- Location
- Not your place of residence
but Omicron does our main character know how to headbutt
suffering from success
Look. Look. When you have more money than god and so much time to kill, what's more exciting for you and all your inbred pals? Hiring a normal theatre troupe to perform Romeo and Juliet for the forty-ninth time? Or hiring a phantom thief theatre troupe who will perform impossible robberies while performing Romeo and Juliet for the forty-ninth time?Our thieves are part of the "infamous band of daring thieves" Tantalus, which are also somehow a popular theatre troupe under that exact same name
I love this part of FF9's worldbuilding so much. The graphics are just high-resolution enough to be clear about how fantastical it is, but not too high-resolution to make it too expensive to build. It really adds an unique element of childish wonder to the world that makes it a delight to explore.Of note is that it turns out our theatre troupe of tricky thieves wasn't an exception; "humanity" in Final Fantasy IX turns out to be a broad concept, and we find nobles who are dog people, bird people, a kid who's literally a hippo…
The names might be fake, or if they're real, they might have been intentionally named after the characters. Maybe they're adopted by the troupe or something?notably, all of the characters are using their actual names except Baku as King Leo, which is… Weird; did Zidane et all coincidentally all happen to be named after heroes from a famous Alexandrian play?
God, just, Steiner's himboness. Even the one (1) moment in his entire week where he's actually being smart, he's still being stupid.Our characters do try to warn Steiner about the monster behind him, but unfortunately, our knight in shining armor is too smart to fall for "the oldest trick in the book."
Welcome to the Vivi Protection Club! Members: anyone who's ever played Final Fantasy 9.
Because there is no "v" sound in Japanese. It's all "b" (which means, that, yes, a Japanese speaker would pronounce a word like "veteran" as "beteran"...or "betelan" because of the "l" and "r" thing too).(For reasons entirely opaque to me, the FR localization calls him Bibi instead.)
Zidane in this intro certainly comes off as the Chaotic type. Not only is he here to kidnap a princess as part of a conspiracy, he has no qualms with adjusting his plan on the fly and, of course, flirting up the young lady with every chance. His "protect girls" ability does speak to a heroish streak...more implied than seen, but let's give him time. Zidane's flirting does wear a bit, but considering the company he keeps it showcases the difference in class between him and Garnet-At least until you remember that this charming rogue is currently pivoting opportunistically to "helping out" a woman he was originally planning to drug and abduct without a single moral qualm, and in fact seeming to find the whole thing great amusement.
Vivi is a Good Boy. His good boy-itude will be discussed more in time, but this intro is enough to get a look at his character. He's young, impressionable, down for whatever and a bit of a people-pleaser - a very straightforward Neutral kind of character. He can be easily led by the nose by someone with more drive, but he's not without boundaries when in danger.
Oh, Steiner. Steiner, my heart. Adelbert Steiner is my favorite Final Fantasy character. No conditions on that statement. I love this man so much. He is such a goddamn idiot. Steiner here is especially funny as a particularly D&D kind of archetype - the extremely hard-headed fighter/paladin who dumped his INT stat to get good physical scores. He's a blunt instrument, a solid object (as demonstrated when he plows through the airship roof). Steiner is what gets pejoratively referred to as Lawful Stupid - when a character is so lawful that they become hard-headed and intransigent and create party strife when others aren't so morally ironclad in their behavior.Steiner absolutely, 100% forgot about the play and believes that he just saw Princess Garnet actually die in real life. Funniest character of all time.
And then there's Garnet. We don't have as firm a read on her yet, but that's as telling as anything. Garnet is a type of D&D character you don't see as much anymore - she's The Girl. As in, one of your players brought his girlfriend to the table and this is her first time playing, and she made a stereotypical Girl Character. She's a healer. She's a princess who wants out of her royal life. She has a secret destiny (as communicated by the intro with the storm and her unusable summons). She's Neutral Good - believe me, if you saw this character in the 90ss or early 00s, she came prepackaged with the NG alignment. Fortunately D&D has grown up a lot in the past two decades that The Girl isn't as common as she once was - there's nothing wrong with her as such, but most groups are smart enough to know now that The Girl doesn't need to be pigeonholed that way.
Fun fact, if you don't turn around to talk to Alleyway Jack fast enough, he'll pickpocket you and leave.Before we follow him, though, someone passes through the alley, and Big Hat Kid asks them if they're Alleyway Jack; it turns out he is, and we can take a break to follow him to the tavern where he teaches us the basics of the card game.
It's from his (generic) armor, right? It doesn't seem to be saying much about him unless he's the only one who starts with that particular armor or some such.His "protect girls" ability does speak to a heroish streak...more implied than seen, but let's give him time.
