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Irresistible Force (Naruto/The Gamer SI)

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A few, very minor slights caught my eye while reading through.

I flip through a few more pages and find out why, the followed the rule of the strongest on top, and that was usually the males.
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Should be 'they'
Hatake's
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Should be just Hatake or Hatakes; the apostrophe makes it possessive instead of plural
A lot of people were rattled when Hatake declared their allegiance to Konoha.
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when the Hatake

By the way, nice set of skills.

Liar, Manipulator, Charisma and Leadership.

Hoping to see the 'villain protagonist' tag soon :V
 
EvilPorygon said:
A few, very minor slights caught my eye while reading through.

Should be 'they'

Should be just Hatake or Hatakes; the apostrophe makes it possessive instead of plural

when the Hatake

By the way, nice set of skills.

Liar, Manipulator, Charisma and Leadership.

Hoping to see the 'villain protagonist' tag soon :V
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I'm not. Naruto villains are usually really dumb.
 
EvilPorygon said:
A few, very minor slights caught my eye while reading through.

Should be 'they'

Should be just Hatake or Hatakes; the apostrophe makes it possessive instead of plural

when the Hatake

By the way, nice set of skills.

Liar, Manipulator, Charisma and Leadership.

Hoping to see the 'villain protagonist' tag soon :V
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Be careful what you wish for compadre, that picture just might inspire.

PS: where did you get the picture?
 
Urghghghghghhghg.

@EvilPorygon Sthap! STHAP GIVING HIM IDEAS DAMNIT! *Futilely bangs hands against desk* It's bad enough without you throwing fuel on the fire god dammit!

@Golum936 *Smacks hand with ruler* No, bad. You will not include extra angst into the damn equation.

@Marla Thank you for the words of inspiration! I'm glad we're doing a good job! ^.^[Edit: Whoops, totally fucked your name up. My bad! :D]

As for some mistakes I spotted Golum; Just so you know, I'm blaming you for the poor quality. You rushed me! xD
Tinkerer said:
What if he got an eye from both of his friends? Blindfold Kakashi! His face would be completely covered.
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o.o.... Actually I suppose it should be -.-'. XD :3 :p :p :p

Golum936 said:
the followed the rule of the strongest on top,
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They followed the rule of strongest on top
Golum936 said:
I was a bit suspicious when they did not demand me to cease my friendship with them, I felt a bit cheated since I had essentially prepared what was a whole essay which contained the reasons why I should befriend them.
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I was a bit suspicious when they did not demand me to cease my friendship with them, I also felt a bit cheated since I had essentially prepared what was a whole essay which contained the reasons why I should befriend them.
Golum936 said:
The Hatake's were a shinobi clan, not a family, big difference. The main difference is the number of people they have. The second difference, the sheer economic and political influence that a shinobi clan has is incomparable to that of the clan.
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he second difference, the sheer economic and political influence that a shinobi clan has is incomparable to that of the family.

Golum936 said:
I sniffed the air twice, actually no. They were probably crying because of how spicy the food was, the wimps. I let them know as much too.

But those things are not currently relevant, what's relevant is my conversation with Obito. We were currently sitting in our assigned classroom, the sound of muffled and hushed conversations surrounding us.
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I distinctly remember having sniffed the air twice, actually no. I had realised then that they were probably crying because of how spicy the food was, the wimps. I let them know as much too.

Golum936 said:
I'll have to remind him later on that nobody gets my clothes dirty, nobody. I think a broken bone or two should suffice, it'll be a start.
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suffice, it'll be a start at least.
Golum936 said:
Fan fact, heh, apparently Kurenai and Asuma were friends since entrance exam. I had kinda thought that they had met during the exams or became friends during the academy, apparently they had known each other long beforehand
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Fan fact, heh, apparently Kurenai and Asuma were friends since entrance exam. I had kinda thought that they had met during the exams or became friends during the academy, nope they had known each other long beforehand

Golum936 said:
Since I was feeling a little vindictive at them for interrupting my Obito and Kakashi TM time, I felt a little punishment was in order. To that extent, when they screwed up a kata I had them repeat the stance the screwed up or did wrong five times before they were then forced to start the entire kata again.
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Since I was feeling a little vindictive at them for interrupting my Obito and Kakashi-TM time, I felt a little punishment was in order. To that extent, when they screwed up a kata I had them repeat the stance they screwed up or did wrong five times before they were then forced to start the entire kata again.

Golum936 said:
Jonin pseudo~apprenticeships I think
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Jonin, pseudo~apprenticeships I think.
We missed a comma there.
 
