of her equanimity, and is certain her father will handle things. She and her mother are heading towards the house when the gardener rushes towards them, pursued by orcs. He is quickly killed, and then, as the orcs enact a scene from Birth of a Nation with our damsels in distress, her father and some men-at-arms rush in on horseback, yelling their familiy's battle cry "Je suis prêt!" Which means...
So now that any lingering respect you have for these people is gone, let's go on with the raid. Isabel hides in the kitchen with her mother and brother, a group of women and a few male servants, with everyone telling themselves that things will be fine, and they will of course slaughter the orcs. The orcs burst in, dispatch everyone, start pulling the women away, including Isabel's mother. Isabel tries to defend herself, but an orc casually knocks her out. When Isabel comes to...
...
...
Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like, and let's all stand agape at Beale's horrible lack of talent, horrible lack of imaginatino AND his horrible lack of empathy, all prominently on display there. Beale has her preoccupied by the fact that she's no longer a virgin, because of course he does, we get a lot of icky writing in that previous vein, and then Isabel's magic talent kicks in and she sends her assailant sprawling. Following which she suddenly realizes she's naked. And that there are four other orcs in the room stupidly laughing at her assailant's misfortune. Oh, and that her brother's decapitated body is lying on the ground. My apologies if I sound flippant about all this, but Beale's overwrought efforts destroy any real horror in the scene itself. The only thing you can get horrified about is the sense of the mind behind it you get.
Anyway, Isabel gets REALLY angry at seeing her brother.
So REALLY, REALLY angry. And then she unleashes REAL magical whoopass on the orcs, incinerating them all, and making Savondir's refusal to train female wizards look very stupid indeed. She heads out and kills more orcs, including one who is raping her mother's corpse, because of course that's what orcs do, of course it is. Then she kills the ones that are using her brother's head as a football, and then she kills the orcs that have crucified her father's body.
And then, as if Beale suddenly realized that he had unleashed an empowered female character in his boy's own campaign world, Isabel goes down in a hail of crossbow bolts shot by the orcs, though not before taking a few more with her.
...
Well, that definitely happened. Now, excuse me, I need to contemplate washing my eyes out with bleach. I told you things were going to get icky in this one.