The game developers decided he would start with that armor so he could equip that stat immediately, which is the same result by another route.It's from his (generic) armor, right? It doesn't seem to be saying much about him unless he's the only one who starts with that particular armor or some such.
Yes, that's why I mentioned "unless he's the only one who starts with that particular armor".The game developers decided he would start with that armor so he could equip that stat immediately, which is the same result by another route.
It's from his (generic) armor, right? It doesn't seem to be saying much about him unless he's the only one who starts with that particular armor or some such.
Gotcha, thank you.Idk if this is a spoiler or not since it'll be apparent fairly soon and it's a pretty fundamental part of the game mechanics, but specifically only Zidane can learn that ability, and in general different characters get different abilities from different equippables.
And it's giving us one of the coolest ideas in a Final Fantasy game:
Monster artillery.
I knew as soon as I met the Alexandrian guards that you'd comment on them, heh. It got exactly the same reaction from me in my own playthrough regarding their attire.They are wearing leotards under a boob plates, oversized helmets, and a whole bunch of belts. And nothing else.
I mean??? Props for having what's apparently a mostly-female army??? But why are they dressed like that.
OK BUT TO BE FAIR THAT CUTSCENE WAS REALLY COOL THOUGH
QueenCan you imagine being at Act V of Romeo and Juliet, at the point where everyone is supposed to start dying, and then you get the wrong actors on the stage and they ask you to improvise the ending?
Before everything else, before even the opening title, there is an opening montage. It's very short, much less of a distinct plot hook as VIII's duel between Seifer and Squall; rather, it's a sweeping view of beautiful vistas overlaid on a map that suggests the breadth of this fantasy world, its kingdoms and its cities:
Vast towering cities, airships flying over the mists, a distinct Early Modern vibe to it all. It's too short for us to learn anything much, but it's enough to inspire a feeling - some grand adventure is about to start, in a world perhaps more magical than we're used to.
Cut to title screen.
Here, we're given a dialogue choice to show that we've been following; we can either correctly say Zidane is supposed to capture Princess Garnet, or that he is supposed to kidnap Queen Brahne, her mother. Baku comments that Garnet is the most "babe-ilicious beauty in all of Alexandria," which is…
This is Setzer and the opera from FFVI, is what it is! And you're making me play as Setzer! The ignominy!
Note also how Blank is wearing a blindfold and leaning against the wall like a cool guy. Here's a secret: When I was a kid, I thought Blank/Frank was the coolest motherfucker alive. We'll find out soon whether that was entirely down to his attitude and his outfit, or whether there was more to him.
Wow, it's been a minute since we saw the old Black Mage design with the blue robe, pointy hat, and black hole for a face.
This tells you to press X and obtain an item.
There is, I am pretty sure, at least one item point per screen in this sequence. Some of them have multiple. There's a tavern; it contains a Potion, 27 Gil, and another playing card.
This means the natural incentive the game is creating is to have your character just hug every wall in the game to check for item drops.
In the process of playing this singular sequence with the Big Hat Kid, without using any guide, I have found the following:
- 3 Potions
- 294 Gil (in the form of 9 Gil, 33 Gil, 27 Gil, 38 Gil, 3 Gil, 29 Gil, 63 Gil, 92 Gil)
- 6 playing cards (Fang, Goblin, Flan, plus one stash of Ironite, Goblin and Fang
- 1 Eye Drops
That's fifteen individual item spots in a fairly short sequence, and I have almost definitely missed some. And like… It wouldn't matter if I missed them, right? There has never been a Final Fantasy game where two potions or 100 Gil was critical to success even in the early game. But also it's free stuff. I can't just ignore it. And that means hugging every wall in the game and breaking into people's homes to loot their drawers while they stare blankly at us like some demented kleptomaniac critter. It's very strange.
Unfortunately, upon handing out his ticket, our boy finds out that… It's a fake! He's been swindled! Whoever sold him that ticket scammed him.
Okay, lesson learned, the game will actually let you just stall the plot if you're not cooperative. That doesn't really give us anything, but it's funny. I take this opportunity to explore the city further, search people's drawers and mattresses (not a figure of speech; we can find 3 Gil by searching someone's bed), challenging people to card games (more on that in another update).
Each moogle has a unique name, and they have mail which they want us to carry to one another. This moogle, for instance, is Kupo (Rat Kid knows him and introduces us; he names Big Hat Kid "slave number one.") He wants us to deliver a letter to another moogle named "Monty," whom we will presumably encounter later in our travels. Will we be rewarded for this? I have no idea.