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It's kinda weird to see him being arrogant and dismissive to people and them still thanking him for it afterwards and throughout. His Gamer abilities seem to have begun exerting a mild mind-influencing field. I wonder if this is buildup towards him not noticing the extent to which he's warping them as the effect grows and then going mad with power, not having realised what exactly is going on.
 
Golum936 said:
Uchiha as my quote on quote lackey
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ok so this isn't really a problem, I just thought I would explain this incase you didn't know. in the English language we have what are known as "quotation marks" and when you want to use them in an actual IRL conversation we say quote-end quote or quote unquote (usually used to denote emphasis to a word or small sentence).

not really important or anything.

Edit: sorry if I sound like an asshole I just got off work.
 
Jackercracks said:
It's kinda weird to see him being arrogant and dismissive to people and them still thanking him for it afterwards and throughout. His Gamer abilities seem to have begun exerting a mild mind-influencing field. I wonder if this is buildup towards him not noticing the extent to which he's warping them as the effect grows and then going mad with power, not having realised what exactly is going on.
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So, I'll have to break this down because I actually don't see where HIroshi's being arrogant and dismissive in this one. This may just be because I can't not view it with rose tinted glass, or because I'm blind as fuck or all the interaction fits within the modal we've built of Hiroshi.

Would you be willing to directly quote area's where you think he's being arrogant and dismissive? It's his stchk you know, sometimes he's gotta do it, the academy and when he's not alone around others being prime time. I mean, what would happen should the fact that he not be walking around with a nine foot pole up his ass reach the elders? A good, long -and by long, I mean a few damn hours- talking too about proper protocol when outside the clan compound.

I'd also like to point out that just like this may be happening, any gamer that's gotten a 'social' skill has the same effect with the gamer skill 'influencing' everyone around in accordance with the skill. Neat huh! :D

chuckson said:
ok so this isn't really a problem, I just thought I would explain this incase you didn't know. in the English language we have what are known as "quotation marks" and when you want to use them in an actual IRL conversation we say quote-end quote or quote unquote (usually used to denote emphasis to a word or small sentence).

not really important or anything.

Edit: sorry if I sound like an asshole I just got off work.
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Do you live in America or any other 'western' country, England? (I'm terribly sorry but my geography is piss poor.) Because I live in Australia and it may just be the people whom I've heard it from but I've never heard it said quote-end quote or quote unquote. It's literally always been quote on quote, but I suppose with our accent it's easy to mistake that for quote un-quote. Huh, Neat~o.

Nah man, its a valid point and thank you for raising it, I appreciate it. Again, I think that this is something that just crops up or out as the case may be because of a difference in geographical location and the culture shift that occurs with that difference.

Golum936 said:
Ok, I think I got all of the mistakes which were pointed out.

If you see more, come at me, brah.
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I see everything Golum, I see everything.
 
The Uninspired said:
Would you be willing to directly quote area's where you think he's being arrogant and dismissive?
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"It's probably because I look damn fine, not to mention the hair, I mean have you seen this hair?" I punctuate this statement by doing a model hair flip, "and you, well, you look like you crawled out of the wrong side of the bed!"
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"I guess you two need it huh?"

I made sure to pump as much snooty sarcasm in it as possible. Asuma groaned as it hit.
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I gave a nod when they arrived, sweating and panting, clapping my hands and informing them that that I wanted to see their stances.
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Since I was feeling a little vindictive at them for interrupting my Obito and Kakashi-TM time, I felt a little punishment was in order. To that extent, when they screwed up a kata I had them repeat the stance they screwed up or did wrong five times before they were then forced to start the entire kata again.
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Now these are all understandable given his character arc and background, especially since the elders are there to make sure he keeps a stick up his butt, but at the same time I wouldn't expect such tiny kids to understand that on a level much deeper than "X is being mean to me" or "X thinks he's better than me". Maybe a bit further along in their development, because they're ninja, but all the same it felt a bit weird especially since the start of the chapter tells us specifically that he's good at social. It's subtle, but I'd have normally expected a slightly more negative reaction overall from those interactions, like Asuma maybe being annoyed yet thankful because he got made to look bad in front of Kurenai. So, reality warping mind powers. He's possibly slowly influencing the next generation of Konoha shinobi with his Gamer powers. The kid with persuasion power who doesn't realise what's happening is a story as old as time, after all.

Or I could just be reading too much into it.
 
Jackercracks said:
Now these are all understandable given his character arc and background, especially since the elders are there to make sure he keeps a stick up his butt, but at the same time I wouldn't expect such tiny kids to understand that on a level much deeper than "X is being mean to me" or "X thinks he's better than me". Maybe a bit further along in their development, because they're ninja, but all the same it felt a bit weird especially since the start of the chapter tells us specifically that he's good at social. It's subtle, but I'd have normally expected a slightly more negative reaction overall from those interactions, like Asuma maybe being annoyed yet thankful because he got made to look bad in front of Kurenai. So, reality warping mind powers. He's possibly slowly influencing the next generation of Konoha shinobi with his Gamer powers. The kid with persuasion power who doesn't realise what's happening is a story as old as time, after all.

Or I could just be reading too much into it.
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You're reading too much into it, Obito attempted to clobber him for the hair comment and being made to repeat something after you make a mistake is basic training sense.
 
Jackercracks said:
Now these are all understandable given his character arc and background, especially since the elders are there to make sure he keeps a stick up his butt, but at the same time I wouldn't expect such tiny kids to understand that on a level much deeper than "X is being mean to me" or "X thinks he's better than me".

Maybe a bit further along in their development, because they're ninja, but all the same it felt a bit weird especially since the start of the chapter tells us specifically that he's good at social. It's subtle, but I'd have normally expected a slightly more negative reaction overall from those interactions, like Asuma maybe being annoyed yet thankful because he got made to look bad in front of Kurenai.

So, reality warping mind powers. He's possibly slowly influencing the next generation of Konoha shinobi with his Gamer powers. The kid with persuasion power who doesn't realise what's happening is a story as old as time, after all.

Or I could just be reading too much into it.
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Well now, this is insightful in the extreme. I approve, most definitely. <_<

This is actually explained by Golum wanting to do a time skip instead of flowing on naturally, but he posited and I agreed that if we didn't nip it in the bud we would probably spend the better part of this YEAR in the academy, and by year I mean this real year.

But also, this really doesn't make my position stronger but I'll say something agian, just because you don't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen. We actually had to cut alot of character interaction and growth to get the time skip to fit properly and we're continuing on writing as though it had still happened.

Hiroshi's already made friends with people, and he's insulted them accidentally 'lost' some friends and made them back by actually apologizing. Which means that most of the people who he interacts with now are people he can be his usual pun-tastic self around, snarky and smarmy in extreme and they kinda understand that hes just like that at times.

So basically, what I'm saying is that the people who Hiroshi hangs up with are kinda inured to his attitude and mouth already. Not to mention however that they're training to be ninja, and they're mature. Quite literally if you're a mamma's boy, or cant take a little name calling, you don't get into the academy currently.

It's wartime footing, don't forget. Naruto's world on the other world, the cultural expectations are different, and this ties into what you're saying because we as a society find what Hiroshi has said to Asama, or as you have found it mildly mocking. Over on the other side it could've been fun and teasing between friends, which is what it actually was or was supposed to come across as.

But, you have to remember when dealing with the naruto world. It's not the same culture, it's society is different.

Over here, a child kills someone? Absolutely fucking horrible and or terrifying depending on circumstances.
In naruto world, a child kills someone? Par the course really, it was expected of them.

Terribly sorry if this seems rushed, ask if anything doesn't really make sense but I'm in a bit of a rush xD.
Tinkerer said:
You're reading too much into it, Obito attempted to clobber him for the hair comment and being made to repeat something after you make a mistake is basic training sense.
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Heeey, someone gets it. I should've as in it should be in there, in the chapter but it's to establish routine motions for the body to fall back on in instinct during combat so they can put their mind elsewhere.

Again, rushed I'll hopefully get some clearer and more concise answers back to y'all later! Have a good one!
 
I love this story, I hope you at least continue it till the end of the original series. Maybe a sequel or continuation till the last Naruto movie.
 
@will-fan-out
We definitely have plans to that extent but I can't edit at the moment, I fucked my back last night, tripped over the dog and landed at a stupid Angel. I'm typing this on a damn phone in bed haaaa. The end of the original series is the goal though. A continuation, well we'll see won't we?

Yo @Golum936 I don't think I'll be abel to get much done today or tomorrow sorry. :/
 
Hey everyone, I'm sorry for the absence of chapter last week. I'll try to post two chapters this week or a single big one but only if I have enough free time.

The reason the chapter wasn't released last week is because my landlord raised my rent this month. So I had to take up some extra hours as I didn't have enough money for rent. But I should have enough time this week as long as nothing unexpected comes up.
 
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