He's using it to cross to the battlements of the castle.
Awful security in Alexandria, let me tell you.
Now, I'm not going to preemptively cancel the game on twitter dot com or anything, so far we've had no indication that Queen Brahne is anything but a sympathetic character whose daughter is being targeted by vicious kidnappers. But I am making a note that the Queen is depicted as a grotesque caricature, obese, hideous, with the worst hair I've ever seen, and reacting to the spectacle with the kind of childlike glee usually associated with the Mad Ruler archetype. Is that a problem? I don't know! But, well, we'll see.
Whatever the source of Garnet's sadness, though, he seems confident it will solve itself with more spectacle; he smiles to himself and raises his sword, signaling the troupe to launch the fireworks that signal the beginning of the play; the band launches into a lively fanfare as their stage lifts up, revealing a theatre stage made up to look like a castle. Queen Brahne reacts with even more childlike glee, while in the crowd, Vivi can't help himself but swing a bit in tune to the music.
At the end, we're rated based on our performance by telling us how many of the 100 nobles watching were impressed, and whether Queen Brahne herself was pleased; doing all correct inputs only gets us to 90/100, so speed appears to also be key, and I don't really care enough to redo it a third time. The crowd showers us with 853 gil, which is pretty nice.
Blank: "Finished changing, Zidane?"
Zidane: "Yeah, but this helmets…" [He tosses the helmet onto a nearby table.] "It kinda smells…"
In the process of running up the stairs, however, Zidane runs into a Final Fantasy I White Mage.
I'm starting to think this game might be a little referential.
Zidane takes one look at Definitely Not Garnet and decides something's up, so he does not, in fact, let her pass.
Queen Brahne: "Well, of all the… What could she be thinking!? General Beatrix!"
Beatrix: "Your Majesty!"
[Queen Brahne turns around to look at the Captain dubiously.]
Queen Brahne: "And Captain… uh…"
Steiner: "Wimps like you are the reason nobody relies on men in Alexandria! Bite the bullet, you worthless grub!!!"
Now, here's a funny thing: In the guards' room, we can find a list of all nine (eight + the captain) members of the Pluto Knights, by name. And every time we run into a member of the unit, they are named something along the lines of, "Mullenkedheim, Pluto Knight IX," so we can keep the order straight and know which one we've picked up. Why does this matter?
She also continues to run so fast that she literally makes people spin by passing next to them, Looney Tunes style. This includes one of the female member of the troupe, a blue-haired girl named Ruby who inexplicably talks like a cowboy:
[She lifts her head, the hood lifting up slightly to reveal her face.]
We can actually mess with the engine by turning it down or cranking it up, though in both cases this just results in Cinna yelling at us and Zidane turning it back to neutral.
The moon erupts in light, strong enough to shatter Blank's armor…
…unfortunately, as we established earlier:
That's where he keeps the oglops.
V. High Stakes Improv Theatre
[At this point, Zidane turns on the guards, "hitting" them with a roundhouse kick, and they dramatically exclaim their pain and run away off stage.]
And then Vivi sets Garnet on fire.
This is hysterical.
Luckily, it turns out it's only the White Mage hood that's burning. Garnet manages to throw it off, revealing her face to the public.
So! We now have Zidane, the Thief; Vivi, the Black Mage; and Garnet, the White Mage-
Wait a minute.
What do you mean, "Summon"?
…
Garnet has a summon menu full of summons that start at Shiva and top off at fucking Bahamut.
At level 1.
I mean, she can't use any of these; she only has 46 MP, and her cheapest summon, Shiva, costs 96 MP. So in a sense this is purely symbolic.
I see you equiped 'protect girls' on Zidane, and Vivi's day is continuing to be that sort of day.
Queen Brahne gesticulates angrily, and then waves forward another cannon - one mounted right above her throne.
And it's giving us one of the coolest ideas in a Final Fantasy game:
Monster artillery.
Their adventure has just begun. But we will close here on one last ominous stinger:
Queen Brahne: "Garnet… I never imagined you would do such a thing. Perhaps you're not such a helpless little girl anymore… Zorn! Thorn!"
[The two jesters appear.]
Queen Brahne: "Is our little experiment ready?"
Zorn: "Yes, Your Majesty. It is combat-ready."
Thorn: "Easily terminate Princess Garnet, it can, Your Majesty."
Queen Brahne: "I need her alive! Bring her back at once!"
It was hefty. Like I said in the thread, I failed to anticipate and account for the difference in scope between IX's prologue and VII's Mako Reactor Raid. But we got to see a lot of stuff.